We'll Meet Again
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Fifteen years in the future, Matilda travels to the ED with an injured friend and meets a certain Dr Knight.
1. Chapter 1

_I know I should update my other stories, but I'm struggling at the moment and then I had this idea. It's set fifteen years in the future, when Matilda comes to the ED with three of her friends._

 _Matilda's friends were all recently born in the ED._

 _Dylan was born in_ Estranged _and, despite being female, was named after the doctor who helped deliver her. Dylan's parents were injured on their wedding day: one mother, Chloe, survived and gave birth to Dylan, but the other Lally, didn't make it._

 _Ariana was born in_ Cradle to Grave _to Esther, who has BPD and was not considered fit to keep her child. I can't remember if Esther gave her a name, so I'm assuming her adopted family changed it. References to BPD are inspired by my own experiences and might not be typical._

 _Lottie was born in either part 1 or 2 of_ A Child's Heart _, right at the beginning of the new series, and was born safely thanks to the determination of Louise, who was still a receptionist but on the point of returning to nursing._

 _Most of the current regulars are still at the hospital and a number of them will feature, though they aren't in Chapter 1._

* * *

Matilda knew exactly what was going to happen. She could tell from the slightly freaked-out look on Alfie Dean's face. She'd seen it, at one time or other, in the face of every boy who'd been out with Ariana. Every boy who showed an interest believed they would be the one to tame her, but it always ended in exactly the same way.

She checked her watch in desperate hope that Dylan might be on her way and be in time to sort this out, but she was sure it was too early and she was right.

"I'm sorry," said Alfie. "I just can't deal with this anymore! It's doing my head in."

Matilda flinched and gave Alfie a pleading look. Just as she could predict the inevitable and painful end to Ariana and Alfie's relationship, she could also predict Ariana's reaction.

Ariana's eyes filled with tears. "Please don't leave me, Alfie! I'll do better. I'll try to get this under control."

"That's what you said last time," said Alfie. "Listen, Ariana: I do like you. You're a nice girl and everything. But seriously. I can't go the rest of my life without speaking to girls just in case it upsets you! I've told you a million times there's nothing going on with me and Phoebe, but you just won't get that and I can't take anymore."

Ariana started to cry.

"Oh, can't you give her just one more chance?" said Lottie, her face distressed as she put her arm around Ariana. "It's not that easy for Ariana, you know. She's not being difficult on purpose. She has an actual illness. You wouldn't break up with someone for having a physical illness, would you?"

"But why should I have to put up with her grief just because she's got BDP or whatever it is?" said Alfie.

Matilda shook her head sadly. After three weeks of seeing Ariana every single day (at Ariana's insistence, of course), he still couldn't name Ariana's condition correctly.

Ariana pulled away from Lottie's hug. "He's right. Why should I? I'm just horrible. I'm toxic and evil and you should all stay away from me."

"No, you're lovely," said Matilda, feeling completely helpless but wanting to help in some way. "You're lovely, Ariana. All this means is that you and Alfie aren't suited. That's okay! Not many people meet their perfect man when they're our age."

Ariana swung round to glare at her. "Oh, you just don't understand, Matilda! How could you? You've never even had a boyfriend."

"I'm only fifteen," said Matilda, but her voice was soft because Ariana was right. She'd never had a boyfriend and although she knew that some people didn't go on their first date until they were in Year 11 or even older, it still depressed her.

"No-one understands me," sobbed Ariana. Lottie moved to hug her again, but Ariana stepped away. "No-one! I'm all alone. I don't belong here."

"Of course you belong here," said Lottie soothingly. She gave Ariana a tissue. "You're our friend, Ariana, and we love you. You haven't done anything wrong and it's going to be okay."

"Right. I'll be off then," said Alfie awkwardly.

Ariana cried even harder. "Please don't leave me, Alfie! Please. I can't live without you. I'm sorry for being moody; for being difficult; for being possessive; for being me. I love you!"

The look of awkwardness on Alfie's face was replaced by a look of terror that Matilda didn't doubt appeared on most Year 10 boys' faces when the L-word was mentioned. He backed away, then turned and ran back towards the school.

Matilda was expecting it, but none of them reacted quickly enough when Ariana moved. She darted away from Lottie, threw herself through the school gates and ran down the road.

Lottie took half a step after her, then hesitated, looking towards the staff room, which was far too near the school gates for comfort. "We'd better go after her."

"Shouldn't we call Dylan?" said Matilda. Dylan would know what to do.

Lottie looked doubtful. "She's probably still in her piano lesson. We've got to do this ourselves, Tilly." She gave her friend a quick hug. "I know it's scary, but I'm sure we can do this. Leave Dylan a voice mail on the way."

"Or should we tell a teacher?" said Matilda doubtfully. She hated herself for being scared of getting into trouble when Ariana was heart-broken and probably suicidal, but that was the way she was made. A coward.

"We can't," said Lottie regretfully. She took Matilda's arm and hurried her out of the gates. "You know what they're like. They'll call Ariana's parents. It's much better if we deal with it ourselves. That's what Dylan would say."

Matilda, realising her friend was right, pulled her phone out of her pocket to call Dylan, but before she could, it exploded into life and the name of the fourth member of their group of friends flashed up on the screen. "Dylan, oh my God, please come quickly!" said Matilda.

"What's happened?" said Dylan. "Has Alfie dumped Ari?"

"How did you know?"

"I could see it was heading that way," said Dylan. "Where are you?"

Matilda gave Dylan their rough location. "Can you come, Dylan?"

"Of course I can," said Dylan. "Stay on the phone so you can let me know where you're going Just try not to panic, Tilly, okay? I'm on my way."

* * *

It never got easier. No matter how many times Matilda saw her friend in this state, she couldn't react to it with Lottie's soothing kindness or Dylan's practical competence. All Matilda could do was stand there and try not to cry until one of the others told her to do something.

Dylan, who'd caught up with them in a matter of minutes (she was as good at running as she was at everything else), summed up the situation at a glance and put her hand on Matilda's quivering shoulder. "Matilda, call an ambulance. Twelve year old female; self-inflicted lacerations to the wrist from a dirty broken bottle; foreign object in wound; severe bleeding. Junior first-aiders on site with first aid kit. Don't worry: you'll be fine. So will Ariana."

As Dylan spoke, she was already moving to Ariana's side. She pulled her miniature first aid kit out of her bag and put on a pair of non-latex gloves.

"Matilda?" said Lottie gently. "Could you phone, please?"

Matilda nodded and hurriedly made the call, her hand shaking as she jabbed at the 9 key. As usual, she was in a panic and forgot Dylan's instructions, but the person on the other end of the phone was patient. She watched her friends as she spoke on the phone, wishing she could be more like them. Lottie was hugging Ariana and stroking her arm as she comforted her. Dylan was expertly holding a dressing against Ariana's cut, holding the arm above the level of Ariana's heart as she put pressure on the wound.

Dylan somehow managed to shrug her way out of the coat without reducing the pressure on Ariana's wrist. She laid her coat on the ground. "Right: let's get her lying down. Ariana, can you lie down for me? You help her, Lottie. Good girl, Ari. You're doing well. Lottie, if you put your coat over Ariana? That's right."

Matilda finished her phone call and took a nervous step towards Ariana. It was nothing she hadn't seen before, but not something she could ever get used to.

"Come here, Tilly," said Dylan, holding out her hand. She was shielding Ariana's hand with her body so Matilda wouldn't see it. "That's right. Don't worry: I won't let you see anything. Can you help me lift Ari's legs? That's right. Hold them on your knees and keep your eyes closed for me, Tilly. This is really just a precaution: the bleeding isn't that severe, but you know what a show-off I am with my first aid skills. There you are, Ari: I'll just build up padding on both sides, then I'll be able to bandage over the top. You're doing really well and it's going to be fine."

"I can't go to hospital!" sobbed Ariana.

"Of course you can," said Lottie. "You know how nice they are. You'll be fine and we'll be here."

"But Alfie's dad is a paramedic and his mum is like, the head nurse!" wailed Ariana.

"We probably won't see them," said Lottie.

Matilda had to admit this could be a problem, though it reassured her just slightly to know that sometimes you didn't take after your parents even if you were their real child. "Should I phone again?"

"No. It'll be fine," said Dylan. "Alfie's dad is a good guy, but it will probably be that blonde woman – Oh God: what's her name? Trixie? Help me, Matilda: you can always remember names."

"Dixie," said Matilda.

"Well done!" said Dylan. "It'll probably be Dixie treating you while Iain drives. And the chance of Sister Dean being the one to treat you is miniscule. It'll be fine, Ari. _You'll_ be fine."


	2. Chapter 2

**TheAtomicCheesepuff** , thank you for reviewing and following. Matilda's friends were originally going to be OCs, but I thought it would be more interesting to use existing characters as much as possible. I really hope you enjoy the second chapter.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , I'm quite surprised no-one else has written a story like this, but perhaps I just haven't found them yet! I think Cal will meet Matilda in Chapter 3, which might be ready to post tomorrow. Thank you for your review!

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , I'm really glad you're finding the story interesting - Cal and Matilda should meet soon! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I hope you'll enjoy this one too!

 **Tanith Panic** , I hope you're happy with the way Dylan has turned out! She might have inherited her interest in medicine from her grandad, but she's definitely not going to be homophobic. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you like the idea. I'm not completely sure where it's going, but I'm hoping I'll work that out before I get there!

 _Thank you for all the follows and favourites too! I'm so happy you like the idea._

* * *

Lily made her way quickly over to the trolley and looked enquiringly at Dixie, but it was a paramedic she'd never seen before who spoke.

She made eye contact with Lily and spoke in a firm voice. "Dr Hardy, this is Ariana Craig, 15 years old. She has a self-inflicted laceration to the inside of the wrist from a broken, dirty bottle. Part of the bottle is embedded in the wound. She is up to date with her tetanus injections but has a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Pulse is 120; BP is 120 over 80…"

Lily focused mainly on the information she was being given, but she had to admit she was impressed with the young paramedic. She barely looked old enough to have left school, but she was confident, assured, and Lily had no doubts that her report was accurate. "Thank you. Good work," she said as they wheeled the trolley towards Resus. "What's your name?"

"Dylan Wilkinson-Brae." Dylan didn't extend her hand, but Lily had a feeling she might have done if their hands hadn't been occupied.

"Thank you, Dylan," said Lily. She allowed herself a small inward smile as she thought how delighted Caleb would be that the new paramedic was a _girl_ called Dylan. "Okay, on my count. One... two... three! Thank you. Ariana, my name is Dr Hardy: I'm clinical lead. These are Charge-Nurse Garcia and Charge-Nurse Chiltern."

"Hi, I'm Lofty," said Lofty. "Charge-Nurse Chiltern is way too much of a mouthful."

"And I'm Louise," said Louise.

Lily unrolled the competently-secured bandage and removed the two rolls of bandage alongside it. "Yes, we will need to remove this and stop the bleeding. Louise, get a line in, please." She took Ariana's uninjured wrist and checked for a pulse. It was rapid, as Dylan had said, and quite weak. It looked like Ariana had managed to do herself quite a bit of damage.

"Dr Hardy, Ariana's blood group is A negative," said Dylan.

"Thank you," said Lily, mildly surprised Dylan hadn't left the room yet, but she had other concerns. She asked Lofty to arrange for several units of A neg to be on standby and quickly calculated an additional dosage of paracetamol.

Ariana blinked at her through swollen eyes. "I thought Dr Hardy was a man."

"My husband is also Dr Hardy," said Lily. Even now, after twelve years of marriage, she couldn't help smiling at the thought that her lovely, wonderful, incredible Ethan Hardy had actually married her. She snapped the smile off as soon as she could. She was here to work.

"I like Dr Hardy," said Ariana weakly. "I want Dr Hardy."

"I'm afraid Dr Hardy is at home with our children today," said Lily. "You will have to make do with me."

Lofty smiled at Ariana. "And the other Dr Hardy thinks very highly of this one so you can trust her."

Lily heard a sob from over by the door and half-turned, frowning. Dixie and Iain had left, but the new paramedic, Dylan, was still there and behind her were two pale-looking girls. One was in tears and the other was clearly trying to comfort her, though she didn't look far off crying herself.

Lily gave them a stern look. "You should not be here. Dylan, take these two to the relatives' room, please, and contact Ariana's parents if you have not already done so."

"No!" said Ariana from behind her. Lily ignored it: it was, after all, a common reaction to the sight of a needle.

"I'm sorry, Dr Hardy, but Ariana would prefer us not to contact her parents," said Dylan. "She hasn't given us their contact details; though I would imagine the details are in her records." She turned to the two girls behind her. "Come on, you two. Let's go and find this relatives' room. I know it's scary, but I know Dr Hardy will do all she can."

Lily watched them go, frowning slightly and wondered what it was about Dylan that bothered her; something that didn't seem quite right.

However, she had a patient to attend to and if there was something wrong with a paramedic, it was up to Dixie to sort it out, not Lily.

"Ariana, we need to contact your parents," said Lily as she lifted Ariana's wrist to examine the wound. "You are fifteen years old and that is the rule."

Ariana started crying even harder.

"Maybe there's another relative we can tell instead?" said Louise in a soft voice.

Ariana shook her head.

"Why don't you want us to tell your parents?" Lily tried to sound gentle like Louise, but even now, she had a tendency towards abruptness. Ethan told her not to worry about it as she merely sounded confident and competent, which was never a bad thing in a doctor, but Ethan was in love with her and therefore biased.

"They'll be upset," sobbed Ariana. "I promised them I would try not to do it anymore, but I couldn't help it. He told me he didn't want to be with my anymore and I was upset, but my emotions were so big and I couldn't control them and then I was running away from school and the bottle was in my hand…"

"It's all right, darling," soothed Louise. "You're here now and we know you couldn't help it."

Lily instructed Louise to remove the embedded piece of glass. "When you say 'upset', do you have reason to believe your parents might be angry?"

"No, they're never angry," wept Ariana. "But that makes it worse. They're always so kind and I don't deserve it."

"Of course you do," said Louise. "Everyone deserves kindness when they're hurt or not well."

Lily gave Ariana's shoulder an awkward pat. "Ariana, I understand you don't want to upset your parents, but you have an illness. It is always upsetting when your child is unwell, but if something happens to you, your parents would rather know about it and support you than not know at all."

"But if they don't know, then they don't know!" said Ariana. "They can't be upset if they don't know. I don't want them to be upset. I want them to be proud of me."

Lily wasn't always the most empathic of doctors, but she felt her heart tremble at Ariana's words. "Of course you do. I'm sure they are proud."

"But what have they got to be proud of?" said Ariana.

"They have an intelligent daughter who fights against powerful, overwhelming emotions every day," said Lily.

Ariana shook her head. "Would you be proud of your child just for that?"

Lily hesitated. Her glance slid involuntarily towards Louise. The nurse gave her an encouraging nod.

"My son Caleb has severe anxiety issues," said Lily. "He was unable to attend school until this year. Now he goes for two mornings a week. Sometimes he does not complete the morning. Sometimes he cannot go at all. But we are proud of him every day. Very proud."

* * *

Lottie hugged Matilda tightly. "It's going to be okay, Matilda. I promise. Don't cry."

Matilda wanted to stop crying, but she couldn't. She hadn't seen the blood or the piece of glass in Ariana's wrist, but she'd seen the pallor of her face and heard her cries of pain. She'd listened to Dylan's firm but kind encouragement and Lottie's tender sympathy, but she had said nothing herself. She never did.

She felt Dylan's hand on her shoulder. "I know it's scary, Tilly, but the early signs are promising. Dr Hardy wasn't overly worried. It can be hard to tell with doctors because they're trained not to show emotion, but the signs are there if you look for him. Dr Hardy wasn't speaking quickly or rushing about or calling for more people to help her."

Matilda sniffed. "No," she admitted quietly. There was more she could have said about the fears clutching at her heart, but she didn't want to annoy her friends. She knew Dylan and Lottie were worried too. They were just a lot better at hiding it.

"Here you are, lovely." Lottie handed Matilda a tissue. She seemed to have a never-ending supply of them. "It's going to be okay. Dr Hardy seems really good. She'll help Ariana. I'm sure she will."

"Though she did seem to be under the impression that I was a paramedic," said Dylan with a smile, "but let's put that down to my extreme maturity and competence rather than any deficiency on Dr Hardy's part."

Lottie laughed and Matilda managed a shaky smile. Dylan had a reputation for arrogance which Matilda and Lottie considered unfair, but Dylan found it very amusing and enjoyed playing up to her image.

Lottie patted Matilda's knee. "Isn't it sweet that Dr Hardy and her husband both work here? I wish I could ask how they met, but I suppose that wouldn't be allowed. Maybe their eyes met across a dying patient or something!"

"Lottie, less of the dying patients, please," said Dylan as Matilda tensed.

"Okay. Let's say a relatively healthy patient," said Lottie. "Or even a complete time-waster." She sighed dreamily. "I wonder how many children they've got."

"At least two," said Dylan. "She said children, plural."

Matilda let their conversation flow over her. It helped to hear them talking about something so normal. She told herself they wouldn't be talking like that if Ariana was in any serious danger, but she knew that though Lottie's curiosity was probably genuine, they were doing it for Matilda's sake rather than their own.

"I suppose they'll have to tell her parents, won't they?" said Lottie.

"That's the rule," said Dylan. "But I do think it's best if they know. They'd want to know. The only problem is that it's going to make Ari feel guilty, which could set her off again, but I think she'd feel far worse if she had to go through this without her parents. As long as her parents are supporting her, they aren't rejecting her and that's important."

Matilda sniffed. "I'd want to know. Even though I'm a complete mess, I'm glad you didn't just send me back to school."

Lottie hugged her tightly. "We would never send you back to school, Matilda."

"We needed you there today," said Dylan. She patted Matilda's back. "But maybe you should try to stop crying? You know we don't mind, but you don't want to worry Ariana."


	3. Chapter 3

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm so pleased you enjoyed the chapter. And for once, here's a quick update for you! I hope you like it.

 **Francesca1** , thank you for your review of Chapter 1 - I'm really glad you liked it and I hope you enjoyed Chapter 2 as well.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , I've heard that most people meet their partners at work so I just had to marry a few of them off to each other! Lily and Ethan were top of my list. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammi-X** , thank you for your review and your lovely words! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Cal and Matilda will meet very soon.

* * *

Rita didn't usually spare the other patients a second glance. Her own patient was her priority and her own patient was in a very bad way. "We'll go to Bay 3," she told Cal as she steered the bed in that direction.

There was a patient in Bay 4. That patient didn't matter: not to Rita. But then Louise spoke.

"Come on, Ariana: let's find you some better accommodation than this."

 _Ariana…_

Rita's eyes flicked involuntarily towards the bed.

"Rita?" said Cal, his voice concerned. "Everything okay?"

Rita firmly pushed her panic away and turned to face the consultant. "Yes, Dr Knight. Everything's fine."

But it wasn't.

* * *

Louise smiled as a pair of arms seized her from behind, but she kept her voice stern as she turned to face him. "Not now, Noel."

"Why not now?" said Noel. "I've been waiting forever for you to have your break."

"And I'll have my break soon, but first I need to go and speak to two distressed girls in the relatives' room," said Louise. She knew most people would say Noel didn't look nearly as good as he had when Louise had first laid eyes on him, but Louise thought he was getting sexier every day.

Naturally, she hadn't so much as hinted this to Noel.

"Oh. Okay," said Noel, disappointed but understanding. "Come and find me when you're done."

"I will." Louise glanced around, decided there weren't that many patients watching, and gave him a quick kiss. "See you later."

Noel had a big smile on his face. It wasn't every day he got a kiss at work!

Louise opened the door of the relatives' room and stopped in surprise. Seated on the far side of the room were not two girls but three – and the third most definitely shouldn't have been there. "Shouldn't you be back at the ambulance station?"

A smile crossed Dylan's face. There was amusement lurking in her eyes, but she also seemed quite pleased. Then her face became calm and professional again. "Nurse Garcia. I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. I'm not a paramedic. I'm Ariana's friend."

"But you reported on the patient's condition!" said Louise.

Dylan nodded. "Dixie said it was all right. She'd have stopped me if I'd made a mistake." The smallest ripple of concern in her eyes made her look just slightly closer to what Louise guessed was her actual age. "I hope Dixie won't get into any trouble."

"Well, luckily for you, I'm going on my break now so I'm sure I'll forget to report this interesting piece of information to Dr Hardy," said Louise. "But just to warn you: there's not much that gets past Lily Hardy – or not for long. But let's not worry about that now. I wanted to let you know how Ariana is."

One of the girls, a terrified-looking blonde with tearstains, gasped slightly and gave a small whimper.

The third girl, who was brunette, and cute rather than beautiful, put her arm around her.

"Ariana's doing much better," said Louise. "We've removed the glass from the wound and stopped the bleeding. There were no signs of infection, but we're going to keep her in for a little bit longer."

"And getting the psychiatrist down to have a chat with her," said Dylan, as though this was so much a fact, it was hardly worth mentioning.

Louise wondered how she know, but Dylan seemed to know a lot of things.

Or perhaps they'd just been here too many times already.

"Yes: Dr Hardy would like the psych to assess her before we decide how to proceed," said Louise. "I've also spoken to Ariana's parents – with her agreement - and they're on their way. We've moved her into a private room so if you'd like to come and see her, I can take you there now before my break. Then you should get back to school before you get expelled."

The brunette looked almost tearful with gratitude. "Oh, thank you, Louise. Or should I say Charge-Nurse Garcia?"

"Louise is fine," said Louise, thinking how sweet she looked. "What's your name?"

"I'm Lottie Andrews. This is Matilda Meadowes… and you know Dylan."

Louise nodded and allowed herself a small smile. "I don't think we're likely to forget Dylan. Are you coming, then?"

The three girls got to their feet and Louise realised that Dylan was wearing school uniform, though that hadn't been obvious when she'd been helping to push the trolley and there was certainly something about her that set her apart from the others. Not many people had the ability to fool Lily.

They left the relatives' room together and Louise showed them the way, mouthing: "Two minutes!" to Noel as they passed the reception desk.

"Just down here," said Louise, but then one of the girls gave a strangled sob.

"I can't!" said the blonde girl – Matilda? – tears starting in her eyes.

Lottie put her arm around her. "You can, Tilly. Of course you can. We'll be here!"

"I can't," cried Matilda as she pulled away from Lottie's hug. "I'm so sorry. I can't!" She turned and ran from the hospital.

* * *

Lily sat rather awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Ethan did it quite often, but it had never seemed quite natural to Lily. For a moment, she wished that Ethan was here. He would know what to say. He would be able to reassure her that she was doing the right thing or correct her if she was wrong, just as she did to him.

 _But you don't need Ethan every minute_ , Lily reminded herself. _You were chosen as clinical lead ahead of him. You are a good doctor._

She tried to smile. "Hi, Ariana."

Ariana looked at her with sad, hopeless eyes. "Hi, Dr Hardy."

"Why don't you call me 'Lily'?" said Lily gently. "'Doctor' seems a bit formal and it can be confusing with two Dr Hardys in the department. We very nearly had three: Ethan's brother Dr Knight would have been Dr Hardy if he hadn't changed his name."

She wasn't sure if this would get through to Ariana or not. All she knew was that it fascinated Caleb. He loved names and was thrilled to share his with his uncle.

"Do you often feel like this, Ariana?" asked Lily, thinking ruefully that even being a consultant and clinical lead didn't mean you never felt completely out of your depth. If anything, it had worsened with experience. The more Lily learned, the more she was aware of how complicated her patients' lives could be.

Ariana shrugged. "Like what?"

"Like you want to hurt yourself," said Lily.

"Most of the time," said Ariana. "Sometimes I forget for a while. My friends help me to forget what I am. But then I look at them and look at me and I wonder why they bother."

"Because they like you," said Lily.

"Maybe they do now," said Ariana. "But in the end, I'll push them away. I always do." Her voice became bleak; hopeless. "Alfie really cared about me. I thought he was different. But then I pushed him away too."

Lily frowned: the name Alfie was familiar to her, though she met so many patients every day and it was impossible to remember each one. "Ariana, you are only fifteen. It takes time to find your special person. I was in my mid-twenties when I met Ethan, but we'd known each other for more than two years before we started dating."

Ariana gave a long, sad sigh. "I just want someone who's really _mine_."

"You do not need a boyfriend in order to feel fulfilled," said Lily. A voice in her head reminded her that she'd felt unfulfilled when she hadn't found a husband at what she'd believed was the correct time, but she'd been much older than Ariana.

"I feel so alone, Lily."

"You're not alone," said Lily. "You have your family. They are part of you."

Ariana shook her head, a twisted smile on her lips. "They're not part of me at all. I'm adopted."

* * *

Cal was struggling to breathe. He looked at the blonde girl sitting on the bench and had to reach out a hand and steadied himself on the hospital wall. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing.

 _She's just a blonde girl_ , he told himself, and he could almost hear Ethan's voice saying the words. _A lot of girls have blonde hair. We don't even know that Matilda is blonde. You can't go around thinking every blonde girl you see is Matilda, Cal. It's going to tear you apart._

Ethan was right, of course. Fifteen years had passed and Cal still felt raw; broken; torn apart. But he didn't know how to stop. Every time he saw a blonde girl of the right age, he felt like this. A lot came into the hospital, of course, and it was only when he saw their dates of birth that he was finally able to accept she wasn't Matilda and do his job. It was the only way he could be sure. Her name wouldn't necessarily be Matilda, but her birthdate wouldn't have changed.

Cal tried not to think about what he'd done on the one occasion when he'd treated a blonde girl who was born on the same day as Matilda. He'd been suspended after that and he knew the only reason he'd been able to return to the hospital was because Ethan had argued so hard in his defence.

This girl wouldn't be Matilda either.

The best thing he could do was to walk away.

He was about to do exactly that when the girl burst into heartrending sobs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Tato Potato** , I hope it is the good part! There are a couple of sections with other characters first, but you can probably skip those if you just want to read about Cal and Matilda. Thank you for your review!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I hope the new chapter doesn't disappoint! Cal will talk to Matilda towards the end of this chapter.

 **ETWentHome** , don't worry about not reviewing - I've been updating every day so far and it is easy to miss something. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. Thank you for your review.

 **beckyboogle** , your wish is my command - I'm updating right now! I hope you enjoy reading about what happens next.

* * *

Louise stopped outside Ariana's room and turned to address Dylan. There was just something about Dylan that screamed: _I'm in charge._

Then she remembered Lottie and felt guilty. Lottie might not have Dylan's confidence and charisma, but Louise really liked her.

It surprised her. Louise usually only thought about whether she liked someone or not when they were annoying her.

"Would you like me to go and look for Matilda?" Louise asked, her eyes moving between Dylan and Lottie.

"Oh, yes please, if it's not too much trouble," said Lottie.

Louise was usually a bit suspicious when someone was that polite to her, but Lottie just made her smile. "Of course it's no trouble, Lottie."

"But weren't you supposed to be having your break with your husband?" said Dylan.

Louise swung round to stare at her. "How did you know that?"

"Because you mouthed 'five minutes' at the guy on reception," said Dylan. Clearly, she was one of those irritating people who didn't miss anything. "You smiled as you did it, so you obviously like him. You're wearing a wedding ring and I don't think you'd flirt so openly with someone you weren't married to."

"Well, if you're that clever," said Louise, "you'll also know I'm very conscientious about doing my job and I'd never go off and enjoy my break when there's an upset girl running around. Now, I suggest you stop worrying about my private business and start worrying about your friend in hospital."

There was a brief flash of amusement in Dylan's eyes. "You're absolutely right, Nurse Garcia," she said. She was very polite, but Louise felt as though she, and not Dylan, had been wrong-footed somehow.

"Thank you, Louise," said Lottie.

"You're welcome, Lottie," said Louise. She opened the door. "Ariana, here are Dylan and Lottie to see you."

Once she'd satisfied herself that the three girls were okay, she went to find Noel.

She was confused.

Why did she feel such a bond with Lottie when she'd never met her and they didn't obviously have anything in common?

And how had she failed so completely to put Dylan in her place?

* * *

Iain looked up in surprise as his wife burst into the ambulance station. "Rita? You okay, love?" When Iain put his arms around her, he discovered she was trembling.

Dixie stood up. "I just need to check on something in the ambo."

"Oh, no, Dixie, please." Rita made an effort to recover herself. "You don't have to go."

Dixie smiled reassuringly. "I do. If I didn't remember to replace the dressings we used on our last patient, we'll be in trouble!"

Iain waited until the door had closed behind her. "Come here, love. Tell me what's up."

Rita sank into a chair and put her hands over her face. "Iain, Ariana's in the hospital. Alfie's girlfriend."

Iain sat beside her. He'd been hoping Rita wouldn't find out about that. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "Yeah, we brought her in. She cut herself on a broken bottle."

"On purpose?" said Rita.

Iain hesitated. "Rita, you know we mustn't jump to any conclusions."

"Of course we must!" burst out Rita. She clutched at Iain's hands. "Iain, the girl has BPD. She has a history of trying to kill herself. That's why…" She stopped and bit her lip.

"What is it, Rita?" Iain tried to speak calmly for her sake, but he was worried.

Rita's voice was barely audible. "Alfie said he was having trouble coping with Ariana's moods. I said if he wasn't happy, he should break up with her." She turned an anguished face to Iain. "So he must have done it and then she did this!"

* * *

Cal hurried to the girl's side and sat down. She was sobbing into her hands and didn't seem to have noticed him. Cal's throat ached in sympathy as he stared at her and tried not to think about all the tears he'd shed over her.

No. Not over _her_. Over Matilda. This girl was not Matilda.

"Hey," he said softly, and she jumped, taking her hands away from her face with a gasp. "What's wrong, darling?"

He didn't usually say 'darling' to his patients, but he reminded himself that a lot of doctors and nurses did.

"Everything!" she cried.

Cal wanted to hug her. He just wanted to take his daughter in his arms and comfort her. "I'm Dr Knight," he said. "You can call me Cal." _But I'd rather you called me Dad. You don't know how many dreams I've had where you've called me Dad and you've loved me, and then I've woken up and you weren't there._

The girl sniffed. "I'm Matilda."

Cal felt as though he was falling. Falling and falling through space, yet at the same time, spinning round and round.

Matilda. This was Matilda. His baby girl.

 _No!_ Cal mentally shouted at himself. _She's called Matilda and she looks about the right age, but there are a lot of Matildas in that age group. And Matilda wasn't your baby anyway._

"Can you tell me what's happened, Matilda?" he heard himself asking gently. "Are you a patient? Or a relative?"

"My friend," wept Matilda.

"Your friend's a patient?" Cal had hugged friends and relatives of patients before. But it was a bit different when the girl was fifteen and probably had no idea she was his daughter.

 _No, she's not your daughter and you don't know how old she is!_

"She… she cut herself on some glass." Matilda sniffed. She pulled a soggy tissue out of her coat pocket and dabbed her nose.

Cal turned out his pockets, finding pens, his torch, a notebook, spare gloves and a half-eaten chocolate bar before he finally unearthed a tissue. "Here you are. It's all right, Matilda. I'm going to help you. And if I can't help, I'll find someone who can. Have you had any news about your friend?"

More tears trickled down Matilda's cheeks. "A nurse said they'd stopped the bleeding and we could go and visit her, but I couldn't do it."

Cal couldn't stop himself. He put his arm around her. "It's very hard seeing someone you care about in hospital. You mustn't think badly of yourself for that."

"But my friends went to see her," sobbed Matilda as she rested her head against Cal's shoulder.

"Everyone's different," said Cal. "We all have things we find really difficult. For you, it's seeing your friend in hospital and that's true for a lot of people. I'm sure your friends have things they find really difficult too."

Matilda sniffed. "Not Dylan. She's not scared of anything. And Lottie might be scared, but she always does the right thing."

"I used to tell myself I wasn't scared of anything, but that definitely wasn't true!" said Cal. "But it's okay to be scared and it's okay if you don't do the right thing all the time."

"And I'm not doing the right thing now either." Matilda leaned in to him even more. "Sitting out here talking about myself when she needs me!"

Cal rubbed circles on her back. "It's okay, Matilda. You have to think about your own needs too. If you can't go and see your friend, then you can't. That's just how it is. But if you wanted, we could go together and see her now. I could speak to the doctor who treated her and find out some more information and we could have a chat about that before we go in if you like. Sometimes having more information can make things seem more manageable."

Matilda looked at him with wide eyes that were so like Taylor's… yet they weren't at the same time. "Would you really do that?"

"Of course I would," said Cal. _I would do anything for you, Matilda. Anything._


	5. Chapter 5

**beckyboogle** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed it. I hope you like this chapter too.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for all your reviews. I'm glad you like the girls - I didn't want them all to be bolshy teenage brats! I'm happy you like the way I'm writing Cal too. He's quite dismissive of Matilda on TV, but I'm sure he doesn't mean it.

 **CBloom2** , I haven't completely decided where it's going, but I hope you'll like it. It will involve Matilda finding out she's met Cal before. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I couldn't keep Cal and Matilda apart for a minute longer! The will definitely talk more as the story continues. Thank you for your review - I'm so happy you're enjoying it.

 **Tato Potato** , I think Cal is already convinced she's 'his' Matilda, but at some point, he will find out for sure. I'm sure he'll want to protect her from everything! Thank you for your review.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. It is a good thing Cal followed his instincts and went to comfort her. She really needed someone.

* * *

Ethan gently wiped the tears from Caleb's cheeks and kissed his forehead. "There. It's okay."

"What if I hurt his feelings?" said Caleb.

"Everyone hurts people's feelings by accident sometimes," said Ethan. He hugged his son close to him. "I'm just really proud you managed to have a conversation with Oscar. There's no way you could have done that at the start of the year. You're doing so well. Mummy will be so proud when we tell her."

He knew that Caleb's panicked: "No!" in response to an invitation from Oscar to go to his house after school had hurt Oscar's feelings and that did worry him. But he understood that Caleb had been panicking and he was so proud that Caleb had talked to someone for long enough to receive an invitation.

Caleb was looking worried. "Will Oscar's mummy be cross?"

"I'll tell you what," said Ethan. "After dinner, we'll write a letter to Oscar and his mummy to say sorry and explain what happened. And we could invite Oscar to come here first so you don't have to go to a new place. How about that?"

"I'd like to do that," said Caleb, nodding his head so his glasses caught the light.

Ethan kissed his forehead again. "Then that's what we'll do. I'm glad you told me about this, Caleb - it was very brave of you. Now: let's change the subject. You know I was looking at something on my phone when you came to speak to me?"

Caleb nodded.

"I was reading a text from Uncle Lofty," said Ethan. "He said he's just treated triplets!"

Caleb's eyes opened wide and he seemed to forget all about Oscar. "Really? Do you know what their names are?"

Ethan nodded. "Catie with a C, Connor and… Caleb."

Caleb beamed. "I like the name Caleb."

"So do I," said Ethan.

* * *

"So, apart from the bandage around her wrist, you should find she looks pretty much as she usually does," said Cal. "But I'll be with you when you go in so if you don't feel comfortable, we can go straight out again."

"I just feel so stupid," said Matilda as she dried her eyes. "I mean, I'm fifteen, not five. I shouldn't be running away every time something goes wrong."

"You're fifteen?" said Cal in an odd voice.

Matilda lowered her head. "I know I'm much too old to be this scared."

"I don't agree at all," said Cal. "It happens to a lot of people – including people who are much older than you. But you didn't run very far. You barely even got out of the hospital before you stopped running. You also had a lot of opportunities to run away before now, but you didn't. So I think you've done well."

"Thank you, Cal. It's good to meet someone who understands."

"Of course I understand," said Cal. "If I told you I'd never run away from anything, that would be a really big lie! Now: are you ready to try to go in or do you need a bit more time?"

"I'm ready to try," said Matilda.

Cal smiled. "Good girl." He pushed the door opened and ushered Matilda inside.

"Matilda!" called Ariana from the bed. "I thought you hated me."

"And I told you she didn't," said Dylan quickly. She came over and took Matilda's hand. "And as usual, I was right. Hey, Dr Knight."

Matilda almost smiled as he saw the confused look cross Cal's face as he wondered if he'd met Dylan before.

"Don't worry. I'm not some girl you met on a drunken night out," said Dylan kindly. "I read your name badge."

Matilda looked at Cal and didn't want him to go. She really liked and trusted him. She felt safe with him. But she knew she might never see him again. "Cal, these are my friends. Dylan, Lottie and Ariana."

Cal nodded at Dylan and Lottie, then he went to Ariana's side. "Hey, Ariana. I hear you're staying with us for a bit. I hope you like it here. The food isn't great, but maybe your friends can sneak you in a takeaway."

"Oh, I've already fixed that up with Lofty," said Dylan.

Cal smiled. "You know, Dylan: that really doesn't surprise me! I'll leave you girls to it then. Ariana, if you need anything, you can always ask for Dr Knight. Though you can call me Cal. Matilda…" He reached out and squeezed her arm. "I'm here if you need to talk too."

* * *

All Dylan Keogh wanted was a relaxing evening on the houseboat with Dervla, but there were two reasons why this would not be possible. Firstly, Dervla had died three years ago and all Dylan had were photos and memories. He was now past the stage of accidentally going to doggie care to pick her up, but he still missed her every day.

The second reason was that Dylan no longer lived alone.

When his half-brother had arrived on the houseboat's equivalent of a doorstep six weeks ago, he'd promised Dylan it would be just a short stay to help him get his head together. Two or three days, tops.

But two or three days had become two or three weeks and looked set to exceed two or three months. Dylan could quite understand his reluctance to return to their father, but he really wasn't used to having a teenager on the boat.

The boy had been given the first name Brian, at his father's insistence, but he'd made the quite reasonable decision of refusing to answer to that name anymore and was now known by his second name, Luke, which had been his mother Hazel's choice.

Dylan put the key in the lock, turned it, and discovered that he'd locked it instead of unlocking it. He sighed: Luke must have forgotten to lock the door after coming home from school (Dylan had said he could only stay beyond the planned two weeks if he attended school). He could hear the thump of pop music and for a moment, he thought about going over to Lofty and Robyn's and spending the evening with them instead, but then he remembered they had five children under the age of five, not to mention twin screaming babies.

The thing that scared Dylan the most about Lofty and Robyn was that they were considering having more children. They were excellent parents but clearly quite mad.

Dylan unlocked the door and went inside. "Hello, Luke! I'm home!"

Even after six weeks, it still didn't feel natural.

"Hey, big bro!" Luke turned his music down and turned to face him. "Did you have a good day?"

"Oh, er, good, thanks," said Dylan. "How was school?"

"Boring!" said Luke cheerfully. "But I'd be a lot more worried if I enjoyed it."

Dylan still hadn't worked out if you could lecture your guests. He wasn't used to having guests. "Will you be in for dinner tonight? Or are you seeing Maya?"

Luke did turn round then. "Maya? Maya was so last week! Keep up, Dylan! It's all about me and Evie now."

"Evie. Right." The name did sound vaguely familiar to Dylan. "Are you seeing Evie tonight?"

"No!" said Luke. "I'm not completely sure about Evie, so I thought I'd take Florence out instead and see how it… relax, Dylan! I'm joking. Of course I'm seeing Maya."

Dylan was glad to hear it. It wasn't that he had any particular liking for Maya, but he was in constant dread of Luke turning out like their dad. "So you won't be in for dinner. Fine. I'll just cook for me."

"No, wait, no: I want dinner!" said Luke. "I'm not meeting Maya till eight. I don't want to starve to death and end up in that ED of yours!"

"Right," said Dylan. "Then I'll cook for two."

"Thanks, big bro." Luke patted him on the shoulder in a way Dylan couldn't get used to.

He also couldn't quite get used to the fact that, despite an age gap of almost forty years, they were brothers.

* * *

"Rita, love, you mustn't blame yourself for what's happened," said Iain gently.

"But how can I not?" said Rita. "I encouraged Alfie to break up with her, Iain. Obviously, I have every sympathy with Ariana. I really like her. I know she can be difficult, but she can't help it."

Iain nodded. "You did deal with it very well when Ariana started screaming and went to sit under the table."

"I could understand why she did it," said Rita. "And she was lovely when I apologised for expressing myself badly and explained what I meant. She's a lovely girl and I so much prefer her to Alfie's last girlfriend… what was her name? Maya." She sighed and moved closer to her husband. "But this is something else."

Iain put his arm around her. "I know, but it isn't your fault, love. Alfie can't stay with Ariana forever just because she might try to kill herself if he breaks up with her. If he's not happy, he can't stay with her. All he can do is be honest."

"Yeah, that's what I told Alfie," said Rita.

"You see? You did the right thing," said Iain. "Just like you always do. I know it's hard, love, but you've just got to try to put it aside like we do with patients every day. It's very sad, but it's no-one's fault at all."


	6. Chapter 6

**Tato Potato** , I don't think I'll be able to put many links in, but I'm glad you're enjoying what's there! Thank you for your review.

 **TheAtomicCheesepuff** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying it. There might not be that many connections, but I'm glad you like them.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you love reading about Cal because I love writing about him! My favourite characters are Cal, Ethan and the male Dylan. Thank you for your review and your very kind words.

 **Tanith Panic** , I was going to put Dervla in it, but the average lifespan seems to be about 16 years for her breed and she doesn't really look like a young dog, though I could be wrong as I'm completely ignorant. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , so sorry I missed your review the first time I uploaded this! Cal seems to have looked after Matilda pretty well, but he won't necessarily be happy just to see her once. It is difficult for Rita - in some situations, whatever you do is wrong from one point of view. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lily led the psychotherapist into Ariana's hospital room and smiled at her. "Hi, Ariana. I'm afraid psych can't spare anyone for you just yet, but this is our therapist, Miss Beauchamp. She supports our staff as well as our patients."

It still seemed strange to Lily to seek support from someone she remembered as a rather badly-behaved little girl, but it had helped her and Ethan to talk to Grace about Caleb. Cal was seeing her too: he'd been in therapy for most of the last fifteen years. Lily wasn't convinced it was making him feel better, but it seemed to stop him from getting worse.

Grace held out her hand. "Hi, Ariana. I'm Grace." She was well-spoken and there was something very direct about her, but she also seemed friendly and there was something about her that inspired confidence she could actually help. Grace approached Ariana slowly as she spoke to her. "How are you feeling now? Probably quite exhausted and overwhelmed after the day you've had."

Ariana nodded without looking at her.

"It's fine if you don't want to talk," said Grace. "A lot of people don't want to talk to me! That's the problem with being a therapist." She glanced at Dylan, Lottie and Matilda. "Ariana, are you happy for your friends to stay while we have a quick chat?"

"I should really go home," Matilda said in a low voice to Dylan.

Dylan checked her watch. "That's probably a good idea. Lottie, why don't you take Tilly home? I'll stay with Ariana."

Lottie nodded at once, unquestioningly accepting Dylan's authority. Lily imagined a lot of people did. She watched as Matilda and Lottie said goodbye to Ariana and Dylan and departed.

If she was honest, Lily was glad Matilda was leaving. The longer she stayed, the greater the chance that she might meet Cal – and Lily knew exactly how much of a disaster that could be.

* * *

"Okay?" said Lottie as they stopped outside Matilda's house.

Matilda knew nothing was okay. She'd been hoping to see Cal before she left so he could give her some advice and support and maybe another hug – she really felt so safe with Cal and he understood her so well – but Lily said Dr Knight had better things to do than run around after teenage girls. "He might not agree with that, but I believe saving lives is more important."

"Maybe Cal has a lot of girls coming into the hospital and asking for him," Lottie had said on the way home. "He is very good-looking for an older guy."

"He's only about thirty, isn't he?" Matilda had said, shocked. "Maybe thirty-five?"

"I think he's probably in his forties, to be honest," Lottie had said apologetically. "I'm afraid he's too old for you, Tilly. Though he might have a son you could go out with."

Matilda had stared at her in amazement. "I don't _fancy_ Cal!"

Lottie hadn't looked convinced, but she was far too nice to argue so she'd changed the subject.

Matilda looked at her front door and extended her hand towards the doorbell. Her parents insisted they'd given her her own key and she'd lost it, but Matilda knew she'd never had a key. "I wish I didn't have to go in, Lottie."

Lottie hugged her. "I know, lovely. But you can always phone me, text me or email me. And maybe it won't be too bad. Maybe no-one told them we went missing."

"Oh, they'll know," said Matilda.

As she spoke, the door was torn open. "Matilda, get inside now. Charlotte, go home. I'm sure your parents will be wanting a word with you about today's little escapade."

Lottie didn't tell Matilda's mum that her full name was Lottie-Daniela, rather than Charlotte. She'd given up on reminding her now. "I'll see you tomorrow, Matilda," was all she said. "Text me, okay?"

"Bye, Lottie," Matilda said sadly. Her arm was seized roughly and her mum pulled her into the house.

"And why did you disappear from school again?"

"Ariana hurt herself," said Matilda. "We took her to hospital."

"I told you, Matilda! If that stupid girl starts her attention-seeking, ignore her. All you do is encourage her. I suppose it was that Dilys' idea." Matilda's mum refused to believe in Dylan's name either. "You need to stand up to people like that, Mattie. But you never could, could you? Go upstairs and do your homework properly this time. I'm fed up with all these Ds you've been getting. Your sisters would be ashamed to get anything less than a B."

Matilda blinked back tears. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, for God's sake! If you must cry, at least do it in your room where no-one can see you. Now get out of my sight."

Matilda fled upstairs.

* * *

At the sound of the key in the lock, Caleb froze.

Ethan put his hand on his son's shoulder. "It's okay, Caleb. It's just Mummy and Uncle Cal."

"They might have brought someone with them," said Caleb, and disappeared behind the sofa where he felt safe.

"They haven't," said Ethan. Lily and Cal knew better than to bring someone home with them unexpectedly. They knew how much it would terrify Caleb. Even their friend Alicia, godmother to their youngest, had stopped dropping in unexpectedly. Ethan and Lily made sure Caleb always had advance warning and frequent reminders before someone came to the house, but that didn't stop him from worrying.

It broke Ethan's heart to see his son so frightened, but he'd been a shy, nervous child too and he understood.

Ethan could tell there was something wrong as soon as he saw his wife's face. Lily looked worried – and it didn't take him long to work out what was wrong. Cal came bouncing into the living room, his eyes shining with excitement as he grabbed hold of Ethan's arm.

"Nibbles, you'll never guess what!" he said.

"I'm sure I won't, but you can tell me _in a minute_ ," said Ethan firmly. He put his hands on his wife's shoulders and gazed into her eyes for a moment. She looked back at him, her face relaxing as she smiled. Ethan kissed her lingeringly, one hand at the back of her neck and the other around her waist. She was so beautiful. And she loved him.

He kissed her again.

"I am standing right here, you know!" said Cal.

Ethan reluctantly released Lily and addressed the sofa. "Caleb, it's okay. It's just Mummy and Uncle Cal."

"Yeah, it's just us!" Cal almost skipped over to the sofa (which made Ethan feel even more glad they didn't have guests) and crawled behind it. "Hey, little buddy. How are _you_ , then?"

Ethan smiled in the direction of the sofa (Cal might be an idiot, but he was a lovely uncle) before turning back to his wife. "How was your day, darling?"

Lily slipped her hand into Ethan's. "My day was good. A nice mix of patients. Broken bones; norovirus; pneumothorax; heart disease; attempted suicide: a bit of everything. How about you? Are the children okay?"

Ethan lowered his voice. "Caleb is a bit upset about something that happened at school. Daisy is 'doing her homework', by which I assume she means chatting to her friends on chatlive or whatever she calls it; Alice is drawing a picture for her godmother. I think I rather offended her by telling her it was a lovely picture of a dog. Just so you know, it's a palm tree."

Lily smiled and stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. "How about we go and admire the palm tree; have a chat to Caleb and refrain from interrupting Daisy's 'homework'?"

"Those sound like very good ideas," said Ethan.

"And when you've done that," said Cal, sticking his head up from behind the sofa, "maybe we could have a chat? Something happened today. Something _amazing_."

"And then we can have a chat," promised Ethan.

He felt a twinge of foreboding. He'd seen that look on his brother's face before and it always meant bad news.

* * *

"Do you… do you ever see a patient and get a feeling you've seen them before?" said Louise on the journey home.

"All the time," said Noel. "Because I probably have! When you're on reception, you see every single walk-in. And I think we get a lot of repeat offenders. The same people falling over and injuring themselves because they're drunk; the same people panicking about their kids; the same people with recurring problems."

"No, I don't mean that," said Louise. "Obviously, I'll have seen a lot of them before." She hesitated. "But do you ever get the feeling you know them quite well?"

A smile came over Noel's face. "Ah, so you mean a one-night stand."

Louise lifted a hand from the steering wheel and gave him a pretend-punch. "Of course I don't! Right, you can take another turn at cooking dinner for that."

"It's your stomach," said Noel, shrugging.

"Hm. Maybe I should cook," said Louise, even though Noel probably cooked better than she did. "It wasn't a guy anyway. It was a teenage girl."

Noel raised his eyebrows. "Ah, maybe it's one of _my_ one-night stands! Or stalkers maybe."

"In your dreams, mate!" said Louise. "She's called Lottie Andrews and I've just got this feeling I've met her before. But I just can't think where."

"At the bus stop?" said Noel. "At the gym? At finishing school?"

"Oh, shut up," said Louise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. It would be a good idea for Matilda to talk to Cal as she trusts him - but only if she sees him again.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm sure Louise remembers the baby who gave her the confidence to go back into nursing - she just hasn't made the connection! I'm looking forward to writing the scene where she does. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It's so lovely that you look forward to my updates. I wasn't surprised that Cal wasn't Matilda's father, but it was such a heartbreaking moment. I'm glad you like Matilda's vulnerability - I wanted Cal's support to be very important for her.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you like Louise and Noel together - I put them together based on one tiny little scene where Noel comes in on his day off to see if Louise is okay following the evacuation of the ED. Matilda hasn't had much luck with her mums. Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like Cal's relationship with Caleb - even though Cal is very unhappy and still reliant on his brother, I wanted to show some positive qualities too.

* * *

Dylan was beginning to give up hope of getting an answer. He'd phoned, texted and left messages for Hazel ever since Luke had shown up unexpectedly, but apart from a brief text saying _Thanks, glad he's safe x_ , she'd made no contact with him at all.

He would normally have been inclined to give up – if Hazel wouldn't make the effort, why should Dylan? - but he knew he needed to keep going for Luke's sake and although Hazel had absolutely appalling taste in men, Dylan did like her and he wanted to be sure she was okay.

For at least the tenth time that day, he phoned her mobile.

For at least the tenth time that day, it went to voicemail.

* * *

"I don't deserve them," said Ariana. "I don't know why they haven't put me back into care."

"Because they love you," said Matilda. She'd phoned to ask if Ariana was feeling better, but now the suicidal feelings had gone, or at least become more ignorable, Ariana was in the guilty stage.

"But I've brought them nothing but trouble," sighed Ariana."I wish they'd adopted us the other way round."

Matilda hated herself because once or twice, she'd caught herself wishing the exact same thing. "I wish your parents had adopted both of us."

"You wouldn't like living with me all the time," Ariana warned her.

"I think I'd love it," said Matilda. "Though my parents say I'm impossible to live with, so it might not be so much fun for you."

She tried to speak lightly, but she just couldn't forget the time her adoptive mother said she understood why her real parents had given her away.

"I wish you didn't have to live with them, Tilly," said Ariana softly. "I really do. But I think you cope so well. I'm sure I'd have killed myself. I know I would."

"Then I'm definitely glad they adopted me and not you," said Matilda.

"But one day, me and you and Dylan and Lottie will all live together!" said Ariana. "We'll make it all nice and we'll all live together till we're like, twenty-five or something and then we'll all get married to really amazing men."

Matilda didn't argue. She knew what Ariana was doing. Her therapist encouraged her to look to the future and envisage a positive, happy life. Matilda wasn't sure if Ariana really believed it was possible.

But even a dream could make a horrible situation a tiny bit more bearable.

Matilda had been dreaming of Cal all evening.

Dr Knight. Her knight in shining scrubs.

* * *

Rita and Iain sprang apart as Alfie burst into the living room.

His eyes were wild and it took him a moment or two to get the words out. "Is it true?"

Rita's heart sank. She'd been afraid of this. Bad news had travelled fast when she was at school, but now, in the age of social media and smartphones, it travelled almost at the speed of light.

But she tried to keep her face and voice calm. "Is what true, sweetheart?"

She could tell Alfie was upset when he failed to pull a face at her use of the endearment. "Ariana. Everyone's saying she tried to kill herself."

"Alfie, you know how everything gets exaggerated online," said Iain.

"But she didn't come back to school after I broke up with her," said Alfie, his voice shaking.

Rita tried to speak soothingly. "She might have gone… shopping."

"Don't lie to me!" said Alfie. He was breathing hard. "If you know anything at all, you've got to tell me."

"Sweetheart, you know we can't tell you anything about our patients," said Rita.

Alfie flopped into a chair, his head in his hands. "Why did you tell me to break up with her, Mum? Why did you let me make her do that?"

Rita couldn't speak, but Iain was there. "Alfie, if you're not happy with someone, you have to break up with them. You can't stay with someone for the rest of your life just because you know she might not take a breakup well. Your happiness matters too."

"But it's my fault!" said Alfie.

Iain glanced at Rita for help, and with an effort, she spoke. "It's not your fault, Alfie. It happened because of her condition. It's always better to try to take her feelings into account, but not the expense of your own happiness."

Alfie raised tortured eyes to Rita's. "But I'm _not_ happy, Mum. Not now I know what she did."

* * *

When he was finally alone with Ethan and Lily, Cal let his excitement take hold. "I saw her," he said, clutching at Ethan's arm. "I saw Matilda." He was trembling with excitement and emotion. "It's my Matilda this time: I know she is! She looks like Taylor and she has so much in common with me. And she's the right age and she's called Matilda!"

Ethan looked terribly worried. "Oh, Cal," he said softly. "I'm so sorry you're still feeling like this. It's been a while, so I was really hoping…" He exchanged a glance with Lily.

"Feeling like what?" said Cal, confused. "I'm happy!"

"Okay: Point One," said Lily. "You've seen lots of different girls and 'known' she was your Matilda, so we already know those instincts can't be trusted. Point Two: they _always_ look like Taylor so again, we can't trust your opinion. Point Three: Matilda's not your daughter and she couldn't have inherited any qualities or defects from you so the fact you have something in common proves nothing. Point Four: there are a lot of girls of that age called Matilda – and we don't even know that's the name her adoptive family gave her."

Cal looked at Ethan, certain that he'd say something in his brother's defence, but Ethan shook his head. "I am sorry, Cal, but Lily's right."

"But she ran away!" said Cal, jabbing his finger towards the door as a demonstration. "She was worried about her friend and she couldn't cope so she ran away. Just like I do."

"Just like a lot of patients' relatives do," said Lily inexorably.

"And we had this connection!" continued Cal. "We understood each other, Ethan. We found it easy to talk to each other."

Ethan put his hand on Cal's arm. "Cal, you find most girls easy to talk to."

"And she didn't fancy me!" said Cal. "That proves she's related to me."

" _Matilda_ isn't related to you!" rapped out Lily. "She's not your daughter."

Ethan put his arm around Cal. "Cal, I know how much you want this girl to be Matilda. But she's not _your_ Matilda and you need to accept that."

Cal shrugged off Ethan's arm. "How can you possibly know? You haven't even met her."

Ethan looked close to tears. "No, I haven't met her. And it's possible that she is Taylor's daughter. It's unlikely, but it's possible."

Lily took Ethan's hand.

"Then…" said Cal.

"But Taylor's Matilda isn't yours," said Ethan gently. "She was adopted, Cal. She belongs to someone else now. She's got a new life; a new identity." He stroked Cal's shoulder. "You're not part of her life, Cal. I really am so sorry to hurt you, but-"

"No!" Cal jumped to his feet, breathing hard. "She is my daughter. I know she is."

Lily spoke quietly. "I am sorry, Cal. But Ethan is right."

Ethan stood up and put his arm around Cal again. "You've got to let her go, Cal. You've let this control your life for fifteen years and what good has it done you? You're not happy. You've stopped going out. You've stopped all the things you used to enjoy. I know you're struggling at work too. Please, Cal. You've got to let Matilda go. For your sake."

"But… but she made me so happy," said Cal with a hiccup. He sank back down onto the sofa. "She made me feel like I had a purpose in life; a place in the world. Finally, I was important to someone."

"You're important to us," said Ethan.

"Very important," agreed Lily. "You're wonderful with Caleb. With all the children."

"I don't just mean that." Cal wiped tears from his eyes. "Matilda needed me and she couldn't have managed without me. But you and Lily and the kids could. You don't need me."

Ethan held Cal tightly. "I'm not sure if we could manage without you, actually."

"I love her, Ethan," said Cal tearfully. "I love her. Every day, I think of her. I wonder about her. I hope she's okay. Maybe I even pray for her… I don't know. I don't know who I'm talking to: if it's God or myself or something else. But all I want is to hold her in my arms and keep her safe and make things better and today, I thought I was doing that."

"You did make things better for her," said Ethan.

Lily nodded. "Louise told me Matilda was much calmer when she saw you together than when she ran away."

Cal looked at her, his heart filling with hope.

"But that's just your job, Cal," said Ethan. "You're not her dad. You're not even her friend."

Cal wanted to push him away again, but he didn't have the energy. He hid his face in his hands. "I love her, Ethan. I just love her."

"I know," whispered Ethan.

"You provided support when she most needed it," said Lily. "You did a very good thing, Cal. But she's not your daughter. You don't have a daughter. Maybe if you can get over this, you'll have a chance of having a daughter for real, but you won't if you go on like this. You must try to fight it, Cal. You will not be happy if spend the rest of your life giving your love to someone who can't give it back."


	8. Chapter 8

**ANNOUNCEMENT** : _I've decided to change the plot slightly to bring in two more Casualty characters. I made two changes to previous chapters, but one just changes a surname and the other is just an extra line that makes it clear Rita and Iain know these people. I hope everything else still makes sense._

 **TheAtomicCheesepuff** , thank you for your review. Cal does have a bit of a history of ignoring advice so there's a fairly good chance this time won't be the exception! I'm really glad you're enjoying it.

 **Tato Potato** , Cal and Matilda both really seem to need each other at the moment. So don't worry: they definitely will meet again! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review - it really is lovely to know you're enjoying it. I put in 'knight in shining scrubs' because that's not far off (but more accurate than) what Cal calls himself - another connection between them!

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , yes, he definitely will meet her again soon! Not in this chapter, but let's just say she's heading in the right direction. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think it can be very satisfying reading about horrible people suffering, but if a character is attractive, that deepens your level of emotional involvement so much more because you really want to see them get through their pain and come out the other side. Thank you for your review - I'm so happy you're enjoying it.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I really am so happy Matilda is coming over as a good friend - I was a bit worried as she's always unhappy and she needs to be a worthy daughter for Cal!

* * *

Ariana smiled as she said goodbye to her parents, but it didn't reach her eyes. "See you tonight," she said.

It was more than just the casually-spoken words so many children would be saying to their parents. In this case, it was a promise that Ariana would still be alive tonight. It was a sentence her parents longed for every day; a sentence they feared and dreaded not hearing.

But the comfort it offered was limited when it was so clear their daughter wasn't happy.

"Maybe this was a mistake," said Zoe, when Ariana had gone.

Max stared at her. "What do you mean-" He broke off and lowered his voice, even though the chances of Ariana's hearing him through the door were low. "What do you mean: a mistake?"

"Adopting Ariana," said Zoe. "Maybe I'm just not cut out for it. Maybe I can't have children for a reason."

Max shook his head and wrapped his wife in his arms. "Zoe Walker, you are a brilliant mum. Don't you ever say any different. I know Ariana's going through a bad patch. I know she might be going through a bad patch for the rest of her life. But the other thing I know is that it would have been a hell of a lot worse without you."

"We'll never know that for sure," said Zoe sadly.

"But look at the difference we've made!" said Max, still holding Zoe tightly. "Don't forget how hard we had to work to win her trust; her love. She was six years old: old enough to understand that she'd been rejected by two sets of parents already. But you got through to her. _You_ , Zoe. Not me."

"It was you as well," said Zoe.

"I tried my best, Zoe, but it was you who sat with her for hours and just waited. You who understood she was only pushing us away because she was scared of the moment where we would do the same. You who welcomed every sign of affection and forgave every rejection." His eyes bored into Zoe's. "You weren't thinking of letting her go? Was that what you meant when you said you weren't 'cut out for it'?"

Zoe felt a flash of anger. "Of course not! I love Ariana and I could never let her go. I believe I was probably the wrong person to adopt her-"

"Of course you weren't!"

"-but I know that letting her go will do her far more harm than keeping her with me. I can't let her go, Max. I _won't_. But maybe we need more help."

"She's already in therapy," said Max.

"But that's provided by the NHS," said Zoe. "Maybe we should go private. We have our savings."

Max was frowning as he still did whenever he was reminded that Zoe had been the principal wage-earner – and even now she'd taken early retirement, her savings seemed to be of more use than Max's salary.

"If we go private, Ariana's therapist can be hand-picked," said Zoe. She looked pleadingly up at him. "Just think about it, Max. For me."

* * *

Iain knew Rita had wanted him to have a man-to-man chat with Alfie on the way to school, but the truth was he'd barely said a word. Rita didn't seem to understand how difficult it was for men to talk about their emotions. In the first place, it just wasn't done so it felt weird. In the second place, you actually had to find the words. Even then, there was no guarantee you'd get any response other than a grunt.

"Dad?" Alfie said without looking at Iain.

"Yeah?"

"I…" Alfie turned to face Iain. "I wanted to ask you…"

"Yeah?" said Iain, hoping this was encouragement enough. He knew what Rita would say, but it would probably freak Alfie out completely if his dad suddenly got all touchy-feely.

But Alfie's courage seemed to fail him. "I… I'm still not feeling that great. Maybe I should have another day off school."

Iain was quite tempted. If he took Alfie home now, maybe Rita would conclude that Iain wasn't cut out for all this heart-to-heart business and she would do it herself. It was definitely more a conversation for a nurse than a paramedic.

They both knew that Alfie wasn't really ill. They both had more than enough medical training – and more than enough parenting – to know that. He'd stayed off school because he was avoiding Ariana.

They knew that – but they hadn't said anything about it to Alfie.

Iain thought about taking him home and let Rita deal with it – but then he realised he didn't want to. He didn't want to leave all the tough-parenting to Rita. He wanted to help his son too.

"Sorry, mate," Iain said at last. "It is hard going back to school when you've been… when you've been ill. Not being sure if you've got the strength for a full day. But me and Mum think you're ready to go back so we'd really like you to give it a try." He looked sympathetically at Alfie. "It's not going to be any easier tomorrow, you know."

* * *

Ethan could always tell when Cal was up to something. If he was checking the computer for a legitimate reason, then he was completely relaxed and didn't care if someone walked past him. When he was doing something he shouldn't, he jumped a mile if anyone came within three feet of him.

Also, he had this habit of running his hand down the screen and mumbling to himself. He obviously thought this made his performance more convincing, but it actually had quite the opposite effect.

"What are you doing, Cal?"

Cal jumped and hunched over the screen. "Just looking up a patient."

"Really?" said Ethan. "One of your patients or somebody else's? Or is it just the _friend_ of one of Lily's patients?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" said Cal.

Ethan would have said more, but at that point, Lily appeared. She looked so beautiful, Ethan couldn't help but smile.

Lily gave him a quick but loving smile before turning to Cal. "Dr Knight, a word, please."

"Could you give me five seconds?" said Cal.

"Yes, of course," said Lily. "One, two, three, four, five. Your time is up, Dr Knight. Come with me, please."

Cal didn't dare argue with Lily when she was in that sort of mood. Neither did Ethan, for that matter. He waited until Cal and Lily had gone, then he went over and looked at Cal's screen.

There was nothing to see now, but Ethan checked the history.

As he'd expected, Cal had been searching for patients named Matilda.

* * *

Matilda hated hockey. She hated most sports, really. She enjoyed watching football on the TV and was an ardent Blues supporter, but she did not like playing sports. It was cold; it was uninteresting and she wasn't very good at them.

She didn't think she was very good at anything, but she was particularly bad at sports.

It was another way in which she felt different from her parents. Her mum loved hockey and had played for the county team. Her dad had reached a similar level with rugby. They accepted, of course, that Matilda couldn't have inherited their sports talent as she wasn't their real daughter, but they were completely unable to understand why she didn't enjoy it.

"Matilda!" called Lottie. She tapped the ball delicately with her stick and it flew to Matilda's feet. "Come on, Matilda! You can do it!"

Matilda swung her stick at the ball and missed it completely. A laughing opposition player descended upon her and swiped the ball away before she could try again. The girl dribbled around Matilda and passed to a team-mate, who knocked it into the goal.

"Ma _til_ da!" shouted most of her team-mates.

Dylan came charging upfield. "Why are you blaming Matilda? She missed the shot, which can happen to anyone, but she didn't let the goal in and I didn't see any of the rest of you getting a tackle in."

"But she's rubbish!" was the inevitable reply.

"If that is the case, which I'm not saying I agree with, then that would make her less responsible, not more," said Dylan. "Perhaps Matilda couldn't have prevented the goal, but if you're all half as brilliant as you think you are, then I'm sure you could have picked up the ball in mid-air and scored from our half. Right: let's get on, shall we?"

As usual, nobody argued with Dylan. Matilda gave her a grateful smile and did her best to stay out of the way of the ball as the game continued. She watched as Lottie raced up the side of the pitch. Another girl stormed in to tackle her and their sticks clacked together. Lottie twisted and turned in an effort to get the ball on the way, but her foot slipped and she fell hard on her shoulder.

The other girl apologised quickly, but Lottie didn't get up. A moment passed, then Dylan raced down the field to Lottie's side. She bent over her, examining her and asking quick questions. "Matilda, we need an ambulance. Can you go and ask Miss if she's got her phone? If not, go to the payphone near the hall."

"What should I tell her?" said Matilda.

"Fifteen-year-old female with anterior dislocation of the shoulder following a twisting fall during a game of hockey. Fully conscious; no sign of head injury. Junior first-aiders on site. I'm going to support and secure the arm, but I can't replace the joint myself." Dylan was removing her hockey bib and sweatshirt as she spoke. "Thanks, Tilly. Don't worry: you can do this."

Ariana was already sitting beside Lottie's good shoulder, one hand on her back as she spoke softly to her.

"Lottie, can you lean your head towards the injured shoulder?" Dylan was saying as Matilda left. "It might help with the pain. That's right. Ari, could we have your sweatshirt too for extra support? Thanks: that's great."

Matilda hurried to find one their teacher, desperately trying to remember the information Dylan had given her.


	9. Chapter 9

_I'm sorry there's no Matilda and little Cal - they will meet again soon, I promise! There will be lots of Cal and some Matilda in Chapter 10 and they will get lots of time together in Chapter 11._

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , I completely agree with you! Zoe would be a brilliant mum and I'm sure she's a brilliant mum to Ariana. Matilda wants to be Zoe's daughter, after all - or she did until she met Cal. Thank you for your review!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Tilly does get bullied - at home as well as at school. You really are so kind - I'll try to keep updating every day, but I might not always manage it. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , I wanted Matilda to go to the ED with Lottie, but I couldn't see the school letting more than one friend go and Dylan is the obvious choice. But Matilda will get there as soon as she can! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. It's really lovely you think the girls are doctor material. Imagine how proud Cal would be if Matilda became a doctor! I bet they all still have immature moments though.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying so many of the storylines. I have to agree Max is being stupid about wages, but I think he'll still be griping about that when he's 100!

* * *

The doors opened, and Louise and Dylan moved quickly towards the trolley. Louise immediately recognised the female Dylan, who was helping with the trolley once more. Louise half-glanced at the patient, expecting it to be Ariana again, but it wasn't.

It was the girl Louise had taken such a surprising liking to.

"This is Lottie-Daniela Andrews, aged fifteen," began Dixie.

Louise felt the hospital swimming around her.

She kept on walking; she kept on taking in the information provided by Dixie. But the name kept repeating itself over and over again in her mind and now she knew exactly why Lottie had seemed so familiar.

As Dixie finished talking, Louise returned her attention to Lottie. She looked pale and her arm was in a sling made from dark blue fabric.

"It's going to be okay, Lottie," she promised. "We'll look after you."

Without Lottie, after all, Louise probably wouldn't be here.

Louise had been considering going back to nursing when she'd met Lottie's parents. Jacob kept telling her she belonged in nursing and she had been called upon a couple of times to use her first aid skills and talking to the agency nurse, Duffy, had really helped.

But the main reason for returning had been her experience in helping to deliver Lottie safely - and the lovely moment afterwards when Robyn had passed on the parents' thanks to Louise for 'digging her heels in'. She had also said that the baby was called Lottie-Daniela.

Louise knew that, without her intervention, Lottie-Daniela might never have had a name.

 _If I hadn't succeeded, neither of us would have been here_ , Louise thought, as she mechanically got on with her job. _I wouldn't be a nurse and she wouldn't be alive to be a patient._

Louise always did her best for her patients, but she couldn't help feeling that Lottie deserved that little bit more.

* * *

Ethan opened the door of the staff room and found Cal sitting there alone. He looked tired and stressed, as he so often did. Ethan said a quiet hello and Cal jumped, just as he had earlier when he'd been using the computer.

Ethan decided to go straight to the point. "Cal, I know you were searching for Matilda on the computer."

Cal sighed. "And I knew you wouldn't have been able to keep your nose out."

"I was worried," said Ethan.

"Why?" said Cal. "There's nothing to worry about!"

Ethan sat beside him and looked seriously at Cal. "I really think there is."

Cal stared at him, a muscle twitching in his face. Then, quite suddenly, he jumped to his feet. "Just leave me alone!" Cal started to move away, but Ethan caught his wrist. He knew that Cal could pull away from him if he wanted to; Cal was still much stronger than Ethan.

But Cal just looked at him for a moment and the fight went out of him. He flopped back onto the sofa.

"Cal, I know you miss Matilda," said Ethan. "But using hospital resources to find out information about someone else's child… that's pretty serious."

Cal spoke without looking at Ethan. "She's not on there. Well, she is, but the only record is the time we brought her in."

Ethan closed his eyes for a moment. He would never forget that day. His birthday. The last day Matilda had been theirs.

"I keep checking," said Cal emotionally. "I've been checking for years for a Matilda with her birthday. I never found one. I knew I might never find one because she might not be called Matilda. But I had to keep checking."

"What would you have done if you had found her?" asked Ethan, almost inaudibly.

"Honestly?" Cal rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know." He paused. "Don't you ever miss her, Ethan? Not even a little bit?"

Ethan wanted to say no, but the words burst out of him. "Of course I do, Cal. Of course I do. I have my own children now, but Matilda will always be my niece." He looked sadly at Cal. "But we gave her up, Cal. We gave up our right to know anything about her."

"But I never gave up loving her," whispered Cal.

"Neither did I," admitted Ethan.

* * *

"See you in a bit, then, yeah?" Ella smiled at her patient, walked out of the cubicle and into Dylan. "Sorry, Dr Keogh."

"Dr Ashford, have you ever performed a reduction of a dislocated shoulder?" said Dylan.

"Oh!" said Ella. "I don't know. No, I don't think so. I've done an elbow."

"Then come with me and you can add it to your portfolio," said Dylan.

"Cool!" said Ella. "Thanks, Dr Keogh." She squeezed his arm and felt him tense. "Oh. Sorry." Ella hurriedly removed her hand. "But you got off pretty lightly, you know. When Dr Hardy – Dr _Lily_ Hardy – invited me to insert a chest drain for her, I literally like, hugged her. The clinical lead!" Ella giggled. "She looked at me like she wanted to change her mind, but luckily, she didn't." She frowned. "But she did say she'd fix it up for me to do an abscess drainage and she never did."

* * *

Max opened the front door as quietly as he could and closed the door carefully behind him. He knew Zoe might not be in, in which case all this sneaking around might be wasted, but he still loved her reaction when he sneaked up behind her and put his arms around her. (Zoe had started saying she was getting too old to cope with the shock, but Max always said not to worry: he knew where the ED was.)

He wasn't working in the ED now. There hadn't been much point in staying after Zoe had left in order to spend more time with Ariana. So Max had quit and got himself a job in IT. Admittedly, he was only a cleaner, which was only a marginal step up from being a porter (fewer bodily fluids in an office, but you still used a mop), but when a hacking incident revealed Max to be more computer-savvy than all their fancy young graduates, the boss offered him a job and put him on the first rung on the ladder.

Five years later, Max was still on the first rung of the ladder, but he hadn't given up hope yet.

Zoe wasn't in the living room. Max searched the ground floor, crept up the stairs and looked there too, but there was no sign of his wife. He returned to the living room and wondered if he was too old to await her naked on the sofa. He was still considering the question as he started moving piles of Zoe's rubbish out of the way.

He wasn't actually _looking_ at anything, but it was impossible to pick something up from the sofa and put it on the floor without having some idea of what it was.

So, he told himself, he wasn't being nosy when he discovered the list in Zoe's handwriting headed: POSSIBLE JOBS.

* * *

Dylan had to admit that Lottie's friend was a lot less irritating than most relatives. She wasn't hysterical, which was always a positive. The information she'd provided on Lottie's general health had been relevant and clearly-expressed. And unlike most relatives who hung onto the trolley for dear life, Lottie's friend had actually helped them to manoeuvre it quickly and smoothly across the floor.

She was actually far easier to handle than the junior doctor. Dylan was firmly of the opinion that the words: "Oh my God: I'm well excited!" had no place in any doctor's vocabulary.

Ella was now administering pain relief. "How did you do this, then, babe? Playing hockey? Oh my God, I hated hockey when I was at school. No offence. The balls kept hitting me on the ankles. Anyone would think them bitches done it on purpose! Oh, sorry. I'm not supposed to say 'bitch'."

"Get her out of here," Dylan said to Louise, nodding towards Lottie's friend and wishing he could ask her to take Ella with her.

Lottie's friend took a step closer. "I was wondering if I might actually stay and watch, Dr Keogh. I am hoping to study medicine in the future and it would be really interesting for me – as well as more comforting for Lottie – if I could-"

She stopped suddenly, staring at something on his shirt. Dylan had taken another step towards her and was honestly rather surprised by her reaction. She certainly hadn't seemed the kind of girl who would be easily scared.

"Dr Keogh." The girl's self-command had returned. "I think we might have met before."

"More than likely," said Dylan shortly. "I treat a lot of patients. Louise, could you…." He gestured towards the door.

"I doubt you remember me and I certainly don't remember you," said the girl.

Dylan was confused now. How could she know him if she didn't remember him?

"You cared for one of my mothers when she was in labour," said the girl. "I think you must have done a good job as I ended up being named after you." She held out her hand, smiling, her face suddenly softer. "I'm Dylan Wilkinson-Brae. It's good to see you again, Dr Keogh."


	10. Chapter 10

**Tanith Panic** , I'm really glad you liked Dylan's meeting with Dylan. Exactly: Max hasn't necessarily even seen Zoe since she made that list so she's not necessarily keeping secrets! Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're enjoying the story.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter - more Cal and Ethan in this one!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review - I'm glad I made you smile! I don't think Cal will ever stop loving Matilda.

* * *

Rita sidled up to Iain as he was leaving the ED. "So, why are you avoiding me?"

"No reason!" said Iain, which meant there was definitely a reason, but he was hoping to get away with not telling her.

"I'm glad there isn't a reason," said Rita. "Because I'd really hate to think you were avoiding me because you haven't decided what you're going to say when I ask you how it went with Alfie."

Iain smiled winningly at her. "It went fine," he said. "I said things; he said things. We had a conversation."

Rita sighed. She liked joking around with Iain, but this was serious. "Iain, please just tell me what happened."

Iain put his arm around her, had a quick look around and moved them into a quiet corner. "I didn't know what to say to him, Rita. I'm sorry."

"Okay," said Rita, disappointed with her husband but realising an argument wouldn't help Alfie. "We do need to talk to him about it. We've given him time; waited for him to come to us, but he hasn't. We need to talk to him and we're going to do it tonight."

* * *

Matilda was trying not to feel jealous. Only one pupil was permitted to travel in the ambulance with Ariana, and Dylan was easily the best choice. She knew Ariana's medical history; she'd be able to help treat Ariana if needed, and even if she did miss the whole of afternoon school, she wouldn't need to worry about catching up because she was so far ahead already.

But Matilda wanted to see Cal.

She'd wanted to see him ever since they'd said goodbye.

When the text arrived, she felt guilty for envying her friend.

"It's from Dylan," said Ariana. "She's sending us a taxi to take us to the hospital."

Matilda gasped. "Oh, I hope Cal's there! I mean, he's a very good doctor. Obviously, I want Lottie to have the best doctor there is."

Ariana smiled, but was kind enough not to comment.

"Ariana! Wait up!"

Ariana froze. At first Matilda thought it was one of the teachers, but then she realised it was worse.

"Ariana!" Alfie caught up with them, panting slightly.

Ariana's voice was barely audible. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you," said Alfie. His voice was serious and the dark eyes so many of the girls admired were fixed intently on Ariana's face.

"Well, I don't want to talk to you!" Ariana burst out dramatically. "You lost the right to talk to me when you told me it was over." She grabbed Matilda's hand and started walking.

Alfie came after them. "Ari, I never meant to hurt you. I think you're great. But some things just aren't meant to be: you know?"

"I can't talk about this." Ariana's eyes were full of tears. She started to run, dragging Matilda along with her. "Not now, Alfie! Not ever."

* * *

Lily looked from Ethan to Cal and back again and nodded to herself. Something had happened. Ethan was no longer shooting Cal looks of concern; Cal had stopped pouting. Instead, they were standing close together, both looking sad.

As Lily watched, Ethan put his hand on Cal's arm and said something into his ear. Cal managed a tiny smile and nodded. Ethan smiled back, patted his arm and Cal left.

Lily walked up to Ethan. "What's going on?"

Ethan laughed nervously. "Why would you think anything is going on?"

"Because we've been married for twelve years," said Lily.

Ethan made a great show of checking the time. "Isn't it time for you to go and pick up Caleb?"

To Lily's annoyance, he was right. "Very well. I will go now. But I'm not going to forget about this, Ethan. We can talk when you get home."

* * *

Ella was amazed by how well the two Dylans were getting on. Dr Keogh wasn't usually that good at chatting, but he looked almost animated as he talked her through Lottie's 'Before and After' x-rays (as Ella called them).

"Um… Dylan," said Dr Keogh. "Have you considered applying for a work experience placement at this hospital?"

"Oh yeah, I done one of them," interrupted Ella. "It was well good. You should give it a try, Dylan. You know loads more than I did when I did mine."

"Thank you," said Dylan, smiling at both of them. "I'd like that."

Dr Keogh looked like he was trying to smile. "Right. Well. If you'd like to come with me… Louise, you'll stay with Lottie, won't you?"

"Of course," said Louise, who seemed as much taken with Lottie as Dr Keogh was with Dylan.

But before the Dylans could leave, the door opened. "Sorry to interrupt, Dylan," said Lofty. "But you're needed in Resus."

A look almost of disappointment passed over Dr Keogh's face. "Dr Ashford, would you be able to find the paperwork for Dylan?"

"Yeah, sure," said Ella. "No probs."

She smiled inwardly as Dr Keogh winced. She knew he thought her speech was far too casual and colloquial, but everyone was different. Ella could write grammatically when called upon, and was actually rather better in the punctuation department than Dr Keogh, but Ella didn't see why she should change her way of speaking just because she was a doctor.

"Lottie, there was actually something I wanted to tell you," Louise was saying as Ella and Dylan left the room. The nurse sounded quite excited. "Don't worry. It was nothing bad. But we've actually met before. You were…"

To Ella's annoyance, she couldn't hear any more after that, but she could always get the gossip from Louise later.

"Have you always wanted to be a doctor?" she asked Dylan.

Dylan smiled. "Yes: although there have been a few changes to my area of speciality. At first, I wanted to be a GP like my grandfather. Then I thought of becoming a surgeon, a paediatrician and an obstetrician before settling on emergency medicine. What about you, Dr Ashford?"

"Oh God: call me Ella," said Ella, repressing a shudder. "Whenever anyone says 'Dr Ashford', I always think they mean my dad."

"It runs in your family too then, Ella," observed Dylan.

Ella nodded. "My dad wanted me to be a doctor, but I was a right little rebel so I decided to do beauty therapy instead. It was okay, but the only bits that really like, stimulated me were injury-related massage and doing first aid. So finally I admitted to myself I wanted to be a doctor and went to med school when I was twenty-six."

"Sometimes it can take time to work out what you want to do," said Dylan. "And I'm sure all your experiences of dealing with the public as a beautician have helped you develop your bedside manner."

"Yeah, you're right actually," said Ella, slightly freaked out to realise this girl was young enough to be her daughter. "And I'll tell you something else. I can spot a fake tan allergy a mile off!"

* * *

Louise could hardly speak for excitement. "Noel, you'll never guess what!"

Noel sighed. "Don't tell me there's a sale in Dolsy and Gabbana."

"No, it's better than that!" said Louise.

This time, Noel groaned. "It's a sale at Jimmy Choo, isn't it?"

"Noel, would you stop talking about clothes and shoes?" said Louise. "This is serious. You know that girl who came in last week with the girl with BPD? The one I said I knew from somewhere?"

"Yeah, I remember," said Noel, in the voice he used when he had no recollection at all.

"She's here!" said Louise. "She dislocated her shoulder playing hockey. And you'll never guess what!"

"What?" said Noel, sounding not the least bit interested.

"She's Lottie-Daniela!" Louise blinked back tears. "She's the baby I delivered the night after Zoe and Max's first wedding. The baby who helped me to make the decision to go back to nursing!"

* * *

For a moment or two, all Cal could do was stare at Louise, but then he ran over to her and seized her arm. "Did Lottie bring any of her friends with her?" he asked urgently.

"Yeah: a girl called Dylan," said Louise, removing his hand and rubbing her arm pointedly, but she was clearly too excited to complain. "And it was so weird: Dr Keogh was helping me treat Lottie and it turned out he delivered Lottie's friend Dylan – she was named after him! And they've got another friend called Ariana, who's Zoe and Max's daughter, and she used to go out with Rita and Iain's son!"

Emotion swept through Cal. _And their other friend Matilda is_ my _daughter…_ "Can I see her, Louise? Can I see Lottie? Please?"

Louise looked surprised, but she nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'll take you to her room."

* * *

Dylan was smiling as he made his way to the staff room for his break. He remembered how embarrassed and awkward he'd felt when Chloe Wilkinson and Lally Brae had decided to name their daughter after him, but he realised he felt almost proud now. He'd never thought of having a daughter himself, but if he had, he'd have wanted her to be like Dylan. Intelligent, independent, competent and very engaging. He had no doubt that she'd be an excellent doctor.

Dylan sighed as his phone started to ring. It was probably Luke to say he was probably going out with Maya or his mates and wouldn't want dinner. Dylan hoped he was with his mates. Alfie Dean and Charlie Bateman were good lads, if rather too noisy for Dylan's liking, but Maya Wescott was trouble.

Dylan got out his phone and looked at the display. "Hello, Hazel. Thanks for getting back to me." There was a hint of sarcasm, but mostly, he was just relieved to hear from her.

"Hi, Dylan," said Hazel. The line was terrible, but he could just about make out her voice. "Sorry for not ringing you back before."

"Is everything all right?" said Dylan, but what it wasn't what he really wanted to ask. _Where have you been? Why haven't you been in contact with your son?_

"Not really," said Hazel, and her voice shook slightly. "You were right about your dad, Dylan. You were so right."


	11. Chapter 11

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It's lovely that you can see the positives of Cal loving Matilda so much - there are negative sides, but love is a positive emotion.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid I can't promise that Cal won't do anything reckless - you know what he's like! But that's one reason why we love him.

 **Tanith Panic** , I really wanted to fit the characters together as much as I could. Connections like that always make me smile and it's good to know I'm not the only one! Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , Cal and Matilda will finally meet again in this chapter! He really is putting a lot of hope into it - which is dangerous because he's probably built up an 'ideal' Matilda in his mind. Thank you for your review!

 _I'm sorry there's only one Cal and Matilda scene instead of two - there were two, but the chapter was too long so I had to split it into two chapters._

* * *

Zoe shifted her shopping bags into one arm, pulled her key out of her pocket and unlocked the door. All the way round the shops, she'd been thinking about how she would tell Max what she was planning to do.

They weren't exactly _short_ of money, but Max still wasn't earning very much and Ariana might need a lot of therapy. It might be difficult, though not impossible, for Ariana to hold down a job in the future, and Zoe wanted to make sure there was money available in case she needed it.

She was forced to admit that giving up work in order to give Ariana more attention hadn't been a success. Ariana was sweet and loving and seemed to like Zoe's company, but it didn't seem to have made her any happier.

The sad truth was that nothing seemed to help: at least not in the long-term. Zoe had been told there was no cure for BPD, but she'd chosen to believe that with all her medical knowledge, she would have the advantage over most mothers.

Of course, she was wrong. Zoe's medical knowledge had helped in that she knew instantly how to treat the cuts, burns and bruises Ariana inflicted on herself, but that was all.

But despite all this, Zoe loved Ariana and felt grateful and lucky to have her as a daughter. There was a school of thought that people with BPD only cared for themselves, but that was wrong. There were times when they could only think of themselves because they felt under threat; the constant fear of rejection could be crippling and anyone would struggle to live with constant fear. But Ariana cared for her family and friends. In her career, Zoe had met many caring people with BPD who felt constant guilt for not being 'normal'.

Zoe unpacked her shopping and then went into the living room, expecting to find papers all over the sofa where she'd left them, but it was almost empty. The floor, however, was littered with papers.

Max had been there.

Zoe was smiling as she lay down on the sofa. She had no idea if Max was still there and if not, she was disappointed to have missed him, but he'd certainly done her a favour by moving those papers so she could sit down.

Then the top paper caught her eye.

POSSIBLE JOBS.

* * *

Cal knew he was getting some odd looks. He was sure half the waiting room was wondering why the guy in the scrub top kept hanging round the reception desk for minutes at a time, yet rarely actually called a patient.

He'd seen Noel throw some questioning glances his way, but he studiously avoided catching the receptionist's eye. Instead, he stayed where he was, watching for two people: his brother and his daughter.

Ethan was in charge in Lily's absence. It still annoyed Cal that that the hospital board had chosen Lily over Ethan to be clinical lead. It also annoyed Cal that they hadn't invited _him_ to apply for the post, but he'd found he was actually more annoyed on his brother's behalf. Ethan could be shy and awkward, but he always listened and was always fair.

Cal had another quick look around to check Ethan was nowhere in evidence, then turned back to see his daughter.

Matilda looked beautiful. She'd looked beautiful the last time too, but this was the first time he'd seen her without swollen eyes and a red nose. She looked pale and upset, but she looked absolutely stunning and so like her mother – yet different. The expression on her face was different. She looked sweet and innocent and afraid.

"Matilda!" Cal knew he'd called her name loudly enough to make heads turn, but he didn't care. He walked quickly towards her and then had to resist the urge to hug her. "Hey, sweetheart. Hey, Ariana."

"Cal!" Matilda's face lit up.

"How are you?" said Cal. He nearly added: _It's been ages_ , but of course, it had only been a week.

Matilda smiled shyly at him. "We're fine, thank you, Cal. Just worried about Lottie."

"Lottie's doing much better now," said Cal. "She doesn't need surgery and there was no further injury to the arm or shoulder joint. The only reason we've kept her in is because we need parental consent to discharge her – we just haven't had any luck in contacting her parents so far." He looked at Matilda again and felt proud. He knew Matilda ought to be at school, but she clearly believed friendship was more important than education and he definitely agreed with that.

"But she's okay?" asked Matilda.

Cal could see she was really worried. "She's fine now. She is experiencing a bit of pain, but she has painkillers and we've put her arm in a sling."

"I told Matilda Lottie will wear the sling for two-to-three weeks," said Ariana.

Cal nodded and smiled. "That's right. She'll also have follow-up appointments with orthopaedics and physiotherapy. Once her arm's out of the sling, she'll have some exercises to do to strengthen her shoulder."

"Doesn't she have to put frozen peas on it first?" said Ariana. She looked nervous, as though she didn't want to be wrong.

"You girls are all seriously smart," said Cal, impressed. Matilda was the most intelligent, of course, but her friends all ran her close. "I don't need to explain anything! But if you have any questions, all you have to do is ask." He smiled and put his hand on Matilda's arm. "Shall we go and see Lottie now?"

"Is she okay to have visitors?" asked Matilda as they walked along.

"Lottie is a bit worried you might get into trouble for leaving school," said Cal. "But now she knows you're coming, she's looking forward to seeing you." He smiled. "I could be wrong, but I get the impression she's dying to tell you something."

* * *

Louise was still smiling. She'd always felt grateful to the baby who'd helped her back into nursing – a decision she'd never regretted – and now she'd had the chance to say so.

"Do you think…" began Lottie, and stopped.

"You can ask me anything!" said Louise. "We're mates now."

Lottie hesitated. "It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I've been told I'd be good at it, but not by anyone who really knows the profession."

"You mean you'd like to work in a hospital?" said Louise.

Shyly, Lottie nodded. "I know it's not an easy job, but I'd like to be a nurse."

"Honestly, I think you'd be really good at it," said Louise. "You've got a very nice, gentle way about you and you were great with Ariana and Matilda when-" She stopped as the door opened. A surprisingly happy-looking Cal was there with Matilda and Ariana. "Looks like your friends have arrived." She patted Lottie's good arm. "Talk to you later, babe: okay?"

She went off to reception to tell Noel that Lottie wanted to be a nurse, but she could tell from the serious expression on her husband's face that something was wrong.

"What is it?" she asked anxiously.

"I just got a call from Honey," said Noel heavily.

Louise groaned, her happiness draining away. "Don't tell me she's left her husband again."

Noel nodded. "Yep. She says it's for good this time."

"She said that the last three times," Louise pointed out.

"I know, but sometimes she does mean it." Noel defended his daughter. "She did leave her last two husbands for real eventually."

Louise wasn't entirely sure this was a point in Honey's favour. "When is that girl going to grow up? I'm sorry, Noel. I know she's your daughter and I do like her. But she's _forty_!"

Noel looked startled. "What are you talking about? Honey's only thirty. We went to her 30th a couple of months ago, remember?"

Louise started to laugh, but she quickly stopped herself. "Noel, if Honey was thirty, she'd have started working at the ED when she was fourteen. I really don't think that's very likely."


	12. Chapter 12

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you love Cal in my fanfics - I really love writing about him. There's more about Matilda and Cal in this chapter!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm not sure if Zoe will help Ariana to find a job in this story, but I'm sure she would do her best for her. I'd love it if Zoe was my mum, though I would be a bit embarrassed about her wedding night!

 **Tato** **Potato** , that's interesting about Matilda looking after Cal - I hadn't thought of that, but he does need a bit of looking after at the moment! I'll see if I can include that in the story. Thank you for the idea and for your review!

 **Tanith Panic** , actually, I got Honey's age wrong too as Noel said she was 22 in yesterday's episode, so she'd only be 38 in this story. But maybe she lied! Thank you for your review - it's nice to write about Cal talking to girls and NOT flirting!

 **ETWentHome** , I think Honey will always be Noel's little girl! Especially as that's how she behaves sometimes. You're right about Cal - he gets caught up in his beliefs so much and he completely forgets there could be another outcome. Thank you for your review.

* * *

 _I've also written a story based on yesterday's episode which I've been trying to post, but my computer freezes every time I try to select the category. I'm hoping it will let me update an existing story as I also want to update one of my other stories._

* * *

Dylan didn't know what to do.

No. That was wrong. He knew exactly what he had to do. He just didn't know how.

He wished Lofty was working today. Lofty was always good to talk to. He listened carefully; he didn't judge; and even if he couldn't think of a solution, he was always sympathetic. But Lofty was off sick and although Dylan knew he wouldn't mind getting a phone call, it didn't seem fair.

Dylan sighed and left the staff room. He walked back towards cubicles, only to encounter Ella and the girl Dylan.

Ella's pager was beeping. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Dylan. I've got to go to Resus or I'll be literally dead!" She caught sight of Dylan. "Dr Keogh, you'll look after Dylan, won't you?"

"Yes, of course," said Dylan K mechanically as Ella rushed off. He turned to Dylan. "Did Dr Ashford find the forms?"

Dylan nodded, a wry smile flitting over her face. "Yes, I've got them here. Thanks for suggesting it, Dr Keogh."

Dylan K guessed from the smile that Ella hadn't found the forms straightaway. He just hoped she hadn't left too much of a mess behind her.

The girl Dylan frowned. "Dr Keogh, is everything all right? If you need to be somewhere, I'll be fine by myself."

Dylan K believed her. His namesake seemed like one of those people who always would be fine.

He looked at her speculatively for a moment. He hardly knew her and she was legally only a child and he wasn't completely sure why he was even considering it, but he needed to talk to someone. "Dylan. I was wondering. You're fifteen, aren't you?"

Dylan nodded.

Dylan K couldn't quite believe he was saying this, but there was something about her that made him feel she could handle anything. "Would you be able to give me some advice?"

If Dylan was surprised, she hid it well. "I'd be very happy to try, Dr Keogh."

"I… I have a half-brother," said Dylan K. "He's fifteen too. I don't think I should go into details, but I had bad news about his mother today. I need to tell him. How would you want me to break the news if you were my sister?"

"Well, every fifteen year old is different," said Dylan. "And I'm more different than most. But I'd want to be told as soon as possible and as honestly as possible. Saving the news for 'a better moment' doesn't really make it hurt any less. If you hide it from him, that's another reason for him to be upset when he has enough to be upset about already. And I'd definitely want to know everything. If you leave anything out, he probably will notice and try in to fill in the gaps himself – and it would be natural to assume the worst."

Dylan K looked at her in surprise. He'd expected good advice, but nothing like this.

"Then, whatever his reaction is, accept it," said Dylan. "He might be angry. He might blame you in some way. But it will only make the situation worse if you get distracted by that. Just worry about the important problem: his mother."

Dylan K was nodding. "Thank you, Dylan," he said. "Thank you very much."

"I'm not saying it will definitely work," said Dylan quickly. "Everyone is different and you're both human beings. But that's what I'd want in your brother's situation."

* * *

Honey stood impatiently beside the taxi as the driver loaded her cases out of the boot and the back seat. He'd looked very annoyed when she'd handed him a twenty pound note and told him she wanted change, but divorce was expensive and Louise had told her last time that she couldn't expect her dad to help out again.

Louise. Honey's heavily-made-up eyes narrowed at the thought of her stepmother. She'd really liked Louise as a receptionist and felt reluctant but sincere admiration when she'd become a nurse (Honey had been convinced Louise was a fellow thicko), but she absolutely loathed her as a stepmother.

She'd thought Louise was after Noel's money until she remembered he hadn't got any because Honey had spent it.

She jumped as she heard the taxi driving away, leaving Honey's suitcases on the pavement. Honey shouted after him: "You might have taken it to the door for me!"

But no matter. Noel would carry it in for her. Honey tottered up to the door in her seven-inch wedges and rang the bell.

No answer. He was probably in the loo. Old people were always in the loo.

She gave him another five minutes (reluctantly carrying her suitcases up the drive to pass the time), but Noel still didn't answer.

A horrible suspicion began to grow in Honey's mind. She phoned Noel. "Where are you? I'm standing here on the doorstep, freezing to death!"

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't realise you'd get here already," said Noel. "Haven't you got your key?"

Her key. Honey did have a vague recollection of Noel giving her a key. Actually, she had quite a few vague recollections of Noel giving her a key. "What key? You never gave me no key. Are you coming to let me in or what?"

Noel sighed. "Give me fifteen minutes, Honey, okay?"

* * *

Matilda was relieved to see Lottie looking so much better. She was cheerful and smiley, and Matilda was sure she wasn't just putting a brave face on it. The reason for her happiness became clear when she told them that she and Louise weren't complete strangers.

Matilda and Lottie were even happier when Dylan arrived a few minutes later and told them that Dr Keogh was the famous Dr Dylan she'd wondered about for years.

"My mum says I was born here," said Ariana. "Maybe my doctor or nurse is still here too! My mum might know who they are as she used to work here. Were you born here, Matilda?"

"I don't know," admitted Matilda. "But when I'm with Cal, I do kind of get the sense that I know him."

Ariana smiled mischievously. "But you don't fancy him, do you, Tilly? Not at all."

"I don't think she does fancy him," said Dylan. "You obviously look up to him, Tilly, but that's a very different thing. I look up to Dr Keogh, but he must be in his late forties at least: too old to be a potential boyfriend."

Matilda nodded dreamily. "I don't think of Cal in that way at all, but he's just so kind and protective. He really goes out of his way to make me feel less scared."

"He does seem really lovely," said Lottie. "It was kind of him to get us some lunch. Especially as it probably wasn't really on the house."

"I wonder if he has children," said Matilda. "I bet he's a brilliant dad. He's really-" She stopped as she heard the door close, and turned to see Cal.

Face flaming, Matilda lowered her head.

"Hey, girls," said Cal. "Lottie, we managed to speak to your mum on the phone, but unfortunately, she can't get away from work at the moment. She nominated a friend of hers to take her place. She says she will leave work as soon as she can and go home, but it's just not possible at the moment."

"That's okay," said Lottie sweetly. "I know it's difficult for her to get away from work sometimes. Thanks, Cal. Do you know who's coming?"

"Actually," said Cal, a look of great interest on his face, "it's your mum, Matilda."

Matilda felt herself grow cold. The sandwich packet she was still holding slipped from her fingers.

Cal's smile faded. "Matilda, are you okay?" He reached for her hands. "You're shaking."

Dylan explained the situation briefly. "Matilda and her parents don't have a close relationship. Matilda's mum would be very angry if she knew Matilda wasn't at school."

Cal looked perturbed. "Oh God. I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I did tell her you were here. I really am sorry, Matilda."

Matilda closed her eyes. "It's okay." Her voice shook. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known."

"I wish I hadn't said anything." Cal looked upset. "Is there anything I can do to make it better? Anything I can tell her?"

"I… I don't think anyone can make it better," said Matilda. Tears filled her eyes. "Oh, Cal, I don't know what to do."

"Hey, come here!" said Cal as Matilda began to sob. He held her tightly. "It's okay. It's going to be…" He stopped suddenly. "Matilda, I'm sorry, but I need to ask you something. Are you in physical danger from your parents?"

Matilda spoke through her tears. "No. No, I don't think so." She certainly felt safer when she was in Cal's arms. "I mean, I'm sure I'm not."

She felt Cal relax. He rested his chin against the top of her head and stroked her hair. "That's a relief. But I'll give you my number, just in case anything does happen. You can phone me or text me anytime."

"Really?" said Matilda.

Cal actually sounded slightly emotional. "Anytime, darling. I'll always be here." He didn't let go of Matilda till she'd stopped crying.

"Sorry, Cal," said Matilda.

"No. Don't apologise. It was my fault anyway, but you don't ever have to apologise for having emotions." Cal got out a tissue and wiped away her tears.

It could have felt weird, but it didn't. It felt right and so comforting. Cal would probably do that for any patient who cried, but Matilda still felt cared-about.

"There." Cal handed Matilda the tissue and Matilda wiped her nose. Cal smiled and gave her another hug.

Matilda closed her eyes. _Oh, I wish my dad was more like you…_

"Have you got your phone?" said Cal, once he'd almost reluctantly let go. Matilda handed it to him and Cal put his number in. "Are you sure there's nothing else I can do? If you'd like me to speak to your mum; explain what a good friend you are; what a difference it's made to Lottie and Ariana to have you there…"

Matilda gazed at him as her eyes filled again. "Thank you, Cal. But I'll be fine." She wouldn't be fine, but she couldn't bother him with this. It was all her fault for being stupid. "I'll go and see her now."


	13. Chapter 13

**Gillian Kearney** **Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it!

 **X-Sammii-X,** I'm glad you liked Matilda thinking Cal would be a good dad - and she's not wrong! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato** **Potato** , Matilda will tell Cal what's going on, but she probably hasn't told anyone the full story before.

 _I hope everyone else is still enjoying it. Sorry if it's slow. The Lily section is contrived, but I'm out of ideas._

* * *

Cal hugged Matilda goodbye. "I hope you'll be okay. I really am sorry."

"It's not your fault," said Matilda. She was smiling, but he could feel her trembling. Her mother had been lovely to Matilda in front of the hospital staff, but Cal knew that couldn't be her usual behaviour. He could tell Matilda was genuinely frightened and he didn't think she or Dylan would lie.

"It is my fault," said Cal. "But you've got your number if you need me. Take care, darling." He kissed her on the cheek and let her go.

Matilda gave a sad smile and walked to the hospital entrance where her mother and her friends were waiting. Cal watched them until they were out of sight, then turned to find Ethan close behind him.

Ethan was looking very concerned. "Cal, you really shouldn't be hugging and kissing the patients. Particularly not fifteen-year-olds."

"It's not like _that_!" said Cal, horrified.

"Of course it isn't," said Ethan. "But anyone watching wouldn't know that."

Cal glared at him. "They'd probably think we're related."

"But you're not," said Ethan. He looked a bit sad now. "Even if she is the Matilda we looked after, you're not related to her."

"Oh, Ethan," said Cal in a trembling voice, "Why did we give her away?"

"Because it seemed like the best option at the time," said Ethan gently.

Cal's eyes filled with tears. "Ethan, I think… I think she's being…"

"Come with me," said Ethan.

He led Cal to the staff room and they sat on the sofa together. Ethan sat quietly, a very worried look on his face, as Cal wiped his eyes and tried to find the words. "I think she's being abused, Ethan."

He saw a flicker of emotion in Ethan's eyes. "Why do you think that, Cal?" he asked evenly

"Because she's scared!" said Cal. "She's terrified. I told her her mum knew she was here and she cried."

"A lot of children would be scared if their parents found out they were truanting," said Ethan. "It doesn't mean anything, Cal." He laid his hand on Cal's arm. "I really think you're reading too much into it – and that's understandable. But you do need to let this go. If Matilda comes back to the hospital for any reason, it's best if you don't speak to her."

"I can't not speak to her!" said Cal. "She needs me."

"She doesn't need you, Caleb," said Ethan seriously. "She needs her family and friends – and you're neither."

"I'm her father!" said Cal.

"No, you're not," said Ethan. "Look, I don't want to threaten you, but if you keep on involving yourself in Matilda's life, it really will be my job to report it to Lily. I don't want to: you're my brother and I don't want to be disloyal. And I know Lily would hate having to discipline you, so I don't want her to put her in that position. But it's getting to the stage where I'm concerned about your mental state."

"There's nothing wrong with my mental state!" said Cal. "My daughter might be being abused!"

Ethan ran his hands through his hair. "Caleb, she's not your daughter and you have no real evidence to suggest she's being abused." He looked imploringly at Cal. "Please let this go before I have to tell Lily."

* * *

Noel had only just sat back down at his desk when Louise appeared. He was almost sure she'd been waiting for him. He watched in aroused terror as Louise hooked her bosom over the top of the desk and gave him a stern look.

Louise would be the perfect dominatrix. It was a pity Noel was much too terrified of her to suggest it.

"What happened?" said Louise.

Noel considered pretending he didn't know what she was talking about, but it would only delay the inevitable. "I saw Honey. I let her into the house and made sure there were fresh sheets on the spare bed."

"And?" said Louise.

"And," said Noel, "we had a little bit of a chat."

Louise lifted an eyebrow and waited.

Noel didn't make her wait long. It was never a good idea to make Louise wait. "Well, you see, Honey has just left her husband," he said. "So she is, at this moment in time, technically homeless. And, as her father, I thought it was only right to, you know, tell my daughter she can stay with us for a while."

"How long a while?" said Louise.

Noel moved uncomfortably in his chair. "Well, we didn't actually specify any sort of timeframe…"

Louise's breasts were rising and falling as she breathed. She was either turned-on or angry, but conversations about Honey only ever produced the second emotion.

"…but I might have, kind of, say she could stay as long as she liked?" Noel finished weakly.

"Oh, so it's _your_ decision, is it?" said Louise. "You're the man so you make the decisions? Is that it?"

The waiting room fell silent. They waited, agog.

"Fine!" said Noel. "If you want to go home and tell my little girl she'll have to stay in some grotty hotel…"

"Oh, I wouldn't do that," said Louise. "I'm only a poor little woman. How could I make a decision like that? How could I make a decision at all?" She slammed her hands down on the desk. "So, you make the decision, Noel! Either you make it very clear to Honey that her moving in is only a very temporary arrangement, or you can let me tell her. I'll leave it up to you."

* * *

Lily smiled at Caleb and kissed his forehead. "Well done, Caleb! That's very good." She looked at the clock and almost cried with relief. Finally, it was time to stop. "You've done so well today, Caleb. Leave your books where they are, then you can show Daddy and Uncle Cal when they get home."

She turned and smiled again as she left the room, but as soon as she was out of his sight, she leaned her head against the wall, her eyes closed. She'd had a headache all day, but the last fifteen minutes or so had been almost unbearable. Her head seemed to be pulsating and all she wanted was to lie down in a darkened room with a wet cloth on her forehead and Ethan stroking her hair.

But in the absence of Ethan, there would be no hair-stroking. No-one to help her up the stairs. No-one to bring her some tablets and a glass of water.

The stairs had never seemed so steep, but finally, Lily made it to the top. She went to the bathroom and entered the correct code to unlock the cabinet. She grabbed the packet of paracetamol in relief, but nearly groaned aloud on discovering it was empty. She searched through the cabinet as quickly as she could, hoping Cal might have put the tablets back in the wrong place, but there were no paracetamol to be found. No painkillers of any description.

Lily allowed herself a small whimper of pain and frustration. She and Ethan were usually so good about checking that, but Cal (it could only have been Cal) must have taken the last few tablets and absent-mindedly returned the empty packet to the cabinet. Infuriated with her brother-in-law, Lily slammed the door shut and hissed in pain as the sound echoed around her aching head.

Going to the shop obviously wasn't an option. She couldn't leave Caleb alone in the house. He would be frightened. She could phone Ethan and ask him to get some for her, but Lily had been so annoyed with Ella when she'd left work in order to take her latest boyfriend some throat lozenges last month, she felt a bit hypocritical asking Ethan to bring something for her now.

Lily closed her eyes in despair. All she could do was lie down and hope she felt better. She went into the bedroom and started to lower herself carefully onto the bed, but then she stopped. An idea had squeezed itself out between the pulsations of pain in Lily's head. Ethan had had a bad cold a few weeks ago and he'd kept some paracetamol in a drawer beside his bed. Lily knew there wasn't much chance it would still be there – Ethan was much too tidy – but it was worth a look.

She knelt down very slowly and carefully and pulled open the top drawer. As she'd expected, there was no box of tablets, just a neat pile of paper and a folder.

Lily picked up the folder and opened it. It was unlabelled, so perhaps Ethan kept tablets in there. It was unlikely, but just about possible.

But when she saw the top piece of paper, her headache no longer seemed important.

It was a letter. A copy of the letter Lily had got offering her the job as clinical lead.

Ethan was so proud of her, he'd got himself a copy?

Lily felt warm inside. It was lovely to know he was so proud of her, he'd wanted his own copy of the letter. Even though he'd applied for the job too!

Lily picked up the letter and began to read.

 _Dear Dr Hardy,_

 _Thank you for applying for the post of clinical lead and attending your recent interview…_

Lily skipped to the next paragraph.

 _…_ _we are delighted to offer you the post of clinical lead of our Emergency Department._

Lily smiled. Her headache was still pounding away in the background, but she was the clinical lead and Ethan was proud of her. He had said he was proud, of course, but he was always saying that. This letter proved it.

Lily's eyes strayed back to the top of the letter.

Her smile disappeared.


	14. Chapter 14

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure Ethan won't report Cal if he can possibly avoid it - reporting your brother to your wife must be pretty awkward! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're finding the story interesting. This chapter might answer some of your questions!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you so much! I'm sure Ethan will believe Cal in the end - but I don't think we're very near the end yet! I don't think very much scares Louise. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm really happy you think Cal's lovely. I think Ethan had a lucky escape with Honey! Though he could now be in a bit of trouble with Lily. Btw, I'm really sorry about the lack of Lofty - I have no idea how that happened! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , you don't need to imagine anymore - this chapter should tell you exactly what happens next! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , you'll find out what Ethan's done in this chapter! You could be right about Cal - he's not good at holding back if he thinks something is wrong. It is difficult for Noel, especially now they're all living under one roof! Thank you for your review.

* * *

"So, what's up, bro?" said Luke, a relaxed smile on his face.

Dylan didn't know why it was so difficult. He was used to breaking bad news. Of course, Luke was family, but he didn't actually know him that well.

"Is everything okay?" said Luke, his smile fading. "Listen. Dylan. If you think I'm outstaying my welcome or something, just tell me. I could always go and stay with Charlie Bateman: his parents are really cool. Um, not as cool as you, but… you know…"

"It's not about that," said Dylan. For some reason, it was even harder now Luke had told him he was was quite tempted to think of something trivial Luke had done and pretend it was that, but then he remembered what the other Dylan had said to him.

 _As soon as possible and as honestly as possible._

It wasn't as though the problem was going to go away.

"It's your mother," said Dylan. "She called me. She's in hospital. Our father was angry with her when you left so he threw her down the stairs. She's still quite unwell and she can't leave hospital yet, but she's not going back to… to _him_. You can stay here as long as you like, of course."

There. Quick and honest.

But, he very quickly realised, completely wrong.

* * *

Iain and Rita were enjoying a drink and a flirt when the shouting started. They sat, frozen in their chairs, as Alfie raged at someone on the other end of the phone.

"No, for the last time, IT WAS NOT ME! I didn't tell anyone. Well, okay, I did tell Luke and Charlie, but I swear that was all."

Iain and Rita looked at each other. Iain could see the same questions running through his wife's mind as were going through his own. _Who is he talking to?_ but most importantly: _do we intervene?_

It was a question they often asked themselves and often a question to which they didn't know the answer.

"No, they didn't say anything either!" shouted Alfie. "For God's sake, Ariana, why can't you believe me?"

* * *

Alicia glanced hopefully at Sam, but he didn't even seem to have heard the door. She put her pile of paperwork on the floor, threw a cushion at her husband, and went to see who their visitor was.

It was most likely a friend of Charlie's, but there was no chance of him answering the door. He was far too busy with his FIFA 2030 tournament (or his 'homework', as he sometimes liked to call it).

Alicia opened the door, already half-prepared to shout upstairs to Charlie that Alfie or Luke was here (Luke had only been here a few weeks, but Charlie and Alfie had really made him welcome), but it wasn't one of Charlie's friends. It was one of hers.

"Lily, what is it?" she said, staring in shock at her best friend. Lily's cheeks were tearstained and she was holding a hand to her head as though she was in pain.

Lily began to cry again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to turn up like this."

"No, it's okay!" said Alicia. "Come upstairs, babe, and we'll chat." She looked at Lily again. "Have you got a headache?"

Lily nodded. "We've run out of painkillers," she sobbed.

"Don't worry. We've got plenty," said Alicia. She gave Lily a hug. "Go on upstairs. Help yourself to tissues and soft toys. I'll just go and tell Sam to keep out of the bedroom, then I'll get you some painkillers and I'll be right up."

Instinct, experience and a long friendship with Lily told her that Lily wasn't crying over a lack of painkillers.

Alicia stuck her head into the living room. "Sam, keep out of the bedroom. Lily's here. We're having girl talk. Periods could be mentioned."

Sam laughed. "Don't worry. I'll keep out of your way."

Alicia blew him a kiss and went to find some codeine, a glass of water and a couple of chocolate biscuits. She dissolved the tablet in the water and took it up to Lily, who was dabbing her eyes with a pink tissue and hugging a pink teddy bear. "Here you are, sweetie." She gave Lily one of the biscuits. "Get that down you, then you can have your tablet and tell me what's wrong."

Lily took a bite out of the biscuit. "I was going through Ethan's things and I found a letter."

Alicia gasped, then she shook her head very firmly. "Lily, no way is Ethan seeing another woman! There will be an innocent explanation for that letter. I promise, babe."

"No, I don't mean that." Lily wiped her eyes. "Ethan was offered the post of clinical lead before I was."

Alicia felt her eyes sparkling. "You mean he gave it up because he knew you wanted it? How romantic is that?"

"Too romantic!" said Lily. She finished her biscuit and started to drink her painkiller. "He never should have done that for me. And…. And…"

"Yes, sweetie?" Alicia tried not to sound too desperate for Lily's reply. "Come on. You can tell me."

"It means they didn't want me!" sobbed Lily. "I was proud of myself when I got this job, Alicia. Especially to have got it ahead of Ethan. I finally felt like I was good enough. But they didn't really want me. I was just their second best!"

* * *

Zoe flinched as she heard Max slamming the door. A moment later, his bag hit the floor. She realised she was hunching down in her chair and wondered what was wrong with her. This was _Max_. He wasn't going to hurt her.

She couldn't even be sure that he knew.

She heard Max's heavy footsteps coming towards her. He stepped into the room and stood framed in the doorway, a shaky finger pointing at Zoe. "So, I'm not good enough, am I?"

"Max-"

"We've got enough money, Zoe!" said Max. "We're earning enough to live on. We can even afford to send Ariana to university, though that's mostly because of you and your _savings_."

He spat the word as though it was something dirty and in that moment, Zoe felt dirty.

Max came closer to her. "But it's not good enough for you, is it?"

"Max, of course it's good enough for me, but-"

"All you can think about is your stupid £400 shoes!"

Zoe held up her hands. "Max, please keep your voice down. Ariana's upstairs. We don't want to frighten her."

Max dropped into an armchair and looked sadly at Zoe. "You can't even deny it, can you? You should have just divorced me when you had the chance."

* * *

Matilda fell, sobbing, onto her bed. She didn't know why she wasn't more used to it after all this time. She knew what they were like. She knew they hated her.

But it still hurt.

 _I know you didn't go to the hospital because you were worried about Charlotte. You don't care about anyone but yourself. You just wanted to get out of school._

 _Charlotte and Dilys are nice girls. They'd have to be to put up with you. But you shouldn't take advantage of them. They don't actually like you._

 _I was ashamed of you today. All Charlotte wanted was to go home, but all you cared about was flirting with that doctor! The poor man. He must have been so embarrassed. As if a handsome, intelligent doctor would be interested in you!_

 _We've done so much for you, Mattie. We've given you a home; fed you; clothed you, and what do we get in return? Nothing! But what else could we expect when not even your own mother wanted you?_

 _We could send you back, you know, Mattie. We could put you back in care. Nobody would blame us. But we're not going to do that because we're_ nice _people. It's our duty to look after you and we're going to do our duty._

 _Just go to your room, Matilda. GO TO YOUR ROOM! I don't want to see your ugly face. And yes, you do have an ugly face. That's because you have an ugly mind._

It seemed an age before Matilda's tears stopped. She lay there for a moment, sniffling, then she went to the bathroom and got some hard, crackly toilet paper to blow her nose on. Her parents only let her have tissues when she had a cold, and then only grudgingly. She couldn't buy them for herself as they didn't give her any money. All she had were the tissues Cal had given her and she didn't want to use those any more than she had already. They had come from Cal and that made them special.

She remembered how worried he'd looked today and how kind he'd been. She remembered how safe she'd felt when he'd held her in his arms. She remembered the moment when she'd so nearly told him everything, only to change her mind because she was so afraid he wouldn't like her anymore.

He'd even kissed her. Matilda couldn't remember if she'd ever been kissed. She'd believed she never would be.

Cal…

She found his number in her phone and looked at it. She was too scared to text him, but his name did give her some comfort and she went over to her laptop and typed it into google.

Cal had a profile on the Holby City Hospital website. She read it eagerly, discovering that he had been at the hospital for nearly seventeen years, along with his brother, Dr Ethan Hardy. Matilda wondered if they were half-brothers or if Ethan had taken his wife's surname. Another day, she might look at their profiles, but for now, she just wanted Cal.

The next item was a facebook profile. Matilda saw an equally handsome but younger Cal, beaming in a slightly drunken-looking way with his arm around Ethan.

Beneath his profile was a sentence.

A sentence she read, and read again.

 _I will always love you, Matilda._


	15. Chapter 15

**Bonnie Sveen Fan/Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review - don't worry: I know you're the same person. I'm glad Matilda's parents are convincingly horrible. Zoe and Max are very different, which mostly works but not in this case!

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm so happy you liked the ending to the chapter. Matilda needs someone to look after her and we already know Cal is brilliant at that.

 **Tanith Panic** , I had an idea for bringing Lofty into the story - I hope you like it. I'm glad you loathe Matilda's parents - I decided they had to be horrible for her to need Cal so badly. Yes, Max and Lily are both being quite silly! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , yes, Alfie and Ariana are having an argument. One set of parents is set to interfere, but the other hasn't noticed. Matilda does feel connected to Cal - and perhaps she now has proof it's mutual. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Lofty knew he was for it. He'd known as soon as he'd heard Robyn's feet on the stairs, but the appearance of his wife confirmed it. Her ample bosom was heaving distractingly and she looked ready to scream with rage.

"What's wrong with you?" demanded Robyn furiously.

Lofty could think of quite a few things, but he knew an answer to the question wasn't what was required. "Robyn, what's wrong?" he asked quietly as he went over to her.

"What's wrong?" Robyn threw his words back at him. "You mean apart from the fact my husband is a complete lazy lump who never lifts a finger to help?"

"Robyn, you know I'm always happy to help," said Lofty mildly.

Actually, he helped out a lot with the children and had just changed Sienna and Noah's nappies; drunk that disgusting fizzy orange stuff at one of Ava's 'tea parties'; and talked Archie and Riley out of weeing in one of Robyn's potted plants. In that amount of time, Robyn had enjoyed a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit. Lofty was actually quite happy about that – Robyn was expecting their sixth child and he was always encouraging her to rest more – but he didn't think it was quite fair to say he'd been idle.

"Then why are you standing here doing nothing while our kids are killing each other?" said Robyn.

"I remembered the washing would be finished about now so I came down to-" Lofty stopped as the sound of his phone filled the air.

"You'd better answer that," said Robyn. "I don't want our domestic troubles interfering in your precious social life!"

Lofty knew Robyn was hormonal so he didn't let her words get to him. He out his phone with the intention of apologising and offering to call back, but then he saw who it was. "I'm sorry, but I'd better take this. It's Dylan." He and Dylan were good friends now, but Dylan never phoned just to chat.

"Maybe you should have married Dylan!" said Robyn crossly as she stomped out of the kitchen.

"Ben, is that you?" Dylan had gone through a stage of calling him Lofty, but he'd stopped when Lofty had confessed he wished everyone would use his real name.

"Yeah, it's me," said Lofty. "Are you okay?"

"I… no," said Dylan abruptly. "It's Luke."

Lofty wasn't entirely surprised. Dylan didn't find sharing his boat with a teenage boy easy. "What's up?"

"I tried to break some bad news to him and I don't think I did a very good job of it," said Dylan unhappily. "He threw a chair at me and ran out of the boat. That's just not like him, Ben."

* * *

Zoe stared at Max in amazement. "Max, why on earth would I want to divorce you?"

"You obviously want to get away from home!" said Max. "You weren't here when I came home at lunchtime."

"What, I can't even go to the shops now?" said Zoe.

Max glared at her. "You couldn't have waited until I wasn't likely to come home for lunch?"

Zoe wanted to shout back that he only came home for lunch once in a blue moon, but she knew that wouldn't help. She was fairly sure that her trip to the shops wasn't the real problem. "Max, I know what this is about. You saw that list I made of possible jobs, didn't you?"

"Oh! So you admit it!" said Max.

"Well, it's not something I want to hide from you," said Zoe.

Max threw himself into a chair. "Do you really think that makes it any better?"

Again, Zoe felt the urge to scream at him. Again, she controlled herself. "Max, the reason why I'm thinking about applying for work is because-"

"Because you can't bear to be a kept woman!" said Max. "Because you always have to be the top earner."

Zoe shook her head. "No, Max: the only person who's ever had a problem with how much I'm earning is you. But I do get quite lonely during the day and Ariana-"

She stopped as she heard the distinctive sound of Ariana's high heels on the stairs. A moment later, Ariana tentatively pushed open the door. Her eyes were red. "Is it okay if I go out and meet Dylan?"

"It's too dark," said Max shortly. "And what about your homework?"

"Dylan's got a taxi," said Ariana. "We were going to to pick up Matilda and head over to Lottie's and do our homework together."

Zoe spoke quickly. "Of course you can go, sweetheart." If Zoe and Max were going to argue, it would be much better if Ariana wasn't there to be upset by it. "Try to be back for ten if you can."

"So, I don't get any say in my own daughter's life?" said Max.

Zoe crossed the room and took Ariana's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "On second thoughts, let me just check with your dad. Max, what do you think? Is it okay for Ariana to go and do her homework at Lottie's house?"

"I suppose so," said Max sulkily.

It was only when Max sulked that Zoe noticed the age gap.

* * *

Alfie sat sullenly in an armchair, refusing to look at either of his parents.

"We just thought something might be wrong," said Iain.

"And if there is something wrong," said Rita, "we want you to know you can tell us."

"Yeah, I know," muttered Alfie.

Rita moved her chair a bit closer to Alfie's. "Alfie, we weren't eavesdropping, but we did happen to hear you on the phone to Ariana. You didn't sound very happy."

"I bet you wouldn't like it if your ex phoned you up!" said Alfie.

"No, I wouldn't," said Rita. "I would be upset he'd got in contact and I'd want to talk to my family about it."

Iain nodded. "So would I. We're not going to judge you or anything, Alfie. We told you before: you're not responsible for anything Ariana does."

Alfie sighed. "Will you just get off my case?"

Rita hesitated. The truth was she didn't want to get off Alfie's case. All she wanted was to find out what was wrong and sort it out.

It had been so much easier when Alfie was small and had wanted Rita to solve all his problems, but he was a fifteen-year-old boy now. He might never want Rita to solve his problems again.

Iain gave her a sympathetic that said he knew exactly what she was thinking.

" _Okay_!" said Alfie. "Lottie hurt herself playing hockey and went to hospital with Dylan. Ariana and Matilda decided to go to see her in hospital instead of staying at school. I saw them go. Now Ariana's got this idea I grassed on them. But I didn't! I wouldn't do that. Can I go now?"

"I know you wouldn't do that," said Rita firmly. "I'm sure Ariana knows that really. If it does continue to be a problem, I can have a word with Zoe, but I'm sure everything will be fine." She hoped she wouldn't need to have a word with Zoe. Things had been awkward between them for years now and after Zoe's sudden early retirement, they'd drifted even further apart. But she'd have done it for Alfie.

* * *

Matilda closed the door behind her as quietly as she could, then she ran down the drive and jumped into the taxi. She knew she would be in trouble later, but she just wanted to be with her friends.

Dylan told the driver to drive on, then she gave Matilda a hug. "How are you?"

"I don't know," said Matilda. "I'm... confused. Maybe I'm happy. But I don't know." She looked nervously at the taxi meter. "I haven't got any money."

"That's okay," said Dylan. "We've got more than enough. Do you want to tell us what happened now or shall we wait till we get to Lottie's?"

"Let's wait," said Matilda, who was dying to tell them about Cal's facebook, but she didn't want Lottie to feel left out. She looked at Ariana. "Are you okay, Ari?"

"No," said Ariana with a sniff, "but I'll tell you when we get to Lottie's."

Matilda nodded. She leaned against Dylan, who had an arm around each of her friends. "I'm so glad I've got you two and Lottie."

"And Cal," Ariana reminded her. "You've got Cal too."

"Yes, but I don't think I'd ever dare-"

Matilda and Ariana both screamed as the taxi driver slammed on the breaks.

* * *

Ethan was on his way to the waiting room when Jack called to him. "Ethan, have you got a minute, gorgeous?"

Ethan hurried over. "Is everything okay, Jack?"

"Daisy's on the phone," said Jack. "And she sounds seriously hopping mad. Just like my hubby when I leave my clothes all over our bedroom. But honestly. How am I supposed to choose what to wear if I can't see all my clothes? And if I'm running late-"

Ethan quickly thanked him and took the phone. "Hey, Daisy. It's Dad. Are you okay?"

"We're all fine, but we're not sure about Mum," said Daisy meaningfully. "I just brought Alice home from school and Caleb was here _on his own_."

The appalled note in her voice might have made Ethan smile if he hadn't been feeling so worried. "You mean Mum isn't there?"

"No, she isn't," said Daisy, her voice heavy with disapproval. "Caleb said he heard her go out of the back door just after I unlocked the front door, so he was never completely alone, but it's not what you expect from Mum, is it?" It was clear from Daisy's voice that no self-respecting mother should behave like that.

"Do you need me to come home?" said Ethan, before realising he'd have to leave Cal in charge, which was always a risk, especially considering his current obsession with Matilda. "Or how about I send Uncle Cal?"

He could almost hear Daisy rolling her eyes. "Dad, how old do you think I am? I'm _ten_. I can look after Caleb and Alice. I just thought you'd want to know."


	16. Chapter 16

**Tanith Panic** , I can't imagine Lofty being anything other than a brilliant dad! He's kind and caring and he's not going to go mad if anything gets dropped and broken. Max is a bit of an idiot in this. Maybe he'll get over it... thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think both Ethan's daughters take after Lily rather than him! I'm sorry there's no Zoe and Max in this chapter, but they are in the next one. Thank you for your review - I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like Ethan as a parent - he's always so kind to children in the hospital and he's had experience of looking after Cal, so I knew he'd be a good dad.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I hope I haven't made you go off Max. Maybe the reason he notices the age gap is because he hasn't grown up yet! You'll get a break from him in this chapter.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry I didn't have time to update yesterday, but here you are! It might be a car crash...

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. The taxi has been involved in an accident - I hope you like what I've done with it.

* * *

Matilda was shaking as she dialled 999 and asked for an ambulance. "Th-there's been a car accident," she stammered. "No. Not really a car accident. Someone just stepped out in front of our taxi."

"It's all right. Try to keep calm. Can you tell me your name?"

"Matilda. And there are, um, five people involved," said Matilda. "The main victim is a boy in his teens. He's.. he's not speaking but he's responsive to pain on the APVU scale… no, I mean the AVPU scale… I think that's right. He has a, um, a laceration to his forehead, that's what Dylan says, but we haven't actually turned him over in case he's hurt his back. Dylan… she's my friend, she's a junior first aider… she suspects a fractured, um, shoulder thingy. Clavicle. He's breathing and his pulse rate is fast but strong."

"Thank you, Matilda. What about the other casualties?"

"We were all in the taxi," said Matilda. "Three girls in their teens. We had our seatbelts on and we're just bruised as far as we can make out. My neck hurts a bit so I might have whiplash, but no-one's holding it because Dylan and Ariana are helping the injured boy. They might have neck injuries too, but they haven't noticed it. The driver is male, probably in his twenties." She actually thought thirties but didn't want to offend him. She knew he'd only recently become a taxi driver. "He's quite shocked and Dylan says he might have whiplash too, so I'm going to hold his neck when I get off the phone. I hope that's all okay."

Once she'd finished the phone call, she sat forward in her seat and supported the driver's neck. "Are they coming?" he asked.

"Yes, they're coming, Kieran," said Matilda. "I don't know how long they'll be, but I've called them once today already and they were really quick." She tried not to look through the window at what Dylan and Ariana were doing. Matilda wished she could be a first aider like them – and like Cal, though of course he was a bit more than just a first aider – but she knew she'd never be able to manage it. It would upset her too much and she really wasn't overly keen on blood.

"Oh God," said Kieran, and pushed the door open, throwing himself out of it.

"No, please come back - you're not supposed to move!" said Matilda, but she understood why when he started being sick by the side of the road. Matilda gulped and opened the door. She wasn't overly keen on any kind of bodily fluid, but Dylan had asked her to stay with Kieran and she would.

Matilda was relieved when Ariana reached Kieran's side before she did, but then she was annoyed with herself. She shouldn't be relieved. She should get out of the car and help. That was what Cal would do.

But she didn't.

* * *

Lily had switched her phone off after rejecting Ethan's first three calls, but she wasn't surprised when he phoned Alicia. Alicia offered to reject the call, but Lily didn't want Ethan to be annoyed with Alicia too. None of this was Alicia's fault.

"Ethan, Lily didn't leave Caleb alone in the house," Alicia was saying. "She didn't leave till she heard Daisy unlocking the door... know Daisy's only ten, but she's very grown-up and responsible and you know Alice wouldn't get frightened: she'd just see it as an adventure! I'm sure they'll be fine till you and Cal finish… I'm sorry, but Lily is feeling very unwell and she's not up to speaking… okay, I'll ask her. Lily, Ethan really is worried about you. Are you sure you couldn't speak to him for just a couple of seconds?"

Lily didn't see how she could refuse. She held her hand out for the phone. "Hi, Ethan."

"Lily, what's wrong with you?" said Ethan.

"I have a headache, as Alicia told you," said Lily, deliberately taking him literally.

"You know I don't mean that," said Ethan.

Lily closed her tear-filled eyes. "Ethan, I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are, Lily, but why?" Ethan sounded upset. "Why would you leave the children? I know they'll probably be fine, but 'probably' isn't good enough, is it? If you really needed medical attention from Alicia, why couldn't she have come to you? Besides, even if Daisy and Alice are fine, what about Caleb? You know how nervous Caleb gets when he hasn't got you, me or Cal with him. How could you just leave him? And without even saying anything?" Ethan sighed. "I don't understand, Lily. I really don't."

* * *

Noel sat beside Honey, smiled at her, and reached for her hand. "Honey."

Honey regarded him suspiciously. "What?"

"I… there's nothing wrong, Honey. Don't worry. I just wanted to clarify something I didn't clarify before. Is that okay?"

"What?" said Honey again, a note of uncertainty creeping into her voice.

"Well, it's just… when I said you could stay for as long as you like…" Noel started to find the floor very interesting. "Now, obviously, you're my daughter and if you really have nowhere else to stay, then of course we won't throw you out. And I wouldn't want to throw you out. But…" He looked up, his expression helpless.

Honey knew exactly what had happened. "It's _her_ , isn't it? The wicked stepmother, who can't accept she's not the only woman in your life."

Noel's voice rose. "Honey, I understand you're upset, but Louise is my wife and I can't have you talking about her in that kind of way in our home."

Honey began to cry. She didn't have to fake it. It really hurt when her dad was angry with her. "I'm just so scared I'm going to lose you!"

"Hey, you're not going to lose me!" said Noel. He put his arms around her and rocked her as though she were thirty – no, _twenty_ – years younger. "Listen, love. If it was up to me you could stay with us forever."

"So it is her!" said Honey, triumphant through her tears. "You can't let her walk all over you, Dad. It's your house too. If you want me to live with you forever, you should tell her."

* * *

Cal stared at Ethan in annoyance. "Why me? Why can't you go? They're your kids."

"Lily left me in charge," said Ethan.

"Well, _you_ can leave _me_ in charge!" said Cal. "Ethan, I might be considered to be not quite as senior as you – I might not have been _asked_ to apply for clinical lead, though even though you were asked, you didn't get it, did you? – and it might have taken me five attempts to pass my FCEM, but I'm still a consultant. I'm as capable of leading the department for a few hours as you are."

Ethan actually had the gall to look doubtful. "Yes, I'm sure you are, Caleb. But if I leave, I'll have to call everyone together and announce it so they all know who's in charge and that's going to take time and cause a lot of bother. If you go, it won't cause nearly as much disruption."

Cal knew he was right, but if anything, this made him even more annoyed. "This is about Matilda, isn't it? Just because I've found my daughter, you think I'm not fit for anything!"

"I didn't say that," said Ethan.

"But you're not denying you were thinking it, are you?"

Ethan sighed. "Dr Knight. I am acting clinical lead this afternoon and I am asking you to go home and look after your nieces and nephew. Please."

"Fine!" said Cal. It wasn't as though he wanted to be here. He was too worried about Matilda to concentrate properly and he'd already got himself into a couple of awkward situations. If he stayed, someone would only end up reporting him to Ethan. "I'm going!"

* * *

Dylan looked miserably up at Lofty. "So that's what happened. And now I don't know where he is. He's not answering his mobile. None of his friends have seen him."

"Has he got a girlfriend?" said Lofty.

"If he has, he hasn't told me," said Dylan. A spasm of pain crossed his face. "And up until today, I think he would have told me."

Lofty reached out and touched Dylan's arm. "Dylan, I know you must be worried, but this is something teenagers do sometimes. They get in a mood and they don't speak to you for hours, but more often than not, when they come home, everything's fine. Luke's had a terrible shock and it can take a bit of time to get over something like that. So give him time. He'll still be upset when he comes home, but that doesn't mean he'll be upset with you. Just play it by ear, let him decide what he needs and be ready to listen if he wants to talk."

Dylan looked unsure, but he wasn't arguing. He sat silently and Lofty decided this was probably one of the times when a hug would be welcome. He put his arms around Dylan and held him tightly.

He knew he'd done the right thing when Dylan hugged him back.

They didn't move till Dylan's phone started to ring. He let go of Lofty and picked it up from the table. Lofty saw the hope in his face but it faded as soon as he saw who was calling him.

"It's Ethan," said Dylan, disappointed. "He probably wants me to go in and work… but I can't. Not now."

"Don't worry. Ethan will understand," said Lofty. He sat quietly as Dylan went to get his phone.

"Ethan. Do you need me to come in?... No but yes? What's that supposed to mean?..." Dylan sighed. "Just get to the point, then get off the phone. My brother might be trying to call me… what? You're calling about…"

Lofty saw the colour drain from Dylan's face. He quickly helped him into a chair. Dylan hardly seemed to notice.

"Taxi?" whispered Dylan. He looked at Lofty.

Lofty squeezed Dylan's shoulder.

"Yes, of course. Yes, I'll come at once." Dylan's voice was faint. "Thank you, Ethan." He ended the call and just sat there for a moment, staring ahead of him. "He walked in front of a taxi."

Lofty gave him another hug. "Come on. I'll take you to the hospital."


	17. Chapter 17

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed it. Cal is definitely the bossy one usually, but Ethan has a bit more experience of being in charge now.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , I've gone off Max a bit too. He was never a favourite, but I did feel sorry for him when Zoe cheated on him. Thank you for your review!

 **Tanith Panic** , Ethan was originally harsher with Lily, but I was worried he was too harsh for Ethan so I changed it. Honey is pretty self-centred... she has not improved with age! Thank you for your review.

 **cookieiceream** , thank you for your review - it's so lovely that you're enjoying it so much! I'm afraid there won't be more Cal and Matilda scenes just yet. but they'll spend more time together as the story progresses. Cal was meant to be in this chapter, but that would have made it too long.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm so relieved Matilda comes across as being brave - I was a bit worried she seemed a bit too weak. I love Lofty and Dylan's friendship so I had to have Lofty supporting Dylan. Thank you for your review - and I love your rambles!

* * *

Matilda tried to hold back her tears as Dr Ashford finished securing the collar around her neck. Ella had been very kind, and although she did tend to give a general impression of not knowing what she was doing, she'd turned out to be perfectly competent.

"Off you go then!" she told Matilda cheerfully. "I bet your mates are done already. Everybody else is miles faster than me." She gave Matilda a quick hug. "Don't cry, babes! You've been well brave."

"Dr Ashford, is…" Matilda stopped, her nerve failing her.

"I told you: it's Ella," said Ella. "And you can ask me anything you like. I might not know the answer, but I can probably find out."

"I was wondering if Dr Knight was here," said Matilda in a rush.

Ella's eyes sparkled. "Yeah, he's well fit for an older guy, isn't he? No, he's not here. He was supposed to be working, but Ethan – Dr Hardy - sent him home. Not sure why. Maybe he's ill. He has been a bit scatty." She drew back the curtain and shouted to a guy with curly hair who was passing. "Hey, Lofty!"

The guy turned, a distracted expression on his face. "Hey, Ella."

"I thought you was off sick!" said Ella.

Lofty hesitated and lowered his voice. "I was up all night with Archie. He's been fine today, but I needed to sleep! Please don't tell Lily."

Ella pretended to zip her lips. "I won't say a word. Can you take Matilda back to the waiting room and help her find her mates? She's a bit shaky."

"Yeah, sure," said Lofty with a friendly smile. "But I just wanted to find out something first. Do you know anything about a guy called Luke Leyton?"

"No, but Matilda was a passenger in the taxi that he got hit by," said Ella. "So was her mates, Dylan and Ariana."

Lofty's face change slightly as Ella mentioned Dylan's name, then he turned and gave Matilda a friendly smile. "I don't suppose you, Dylan and Ariana could do me a favour?"

"I'll try," said Matilda.

"That's all I'm asking," said Lofty.

Back in the waiting room, Dylan was sitting with one arm around an emotional-looking Ariana whilst speaking on her phone. "No, Lottie, you're _not_ coming to the hospital. You're going to stay at home and you're going to rest. There's nothing exciting here happening anyway. We're just sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Matilda to be discharged."

"Here's Matilda," said Ariana in a tight voice.

Dylan looked up and smiled. "Hey, Tilly. Lottie, I've got to go. Try not to worry. It looks like we've all been discharged now so we'll be home soon." Dylan said goodbye to Lottie and turned to Matilda. "Are you okay? Have you got whiplash?"

"Yes, but it's only mild," said Matilda. She sat on Ariana's other side and hugged her. "It's okay. It's not your fault. You weren't driving or distracting the driver or anything." She'd said this to Ariana already, but she would keep saying it until Ariana believed her. "Dylan, this is Lofty. He's got questions about Luke."

"Hi, Lofty. I remember you," said Dylan. "How can I help?"

* * *

Max dragged the suitcase down the stairs, letting it thump loudly on each step. He knew Zoe didn't like it when he did that, but she obviously didn't care about him so why should he care about her?

He reached the bottom of the stairs, half-surprised she hadn't come out to shout at him for making a noise, and stood there for a moment, wondering if he should announce his departure or just leave. He'd written a note for Ariana, telling her it wasn't her fault and he'd be in touch soon, but he could always leave it in the hall.

But he realised that would be dangerous. It would be better if Zoe was with Ariana when she found out her dad had left. Even if she didn't blame herself, she might end up hurting herself out of sheer unhappiness. If Zoe was with her, she could look after her.

So, he would go into the living room, give the note to Zoe, and then he would leave.

That was the best way.

Seeing Zoe one more time would make it more difficult to leave, but he had to stay strong. Zoe obviously didn't want him. She didn't _need_ him. Max had always told himself he'd been a good dad to Ariana, but he knew Zoe had done most of the work. Zoe had been the one with all the kindness, patience and resilience. Max had had a chat to her every now and then; given her a hug; told her she was beautiful and clever and he was proud of her. But it had been Zoe who'd sat up with her time and again, talking her out of hurting herself and worse; Zoe who'd comforted her, treated her injuries and took her to the ED when necessary.

What had Max done in comparison with that?

It was true that, for the last five years, he'd been the one bringing all the money in and he'd hoped that would finally give him a sense of purpose; of importance. But the truth was, with Zoe's savings, they could have managed without it.

They could have managed without _Max_.

Max let his suitcase fall to the floor with a crash and pushed open the living room door.

* * *

Dylan looked up anxiously as Lofty returned to the relatives' room. "Did anyone tell you anything?"

"I only found Dr Ashford," said Lofty apologetically. "But-"

"Dr Ashford: what use is she?" muttered Dylan. He knew he wasn't being completely fair, but he was scared to death. He'd promised Hazel he'd look after Luke and now this had happened.

But it was more than that. He cared about Luke. Luke was his little brother and Dylan just wanted him to be okay.

"I've found the three girls who were in the taxi," said Lofty. "I think you know them already. Dylan, Ariana and Matilda."

Dylan looked up, wondering if he was dreaming, as the three girls entered the room. He was vaguely aware that Matilda had her arm around Ariana and they both looked close to tears, but the object of his main focus was his namesake. "Dylan…"

The girl came towards him and sat down. "Hello, Dr Keogh. I'm so sorry about Luke. I can't promise I'll be able to answer all your questions, but I'll do everything I can."

Dylan K nodded, strangely reassured. She was clear-headed and would remember everything, but she wouldn't invent anything just to comfort him. She would be honest and he could probably trust any medical judgements she made too. "Can you tell me what happened, please?" he said, almost whispering.

To his surprise, Dylan took his hand in both of hers. To his even greater surprise, he didn't pull away.

"I was talking to my friends so I wasn't paying much attention to the road ahead, but I was in the middle seat. I saw Luke step in front of the taxi and I was about to shout to the driver, but it happened very quickly. The driver saw him too and slammed on the breaks, but he was too close and the taxi hit Luke. Ariana and I assessed him while Matilda stayed with the driver. Luke was breathing but unconscious and bleeding from a cut on his forehead. It looked like his collarbone might be broken, though it was difficult to be sure when he was lying face-down, but the paramedics confirmed this when they arrived. I travelled in the ambulance with Luke. He regained consciousness on the way. He could remember the accident and there were no signs of concussion and the paramedics were able to stop the bleeding before he went into shock."

"Have you seen him?" asked Dylan K.

Dylan shook her head. "I did have a go at following them, but one of the paramedics called a nurse and told her to take me away and examine me."

"Are you all right?" said Dylan K, concern for her momentarily overriding his terror over Luke.

"Oh yes: I'm fine," said Dylan, and smiled at him. "Don't worry about me, Dr Keogh. Just think about Luke. He didn't seem too bad in the ambulance. We spoke a little bit."

Dylan K's hand gripped hers. "Did he… did he say…"

"…if he'd done it on purpose?" Dylan's voice was gentle.

Dylan K nodded.

"He didn't say and I didn't think it was a good time to ask him," said Dylan. "But I saw him step into the road and I don't think it was deliberate. He wasn't looking at the taxi. I would say he looked a bit drunk and I reported that to the paramedics, but he didn't seem drunk at all when I spoke to him. So perhaps he was just dazed or shocked."

"He didn't mean to do it?" said Dylan K.

Dylan's gaze was steady. "My impression, both from seeing it happen and from talking to him, was that it was an accident. But you know I can't be sure about that, Dr Keogh. You'll only know that if you ask Luke."


	18. Chapter 18

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! Zoe is very caring so I thought she'd be a brilliant mum. As for Max, he hasn't gone yet! He and Zoe will be in the chapter after this. I'm glad you like Dylan's friendship with the girls - it's unusual for him but he really needs support!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm happy you enjoyed the last chapter and that you like my introduction of Ella. All the current ED doctors are consultants by now so I needed someone a bit more junior and I like to use existing characters where I can.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you're finding Lofty interesting - his storyline will develop over the next few chapters. In some ways, it might have been more interesting if the Dylans hadn't got on, but it's a new experience for Dylan K to feel such an instant connection. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Please don't cry," begged Robyn as she rocked Sienna in her arms. She knew that in a minute, Noah would wake up and he would start crying too. She'd just tried to feed Sienna; she'd checked her nappy; she'd checked her temperature… she couldn't find anything wrong with her, but she was still screaming.

"Mummy!" called a voice from the door. "Mummy!"

Robyn turned to see Riley. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"I've got a tummy ache."

Keeping the shrieking Sienna balanced on her hip, Robyn walked over to him and bent down to give him a hug. "Poor Riley. Is it bad?"

Riley answered by throwing up all over her and Sienna. He started to howl nearly as loudly as his sister.

"Okay. It looks like it is pretty bad!" said Robyn, reminding herself that this had happened to her almost every day when she'd been working. "You've probably caught that nasty bug Archie had last night. But he was fine by morning and I'm sure you will be too. Come on. Back to bed and Mummy will get you a bowl and some lemonade and give you a cuddle."

They left the room together, just as Noah woke up. Predictably, he began to scream.

Robyn gave a guilty glance back over her shoulder. "Sorry, Noah. Mummy's just got to look after Riley, but she'll be with you soon."

As they passed Ava's room, she heard a shout. "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!"

Robyn opened the door. "I'll just be a minute, Ava. Riley's not very well."

"They're coming!" cried Ava. "The monsters are coming!"

"No, they're not," said Robyn. "It's okay, Ava. It's just a nightmare."

"No, Mummy, they're coming!" sobbed Ava. "I saw them."

"I'll be back in a minute," promised Robyn, and herded Riley towards the bedroom he shared with Archie.

Archie was crying. "Mummy, I pooed in my bed!"

Robyn wanted to scream too now. "It's okay, Archie. I'm sure it was an accident. Why don't you go to the toilet and I'll get you some new sheets."

"Mummy, I feel sick again," moaned Riley.

Ava's shouts became squeals. "Mummy, the monsters! The monsters!"

Noah's yells rose to such a pitch, Robyn thought Lofty must be able to hear him from Dylan's boat.

If only Lofty would hear him. If only he'd hear them and come home.

 _I can't do this_ , thought Robyn as she found a bowl, some lemonade and some clean sheets. She managed to put the sheets on the bed without letting go of Sienna, but she was still a bad mummy because Noah was still crying and she hadn't even gone to him and Ava genuinely believed the monsters were real. _I need Lofty. I need Lofty._

She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and snatched it out, almost crying in relief when she saw Lofty's name. "Lofty!" she half-sobbed as she answered the phone.

"Hey, Robyn," said Lofty. The line wasn't great and Robyn could barely hear him. "I'm really sorry, but I don't think I'll be home for a few more hours. Dylan's little brother was hit by a car. He needs a scan on a head injury and surgery on a broken collarbone. Dylan's pretty upset so I think I should stay with him. That's not a problem, love, is it?"

"No," said Robyn hollowly. "It's not a problem. I mean, Dylan really needs you. It's not like I need you, is it?"

"Thanks, Robyn," said Lofty. "I knew you'd understand. Love you. Bye."

"Bye," whispered Robyn.

As the howls and screams rose around her, she sank to the floor and began to cry.

* * *

Ethan patted Luke's good shoulder reassuringly as he was wheeled away for surgery. "It'll be okay. I'll come and see you when you get back. Try not to worry. Oh, and I'll go and update your brother."

Luke gave Ethan a weak smile. "Thanks, Dr Hardy."

"Please call me Ethan. And it's my pleasure, Luke." Ethan smiled back and waited until the trolley was out of sight.

As he made his way to the relatives' room, his mind returned to Lily. He'd tried to speak to her on a couple more occasions, but without success. None of it made sense and it was the last thing Ethan needed when he was already worrying about Cal. Why had Lily left the children? How could Lily have been unwell enough to need medical attention but well enough to drive to Alicia's?

Why wouldn't she speak to Ethan?

Ethan opened the door of the relatives' room to discover Dylan, Lofty and three girls, including Matilda. Ethan felt a moment's relief that Cal had gone home, then he went over to Dylan. He stared in shock as he realised Dylan was holding hands with one of the girls. He knew Dylan must be upset, but this really wasn't like him.

"How is he?" said Dylan urgently.

"The scan came back clear," said Ethan, recovering himself quickly. "Luke's just gone to have surgery on his clavicle. He seems in fairly good spirits, considering. We're going to keep him in overnight, but as long as all goes well – and we have no reason to suppose it won't – you'll be able to take him home tomorrow."

He saw the look of relief on Lofty's face as he patted Dylan on the back. The girl holding Dylan's hand smiled up at him.

"Considering what?" said Dylan sharply.

"Um… I'm sorry?" said Ethan uncertainly.

"You said Luke was in good spirits _considering_. Considering what?"

"Well… considering he got hit by a car, injured his head and fractured his clavicle," said Ethan, slightly confused.

"So, you don't think he did it on purpose?" said Dylan.

Ethan mentally kicked himself. He should have realised. As far as he was aware, there was no reason to suppose it might not have been an accident, but it was possible the boy did have problems. The fact he'd suddenly come to live with his half-brother at the age of fifteen should have indicated that.

But Ethan had been distracted. He was worried about his own brother, not to mention his wife. "Does Luke have a history of mental health problems?"

"Not as far as I'm aware," said Dylan. "He seems a perfectly happy, well-adjusted teenage boy. A bit more considerate than most, but nothing to be concerned about. But with his family history... and he'd just had a bit of a shock…"

"It is possible I missed something," admitted Ethan, "but there was nothing to indicate this was anything other than an accident. I had a couple of nurses working with me, including Nurse Tyler, and they didn't pick up on anything. I also let Dr Ashford observe my initial assessment and she didn't seem concerned."

Dylan nodded. He looked relieved. "Dylan said - this is Dylan: she was in the taxi – Dylan said the same thing. That it was an accident."

"Well, obviously, this is something you can discuss with Luke," said Ethan, "and now you've mentioned it, I'll be extra-vigilant, but as I said, there was nothing to suggest it wasn't an accident."

* * *

"Why haven't you got any children, Uncle Cal?" said Alice.

It was past her bedtime, but five stories hadn't been enough to send her to sleep. Daisy and Alice agreed that Cal was the best at reading stories. He was much better at the funny voices than Ethan and Lily. Ethan usually started well, but then he got embarrassed, and Lily didn't even try. She said it was much more important to speak clearly.

Cal closed his eyes for a moment and wondered how he was going to answer her question. He remembered Daisy asking the same thing a few years ago and that had been hard, but it was even worse now Matilda had come back into his life again.

"Lots of people don't have children," he said. "Auntie Alicia didn't have any children."

"Yes, she has," said Alice, as though he was stupid. "She's got Charlie."

Cal decided she was too young to understand the difference between children and stepchildren. "Uncle Noel and Auntie Louise don't have children."

"Yes they have!" said Alice. "They've got Mrs Right-Idiot."

"Mrs Wright-Iddington," corrected Cal rather guiltily. He was the one who had thought up Honey's nickname and he'd been stupid enough to say it in Alice's hearing.

" _Why_ haven't you got any children, Uncle Cal?" Alice was not easily put off.

Cal sighed and wished he could tell her the truth. He hated to wash Matilda out of history. He wanted Alice to know she had a cousin: a wonderful cousin who was clever and beautiful and had helped saved lives. "Well, the thing is, Alice, it's the ladies who have the babies. I haven't got a lady so I haven't got a baby."

"But Uncle Jack and Uncle Jamie haven't got a lady and they've got Jeffrey," said Alice, a dreamy look on her face. Jeffrey Diamond-Collier was a friend of Daisy's, and Alice wasn't the only little girl with a crush on him.

"Did you see Jeffrey today?" said Cal, hoping to distract her.

Alice looked at him severely. "Don't try to change the subject Uncle Cal," she said, sounding exactly like her dad.

"Okay… well… I just wasn't lucky enough to have a baby," Cal said at last. "But I've got you, Daisy and Caleb." His throat ached as he prepared to tell the lie. "You're all I need."

* * *

Matilda approached Ethan warily. He was speaking on the phone to his wife and seemed quite upset. Matilda did try not to listen, but she couldn't help but realise that Lily had left their children alone and unsupervised. Ethan, understandably, wanted to know why, but he didn't seem to be getting any straight answers out of Lily.

At last, Ethan finished his phone call and sagged back against the wall, his eyes closed. Matilda thought about going back to the relatives' room – she was still worried about Ariana – but she knew this might be her only chance to speak to Ethan. There was no guarantee she'd ever have to come back to the hospital and she didn't think she could really phone Cal up and ask him.

"Dr Hardy?" said Matilda hesitantly, before she could lose her nerve.

Ethan's eyes snapped open. "Matilda."

His tone wasn't encouraging, but Matilda ploughed on. "I know this is a really weird question, but does Cal have anyone in his life called Matilda?"

"Yes," said Ethan, after a moment's pause. "Our mother was called Matilda."

"Oh," said Matilda, her heart breaking for Cal – and Ethan, of course – at the word _was_. Then she frowned. "But you didn't call her Matilda, did you?"

"She… we were adopted," said Ethan. "I'm sorry. I really must get on."

"I… I was wondering…"

Ethan looked at her and a strange look came over his face. He looked sad, almost yearning. "Matilda…" he said in a soft voice. But then his face changed. "Matilda, you need to go home!"

Matilda drew back as though he'd slapped her.

"Whatever you're wondering, it's none of your business," said Ethan. He was trembling. "Please go home and stop interfering in Cal's life! He's had enough to deal with without you coming along and stirring things up for him. Please just leave him alone?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Poor Robyn does have a lot to deal with and it _would_ happen when Lofty had to go out!

 **Tato Potato** , I'm glad you like Cal as an uncle! But he would be a brilliant father too if he had the chance. Thank you for your review!

 **Guest** , I think you're right about Ethan - everything seems to be going wrong for him at once! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

 **ETWentHome** , Ethan is probably feeling a million different things all at once - I just hope I can convey some of them! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Ethan is very stressed at the moment, so I hope you can forgive him! I'm so glad you're enjoying it.

 **GlitterGirl12** , thank you for your pm - I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope you'll enjoy this one too.

 **Tanith Panic** , I've always thought Robyn would be a good mother, if only she can find the right man! I'm glad you like 'Mrs Right Idiot' - I'm very grateful to whoever gave Honey the surname Wright! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Zoe heard the thump of the suitcase coming down the stairs and knew what it meant. She'd heard it before, after all. It wasn't the first time she and Max had argued. It wasn't the first time he'd tried to leave her. Occasionally, he actually stayed away for the whole night, but so far, he'd always come back to her.

The living room door opened. "Zoe. I just wanted to let you know that I'm-" Max stopped.

Zoe wiped her hands across her face and sniffed. "It's okay. I know. You're leaving."

Max stared at her. There was pain in his eyes as he asked: "What's wrong?"

"What do you think's wrong?" Zoe's voice was sharp.

She expected Max to shout back, but he didn't. His eyes didn't leave her face. "Just tell me."

Zoe met his concerned eyes. "I don't want you to go," she whispered.

He took a step forward. "Zoe-"

"But I understand," she said. "Being the one who earns the money… it's important to you."

" _You're_ important to me," said Max.

Zoe shook her head. "I can't be that important if you're leaving me."

* * *

Lofty felt his heart clench as Dylan K looked at the clock again. It was only about thirty seconds since he'd last looked. As Dylan K realised this, his hand shook slightly and the slight frown between his brows became more pronounced. The girl Dylan noticed too: her hand tightened almost imperceptibly around his.

Lofty smiled at the sight. She could scarcely have offered more comfort if she were his daughter – and perhaps, in a way, she was. No man had played a greater part in bringing her into the world. And no man could be more proud to have such an intelligent, competent, mature, and compassionate namesake.

Lofty knew he'd be very happy if Ava or Sienna grew up like Dylan – or if Riley, Archie or Noah did, for that matter.

Thinking of the children brought a smile to Lofty's face, as it always did, but this time it was quickly replaced with concern. He'd been away for such a long time. His hand slipped into his pocket, curling around his phone as he considered phoning Robyn to check everything was okay. Getting five children off to sleep was difficult even when they were two of them to do it and Robyn was finding this pregnancy, her fifth, particularly tough.

His fingers tapped lightly against the phone. Perhaps it would be okay for him to go home now. There was little reason for concern about Luke's surgery, and Dylan was providing all the support Dylan K could need.

Robyn, on the other hand, was all alone.

Then a sound caught his attention. A slight, nervous clearing of the throat. "Dylan?" said Ariana softly, and both Dylans looked up, before Dylan the elder dropped his gaze, embarrassed despite the naturalness of his mistake. Ariana continued, her voice only just audible. "I'm going to see if Matilda's okay."

Dylan gave her a sharp glance, almost as though she were trying to see into the recesses of Ariana's mind. Then she nodded. "Okay."

"See you later," said Ariana, and quickly left the room.

Lofty realised he'd forgotten Ariana was there. She'd sat there so quietly since Matilda had gone to the loo. He'd been slightly surprised they hadn't gone together, but Matilda had said Ariana needed to stay in case Lottie arrived in defiance of Dylan's orders.

Lofty smiled at the thought of anyone's daring to defy Dylan. Either Dylan.

It wasn't until later that it occurred to Lofty that Matilda had been trying to give Ariana something important to do.

* * *

Ethan couldn't believe he'd done it.

He sat on one of the benches outside the hospital, his glasses beside him and his head sunk into his hands. He _understood_ why he'd done it, of course. He was upset. He was stressed. He was very worried about Lily and Cal. Everyone lost patience sometimes. Even Ethan.

But that didn't mean he hadn't done a horrible thing.

"Ethan? Are you okay?"

Ethan looked up to see Louise. "I'm fine."

"Fine?" said Louise. "Whatever. Don't tell me, then!" He thought for a moment that she would storm off, but instead, she sat down. "Come on, Ethan. Spill. I'm having a rubbish day and I could do with having something to take my mind off it."

Ethan looked at her, concerned despite his own problems. "A rubbish day? What's wrong?"

"Oh, just stuff with Noel and Honey," said Louise. "Honey's left her third husband. Noel says she can stay with us indefinitely. I'm not best pleased." She smiled. "Okay, I've told you what's on my mind. Now it's your turn."

Ethan couldn't think about Honey without feeling firstly very glad their relationship had ended, and secondly very guilty for feeling glad their relationship had ended. "Have you talked to Noel about it? I know Honey's his daughter, but it's your home too."

"Yeah, I've told him," said Louise. "He's going to talk to Honey." She gave him a stern look to rival one of Lily's. "But stop avoiding the question, you. Out with it."

"I…" Ethan didn't want to admit to his cruelty, but then he realised he badly needed to talk. "I upset the friend of one of the patients."

Louise looked sympathetic. "The trouble with the patients' friends is that they're so sensitive. Anyone is in that situation. It's so easy to say the wrong thing. It happens to me all the time."

"I wasn't just insensitive," said Ethan. "I was cruel." To his horror, his voice shook slightly. He took a calming breath. "I suppose I've had a rubbish day too. Cal's met a fifteen-year-old girl called Matilda and he's convinced she's his daughter - he's obsessed with her. Lily went off to Alicia's and left the kids alone – she said something about having a headache and running out of painkillers, but it must be more than that. Then the girl Cal thinks is Matilda started asking me questions about him. And I just snapped. I was so stressed anyway, and so worried about what Cal's been saying to her to make her come up with these questions, and then I was looking at her and I started thinking she was so vulnerable and sweet and I just wanted to take care of her. Then I realised I was getting caught up in it just like Cal was… and I can't let that happen. Even if she was our Matilda, she's someone else's child now and we can't interfere!"

As his voice rose with emotion, he felt Louise's hand on his arm and heard her murmuring soothingly to him. "Cal could still be friends with Matilda, you know. Like I'm friends with Lottie."

"Who?" said Ethan, his brain fogged.

"Lottie-Daniela Andrews. One of Matilda's friends. The baby who helped convince me to go back to nursing." There was a smile on Louise's face. "And Dylan, one of their other friends, she's named after our Dylan because he delivered her. They really get on too. And Ariana, the other friend, you'll never guess who her adoptive parents are – Zoe and Max!"

Ethan rubbed his aching head. "If Cal could just be friends with Matilda, maybe that would be okay. But he's getting so obsessive over her and it's not good for him. It's affecting his work; his mood... his whole life."

"Maybe-" began Louise, but then she stopped as a scream ripped through the air. Their eyes met. They turned slowly; fearfully to see what had happened.

Someone was standing on the roof.

* * *

Matilda scrubbed at her eyes with toilet paper and desperately tried to stop crying. She knew Dylan and Ariana would be worried about her and she needed to go back, but they would worry even more if they saw her like this.

She realised now that Ethan was right. She had no right to ask questions about his brother. But his reaction had shocked her because he'd seemed so lovely.

Matilda put her head in her hands and cried some more, but she knew the tears would stop eventually and they did. She went to the sinks and washed her face, then she left the loos and stood there for a moment, trying to remember the way back to the relatives' room and hoping she wouldn't meet Ethan on the way.

Then Ariana walked past.

Matilda only saw her face for a second, but it was enough. That wide, desolate, distraught look in Ariana's eyes only meant one thing. Matilda rushed towards reception, intending to ask the way to the relatives' room so she could fetch Dylan, but the queue was long and Matilda realised that even if she did find the courage to jump the queue, finding Dylan would waste precious time.

She turned in the direction Ariana had taken and looked around. She couldn't be sure which direction Ariana would have taken, but she could guess.

She hurried into a lift and sent it up to the top floor. She knew it was possible to get onto the roof of the ED and she guessed that Ariana would go there. Matilda got out of the lift and looked around desperately. Hospitals always had signs telling you where things were.

She stumbled around the floor for what seemed like several minutes and then, quite suddenly, she found the door leading to the roof. She was about to burst through iy and run to Ariana, but then she stopped herself. She didn't want to startle her friend. She had to keep calm.

Most importantly, she had to save her friend.


	20. Chapter 20

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you could be right - it is pretty dangerous and even though it's easy to get on the roof, as far as I remember there are no railings! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm so happy you liked the chapter. Ethan is a lovely, caring guy - and I'm really glad I've managed to convey that - but even he has his limits.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. You don't have to wait any longer! I just hope it's good enough. No Zoe and Max in this chapter, but you'll find out what happens to Matilda and Ariana.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm sorry I missed your first review - it was a guest review so I didn't realise it was you, but I should have done as it sounds just like you. Thank you for reviewing again! I'm glad you have sympathy with Louise. Yes, Robyn and Lofty have been very active! I thought Robyn would want lots of kids, but I think she's regretting it at the moment!

 **ETWentHome** , Max has always had second thoughts so far, so you never know! Thank you so much for your review and your kind words. Cal would definitely be devastated if anything happened to Matilda or one of her friends.

* * *

"If only I'd kept quiet," said Dylan K, more to himself than to Lofty or Dylan. "If only I'd waited. If only I hadn't just blurted it out like that. If only I'd _thought_."

"Hey, it's not your fault," said Lofty quietly.

Then Dylan quite suddenly pulled her hand from Dylan K's. "I'm so sorry, Dr Keogh," she said, her voice catching.

Dylan K turned to her in surprise. He watched the rise and fall of her tense shoulders and knew she was trying not to cry. He thought he might have been less shocked if Lily or Ethan had burst into tears.

"Dylan, it's not your fault," said Lofty. He nudged Dylan K's arm. "Is it, Dylan?"

"No…" said Dylan K, feeling somewhat at a loss. He lifted a hand, placed it on her arm and patted awkwardly. "No. Of course not."

Dylan turned to face him. Her eyes were dry, but for the first time, she looked vulnerable and afraid. "It is my fault."

"No, it's not," said Dylan K.

"You were acting on my advice," said Dylan with a sad smile. "If you hadn't, Luke might not have run away and he might not be lying in a hospital bed now." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Dr Keogh, I apologise for my misguided advice and the result of it. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but I see now that I wasn't. I really am very sorry."

"No. It's not your fault," said Dylan K. "It's not. Don't think that."

Dylan wiped her hands under her eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't usually cry."

"Neither do I," said Dylan K. "Not usually. But we all have... moments."

Lofty leaned across Dylan K. "I've seen him cry."

"Thank you, Ben," said Dylan K, glaring at him.

He turned back to Dylan and lifted his hand to her shoulder. His movements felt jerky and his grip talon-like, but Dylan turned to him, a smile of gratitude on her face.

"Now, if you want to cry about the accident, that's all right," said Dylan K. "But you have nothing to feel guilty for. Your advice was excellent. It was my interpretation of it that was at fault. It often is at fault. I do often say the wrong thing. I'm probably saying the wrong thing now. But I am grateful to you. Very grateful. I am grateful for your advice. I'm grateful to you for taking care of my brother so well when he was injured. I'm grateful to you for sitting here with me now. If you were at fault in any way at all, which you are not, you would have made up for it by now. All right?"

Dylan smiled at him and reached for his free hand. "Thank you, Dr Keogh. I appreciate it. I really do." She swallowed hard. "Now let's forget about me and think about Luke."

"Firstly, no: I am not going to forget about you," said Dylan K. "You are affected by this too. And secondly, I think it's about time you stopped calling me Dr Keogh. My name, as you well know, is Dylan."

* * *

Matilda was almost at the door to the roof when the scream came. A horrible, blood-curdling scream of agony.

When it stopped, the silence was even worse. Matilda shook as she made her way towards the door, knowing she might be too late

She felt weak with relief as she saw Ariana. She was frighteningly close to the edge, but she was still there.

Matilda walked slowly towards her friend. She knew she mustn't startle her, but if she was too slow...

Carefully and quietly, her eyes fixed on Ariana in an effort not to look down, she edged towards her friend.

"Ariana?" she said softly.

Ariana's voice was harsh. "What do you want?"

"I want you to come back downstairs with me," said Matilda, a catch in her voice. "I want to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you."

Ariana made no reply.

Matilda stopped walking about three feet from the edge. "Ariana, you were fantastic today. The way you went out and helped Luke was just amazing. Not many people could have done that. Not many people have first aid skills anyway, but to be able to use them at our age, when you've just been in an accident, and use them properly, is really incredible. I am so proud of you and if you tell your parents, I know they'll be proud of you too."

"But I'm bad," said Ariana in a small voice. She shuffled forward, closer to the edge.

"No, you're not," said Matilda. She tried to move, but her feet seemed stuck to the roof. _Keep going, Matilda! You've got to!_ But all she could do was talk. "A bad person wouldn't do all that. A bad person would have sat in the car and done nothing. You did all that because you care about people and you want to help."

Ariana stared down towards the ground. "It's not true, Tilly," said Ariana. "I know you believe it, but I don't."

"Then trust me, Ari, " whispered Matilda, tears streaming down her face. _Move, Matilda! Just go to your friend!_ "Trust all of us. We think you're amazing."

"But no-one talked to me," said Ariana. "Dylan and Dr Keogh and Lofty were talking and they ignored me."

Matilda closed her eyes. _I'm on solid ground. I'm on solid ground._ "They didn't mean to. They were focusing on Dr Keogh. But I didn't talk to you either and I'm so sorry. I should have remembered you were upset too, but I was thinking about Cal and Dr Hardy because I'm the selfish one." Matilda sniffled. "We all love you so much, Ari. I think it's amazing how much you do when you have these bad thoughts in your head all the time. If I felt like that, I wouldn't be able to do anything, but you just keep going."

"But I want to kill myself." Ariana was crying too. "How selfish is that?"

"It's not selfish," sobbed Matilda. _I'm the selfish one. She needs me and I can't even move!_ Desperately, she tried to lift her foot. For a moment, it hovered, then she put it in front of the other one. "Firstly because you really believe we would be better off without you. It's not true, but it's what you believe. It's not selfish to want to do what you believe is the best thing for other people. And of course it's sad, seeing you try to hurt yourself so often, but you're fighting the urge every day, most of the day, and you hardly ever give in to it. You really do try so hard and it's amazing."

Ariana's voice was low and defeated. "You always say that. You always convince me. But then the feelings come back."

"Or you could look at it the other way round," said Matilda. She took another step forward. Then another. _Keep going, Matilda! You've got to keep going!_ "No matter how bad you feel, you always end up feeling okay again. Well, maybe not okay. I know you don't ever feel completely okay, but you do sometimes feel happy. Don't you, Ari? Don't you?" Matilda sobbed some more. "You do, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," admitted Ariana. "But is it worth it, Matilda? Is it worth it?"

"Yes!" cried Matilda. "It is worth it. It is. It is." She'd done it. She'd reached the edge. She kept her eyes on Ariana as she flung her arms around her friend and held her tightly. "Please don't do this, Ariana. Please come back with me. You can do it. You can be happy again. I know you can. We aren't ever going to give up on you, so please don't give up on yourself. I love you."

Then Matilda heard another voice. "It's okay, Ariana. I've got you. It's me. It's Dixie. Come away from the edge. It's okay, lovely. It's okay."

* * *

Ethan watched as Dixie led Ariana back towards the door. He remembered the moment when they'd reached the top of the stairs, really not knowing what they might find. But Dixie, with all her experience, and Ethan, with his practised unflappability, hadn't let their courage fail them. And neither had Matilda.

Ethan walked up to Matilda and spoke gently. "Hey, Matilda. Well done. You did really well. Let's go with Dixie and Ariana. Okay?"

She looked up at him blankly.

"It's Ethan. Um, Dr Hardy. Ethan."

Recognition crossed her face, but with it came pain. She swung away from him, towards the edge, her head down

Ethan sensed she was going to sway almost before it happened. His hands shot out and grabbed her, pulling her close to him. She was trembling and so was he. "It's okay. I've got you, Matilda. I've got you."

Matilda began to cry hysterically, clinging on to him. Ethan was reminded of all the many times she'd done that as a baby… but then he pushed the thoughts away. He was as bad as Cal, seeing a resemblance that wasn't really there. And even if it was there… it was too late.

"I'm going to fall! I'm going to fall!" shrieked Matilda.

"No, you're not," said Ethan gently. "You're not going to fall. It's okay."

They were still close to the edge. It seemed natural for Ethan to lift her in his arms and carry her a short way as she gripped his shoulders painfully and continued to sob. He realised his heart was thumping with fear and he held her even more tightly, rocking her in his arms.

Gradually, her death grip on him relaxed, though she stayed close to him. "I don't like heights," she said, still crying.

Ethan stared at her in amazement and renewed terror, then he felt in his pocket for a tissue. "Here: dry your eyes." He tried to stop his voice from shaking. "Everything's okay now. Ariana's okay. You're okay. And you were so brave!"

"Really?" asked Matilda doubtfully.

"Really. And do you know what I'm going to do when I get home?" Ethan's voice was soft. "I'm going tell Cal how brave you are. How you came onto the roof and saved your friend, even though you're scared of heights. He'll be very proud of you, sweetheart. Just like I am."


	21. Chapter 21

**Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. To be fair to Ben, he was just trying to comfort one Dylan by saying something the other had pretty much admitted to... but he is a naughty boy in my stories at the moment! Maybe he just likes it when you slap his hands!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I chose Ariana's name by looking in the list of the top 100 girls' names for 2015. I really liked it and it hadn't (to my knowledge) been given to a baby recently born in Casualty. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked it.

 **Tato Potato** , I think Ethan is a knight in shining armour more often than he and his brother realise. He's modest and Cal probably exaggerates! But I did love making Ethan the hero. I'm sure Cal won't want to let Matilda go now he thinks he's found her.

 **ETWentHome** , I can't quite see Ethan assuming Matilda is his 'niece' based on a feeling he's got - he'll want evidence. But that doesn't mean the feeling isn't there! Thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the Dylans too.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you like the scene between Ethan and Matilda. I enjoyed writing it, but that doesn't always mean it reads well! I thought Matilda need to do something big to help her to believe in herself.

* * *

Lofty was thinking of Robyn again.

There had been no news about Luke and although Dylan K was being well-supported by his namesake, it didn't really feel right for Lofty to leave them. Dylan was a fifteen-year-old girl and although she seemed very independent, he doubted she'd be allowed to spend the night in a hospital with a man in his fifties.

When the text arrived, Lofty felt almost guilty for looking to see who it was from, but when he realised it was Robyn, he knew he had no choice but to read it.

 _Lofty I'm sorry, I can't do this, please come home x_

Lofty read it a few more times. For a moment, guilt filled his throat and he couldn't speak. In the next moment, the chance was lost as he heard someone tapping lightly on the door.

The door opened a crack and he heard Louise's voice. "Sorry, can I come in? I have a message for little Dylan."

A look of amusement passed over the girl's face, presumably at the nickname: Lofty had the impression she was taller than Louise, though that might just be the effect of her personality. Not that Louise was shy and retiring, herself.

Dylan turned and addressed Louise, her voice friendly. "Hi, Louise. How can I help? Are Ariana and Matilda okay?"

"They are okay, but they've had a bit of a shock," said Louise apologetically. She sat beside her, ready to offer comfort. She couldn't imagine anyone much getting much comfort out of big Dylan. "I'm afraid Ariana got onto the roof and threatened to jump, but Matilda talked her out of it."

To her surprise, big Dylan put his hand on his namesake's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Dylan. But you know it's not your fault, don't you?"

"I had no idea she was feeling that way," said little Dylan. "And I should have done. But I'm not going to waste time berating myself now." She gave Dylan K a small smile. "I am sorry, Dylan, but I really think I should go and see Ariana."

Dylan K nodded. "Of course you must. But if you need anything, please come back here or ask reception to page me."

"I couldn't. You have enough to think about," said Dylan. She paused. "But it would be nice to see you before I go."

"Yes," said Dylan K thoughtfully. "It would."

Dylan turned to Louise. "Thanks for letting me know. I don't suppose I could go and see Ariana now? Or Matilda, if she's not up to receiving visitors?"

"Yes, of course," said Louise. The Dylans exchanged a couple more words, then Louise and the younger Dylan, who _was_ taller than Louise, left the room together.

Lofty looked down at his phone, torn between an inwardly distraught best friend with a brother in hospital, and his outwardly distraught pregnant wife on her own with five kids.

It was yet another occasion when whatever he did would be wrong.

* * *

Lily knew what Alicia was thinking. She'd so far avoided saying it directly, instead saying that Lily would feel better once she'd talked to Ethan, but Lily knew she'd never be able to do that.

She also didn't know how she could ever go home.

It wasn't just that Ethan had lied to her. It was the humiliation of knowing the hospital hadn't wanted her for the job. It was the humiliation of Ethan feeling he had to make such a big sacrifice for her.

Lily had made no secret of the fact that she really wanted the job. She'd told Ethan she planned on applying for it as soon as the job had advertised and he'd seemed pleased. He was well aware that she dreamed of being a clinical lead one day. Ethan had only become interested in the job when he'd received the letter inviting him to apply. He hadn't imagined for a moment that he might be offered the post, but he'd thought it seemed wrong not to apply when they'd been kind enough to write and show such confidence in him.

"When you get the job, maybe you can leave me in charge sometimes," he'd said.

Lily had thought he meant it. Ethan was very modest and he had a high opinion of Lily's talents. But the fact he'd been offered the job changed everything.

"Lily, you must be exhausted," said Alicia. "I know you probably feel like you can't sleep, but you might surprise yourself. I slept like a log that time Sam called off the engagement!" She gave Lily a hug. "Would you like to stay the night here?"

She made it sound as though Lily was welcome; perhaps even as though she wanted her to stay the night, but Lily knew that, more than anything, Alicia wanted her to be reconciled with Ethan. Alicia believed there were no complications that couldn't be overcome by a husband and wife who truly loved each other. Lily took a far more realistic view of life and knew it wasn't that simple.

"Thank you, Alicia," she said. "I'd love to stay the night."

* * *

Max sighed, and sat down beside Zoe. "You are important to me. And I don't really want to go. But it's like we have the same arguments all the time. We keep going round in circles."

Zoe sniffed. "But we have the same good times too, Max, don't we? We still like the same things. We're both proud of Ariana. We like living here. We love each other… well, I love you."

"And I love you," said Max. "But no matter what I do, Zoe, you aren't happy. I get a better job and I really think I'm earning enough money, but it's not enough for you. All you can think about is going back to work."

"That is not all I think about!" shouted Zoe.

"But you are going back to work, aren't you?" said Max sadly. "You know, Zoe, if you'd discussed it with me first; if you'd mentioned you wanted to go back to work."

"What: you think I should have asked permission?" said Zoe incredulously.

"No, of course not," said Max. "But it's not just you who's affected by this, Zoe. It affects me and Ariana too."

Zoe raised her voice again. "I'm doing this for Ariana!"

Max stared at her, not understanding at first. "How can going back to work and spending less time with Ariana be good for her?"

"Max, I'm thinking about her future," said Zoe, more tears welling in her eyes. "Ariana is an intelligent girl and I don't think I'm just saying that because I'm her mum. She's really good at English, music, drama… and part of the reason why she's so good at music is because you encouraged her."

Max nodded just slightly, accepting the compliment, even though most children found out they loved music whether their parents did or not.

"She has the ability to get a good job," said Zoe. "But is she going to keep it? You know what the politics are like in a workplace. It didn't happen quite so much at Holby, but so many places have cliques. There's bitching. There's backstabbing. How's Ariana going to cope with that? And even if she is lucky enough to find a nice workplace, she's going to be trying to read between the lines every time someone speaks to her. She's going to see insults and slights where they don't exist – and we know where that leads. We've got to accept, Max, that Ariana might not be able to work. She's going to need our support – emotionally and financially. I just want to make absolutely sure there's enough money to support Ariana if she needs it. That's all I want, Max. To make sure our daughter is… sorry." Her phone was ringing. "I'll switch it off. This is too important to…" She stopped, fear filling her face. "Oh God, Max, it's the hospital."

At one time, the news wouldn't have filled Max with fear. They'd had lots of friends who worked at the hospital. At one time, it would just have meant they were short-staffed and needed Zoe, or that Max had forgotten about his shift again.

But now, phone calls from a hospital meant only one thing.

* * *

From the corner of her eye, Matilda saw someone sit in the chair next to her. She looked up to see Ethan holding a cup of tea.

"Here," he said. "Drink this. But not straight away: it's hot."

Matilda took the cup of tea from him and smiled nervously. "Thank you." As a doctor, Ethan had proved himself to be almost as kind as his brother, but that didn't change what he'd said to her and how much it had hurt.

I don't suppose you've heard any news?" said Ethan diffidently.

"They're still assessing her," said Matilda. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Please don't cry," said Ethan. He looked quite upset, himself. "I mean, you're very welcome to cry if you want to. But I'm sure they'll be finished soon. Then you can be with Ariana."

Matilda nodded and wiped her eyes.

"I… er… I actually wanted to apologise," said Ethan. "For the way I spoke to you. I shouldn't have done that. It was unforgiveable. It wasn't anything you'd done wrong. I've just had a really terrible day and I was stupid and cruel and unprofessional enough to take it out on you. I'm so sorry, Matilda. I really am."

It sounded like he meant it. Matilda examined his face. He did look upset and very tired. "I'm sorry you've had a terrible day," she offered.

"Thank you," said Ethan. "But I'm sure it wasn't as bad as yours." A look of pain came over his face. "If that was Cal up there…"

Matilda felt her eyes widen. "Why would it be Cal?"

"Cal hasn't had an easy life," said Ethan. "He's lost a lot of people. I'm sure you'd never do anything to hurt him. In fact, I _know_ you wouldn't. I've seen how much you care about your friends. But sometimes…" Ethan seemed to think better of what he was going to say. "I'm overprotective, I suppose. I worry that other people will hurt him too."

"I would never want to hurt Cal," said Matilda. "I think he's the most amazing man I've ever met." She paused. "Though you're pretty amazing too. You saved me and Ariana and I'm really grateful. Thank you, Ethan."

Ethan gave a shy, awkward smile. "You're welcome, Matilda. I think you're amazing too. You did save a life today."

Matilda stared at him, then shook her head. "No. I didn't save Ariana. You and Dixie helped."

Ethan's smile looked much more natural now. "Matilda, let me tell you a secret. I'm sure I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've saved someone without help. And I've been working in the emergency department of a hospital for twenty years."


	22. Chapter 22

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review - I'm so pleased you're still enjoying it. I'm glad you liked the Lily and Alicia scene - it's quite weird imagining them as friends, but it's nice at the same time! I couldn't leave Ethan and Matilda at odds for long.

 **Tato Potato** , Ethan has always been very caring, but I think now he has a wife and family, he's more confident. Matilda can't live with Cal and Ethan as things stand, but I will definitely develop their relationship further. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I like writing Lily and Alicia as friends, even though it feels quite weird! Although they have different personalities and had a different upbringing, I think they are quite similar in some ways. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think 'Big Dylan' would find the height reference more tactful, but Dylan the younger would find it very mildly irritating to be called 'little' at fifteen. Max can only see things from his own point of view, unfortunately. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan is very upset and confused about Lily, and the Cal situation won't help! I'm hoping to show there's a connection between Ethan and Matilda, even if he won't admit it!

* * *

Rita was woken by a crashing sound. It sounded like it came from Alfie's room. As a mother, she felt a paralysing jolt of terror, but she didn't give in to it. As a nurse, she was already running towards the sound.

She heard Iain's footsteps on the stairs. "Alfie? Rita? Are you-" he stopped as he saw his wife.

"Alfie," she said succinctly, and knocked on the door. "Alfie, sweetheart? Are you okay?"

"He should be in bed: he's got school tomorrow!" said Iain, but Rita knew he was just trying to cover his anxiety.

Alfie opened the door. "She's done it again."

"Who has, sweetheart?" said Rita. It was an effort to keep her arms by her side, but she knew she wouldn't get anything out of Alfie if she hugged him.

"Ariana," he sighed.

Iain put his hands on Alfie's shoulders (matey physical contact from a man, Rita had learned, was much more acceptable than being hugged by your mum). "Come on, mate. It's okay. I know it's worrying, but Ariana's being hurting herself for years, for all kinds of reasons. You've got no reason to assume it's your fault."

"I just feel bad," said Alfie wretchedly. "Even if I'm not the reason this time, I can't have helped."

"Alfie, you're in no way responsible for this," said Rita. "I know Ariana isn't completely responsible for herself, but that doesn't mean anyone else is responsible. You haven't done anything to upset her, apart from one thing last week which you absolutely had to do. I know it's not easy to switch off your feelings and it will probably take time, but this is not your fault. And we're going to support you with this: okay?" She saw the beginnings of offended masculinity and quickly added: "Just like we support your dad when he has a bad experience at work."

* * *

Cal jumped when he felt the small hand on his arm. He turned to see his nephew, staring up at him with concerned brown eyes, so much like his dad's.

"Uncle Cal, are you crying?" he said.

"I…" Cal sniffed and brushed his hands across his face. He knew that saying no would be pointless. It would also increase the chance of Caleb telling Ethan about it. "I watched a really sad film."

Caleb's face relaxed. This was a sadness he could well understand. He sat beside Cal and put his arm around him. "What was it about?"

"Oh… it was about a guy who fell in love with a girl and she broke his heart," said Cal, blinking back more tears. "But then she came back into his life with a baby girl. She said the baby was his, then she disappeared again. At first, he was upset and angry, but he had this little baby girl who needed to be looked after and he really fell in love with her." Cal's voice shook and a few more tears fell. He felt Caleb rubbing his arm. "But the thing about this girl was she told lies. And the guy's family weren't sure the baby was really his. In the end, he gave in to pressure and had tests done – and he found out she wasn't his little girl after all. So she had to go and live with somebody else."

Caleb stopped rubbing his arm. "Has Mummy disappeared?"

"What? No, of course she hasn't!" Cal gave Caleb a hug. "Mummy's fine. She's just gone to see Auntie Alicia. They're probably talking about really boring stuff like cooking and lipsticks and babies."

"Mummy never talks about cooking and lipsticks," said Caleb.

"Oh, right. No. They'll be talking about medical research and how to keep their husbands in order. That's the thing about girls. They talk and talk and talk… and then before they know it, it's six hours later and it's too late to come home. So they have a little sleepover."

"But she is coming back?" said Caleb.

Cal brought his face level with Caleb's. "Of course she is. She's probably telling Auntie Alicia how much she misses you." He kissed Caleb's forehead. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed. I'm sure I can manage another story."

* * *

Noel heard the click of Louise's key in the door and didn't miss the meaningful look on Honey's face.

"Are you going to tell her then?" she said.

"Yes. I'm going to tell her," promised Noel.

He might not get out of it alive, but he had to do right by his daughter, didn't he?

Honey smiled, bent to kiss him on the cheek and departed to her bedroom, passing Louise in the hall. Through the doorway, Noel watched Honey give Louise a hug, a kiss and a friendly good night. Noel was relieved. Perhaps it would all blow over.

His hopes died when he saw the look on Louise's face. "You did talk to her, Noel, didn't you?"

"Yes, I talked to her," said Noel.

"And she's agreed she won't stay forever?"

Noel hesitated. He loved Louise, but there were definitely times when he was tempted to say what she wanted to hear, just for the sake of an easy life.

Louise's eyes narrowed. "You _didn't_ tell her, did you?"

For a moment, Noel thought she might hit him, but instead, she slumped down onto the sofa beside him and put her head in her hands.

"Louise? What's wrong?" Noel put his arm around her. "What's happened, love?"

"I've just had a really bad day," said Louise. "Not just Honey, though she obviously didn't help. We had an incident on the ED roof. Lottie's friend Ariana has BPD and she tried to jump off. Me and Ethan saw her up there. Ethan and Dixie went up onto the roof. I stayed down below with the other paramedics, ready to offer treatment if Ariana jumped." Louise's face crumpled. "She didn't, but… it was _awful_ , Noel. Just standing there, waiting. Not knowing."

"Oh, Louise." Noel hugged her tightly. It wasn't the first time they'd had an incident like this since he'd been working at the ED, but it was the first, to his knowledge, that had involved Louise.

"I just kept thinking about how Lottie would feel if something happened to Ariana," said Louise. "Matilda was up there with her, but Matilda's useless. Dylan's like, always in control and really intelligent. Lottie's really kind and comforting. But Lottie didn't come because of her dislocated shoulder and Dylan was with the other Dylan: his little brother was brought in tonight too. So it was just Ariana and Matilda, and I was so scared."

"I know, Louise, but it's over now," Noel said gently.

Louise didn't seem to hear. "Matilda was talking to her for ages, but she didn't go near her. She stayed well back and just talked to her. I didn't get that. If she'd gone over to her and held on to her, that might have stopped her. But it was ages before she did that."

Noel stroked Louise's hair. "She probably had her reasons, love. You know you mustn't approach someone in that situation too quickly. The important thing is Ariana didn't jump."

"I think it was really Ethan and Dixie who stopped her," said Louise. "They got Ariana and Matilda off the roof and hailed Matilda as a heroine. I kept my mouth shut."

Noel thought that, probably more than anything, demonstrated how shocked Louise had been. She wasn't usually one to keep her mouth shut.

He decided, with some relief, that he now had every reason to put off his conversation with Louise about Honey. Louise needed him to be kind and sensitive tonight. He would worry about Honey in the morning.

* * *

Dylan K felt different when Dylan had gone. Without her support, he began to worry, and it wasn't as though Lofty was making the effort to make him feel better.

He was surprised about that and actually a little bit hurt. Lofty was usually such a good friend, but he really seemed far more concerned with his phone than his friend's little brother.

Not that Dylan really wanted a fuss, but it would be nice to have a distraction.

He was trying to think of a way to open a conversation (oh, why wasn't he better at this?) when Lofty's phone rang again.

"You're very popular tonight," Dylan couldn't help remarking.

Lofty was staring at his phone almost as though he were afraid of it, but he answered it. "Hey, Robyn. You okay?"

Dylan heard a very high-pitched sound coming from the phone.

"Robyn… Robyn, I'm sorry, but Dylan really needs me," said Lofty. More high-pitched noises. "Yes, I know you really need me too, but Luke's been in an accident and he's having surgery. There's nothing wrong with our kids, is there?" Robyn's voice crept up a few decibels and Lofty's voice changed. "Oh. Oh, really?" He shot a guilty look at Dylan. "Well… I suppose…"

Dylan felt disappointment, but he knew there was only one thing he could do. He had coped with worse than a brother in surgery , after all. "Just go, Ben! I appreciate you being here, but your family comes before mine." He took the phone from Lofty. "He's coming home, Robyn."

"Thank you, Dylan." Robyn was crying so much, Dylanknew at once that it was the right decision.

"Right… er… don't worry," said Dylan awkwardly. "He's on his way." He gave the phone to Lofty, who said a few more words to Robyn before giving Dylan a hug.

"Thanks, Dylan," said Lofty gratefully. "I wouldn't leave if it was just a normal night with five kids, but Riley's throwing up, Ava's having nightmares, Noah and Sienna are being typical babies, Archie is being naughty in every way he can possibly think of and Robyn… well, you probably heard the state she was in."

"Ben, it's all right," said Dylan. "I'll cope. I have a lot of experience of coping."

It was true, of course, but it didn't mean he had experience of this. He'd been a big brother for fifteen years, but it was only now he was developing any understanding of what that meant.

He realised now that part of it seemed to mean being absolutely terrified. He wondered if it was the same for Cal.

A few moments after Lofty's departure, Ella entered the room. "Dr Keogh, Luke's out of surgery. He don't actually want to see you, but all teenagers say that and it don't mean nothing."

"Oh," said Dylan, trying not to show that he was hurt. "Are you discharging him or keeping him overnight?"

"Keeping him overnight," said Ella, but the way she broke eye contact suggested it hadn't been her decision.

"Right, well, I'm sure he can't object too much if I just go up for a short while," said Dylan. "Then I can go home. On my own."

Ella nodded. "Yeah, that'll be nice for you, won't it? You'll get a bit of a break!"

Dylan said nothing, but there was a sinking feeling in his heart. He was used to people rejecting him, but he couldn't bear the thought of that happening with Luke.

Especially not when Luke really needed someone.


	23. Chapter 23

_I hope everyone is still enjoying this - I think Cal and Matilda will be together in every chapter after this one. I can't promise as sometimes chapters are too long and need to be cut in half, but I'll try my best._

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. You could be right about Honey and a Louise-related accident! Especially as everyone else's children keep ending up in hospital. Cal in this story is quite a different character because he's never got over losing Matilda and I don't think he'd ever want any other child (though he loves being an uncle).

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed it.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I really like writing the scenes between parents and children - I'm really happy you like them too. I've barely written Iain at all until recently, but I love writing him! He's in Keep on Fighting too. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Maybe Noel and Dylan should bond over the difficulties of having long-lost family members showing up unexpectedly and bringing havoc into their lives. I can't quite imagine those two bonding, though!

* * *

Zoe and Max burst through the doors of the ED and ran towards reception, only for Zoe to cry aloud in frustration as they realised there was a queue. "What are we going to do, Max?"

"Jump it," said Max succinctly. "It won't take two seconds." He ran round to the side of the reception desk. "Hey, Jack."

"Cubicle 6," said Jack.

"Thanks, mate." Max turned to Zoe. "See? Easy."

"Great: does the whole hospital know?" said Zoe.

Max took her hand and led her towards cubicles. "If they do know, it's only because they care. You worked here for a long time, Zoe, and if Ariana does stand out to the staff, that'll be because she's your child. And if they're prepared to bend the rules a little bit, that's because of you."

"And you," said Zoe quietly. "Don't forget you worked here for a long time too. You were an important part of the team, Max. That's why they still remember you. And it's you they remember. Not just Zoe's husband."

She could tell Max didn't believe her. He gave a sad smile, then changed the subject – to one that was admittedly more important. "I thought Cubicle 6 was… they've changed the numbers round _again_. Where is number 6?"

They turned back the way they'd come and found it quite quickly. Max tugged at Zoe's hand, trying to urge her on, but Zoe's shoes seemed to weigh a kilogram each.

"Hey, you okay?" asked Max softly.

"I just… hate this moment," admitted Zoe. "Before we see her."

Max drew her into a hug. "I know. Me too. But she didn't hurt herself this time."

"I never thought the idea of blood and broken bones would fill me with such terror," said Zoe.

Max put his hands on her shoulders. "Me neither. But when it comes down to it, I wouldn't swap Ariana for anyone else."

"Then why were you leaving her?" said Zoe.

"We can't talk about that now," said Max in a hushed voice. "Let's just go in there and see our daughter. I know you're scared, Zoe. So am I. But we can do this. Okay?"

Zoe nodded faintly. She felt his lips lightly touch hers and wondered if that meant he was staying, but in the next moment, Max pushed the curtain aside and they saw their daughter.

"Ariana!" Zoe rushed to her side and threw her arms around her. "I'm so glad you're okay. "

"I shouldn't be okay," sobbed Ariana. "I wasn't getting any attention and I couldn't cope. I couldn't remember my mindfulness."

Max sat on her other side. "That's okay. I always forget everything when something big happens. He gave a quick smile for the girls who had made way for them. "Hi, Dylan. Hi, Matilda. Thanks for looking after our baby." Then he turned straight back to Ariana and hugged her.

Dylan took Matilda's arm and started to lead her out of the cubicle. "It wasn't a problem, Max. You know we love Ariana."

Zoe knew she'd said that for Ariana's benefit at least as much as for her parents'. It was difficult, the constant reassurance, but Dylan always did it so naturally. Zoe wished she could, but she so often got it wrong and made things worse.

"Do you need a lift home?" Max called after Dylan and Matilda belatedly, while Zoe hugged Ariana and told her she loved her.

"That's all right, thank you. Dr Hardy's giving us a lift," answered Dylan.

Zoe idly wondered which Dr Hardy, but she decided she didn't care. Her daughter was okay and her husband was still here.

It frightened her to think how easily she could have lost them both.

* * *

The closer they got to Matilda's house, the more scared she became.

She'd sneaked out to see her friends and she'd been away for such a long time. They would have noticed by now and they would be waiting for her.

She'd been relieved when Ethan had said he'd drop Dylan off first because it would put the moment off for a bit longer. But now Dylan was safely home and it was her turn and short of another car accident, which Matilda didn't think she could cope with, she was going to see them soon.

"Are you okay?" said Ethan as he started to drive away, and Matilda turned away from the window to see he was watching her, a worried look in his brown eyes.

"I'm scared," said Matilda without meaning to.

Ethan brought the car to a stop again. "What are you scared of?" he asked gently.

Matilda felt her eyes fill with tears. It was so long since anyone had asked her that. It was so long since she'd dared say it to anyone other than her friends.

She'd asked for help before. She'd tried speaking to teachers; counsellors; parents of friends. But their reaction was always the same. She was lying. No parent would say those things to their child. At best, they laughed and told her that all children had problems with their parents or that it was just Matilda's hormones playing up.

Matilda was sure her hormones didn't help, but it was real. She was sure it was. She was sure she couldn't have imagined the cruel things they said to her. Could she?

"Matilda, if there's anything wrong, you can tell me," said Ethan. "Anything at all. If you need help or just someone to talk to, I'm here."

"I'm just worried about Ariana," said Matilda, and then she started to cry because they were right. She was a horrible person. Her friend had tried to kill herself and Matilda was worrying about herself.

Ethan unbuckled his seatbelt and held out his arms. Matilda clung to him and sobbed into his chest and in that moment, she completely trusted him.

But when he let her go and asked her again if she needed any help, she said she was fine.

She liked Ethan so much and he seemed he liked her. Matilda didn't want to ruin that with a truth he'd never believe.

* * *

Dylan still found himself counting when he was afraid.

He thought that might have been partly how it begun. Mathematics had soothed him because it was logical and there were no nasty surprises so he'd started looking for patterns in other things too. To begin with, it had been all right because they'd helped him to feel safer and kept him grounded, but he hadn't forgotten the time it had all got out of control.

"Here we are!" said Ella cheerfully, and opened the door for him. "You okay now, Dr Keogh? Hey, Luke. Here's your brother. See you both later."

Dylan stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. "Hello, Luke."

Luke said nothing. He looked down at his hands. One was resting in his lap; the other was in a sling.

"How are you?" said Dylan. It sounded wrong. Most of the things he said were wrong. But Luke always knew what he was getting at.

Luke lifted his head. His eyes narrowed to slits.

"Okay, I can see that you're not feeling terribly well at the moment," said Dylan. "That's natural. You've had a terrible shock and… well… another terrible shock. And I think Dr Ashford said you had a general anaesthetic so you're probably still feeling a bit groggy."

Luke turned his head away.

"You don't have to talk to me," said Dylan. "I'm not always good at talking. Well, you know that. The important thing is that we…" He stopped. The phrase seemed unnatural, but he knew it was important to be supportive. "…that we get through this together. As a family."

Luke turned back to Dylan. He said just one word.

"Freak."

* * *

Ethan parked the car and rested his head on the steering wheel.

It had been a horrible day and all he wanted was to talk to his wife.

He wanted to tell her about the heartstopping moment on the roof. He wanted to tell her how worried he was about Matilda.

But he couldn't because the main reason his day had been awful was because of Lily.

He dragged himself out of the car and unlocked the door, immediately hearing Cal's voice.

"Okay, but you'll come home tomorrow, won't you?" said Cal. His voice rose. "What? Lily, what's wrong with you?"

Ethan hurried into the room, his arm outstretched. "Please can I talk to her?"

"Lily, Ethan wants to talk to you," said Cal. "I know you don't want… I mean, I'm sure you can say a few words. At least tell him you're-" He stopped. "Hello? Lily?" He threw the phone on the sofa and turned to his brother, clearly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"What did she say?" said Ethan. Hit by a wave of exhaustion, he sank onto the sofa beside Cal. "What have I done, Cal?"

Cal looked at Ethan through worried red-rimmed eyes.

"I'm sorry: are you okay?" said Ethan quickly. He could see Cal had been crying. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," said Cal. "I just want to kill my sister-in-law."

Ethan took his glasses off and rubbed at his tired eyes. He asked a question he'd always believed he'd never need to ask. "Has she left me, Cal?"

"She's… gone to stay with Alicia," said Cal. "That's all. Why don't you go to bed, Ethan? You look like you've had a rough day."

" _Has she left me?_ "

"Lily's really tired too," said Cal evasively. "Why don't you just leave it till tomorrow?"

Ethan spoke without looking at Cal. "She has left me, hasn't she?"

"She's left for tonight," said Cal. "But I'm sure once you've both had a sleep…"

"Just tell me what she said!" almost shouted Ethan.

Cal sighed and put his arm around Ethan's shoulders. "Okay. She says she's not coming home tonight. She says you've done something, but she won't tell me what – she says you know."

"But I don't know," said Ethan.

Cal's hand tightened on his shoulder. "I know, Nibbles. I know. Don't worry. Women can be like that sometimes. Especially Lily. She says she knows what you've done and you shouldn't have expected to get away with it and she needs time to think."

Ethan's voice was high. More like Caleb's than his own. "She's left me, hasn't she?"

"No!" said Cal, but Ethan could tell from the look in his eyes.

"Right," said Ethan. "I'm going to bed."

He hurried upstairs before Cal could say more. He washed, undressed and got into bed, but it didn't help. His bedroom wasn't just his bedroom. It was Lily's bedroom too and even with his back to her half of the bed, he could feel the emptiness of it.

Ethan rolled over onto his stomach, onto Lily's half of the bed. He buried his face into the pillow and breathed in. Tears filled his eyes. "Lily, what have I done?"


	24. Chapter 24

**ETWentHome** , your stories have made me tear up lots of times so I'm pleased to return the favour! Not that I'd really want to make anyone cry, but it is so amazing that I can write something and make you feel emotions. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Luke was cruel! I haven't decided yet if he knew exactly what he was saying or if he was just lashing out with a random word, but it's not a nice thing to say to anybody. Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid Ethan and Matilda aren't quite okay yet, but they do have Cal looking out for them, so it could be worse!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. Unfortunately, I don't think I could write a story with Ethan in it without making him suffer! Could you?

 **X-Sammii-X** , Cal and Matilda are on the way! I hope you enjoy their scene together. I'm really glad you like the Zoe and Max scene too - I find them quite difficult to write. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - you're very kind and I'm absolutely thrilled you're enjoying the story. I think Matilda probably won't try to end it all as I've already got one suicidal character, but she is very unhappy, so I could change my mind...

 **Elsieleo** , thank you for your review - I really do appreciate it. I wanted to use connections as fanfiction is more about recognisable characters than OCs, but I loved inventing and writing the connections and I'm so happy you like them.

 _thank you to **hopeyx** and **Applealice10** for your favourite and follow._

* * *

Dylan sat in the staff room, his head in his hands as he contemplated whether he ought to be here. The last few days, since Luke had left, had been a nightmare. Perhaps inevitably, he'd found himself doing everything he could in the hope that Luke would come home safely: the illogical OCD traits he thought he'd left behind him.

But taking even half a day off wasn't an option. Lily was off work indefinitely and Ethan was so obviously in a state about it, he'd actually begged Dylan to take over from him as acting clinical lead. Dylan had refused to touch the job with a bargepole when he'd been invited to apply for it, but to his surprise, he hadn't been able to resist Ethan's pleas.

He knew how tough it was when a family member walked out on you.

Dylan heard the door opening and quickly sat up, trying to look alert and in control and everything you wanted from a clinical lead, but he slumped back against the sofa when he realised it was only Lofty.

Lofty took one look at him and came to sit behind him. "You okay?"

"I'm… struggling," admitted Dylan. It wasn't something he'd have admitted to anyone else.

"Have you thought about going to speak to Grace about it?" said Lofty.

"No." Dylan had considered it, briefly, but he had too many memories of Grace as an annoying child to take her seriously as a psychotherapist. "How are Robyn and the children?" he asked, as much because he cared as from a desire to change the subject.

Lofty smiled, clearly pleased he'd asked. "They're all over that virus now, so things are easier for Robyn. Zoe's offered to help out after half-term. So that should make a difference." He paused. "Um... how's Luke?"

"Alicia says he's doing a bit better, but he still doesn't want to see me," sighed Dylan.

"It must be a full house with him and Lily both staying there," said Lofty. "And I know what that's like!"

Dylan nodded. "I feel guilty, but they offered and Luke gets on well with Charlie... and I don't want to force him to live with someone else he hates." He stopped, embarrassed by the emotion in his voice and quickly continued with: "Did you come in here for a reason?" He didn't mean to sound abrupt. He was just stressed and worried and he genuinely didn't want to eat into Lofty's break time.

"Well… I was going to ask you if you'd come and have a look at Dylan Wilkinson-Brae," said Lofty, "but if you're not feeling… I mean, if you're on a break…"

Dylan was on his feet before Lofty had finished speaking. "Dylan? What's happened to her?"

"Appendicitis, she thinks, and I'm inclined to agree," said Lofty.

"Which cubicle?"

Lofty hesitated. "Cubicle 4. But we could probably move her."

"It's just a number!" snapped Dylan. For his own benefit as much as Lofty's.

* * *

Ethan had hoped that a bit of time in his office would help. Every case he'd dealt with was so difficult today.

But it wasn't just _his_ office. It was Lily's too. When she'd first been promoted to consultant and there had been no office available, he'd said at once that he wanted Lily to share with him.

They hadn't stayed in the same office for the whole time. Lily had been given a bigger office when she'd been given the post of clinical lead, but she'd insisted that she still wanted Ethan to share with her.

Everywhere he looked, he could see her.

A knock at the door roused him from his misery. Ethan took off his glasses, wiped the moisture from his eyes and cleared his throat before inviting his visitor to come in.

Cal took one wide-eyed look at him and came to Ethan's side of the desk, crouching beside the chair, his hand on Ethan's knee. "Is it Lily?"

Ethan nodded, his eyes filling again.

"Ethan, you've got to talk to her," said Cal. "Just go to Alicia's and demand to see Lily. You've got to find out what this is about. It's killing you."

"I… I love her so much and I don't know what I've done!" Ethan buried his head in his hands.

"Then ask her," said Cal, as he rubbed Ethan's back. "Take an early lunchbreak and go and see her. We can cover for you till you get back."

* * *

Louise slammed her car door with unnecessary force and stalked across the car park towards the supermarket.

She couldn't believe Noel. She literally couldn't _believe_ him.

How could he _still_ not have told Honey? Noel had gone on about how Honey was upset too and how she was heartbroken about her latest marriage breakdown (Louise had thought cynically that she'd believe it when she saw it), but if Noel didn't say something soon, Louise would have to intervene. And it wouldn't be pretty.

Louise was halfway across a zebra crossing when she felt the strap on her handbag break. It was open at the top and the contents spilled on the ground. She nearly burst into tears. Why did this have to happen on a day when she was wearing tights?

Louise slowly dropped to her knees and started to pick up her possessions. A car hooted behind her and she tried to hurry, but the items were scattered and oh ****, she'd definitely torn her tights now.

"Hey, Louise. Are you okay?" said a voice. "Let me help you. I'm afraid I've still only got one arm, but three is probably better than two!"

"Lottie!" said Louise. She didn't think she'd ever been so glad to see anyone.

* * *

Matilda felt pain as her back hit the edge of the window sill. She wanted to get further away, but there was nowhere to go. Not unless she climbed out of the window, but it was too far from the ground and they would stop her.

She felt her legs give way beneath her so she was half-sitting, half-kneeling on the floor. The tears rolled down her face.

"You are a horrible girl, Matilda. You were a horrible little girl and you're going to be a horrible woman. A horrible, lonely old woman."

"We've tried so hard, but you're so determined to hate us. We will never let you go though. We will always be here for you because that's our duty. We will always look after you because we have to. We will always love you because we have to."

"No-one else ever will. Everyone else can see how horrible you are."

"Haven't you seen the way they look at you? But no. You wouldn't understand it if they did. You're subnormal, Matilda. Not a proper human being at all. They look at you and they fear you because they can see the nastiness in your soul. They look at you and see that you want to hurt them, the way you hurt us every day."

"You've had every chance you know. You've been brought up in a nice house with nice people. You've even managed to find yourself some nice friends, but Charlotte will be kind to anyone and Dilys probably sees you as an interesting research project. People like you aren't usually lucky enough to be able to live in society."

"Do you know where you'd be now, Mattie, if you didn't have us? Possibly a mental asylum with your 'friend' Ariana, but more likely in prison. There's just something about you that makes you want to hurt others and if you'd got in with the wrong crowd – if we hadn't protected you and loved you and ensured that didn't happen – that's what would have happened to you."

"You should be grateful to us, Mattie. You never are, of course. You're not capable of it. But you have so many reasons to be grateful to us."

* * *

Zoe hated how lost she felt. She was Ariana's mother and she was a doctor, but she had no idea what to do. Her mind remained disappointingly, terrifyingly blank and although she still tried to make suggestions, nothing she said seemed to help.

"Why do you bother with me?" said Ariana.

Well, at least that was easy. "Because I love you and I want you to be happy."

"What if I never can be happy?" said Ariana.

Zoe felt tears stinging her eyes, but she'd resolved never to cry in front of her daughter. "Ariana, I'm sure you can. You are happy sometimes. Not for long enough, I know, but you are sometimes happy. So I just want to do everything I can for you. Even if there's the tiniest chance that one small thing could make you happy, then I want to do it. As many times as it takes. I know sometimes it won't work. I know it usually won't work for long. But that doesn't matter. I'll still do it. Just in case this is the time when it works."

Ariana let her head fall onto Zoe's shoulder. "I do try to be happy, Mum. I know it might not seem like it. Mostly, I can't do it. But I do try."

"I know you do," said Zoe. There were frustrated moments when she'd wondered, but that was something Ariana would never know about. "I know you do, Ari. And I'm proud that you always try."

* * *

Cal stood in Resus, trying to concentrate on supervising Ella and not thinking about Ethan. He knew he'd done the right thing in sending Ethan to speak to Lily. It had been going on for too long now and Ethan was in no condition to work.

"Okay, babe, can you cough for me?" Ella said to the patient.

The patient coughed. The chest drain began to bubble.

"Well done," said Ella, patting his arm. "You were well brave. I was in pieces when I had to have one of them chest drain things." She turned to Cal. "How did I do, Dr Knight?"

"You did really well," said Cal. "Good job, Ella." His phone was vibrating. "I'm sorry: will you excuse me?"

He would usually have ignored it, but he was worried it might be Ethan. Once he got out his phone, he realised it was an unknown number and nearly rejected the call, but something made him answer it.

At first, he could hear no words. Only sobbing.

It wasn't Ethan. Cal was sure it was a female and he didn't think it was Lily or one of his nieces.

"Hey, who is this?" said Cal. "This is Cal. Caleb Knight. Can you tell me your name?"

"M-m-Matilda."

Cal began to tremble. "Matilda, darling, what's wrong? Can you tell me where you are? I'd really like to help you, but I need to know where you are."

"So… scared," sobbed Matilda.

"I know, darling. I know," said Cal. "But I'll be with you as soon as I can and I'll keep you safe… I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." _Not this time._


	25. Chapter 25

**ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. The last chapter had lots of scenes that were difficult to write and what you said about them really reassured me that I didn't mess them up. Thank you so much. I agree Cal would do almost anything for Matilda.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I want Cal to give Matilda a big hug too! So maybe he will. I like your ideas and I'll try to include at least one of them. It would be really exciting if Matilda found out in the way you suggested. Thank you!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Matilda's parents are awful. I didn't want there to be any doubt that she would be much better off with Cal.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm sure Cal will do his best to help Tilly. I hope Ethan and Lily will sort their relationship out too, but Ethan needs to find out what's wrong! Thank you for your review. I'm so happy you're enjoying the story.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'll keep your Louise and Honey request in mind! This story could probably do with a bit of comic relief. My mum insists on calling my support workers by the wrong names and it is maddening! Thank you for your review.

 **Elsieleo** , thank you for your review. I'm trying to update every day at the moment, but I might not always manage it. I know what you mean - mental abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse, but it's much harder to prove.

Thank you to **Applealice10** for the favourite.

* * *

Louise placed a latte in front of Lottie and then took the seat opposite her. "There you are! Enjoy, and I'll try to remember not to ask why you're not at school."

Lottie laughed. "It's half-term. I'm a little bit disappointed, to be honest. If I'd got injured a week earlier, I'd have got an extra week off school! But I don't mind really."

"You're not spending half-term with your friends?" Louise was sure there was a more sensitive way of putting it, but if so, she didn't know what it was.

"Not so far," said Lottie. "Dylan's ill and I'm actually pretty worried as she usually gives us a rundown of her temperature, pulse and blood pressure, but she hasn't said anything this time. Ariana's depressed, so I'm worried about her too, and Tilly's phone's switched off, so guess how that makes me feel!" She smiled suddenly. "I'm glad I ran into you, Louise. It makes my day much better."

Louise was surprised by the glow that spread through her. It wasn't often that people were pleased to see her.

"So how's your day been?" asked Lottie. "If it's not rude to ask you."

"No, course not," said Louise. "But my answer might be quite rude! My stepdaughter's come to stay – _indefinitely_ – and I can't think of many polite words to describe her at the moment."

* * *

Cal parked the car and jumped out, running to Matilda's side. "Matilda, darling, it's me. It's Cal. You're okay now. I'm here."

Matilda clung to him sobbing hysterically. She was trying to say something and it took quite a while for Cal to realise she was saying she wanted to go.

"Of course we can go, Matilda. Come on, darling. The car's just here."

He helped her into the front seat and hurried round to the other side. She was still sobbing and trembling hard. He could tell she was close to a panic attack and desperately tried to remember how to calm her down. It was something he'd dealt with hundreds of times, but it was different when it was Matilda and he was so terrified of what might have happened to her.

"There: that's better," he said in relief as Matilda finally became a bit calmer. "It's okay, Matilda. I'm here and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He found a tissue and wiped her eyes and nose for her (after all, she was still his baby and always would be). "Can you blow your nose for me? That's right." He kissed her forehead. "I love…" He caught himself. "I love… the fact you called me. Do you think you can tell me what happened?"

"Can we go somewhere?" asked Matilda, her eyes pleading.

"Of course we can," said Cal. "I'll take you home."

Matilda paled and clutched his sleeve. "No! I can't go home!"

"Hey, shh, it's okay," said Cal. "I'm going to take you to _my_ home."

* * *

Alicia closed the living room door and went to sit beside Sam. "Sorry, babe, can you switch that off for a minute?"

Sam grinned at her. "Why switch it off when we've got a pause button?" He paused his programme and put his arm around Alicia. "What's up?"

"It's the living arrangements," said Alicia. "I love having Lily here and I think it's great for Charlie to have Luke here. Even though they're both pretty miserable, it's nice having guests."

Sam looked confused. "Then what's the problem?"

Alicia sighed. "I kind of feel like I'm taking sides. I'm friends with Ethan as well as Lily and even though I don't see him much now, I really respect Dylan. He really helped me a lot when I was at Holby."

"Have you spoken to them about it?" said Sam, as he played with her pink-tipped hair. "Lily and Luke, I mean."

"I've spoken to Lily about it every day," said Alicia. "But she's determined not to speak to Ethan. I don't know Luke quite as well, but I think I'm going to have to say something if this goes on much longer."

Sam hugged her closer to him. "To be honest, babe, I'm not sure what else you can do."

"Well, I was thinking…" said Alicia.

Sam groaned. "Why do I get the feeling this is a very bad idea? Come on, Ali. Tell me the worst."

"I was thinking maybe we could have a dinner party and invite Ethan and Dylan."

* * *

Ethan raised a hand to ring Alicia's doorbell but let it drop by his side. He closed his eyes, squeezed his hands into fists and called himself a few choice names before trying again.

This time, he succeeded, but he was filled with the unaccountable urge to run away. It wasn't like him. He got scared a lot more often than anyone realised, but Cal was the one who always ran away.

Sam opened the door. He smiled at Ethan, then looked wary. "Hey, Ethan, mate."

"Um, hey. I was wondering, um, if I could possibly see Lily, please," said Ethan.

Sam hesitated, then stepped back and motioned Ethan into the house. "Come in. She's just in the living room."

As Ethan walked down the hall, he heard Lily's voice. "I don't want to see him, Alicia! Why can't you understand that?"

Her words filled Ethan with pain, but at the same time, it was so good to hear her voice again.

He pushed open the door. "Lily. Hey. Um, how are you?"

"Much worse since I saw you," said Lily coolly.

Alicia gave her a reproachful look. "Come on, Lily. Give him a chance."

"Why should I?" said Lily. She stood up and walked to the door. "Excuse me."

Ethan didn't move. "Lily, please tell me what I've done. I really have no idea and I miss you so much. I can't manage without you. I'm struggling at work; I'm struggling at home… Cal's still upset and I'm worried about Matilda and I can't cope with being acting clinical lead, but most of all I just want you back, Lily, because I love you with all my heart. Please tell me what's wrong. I'll do anything to make it right."

"Anything?" said Lily.

"Anything," whispered Ethan.

Lily's expression was cold. "Then please move out of my way so I can pick up our son from school."

* * *

Dylan K smiled as Dylan opened her eyes. "Hello, Dylan. It's Dr… I mean it's Dylan. I'm afraid your mum isn't here yet, but she's on her way."

"Hi, Dylan." Dylan looked pale and sleepy, but she was smiling. "It's nice to see you. Thanks for coming to see me."

"I... I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up. Er… how are you feeling?"

"Tired," said Dylan. "But still pretty talkative, I'm afraid. I was a bit shivery when I first came round, but I'm okay now. And I still feel a bit annoyed they gave me a general anaesthetic. I had a laparoscopy and I really wanted to watch."

Dylan K found he was smiling. "That doesn't surprise me! But there will be other opportunities, Dylan. You wouldn't have had a very good view anyway. Did your doctor tell you how to look after yourself while you're recovering? Assuming you didn't read up on it whilst waiting for the ambulance."

Dylan laughed. "Oh, Dylan, you know me so well! I actually knew already, but I thought there was no harm in checking. The anaesthetist said I mustn't drink and drive for forty-eight hours. I said I wouldn't have thought that was advisable at any time, particularly not for a fifteen year old." She sighed. "He tried to explain what he meant. It is annoying when people take jokes seriously, but I suppose they can't help it."

"I must admit I'm not very good with jokes," said Dylan K.

Dylan smiled. "That's okay. You're great as you are. How's Luke?"

Dylan K had the interesting sensation of soaring happiness at the unexpected and unusual compliment, followed by a complete drop in his mood. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" said Dylan, concerned. "Dylan, what's wrong?

"He's not actually living with me at the moment," said Dylan K.

* * *

Matilda's legs were shaking and she was grateful for Cal's arms around her as they left the car. She looked up at Cal's house and had a feeling she liked it, but she couldn't work out why. All she knew was that she was scared and she wanted Cal.

Cal kept one arm around her as he unlocked the door, then he helped her into the house. "Here we are, darling." He shut the door behind them. "Now you're completely safe. No-one knows you're here." They walked into the living room and Cal helped Matilda to the sofa. "I'll make you some tea."

"No!" Matilda called out in a panic as he started to walk away from her. Her whole body was trembling now and the tears were starting in her eyes. "Don't leave me, Cal. Please don't leave me." Cal at once sat down beside her, but Matilda, horrified by what she'd said, put her arms over her head to protect her. "I'm sorry, Cal. I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"Matilda, it's okay." Cal looked upset too, she realised, but not angry. He gently moved her arms away from her face and put his arms around her. "Come here, sweetheart. It's okay. You didn't say anything wrong at all. You've obviously been through something terrible and it's natural that you don't want to be alone."

"It's not terrible," said Matilda shakily. "They said they were nice."

Cal looked even more upset. "Who's 'they', Matilda? Can you tell me what they said to you?"

Matilda thought about telling him. She imagined how shocked he'd be and how tightly he'd hold her. The promises he'd make that he'd keep her safe forever.

But she'd told other people and their response had always been the same. They didn't believe her.

What if Cal didn't believe her either?


	26. Chapter 26

_Sorry, there's a lot of crying in this! Even by my standards._

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I think Cal is half-thinking of Matilda as a baby, but I'm glad both he and Dylan K are coming across as being sweet and not creepy! I'm afraid Lily won't tell Ethan just yet... Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It might take Tilly a while to tell him, but he's trying to be there for her. Ethan does need to find out what's wrong with Lily - even if it's not from Lily herself. I'm so glad you're still reading and enjoying.

 **Applealice10** , it can be difficult suggesting ideas to writers as often they'll already have planned or even written the story, but I'm really grateful if someone wants to contribute - and your ideas really are great and they fit with mine. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Lofty tapped lightly on the door and opened it. He hated having to do this when Dylan's mother hadn't arrived yet, but he didn't see what choice he had. "Dylan, Dylan, I'm really sorry to interrupt, but there's been a major RTC and we're seriously short of doctors. Lily's still off sick and Cal and Ethan have disappeared."

"Disappeared?" said Dylan K. "They're probably just having a break."

"They're not in or near the ED and they're not answering their phones," said Lofty. "Apart from you, the only available doctor is Ella. There are locums on the way, but whether they'll get here in time…"

Then a voice spoke from the bed: weaker than usual and perhaps a little slower, but as usual, straight to the point. "You could try phoning Ariana's mum. Zoe Walker. She's a consultant and she knows the doctors and the hospital better than any locums… I get the impression she'd love to come back."

Dylan K's face lit up. "That's a very good idea, Dylan. Ben, please do that. You could try texting Cal, Ethan and Lily too – they might read a text. And I think Ella said her dad's staying with her at the moment. He works in the ED at The Heath in Cardiff, so he might be able to help."

Lofty went off to do Dylan K's bidding, feeling slightly more hopeful. The ambulances were ten minutes away and even if they could get just one consultant back, it could make all the difference.

* * *

Cal handed Matilda some tea (having stopped himself just in time from heating up some milk) and sat beside her. "How are you doing now, Toad?"

Matilda's mouth dropped open. "I'm sorry: what did you call me?"

Cal was aghast. He still thought of Matilda as his little Toad, but perhaps it wasn't the most obviously-affectionate nickname. "I called you… 'Tild'," he said. "I love the name Matilda – it was my mother's name – but I was wondering if you had a short form."

"My friends call me Tilly," said Matilda, her voice still a bit shaky. "I like that. My parents call me Mattie, but I… I don't think that's really me."

Cal didn't miss the shudder as she mentioned her parents. He felt anger, pain and protectiveness all at once. "I don't think it's you either. Neither is Tild, really. But you won't mind if I call you Tilly sometimes?"

"Of course I don't mind," said Matilda.

"Tilly," said Cal, and put his arm around her. He loved her so much. She'd grown up so sweet, so beautiful, so kind, so clever… "I know it's hard for you, but if there's anything wrong, I hope you can tell me because I care about you and I want to… sorry, Tilly." A text had come in. He'd already had a phone call from Lofty, which he'd rejected. "I'd better read this."

He groaned when he read it. A major RTC… Ethan missing… Cal knew he should go back.

But he couldn't. His daughter needed him.

Cal wrote a quick reply. _Sorry mate. Family emergency. Hope everything's ok_

Then he turned back to his precious baby girl.

* * *

Ethan closed his eyes, feeling the tears spilling onto his cheeks. He started to slide down the wall, but someone took his arm.

"Come on, Ethan," said Alicia. "Come and sit down for a bit."

"I should go," Ethan wept quietly. "I'm sorry."

But Alicia had got her arm around him and was manoeuvring him into the living room. "Sit down, Ethan. Sam babe, why don't you go away and give me and this gorgeous guy some privacy?"

Sam gave Ethan a quick pat on the shoulder and left, closing the door behind him. Ethan's phone started to ring and he pulled it quickly from his pocket, but it wasn't Lily. It never was.

He took off his glasses and let Alicia give him a hug which, for once, he wanted.

"I'm so sorry, Alicia," he said when he finally lifted his head from her shoulder, gratefully accepting a tissue and blowing his nose. "I just don't understand what I've done and I miss her. Our house… our office… our bed… everywhere feels so empty without her. All I want is to find out what's wrong and put it right."

Alicia stroked his arm. "We'll talk to her again when she gets back. Don't worry. I'm not giving up on you two, and you mustn't either. Okay?"

"Okay," sad Ethan mechanically. A text arrived and he snatched up his phone again, but it wasn't from Lily. His eyes filled again, but he read the text anyway and quickly stood up, scrubbing at his eyes. "I'm sorry. I've got to go back to work. They need me."

"Ethan, you don't really think you're in any condition to work?"

* * *

Ella knew she couldn't do it.

She knew Lofty would understand. He understood everything. He even understood about her PMS and how many men understood that?

But he'd have to tell everyone else and Ella couldn't bear that.

She wiped away a tear and felt a hand on her arm.

"Ella, what's wrong?" said Rita.

She sounded so kind. Ella found herself crying, unable to stop. "They want my dad to come and help."

"But that's not possible, is it?" said Rita gently, and Ella shook her head, more tears falling. Rita squeezed her arm. "Would you like to tell me about it?"

Ella had promised Ash not to tell anyone, but she didn't know what else she could do – and she didn't want to keep the secret anymore. "My dad hasn't worked in a hospital since he left Holby. He tried a few other jobs, but he couldn't cope for long. As soon as something serious happened – and eventually it always did – he had to quit." Her sobs intensified. "The only hospital he's been in is a mental hospital…"

Rita's arms were around her, holding her tightly. "I'm sorry, Ella. I'm so sorry."

* * *

Lily almost ran to the car, wanting to put as much distance as possible between her and Ethan. She drove slightly faster than usual to the school, ignoring a phone call she got on the way.

She walked through the crowds of children enjoying their lunch break and went into the building, going straight to the office where Caleb was waiting with the secretary. "Hi, sweetheart. How was your day?"

She realised with a jolt that Caleb's face was tearstained. "When are you coming home, Mummy? I miss you"

"I don't know," said Lily guiltily. She missed the children so much. She also missed Ethan. Even Cal. But she couldn't go back. "We'll have a nice afternoon together today. We'll go down to the lake and feed the ducks."

They were just getting into the car when Lily got a text from Lofty, explaining they were short of doctors.

Again, Lily felt a rush of guilt, but she knew she couldn't do it. For one thing, she couldn't leave Caleb.

For another… she couldn't go back into that hospital knowing they didn't really want her; that they never had wanted her. She should have known that from the start. There had been no letter inviting Lily to apply. Lily was just the second-choice… or perhaps even less than that. Cal and Dylan were more experienced than she was, but they hadn't wanted the job.

Lily was the last-resort. Or perhaps just a stop-gap until Ethan realised how incredible he was.

She'd been so proud to be given the job; to be chosen ahead of such amazing candidates, but she'd just been the only one left. Better than nothing but that was all.

"Mummy, are you okay?" said Caleb.

"I'm fine," said Lily. She blinked back tears, started up the engine and drove away.

* * *

Zoe sat on the edge of her daughter's bed, stroking Ariana's hair.

Ariana wasn't crying. Zoe almost wished she was. This stillness with the wide, staring eyes was unnatural and it frightened Zoe. She wished Max would come home, but his lunch break would be over by now and although Max had showed no further signs of wanting to leave, there was a distance between them.

When Lofty phoned, she instantly panicked. "Lofty, what's happened?"

Lofty's voice was calm. "Hi, Zoe. I'm just phoning to let you know there's been a major RTC and-"

"Oh my God! It's Max, isn't it?" Zoe was trembling. Beside her, Ariana blinked and moved her head slightly.

"No, no, nothing like that!" said Lofty quickly. "But we're really short of doctors. Lily's off sick; Cal and Ethan have gone AWOL; Dylan's struggling and apart from him, all we've got is Ella, who's just been in floods of tears. I don't suppose you could come in and help?"

For a long time, Zoe couldn't speak. She felt Ariana hugging her. "You want me to work as a doctor?" Zoe managed at last.

"Yes," said Lofty. "Please, Zoe. We need you."

Ariana sat up, her eyes bright. "They want you to work at the hospital?"

"I'm sorry, Lofty," said Zoe firmly. "I can't. Ariana needs me."

"No, you should go," said Ariana. "This is what you want to do. I know it is. I know you gave it up for Dad, but you can't give it up for me. Please. I'm not worth it."

"I'm sorry, Lofty, but I've been away for five years and my priority is my family now," said Zoe.

Ariana grabbed the phone from her. "She's coming, Lofty! You're going, Mum. I'll go with you if I have to, but you can't give up this opportunity for me! You just can't!"

* * *

"You want to come here?" Lofty sounded startled.

"You say you need doctors –I'm a doctor. Ethan's in no state to work and I can't see Lily agreeing. So what do you say?"

"I say yes, please, Alicia!"

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Matilda rested her head against Cal's shoulder and felt his strong arms holding her. Nobody had ever held her like that before. Not as far as she remembered. But it felt so familiar; so right at the same time.

She felt more tears falling and heard Cal's exclamation of concern as he tilted her chin upwards.

"It's okay, darling. I'm here and you can tell me anything."

Matilda began to worry. "Cal?" she said in a small voice. "You know I'm grateful for everything you've done, don't you? I really am. I'm sorry if I didn't show it. Thank you for everything you've done."

Cal kissed her forehead. "Of course I know you're grateful, Tilly. I can see it in your eyes; hear it in your voice. And you're welcome, darling. Always."

"And you know I'd never do anything bad to you?"

"Matilda, you're not capable of doing anything bad," said Cal.

Matilda was reassured, then fearful. "But what if I am? What if you're wrong about me and I'm actually horrible?"

"I'm not wrong." Cal wiped her tears away with his thumb. "Matilda darling, why do you think you're bad and ungrateful? Did someone tell you that?"

Matilda gave a tiny nod and saw Cal's eyes darken with anger.

"Who was it?" he said.


	27. Chapter 27

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure Cal will do everything he can to ensure Matilda's parents get what they deserve - but after a lifetime of acting impulsively and seeing things go wrong, he's actually holding back for once! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you can see how much Cal cares - it actually feels odd to be writing a close relationship that isn't romantic - it's really good to know I'm doing okay.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I had to bring Zoe back to the ED! I was originally in two minds abount making Lofty so responsible, but then I saw last week's episode! It's scary to think what might have happened if Tilly didn't have Cal. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think there will be a lot of grizzling from Max! This story is getting a bit of a zoological theme - we already have a pig and a toad and this chapter has monkeys! I'm glad you like Cal and Matilda. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I was just going to bring Zoe back, but with Ethan, Lily and Cal's daughter all falling apart on the same day (and Dylan and Ella not in great shape), Zoe didn't seem quite enough! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I hope the next chapter lives up to your expectations. It will take me a while to get to your ideas as I have so many characters to deal with - I really hope you'll stay around till the end as I love your ideas and reviews.

* * *

It was strange to be back.

Zoe had been here since her retirement, of course, but only as the mother of a suicidal patient.

But this time, it was different.

She was working. She was going back to the job she loved.

Zoe felt happiness and excitement surge through her, but she didn't forget her daughter. Ariana looked tense and afraid, but her hands were relaxed at her sides; she wasn't digging her nails into her palms. Her face showed nerves but no sadness.

They walked up to the reception desk, jumping the queue.

"Hi, you must have come to see Dylan!" said Noel.

"Dylan?" said Zoe, inwardly panicking. Lofty had said Dylan was struggling, but clearly things had got a lot worse.

"She's doing good," said Noel. "She sent me a very polite note, asking me to keep an eye out for her mates. She does apostrophes and everything. I wish Honey could do apostrophes, but she thinks it's a medical condition."

Oh. _That_ Dylan. Not her friend but… oh God. Ariana's friend.

Ariana clutched Zoe's arm. "What's wrong with Dylan?" Her voice was high and unsteady.

"Oh, didn't you know?" Noel looked guilty. "Sorry. Dylan has undergone a successful appendectomy and she's fine. You can go and see her for yourself."

"Thank you," said Ariana. "I'll go right away. But my mum's not here to see Dylan. She's here to work."

Zoe heard the pride in her voice and her heart soared, even as she noted the surprise on Noel's face.

It had never occurred to wonder if Ariana was proud of her before.

* * *

It hurt Cal to see her struggle. He held her tightly and felt her trembling in his arms as she fought for the courage to tell the truth.

"I… I can't!" Matilda flopped back into his arms, tears falling.

"It's okay. You can tell me when you're ready," said Cal. He knew it might take a while, but that was okay. He would wait as long as it took.

But he wasn't going to let her go back home unless he was convinced she would be safe.

"I'm so sorry!" sobbed Matilda.

Cal took her face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "Tilly darling, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's your… it's the people who hurt you who should be sorry."

"I've told people before," wept Matilda. "They didn't believe me."

"But I believe you," said Cal. "I can see there's something wrong, Matilda. I can tell you're afraid. I can tell someone's hurt you. But even if I couldn't, I would believe you because you're my d… my friend and I know you wouldn't lie."

"But how can you trust me?" said Matilda. "Everyone says it's not true. Everyone says I'm bad. What if it's true and I don't know? What if I'm crazy? I really do believe everything I think has happened, but what if I made it up without realising?"

Cal felt his heart breaking. "Matilda, you didn't make anything up. This is really happening - or it was. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again. I promise."

* * *

Robyn stuffed more plastic bags into the storage space under the pram. Her arms and back were aching and so was her head, but Lofty was at work and so was Max.

She had to manage and had no idea why she couldn't.

"Archie! Stop that!" said Robyn, as she caught sight of her oldest son attempting to scale a lamp-post. "Riley, leave that car alone!" She moaned aloud as the car's alarm went off, wailing loudly and vibrating inside her head. Noah and Sienna started screaming along in unison while Ava clapped her hands to her ears and ran. "Ava, come back!"

There was another scream from Ava, followed by the screech of brakes. Robyn thought she might have screamed too. She let go of the pram and ran towards Ava, only to hear a crash behind her as the pram fell over backwards, off balance from the weight of Robyn's shopping.

"Hey, it's okay," said a voice, and she turned to see a man with brown hair. He was holding Ava tightly. "She's okay. Just frightened. It's okay, sweetheart. Go to Mummy and I'll sort out the pram."

Robyn clutched Ava to her chest, watching as the man righted the pram and held it with one hand as he patted Noah and Sienna alternately, making soothing noises.

"I think they're okay – probably just shaken up, but you can take them to the ED if you're worried." The man smiled at her, though he didn't let go of the pram. He turned to Riley. "Come on, mate. Leave that car alone and maybe I'll let you have a lift in mine. And you: put that lamp-post down before you hurt it."

To Robyn's amazement, both her older sons did as they were told.

The man looked at her again and his face changed. "I thought there was something familiar about you! It's Robyn, isn't it? Nurse Robyn from the ED?"

Robyn searched his face for signs of familiarity, but there were none.

The man laughed. "Don't worry. When I think of all the hundreds of patients you must have treated, I can't expect you to remember me. Are you still working there?"

"No, I left when I was expecting Ava," said Robyn. "Then, when I was thinking about going back, I realised Archie was on the way and… well, I'm sure you can guess the rest!"

"Does Dr Hardy still work there?" asked the man.

Robyn surprised herself by laughing. "We actually have two Dr Hardys – Ethan and his wife, Lily. She used to be Lily Chao, but that was a long time ago."

The man smiled. "I'm pretty sure the one I saw was male. Blond hair, glasses…"

"Yeah, that's Ethan," said Robyn. "And I don't know if you remember a nurse called Lofty? Brown curly hair? He's my husband."

"Lucky Lofty!" said the man.

Robyn felt herself blushing. It was a while since she'd had a compliment. "Oh, I don't know about that."

"Don't be so modest," said the man. "Listen, do you want to go and grab a coffee? You're probably all a bit shaken up and shopping can be thirsty work."

"Oh, there's really no need," said Robyn, but the man insisted and he seemed so nice. "Okay. Thanks."

They started walking. The man was pushing the pram and had somehow talked Riley and Archie into helping. "So, are you going to introduce me to your lovely family?"

"Well, this beautiful young lady whose life you just saved is Ava," said Robyn. "These two young monkeys are Riley and Archie and the twins are Noah and Sienna."

"It's nice to meet you all," said the man. "I'm Louis."

"It's nice to meet you too," said Robyn.

* * *

Lottie put her hand in Louise's and squeezed it tightly. "It must be so difficult, Louise. It's your house too so you should have a say in it, but you don't want to be the wicked stepmother – which I'm sure you couldn't be if you tried."

"Aw, thanks," said Louise. She couldn't quite believe she'd just told a fifteen-year-old all about her domestic dramas, but Lottie was so sympathetic and sweet.

"I'm not sure what I'd do if I was in your situation," said Lottie. "It's just so difficult. But I think I'd tell Honey directly."

Louise looked at her doubtfully. "Do you think that's the best way?"

Lottie backtracked. "Well, I don't know. I'm only fifteen: what do I know about marriage and stepdaughters? But if Noel talks to her, Honey will know you've been talking about her behind her back and that could annoy her even more."

Louise nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, you've definitely got a point there, Lottie. Thanks."

* * *

Matilda lifted her head from Cal's shoulder and wiped her eyes. "Sorry."

"For what?" said Cal gently. "You haven't done anything wrong, Tilly. You've had a terrifying experience. It's natural to be upset."

Matilda smiled and relaxed back into his embrace, but when her phone beeped, she panicked. "What if it's them? I'm scared, Cal. I'm so scared."

Cal stroked her hair. "It's okay, Matilda. You're safe here. Would you like me to look and see who the text is from? If it's not them, then you can relax. If it is, we can think about what we're going to do."

"Okay." Matilda pulled her phone out of her bag without looking at it and handed it to Cal.

"It's from Ariana," said Cal. "Do you want me to read it for you?" She nodded. "Okay. _Hi Tilly, just letting you know Dylan's_ …" He stopped and hugged Matilda more tightly, scanning the rest of the message. "Tilly, everything's fine now, but I'm afraid Dylan went to hospital with appendicitis."

Matilda, already on edge, burst into tears.

"Hey, shh, it's okay," said Cal. "Ariana says Dylan's fine and she's just saved the hospital from a major crisis, but she'd like to see you if you're free."

Matilda sniffed. "That does sound like Dylan. Saving the hospital from a major crisis."

"I'm looking forward to meeting her properly." Cal hugged her. "Matilda, if you don't feel up to going, that's fine. You've been through a lot today. But if you would like to go and see Dylan, we can go whenever you like."

* * *

Lily held Caleb's hand and watched as the last of the crust disappeared into the water. Several ducks converged upon it, but only one could be victorious. With one snap of a beak, the crust was gone and all the ducks were swimming away, leaving only a ripple on the water. But that was soon gone too.

She sighed softly and turned to Caleb. "Let's go back to Auntie Alicia's."

"I want to go home," said Caleb. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "I miss you, Mummy."

"I miss you too," whispered Lily, hugging him back.

"Then why won't you come home?" said Caleb. "Have I been bad?"

Lily's voice broke. "No, of course you haven't been bad!"

"Has Daddy been bad?"

"No," whispered Lily. "Neither have Daisy or Alice."

"Then why won't you come home?"

Lily tried to swallow her emotion. "Sometimes families have to live apart for a bit. That's all. Don't worry." She knew she'd explained it badly, but she didn't know what else to say. "Come on. Let's get back."


	28. Chapter 28

**Tanith Panic** , I'm glad it was one of your favourite chapters - I thought it was one of the worst! I think this one is terrible too, which could be a good sign! Louis was a bit of a knight in shining armour for Robyn. There are a few of those around Holby! I'm glad you like Dylan. Louise will be acting on Lottie's advice in the next few chapters. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like Matilda and Dylan - I enjoyed imagining how they might turn out, based on their parents. I think Caleb is probably quite like his dad! I felt mean writing that chapter, but I'm really glad it worked.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the way Matilda is being looked after by Cal. He instinctively knew what to do the first time they met and I don't think that's really changed.

 **ETWentHome** , I think it's very hard for Cal and it will be even harder when he hears the truth. At the moment he's stepping up and being really strong for her, but that doesn't mean he won't have his wobbly moments! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Matilda entered the room shyly. Dylan's mum, Chloe, was holding her daughter's hand. Ariana sat on her other side.

"Tilly!" said Dylan. "I'm glad you could come. Don't look so worried: I'm fine now."

Matilda walked up to the bed, giving Chloe an uncertain smile on the way. Her parents told her that Chloe didn't really like her, but they also said Chloe was straight really because she'd given birth to Dylan.

"Hey, Matilda," said Chloe. "Thanks for coming. How are you?"

"I-I'm fine thanks, Chloe." Matilda gave Dylan a very careful hug, then she hugged Ariana too so she wouldn't feel left out.

"Did you get here okay?" said Ariana. This was code for whether Matilda had had to sneak out or not.

"I was with Cal," said Matilda.

Ariana looked shocked but excited. Dylan just looked concerned.

"Who's Cal?" asked Chloe. "Someone special?"

"Very special," said Matilda.

"But not in the way you're thinking," Dylan told her mum with a smile. "Cal gives Matilda support and advice. He's a bit too old to be anything else!"

"Is Lottie coming?" asked Matilda.

Dylan shook her head. "Lottie needs to rest. I don't want her rushing down here with her bad shoulder."

"I still think you should let her know," said Ariana anxiously. "If you, Tilly and Lottie all met up somewhere and you didn't even tell me, I'd… well, you know what I'd do."

"I know," said Dylan gently. "But Lottie won't."

* * *

Alicia watched in awe as Zoe was transformed from a nervous locum to a competent doctor who took the lead with ease. If it wasn't for the improvement in her own abilities, Alicia could almost believe the last fifteen years had never happened.

As the last patient was moved from Resus to a ward, Zoe turned to smile at her team. "Well done. Good work, everyone."

Alicia smiled back, her exhilaration matching Zoe's. They'd saved every patient. They could easily have lost two or even three, but they'd all worked well, supported each other when necessary, and now they'd all gone, Alicia could see was feeling a buzz she probably hadn't experienced since she'd left.

"It's good to be back, isn't it?" said Alicia, almost gleefully.

"Brilliant!" said Zoe. "I hate to sound like I'm hitting on you, Alicia, but do you come here often?"

Alicia laughed, then lowered her voice. "No, it's a long story which I'll tell you later if we get time, but I heard you were short of doctors and I didn't think Lily and Ethan would be up to it." She looked over at Ethan as she spoke and the smiles on both women's faces dimmed.

"Yeah, I was worried about Ethan," admitted Zoe. "But he did well. He was completely professional. But now..."

Now, the determination on Ethan's face had been replaced by abject misery.

"I'd better…" Alicia signalled discreetly in Ethan's direction. "But it was great working with you again, Dr Hanna. Sorry, I mean Dr Walker."

Zoe smiled. "I think we can make it 'Zoe' now. After all, you're the consultant. I'm just the very unofficial locum! That's a long story too." She touched Alicia's arm. "Maybe we could catch up in the pub later?"

Alicia gave her an impulsive hug. "That would be great, Zoe!"

* * *

"Oh, dear," said Robyn worriedly. "I don't think we'll all fit around one table."

Louis smiled easily. "Then we'll push two together. Come on Archie and Riley: you look like strong young men. You grab the other end of this table and push; I'll pull."

"I'm strong too!" said Ava, who seemed recovered from her shock too. "Don't be sexist, Louis!"

Robyn glanced at Louis. "I'm sorry. I would ask them to call you Mr, but I don't know your last name!"

"Louis is fine," he said. "And Ava – you're absolutely right. Girls are just as strong as boys and quite possibly a lot cleverer. You can come and help me with this end."

Robyn knew that Louis was doing all the work, but he didn't make it obvious, thanking Ava, Archie and Riley for their help.

"Louis, are you a racing car driver?" asked Riley, once they were seated at the table.

Louis laughed and shook his head. "I'm not, but that would be a great job."

"I'm going to be a racing car driver when I grow up," said Riley. "I'm going to have a big car just like yours."

"That's brilliant!" said Louis. "I'll have to come and watch you. What do you want to be, Archie?"

"A plumber!" said Archie. "So I can stick my hands down people's toilets!"

Robyn felt a bit embarrassed, but there was a spark of definite amusement in Louis' eyes, though he kept his voice serious.

"That's a very important job, Archie," he said. "I couldn't do without toilets. What about you, Ava?"

"I want to be a nurse like Daddy. He's a really important nurse."

Louis smiled. "I'm sure you'll be a really important nurse too."

"So what do you do, Louis?" asked Robyn.

"I'm actually... between jobs at the moment," said Louis. "I did have a job – not a great job, but it paid the bills – but then my dad got ill and I had to take care of him."

"I'm sorry," said Robyn. There was something in Louis' eyes that told her his dad was no longer with them – she'd learned to recognise the signs - but she knew better than to admit she knew.

"He's been gone a few months now," said Louis, "but I just haven't got my act together yet."

"That's understandable," said Robyn with a sympathetic smile. "It can take time."

Louis gave a grateful look. "I suppose you're right. But let's talk about something happier. Okay, Ava, Archie, Riley: I need a new job. What do you think I should be?"

"A RACING CAR DRIVER!"

* * *

"Hi! How are you?" said Zoe, once she'd got Dylan alone.

Dylan's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What did Lofty say to you?"

Zoe lowered her voice. "He said that all the doctors were either missing or struggling."

"Lofty says far too much," said Dylan.

"I'm not sure he does," said Zoe. She looked at him properly for the first time. He was older, yes, but he was still Dylan. The hair. The dress sense. The look in his eyes. "Oh, I've missed you, Dylan!"

The emotion in her voice surprised her, but apparently not Dylan. "You've missed the hospital too. You never should have left, Zoe."

"I had to be with Ariana," said Zoe.

Dylan nodded. "But you're important too, Zoe. You're not just a mum. You're a doctor."

"This is only a one-off," said Zoe. "I only came because the hospital really needed me."

"The hospital still needs you," said Dylan.

Zoe felt the beginnings of hope – but she squashed it back down. "You've already got four consultants here, Dylan."

"Only two the last time I looked," said Dylan. "Lily's on indefinite sick leave. Cal's completely disappeared. Even Ethan disappeared for half the day. I'm-"

"-you're doing your checklists again," said Zoe quietly.

"I was going to say I'm the only consultant who's been working all day," said Dylan. "I've even taken on acting clinical lead because Ethan was in such a state over it. But…" Dylan sighed. "You're right. I have been doing my checklists."

Zoe spoke seriously. "You need to stop doing that job, Dylan. You know what it did to you before and it's doing the same to you now."

"Then you'll come back?" said Dylan.

"Hey, that job didn't go so well for me either, you know!" said Zoe. "And even if they take me back as a locum, which I'm certainly not agreeing to, I'm sure they'd rather have an acting clinical lead who's actually worked at some point in the last five years."

"But who else is there?" said Dylan.

Zoe thought of Dylan's checklists, Ethan's tearstains and Cal's unscheduled absence. "How about Connie?"

"I think Mrs Masters has other things on her mind," said Dylan. "Besides, if she set foot in here, Grace would probably leave – and if there's one thing we need more than a clinical lead at the moment, it's a psychotherapist."

* * *

Cal smiled and pushed open the car door for Matilda. "In you get!"

Matilda didn't smile. She got into the car and stared straight ahead.

"Hey, what's up?" said Cal.

Matilda hesitated.

Cal leaned across and put his arm around her. "Matilda, you know you don't have to tell me anything. But if you do want to talk about it, you can. Okay?"

"Dylan called me to come to the hospital, but not Ariana or Lottie," said Matilda. "Ariana arrived before Ariana could call her. But if that's true, why didn't she phone Lottie?"

Cal rubbed her shoulder. "I expect she's worried about Lottie's injury."

"Going to visit your friend in hospital doesn't hurt your shoulder," said Matilda.

"Shoulders are actually used a lot more than you might think," said Cal. "When you have a shoulder injury, you really notice that. Almost any kind of movement can be actually pretty painful."

Matilda considered this. "Maybe. That makes sense. But you'd think she'd be more worried about Ariana than Lottie. Lottie's really gentle, but she's tough."

"How did Ariana find out about Dylan?" said Cal.

"She came to work with her mum and Mr Garcia on reception told her," explained Matilda.

 _What? Zoe was at work?_

"There: you see!" said Cal. "Dylan only wanted _you_. She thought three friends would be a crowd so she just picked one - and that was you. Ariana came by accident. Of course Dylan _said_ she was going to call her: how could she say anything else? But she wanted you because you're sweet and kind and sympathetic."

Matilda stared at him, a look of wonder on her face. "Do you really think that's possible?"

"I think it's very probable," said Cal.


	29. Chapter 29

**Tanith Panic** , thank you for review. This isn't one of my best either... so maybe everyone will love it! It's a bit worrying having such poor judgement though! Robyn will find out Louis' surname eventually... do you know what it is?

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the Cal & Tilly scenes - there's one more here and one that's just Cal. Zoe isn't in this chapter, but she and Max will both be in the next one.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - I'm so happy you liked the way Cal explained things to Matilda. Cal and Matilda will be in every chapter now and I'll try to put the Dylans in as much as I can.

 **Elsieleo** , I'm sorry I didn't update. I'm ill so I'm struggling a bit, but I will try to update again tomorrow. Thank you for your review - if things go as planned, Cal will find out more about Matilda's situation in Chapter 31.

* * *

Rita stroked Ella's arm as the young doctor cried.

"I didn't not tell you 'cause I'm ashamed of him," sobbed Ella. "I'm actually really proud of him. Everything was always a struggle, but he never gave up. He kept trying new things. He inspired me. He wanted me to be a doctor, but I didn't do it because I thought I wasn't good enough. That's the truth, Rita. It wasn't really me being rebellious. I just didn't believe I could do it."

"Sometimes it's not the right time," said Rita. "Not all of us here have always worked in a hospital and there are all kinds of reasons for that."

"But then I saw him fighting to get better and I wanted to be a fighter too," sniffled Ella. "I wanted to stop being afraid of failing. So I like, went for it."

"And you succeeded," said Rita. Over Ella's shoulder, she could see Iain signalling to her, obviously thinking Rita was just having a chat with a mate. She lifted the arm that was around Ella and signalled for Iain to give her five minutes. He nodded, blew her a kiss and disappeared. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off, Ella? Go spend some time with your dad. He's come all this way to see you."

Ella shook her head. "You need me here."

"Ethan's back now," said Rita.

"Yeah, and we come out here in the cold 'cause he's crying in the staff room with Alicia!" said Ella. She lowered her voice. "Do you know what I reckon? I reckon they're having an affair."

"Who?"

"Dr Knight and Dr Hardy!"

"Ella, they're brothers!" said Rita. She hoped she'd be accepting if an incestuous couple did come to the ED, but Cal and Ethan could barely even get in each other's personal space without cringing.

"No, Dr Knight and Dr _Lily_ Hardy," said Ella. "What do you think? They've both disappeared and Dr Hardy's devastated!"

"I think you've been watching way too much TV," said Rita.

* * *

Matilda was having a lovely afternoon with Cal, but she knew it would have to end. Eventually, he would have to take her home and then everything would be worse than ever.

"Hey, what's up?" Cal squeezed her arm.

"I don't want to go home," admitted Matilda.

A look of concern crossed Cal's face, but he smiled. "That's fine. You can stay here with me."

"But what will Ethan and Lily say?" asked Matilda fearfully. Cal had told her it was their house. Cal was just a lodger and unpaid babysitter. At least, that was how he put it. Matilda was sure Ethan and Lily valued him very much.

"Ethan cares about you and he'll be happy for you to stay with us," said Cal. "Lily is staying with a friend at the moment, but I'm sure she'll understand."

Matilda wished she could believe that, but she couldn't. She could tell Cal liked her for now, but what would happen when he found out the truth?

"Damn!" said Cal suddenly. "Tilly, I'm so sorry, but I have to go and pick up Daisy and Alice."

"Who?" said Matilda, though she had a sinking feeling she knew already.

"My nieces," explained Cal. "Ethan and Lily's daughters. I've got a nephew too: Caleb. Named after me. They're all great kids." He smiled. "Just like you."

* * *

Honey tensed when she heard the door closing. It might be Noel, but it was a bit early. It was more likely to be that bitch he'd married.

"Honey?" called Louise in that fake sweet voice of hers. "Are you there, babe?"

Honey slouched out of her room and folded her arms. "What do you want?"

"Come and sit down and let's have a chat," said Louise.

Honey stayed where she was. "A chat about what?"

"It's about the living arrangements," said Louise. "I know Noel gave the impression you could stay as long as you liked and of course I understand that you need to stay somewhere until you… find your feet. But this is me and Noel's home, and… well, I'm sorry if this is blunt, but you can't just walk in here and expect it to be your home too."

"What's it got to do with you?" gasped Honey.

Louise's eyes flashed angrily. "Quite a lot, considering I actually live here!"

"I live here too!" said Honey. "My dad says I can live here and you can't do nothing about it!"

"I think you'll find I can do quite a lot," said Louise. "And what's more, I think you'll find your dad agrees with me. He just couldn't resist your ridiculously made-up puppy-dog eyes. But I can. Honey, you're forty years old, for God's sake! Isn't it about time you grew up and stopped scrounging off whatever man is stupid enough to let you!"

"Hey!" said Honey. "I'm thirty!"

Louise gave her a disbelieving look. "Yeah, you were stripping in those clubs at fourteen, were you? Actually, you probably were!"

"And who are you calling a scrounger?" said Honey belatedly. "Everyone knows you only got with my dad because no-one else would have a moody, hard-faced bitch like you. How old are you then, Louise? Fifty? And I'm actually being kind! Haven't you heard of a face lift?"

Louise advanced on her. Honey ran for the door – just as Noel walked in.

Honey burst into tears. "Dad, she called me a scrounger and a slapper and she says I look like I'm forty and she don't want to spend another night under one roof with me, but I don't have nowhere else to go!"

* * *

It was always difficult getting a word alone with Rita at work. Even when they managed to arrange to have their breaks at the same time, something always seemed to happen. First, Rita had been comforting Ella; then Iain's radio had cracked into life just as his lips had been about to connect with Rita's.

Now, finally, they were together again. "I'm worried about Alfie," said Iain, before Rita could kiss him. Unfortunately, kissing Rita was a sure way of ensuring they were interrupted.

"Yeah," said Rita, with a sigh. She moved away from him, leaning back against his arm. "He won't talk to you either?"

"Not a word," said Iain. "But it's not just us he's not talking to. I don't know if Alicia had a word with you?"

Rita looked slightly annoyed. "How come Alicia knows more about our son than we do?"

"Rita…"

Rita sighed. "Okay. You're right. It's not important. No, she didn't talk to me, but we never got a moment alone."

"I don't know if you know, but Luke's staying at Alicia's at the moment," said Iain. "Charlie's asked a couple of times if Alfie can come over and Alicia and Sam said fine. But he's never actually gone."

Rita looked perturbed. "That's not like Alfie."

"I know," sighed Iain. "So who's going to talk to him this time? You or me?"

* * *

Dylan K sat down beside Dylan's bed. "I can't stay long. I have to get back to work and you should be resting."

"I am resting," said Dylan. "I find talking to doctors relaxing. Besides, I had an idea and I wanted to tell you about it."

"An idea?" said Dylan K suspiciously. "If this idea involves you getting out of bed…"

Dylan laughed and shook her head. "Absolutely not. I promise. I might find bed-rest boring, but I can see the benefits in this case. I was thinking about Luke."

Dylan K lowered his head and sighed. It shouldn't really have surprised him and he appreciated her concern, but he'd been trying so hard not to think about him.

"I'm sorry," said Dylan, more gently. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Dylan K could have left it at that, but he had to admit he was curious – and he was certainly out of ideas, himself. "I would actually be... grateful for any help you could give me."

"Then I'll try my best," said Dylan. "I think Luke needs to talk to someone, but he won't want to talk to you because you're family." She smiled. "Teenagers of both sexes can be funny about that: if you've ever got a normal conversation out of him, you're pretty lucky. He won't talk to Charlie or Alfie because they're teenage boys and they won't discuss anything that can't be communicated in grunts. But one type of person a teenage boy would usually fall over himself to talk to is a teenage girl."

"Are you offering to talk to him for me?" said Dylan K.

"I'd be very happy to try," said Dylan.

"Then that would be very-" Dylan K stopped. "Dylan, you don't still think Luke's accident is your fault, do you? Because it's not. Not at all."

"I still think it might be, but I'd want to help anyway," said Dylan. "Luke's a nice lad – and so are you."

Dylan K surprised himself by laughing. "Thank you. No-one's called me a lad for a long time - and I'm called 'nice' even less often."

"Just because people don't say something, it doesn't mean it isn't true," said Dylan.

* * *

Cal had never worked so hard on making his bedroom look neat. The floor was clear and there was nothing on the bedside table apart from the bedside lamp, some tissues and a spare alarm clock. He'd put a pink blanket on one side of the bed; a nightie and dressing gown belonging to Lily under the pillow and arranged some of Ethan's books on a gap on the bookshelf.

It looked good and actually more inviting than his bed usually did, but he felt there was something missing.

Once he realised what it was, he froze for a moment, unsure if it was a good idea or not, but a moment later, he was opening his wardrobe and pulling out the piles of clothes and magazines he'd hastily shoved in there to make the floor tidy for Matilda. Right at the back of the wardrobe was a tiny box.

Cal opened it and looked at what was inside, fighting back a sudden rush of tears as he usually did, but this time, they weren't entirely tears of sadness. The bootees would be of no use to Matilda now. Neither would the little bonnet. But the pink cuddly toy…

Cal carried it to the bed and placed it on top of the covers. He looked at it for a moment, then tucked it in. He didn't even know if Matilda liked cuddly toys – or even, he realised, if she liked pink – but it was hers and it seemed right that she should have it.

He put everything back in the wardrobe again and went to find Matilda and her cousins.


	30. Chapter 30

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you think Cal is sweet. I'm sure he'll do everything he can for Matilda - but she's not his only concern at the moment.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you enjoyed the cat fight - I like a good cat fight too (when it's fictional), but I was hoping it would be funny and I thought physical violence would ruin that. Besides, I've written too much violence recently! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I really don't think Noel knows what to do! It's a really difficult situation. I'm disappointed that Cal seems to have forgotten about Matilda in the series, but 'my' Cal never forgot her. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I really wanted to show that Cal had never forgotten Matilda. I love Rita and Iain too. I'm sorry the Zax scene is so short - the chapter was too long so I put half the scene in the next chapter.

 **Applealice10** , and now it's updated again! I'm afraid there isn't any little Dylan in this chapter as there wasn't room for her, but they'll be together in the next chapter. But there is some Cal and Matilda - I hope you enjoy it Thank you for your review.

* * *

If Noel hadn't known this was his house, he'd have thought he'd just walked into a brawl – though on the whole, drunk guys in pubs were a lot more polite.

He put his arms around Honey. "What's going on, Louise?"

"Exactly what she said," said Louise. "Give or take a few insults from Honey."

Noel didn't want this. A nice night in front of the TV with his wife… that was what he wanted. Until Honey had returned, he'd been able to enjoy that almost every night.

"Aren't you going to do anything then?" demanded Honey tearfully. "That bitch just insulted me!"

Noel sighed and patted her back. "Louise. If you've got a problem with Honey, why don't you just talk to her?"

"I was talking to her!" said Louise. "I explained what we discussed about Honey not living with us forever and she completely flipped."

"I don't know what I've done!" Honey wailed into Noel's shoulder. "I'm heartbroken and I need my dad."

Noel stroked her hair. "I'm here, Honey. Why don't we all sit down and talk about it properly?"

"I don't think it's going to change anything," said Louise. "The fact is I don't like her and she doesn't like me."

Honey howled even more loudly. "Why don't she like me, Dad? I've only ever been nice to her. I even offered her a free non-surgical face lift – it's brilliant for saggy skin."

Noel cringed slightly. Honey was a kind, sweet girl, but she did lack tact sometimes. Not that Louise did have saggy skin. "Louise, you mustn't say things like that."

"This is our home, Noel!" said Louise.

"I know it is," said Noel. "But Honey is my daughter."

"She's just jealous," said Honey. "She don't want to share you and she wishes she looked like me."

Louise snorted. "Do me a favour. Why would I want to look like mutton dressed as lamb?"

"Louise!" gasped Noel, as Honey started to cry again. "Come on, love. Let's go and sit down. Louise, maybe we could have some privacy?"

"Noel, what's wrong with you?" said Louise. "Can't you see what she's doing? She's trying to turn you against me."

"I'm not doing nothing!" cried Honey.

Noel hugged her. "Of course not, love. It's okay. I expect Louise has just got… the menopause or something."

He really thought for a moment that Louise was going to hit him.

* * *

Cal took Matilda's hand and led her upstairs. "So, are you ready to see your new bedroom?"

 _My new bedroom..._ Matilda loved the way those words sounded.

Then reality intruded and her eyes filled with tears. "I can't, Cal. I'm so grateful for everything you've done, but I don't deserve it."

"Of course you do. And I'm going to keep saying that till you believe me." Cal pushed open one of the doors. "Go on."

Matilda stepped inside. It was clearly a man's bedroom, but she noted the pink blanket on the bed and the pink dressing gown sticking out from under the pillow and… she stood still for a moment, unable to believe it, then ran forward and picked up the toy from the bed.

It felt soft and familiar in her arms and she hugged it tightly, never wanting to let it go.

"You like it?" said Cal. His voice sounded odd, like he was trying not to cry.

Matilda nodded, unable to speak at first. "I don't understand it. I know I can't have seen it before. But maybe I had one just like it. Maybe before I was adopted?"

"Maybe you did," whispered Cal.

Matilda turned, the toy still in her arms, and ran back to Cal. "Thank you!"

Cal hugged her. "You're welcome, darling."

"I love it," said Matilda. "I love the toy. I love the room. I love y…" She stopped. She couldn't say that. Even though it was true. She knew Cal cared about her, but he couldn't love her. No-one ever had. She felt her tears soaking into his shirt. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I just feel so… I don't even know. But I'm not sad. I'm so happy to be here and so grateful."

* * *

Dylan K told himself there was no reason to feel awkward. All he was doing was saying goodbye to a patient before he went home. There was nothing odd about that – and even if there was, he'd probably done much odder things.

"You off then, Dylan?" said Lofty.

"Yes," said Dylan K. "I think so."

"Me too," said Lofty. "I'm just dreading to see what kind of mess Robyn and the kids have-" He stopped. "Are you okay, Dylan?"

"Do you think…" began Dylan K, only to stop. "No. It doesn't matter."

"No, tell me," said Lofty.

"I was wondering if I should say goodbye to Dylan before I go home."

Lofty smiled. "I think she'd like that. She really seems to look up to you."

"Do you think so?" said Dylan K uncertainly. "If she does, she probably looks up to all doctors."

"Just go and see her!" said Lofty. "Or… I'll hug you!"

* * *

Lily kissed Caleb goodbye one last time and watched as Sam drove away, Caleb waving out of the window. She waved too and wiped away a tear. She missed him already. She missed them all.

She turned to see Alicia. "Lily, I'm sorry, but we need to talk, babe."

"Not now," whispered Lily, wiping away more tears.

"Yes, now." Alicia took her arm and led her into the living room. "I spoke to Ethan. After you left."

"What?" Lily stared at her in disbelief. "You mean you _told_ him?"

"No, of course not," said Alicia. "But he was so upset, Lily. He couldn't stop crying."

Lily felt something twang in her heart. "I couldn't stop crying either when I found out what he'd done."

Alicia stroked her hand. "I know, Lily. I know it's been a shock. But Ethan really loves you. He just wants to make things better."

"There's… nothing he can do," said Lily. She hated to think of Ethan being upset, but how did he think she was feeling? Did he really think she'd leave him if she had a choice?

"Then maybe you should try and make yourself ready?" suggested Alicia in a gentle voice. "He's barely coping, Lily. He just about managed in Resus, but after we'd finished, he went to the staff room and cried."

Lily's waves of guilt were replaced with confusion. "How do you know what Ethan was like in Resus?"

"Because I was there," said Alicia. "They needed more doctors. You were off sick, Ethan was very shaky and Cal's completely disappeared – which isn't exactly helping Ethan. So Zoe and I helped out."

Foreboding settled on Lily's heart. "Zoe?"

Alicia nodded. "She really misses the hospital, Lily. If someone gave her the chance, she'd come back in a second." She paused. "And... and so would I."

* * *

"Dad, you'll never guess what Mum did!" exclaimed Ariana, as she hugged Max.

Max hugged her back, his eyes seeking Zoe's, but she wasn't looking at him. "No. I don't think I can guess. Why don't you tell me, Zoe?"

He'd been suspicious ever since he'd seen the way Zoe was dressed. A designer dress, just like she used to wear to work. One of the dresses he'd bunched up around her waist on numerous occasions as he'd pushed her up against the door of the on-call room, her legs around his hips.

It had been so much simpler then.

"So, how was your _job interview_ , Zoe?" said Max.

Zoe lifted her head. There was an apology in her eyes at first, but it was quickly replaced by fire. "There wasn't an interview. I got a call from Lofty. The hospital was seriously short-staffed – Lily, Ethan and Cal were off and Dylan was struggling. They needed consultants badly and Lofty thought it would be better to have at least one person in who knew the hospital rather than rely completely on locums."

"So, it came completely out of the blue, did it?" said Max. "This phone call from Lofty? You hadn't _happened_ to tell him anything?"

"For God's sake, Max, he's your best mate!" said Zoe. "I hope you know I'd never go behind your back like that."

Max sighed. "That's the trouble, Zoe. I don't."

* * *

Matilda tensed as the front door was unlocked.

"Don't worry, Tilly," said Cal. "It's going to be okay. I'll explain everything."

He kissed her head and went out into the hall, only to stop when he saw Ethan. He was leaning against the door, his eyes closed.

"Ethan? What's up?" said Cal.

Ethan opened his eyes. They were swollen and red. "Nothing."

Cal shook his head. "It doesn't look like nothing to me."

Ethan didn't answer. He took a step towards the living room, but Cal blocked his path.

It was the wrong time to tell him. Completely wrong. But he didn't have a choice.

He would have loved to follow his usual route of staying quiet and hoping the problem went away – but Matilda wasn't a problem and he wanted her to stay forever. "Um… Ethan. Um… Matilda's… moved in."

Ethan went very still. "No," he said, his voice soft. "I didn't just hear that. You didn't just say that."

"Um… I think I did say it," said Cal.

Ethan was silent.

"She can't go back home, Ethan. She's not safe there. She's sleeping in my room and I'll take the sofa."

"No," said Ethan again. His legs were shaking. He seemed to realise this and went to sit on the stairs. "This isn't happening. It can't be happening."

Cal wanted to cry. Instead, he sat beside his brother. "What's wrong, Nibbles? What's happened?"

"I just… I can't… no." Ethan moved his hands wildly through the air. "I can't, Cal. I can't!"

Cal was at a loss, but then he remembered Matilda. He couldn't let her hear any of this. She was a child. "Why don't you go up to bed? I'll come up in a minute."

Ethan looked at him blankly as though he wasn't sure what bed was, but then his eyes darkened, his face filling with rage. "Where were you?" Ethan was almost shouting now. "Where were you, Cal?"

"I-" began Cal, but then he heard another voice behind him.

"Shall I go, Cal?" said Matilda, her voice trembling. "I'll go."

Cal jumped to his feet. "No, Matilda. You are not going anywhere. Ethan's just… tired."

"She's not coming home!" Ethan started to cry. "I asked her, but she won't come home."

"Oh, Ethan." Cal held out a hand to him, torn between the two people he loved most.

"I'll go home." Matilda was crying too. "You look after Ethan."

"No. I'm going to look after both of you!" said Cal.

He took Matilda's hand and she looked up at him in confusion. Cal led her to the stairs. He sat beside Ethan and Matilda, looking at him wonderingly, sat on the floor at his feet.

"You _both_ need me," said Cal, his voice shaking as he hugged them both. "This time, I'm not going to get it wrong."


	31. Chapter 31

_Obviously, this is set in a reality where Dixie returned from Cornwall and Rita was at least two months pregnant in February 2016..._

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'm also glad you liked the Cal, Ethan and Tilly scene because there are two more in this chapter!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure Cal will do his best not to break his promise. He always tried to do his best for Matilda before - though he did make a mistake in deciding to give her away. Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , I'm sure Cal will do his best to look after Ethan and Matilda. They both really need someone and there's only Cal. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm not sure Louise and Honey will be great at sensible conversations, but Noel isn't giving up yet! I hope Cal can look after Ethan and Matilda, but it won't be easy. Thank you for your very kind words!

* * *

Dylan K stopped outside Dylan's room and knocked on the door. "Dylan, it's Dylan. Can I come in? I've brought you a book."

"Then you can definitely come in!" said Dylan. "There's nothing to read in this hospital but women's magazines and they're frying my brains!"

"I'm sure they'd do exactly the same to mine," said Dylan K, as he went in. "I borrowed this from Dr Ashford. It's one of her textbooks. She's had a bit of a tough day or she'd have come to see you, but she hopes you enjoy it and perhaps you can explain cricothyroidotomies to her tomorrow. If you could teach her to pronounce it, that would be a start."

"I'm happy to explain them to Ella if she's being serious," said Dylan. "But I might be quite busy tomorrow. I've invited Luke and Charlie over."

"Thank you," said Dylan K. "I… appreciate it."

Dylan smiled. "I also had a word with Alicia and she's agreed to discourage Charlie from going."

Dylan K shook his head. "So it's 'Alicia', is it? Is there anyone left in the hospital with whom you're not on first-name terms?"

"Yes," said Dylan. "Dixie. Her first name's Kathleen – I don't think anyone's on first-name terms with her."

* * *

Ethan put his aching head in his hands. He was happy that Cal was helping Matilda, but between Lily's refusal to speak to him, embarrassing himself in front of Alicia not once but twice, and being completely useless at work, he'd had as much as he could take.

The other problem was that Cal probably hadn't realised that that inviting an underage girl who wasn't really a relative to live in his house and sleep in his bed could get him into trouble.

The door opened. "Sorry, Ethan," said a blurry shape with Matilda's voice. "Cal's got you some food, but his arms are full so he can't open the door."

"Thanks, Matilda." Ethan put his glasses on and tried to smile.

"You're welcome," said Matilda sweetly, as Cal shuffled through the door sideways, swearing as he walked into the door handle and then apologising to Matilda for swearing.

"Here you are, Nibbles!" said Cal, as Matilda closed the door. He handed Ethan a tray containing boiled egg and toast and a slice of the surprisingly-nice chocolate cake Daisy, Caleb and Alice had made to cheer them all up. The meal was completed with a glass of milk.

"Thank you," said Ethan, and started tapping at his boiled egg with the spoon.

"How are you feeling?" asked Cal.

"Embarrassed," admitted Ethan as he dipped a piece of toast in his egg. "Tired."

"You're already in bed, so you might as well get an early night," said Cal. He picked a couple of tablets up from the tray. "I got you some paracetamol if your head's still aching."

"Thanks." Ethan washed them down with some milk.

Cal sat on the bed and put his arm around Ethan. "I'm sorry it didn't go too well with Lily. And for bringing Matilda home. I had to do it, but I wish it hadn't been today."

Ethan dipped another piece of toast in his egg. "It's okay. Do you think… Lily…"

"Of course she'll come home," said Cal. "If she doesn't, I'll drag her by the hair! But she'll come home, Nibbles. I know she will."

* * *

Ariana buried her face in her knees on moaned. Then she sat up, banging her head violently against the wall.

"Now look what you've done!" Zoe shouted to Max, as she knelt down beside their daughter, catching her head in her hands. "It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay. Can you stop that for me? You haven't done anything wrong. Don't listen to Dad."

"What did _I_ do?" said Max. "You're the one who went off to work and left our daughter – our _sensitive_ daughter – on her own."

Zoe ignored him and stroked Ariana's hair. "It's okay, Ariana. It's okay."

"It's my fault, Dad," wept Ariana. "She didn't leave me. She took me with her. But it was my fault she went."

Max stared in surprise, then he went to Ariana's side and hugged her. "No, it's not your fault. You didn't force Mum to go to the hospital, did you?"

"Yes," whispered Ariana. "I told her to do it. I thought it was what she wanted."

Max looked furious, but to Zoe's relief, he held himself in check.

And suddenly, Zoe realised she was angry too. "Actually, Max, Ariana is right. It _was_ what I wanted and I loved it! I'm grateful to her for encouraging me to go. But it was my decision and I made it because I'm fed up with sitting at home. If it was actually helping Ariana to have me here all day, that would be different. It would be worth it. But it's not helping Ariana and it's certainly not helping me. Do you have any idea when I last felt that alive?"

Max stared at her for a moment, then he turned back to Ariana. "Come on, sweetheart. Do you think you can stand up?" Zoe started to say something else, but he held up his hand. "Zoe – just leave it. Our daughter's our priority now."

* * *

Lofty always entered the house with a sense of misgiving. He was looking forward to seeing Robyn and the kids, but he always dreaded that first moment of entering the house, knowing the carnage of his home could equal that of the ED.

The house was too quiet.

Where was the screaming and shouting?

Lofty looked at the floor to see what had been left for him to fall over this time, but it was clear.

The living room door opened and Robyn appeared. For a moment, he didn't recognise her. Her hair was loose, with curls tumbling over her shoulders. She was wearing her usual outfit of jeans and a t-shirt, but the shirt was clean and not crumpled.

It was as though they'd gone back to the first days of their marriage. "Where are the kids?"

"In bed," said Robyn. "I thought we could order a pizza. Just the two of us."

Lofty held her tightly, revelling the feel of her softness in his arms; the gentle swell of their next baby. "You do realise they'll wake up as soon as we take the first bite."

"I'm game if you are," said Robyn.

Lofty realised he was game for a lot more than just pizza.

* * *

Rita could tell something had happened. Alfie had actually said hello to her instead of his usual monosyllabic grunt and he'd even smiled, which he never did unless he was trying to cover something up or he wanted something.

She let him stomp off to his bedroom and followed him five minutes later with a bar of chocolate.

Alfie looked at it for a moment before taking it. "Obviously a bribe. But whatever. Never say no to chocolate."

"Alfie, what's wrong?" said Rita.

Alfie sighed. "Ariana was in hospital again today."

Rita stared at him. "Who told you that?"

"I don't know," said Alfie.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Alfie's lips clamped shut and she thought he wasn't going to tell her, but then he sighed again. "There's this twitter account that's in the school twitter group. No-one knows who it is, but they post gossip, mostly about people in our year, and usually, it's true." He looked almost desperately at Rita. "She didn't… succeed, did she?"

"Ariana didn't hurt herself at all," Rita reassured him. "Lofty asked Zoe to come in as we were short of doctors and Ariana came with her. As it happened, her friend Dylan was admitted with appendicitis, so she spent some time with her."

She saw Alfie's shoulders relax as his face filled with relief. "I'm glad that's all it was. The account did mention Dylan having appendicitis. And they said Matilda's run away from home and she's shacked up with one of the doctors."

Rita hesitated. "Matilda did come to the hospital to see Dylan and one of our consultants did give her a lift, but that's all." _Or that's all I'm telling my fifteen-year-old-son_. "Alfie, do you have any idea who this gossip person is? If it was just harmless stuff, it wouldn't matter, but it's not funny to post about people making suicide attempts."

"I don't know!" said Alfie. "But as it was focused on Ariana and her friends today, it's probably one of them, isn't it? I can't see Dylan or Lottie getting involved in that, but Matilda's always been a bit odd."

Rita noticed that he didn't mention his ex-girlfriend with a reputation for attention-seeking.

"And Luke and Charlie were at the hospital today too," said Alfie. "Luke had a follow-up appointment on his collarbone and Charlie went with him. Plus Charlie's mum was working there today so she might have given him some gossip. And Luke's brother was there too… and Ariana's mum… it could be so many people. It's doing my head in, Mum."

"Maybe it's worth speaking to the school about it," suggested Rita, but Alfie rejected this at once.

"No. There's no point. And they weren't being nasty: they just got it wrong." He gave a forced smile. "And Ariana's okay. That's all that matters, isn't it?"

* * *

Cal could hear screaming.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Caleb had quite a lot of nightmares. But it didn't sound like Caleb.

Cal raced up the stairs and met Ethan at the top. He didn't have his glasses on and he looked barely awake, but he managed to say two words. "Cal. Matilda."

"Thanks, mate." Cal patted his arm distractedly. "I'll deal with this. You go back to bed." He knocked on the door and opened it slightly, switching the light on. "Matilda? It's Cal."

Matilda was awake now and crying. Cal hurried into the room and hugged her.

"It's okay, darling. I'm here. You're safe now."

He rocked Matilda in his arms. She was trembling violently, but she didn't seem afraid of Cal. She clung to him tightly and hid her face in his chest.

"It's okay, darling. You just had a nightmare," said Cal. "But it's over and you're with me and I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Gradually, Matilda's sobs died down. She looked up at Cal, her face wet. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make a fuss."

Cal got a tissue and dried her tears. "Tilly darling, you did exactly the right thing. You should always let me know if you're frightened, even if it's a dream. I'll always be here to look after you." He kissed her forehead. "How about we go downstairs and I'll make us both a drink and we'll have a chat about anything you like."

"Okay," sniffed Matilda. "Thank you, Cal."

"You're welcome, Tilly."

At the door, Matilda stopped. She let go of Cal's hand, ran back into her room and picked up her cuddly toy. "Sorry, Cal. I'm ready now."


	32. Chapter 32

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Ethan, Cal and Tilly chapters - there's more of them here. Rita isn't pregnant on the show as far as I'm aware. I just meant that in order for my story to come true, she'd be pregnant now!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It is difficult for Matilda and there are more difficulties to come, but at least she's with Cal.

 **Tato Potato** , Cal coping with everything... that would probably be a first! But I'm sure he'll do his best for Ethan and Matilda. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm afraid Max isn't very nice in this story, but it was either him or Lofty... I'm sure Cal was joking about dragging Lily by the hair! He'd be much better off telling Lily what you said. I'm glad you like Cal and Matilda, but I never realised you had a heart like a brick! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - here's the next update for you! I'm afraid the Dylans aren't together in this, but they do talk about each other. I'm really glad you feel sorry for Matilda - but her troubles aren't over yet.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm really happy you like the Dylans' friendship - it's difficult because she's quite jokey with him and sometimes I have to delete bits because it sounds flirtatious! I love Cal's comforting side too. Zoe and Max do need to sort it out or I'll have to split them up and the Zax fans would never forgive me! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan sat awkwardly on the sofa, a few inches away from Matilda. He still had a headache and he hadn't forgiven himself for agreeing to take the day off. He couldn't take the day off just because Lily was gone. If anything, that was a reason to go to work: to cover for Lily!

Lily was spending the day with the children. Cal had phoned Alicia to tell her how much they missed Lily and she'd agreed it once.

The fact Ethan missed her too apparently meant nothing to her.

Ethan turned to Matilda, belatedly remembering Cal's instructions to talk to her. "So, you're not going home then?"

As an opening gambit it was weak, even by his standards.

A fearful look came into Matilda's eyes. She turned away from him and shook her head.

"Your parents might be worried to death about you," said Ethan.

Matilda gave a little intake of breath but said nothing.

"I mean, I'm worried to death about Lily and she's a grown-up," said Ethan. "She's staying with a family I know well and trust completely. But I'm still worried to death."

"I'm sorry," whispered Matilda. "Cal says she'll come back and Cal's right about most things."

Ethan had to laugh at that, but it sounded more like a sob. "How can Cal know? How can anyone know anything? I thought I knew Lily. I thought she was happy."

"It… it's not just you she'd run away from," ventured Matilda.

It was strange, but Ethan had almost forgotten who he was talking to. A child. Probably his niece. Probably an abused child. "Matilda, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't talk to you like that."

"I don't mind," said Matilda. "I was just thinking that she was running away from work too. So it might be work that's the problem?" Then a panicked look came into her eyes and she cringed away from him. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I won't say anymore."

Ethan saw her fear and felt ashamed of himself. Lily had broken his heart, yes. But she'd never hurt him in any other way. Cal had asked him to talk to Matilda and see if he could get her to talk about her family situation was so much more serious. She could be in danger. The last person Ethan should be thinking about was himself.

* * *

"Dylan? You all right?" said Lofty.

Dylan K turned to him with the words: "I'm fine!" already on his lips. But he couldn't say them. Not to Lofty.

"How does a doctor-nurse consultation sound?" said Lofty.

The first time he'd said it, Dylan K had thought it sounded slightly suggestive, but now, the words didn't give him any feelings but relief. "I don't know if I can do this, Ben."

Lofty didn't waste time asking what he meant. "You're doing a good job, Dylan. I know it's the last thing you wanted, but it's either you or Cal."

"Then why can't it be Cal?" said Dylan K, but he already knew the answer. Dylan had meltdowns sometimes, but at least he stayed in the hospital. When Cal got upset, you couldn't be completely sure he'd stay in the same country. "How can I be the sanest doctor in the department? What's wrong with that family, anyway? Ethan's wife leaves him and he completely falls apart. Repeatedly. My brother leaves and… and… I'm still here."

Lofty caught him in a bone-crunching hug. "He'll come home, Dylan. Didn't you say you've got Dylan Junior on the case? Do you honestly think he'd dare _not_ come home?"

Dylan sighed. "Is it too much to ask for my own brother not to hate my company?"

"He doesn't hate your company," said Lofty. "He just hates what you told him about his mum – and you didn't have a choice about telling him that. Just give him a few days. If Dylan doesn't have any luck, I'll have a chat to him."

"Would you?" Dylan K managed to extricate himself from the hug. "No. I can't ask you. You have your family."

Lofty smiled. "It's early days, but I'm thinking about not reducing my hours just yet. When I got home last night, I found the house tidy, the children asleep and my wife… well, I haven't had so much fun since the latest conception!"

"Yes, thank you, Ben. That's exactly what I wanted to know."

"But you do feel better, don't you?" said Lofty, unrepentant.

"Yes," said Dylan K, rather surprised. "I do."

* * *

"No!" said Chloe, when Dylan tried to get to her feet. "You stay right there, Dylan. Just be grateful I didn't make you stay in bed!"

"Yes, I'm sure it would give _completely_ the right impression if you let me entertain male guests in my bedroom," said Dylan.

"Cheeky!" said Chloe tolerantly and went to answer the door.

Dylan was tired and in a bit of pain, but she wasn't planning on telling anyone else that. She'd texted her temperature, pulse rate and blood pressure to her friends, but she didn't want to bother them with how she was feeling.

She heard voices at the door, then Chloe ushered in Luke. "Here she is. Dylan, a visitor for you."

"Hey, Luke," said Dylan. "Thanks for coming. Sit where you like. No Charlie?"

Luke sat awkwardly on a chair some distance away. "His mum made him tidy his room."

"From what I remember of Charlie's bedroom, that's a good idea," said Dylan, and sighed as Luke's eyes widened. "Oh, do grow up! All I mean is I've seen it. If I meant I'd slept with him in it, I'd have said so."

Luke gave a small smile. "Okay. So… how are you?"

"Temperature: 37 degrees," said Dylan. "Pulse rate: 72. Blood pressure: 131/80. Pretty much normal really. You'd think if you have to go through an appendectomy, you could at least get some interesting readings."

"But it's better to be normal," said Luke. "Isn't it?"

"Yes, if you also want to be boring," said Dylan. "Speaking of normal people, I met your brother."

Luke tensed. "There isn't anything normal about him." He gave a nervous smile. "He's even got a girl's name."

"Are you flirting or just ignorant?" said Dylan.

Luke blushed. "I…. um…"

Dylan smiled. "I was actually named after your brother. He delivered me."

"Oh," said Luke. He clearly didn't know what to say to that. "He's… seen you naked then."

Dylan rolled her eyes. "Yes, that was _exactly_ the first thing to cross my mind too."

Luke smiled. "Understandable really."

"Oh God. Someone _really_ needs to teach you about sarcasm," said Dylan.

* * *

Matilda wished she hadn't agreed, but Cal had been so insistent. Ethan needed time to himself, he'd said, and Matilda hadn't felt able to argue, even though it seemed to her that the last thing Ethan needed was to be on his own. He'd spent the whole time either trying not to cry or running off to use the bathroom or make more tea. When he returned, his eyes were always a little bit redder and Matilda hated herself even more for not knowing how to help.

She was fifteen, after all. Almost an adult. She ought to be able to look after people by now.

Maybe her parents were right and she didn't care about anyone but herself.

And now, here she was, walking into another situation she couldn't cope with: a restaurant meal with Cal.

Matilda hated restaurants. She was so clumsy and she could never remember which fork to use and almost always got it wrong. Even when she tried to second-guess herself, it was wrong, and even when she did get it right, she usually spoiled the effect by dropping at least one item of cutlery on the floor.

Cal parked the car and reached across to take her hand. "Tilly, don't be nervous! It's going to be fine. We'll have a lovely meal." He saw the tears in Matilda's eyes and hugged her. "What's wrong, darling?"

"What if I don't know which fork to use?" she whispered.

"Then you can ask me," said Cal. "I can't promise to get it right either, but I don't think it's that important. The important thing is that we enjoy the meal. You can eat it with your fingers if you like. You can stick your face in the plate for all I care! I'm not going to think any less of you."

Matilda found that hard to believe, but she relaxed a little bit. If Cal didn't mind her asking, maybe that part would be all right. "What if I drop things?"

"If it's food, leave it where it is and don't worry," said Cal. "If it's cutlery, tell me and I'll ask a waiter for another one. It's fine! I can't tell you the number of times I've dropped my fork." He smiled. "So, are you coming?"

Matilda still wanted to say no. She wanted to tell him how afraid she was; how she was too stressed to eat anything much anyway and her parents were so angry with her and the only reason she didn't finish her meal was because of how much angrier they'd been when she'd forced down every mouthful into her churning stomach and then had to run to the loos to throw up. They really seemed to think she'd done it on purpose, to be unkind. "I'm coming, Cal."

Cal gave her another smile and a hug, then they got out of the car. Matilda panicked because the restaurant door looked heavy and she didn't know whether to pull or push it, but Cal stepped forward to open the door for her. He pulled the door at first, then he laughed and pushed it instead. Together, they went inside.

Matilda found herself looking this way and that as she walked. It was habit. She didn't like to be seen by anyone she knew because she knew they would report back to her parents. Goodness knows what her parents would think if they knew she'd been to a restaurant with a guy who was in his thirties or forties.

And then she froze.

There they were. Just sitting there. Having a meal.

Her legs were shaking. She didn't think she could breathe, but none of that mattered. She just had to get out of here. Now.


	33. Chapter 33

_I hope you don't mind the name Matilda chooses for her toy. I couldn't think of another from the right time period that might mean something to her. If you don't like it, feel free to make suggestions as it could be changed! Thank you for all the reviews - they really do make me so happy._

 **Tanith Panic** , I surprised you? I'm happy! I like surprising people. I'm glad you think Cal is a sweetheart. And he's single too - our Dr Knight's a catch! I was just teasing you about Lofty, but I might take you up on your challenge of writing bad Lofty! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I love Dylan's friendship with Lofty - I'm really glad you like the way I write it. That's very true about Cal - and it's fair to say he's not entirely happy with Matilda's parents in this chapter.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. Cal loves Matilda and he'll do his best to help - but we know Cal doesn't always do the right thing when he's angry!

 **X-Sammii-X** , it would be awful if they hurt Matilda in front of Cal - he wouldn't necessarily think before he reacted! I'm glad you liked Luke and Dylan. I hope she's not being too mean, but she wants a reaction! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , it is quite a difficult situation for Cal and Matilda! I hope their next scene lives up to your expectations. Dylan had an appendectomy yesterday so she's reluctantly resting! But you've given me an idea. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Louise turned away as she walked past the reception desk. She didn't want to see the look on Noel's face. She didn't want to see Noel's face at all.

He'd tried talking to her when he'd come to bed last night, but she'd pretended to be asleep and with a huffy: "All right: forget it!" Noel had turned his back on her and gone to sleep.

Louise had lain awake for hours, which couldn't be good for her 'saggy skin'.

Honey had still been asleep when Louise had left, so that had been one blessing, but Noel had got up early and made his own breakfast (Louise could tell from the dirty plates in the sink) and he'd left for work not long after she'd got up. No words had been exchanged.

This had continued throughout the day.

Louise flounced to the nurse's station and was immediately asked by Rita, not for the first time today, if she was okay.

"Fine," said Louise.

Rita led her away from the others. "Come on, Louise. What's up?"

Louise sighed. "I had a fight with Honey last night. Noel's taken her side."

"And things aren't any better today?"

"Worse," said Louise. "He's not even speaking to me."

"Wait till your break," said Rita. "Then take him off to a quiet corner, explain your point of view calmly and clearly without losing your temper, and then see what he says."

"Like that's going to work," muttered Louise.

"It works with Iain," said Rita.

"Iain hasn't got a daughter," said Louise.

* * *

"Coming!" shouted Robyn. She always did that when someone knocked at the door, but she didn't know why. She doubted anyone could hear her shouting from the living room. "Ava, can you be In Charge for two minutes? Thanks, sweetie."

She put Noah and Sienna in their playpen and hurried to the door, glancing down at her top, which displayed the remains of Sienna's lunch. But her visitor wasn't likely to be anyone who hadn't seen her in a mess a hundred times before.

Last night already seemed like part of another world.

She opened the door. "Louis?"

"Hey, Robyn," said Louis. "Don't worry. I don't usually show up on random pretty girls' doorsteps. Especially not when they're married. But I have a free day and I was going to go over to the lake and I was thinking, I always loved going down there when I was a kid. So I just took a chance and came to ask if you all wanted to come with me."

* * *

Cal had always had a bit of a sixth sense where Matilda was concerned. As a baby, she'd often started crying when he was already on his way to see her. He'd often gone to check her nappy and found it clean – but by the time he'd finished making the obligatory fuss of her, it was in need of a change.

Now, even though she'd made no sound, he sensed that she was no longer with him.

"Sir? You have a reservation?"

Cal turned to face the waiter. "I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter needs me."

He ran out of the restaurant and looked around the car park, before getting out his phone and sent a text. A call would be quicker, but she might not answer. _Tilly I'm so sorry I didn't realise you weren't happy. Please can you tell me where you are? I'm not angry but I'm worried about you x_

It was long for a text from Cal, but it was more than worth the effort.

A text came back almost straight away. _I'm behind the car I'm scared x_

Cal wished he'd thought of it sooner. He ran over to his car and found Matilda, trembling. He hugged her tightly. "Matilda, it's okay. I'm here now. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Matilda started to cry. "They were there. In the restaurant."

"Your parents?" asked Cal.

Matilda nodded.

"Come on, darling," said Cal, though he was inwardly wondering what kind of family went out for a meal when their daughter was effectively missing.. "I'll take you home."

* * *

"So, tell me," said Dylan. "What's the problem with you and your brother?"

Luke looked panicky. "I'm not sure it's your business really."

Dylan shrugged. "What's that got to do with anything? I want to know so I'm asking. You can always choose not to tell me."

"He's just… weird," said Luke.

"He's unusual," allowed Dylan. "I really don't see the problem. It's hardly on the same level as being a serial killer."

"I... why did you ask me here?" Luke stood up. "I don't have to stay, you know."

"Yes, I was aware you hadn't sworn an oath."

Luke clutched at his head. "What is it with people called Dylan?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"He told me my mum was in hospital, okay?" blurted Luke. "And that my dad had attacked her. Are you happy now?"

Dylan's voice softened. "I'm sorry, Luke. I really am. It's a horrible thing to happen. Of course, it's not Dylan's fault: he's just the messenger. But I'm sorry."

"I told her to get away," said Luke in a low voice. "I told her to leave him. She wouldn't. So I left without her." His voice broke. "And now he did this to her! And I just keep thinking, Dylan. If I'd stayed, maybe I could have stopped him."

Dylan held out her arms. "Come here. Just don't lean on my stitches."

Most people did as she told them. Luke was no exception. He tearfully asked where her stitches were before he hugged her.

As she comforted him, she realised something. A rather interesting development which she hadn't been expecting.

Luke was hot.

* * *

Lily had hoped bringing the children here would make it easier. She often brought them here without Ethan. As the two most senior consultants, there weren't all that many times during the day when neither of them were working.

But it wasn't easy because she couldn't forget.

"So, who wants to hire a pedal-boat?" said Alicia.

Daisy folded her arms. "Pedal boats are for babies."

"How about if we let you pedal?" said Alicia.

Daisy pretended to consider. "Okay."

"I want to pedal!" said Alice.

Alicia smiled. "I'll tell you what. You can sit on my lap while I pedal! You don't mind sitting in the back with Caleb, do you, Lily?"

But Lily wasn't listening. She heard the words, but they flowed over her, making no impact. She was watching a family a short distance away. A man, a pregnant woman and five children.

Lily hadn't seen the woman for a couple of years and she hadn't seen the man since before she was married, but she knew at once that the woman was Robyn – and she was almost sure of who the man was too.

She stood frozen, watching, as Louis helped Robyn into the back of a boat, then handed her the twins. Her daughter sat beside her and the two boys sat in the front with Louis, though presumably, Louis would be doing all the pedalling.

"Lily?" said Alicia. "You don't mind sitting in the back?"

"No," said Lily. "No, of course not." She got into the back of the boat and helped a very nervous Caleb in after her, but her mind, for once, was not on her own family, but on another that looked set to be torn apart.

* * *

Zoe sat in front of her laptop, staring at the screen. On it was an email she'd drafted to Holby City Hospital, explaining that she'd like to go back to work and that Holby ED would be her workplace of choice so she hoped they would consider her if there were any vacancies, either temporary or permanent, in the future.

She hadn't sent it.

She wasn't sure if she was going to send it. On the one hand, Max was being incredibly childish and Zoe didn't want to let his temper tantrums spoil the rest of her life.

On the other, giving up on the job she loved might spoil the rest of her life too.

Zoe propped her chin in her hands and reviewed the email. She knew that any positions that did become available were likely to be temporary. She couldn't think of a couple more in love than Lily and Ethan (though Lofty and Robyn were certainly their equals). She also couldn't think of two doctors more devoted to their jobs. It might take a little while, but Zoe couldn't see them leaving their positions for good. Dylan and Cal were also struggling, but Zoe firmly believed they'd want to stay.

"Send it," said a voice behind her.

Zoe turned to Ariana. "Your dad would kill me."

"I think not going back to work would kill you!" said Ariana.

* * *

Matilda was silent on the journey home. Cal seemed to understand she didn't want to talk and although he talked to her a lot, his reassuring words didn't require an answer.

When they arrived home, Cal took Matilda into the living room and they sat down.

"Matilda, I know you don't feel ready to talk and I'm not going to make you," said Cal, his arm tightly around her. "But there's something I want to ask you. Something I need to be sure about. I'm just going to ask you one question and I want you to nod or shake your head. I know, if the answer is yes, you might feel afraid of saying that – but you have no reason to be afraid. If the answer is yes, I will protect you. I will keep you safe."

He looked into Matilda's eyes and took her hand in his.

"Matilda," said Cal. "Did you run away from home because of your parents?"

Matilda nodded, tears falling.

"Then I'll protect you," said Cal firmly. "I'll do everything I can to ensure you don't go back to them. I'm afraid there will be people we need to speak to, but you should do it in your own time. I'll need to explain this to you properly, but I know now isn't the time. So I'm going to check on Ethan, then I'll make some lunch and I'll sit with you while you eat it and I'll keep you safe. Okay?"

"C-can I go and get Taylor?" said Matilda.

The shock on Cal's face was unexpected. "Who?"

"That's what I called my toy lamb," said Matilda. "Is that okay? If she's got a name already, I'll call her that instead."

"You like the name Taylor?" said Cal.

Matilda nodded. "It's one of my favourite names. Do you like it?"

Cal hesitated. "Yes. Of course I do."


	34. Chapter 34

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm so relieved you like Taylor's name - I wasn't sure about it as the real Taylor was a pretty awful person. But I didn't want a random name. Cal is an amazing father - maybe he will get to show it in the show again. Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I really wanted to show some similarities between Cal and Matilda - even if he wasn't with her long enough to have an influence, it will help them to understand each other.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't mind how many times you tell me you like Cal and Matilda's relationship - your words never fail to make me feel happy. I think the name Taylor also has the potential to create awkward moments... Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like Taylor's name. I'm sure Cal will do everything he can to get Matilda away from her parents - though he has no legal claim on her himself so it won't be easy.

 _Thank you to **Tanith Panic** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Dylan wondered if she'd liked Luke all along. Most people thought she was good at talking to boys and she certainly didn't let them intimidate her, but she didn't have much experience of flirting. She'd been on a couple of dates, mostly out of curiosity, but she'd never been in a relationship. It didn't bother her too much, firstly because Matilda hadn't either and secondly because Ariana's many relationships and Lottie's select few all tended to bring more stress than happiness.

Besides, plenty of amazing people were single - like Dylan K and Cal.

But here was a new situation and it was affecting her quite dramatically. She was feeling very warm, perhaps even sweaty, which Lottie had told her was something you did not want to do in front of a boy you liked. Dylan had told her it was a natural human bodily function and even the Queen did it, but now Dylan found herself in the situation, she could see why Lottie found it embarrassing.

Her stomach was churning too. Really, sexual attraction made you do the most awkward things.

Dylan's hand, which was mechanically patting Luke's back, stopped patting it. Her automatic comforting words stopped mid-stream.

This wasn't sexual attraction. This was illness.

As an aspiring doctor, she really should have realised that.

"Luke, please could you get me the bucket from the kitchen?" said Dylan. "And then, if you want to clear out, I quite understand, but please hurry."

Luke did hurry. He handed her the bucket and knelt beside her, a worried look on his face, as she threw up.

"Sorry, Luke."

"It's okay," said Luke. He took the bucket away and came back with kitchen roll and a glass of water. "Is there anything else I can do? Shall I call my brother?"

As soon as he said that, he looked like he wished he hadn't, but he didn't retract the offer. He watched her, anxiety in his eyes.

Anxiety for her?

Dylan reached for her thermometer and stuck it in her ear. When it beeped, she looked at it. "My temperature's increasing. I was giving myself half-hourly obs, but I must have been distracted. Do you mind if I pull my top up? Only as far as my stomach, but if you don't like scars, look away now."

Luke didn't look away.

"Hot to the touch," said Dylan with a calmness she wasn't quite feeling. "Three signs of infection."

Luke pulled out his phone. "I'm phoning my brother."

* * *

Ethan rolled out of bed and walked towards the door. He'd failed last time, but Cal was right. He wasn't going to save his marriage unless he spoke to Lily and found out what the problem was.

He felt dizzy as he made his way down the stairs, but he was sure it would pass. He stopped in the hall to put his coat and shoes on and take his car key from the hook.

He would go to Alicia's and say what he needed to say. Then he wasn't going to leave until Lily had given him an explanation.

That couldn't be difficult, could it? All he needed was to be strong.

He'd just opened the front door when Cal appeared. "Ethan! What are you doing?"

"I'm going to see Lily," said Ethan, surprised. "Is there something wrong, Caleb?"

Cal snatched the car keys from his hand. "You mean apart from the fact you're wearing your pyjamas and you don't have your glasses on?"

* * *

Lily was quiet.

It wasn't that unusual for Lily to be quiet, Alicia had to admit, but she did usually make an effort to be cheerful when she was with the children. But she'd been almost silent on the boat ride and hadn't seemed to hear when Caleb had told her he felt sick. It was fortunate that Alicia had.

Now they were back home, Alicia knew she couldn't let this go. Staying away from Ethan obviously wasn't helping Lily or the children, all of whom were aware that Lily's attention was elsewhere. Daisy had told her to: "Sort it out and start behaving like a grown-up!", which Alicia had to admit was good advice, if harshly put.

But before Alicia could speak to her friend, Lily broke the silence. "Alicia, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," said Alicia.

"What would you do if you found out your friend was having an affair?" said Lily.

Alicia looked at her in horror.

She'd always assumed it had been Lily's decision to leave Ethan. That was the impression she'd always given her and there was no denying that Ethan wanted her back.

But if Ethan had discovered Lily was having an affair, he wouldn't be the first husband to ask his wife to leave and then change his mind.

* * *

"What is it?" said Lofty.

Dylan K was looking at his phone, an unreadable expression on his face. "It's Luke. He left a voicemail."

Lofty tried not to feel hopeful. "How is he?"

"He says Dylan has an infection," said Dylan K. He looked helplessly at Lofty. "I suppose I should tell Luke to bring her in, but-"

"I'll prepare a cubicle," said Lofty simply.

Dylan K looked grateful, then uncertain. "But what do I say to him?"

Lofty touched his arm reassuringly. "Luke spoke to you as a doctor. So respond as a doctor. I know that's not how you want the relationship to be, but you don't want to say too much and frighten him off. Let Luke set the pace."

* * *

Cal sat between Ethan and Matilda, an arm around each of them. They were the most important people in his life and they needed him – all he could do was hope he didn't mess up.

Matilda was holding Taylor tightly and trying not to cry. Ethan had nothing to hold on to, which might be why his attempts to keep his tears back were less successful.

Cal felt so powerless. So useless. He knew he needed to report Matilda's parents to the police, but he also knew she wasn't ready to talk about it. And what could he do about Ethan? He couldn't force Lily to tell him what was wrong.

Ethan put his head in his hands. "Sorry, Cal. Sorry, Matilda."

"It's okay," said Cal, stroking his shoulder. "You're both going to be okay. Cry as much as you need to now, then tomorrow we'll talk about what we need to do. But that doesn't mean we have to do anything tomorrow. We'll just talk and make plans." He hugged them both. "You're not going through this alone, you know. You've got me."

* * *

Dylan K was hanging round the reception desk with a wheelchair when Luke arrived with Dylan and Chloe. "Hello, Dylan. Mrs Wilkinson-Brae." He gave his brother a nervous glance. "Luke."

Luke held up his hands. "I'm here for Dylan, not you. Just do your job, okay?"

Dylan K felt his last few hopes shatter. He tried not to let it show. "Dylan, would you like to test out this wheelchair for me?"

"I'm happy to try," said Dylan, and sat down. "Don't look so worried. I'm not dying! It's only an infection: a common complication of laparoscopic appendectomy. I need a course of antibiotics and possibly the wound reopened and drained, but I doubt that will be necessary."

"Dylan! Don't tell Dr Keogh how to do his job," whispered Chloe.

"Oh, Dylan doesn't mind," said Dylan. "I wouldn't do it if he did."

Dylan K smiled. "I don't mind, Mrs Wilkinson-Brae. Dylan is just practising for when she becomes a doctor… and most likely takes my job. If you'd like to follow me, I have a cubicle and a nurse waiting."

* * *

Zoe pressed send and sat back in her chair. For a moment, she could do nothing but stare and wonder what she'd done, but then she began to smile.

Max wouldn't like it, but she'd done the right thing for _her_.

"Well done, Mum!" Ariana was touchingly proud of her. "I'm sure they'll want you to work for them. They might have to fire someone to make room for you, but they won't mind doing that because you're amazing."

Zoe was uncomfortably aware there was some truth in this. Zoe considered herself only an average consultant, but if her bosses found out how much their existing consultants were struggling, they might want to bring someone new in.

She realised the excitement had faded from Ariana's face. "I think you've done the right thing, Mum. I really do. But what are you going to tell Dad?"

"I don't know," sighed Zoe.

* * *

"Sorry about that," said Cal, when he returned from putting Ethan to bed. "He's not usually like that. I'll have a chat with him later and if there's no change, I'm going to prescribe him some anti-depressants and make an appointment with Grace Beauchamp – she's our psychotherapist."

"I hope he's okay," said Matilda. Ethan had seemed so broken, she'd wanted to give him Taylor to cuddle, but she didn't think a man in his forties would want to cuddle a pink sheep.

"He's accepted he needs help, so that's a good sign," said Cal. He gave Matilda a hug. "So, how are you doing, little To- Tilly?"

Matilda thought again of what Cal had said earlier. He was right. They did need to talk. She wanted to stay with Cal forever, but she doubted he wanted that and the fact he was letting an underage girl live with him might even be illegal.

She'd decided to do it now, when Ethan wasn't there. She liked Ethan, but he wasn't himself at the moment.

She was just so scared.

Matilda held Taylor close to her, stroking her soft wool. "I need to tell you something."

Cal kissed her head. "Tilly, you can tell me anything in the world. I'm going to support you."

"You've been so kind," said Matilda, beginning to cry, "and so thoughtful and I'm so grateful, but I can't just let you look after me. I need to do something. I need to tell you. But I'm so scared."

"What are you scared of, Tilly?" asked Cal. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I… I'm scared you won't believe me," confessed Matilda.


	35. Chapter 35

**X-Sammii-X** , I think the ED would be mad to turn Zoe down, particularly now! But Max will be mad in a completely different way. I'm glad you like supportive Cal - he's always tried to be protective, but he's better at it now! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think you're right - Cal will definitely believe Matilda. Let's hope she's brave enough to say what she needs to say. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I think Cal has always had a protective side, but he hasn't been so good at working out who needs looking after and how to do it. Now he's finally grown up a bit, he's better at it! I'm glad you like the Dylans and Luke.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm so happy you like my original characters - although they were all lovely babies, the writers didn't give me much to go on in terms of personality! You'll find out if you're right about Matilda very soon...

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm sure Dylan will make sure his namesake is seen as soon as possible. I think Cal has helped Matilda to find more courage and he's being a caring brother too, but he does have a habit of running away...

 _Thank you to **Liveyourdaydream** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Honey didn't want to answer the door. She was Seriously Upset and Was Not At Home To Visitors.

But she was also seriously bored.

Honey looked in the mirror, rubbed more powder under her swollen eyes, and went to answer the door.

After all, it might be a _man_.

"Yeah?" said Honey, distinctively underwhelmed by the small and rather plain girl on her doorstep.

"Hi, I was wondering if Louise was in?" said the girl.

Honey sighed. It wasn't fair. Even Louise had friends. "She's at work."

The girl looked disappointed. "Are you Honey?"

"No," said Honey at once. "Well, yeah, but you can't call me that. My name's Mrs Wright-Iddington." She frowned. "Or it was. Well, actually, I suppose it is. But I've left him, so I suppose you'd better call me Miss Wright. Or maybe Ms."

"I'm Lottie Andrews," sad the girl. "I just wanted to make sure Louise was okay."

"Yeah," said Honey. "Louise is okay. She always is okay." She sniffed and let her lip wobble. "But I'm not. My marriage fell apart. I was heartbroken and alone. I just wanted my dad. He's happy for me to stay here, but Louise – she's my stepmum – doesn't want me here." Honey began to cry. "I've got no-one to talk to. I can't even talk to my dad: I can't turn him against his wife."

She felt Lottie's hand on her arm. "You can talk to me if you like, Ms Wright. I don't know how much I'll be able to help and I am Louise's friend, but you shouldn't be alone if you're sad."

Honey sniffed. "You can call me Honey. Come in and I'll get you some tea."

* * *

Matilda felt Cal stroking her shoulder. His blue eyes were so kind.

"Of course I'll believe you, Matilda," he said. "Now, take your time. The kids are at Alicia's for the night, so the only way I'll be leaving you is if Ethan tries to get out of the house again."

Matilda felt her heart twist with guilt. Perhaps this was a bad time to tell Cal. He was so worried about Ethan.

But she didn't know if she'd ever have the courage again. "It's about my parents," she whispered. "They… say things to me."

"Things that hurt you?" said Cal.

Matilda nodded tearfully. "They say I'm bad. They say I'm horrible. And I must be, Cal, mustn't I, if I'm saying things like that about them?"

Cal pulled her into his arms. "It's not horrible to tell the truth, Matilda. Do you think you can tell me the kind of thing they say?"

"They stand over me and point at me and they say I'm bad and I don't know why they'd do that if it wasn't true," sobbed Matilda. They say I can't see how nice they are to me because there's something wrong with me and there must be because I can't remember them being nice. They say I'm subnormal and brain damaged. They say I'd be in a mental asylum if I didn't have them. They say I don't know how to be nice to people and that my friends don't really like me. They think I get bad marks at school because I hate them and I want to hurt them, but I don't! I want to get good marks, but it's so hard. I can't do it!"

Matilda stopped and waited for Cal to push her away in disgust and tell her she was horrible and ungrateful and he was taking her back to her parents' house right now.

Cal didn't let go, but he said nothing. Matilda began to tremble and wondered if she should move away from him before he pushed her away.

Then Cal sniffed. "Matilda darling, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry for everything."

"It's not your fault," wept Matilda as she hugged him more tightly. "Don't cry, Cal. I didn't mean to make you cry."

Cal took her head in his hands and she tensed, but his hands were gentle. He lifted her head so she was looking into his face. There were tears on his cheeks and in his eyes, but he didn't look like she'd hurt him.

But maybe she only thought that because she was a subhuman and she didn't understand people well enough to see what she'd done.

"Sweetheart, I'm not crying because of anything you've done. I'm upset because your parents are so cruel to you. That's abuse, Matilda. They've made you afraid and they've made you believe things that aren't true. You're sweet and lovely and kind and thoughtful and you show that to me every day." He kissed Matilda's cheek and pulled her close again. "You're not going back there, Tilly. You're not going back there ever."

* * *

Iain was confused. Rita had said she had something serious to discuss with him, but here she was, talking about facebook and school gossip. Something about a mystery gossip account and no-one knew who was behind it… he sighed, causing Rita to stop mid-stream.

"Iain, are you listening?"

She looked so beautiful when she was angry, but Iain knew better than to tell her. "I'm sorry, love, but I'm just not sure why this is important."

Rita's eyes flashed. "Iain, there's some kid going around putting private information about the other kids on the internet. Firstly, it concerns me because a lot of that information is confidential. Secondly, it concerns me because it's upsetting people, including our son. It's nasty and it's malicious and it needs to be stopped."

Iain took a moment to remind himself not to sound patronising. "Okay, it does sound really awful. But think about it, love. Is it really any different to when we were at school? There's always going to be gossip and whether it's on the internet or being whispered about in class, it's all the same thing in the end. Okay, it probably looks worse written down, but what's the harm in it, really?"

"What's the harm in it?" Rita was on her feet now. "The harm in it is that our son is so upset, he won't see his friends anymore. He spends all his time up in his room, on that stupid facebook, dreading what's going to be up there next and blaming himself for everything that's related to Ariana. That's what harm there is, Iain."

* * *

Dylan K handed the book to Dylan. She looked smaller and more vulnerable than usual and he was surprised by a surge of protectiveness. "This is another textbook for junior doctors, so it will probably be much too easy for you, but you need to take things easy just now."

"I'll try," said Dylan. She paused. "I'm sorry I didn't have more luck with Luke."

"No. You're doing very well," said Dylan K. "He spoke to me. That's an improvement. If you've changed your mind, I understand, but I'm very grateful for everything you've done."

"Of course I haven't changed my mind," said Dylan. "It takes more than an infection to stop _me_."

Dylan K found he was smiling. "Honestly, I'm surprised the infection had the nerve to try. Okay, I'm going to leave you to rest, but I'll be back in half an hour."

"Thanks, Dylan," said Dylan. "And thanks for the book."

"You're welcome." Dylan K patted her shoulder and went out to find Luke hovering. "She's resting, Luke, but if you'd like to come back in half an hour…"

Luke walked past him as though he hadn't seen him. He opened Dylan's door and went inside.

"Luke, I told you she was resting."

Dylan looked up from her book, smiling. "Don't worry, Dylan. I can rest and chat at the same time. Sit down, Luke. I'm glad you're still here."

Dylan K closed the cubicle and wished he knew more about relationships.

The last thing he wanted was for Dylan to get hurt.

* * *

Robyn waited till all the kids were out of the car, then she smiled shyly at Louis. "Thanks again."

"It was a pleasure," said Louis, with a crooked smile. "I hope we can do it again."

"Well… you've got my number," said Robyn.

"And I'll use it," said Louis. He kissed her on the cheek, then bent down to where Ava, Riley and Archie were clustered around Robyn. "Thanks for coming with me. I had a great time. Be good for your mum, okay, and I'll see you soon."

Ava held out her arms.

"Bye, Ava." Louis kissed her on the cheek too. He grinned at Riley and Archie. "Do you boys want a kiss too?"

Robyn couldn't help laughing when Riley and Archie decided they did, but Louis took it all in his stride, before kissing Noah and Sienna too and blowing a kiss to Robyn's bump.

"Now I'd better go before Lofty comes out and wants a kiss too!." Louis got back into his car. Robyn smiled and waved as he drove away.

* * *

Cal rocked Matilda in his arms and tried not to cry.

He knew it was his fault. If he hadn't given Matilda away, none of this would have happened. In some ways, she would be the same person. He was sure that if her caring nature had developed in that hell hole, it would have developed in a home where she was loved.

But if she'd grown up with him, she wouldn't be frightened. She wouldn't believe she was horrible. She would be happy…

Cal wished he could tell her he was her dad and he loved her, but he knew it was too soon.

He felt Matilda tense. "Is that Ethan coming downstairs?"

Cal had heard nothing, but he loved Matilda even more for worrying about Ethan. "I'll go and see." He kissed her forehead and hurried out into the hall. Ethan was standing on the stairs, fully-dressed and wearing his glasses, but his shirt wasn't properly tucked in and his socks didn't match. "Ethan? What are you doing?"

"Going to see Lily," said Ethan.

Cal reached for his hands and helped him down the last few stairs. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Ethan? The kids are there now. It's not really a good time for a private conversation."

Ethan looked hurt. "I want her back, Cal. How am I going to get her back if I don't talk to her?"

Cal hugged him. "You're right, Nibbles, but we need to think about this carefully and make a proper plan. Why don't you sit with Matilda while I make dinner, and we can discuss it when you've got some food inside you?"


	36. Chapter 36

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. Even though Cal had guessed what was happening, it was important for him to hear it from Matilda.

 **Applealice10** , I'm looking forward to Cal telling Matilda too, but we know what Cal's like when it comes to giving family members important information about their past! So it might take a little while, but she will find out. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it might take Matilda a while to get over what's happened, but finally she's found someone who makes her feel safe. I love how Rita is so motherly towards patients and sometimes colleagues. She really needs to hurry up and have a baby! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , that's an interesting theory about Louis - you'll find out more about him in this chapter! I'm really pleased you like Dylan's relationship with Dylan. Matilda always brings out Cal's sense of responsibility, which is just as well considering the state of Ethan and Lily! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't really side with Iain either. He's correct that things can look worse written down and that bullies will always find a way, but it's still horrible. Cal makes a bit of a habit of hiding the truth from his relatives! At least he means well. Thank you for your review.

 **Liveyourdaydream** _,_ thank you for your review - it's great to have a new reader! It is difficult working with multiple plotlines and I have to have a list of where everyone is, but I enjoy writing it and it really is so lovely to know that you enjoy that aspect of it. I hope you'll keep reading!

 _Thank you to **bibiwoodie** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Lily was startled. She knew Alicia was sorry for Ethan and wanted them to get back together, but it hadn't occurred to Lily that Alicia might actually be angry with her.

"You should have told me," said Alicia. She looked hurt now. "I'm your best friend."

Lily frowned: this made no sense at all. "I am telling you, Alicia."

"It's just… this changes everything," said Alicia. "I really thought it was just the letter. If you'd told me you were cheating on Ethan…"

"Cheating on Ethan?" echoed Lily. She knew her head wasn't right at the moment, but she was sure she hadn't cheated on Ethan.

Alicia looked confused. "That's what you mean, isn't it?"

"No!" said Lily. She closed her eyes for a moment. "I haven't been cheating on Ethan. I never would. I love Ethan."

Relief crossed Alicia's face, swiftly followed by confusion before returning to sadness. "But _someone_ is cheating on their husband… is that what you're saying?"

Lily nodded sadly. "Yes. Robyn Chiltern. She was at the lake with Louis Fairhead."

* * *

Dylan knew she should really be telling Luke how incredible his brother was, but all she could think about was that Luke was hot; he was approximately 61 centimetres away from her; and the hospital-issue gowns were really on the skimpy side.

When she was working here, she'd definitely have to do something about the gowns, but considering she had no chance of getting through medical school in the next five minutes, it might be best if she stopped thinking about it. Otherwise, she might even start blushing and she definitely didn't want that. Of course, she could claim an acute case of idiopathic craniofacial erythema, but she wasn't completely sure Luke would know what that meant.

"Dylan," said Luke.

Oh great. Now her skin was tingling. Just because he'd moved slightly and might now be only 51 centimetres away. Dylan mentally rolled her eyes at herself. She'd always thought she was immune to this sort of thing.

"You are sure you're okay?" said Luke.

Dylan waited for a sarcastic response to come to her lips. It didn't. "Why do you think I might not be okay?" she said at last.

"Because most people wouldn't be," said Luke. He nodded towards his arm, which was still in a sling. "I wasn't okay when I was in hospital. If you really are okay, that's great. But if you're not okay, you don't have to be brave all the time."

Dylan felt unnerved. And excited. And, most dangerously of all, touched. "Well, it could be worse. It could be paralytic ileus."

"Is that when you're paralytic ally drunk and you end up being ill?" said Luke.

"No, it's what can happen if the surgeon accidentally touches the bowel during the operation," said Dylan. "It can cease to function entirely. No bowel movements and no flatulence."

"So, how are your bowel movements and flatulence?" said Luke.

Dylan laughed. "That's absolutely none of your business, of course, but both are fine, though I am taking a mild laxative to help in that regard." She smiled at his shocked face. "Luke, if you seriously thought I'd be too embarrassed to answer that question, you need to get to know me better."

Luke smiled. "I'd like that. To get to know you better. Perhaps not the bodily functions so much, but... yeah."

Dylan's mouth was dry. She tried to speak. For perhaps the first time in her life, she couldn't.

Luke nodded. "Dylan." His voice was soft. "Here's a question for you. What would you do if I kissed you?"

Dylan spoke with a calmness she definitely didn't feel. "Kiss you back, I would imagine."

* * *

Ethan could see Matilda was about as happy as he was. Her eyes were red and she was cuddling her little pink sheep, just as she'd done when she was a baby. Ethan had never understood why Cal had chosen to keep a toy that meant so much to his daughter.

"So… um… what's your sheep called?" asked Ethan, feeling as though he ought to say something to his niece… no, not his niece. She wasn't actually Cal's daughter and there was no real evidence to prove she was their Matilda.

"Taylor," said Matilda.

Ethan stared at her in disbelief. He didn't want to deal with this now. His wife had left him and he was probably going to lose his job if he didn't sort himself out soon, but Cal always had such a talent for getting into complete messes. "I assume that was Cal's idea?"

Matilda shrank away from him slightly. "No…"

"He didn't encourage you to choose that name?"

"No, I chose it," whispered Matilda. "Did I do something wrong? Should I change it?"

"Perhaps you should," said Ethan. He went into the kitchen, only to stop, concerned. "What's wrong, Cal?"

Cal sniffed and wiped his eyes. "Nothing. I'm chopping onions."

Ethan ignored the onions. "What do you think you were doing, letting Matilda call her toy after her mother?"

"It wasn't my idea!" said Cal. "She thought of it and I could hardly tell her why it was a bad idea, could I? She likes the name."

"You could have told her the girl who broke your heart was called Taylor," said Ethan.

"I had to think quickly!" said Cal. "Just leave it, Ethan. Tilly's having a horrible day. She told me what her parents have been doing to her and it's awful. Please could you go back and sit with her? I really don't think she should be on her own."

* * *

Max could sense the tension in the room.

He could see it too. Zoe and Ariana had been deep in conversation, but when he'd entered, they'd sat up straighter and looked at each other before slowly turning to Max.

"Hi, Zoe." He gave his wife a quick smile, then hugged his daughter. "How's it going, Ari?"

"Good, thanks," whispered Ariana. She looked frightened.

Max's eyes slid to Zoe. "What have you done?"

"Done?" said Zoe guiltily.

"Yeah, Zoe, what have you done?" said Max. "Because it's obviously upset our daughter."

Zoe shot to her feet. "Max, how dare you use our daughter to get at me?"

"I'm not using her!" said Max. "I'm just saying that whatever you've done, Ariana obviously isn't happy about it."

"Didn't it ever occur to you," said Zoe, her voice shaking, "that maybe _you're_ the reason she's unhappy?"

"Me?" said Max. "What have I ever done except go out to work and provide for my family? Like I'm _supposed to do?_ "

"Oh, and I suppose I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do?" said Zoe. "I should stay at home and cook and clean: is that what you're saying?"

"Well, someone's got to," said Max.

Zoe's fist clenched at her side. "No, Max. 'Someone' has not got to. We share this house; we share the responsibility for keeping it clean."

"But I'm working all day!" said Max. "You can't expect me to do all that and then come home and cook."

"Well, if you're not tough enough to handle it," said Zoe, "then I suppose I'll have to do it every day when _I_ get home from work."

Max stared at her in disbelief. "Are you seriously telling me you applied for another job when our daughter _needs_ you?"

Ariana spoke breathlessly. "I'm going to my room."

Zoe hesitated. "Okay, sweetheart. But don't worry. We're not arguing. We're just having a discussion."

"Oh, so that's all this is?" muttered Max. He touched Ariana's shoulder as she scurried out of the room. "It's okay, Ari. I'll sort this."

" _You'll_ sort this?" said Zoe, once Ariana had closed the living room door behind her. "I don't know exactly what you think you're going to do, Max, but if it's anything to do with stopping me from working, then let me tell you-"

She stopped.

Max knew why she'd stopped because he'd heard it too.

The front door had just closed behind Ariana.

* * *

Dylan K couldn't quite believe what he was doing. There were certainly times when it was necessary for him to keep a close eye on patients, but this was not one of those times.

Yet here he was, watching Luke kissing Dylan.

He turned away, reminding himself that he had other patients to see to, and came face to face with Lofty.

"Dylan, what's up?"

"Luke and Dylan," whispered Dylan, pointing to the cubicle.

Lofty looked confused. "What about them?"

"They're… kissing," said Dylan awkwardly.

"So… you don't approve?" Lofty looked surprised. "I thought you liked Dylan."

"I do!" said Dylan in frustration. He dropped his voice to a whisper again. "But I'm worried. I think Luke already has a girlfriend."

* * *

Cal looked up impatiently as Ethan entered the kitchen. "I thought I told you to stay with Matilda."

"She's crying," said Ethan. "I think I might have-"

Cal almost pushed him aside in his anxiety to get to her. "Matilda, what's wrong, darling?" He hugged her tightly. "Did Ethan upset you?"

"No, I… I'm scared," sobbed Matilda. "I'm scared of what's going to happen to me."

"Nothing's going to happen to you," said Cal, stroking her hair.

Matilda sniffled. "But I'll have to talk to people, won't I? Like the police? I can't, Cal."

"It will be scary, but I know how brave you are," said Cal. "Ethan told me about when you got Ariana off the roof. We're both so proud of you. Ethan says you weren't shaking half as much as he was."

Ethan nodded and gave a small smile. "And you seemed so calm. I'm sure you weren't feeling calm because I certainly wasn't and I was doing my PIMP."

Matilda's eyes widened. "You were whatting your what?"

"It's an acronym," said Cal. "Positive Internal Mind Projection. It's how Ethan deals with his fear of heights. Don't worry, Tilly. Nibbles isn't a rent boy." He glanced at his brother. "But maybe some PIMP action wouldn't be a bad idea. For both of you."


	37. Chapter 37

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter. Luckily, the chapter set on the roof didn't really contradict Ethan's fear of heights so I was able to mention his PIMP. Not much would upset Dylan - but she really does like Luke.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you liked Ethan's objections to 'Taylor' - their relationship has improved a lot, but I thought Ethan would still have moments where he was annoyed with Cal. Thank you for your review - it's always so lovely to read comments like that.

 **Liveyourdream** , thank you for your review. Even though Ethan has doubts that she's 'their' Matilda and even though he's very upset himself, he is a very caring person and I really wanted to show that. I'm really happy you like that part.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. It's going to be tough for Matilda, but she really has got the best possible support!

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you enjoyed the kiss! Especially as there's a good chance it will happen again. I'm actually planning the moment where Cal tells Matilda - I really hope I can make it good as it will be a big moment. Thank you for your review - I appreciate them all so please make them as long or as short as you like. I love hearing what you think.

 **Tanith Panic** , Ethan the rent boy would be irresistible... and by that I mean I might have to write about him. I think Robyn would be mad to cheat on Lofty, but she might already have done enough to upset him. Grr at Max all you like! He deserves it! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Tato Potato** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Dylan K selected a number from his contacts and lifted the phone to his ear. Almost immediately, it was answered.

"Hey, Dylan." Rita sounded surprised. "Is everything okay? Do you need me?"

It occurred to Dylan K, now relationships were so much in his mind, that Rita's second question would sound odd to anyone who didn't know Rita was actually asking if there was a need for extra nursing staff. "No. I was actually wondering if I could speak to Alfie."

Rita hesitated. "I'm afraid Alfie's busy at the moment. He's having a man-to-man chat with Iain. It could take a while considering those two only seem to communicate in grunts. Can I help?"

Dylan K considered. Rita wasn't a gossip like Robyn Chiltern, but she did have a reputation for knowing exactly what was going on just by looking at you. "I'm actually calling about Luke. I don't suppose you happen to know if he has a girlfriend?"

There was a silence before Rita spoke, her voice slightly odd. "Why would you want to know about that?"

"Because…" Dylan K sighed and decided he'd better tell her everything. "Because he's kissing Dylan and the last I heard, he had a girlfriend."

Rita sounded amused. "You really like your little namesake, don't you."

"She's hardly little," said Dylan K. "She's taller than you. But this is irrelevant. Is Luke still with Maya Wescott or not?"

"Yeah, I think he is," said Rita slowly. "Though I've heard she might be cheating on Luke."

"That hardly makes it better for Dylan," said Dylan K.

"Except," said Rita, "that Dylan might be kissing Luke to make you jealous."

Dylan K sighed. "That's ridiculous. I'm nearly forty years older than she is."

"Don't put yourself down," said Rita. "But think about it. Dylan's been at school with Luke for a few months. If she wanted him, she could have made a move earlier."

"Rita, this is speculation and it's not helpful. I want facts, not gossip."

Rita was silenced.

Dylan K wasn't particularly surprised, but when the silence continued, he began to worry. "Rita, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here," said Rita. "You're right, Dylan. I was just gossiping and there's no need for it. I can't possibly know what goes on in Dylan's head and I can't really be sure about Luke and Maya. I'm sorry."

* * *

Honey handed Lottie a cup. "There. It's my special tea for making boobs grow bigger. It's got fenugreek in it."

Lottie sniffed the tea, had a sip, almost made a face, and smiled instead. "It's lovely! Thank you, Honey. But it's a bit hot for me at the moment."

"So, how do I deal with Louise?" said Honey. While Lottie was in dire need of bigger boobs, Honey did think her problem was more pressing. "How do I make my dad listen?"

Lottie's phone, in front of her on the table, began to play that annoying song by the latest _X Factor_ winner.

"Turn that thing off!" whined Honey. "I'm talking to you."

Lottie hesitated, then switched the phone off. "I'd like to help, Honey. I really would. But I'm only fifteen. What if I tell you the wrong thing?"

"I don't think you could make it worse than Louise telling me to get out," said Honey.

"That's true," said Lottie. "Unless your dad told you to get out too, but I don't think that's likely."

"That would never happen!" said Honey. "My dad loves me. He sold all his action figures for me. Except Batman." She was still slightly miffed about that. "He kept Batman."

Lottie smiled comfortingly. "Maybe he kept Batman so he would be there if you needed more money."

"Yeah, except he sold it for some loser who let him get beaten up," said Honey. "I wish I'd gone to the hospital to see him now. I'm sure I'd have seen what was really going on. I obviously really wanted to go, but I… I couldn't get away."

"It's like that sometimes," said Lottie. "I'm sure he knew you were with him in spirit."

Honey smiled. She liked that idea. "I'm always with my dad in spirit and not even that bitch Louise can stop my spirit," she said. Then she pouted. "But I want to be with him bodily too! No. I didn't mean that how it sounded."

"Of course you didn't," said Lottie. "Maybe the best thing to do is if you all sat down together. Your dad knows you both much better than you know each other so he might be able to help."

Honey nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. It might, you know. Thanks, babe. You're smarter than you look."

* * *

Cal sat with one arm around Matilda and the other arm around Ethan. He wasn't about to admit it because he was actually the strong one for once, but it made him feel quite emotional. He hadn't forgotten the times when Ethan had shrugged away Cal's attempts at a hug – and he'd never expected to be able to hug Matilda again.

"So, the next stage is pretty big for both of you," he began. "Ethan, you want your wife back. Matilda, you don't want your parents back."

Ethan moved slightly. "Are you sure, Matilda? Sometimes these things can be worked out. You can come to a compromise."

"There's no compromise with abuse," said Cal, who hadn't missed the way Matilda had tensed. He stroked Matilda's shoulder. "But you won't be alone, Tilly. Me and Ethan will be your family now." He hesitated, aware that Matilda's response to his idea could leave him devastated. "I thought maybe I could adopt you. If you're okay with that." He avoided looking at Ethan. He could guess his response.

Matilda gasped. "Would you really, Cal? I'd love that. You'd be the best dad ever!"

Cal's eyes filled with tears. He couldn't speak.

Matilda wanted him to be her dad…

He hugged her tightly and felt her hugging him back.

Ethan sighed. "I don't think adoption is something you can rush into, but as far as I'm concerned, Matilda, you can stay for as long as you like. I don't know what Lily will say, but who knows if she'll ever come home?"

"She will, Ethan," said Cal, blinking hard, " _When_ Lily comes home, we'll discuss the situation with her. But Matilda and I might decide we want our own home." He looked seriously at Ethan, then Matilda. "But whatever happens; wherever we all end up living – and Matilda, that will _not_ be with your parents – I'll always be here for both of you."

Ethan spoke in a wobbly voice. "I think you might be the best brother ever, Cal. I never thought I'd say that."

"That's because it's not true," said Cal. "The best brother ever is Ethan Hardy – and although I'm not really in a position to judge, I reckon you're a pretty good husband too and I think Lily would be stupid not to come home."

* * *

Dylan prided herself on always knowing what to say, but she certainly didn't know what to say now. She was scared even of looking at him. He wasn't the first boy she'd kissed, but this was the first time she'd cared if he liked it.

She looked at the monitor. "Hmm. Respiration rate: up. Blood pressure: up. Pulse rate: up. I think my temperature has risen again too."

Actually, no: that was _not_ a good thing to say. That was tantamount to saying it was the most incredible kiss ever.

Of course, it _was_ the most incredible kiss ever, but only Ariana, Matilda and Lottie would ever know that.

"Level of response: very very poor," said Dylan to herself.

"I'm sure everything is up for me too," said Luke.

Dylan raised her eyebrows. "Yes, that's _exactly the way to ensure I don't kick you out. And just to let you know: that was sarcasm."_

"What… what's wrong with… oh God!" Luke went bright red. "I didn't mean… I only meant what you said… I'm not up in any other way. I promise."

Dylan found the news that Luke wasn't 'up' wasn't nearly as much of a relief as she'd expected. She was relieved when her phone rang, but concerned to see who it was. "Hi, Zoe. Is everything okay?"

"Dylan, you haven't seen Ariana, have you?"

"No, sorry," said Dylan. "I'm in hospital. Wound infection. I didn't tell the others in case they panicked." _And because Luke's here, but I'm not admitting_ that _in front of him._

"Oh, I hope you're okay," said Zoe distractedly. "If you see her or hear from her, please will you let me know?"

"Of course I will," said Dylan. "Have you tried Matilda and Lottie?"

"Lottie didn't answer her phone," said Zoe. "I'm going to try Matilda now. But if you hear anything…"

"I'll let you know," promised Dylan. "Don't worry, Zoe. I'll have a think and I'll do everything I can."

* * *

Matilda pretended not to listen while Ethan talked about how much he missed Lily. She knew it was none of her business, but her heart ached for him. Anyone could see how much Ethan loved Lily – and Lily couldn't do any better than Ethan. Unless she left him for Cal, of course, but apart from the fact that would never happen, Matilda had the impression Cal wasn't interested in girls. She wondered if he was gay. Gay marriage had become more common over the last ten years, but maybe Cal had never met anyone special enough.

The thought made her sad. Cal was so lovely and she wanted him to be happy.

At the same time, it showed Cal was very particular about who he shared his home with. So the fact he actually wanted to adopt her…

Matilda's phone began to ring and she apologised to Cal and Ethan, but they both said it was fine. When Matilda saw the call was from Zoe, her heart plummeted. She could guess what Zoe was phoning about – and she was right.

"What's wrong, darling?" said Cal, once Matilda had said goodbye to Zoe.

Matilda burst into tears. "Ariana's missing. Zoe and Max were arguing and she left the house. I'm so scared something's happened!"

Cal hugged her tightly. "Of course you are. But I'm here and if you want to go out and look for her, we can go now."

"I can look too," offered Ethan.

Cal hesitated. "I think it's best if you stay here. In case Ariana comes here. Or Lily. Promise me you won't leave? Unless Lily asks you to, of course." He kissed Matilda's head. "I'm here, sweetheart. Your dad's here."


	38. Chapter 38

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you found the chapter emotionally involving. I love Cal as a dad. I'm glad you find the idea of a relationship between the Dylans weird - I do worry sometimes that she might seem a bit flirtatious.

 **Applealice** , I'm glad you liked Matilda thinking Cal was gay. I wrote another story where a character thought Cal and Ethan were a couple so I recycled that slightly! There's a tiny bit of the Dylans and Luke in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , fenugreek apparently can make your breasts grow! It contains phytoestrogen, which stimulates prolactin, which makes breasts grow - though I doubt they grow much and it's not good for your health so you have to take very small quantities. I haven't been kind to Honey or Max in this story! Cal has fared quite a lot better. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I agree that possibly being adopted by Cal will give Matilda hope of a better future and it's also good for her to be with so many people who really like her. Even Ethan's kind and he's very distracted at the moment.

 **EDSidekick** , I'm so glad you like this story! I get muddled all the time. I often have to search my documents to find out if an incident I'm thinking of happened in the story I'm working on or a different one. I get confused with episodes too - I'm rewatching Taylor's episodes and I keep thinking: "But what about..." only to realise it hasn't happened yet. Anyway, I digress too... thank you for your review and I loved your comment about the Next Generation!

* * *

"I just don't know what to do," said Lily.

Alicia hesitated before responding. "You mean about Robyn and Louis?"

"Who else would I mean?" said Lily, too quickly.

Alicia didn't want to upset her – but as a friend, she needed to be honest. She stroked Lily's arm. "Lily, I know it seems dodgy, but it might be completely innocent. It's not even as though you're close to Robyn."

"I work with her husband!" said Lily hotly.

"I know you do," said Alicia. "But you're not really close to Lofty either. You don't really have enough information to interfere – and besides, you have your own marriage to consider. Ethan really loves you and I know you love him. Don't throw all that away over something so small."

Lily jumped to her feet. "Ethan sacrificing his job for me is hardly small!" she yelled, and ran out of the room. Alicia heard her feet on the stairs and got up to follow but found her way blocked by Sam and Charlie.

"What's up?" she said, noting the serious expressions on their faces.

Sam put his arm around her and led her back to the sofa with Charlie sitting opposite. "It's the… living arrangements, babe. I know Lily and Luke need support and it's nice for Lily to have the children to stay, but Charlie and I have been talking and… well, it can't go on, Alicia. They've got to go home. I'm sorry."

* * *

Noel was about to leave when Louise called his name. He hesitated for a split second she caught up with him.

"Right: are we going to sort this out or not!" she said antagonistically.

Noel sighed. "I don't think this is a good time, Louise. Maybe tomorrow."

"We can't wait for tomorrow," said Louise. "We need to sort this out now!"

"There's nothing that needs sorting out except your attitude!" said Noel. "Honey's left her husband. She's hurting and she needs a place to stay. She needs her dad."

Louise seemed unmoved. "But she can't just walk into our house and set her own rules! We have to talk about this rationally."

"So, that's what you were doing last night, was it?" said Noel.

"That's what I was trying to do," said Louise. "But Honey won't listen to reason. She's like a spoiled child. She used to be lovely – a bit self-involved, maybe, but lovely-"

"Hey: that's my daughter you're insulting!"

"I just said she was lovely!" said Louise defensively.

"Yeah, but you also said she was spoiled and self-involved!"

Louise's voice rose. "Well, she is, Noel! "

"No, Louise. You're the self-involved one. Wanting to have everything your own way just because it's your house. You're the one who won't listen to reason." Noel stopped walking and glared at her. "I'm going back to my daughter tonight. If you want to come with me, then great. But you'd better bring a civil attitude with you or we've problems."

* * *

Luke was looking anxious. "Is everything okay, Dylan?"

"Not really," said Dylan. She thought for a moment. "Do you think Dylan would kill me if I got out of bed?"

Luke's expression changed to alarm. "No, Dylan, you mustn't. You might make yourself more ill."

"But I need to help find Ariana," said Dylan. She pushed the bedclothes aside, no longer caring about the skimpiness of her hospital gown. "I'm the best person at getting through to her."

"Then let someone else find her, then they can bring her here or let you talk to her on the phone," said Luke. He caught Dylan by the shoulder and she felt a bolt of electricity. "Listen to me. Everyone's already panicking about Ariana. Don't make them panic about you too."

* * *

Iain was doing his best, but it was slow-going. Alfie insisted he was fine and there was nothing going on and the reason he wasn't going out with his mates as much was because: "It's my GCSEs next year so I thought I'd get a head start on the studying."

Iain approved in theory, but it wasn't like Alfie. Alfie was usually more interested in his hair than in school.

"Look… um… that girl you were seeing. Ariana. You know it's not your fault if she… has to go to hospital?"

"Yeah, course," said Alfie.

"Okay," said Iain. "Good."

Alfie nodded at him. Iain nodded back at Alfie.

"So… um… is there a lot of gossip at school?" said Iain.

Alfie shrugged. "It's a school. There's girls there. Of course there's going to be gossip."

"But you don't pay too much attention to it?"

"Why would I?" said Alfie. "Half of its exaggerated anyway and the rest is made up. You know what girls are like."

Iain nodded, grinning. He'd known a lot of girls in his time, though the last fifteen years had been all about Rita.

He'd always thought Rita was different, but perhaps the fact she was so fussed about this gossip business showed she was just a girl at heart.

Just a girl… but the only girl for Iain.

* * *

Matilda sat trembling in the front seat as Cal drove.

He'd been very clever. Matilda had given him Ariana's phone number and he'd tracked the position of her phone online, but Matilda was still terrified.

Some things never became less terrifying, no matter how many times you faced them.

"Not far to go now, Tilly," said Cal reassuringly, but Matilda could tell he was frightened too.

Matilda looked out of the window. With Ariana, so many places were dangerous. There were so many places and ways she could hurt herself.

But one place worried her more than any other – and the closer they got, the more convinced Matilda became that this was where they were going.

The railway.

* * *

Zoe was glad Max was driving. She didn't know where they were going: although her eyes were pointed at the road ahead, she saw nothing and knew nothing except that her daughter was missing. "It's my fault, Max. It's all my fault."

"No, it's not," said Max. "It's my fault too." He reached across and touched her arm. "I'm sure she is upset about you going back to work, but I think it was the argument that really got to her."

Zoe couldn't believe it. Even now, he was making a dig. Anger rose inside her and she wanted to scream. For a second or two, she thought she would. But then slowly, the emotion dyed down and she became outwardly calm. "Stop the car, please."

Max slammed on the break. "What? Where? What did you see?"

Zoe unclipped her seatbelt and opened the door.

"Zoe?" said Max.

Zoe opened the door and got out. "I've had enough, Max. You search your way and let me search mine."

"Zoe, don't be stupid." Max got out of the car and ran over to her. "We tracked Ariana's phone. We know where she is. The sooner you stop behaving like a child and get back in the car, the sooner we can find our daughter."

* * *

Dylan K was hovering again. Eavesdropping. Neglecting his duties.

But two of the people he cared most about were a few feet away from him and he was worried about both of them.

It sounded like Dylan was on the phone. She seemed to be organising something. "No, Mum, don't come back here. I'm fine. I've got Luke and Dylan. Just go to the bridge. Okay?"

"Don't you think you should rest now?" said Luke, once Dylan had finished speaking to her mum.

"No: I need to speak to Dylan. Could you ask someone to find him, please? I'm assuming you won't go yourself."

Dylan K didn't wait for Luke's reply. "Luke, visiting hours are over. Please leave. I need to check on Dylan."

Luke looked rebellious, but Dylan spoke softly. "Go on, Luke. I'll phone you when he's gone and you can come back."

"You most certainly won't! Out!" said Dylan K, as Luke kissed Dylan and left.

"I'm not sure that's the way to get through to him," said Dylan. "But there's no time to argue. We might be about to have an urgent admission."

Dylan K couldn't help but smile slightly. "We?"

"Okay: you," said Dylan. "Ariana's disappeared. I've tracked her phone: she's at the railway bridge. I've got Zoe, Max, my mum, Matilda and Cal converging on the bridge. The first person to arrive will report back to me. If she is there, I'll notify the emergency services. If not, I'll contact the others and co-ordinate a search of the..." Her eyes closed.

"Dylan? What's wrong?"

* * *

Cal didn't want to look at the tracks, but his gaze was drawn to them involuntarily. There was no sign of Ariana, but she could be on the other side of the bridge or still up there.

Matilda was out of the car too. Cal went quickly over to her. "Maybe you should wait here, darling."

"I can't," said Matilda. "I do think you're wonderful, Cal, but Ariana doesn't know you. She's more likely to listen to me."

Cal knew she was right. He'd known all along, but he hated putting his daughter in this situation. "I need to look on the other side of the bridge."

"Then I'm coming with you."

Cal heard the tremor in her voice and wrapped an arm around her. Cal's legs felt heavy as he walked. Their feet tapped on the gravel, louder than he would have expected.

They reached the other side of the bridge.

No Ariana.

"Okay: I'm going up," said Cal, looking up at the bridge. "You stay here."

"No, I'm coming," said Matilda.

"You're scared of heights."

"I'm more scared of not being there for Ariana!"

Cal gave a reluctant nod. If he said no, she might easily try to get up of her own accord. He held her tightly as they climbed the steep steps, Matilda's breathing fast and anxious. He could feel her trembling; see the tears forming in her eyes. "I'm here, Tilly. I'm here. Don't look down, okay?"

She was shaking so hard now, Cal felt he was all but keeping her upright. He held her tightly, supporting her in the way he used to hold Ethan when he was afraid.

They watched as the top of the bridge slowly came into view.

Matilda burst into tears.


	39. Chapter 39

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , I can't imagine Lily taking the news very well. She's never been that sociable, so it might be difficult for her to find somewhere else to go. Thank you for your review.

 **casualtyislife** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter despite the possible suicide attempt. You'll find out whether Ariana jumped in this chapter.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I suppose the Dylans do understand each other very well - and perhaps not many people do understand them. Yes, Zoe and Max really do need to sort it out! Thank you for your review. I'm so happy you're enjoying it.

 **Applealice10** , not many Casualty characters do have good luck! But Matilda's life has been particularly bad. Thank you for your review - I really am glad you liked the comedy moment with Luke and the Dylans.

 **Liveyourdaydream** , thank you for your review. I suppose there are a lot of cliffhangers - I'm sorry I left it so long to update! One of your questions will be answered in this chapter... well, kind of.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Yes, Max is definitely a tactless twerp at times! I'm sure Louise would be glad you're on her side. She doesn't seem to have a friend to talk to. Everyone seems to like a bit of caring Cal on this site... and who wouldn't?

 **EDSidekick** , I'm glad you liked Iain in the last chapter. That's something I've noticed about him as a character - he doesn't always get it right, but he does always try. There's more about Ariana in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I think Lily could really struggle to find somewhere else to go. That's the important thing with Ariana - no matter how distraught she is, if she's alive, there's a chance of things getting better.

 **x snow-pony x** , thank you for your review. You got me really worried for a minute, but it was worth it! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story - it's so lovely to know I left you wanting more! Well, here is the 'more' - I hope you like it.

* * *

Cal stayed close to Matilda as she ran to the abandoned phone and picked it up.

"It's Ariana's," sobbed Matilda. "Do you think…"

"I'm sure we would have heard something," said Cal, but his voice didn't hold the conviction he hoped it would. He kissed Matilda's forehead. "Stay there, darling. You've been amazingly brave, but I'm not letting you look over railway bridges. Why don't you phone Dylan?"

He had to admit he was impressed by the way Dylan had worked everything out and made a plan from her hospital bed, but he was most impressed with Matilda. She was terrified and upset, but she was determined to do everything she could to help her friend. The fact she shared Ethan's phobia only made her even more a part of their family.

Cal walked to the edge of the railway bridge. "She's not here, Tilly." She wasn't on the other side either. He returned to Matilda and sat down quickly by her side. She was looking worried as she lowered her phone from her ear. "Are you okay?"

"Dylan's not answering her phone," said Matilda. Her voice was shaking. "Dylan always answers her phone!"

* * *

Ethan sat with his knees against his chest and cried. He'd just phoned Lily and again she hadn't answered. He didn't know what to do. When Cal was here, everything seemed like it might be okay, but now he'd gone and there was nothing for Ethan to do except think of Lily.

It wasn't the first time they'd had a difference of opinion. It happened fairly frequently both at home and at work. The difference was that he usually deferred to her at work. At home, he preferred to have a discussion. They usually came to some sort of compromise. No matter how stupid Lily thought he was being, she always listened.

But not this time.

Ethan knew he had to get over it. If Lily wasn't here, he needed to take charge. Cal was much more responsible than he used to be, but he still wasn't that great with housework or remembering to do the shopping. The situation with Matilda was only going to distract him more.

 _Step up and grow up_ , Ethan told himself, but he was still sobbing as he went into the kitchen and looked in all the cupboards. As he expected, they were low on several items. He had a feeling Cal had told him to stay here, but even though Ethan's world was ending, Cal, Matilda and the children needed to eat. That meant Ethan needed to make a shopping list and then go shopping.

He made the list.

It was like dealing with heights. All it took was a bit of positive thinking.

The shopping list was smudged with tears, but Ethan could still read it. If he could make the list, he could do the shopping too.

Couldn't he?

* * *

Max ran up the steps of the railway bridge, leaving Zoe and her high heels far behind.

No sign.

The website must be wrong.

Max got out his phone and tried again, discovering Ariana's phone was now a short distance away. He walked back to the steps and heard Zoe panting as she struggled up after him.

"Please tell me she's there, Max!" Zoe's eyes were full of tears. "Please tell me she hasn't…."

She looked beautiful and vulnerable and Max was reminded why he'd fallen in love with her. Why he was still here now even though she made him feel useless and stupid and ignorant every day. "She's not here, but her phone's not far. She must have changed her mind and gone down again."

Zoe's tears began to escape. "Oh God, Max, where is she?"

"We're going to find her." Max went back down the steps and hugged her. He stroked her hair and gently kissed her tears away. He hated himself for it, but it was only when she needed him that he didn't feel inferior. "Come on. It's okay. She didn't jump – that's the important thing. We'll find her, Zoe. We will."

* * *

Dylan opened her eyes. For a moment, there was fear in them as she looked around, catching Dylan K's eye and then looking away again.

"Dylan, it's all right," he said. "You fainted."

She made a face. "I'm sorry. That was very melodramatic of me. I'm fine now."

Dylan K checked the readings on the monitor. "I'm afraid that recovering from an operation and an infection and co-ordinating a search for a suicidal girl are not compatible."

Dylan groped next to the bed. "Where's my phone?"

"Out of harm's way."

Dylan tried to sit up. "Dylan, I need that back. I'm the single point of contact."

Dylan K sighed. He had a feeling that 'no' wouldn't work: it would only lead to an argument which Dylan would probably win, once she'd finished exhausting herself. "All right. I'll give you your phone back if you delegate your responsibilities to someone else. You need to delegate if you're going to be a doctor."

"Who do you delegate to?" asked Dylan, interested.

"Nurses, junior doctors, registrars, Dr Knight…"

"Why do you delegate to other consultants? Is there a fixed chain of command?"

"Why do you keep asking questions?" said Dylan K.

Dylan smiled. "Why do you keep giving me such interesting answers?"

Dylan K ignored her and went to get her phone. "There are many very important things all doctors need to be able to do. One is to delegate. Another is to rest well so you're physically and mentally ready for your next shift. I'm not convinced you can do either, but I'd like you to prove me wrong."

"Rest?" Dylan sat bolt upright. "Dylan, Ariana is my friend. Could you rest if Lofty was off killing himself?"

"I… we're not talking about me."

"I have to do something, Dylan. I have to. Maybe you're like everyone else. Maybe you just think I like to boss everyone around and I suppose I do. But there's more to it than that. I like being in charge because that way, I know something is being done. I _need_ to know that Ariana is being helped. Sitting here and resting and doing nothing and not even trying… it scares the hell out of me. And I don't think I can do it."

* * *

"What if we don't find her?" said Matilda.

Cal put his arm around her. "Then we'll keep looking until we do."

Cal's support helped, but Matilda was still afraid. She'd felt most of her life being afraid and it was something she wanted to change now she had Cal and the prospect of a new, happy life, but she didn't think she'd ever stop being scared when Ariana did something like this.

She could tell Cal was scared too, though he was trying to hide it.

"But if we can't get in touch with Dylan," said Matilda, "she can't make sure we're not all going to different places."

"No, but who says Dylan is the only person who can do that?" said Cal. "She's told us who's out searching. Max and Zoe, who might be together, and Dylan's mum. You probably know Dylan's mum's number, don't you?"

Matilda nodded. "Yeah. Dylan's mum's nice."

"And maybe we can get some more people involved too," said Cal. "The police, for a start."

"But we don't know where she is," said Matilda. "She could be anywhere near here. We might be going in completely the wrong direction." She gave a sob. "And I don't know if I even want to find her. Not when she might be…"

Cal stopped and put his hands on her shoulders. "Matilda, listen. I know you're scared, darling, but I don't think she's likely to do anything."

Matilda stared at him in disbelief. "How can you know that?"

"Because she hasn't so far?"

Matilda shook her head. "That doesn't mean she won't this time. Cal, I'm so scared!"

"Tilly. Hey." Cal hugged her more tightly. "We'll keep looking. How about I phone the police and you phone Dylan's mum? Then we can phone Max and Zoe and check in with Ethan. We're not giving up, Matilda, okay? And I'm not going to leave you."

* * *

Dylan knew she'd said too much. She'd never said that to anyone before and although she knew Dylan K would sympathise, he probably wouldn't be able to show it, which would probably make him feel guilty on top of everything else. "I'm sorry. I am running a temperature."

Dylan K sat beside her. "Dylan, you can't do everything. You're highly intelligent and extremely capable and your medical knowledge is impressive for someone of your age. But you're fifteen and you're in hospital, so why don't you use your considerable common sense and accept there's nothing you can do?"

"Because what if the one time I don't do anything for Ariana is the one time when she really needs me?" said Dylan.

"Why are you taking so much upon yourself?" said Dylan K. "Can't you see how ridiculous you're being?"

Dylan tried not to flinch. She didn't manage it.

"Dylan. Listen. I'm not trying to upset you," said Dylan K. "Unlike you, I know better than to attempt the impossible." He paused. "What is this about really?"

"I told you," said Dylan, her voice tight. "I have a temperature."

"No. I think it's more than that."

"I can handle it."

Dylan K sighed. "But you're not handling it. Even when you're a doctor, looking after someone who needs help can be… distressing. When that happens, you can keep it to yourself, but sooner or later, it starts affecting you."

Dylan thought about this. "Who do _you_ talk to?"

"Lofty, usually. Sometimes Grace, our psychotherapist. Occasionally, my friend Zoe – Ariana's mother. But you're making me change the subject. Why do _you_ always have to be the one who rescues your friends?"

"I don't," said Dylan. "Cal rescued Matilda."

There was a flash of annoyance in Dylan K's eyes, but his voice remained reasonably calm. "Don't play dumb, Dylan. You're as bad at that as you are at delegating. You usually tell me exactly what you're thinking – why is this any different?"


	40. Chapter 40

_Thank you for taking this to over 200 reviews. I really appreciate all the positive words and support._

 **X-Sammii-X** , it is about time Cal matured considering he's nearly 50, but I hope he's still enough like Cal! It was also about time Max matured! Thank you for your review. I really appreciate your supportive words. I hope I can continue to do that because I enjoy your fanfics and I'd like you to enjoy writing them.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I'm pleased you like the Dylans' relationship - I'm surprised by how much I'm enjoying writing about them. It's lovely to know you can imagine Dylan saying some of the words I've written for him. It is just me who thinks he looks hot with his hands on his hips? Quite possibly...

 **Tanith Panic** , Grace might be good at her job, but she might still have some bratty tendencies. One thing I love about Casualty is that (almost) everyone is good at their job, but they're all very human and have flaws. Max has grown up a bit, but he does have a way to go. This is 2030, Max! Thank you for your review.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. It is very difficult for Matilda and Dylan - it's lucky they have such brilliant father figures.

 **Applealice10** , I think Casualty characters are only likely to get happy-ever-afters if they leave and we don't want them doing things like that! But I am hoping for some sort of happy for everyone who deserves it at the end. It's lovely to know the story made you laugh - and a big relief too! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan had never told anyone. Not Chloe. Not even Ariana, Matilda and Lottie.

"You can tell me," said Dylan K. "Or would you rather tell someone else? I can go and find Lofty?"

Dylan shook her head. Lofty was lovely, but she hardly knew him. Dylan K had already seen at her most vulnerable: as a newborn baby. She felt her chest tighten. "I was in the park," she said. Her voice wavered and she swallowed hard. She had to be strong. She was always strong.

"With your mum?" said Dylan K.

Dylan shook her head. "On my own. My babysitter fell asleep. I climbed out through the window."

"How old were you?" asked Dylan K.

"Five," said Dylan. "But I knew the way and I knew how to stay safe, so let's not get side-tracked with lectures about that. There was no-one in the park. I felt so daring and grown-up."

Dylan K was watching her. He didn't look sympathetic, but Dylan could feel his sympathy all the same.

"The park had a fort," said Dylan. "I heard someone coming. I thought it might be my babysitter, so I hid in the fort. But it wasn't my babysitter. It was two men."

A gasp escaped Dylan K's lips. "They didn't hurt you, Dylan?"

"No," said Dylan. "They didn't know I was there. They were talking: they used words I'd never heard before. Words like 'dope' and 'fix'. Then I heard shouts and grunts and thumping sounds. I looked out of the fort and they were hitting each other. One of them fell over. He didn't get up."

Her voice trembled and Dylan K spoke quickly. "It wasn't your fault, Dylan. There was nothing you could have done. You were a child."

"The man who hit him ran away." There was a pain in Dylan's chest: some part of her brain identified it as emotional rather than physical. "I climbed down from the fort and went to look at the man on the ground."

"That was… courageous of you," said Dylan K.

Dylan shook her head and her eyes filled with tears. "He had a cut on his head. The blood was pouring out. I think he might have been still conscious: he was moaning. And I… I…" Her voice caught. A tear escaped. "I… ran away."

* * *

Cal kept his arm around Matilda as they walked. Every so often, he checked his phone to make sure he hadn't missed a text or call. He knew it was unlikely, but he had to be sure.

He'd called the police, Dylan's mother and Max. They were all trying to cover the surrounding area as best they could. Cal checked in with them regularly, sending texts to the phone line was clear. He passed on Matilda's ideas and let her know the responses.

But Ariana hadn't been found.

"Do you want to phone Ethan?" said Matilda softly.

Cal stopped walking and held her close to him. He loved her for thinking of his brother when she was so worried about her friend. "I don't want to clog up the phone lines."

"It's okay," said Matilda. "Ethan's important too and he needs you."

Cal nodded and got out his phone. It rang several times before going to voicemail. _Hi, this is Dr Ethan Hardy. I'm afraid I can't come to the phone right now as I'm probably either working, sleeping or busy looking after my beautiful family. But if you'd be kind enough to leave me a message, I'll be delighted to get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you. Goodbye. Oh, and I hope you have a lovely day._

Despite his worry, Cal smiled. He remembered how much he'd teased Ethan about his voicemail message.

But he knew Ethan wasn't working or looking after his beautiful family and he doubted Ethan was asleep.

So why wasn't he answering?

* * *

Lily curled into a ball in Alicia's spare bed, the covers over her head. She didn't know why. She'd known from a very young age that hiding from something didn't make it go away.

But here she was. Hiding.

She'd been hiding ever since she'd left Ethan.

She still couldn't believe it sometimes. She and Ethan had been so happy. They'd always faced everything together. Loved one another. Supported one another. Kept no secrets.

Now, Lily's entire world had shifted. Tilted. And come crashing down again. Her dream was a lie. Her marriage was a lie. How could she have stayed with him, knowing that?

"Mummy?"

Lily froze. That was Caleb's voice.

"Mummy, are you poorly?"

"I… I have a headache," said Lily. Tears poured down her cheeks.

She felt Caleb crawling under the bedclothes. Wrapping his arms around her. "Tell Daddy. Daddy will make it better."

Lily didn't know how to explain that Daddy could never make things better again.

* * *

Honey sat beside Noel on the sofa, with Louise in the armchair opposite. She looked tense and she had frown lines. Honey would have offered her an anti-ageing facial, but Louise was so touchy. She'd think Honey was being bitchy and that would make things even worse for poor Noel.

"Right then," said Louise. "Let's see if we can sort this out."

Honey had the wind taken out of her sails somewhat. _She_ was supposed to be the mature one who suggested they all sit down to have a reasonable discussion. How _dare_ Louise steal her idea?

She smiled at Louise through gritted teeth. "That's a lovely idea, Louise. I think what we need is a mature, sensible discussion. Because we are all like, adults, aren't we?"

"Exactly," said Noel. He smiled at Honey. To Honey's satisfaction, he didn't smile at Louise.

Louise's face looked like another part of her body that had just been slapped.

* * *

Dylan K knew he was a good doctor. He'd become a consultant despite social difficulties and OCD. He was one of the few to have passed his FCEM at the first attempt – the only person in the hospital to have done that apart from Lily. Despite his disastrous spell as acting clinical lead, he had been invited to apply for the job full-time when Connie had retired.

But he didn't know how to deal with this.

Dylan smiled through her tears. "Dylan, don't look so worried. I'm fine."

"Dylan, you're hardly fine!" said Dylan K. "Something terrible happened and it upset you and you're still dealing with the effects now. And…" He stopped as a realisation came to him. "Do you feel as though, if you don't help look for Ariana, something bad will happen to her?"

"No. That would be ridiculous," said Dylan.

"Oh. Right. Of course. Yes," said Dylan K awkwardly.

"I just think it _might_ happen… which, now I think about it, is nearly as silly, but that doesn't make the feeling go away." Dylan's eyes filled again. "Usually, I can make things go away. I can defeat them with logic. But this..."

Dylan K watched helplessly as she started to cry. He knew he had to do something. She was only a child, but she was important to him.

He took Dylan's hand in his and felt her clinging on tightly. He put his other hand on her shoulder.

"Dylan, what happened to you was terrible," he said. "It would upset anyone: adult or child. A lot of people would run away. But you were only five years old. You didn't know what it meant or what to do. No five-year-old would. You're not in any way to blame."

Dylan didn't seem comforted. "He died, Dylan. He died in that park. All alone. He wasn't found for hours, even though I knew he was there. And I just keep thinking: what if I could have made a difference? I knew about phoning 999. Why didn't I?"

"Because you were five years old; you were terrified; and you didn't know he was going to die," said Dylan K. "It's likely he would have died anyway. Your intervention wouldn't have made any difference." He had no way of knowing that was true and usually, he would have said so. He always told the truth, no matter how painful.

But something held the words back. He couldn't say them to Dylan. She'd already suffered ten years of hurt. He didn't want to say anything that might increase that.

* * *

Matilda could tell Cal was upset and worried. He kept drifting off into his own world, though as always, he was caring and helpful. He asked questions about nearby places Ariana particularly liked; suggesting possibilities; offering reassurance that they wouldn't stop looking until Ariana was found.

But although Ariana was his possible future-daughter's friend and his former colleagues' daughter, his mind was naturally on his little brother.

"Cal," said Matilda, and waited until he'd turned to look at her. "If you want to go and look for Ethan, I understand."

Gratitude came into Cal's eyes, but he shook his head. "Thanks for thinking of it, darling, but although Ethan is unhappy, I don't believe he's suicidal. Ariana has to come first and I'm sure Ethan wouldn't argue with that."

"You could do a search for his phone," said Matilda.

Cal looked as though this hadn't occurred to him. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not," said Matilda. "Ethan is important too. To both of us."

Cal opened up the app they'd used to trace Ariana's phone and typed in Ethan's number.

Matilda saw the fear on his face. She slipped her hand into his arm.

He started in surprise and turned to look at her, but then he smiled and bent to kiss the top of her head. "I'm glad you're here, Tilly. So glad."

"I'm glad too," said Matilda. "I know I'm just a kid, but if you're going to be my dad, I want to support you too."

Cal's eyes looked shiny. "I know you will, Matilda. I know you will." He blinked and returned his attention to the screen. "It looks like Ethan's gone into the city centre." He looked confused. "Why would he go there?"

"Is the place where Lily's staying near there?" asked Matilda, but Cal shook his head.

"That's a good thought, Tilly, but it's in completely the wrong direction. I suppose he might be going to the hospital." His face paled still further and Matilda squeezed his arm. Whether Ethan had gone to the hospital in some misguided attempt to do his job or whether he was attending as a patient, it was worrying.

They continued walking. Matilda scanned from left to right. Looking for Ariana. Looking for some clue to her whereabouts or something that might give her an idea.

They turned the corner.

Matilda's hand flew to her mouth.


	41. Chapter 41

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for the review and the lovely compliments. Luckily, Matilda doesn't take after her real mum or her adoptive parents. I wasn't expecting Dylan's storyline either - I just randomly thought of it and put it in! I'm so glad you like it.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , I'm glad you like Ethan's voicemail message. I thought he'd probably say something adorable so it's really good to know you think I've succeeded. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm not sure anyone has ever said my writing was thought-provoking before. Thank you! I have some ideas for reconciling Ethan and Lily, but whether I will reconcile them, I haven't decided! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I hope there will be some happy endings! I also hope there will be some happy moments before the end. Dylan and Luke will be in the next chapter quite a lot, I think. Thank you for your review. I'm not planning on letting anyone leave Casualty in this story!

 **x snow-pony x** , maybe I do like mean cliffhangers! I don't always use them, but with so many storylines, scenes have to be short, which means cutting them off in the middle... which can be fun! I'm glad you like the Dylans' relationship - I wasn't expecting it to feature much, but I really enjoy writing them. It's good to know you like them too. Thank you for your reviews.

 _Thank you to **TrekkieL** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Cal turned to Matilda in confusion. She said nothing, but she pointed. Cal followed the line of her finger.

There was a car parked in a drive ahead of them. Someone was lying underneath the boot, only their legs visible.

"What?" said Cal, confused. "Someone's fixing their car."

Matilda's hand shook. She tried to speak but could only whisper. "Ariana. Carbon… monoxide?"

Cal ran over to the car and lay down beside it, gagging slightly at the overpowering petrol fumes. Carbon monoxide itself had no smell, but it was contained in petrol - along with many other dangerous pathogens. Cal tried not to breathe deeply as he put his head under the car. "Ariana, it's Cal. Matilda's friend. Can you come out for me, please?"

Ariana didn't answer.

"Okay: I'm going to pull you out," said Cal. "If I hurt you, I'm sorry, but I can't let you do this."

"I want to do this!" shouted Ariana.

"I know," said Cal. He moved to the end of the car, grasped Ariana by the hips and pulled her out. "But you'd have to be under there for a very long time have even a chance of dying. All you're likely to do is make yourself very ill." He was aware that Matilda was crying and longed to comfort her, but he had to take care of her friend – and he knew Matilda would want that too.

Ariana glared at him as he carried her away from the car. "Why couldn't you mind your own business? I have the right to do this. It's my choice."

Cal looked at her sadly. "But no human being has the right to mind their own business when another human being is trying to die."

* * *

"You could have therapy," said Dylan K. He knew his voice sounded abrupt, but he also knew Dylan wouldn't take offence. "I had therapy for a while. I still do sometimes. Our therapist here is very good."

"What can therapy really do?" Dylan said in a low, defeated voice. "It happened. Nothing can change it."

"Therapy can stop it from being so important," said Dylan K. "You learn to look at it in different ways."

Dylan sniffed. "Is that what it did for you?"

"Yes, it did," said Dylan K. "It was difficult, but I coped and I'm still here now."

"I've wondered about therapy," admitted Dylan. "I considered becoming a psychologist so I could help Ariana. I wondered if it might help me too. But I felt like I didn't deserve help."

Dylan K patted her shoulder. His hand felt tense and he doubted it was very reassuring, but she smiled at him through her tears. "Of course you deserve help. I can help you access it if that's what you want. Or if you'd rather do it yourself, I can tell you how."

Dylan wiped her eyes. "You know me so well already."

"I'd like to think I do," said Dylan K. He wondered why. He found he liked the feeling of knowing someone well. He carried on patting her shoulder, feeling his hand relax slightly.

A moment later, he was grabbed by the shoulders. "What are you doing? Get off her!"

* * *

Rita looked questioningly at Iain as he entered the room. Iain smiled and sat beside her, taking her in his arms.

"Everything's okay then?" said Rita, as she snuggled into his shoulder.

"Everything seems okay," said Iain cautiously. "We had a chat about it. He says the gossip doesn't bother him."

Rita went still. "And you believe him?"

Iain shrugged. "No reason not to."

"No reason not to?" said Rita. "He practically admitted it to me!"

Iain looked slightly annoyed. "Maybe you should talk to him then!"

"Maybe I should!" said Rita sharply, pulling away from his embrace, but then she sighed and put her head back on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," said Iain, as he put his arms around her. "Nobody said having a teenage son was easy."

Rita cuddled closer to him. It helped, but it didn't solve the problem. "I don't know what to do, Iain. I will report the gossip site when school starts again: I know you don't want me to do that, but I'm not changing my mind."

"That's one of the things I love about you," said Iain. "When you make a decision, you stick to it."

"But I don't know what I'm supposed to do _now_ ," said Rita.

* * *

When Lofty heard the shouting, he immediately ran towards the sound. The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. He arrived to find Luke sitting on Dylan's bed and someone struggling to find their way out from under the fallen cubicle curtain.

"Dylan, calm down," said Luke.

"I'm perfectly calm," said Dylan. "But I do remember asking you to take your hands off me. So perhaps you could do that. Now."

"Er… hey," said Lofty, almost apologetically. He knelt down beside the cubicle curtain. "Dylan, is that you? It's Lofty. Lie still and I'll get you out."

To his relief, Dylan K did as he was told. Meanwhile, his brother and namesake continued to argue.

"The guy upset you and you want to help him?" said Luke disbelievingly.

"He was making me feel better," said Dylan. "I would hardly allow him to stay if he was upsetting me. You, on the other hand…"

Lofty had managed to get Dylan K disentangled. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," said Dylan K, but he didn't get up. He stayed where he was, looking sadly at Luke and Dylan.

Lofty offered Dylan K his hand. "How about we go and get a coffee and leave them to chat?"

He wasn't expecting Dylan K to agree, so he was surprised when he nodded. Together, they walked towards the staff room, Lofty giving Dylan K an anxious visual assessment as he walked.

"Ben?" said Dylan K.

"Yeah?"

Dylan K hesitated, as though wondering whether to speak or not. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

* * *

Alicia put her hands to her head. "We're just going round and circles. I can see your point. But it will be different once the kids have gone home. It will just be us, Lily and Luke again – and they aren't any trouble. Why don't we wait till tomorrow and discuss it again?"

Sam's and Charlie's faces remained immoveable.

"Charlie, Luke's one of your best mates," said Alicia.

Charlie shrugged. "Alfie's my best mate. But now he won't talk to me."

"I'm sure that's not because of Luke," said Alicia. "Maybe you and Luke could help him together. Two heads are better than one!"

Charlie said nothing.

Alicia turned to her husband. "Lily and Like both really unhappy. They need support. You wouldn't turn them away in their hour of need, would you?"

"I'm sorry, Alicia, but it's been a lot more than an hour," said Sam. "And it's awkward. Lily's our mate and of course I want to support her, but Ethan's our mate too and I've seen how broken up he is. I don't want Ethan to think that we're seeing him as the bad guy."

"Then tell him that!" said Alicia.

"And it's awkward with Luke too," said Sam. "He's fifteen and his mum thinks he's with Dylan, not us. She trusts Dylan, but she doesn't even know us. I don't think she'd be happy if they knew we were keeping him here."

"Maybe not, but I think she'd be a lot more unhappy if he was out on the streets!" said Alicia. "Because that's where he might end up, Sam. That's where he was for the first night. We're just really lucky we have an amazing son and Luke felt able to ask him for help."

She glanced at Charlie as she spoke, but the compliment made him flinch.

Alicia shook his head slowly. "Okay. I can see you're serious." She lifted her chin. "I'm sorry you're both unhappy with the current arrangements, I really am, and Charlie, if you really don't want Luke sharing your room, I can put him in the guest room after the children have gone home."

"But it's not your decision, Alicia," said Sam. "It's up to all of us to decide. And I'm so sorry to say this, but it's not just Lily and Luke who are unhappy. We're unhappy too."

* * *

Matilda watched, tears pouring down her face, as Cal sat with Ariana, speaking to her quietly and monitoring her vital signs. Ariana had a headache and she was nauseous and dizzy. Cal had phoned for an ambulance and the gas emergency line as soon as Ariana was clear of the car.

He'd also left Matilda with Ariana briefly while he'd spoken to the owners of the car, expressing his concerns about the fumes. They hadn't appreciated the interference and had slammed the door in his face. Cal had phoned the police too after that. He'd also called off the search for Ariana and broken the news to Max and Zoe, asking them to meet him at the hospital.

"It's okay, Ariana," Cal was saying now. "The ambulance will be here soon and they'll check you over. I'm right here and so's Matilda and we're going to look after you."

Matilda hung her head, aware she hadn't done much to help Ariana at all.

"Keep breathing for me," said Cal. "That's it. Ariana, do you have any heart or breathing problems?"

Ariana shook her head.

"I'm sure everything's okay," said Cal. "But you know what us doctors are like. We can't take any chances and we always like to rule things out."

He was smiling, but Matilda could tell he was worried.

Cal's phone rang. He pulled it out of her pocket, but at that moment, Ariana began vomiting. Matilda drew back involuntarily and hated herself for it.

She wished she wasn't so useless.

"Matilda, could you answer that for me, please?" said Cal. "It's Ethan."

Matilda nodded shakily. She didn't want to go any closer to Ariana, but she couldn't say no to Cal. She ran over, grabbed the phone and retreated hurriedly. "Hi, Ethan. It's Matilda. Cal's helping Ariana. Are you okay?"

"No!" Ethan sounded like he was crying. "They think I stole something and I didn't. I didn't mean to, but it's there! I need Cal."

Matilda looked at Cal and Ariana. Ariana had stopped being sick, but she could see it on the ground beside her. She shuddered.

But Ethan was sobbing.

"I'll get him for you, Ethan. It's okay." Matilda walked over to Cal and Ariana. "Cal, Ethan's being accused of stealing something. He's really upset. Can you talk to him? I'll sit with Ariana."


	42. Chapter 42

**X-Sammii-X** , I think Cal's love and support is the main reason for Matilda's growing maturity, but being away from her parents definitely helps too. Lily and Ethan have fallen apart without each other, so I definitely need to try to sort them out! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , one of the many, many things I love about Casualty is the way the characters help each other, so it's really good to know I've managed to do it in this story. Thank you for your review - Dylan and Luke are together in this chapter so I hope you enjoy it!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad I'm improving and not going the other way! Ariana won't recover from BPD, but I'll try to make things better. It's hard finding a balance between happy endings and reality. Cal's on his way to help Ethan so I'm sure he'll do his best!

 **EDSidekick** , I think most of the Casualty cast are hot! Dylanism is a brilliant word. I'm thrilled you found Ethan's answerphone message funny and I'm sure Cal's laughed at it loads of times. Rita and Iain are just so right together somehow - I didn't see it coming, but they're such a good couple. I suppose Cal and Alicia are both caught in the middle, in different ways! Thank you for both your reviews.

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the Dylans - although she did appear as a baby, she's probably an OC so I really am happy she's liked. I'll see if I can include Rita and Iain more - I love them together, but there's so much going on! I was worried Ethan and Lily's storyline wasn't progressing enough so I'm really happy you like it.

* * *

Cal took Matilda's hands. "Are you sure you're okay for me to go?"

"I'll be fine," said Matilda. "Go on. Ethan needs you."

"I love you." Cal kissed her forehead and started to walk away, leaving Matilda and Ariana with the paramedics.

"Looks like Dr Knight's still got it," said Jez. "Even at his age."

Cal turned back. "She's my daughter, you idiot!"

Matilda would have smiled if she hadn't been so worried about Ariana.

Rocker was trying to talk to Ariana. "Not talking? No problem. I know how to get through to teenage girls. You'll never guess who used to babysit Olivia Cranham-Dixon." Olivia was Dixie's stepdaughter, but she was best known for winning the latest series of _X Factor_.

"Mate, you babysat her _once_ ," said Jez. "And you lost her."

Rocker ignored him, smiling ingratiatingly at Ariana. "Be a good girl for me, Ariana, and I'll sort you out an autograph."

Ariana shrugged. "Dixie already got me one. I wanted Optic Nerve to win anyway."

"Ah, so you're a boyband girl!" said Rocker, smiling. "I used to babysit Harry Styles too."

Ariana looked blank. "Who?"

* * *

Dylan K stared moodily into his coffee. "Sometimes I wish Hazel had given birth to a dog. It would be much easier. I don't know what to do with him. I can't ground him because he won't come home. I can't stop his pocket money because he gets it on some direct debit thing. I can't even ban him from seeing Dylan."

Lofty spoke hesitantly. "Maybe punishing Luke isn't the answer. I know he's behaved badly, but he's had a terrible shock. He wants to blame someone and you're the easy target."

"What was I supposed to do?" said Dylan K. "Not tell him?"

"No, you had to tell him," said Lofty. "But he needs time to process it. The good thing is that he has Dylan. He needs someone to talk to – and like you say, she'll get it out of him if anyone will."

Dylan K sighed. "That's another thing I don't like. What does he want from her?"

Lofty chose his word carefully. "Companionship."

"But he's already got companionship!" said Dylan K.

"I know he's got you but-"

"I didn't mean me," said Dylan K impatiently. "I mean Maya. His other girlfriend. Now can you see the problem?"

* * *

"I know I should be glad she's safe," said Zoe to Max in the relatives' room "I am glad. Of course I'm glad. But I'm already thinking about the next time and the next time. She's going to keep trying, Max, and I don't know how we can-"

They both looked up as Matilda reappeared with Lottie by her side.

Zoe tried to smile at her. "Hi, Lottie. Glad you could come and support Matilda. How's your shoulder?"

"It's fine now, thanks, Zoe," said Lottie. She gave Zoe a hug. "Is there anything I can do? If you wanted a coffee or anything, I could go and get you one, then you won't have to worry about not being here when the doctor comes to get you?"

Zoe shook her head and started to say something about not putting Lottie to any trouble, but Max spoke over her.

"If you're sure you don't mind, Lottie, that would be really good. Here: I'll give you the money." When the two girls had left, Max turned back to his wife. "You're right, Zoe. Ariana is going to keep trying. Perhaps for the rest of her life and you're right: we can't stop her. But we've still got to keep trying. She's our daughter and I know she's caused us a lot of pain and stress, but she's given us a lot of happiness and pride too. Do you remember her SAT results? Do you remember when she starred in her primary school play? Do you remember when she and Lottie used to have dolls tea parties in the garden?"

Despite everything, a smile came to Zoe's lips. "I remember. Do you remember what she called her dolls?"

"Zoe, Connie, Lily, Caledonia and Ethana," said Max. "Ethana was the blonde one with massive boobs and sunglasses."

"Yeah, trust you to remember that one, Max."

Max smiled. "Underneath all that misery and suffering, she's still our little girl. Maybe she has given us a few heart attacks over the years, but she's worth every one of them. And more."

* * *

Louise tried to keep a smile on her face as Noel turned to Honey. "Okay, Honey. Why don't you start?"

Honey opened her heavily-made-up eyes wide. "I want my dad," she said, her voice quivering. "I've had my heart broken again and I feel so lost and alone. I just want my dad to hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I want to be loved. I want to know that not everyone's going to leave me."

Louise felt her hands scrunching into fists. Honey wasn't a great barista or a great beautician, but one thing she did know was how to spin a good sob story.

Noel gave her a hug. "That sounds reasonable, love. Louise, now it's your turn."

 _I want to be able to speak without having my words twisted in some horrible way to make me sound like a bitch._

 _I want to be able to live here and not face constant digs about saggy skin and wrinkles._

 _I want to stop feeling like an intruder in my own home._

 _I want my husband back._

But Louise knew she couldn't say any of these things. Honey would get upset and think she was making a dig. Then Noel would be cross with her. And then he'd refuse to speak to her for days until they found themselves back here again, trying to solve problems without a solution; questions without answers. There was nothing they could do except go round and round again in circles. Or perhaps not a circle. A spiral. Going down and down and down.

"I just want your dad to be happy," said Louise.

Honey's eyes sparkled, but not with tears. "I think it makes my dad really, really happy to have me living with him."

* * *

It took Cal a while to get back to his car and drive to the supermarket, but finally, he was here, sitting beside a clearly-distraught Ethan and wondering what on earth he was going to do.

He put his arm around Ethan. "It's okay, buddy. I'm here now. I'm going to sort this out."

Ethan wiped his nose on a soggy-looking tissue and buried his wet face in Cal's chest. "I don't know what happened! I didn't mean to put it in my bag."

Cal rubbed his back. "Of course you didn't. It's okay. I'll sort this out." Seeing Ethan like this made him want to cry too. "I know you haven't done anything wrong and I'll make sure everyone here knows it as well. Okay?" He smiled at the manager. "I'm afraid it's all been a misunderstanding. My brother would never steal anything, but it's possible he might have put something in his bag absent-mindedly. He's under massive amounts of stress. His wife has left him; he's probably suffering from depression and his son has emotional difficulties too. He's also been trying to look after me and everyone knows I'm a complete handful."

"So, you're saying Dr Hardy has a mental illness."

"He hasn't been diagnosed with one, but he probably is depressed," said Cal. "The last thing he needs is a police investigation. I promise you, Ethan is the very last person who's going to steal from anyone. You've got the item back again so I'm sure there's no need to take this any further." He hugged Ethan closer to him. "Look at him. Does he look like a hardened criminal to you? Or any kind of criminal? He made a mistake and it's hardly surprising when you think about how much he has to deal with. Come on. Why not just let it go? Doesn't it look like he's suffered enough?"

* * *

Lily tucked the bedclothes around the sleeping Caleb and slowly made her way downstairs. He was only a child, but perhaps he was right. Perhaps she did need to speak to Ethan about this.

It would be humiliating, but at least then it would be over. At least Ethan wouldn't keep wanting to know why.

The living room door was closed and she stood uncertainly for a moment. They'd probably closed the door so the children wouldn't be disturbed by the sound of the television.

Lily put her hand on the handle.

"But how can I tell her?" Alicia sounded upset. "How can I tell my best friend she's got to leave?"

Lily snatched her hand from the handle as though it had burned her.

"You've just got to be honest with her," said Sam. "Tell her how we feel."

Charlie spoke next. "I wasn't sure about telling Dad how I felt about Lily being here. But as soon as I told him, I was glad it was out in the open."

Lily slowly backed away from the door.

* * *

Dylan was beginning to wonder if holding hands with Luke was a good idea. It was very nice, but he did make thinking a lot more difficult.

"You need to rest," said Luke.

She loved how concerned he looked. Not many people worried about Dylan. Chloe did, of course. She had a feeling Dylan K did. But no-one else ever had. She didn't think it had occurred to Matilda, Ariana and Lottie to worry about her. They all knew Dylan could take care of herself.

"I can rest later," said Dylan. "First, we need to talk about Dylan."

Luke's expression changed from concerned to cross.

"If we don't, I might lie awake worrying about it," said Dylan craftily.

"I can't imagine you lying awake, worrying," said Luke.

Dylan raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure you ought to be imagining me in bed at all."

"You have been in bed – or at least on a sofa – for most of our relationship," said Luke.

Dylan decided that maybe she could understand why Ariana was always so ecstatic when she got a new boyfriend. "Relationship?"

"I'd like it to be," said Luke.

"Me too," said Dylan. There was no point in lying. "But your brother is my friend and he's really unhappy. It's not even as though it's his fault. He's not responsible for your dad's actions. So why are you so angry with Dylan?"


	43. Chapter 43

**X-Sammii-X** , I would love it if the producers brought Matilda back - I really hope she wasn't just a plot device to lead into the Huntington's storyline. She could easily be brought back as a patient, then they can take it from there! I've already told you, but in case anyone else is confused, Alicia's husband Sam is Sam Bateman, not Strachan. Thank you for your review - I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think all writers want to make readers feel emotion and I always feel emotion when someone as innocent and sweet and lovely as Ethan is being hurt. I should think it's fairly easy to make Honey cry, but real tears are a different matter! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the twists. I can definitely see Dylan misunderstanding Luke's relationship situation, so there are lots of possibilities there. That's true: we know Ethan, but the people at the shop won't know his character or Cal's sincerity. Thank you for your review.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , Cal doesn't always do his best for Ethan, but I like to think he came through for him there. I don't suppose I could name the members of the most famous boyband when I was born! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm so flattered and so happy you ship two characters I pretty much invented! I think Luke does really care about Dylan, but she won't be happy if he has another girlfriend.

 **pinkginger** , Max is whiny and annoying in this story, but maybe he is finally starting to grow up now he and Zoe are working together instead of blaming each other for their own unhappiness. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm glad you liked Max's love for Ariana. He and Zoe should love her whatever and there is lots to love, I hope. Just like Cal loves Ethan whatever - and there's lots of 'whatever' at the moment. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lottie wrapped her arms tightly around Matilda. "Don't cry, Tilly. It's okay. Look: Ariana's fine."

Matilda knew Ariana wasn't fine and she never would be, or not for long.

"Where's Cal?" whispered Ariana. She turned her head, but the movement seemed to make her dizzy and she closed her eyes, her head returning to its original place on the table. "He was there. He found me."

Matilda wiped her eyes. "He went to find Ethan. Ethan's not very well at the moment." She hesitated, then decided there was no harm in telling them what Cal had told her. If it was okay for someone like her to know, it must be okay for people who were much nicer than she was to know as well. "He decided to go shopping because we were running out of food, but he was so depressed, he put one of the items into his bag instead of the basket."

Lottie looked upset. "Poor Ethan. Is that Dr Hardy? That's so sad."

"It is sad," said Zoe. "I really wanted him to be clinical lead when Connie left. Theoretically, he's perfect for the job. But he took over the job for a couple of days and he's fallen apart."

"Zoe, shall we focus on Ariana now?" said Max.

Zoe looked guilty. "Yes. Of course. Sorry, Ariana."

"Will I end up like Ethan?" Ariana looked frightened. "Will that happen when I go shopping? Will I be able to go shopping? I love shopping!"

"You know mental illness affects different people in different ways," said Zoe. "But Ethan doesn't have BPD. His wife's left him. It's really hit him hard."

Ariana nodded. "It also hits you hard when your dad keeps trying to leave." Then she looked horrified at what she'd said. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm bad. I'm sorry."

* * *

Luke let go of Dylan's hand and started picking at the edge of his sling. "Dylan reminds me of my dad."

"They're both male, I suppose," said Dylan. "But if you look at it like that, you remind me of your dad too."

Luke tensed. "Don't say that! I'm nothing like him! I can't be. I can't be."

Dylan took his hand again. "No. Of course you're not. But my point is that neither is Dylan. Have you ever known Dylan to hit anyone?"

"It's not just about that."

"Of course not, but answer the question for starters."

"No. I've never known him to hit anyone."

"Has he ever upset, frightened or intimidated your mum?"

Luke hesitated. "Dad said he put a lot of pressure on her when she was expecting me."

Dylan nodded. "And we're accepting the word of a violent bully because…"

"It might be true!" said Luke defensively.

"It might, but there's no evidence for it," said Dylan. "We want evidence. If you can give me some evidence, I'll listen to you."

Luke squirmed in his seat. "He's weird. Weird people are dangerous."

"Do you think I'm dangerous?" said Dylan.

Luke smiled. "Only for my heart."

Dylan's own heart quivered at that (or rather it didn't, as the feeling of emotion didn't come from her heart at all). "Do you think I'm dangerous physically?"

"Of course not," said Luke. "But you're not weird."

Dylan started to laugh. "You seriously think that? My God, you really must be in love with me." She stopped laughing abruptly. "You might want to pretend I didn't say that. That's what I'm going to do."

* * *

The door slammed. Alicia froze. Her gaze went slowly to Sam's. "Do you think…"

"Go and see," said Sam. "I'll check on the kids."

Alicia ran out of the house. Lily's car was still there and she ran towards it in relief, but there was no sign of Lily.

She ran a little way down the road in both directions, but the street seemed deserted. At last, she returned to Sam. He was in the living room with Charlie, a grave expression on his face.

"Are the kids okay?" asked Alicia anxiously.

"They're fine," said Sam. "But Lily's not in the house."

"I didn't see her either." Alicia began to tremble. "It's my fault. She must have overheard."

Sam put his arms around her. "I'm the one who said she should move out. It's not your fault, babe. It's not."

* * *

Dylan K didn't move. He wanted to get away, but he couldn't.

He felt Lofty's arms go around him. "He didn't mean it, Dylan. He's upset." Lofty walked him around the corner. "Wait here. I'll tell Luke it's time to go. Then you can talk to Dylan."

Dylan K didn't want to see Dylan. Not now. Not when his emotions felt so battered and squashed. But he couldn't find the words to tell Lofty.

He heard Lofty speaking to Luke. "I'm sorry, Luke, but visiting hours ended a while ago and Dylan's mum wants to see her again before she goes. You can come back tomorrow."

"She needs me!" said Luke.

"I most certainly do not!" That was Dylan. "I like you a lot, but that doesn't mean I can't cope without you."

Luke argued a bit more, but eventually, Dylan persuaded him to go and Lofty returned to Dylan K.

"You can go in now," he said. "I'll give you fifteen minutes, then I'll find Dylan's mum."

Dylan K nodded and went into the cubicle.

"Hey, Dylan." Dylan smiled at him. "I'm afraid I haven't had much luck, but I'm not giving up… oh God. You heard, didn't you?"

Dylan K stared at her. "How do you know?"

"I can tell just by looking at you," said Dylan. "I know you've had a bad shock and nothing can be worse than what Luke said."

She held out her hand. Dylan K had taken it in his own before he'd realised he'd moved.

"But I hope you also heard what I said," said Dylan. "Luke's wrong. You're nothing like your dad. I know you've had a lot of stress in your life, Dylan. You grew up with your dad, just like Luke did. I know you feel different from other people, which is a lonely feeling. I think perhaps you also have OCD, or a similar condition."

Dylan K didn't even feel surprised this time. He'd probably the first person to touch her. Perhaps that was why she understood him. "The day you're wrong, I will be very worried."

"Oh, I'm wrong sometimes," said Dylan. "But what I'm about to say is right. You've had stress in your life, but you've never become violent or a bully. If that was in your character, Dylan, I believe it would have come out. It hasn't."

"I do hurt people," said Dylan K. "With my words."

"Everyone hurts people with their words," said Dylan. "Thinking before speaking doesn't always come naturally – and even when it does, it doesn't always help. Overthinking – or a simple and understandable lack of knowledge: we can't know everything, Dylan – can be just as harmful as not thinking at all." She squeezed his hand. "We're not always going to get it right. That doesn't make us bad. But bullying is something else."

* * *

Cal helped Ethan to snuggle down and tucked him in. "There you are, Nibbles. Now, you have a good sleep. I hope you'll feel a bit better tomorrow, but no matter how you feel, I'm going to be here."

Ethan looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes. "Thanks, Cal."

"You're welcome." Cal stroked his hair. "I know today was awful, but things like that happen sometimes. To everyone. It's a sign you're pushing yourself too hard. So stop pushing and let me look after you."

Fear came into Ethan's eyes. "What if I don't get better?"

"You will," said Cal. He leaned over and kissed Ethan's forehead. "Close your eyes for me, Nibbles? That's right. I'll be here till you're asleep."

Cal waited till Ethan's breathing was deep and regular, then he got off the bed as noiselessly as he could and went into Matilda's room.

"How is he?" Matilda asked anxiously as she wiped tears from her cheeks.

"He's asleep now, darling. He's exhausted." Cal sat beside her and hugged her tightly. "You need to sleep too."

Matilda rested her head against his chest. "Do I have to speak to the police tomorrow, Cal?"

"Not if you don't feel ready," said Cal. "I know you're worried about Ariana, Dylan and Ethan. That's probably enough for you for now."

"I know Dylan will be okay," said Matilda. "She always is okay. But Ariana never will be, and Ethan…"

"Ethan's been depressed before," said Cal. "Usually when he's struggling with work. He always gets through it. And I know it doesn't seem like it, but Ariana's got through it every time too. She's been unhappy enough to die – but she's still here and even though she thinks about it a lot, there's a difference between thinking and planning, and a difference between planning and carrying out your plans. Almost all the time, Ariana fights her feelings. She's very strong. Just like my beautiful daughter."

Matilda laughed. "I'm not beautiful or strong. You're just saying that because you're my d…" She stopped. "I mean…"

"I am your dad," said Cal, and almost cried with happiness when she hugged him still tighter. "But that doesn't mean I'm not right occasionally. Ask your Uncle Ethan when he's better."

* * *

Robyn smiled and held out one arm as Lofty came through the door – her other arm was holding Noah. "Hey, gorgeous. How was your day?"

"Better now I'm home," said Lofty. He kissed Noah, then his wife.

Robyn hugged him. "Did anything happen?"

"Dylan had a bit of a rough day, but he'll be okay," said Lofty.

Robyn kissed him. "We should invite him round for dinner sometime. I know he'll probably say no and that's okay, but I want him to know he's welcome."

Lofty smiled. "So what have you been doing with yourselves today?"

"We went down to the lake," said Robyn.

Lofty frowned. "What: just you and a boatful of babies?"

"Of course not," said Robyn. "Alicia and Lily went too."

As soon as she said it, she felt as though the breath had gone from her body. Why had she said that? Why hadn't she said she'd made a new friend? Lofty wouldn't mind that Louis was a guy.

But she could put it right now. She could tell Lofty someone else was there as well. "Lofty, it wasn't-"

Lofty kissed her neck. "Wasn't what?"

Robyn giggled nervously. "I can't remember what I was going to say now. Let's go and find the others."


	44. Chapter 44

_I hope what I've done with Ethan's storyline is okay and not insensitive._

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid it won't get any easier for Ethan in this chapter.

 **ETWentHome** , you'll find out something about where Lily's gone in this chapter. I'm glad you like Cal and Matilda's relationship. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the moment when Matilda called Cal 'Dad'! I'm sure it made Cal smile too, despite his worries about Ethan, who won't be okay quite yet... I'm sorry you're finding writing difficult. I hope it will get easier soon. I love your stories. If anyone else is reading, please check out X-Sammii-X's stories.

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review. I feel like I haven't quite 'got' Luke's character yet, so it's really good to know you like him. Cal must have been so happy. Ethan is the sweetest person on the planet, but things aren't getting better. That would be so amazing if two characters I'd (almost) corrected had a ship name!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Lofty might be one of the few who would be happy to give Louis another chance, but things are a bit different as his children are involved. You can never be sure what Dylan K will do! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm afraid this chapter is a little bit lacking in Luke and Dylan, but I'll make up for that in the next one! I love Cal's caring side - he's always had it, but I think he's more comfortable showing it now. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I don't think there's such a thing as the perfect wife - though Ethan might think Lily's perfect! Zoe and Max really needed telling and they will start sorting things out soon. I'm glad you feel Robyn's friendship with Louis seems innocent - but anything you're hiding is always suspicious. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to Gingersnaps2507 for the favourite._

* * *

A gritty, sore feeling in Lily's eyes told her she hadn't taken her contact lenses out. There was a pounding in her head and her stomach was churning. She was sure she wasn't in her own bed.

A moment later, she realised she couldn't be in Alicia's spare bed either.

Lily closed her eyes again and tried to remember. There had been a pub. There had been alcohol. There had been a man...

Lily pressed a hand to her mouth. The nausea that rose in her throat wasn't entirely due to the effects of the alcohol.

 _Oh, please, no. Tell me I didn't…_

* * *

Rita was getting ready for work when she heard the scream.

It was a long, drawn-out: "Noooooooo!" that could have been funny. The kind of noise Iain sometimes made when he looked at the football results.

But this wasn't funny.

There was a chill in Rita's heart as she dropped her bag on the kitchen floor and raced up to Alfie's room, breaking her rule of never going in without knocking. "Alfie, what's happened?"

Alfie broke _his_ own rule of always screaming at any parent who didn't knock. "She's done it again, Mum."

Rita put a hand on his shoulder and leaned over to look at the computer screen – another rule broken.

"Carbon monoxide poisoning." Alfie's voice was shaking.

Rita hugged him. "I'll ring the hospital now. We don't know it's true, but if it is, it's not your fault. Okay?" But her eyes were dropping lower, looking at the other updates.

 _Matilda Meadowes, who is FIFTEEN, is still shacked up with fortysomething Dr Caleb Knight._

 _Dylan Wilkinson-Brae has confirmed her relationship with Luke Leyton, but has he told Maya Wescott?_

 _Lottie Andrews claims she was 'trying to help' married couple Louise and Noel Garcia, but are her intentions as innocent as they seem?_

"Alfie, you know this is just gossip, don't you?" said Rita. "I know it's shocking and upsetting to read about, but that doesn't mean it's true."

"I know," said Alfie unhappily. "But it usually is true, isn't it?"

Rita couldn't argue with that.

* * *

Matilda couldn't stop smiling as she told Lottie about Cal. "He really is so lovely. I can't believe he actually wants to be my dad. He even believes me about my parents. No grown-up has ever believed me before! He's so kind and supportive. He helped me find Ariana and he looked after her and he knew exactly what to do. He's looking after Ethan now. He has so many people to look after, but he makes time for all of us."

At first, she thought the concern on Lottie's face was for Ethan, but then she touched Matilda's arm and lowered her voice. "Tilly, he does sound really amazing and he's always been very nice to me. But… I'm really sorry, but I'm worried."

"Worried?" said Matilda, startled. "Lottie, this is the first time in my life I've felt safe."

Lottie looked upset. "I know, Tilly. I know. I feel so bad for saying this, but he's an adult and you're fifteen. He's doing a kind thing, but it's not a sensible, responsible, legal thing. He should have told the police where you were. They need to know you're safe. They could be out looking for you right now!"

Matilda shook her head sadly. "I don't think my parents have even reported me missing. We saw them a few days ago, having a family meal out. Without me."

"I'm so sorry," said Lottie. "They really are awful. But please, Matilda. You don't want to jump from one bad situation into another. Cal's breaking the law. Even if he really cares about you, he could get into trouble, and that could cause problems for you too." Lottie hugged her tightly. "I don't want anything else to happen to you."

* * *

It still surprised Dylan K when Dylan smiled at him. He wasn't used to getting that reaction, particularly not from his patients.

"How are you?" she asked. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Dylan, I think those are the doctor's questions. You're the patient."

"Yes, but we're also both human beings," said Dylan. "You were upset last night and I care about you, so naturally, I'm concerned."

Dylan K thought the emotion he was feeling was gratitude. So few people had ever really cared about him. "I am well. Thank you. I slept reasonably well. Now perhaps you could remember you're the patient and answer the same questions yourself."

"I also feel well, and I slept very well, thank you," said Dylan. "And in answer to the question you're about to ask, yes, Luke did come back after you left, but as he wasn't supposed to be there, I told him I was tired and he went away."

Dylan K didn't know how she did it. He often didn't know what people were asking even after they'd asked him. "I'll just check your readings."

"I've already done it," said Dylan. "Temperature: 39 degrees. Pulse rate: 78. Blood pressure-"

"As I'm sure you must know, considering you know everything else," said Dylan K, "the doctor has to check the readings himself."

Dylan opened her mouth.

"Exactly. Or _her_ self." Dylan K wondered if his shock was showing on his face. It seemed incredible enough that Dylan could understand him, but for him to be able to predict what she was about to say... He turned quickly to look at the monitor. "In any case, you're incorrect. Your pulse rate is only 77."

"My God, you'd better get me to Resus!" said Dylan. "I'm clearly bradycardic."

Dylan K frowned. "A pulse rate of 77 is hardly… ah. I see. Sarcasm."

"I thought you might recognise it," said Dylan.

"I can also recognise when a patient is ready to be discharged," said Dylan K.

Dylan looked slightly disappointed. "Are you sure? You couldn't keep me in a bit longer?"

Dylan looked at her in concern. "You said you were feeling all right."

"I am," said Dylan. "But I'm still a bit worried about you, Dylan, and if I stay here, we'll be able to talk."

"So you're suggesting I should allow a bed to be taken by a patient who doesn't need it," said Dylan K.

"No: I'm suggesting you let me sit in the staff room," said Dylan. "With a text book in case I get bored."

"What would you do, Dylan, if a patient in your hospital made such a suggestion?"

Dylan smiled. "It would depend on who they were and what their reasons were. Not all patients are alike, you know."

Dylan K sighed. "You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"Yes," replied Dylan promptly. She smiled. "Rhetorical questions included."

* * *

Robyn opened the door and felt immediately wary.

"I know what you're thinking," said Louis. "Showing up on your doorstep twice in two days is a bit creepy and I wouldn't blame you if you told me to go away."

Robyn, who had been thinking it was slightly odd, immediately felt guilty. "No, of course not! It's lovely to see you again."

Louis smiled. His voice was soft. "It's lovely to see you too, Robyn. It really is." He smiled as Riley appeared and wrapped his arms around him. "And it's lovely to see _you_ , young man."

"Can we go in your car?" said Riley.

Robyn started to reprimand him gently, but Louis just laughed. "Well, it's up to your mummy, Riley, but when I was reading my paper this morning, I found some vouchers for the model railway. If you buy two adult tickets, you can get up to three child tickets free. Today only. Babies are always free. If Lofty's not working today, then great. You can all go together. But if he is working, it seems a shame to miss out."

"Yes," admitted Robyn. "It would."

* * *

Ethan leaned back against the headboard, letting the tears drip down his cheeks.

Cal took Ethan's hand in both of his. "Don't cry, Ethan. It's going to be okay. Lily will come home."

"It's probably better if she doesn't," sniffed Ethan.

Cal looked doubly upset. "What are you talking about? Don't you want her to come home?"

"Of course I do," said Ethan. He began to sob. "I love her, Cal. I love her so much. But she's better off without me. I never should have married her. I never should have let her have kids with me. It was stupid. It was sefish. It was cruel."

"Ethan, don't talk like that!" Cal put his arm around Ethan. "Where's this coming from? I know you've had a really bad couple of weeks. I know you're depressed. I know last night frightened the life out of you and I'm not surprised." Cal tried to see into Ethan's eyes. "But you'll get better, Ethan. I promise."

"But what if I don't!" cried Ethan.

"Of course you will," said Cal soothingly. "You always get depressed when you go through a different time at work. And you've always recovered."

Ethan shook his head as more tears fell. "Cal, can you really not see what's happening?"

Cal looked at him for a moment and comprehension came into his eyes. He looked frightened, then he shook his head firmly. "No, Ethan. It's not the Huntington's. It can't be. You've been cured."

Ethan shook his head. "I haven't been cured, Cal. It was never a cure. I've been taking the medication, but you know it's just experimental. They have no idea if it will stop the symptoms from developing or just delay them. They don't know if it will even work." Ethan lifted his head so he could look at Cal. "And it's not working for me."

"You can't know that!" There were tears in Cal's eyes. "What symptoms have you got? I mean, depression, sure, but there's a reason for that. You're not aggressive. You haven't had any personality changes, apart from being depressed. You're not clumsy. Your speech is fine. You haven't got any symptoms, Ethan!"

"I'm getting forgetful and confused!" Ethan felt his shoulders heaving as he cried. "I put that thing in my bag. I'm struggling at work. I-"

"Anyone would struggle at work if they were depressed!" said Cal. "And everyone does silly things when they're distracted. That's all it is, Ethan. Depression. You're cured."

Ethan hit his hands against the duvet in frustration. "But we don't know that, Cal."

Cal's tears were falling now. "No, you're going to be okay, Ethan. You've got to!"

"Cal, you need to accept it," sobbed Ethan. "The symptoms are coming and there's nothing we can do." He let his head drop onto Cal's shoulder. "Nothing in the world."


	45. Chapter 45

**EDSidekick** , I didn't see the twist at the end coming either! I didn't know about the Huntington's when I started the story and I didn't know who had it till the envelopes were open. It would have been much easier to include if it was Cal. It won't be easy for Cal to prove his relationship with Matilda is innocent. Thank you for your review.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. That's an interesting idea about Lily sleeping with Ethan. Ethan is more realistic than Cal, but it must still be devastating to learn the treatment might not be working.

 **ETWentHome** , it would definitely make a horrible situation even worse if Lily has cheated on Ethan, but she was feeling desperate and very alone. I haven't decided yet if Ethan's getting symptoms. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm so happy you like Dylan so much! I love writing her, but I think you're smart, intelligent and beautiful too, and you write really lovely reviews, which Dylan never has! Thank you for your review - and for encouraging me to make Dylan into a more important character.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'd love to be a writer for Casualty. That would be my dream job! Either that or starring in it as Cal's girlfriend or Ethan's girlfriend or both! Matilda has changed - Cal's always been the perfect dad for her.

 **Tanith Panic** , everything might be fine once Lily and Ethan have actually talked to each other, but Lily's so stubborn! Poor Lofty has a difficult time ahead of him. I'm glad you like the Dylans' friendship. I love Dylan K and he deserves to have more friends who appreciate him. Thank you for your review.

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan would probably appreciate your hugs! I'm glad you find Cal and Matilda's relationship adorable. I've tried not to make it dodgy, but it's an unusual situation! That's one of the problems with Robyn keeping secrets from Lofty - secrets always do get blown out of proportion!

* * *

Dylan was bored with resting. Her mother's definition of resting and her own did not coincide. She wished she'd managed to talk Dylan K into letting her stay at the hospital, but she decided it was probably good for her to have a friend who didn't do quite everything she told him.

"How about we watch a DVD together?" suggested Chloe.

"I've got that new DVD about anal surgery," said Dylan.

Chloe shuddered. "Oh, no! I mean, I'm sure it's very interesting, but you'll have to watch that one on your own. How about a romcom?"

Dylan would usually have agreed to it, but she'd just got out of hospital and wasn't quite as strong as usual. "I think I feel sick enough already without adding that to the mix."

"Okay: how about a nice book?"

"I'm reading _War and Peace_ ," said Dylan. "It's a fascinating study of collective insanity. Is that the doorbell?"

Chloe went to answer it. "Dylan, it's Luke. Do you feel well enough for visitors?"

Dylan experienced a most uncharacteristic urge to jump up and down and squeal. She resisted it. "Yes, I think I could cope with seeing Luke."

* * *

Cal closed Ethan's door behind him and let the tears pour down his face. He had known, of course, that the Huntington's treatment was only experimental, but Cal had always had a talent for talking himself into believing almost anything.

He stumbled towards his room, half-blinded by tears, and pushed the door open, sobbing slightly as he went inside.

He heard a gasp. "Cal? What's wrong?" Matilda ran over to him and hugged him. "Are you worried about Ethan?"

Cal tried to choke back his sobs. "I'm sorry. I forgot this was your room."

He tried to pull away from her, but Matilda was holding him too tightly. "Cal, I'm going to be your daughter and I love you. I always want to be here for you when you're sad."

* * *

Lily tried to remember his face. She had a feeling she knew him, but that didn't make sense. She couldn't think of anyone she knew who might take advantage of her drunken state. Most of them were married anyway.

Although so was she…

Lily felt a flood of remorse. Ethan didn't deserve this. He'd made mistakes, but he was a wonderful dad, brother and husband. Not to mention doctor.

"Lily."

Lily jumped violently. She hadn't heard him enter. How long had he been there, watching her? She stayed where she was, her back to him, not wanting to see the man with whom she'd betrayed her husband. Her head continued to vibrate, her terror and distress magnifying the pain, but she knew she deserved it.

"Lily." The bedsprings creaked and a hand touched her shoulder.

Lily cringed. He'd touched her shoulder last night too, but where else had he touched her? She couldn't remember.

"I brought you some breakfast."

Lily turned slowly and saw the man sitting on the bed, holding out the tray. A man she hadn't seen for years, but had once known quite well. A man she'd once tried to kiss. "Ash," she said.

* * *

Charlie groaned as his door crashed open. How was he supposed to get any work done with all these kids around the place? "What now, Daisy?"

"This can't go on," said Daisy.

"You're telling me it can't go on," growled Charlie.

He thought Daisy probably had got the hint, but she chose to ignore it. "I need your help. You wouldn't have been my first choice, but you're the nearest thing to a grown-up in the house so you'll have to do."

Charlie sighed. "What is it? A spider in your bedroom?"

Daisy rolled her eyes. "Don't be silly. As if I'd care about that. Caleb's under the bed. He's crying and he won't come out."

"And what makes you think I'd be able to help?" said Charlie, trying to fight his panic at the thought of tears. He'd never been able to understand how Alfie had coped with dating Ariana.

"You're the nearest thing we've got to a grown-up," said Daisy. "And I think it's time you started to act like it."

* * *

Zoe and Max sat side-by-side on the sofa. It was a place they'd sat before, many times, but it felt alien to Zoe. Perhaps because of the gap between them.

"Right. Let's sort this out," said Max. "You want to go back to work."

Zoe nodded. "I really do, Max. I miss it so much. Sitting around at home… it makes me feel like I'm only half a person. I know I gave up work for Ariana and if I felt I was helping in some way, it would be worth it. But I'm not helping. If anything, I'm making it worse. Not working makes me feel so stressed and unhappy – and Ariana picks up on that."

Max shook his head. "Zoe, don't talk like that."

Zoe felt a spurt of anger. "Well, it's how I feel, Max! I want to work and you need to deal with that."

"I didn't mean that," said Max, with an exaggerated calm that showed he was angry. "I accept what you said about work. What I mean is, I don't want you to feel you're making things worse. You're not."

"How do you know?" said Zoe. "Ariana's the only person who could tell us that."

"Then maybe we should speak to her," said Max. "Include her in this discussion. Let her have a say in the decisions we make."

Zoe stared at him in amazement. Had Max had a personality transplant?

"Yeah. Okay. Maybe I'm not completely being my usual self," said Max. "But sometimes you've just got to grow up, Zoe. Yeah, it bothers me when you're earning more than me. Yeah, I feel inadequate knowing you're a consultant but I'm always on the lowest rung of the ladder and I can't get any higher. But that's nothing compared with the thought of losing Ariana."

* * *

Luke went over to the sofa and gave Dylan a kiss. "I've missed you."

"I suppose I did have some awareness of the fact you weren't here," said Dylan.

Luke laughed and kissed her again. "You're funny. You remind me a bit of my-" He stopped and frowned.

"If you mean your brother, I'm taking it as a compliment," said Dylan. "Now. Speaking of your brother. I keep asking you why you hate him, but I think that's the wrong question. The question I really want to ask is this. _Do_ you hate him?"

Luke tensed. "Why do you always want to talk about him?"

"Because I care about your brother and I'm not completely indifferent to you and I want you to get on," said Dylan. "Do you hate him?"

"Of course I don't," muttered Luke. "But he won't tell me where my mum is and I want to know."

Dylan nodded. "Do you want to go and see her?"

"Of course I do!" said Luke. "She's my mum and she's been hurt. I want to look after her."

Dylan found his wobbly lip and teary eyes quite enchanting. She stroked his hand. "It will probably be upsetting seeing how badly hurt she is."

"I don't care. I need to see her," said Luke.

"Then we need a plan of action," said Dylan. She took his hand and he didn't object. She stroked it gently. "The easiest way is to ask Dylan, so that's our Plan A. If he still won't tell you - and I'm more than happy to speak to him myself – then we can try other ways. Such as trying to trace her mobile. Calling hospitals in the area. Getting in touch with her friends. How does that sound?"

Luke's answer was a kiss.

* * *

Matilda led Cal to the bed and hugged him tightly, hoping she was doing the right thing. It hurt her to see him so upset, but there wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be. She held him in her arms until he'd stopped crying, then she gave him a tissue and sat with her arm around him until he was ready to speak.

"Okay," said Cal at last. "Have you heard of Huntington's?"

Matilda thought for a moment. "I think Dylan mentioned it once, but I can't remember what it is."

She listened as Cal explained simply and clearly but not patronisingly. "Does that make sense?" he asked as he wiped away more tears.

"It makes perfect sense," Matilda assured him. "But you don't have to tell me more till you're ready."

Cal wiped his nose. "I'm okay. But thanks. You're a great daughter." He kissed her forehead gently. "Ethan and I were adopted. It's a long story, so I'll just tell you the basics now. Our biological mother, Emilie, had it. She wasn't able to contact us to tell us she had it, but one of the nurses at the hospital, a very good mate of mine who died a couple of years ago, helped me to track her down. So we took the tests and Ethan came out positive."

Matilda's eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry. Poor Ethan. And it must be awful for you too. But isn't there a cure now?"

"There is a treatment which seems successful short-term, but long-term, we can't be sure," said Cal. "Ethan started the treatment about eight years ago and so far, the symptoms haven't developed – which, at his age, is a good sign."

"Does he still test positive?" asked Matilda, hoping that wasn't a stupid question.

"He does, but the treatment doesn't alter you genetically. It just blocks the gene," explained Cal. "So far, it has a 99% success rate, but we can't be sure yet if that's because the treatment is working; because the treatment has only delayed the onset of symptoms rather than blocking them altogether; or because they happened to choose subjects who weren't going to get symptoms until late on anyway. Ethan has to go for regular tests and check-ups to assess whether he's showing symptoms."

"Do any of his children have the gene?" asked Matilda. "If I'm not being too nosy?"

"Lily had pre-implantation genetic diagnosis," said Cal. "The embryos were grown in a test tube and tested for the gene. Once they had an embryo without the gene, it was implanted into Lily's uterus. It's basically IVF treatment, only for different reasons. It's controversial, but Ethan wasn't prepared to have kids if there was a chance of passing on the gene."

"But Ethan's getting symptoms now?" said Matilda softly. She hugged Cal again.

Cal sniffed and hugged her back. "He thinks so. I'm not sure. So far, all his symptoms are psychological or emotional. I assumed he was just suffering from depression. He's always been prone to it. But Ethan's a doctor and he knows his body. I'm scared, Matilda. I don't want to lose him."


	46. Chapter 46

**X-Sammii-X** , it would have been interesting if Lily had slept with Cal! Sleeping with his brother's wife... that's worryingly easy to imagine! The change in Matilda has even surprised me! Thank you for your review.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked Matilda comforting Cal. He's loved her and protected her and comforted her, but I tried to make it so he treated her as an equal too.

 **EDSidekick** , I was slightly annoyed when I realised Sam's son was called Charlie - I could see the potential for confusion! And there have been so many Sams in Casualty (your Sam is my favourite). That's an interesting idea about Dylan needing teenage fun - I like it! Max and Zoe make a good team, but there is still work to do. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm so glad you liked what I've done with the Huntington's storyline. It was actually really good to have another reason for Ethan's complete collapse. It might take Max a while to get the hang of this maturity business, but at least he's made a start. The Lily and Ash scene was difficult so I'm glad it worked. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - and I love long reviews, so don't worry! I'm still devastated Ethan has the gene - but it did give Cal the chance to confide in Matilda and Matilda the chance to comfort him. I'm afraid there's not much Dylan in this chapter, but I hope you'll still enjoy it. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Alicia was in Resus when she felt her phone vibrate. Twenty minutes passed before she was able to call Charlie back. "Hey, Charlie. Are you all right?"

"No, Alicia, I'm not." Charlie was in full teenage strop mode now. "Look. If you want to offer a home to every waif and stray in Holby, that's your business. But they're not my responsibility. My girlfriend is coming over in exactly one hour and ten minutes – I would have given you an hour and a half if you'd actually answered your phone – and unless you want Lily's kids to get a very big surprise, I suggest you get them out of here as soon as possible." With that, he ended the call.

Several thoughts went through Alicia's mind. The first was that she'd had no idea Charlie had a girlfriend. The second was to panic about exactly what he meant by a 'big' surprise.

She phoned Lily, Ethan and Cal, but none of them answered. Neither did Sam. He often didn't answer the phone when Alicia had unwelcome news for him. It was a shame he wasn't so psychic when she was trying to drop hints about her birthday.

Alicia stood in the St James' staff room, wondering what to do, but then a name came into her mind.

She searched through her phone for the letter J.

* * *

"Lily," said Ash. "I'm not sure how much you remember about last night."

"I remember everything," said Lily untruthfully.

"Good," said Ash. "I think we've had quite a good time. You've really improved with age, Dr Chao. Or is it Dr Hardy now?"

Lily was spluttering with rage when a third person entered the bedroom.

Ash's daughter Ella.

Who also happened to be one of Lily's subordinates at the hospital.

"Oh my God!" shrieked Ella when she saw Lily. "Dad, are you seriously telling me you slept with my boss? My _married_ boss? Like it's not embarrassing enough that you go clubbing at all at your age!" Her voice dropped as she turned to Lily. "Dr Hardy, I've always looked up to you and wanted to be like you. But… how could you do this to my dad? And to Ethan?"

* * *

Ethan could see Cal had been crying. He felt guilty, but Cal needed to know the truth and it wasn't Ethan's fault Cal had talked himself into believing the impossible again.

"Listen, Ethan. You can't assume the symptoms are starting just because you've been forgetting things recently," said Cal. "It's only been a few weeks that you've been struggling – and in that time, your wife has left you, your niece has moved in – not that Matilda's any trouble, but it is emotional finding her again – and we've been very short-staffed at work."

"Maybe," said Ethan heavily, "but there was some deterioration the last time I went for a check-up."

Cal's eyes widened, showing first shock, then hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to upset you," said Ethan. "And they did say there would be some fluctuation, especially if I was tired or ill. I did have a slight cold that day."

"Then that's why your scores were low," said Cal.

Ethan sighed. Why did his brother always try so hard to believe the impossible, instead of using his energy to deal with what was right in front of him? "But even taking that into account, they were low. And when you consider what's been happening since then… I'll show you the letter."

He moved to the edge of his bed and looked at his bedside table, surprised he'd left it in such a mess – but he hadn't been himself for a while. He took a folder from the top of the pile and put it on the bed, then he put a pile of papers on his lap and started to look through it.

"There's a letter here," said Cal.

"Is it from the research centre?" asked Ethan, but Cal didn't answer. Ethan turned to find his brother staring at the letter.

"Ethan." Cal's voice sounded odd. "This letter is offering you the clinical lead job."

* * *

Lofty pressed his hands to his aching temples and wondered how long it was until lunch. Not that he had any interest in food at the moment –the thought of it made him slightly queasy – but the idea of sitting down and not doing any work was very appealing at the moment.

He saw Dylan K coming and hastily dropped his hands. The violence of the movement made his head throb, but he knew there was a chance Dylan K wouldn't notice. Lofty knew better than most how lovely he really was, but noticing when something was wrong with his colleagues still wasn't one of his top skills.

"Ben, what's wrong?" said Dylan K, stopping in front of him.

"Nothing," said Lofty, but his voice sounded weak. "I'm fine."

Dylan K looked carefully at him. "You've got a headache."

"It's nothing," said Lofty.

"I think you should go and have a break," said Dylan K. "If you're not feeling better in half an hour or so, you'd better go home. You don't look much good to anyone at the moment. I'll bring you a paracetamol."

"I've already had some," said Lofty. He realised he was touching his head again. "Stronger than a paracetamol, actually."

"Then you're definitely going home," said Dylan K. "And as I haven't had a break yet, I'll go with you."

* * *

Noel had a sinking feeling.

His day had started so well. Louise was being so sweet and polite to Honey, he barely recognised her. Honey was bubbly and chirpy and back to her old self. Noel was glad they'd managed to clear the air at last. All he wanted was for his two girls to get on.

But when there were a couple of policemen walking towards you, looking officious rather than injured, it was clear your day was about to go downhill rapidly.

He hoped Big Mac hadn't got himself into trouble again. He never meant to do anything wrong, but he got confused sometimes.

"Hi, can I help you?" he said.

The policewoman showed her badge. "We're looking for a Dr Caleb Knight. We understand he works here."

"Yeah, he does usually, but he's not in today," said Noel. "His brother, Dr Hardy, and his sister-in-law, Dr Hardy, aren't here either."

"Thanks for your help, Mr… Garcia. We'll try Dr Knight at his home."

* * *

Rita wished she knew more about computers. Alfie knew a lot more than she did, but the less time he spend on facebook, the better as far as she was concerned.

There were a couple of new gossip items. Ariana was still in hospital after her suicide attempt (Rita already knew that). Dylan had sneaked out of her house to have sex with Luke (Rita snorted: Dylan might be mature for her age, but not in that way).

The next one was more of a concern. The police had been informed about Matilda's disappearance and were searching for both her and Cal.

It concerned Rita for several reasons. Firstly because it looked like Cal had got himself into real trouble this time. Secondly because you wouldn't expect a teenager to know that the police were doing.

But the thing that bothered her most was that the police had apparently only just been told Matilda was missing.

* * *

Dylan tried to work out if she was pleased by the worried glances Luke kept giving her or annoyed that he didn't trust her to look after herself. Obviously, she wouldn't be here unless she was sure she was well enough – and if she wasn't, there were much worse places to collapse than a hospital ED.

"Maybe you should let your mum where you are now," said Luke.

"Like you told Dylan where you were when you left the boat?" said Dylan.

Luke looked annoyed. "That was different."

"The details were different," said Dylan. "The basic act of sneaking out was the same."

Luke suddenly stopped walking. "Is that the police?"

"Either that or it's two people who dressed up as policemen for a laugh and injured themselves," said Dylan. "I'm sure you can work out which is more likely."

Luke seemed nervous as the police left the reception desk and walked past them. "I hope your mum didn't call them."

"If she did, she must have given them an exceptionally bad photo of me," said Dylan, as the police walked past without a glance in their direction. "I think I'm safe for now." She led the way to the desk. "Hey, Noel. We'd like to see Dr Keogh. You know who I am, don't you?"

Noel smiled. "I do know, Dylan, but even if I was prepared to make an exception and call him for you, I'm afraid he's not here. One of our nurses is ill and Dr Keogh took him home."

"I knew it!" said Luke triumphantly. "I _knew_ he was gay."

Dylan stared at him. "So what if he is? Is it even worth talking about? You'll be telling me you knew he was a doctor next."

* * *

Matilda wondered how long Cal and Ethan would be. At Cal's request, she'd made drinks, but they were starting to get cold. She wondered if she should go up, but she decided against it. Cal was understandably very upset and it was even worse for Ethan. They had more important things to think about than whether their tea stayed hot.

When the doorbell rang, she hesitated for a moment. It wasn't really her house, so Cal or Ethan should answer it really, though they were both very upset…

She went out into the hall. She couldn't hear anything from upstairs. No signs that Cal or Ethan had heard.

"Shall I answer the door?" Matilda called upstairs, but they didn't seem to hear that either.

The doorbell rang again.

Matilda decided she'd better answer it. She just hoped she'd be able to deal with whoever it was. She wasn't very good at talking to people.

She opened the door.

"Hello," said the policewoman kindly. "Is your name Matilda?"


	47. Chapter 47

_I decided to put Mercedes' son Connor in this chapter as I think he's such a lovely boy, despite having been set an appalling example by both parents. I really want him to end up happy and successful!_

 **CBloom2** , it probably will kill Cal if he loses Matilda again, but it has to be investigated. So I have a lot of difficulties to get round if I want a happy ending for them! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan has already rejected the job of clinical lead - that's why Lily was offered the job. He would be brilliant, though, so it's sad he didn't feel able to do the job Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad it's getting gripping! Cal was the voice of reason with Ethan - but it will be more difficult persuading the police. I wanted to put some Dyfty in, even if it's just friendship!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I love Rita too. I really wanted to hug her last night. I'm glad you've picked up that all is not quite right with Louise and Honey. Matilda's parents have some explaining to do. Thank you for your review.

 **x snow-pony x** , thank you for both your reviews. I'm glad you like the scenes between Cal and Ethan. I wasn't sure about including the Huntington's storyline, but comments like yours make me glad I did. I do like surprising people, though I don't always expect to succeed! Lily definitely needs to go back to Ethan - if he'll take her back! I'm glad Dylan comes over as caring, despite her habit of putting people in their places.

 **Applealice10** , the last thing Matilda needs is to go back to her family, but the police have to follow procedure. There's more Dylan in this chapter, though not very much, I'm afraid. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I agree it's a good thing Cal found the clnical lead letter. Alone with two grown men does sound dodgy - plus, Ethan's wife has obviously left for a reason and the kids were sent to Alicia's... Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. Cal has a bit of explaining to do and he's not always good at that! Ethan has a couple of reasons for keeping quiet about the job offer. I love your idea of the puppet master pulling the strings. Casualty has had so many characters and it's difficult to avoid repeating names. The writers did it themselves with three Sams, and Fletch has a daughter called Ella too. They also have Ben Harding the counsellor and Ben (Lofty) Chiltern, the future bereavement counsellor; Mac and Max (whose surnames rhyme); Jack on reception and Jac in Holby City!

* * *

Lofty was grateful for Dylan K's supporting arm as they walked up the drive. He wasn't sure how much peace he'd get at home with three children running around and two more screaming for attention, but there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

"I think you might need to knock at the door," said Dylan K. "Or perhaps even use a key."

Lofty smiled, despite how ill he was feeling. He found his key and unlocked the door, bracing himself for screams of: "Daddyyyyyyyy!" and being knocked over by a trio of whirlwinds, but nothing happened.

"They must be out shopping," said Lofty. Although the quiet was welcome, he was disappointed.

Dylan K stood awkwardly in the doorway. Although he and Lofty were good friends, he didn't come to the house all that often.

"Thanks, Dylan," said Lofty belatedly. "I'll be fine now."

"Go to bed and I'll make you a cup of tea," said Dylan K.

* * *

Matilda began to shake. She took a slow step away from the door, then another.

"Matilda, it's okay," said the policewoman. "We want to help you."

A shot of adrenaline gave Matilda the power to run. She raced upstairs and met Cal on the landing.

"Matilda, what is it?" Cal put his arms around her.

"The police are here," whispered Matilda. "I think they want to take me back." She began to cry.

"No way are they taking you anywhere!" said Cal. He kissed Matilda's forehead. "Come on, darling. We'd better go and talk to them."

"I'm scared," wept Matilda, clinging to Cal. To her dad.

"I know, Tilly, but I'm right here," said Cal. "I won't let them take you away."

* * *

Louise tried to keep her fake smile on her face, but all she could think of was Noel. She tried to be glad she hadn't lost him, but she honestly felt she had.

She couldn't even tell him how she was feeling.

"So, where's Lofty?" Louise asked brightly. "I haven't seen him for a while."

For some reason, the nursing team looked a little afraid as they said they didn't know.

"Oh, that's okay," said Louise, trying to laugh it off. "Don't worry."

She turned away and nearly walked into the new registrar. A sarcastic comment rose to her lips, but she managed to turn it into a smile.

"Sorry, Nurse Garcia," said Dr Connor Christie.

"Why don't you call me Louise?" said Louise, smiling. After all, not even Rita insisted on 'Sister Freeman'."

Connor looked startled, then wary. "Okay... Louise. I just wanted to say Lofty went home ill. His boyfriend took him home."

Louise had another go at laughing, even though this common mistake usually made her want to tear her hair out. Either that or the hair of the latest person to make the mistake. "Do you mean Dylan? Connor babe, everyone always thinks they're a couple, so it's not your fault, but Lofty's very happily married and Dylan's straight too. I'm sure they do love each other in a way, but the only kind of romance they have is the kind with a B on the beginning."

She laughed again, in case the last part sounded sarcastic.

Connor's eyes widened. "Thanks, Nurse- Louise. I'd better get back to work."

* * *

Noel had suggested, politely, that Dylan and Luke might like to wait somewhere else and Luke had showed signs of being willing, but Dylan saw no reason why they should move. "We're not doing any harm or getting in anyone's way – and taking up a seat that could be needed by a seriously ill or injured person would hardly be an improvement on the current situation."

Noel left them alone after that.

Dylan K arrived shortly afterwards, stopping in surprise when he saw them. "Dylan?" He looked over his shoulder. "Luke! Are you okay?"

"Where's Mum?" said Luke.

"Luke, I told you," said Dylan K. "You can't visit her."

"Why not?" asked Dylan. "If you have a good reason, Dylan, then fine. But there's nothing more frustrating than an adult who refuses to let you do something without giving a good reason why. I understand that you want to protect Luke, but the unknown is usually much more frightening than the truth."

Luke moved closer. "Where's Mum?"

"I don't know where she is," said Dylan K.

"Liar!" Luke seized his brother's arm.

Dylan sighed. "Stop being so dramatic, Luke. I know it looks quite fun on TV, but it achieves nothing. Dylan, why don't you know where Luke's mum is?"

"Because she wouldn't tell me," said Dylan K.

"What about me?" said Luke, his voice shaking. "Don't you think I deserve to know?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," said Dylan K. "But I'm just her stepson. I can't force her to do anything."

"But she's our family!" said Luke. "Doesn't that mean anything?"

Dylan K shrugged. "In this case, perhaps it means far too much. I certainly wouldn't contaminate my bargepoles by touching Brian with one, but Hazel is vulnerable, afraid and injured. She won't want to tell me anything unless she's absolutely convinced I won't tell Brian."

"So she doesn't trust you with information, but she does trust you to look after her son?" said Luke.

"I know," said Dylan K. "It's nonsensical and illogical, but that's not an uncommon reaction to the kind of thing she's been through. But you are safe with me, Luke, and if you really want to trace your mum, I'll see what I can do."

* * *

"Are you all right, mate?" asked Jez. "You haven't drunk any of your tea."

Iain put the cup down on the table. "Maybe I'd prefer a beer."

"At your age?" said Jez.

Iain glared at him. "Stop with the teasing, okay? I'm not in the mood."

The smirk disappeared from Jez's face. "What's up, Iain? You've been a bit off all day."

"I'm not going senile if that's what you mean," snapped Iain.

"No, I know," said Jez. "Look, it's none of my business. But if you want to talk about it, I have learned how to shut up and listen now."

Iain sighed. Maybe it would help to have a younger person's viewpoint. "My son's school has a sort of gossip facebook page. There's all kinds of stuff on there. Most of it accurate, but a lot of it's very personal."

Jez was staring at Iain, his eyes wide. "Have you reported it?"

"No. Rita wanted to, but I thought it was nothing," said Iain. "I mean, kids will always gossip. Back in the Dark Ages, when I was at school, there was no internet. Hardly any mobile phones. But there was still a lot of gossip and bullying. The fact is there will always be kids like that. I'm not saying this facebook thing is good, but if we report it; get it taken down, that's not going to stop the problem. The bullies will find another way."

"Yeah, I get what you're saying," said Jez. "But online, it's anonymous. If someone's hurting you and you don't know who it is, you don't know who to trust. You don't know who's really your friend. And if someone has anonymity, they can go a lot further in what they say. I get your point, Iain, but I think Rita's right. You should tell the police. Even taking down one bully is always worth doing."

* * *

Ariana's face lit up when she saw Zoe and Max. Guilt crowded in Zoe's chest. They should have been here earlier. She'd thought it would help Ariana if she and Max went to see their daughter with a plan already in place, thus minimising stress.

But Max was right. Ariana was a part of their lives and she should have some say. Part of the reason she hurt herself was because she wanted to feel some control over her life. Making decisions for her wouldn't increase her sense of control.

"Hi, sweetheart." Zoe kissed her. "How are you? Did you manage to sleep?"

Ariana shook her head. "Not really. But I feel better now."

Max kissed her too. "Do you feel up to a little discussion? Nothing scary. Zoe and I are just trying to decide a few things and we'd like to know what you think."

Ariana looked surprised and a little scared, but not unwilling. "What if I say something stupid?"

"Then I'll feel a lot less alone!" said Zoe. "Grown-ups are stupid all the time. I'm not even going to tell you about some of the mistakes I've made!"

Ariana shrank from her. "Was I a mistake?"

"Absolutely not," said Zoe firmly.

Max hugged Ariana. "Of course not."

"The thing is," said Zoe, "I want to go back to work. Dad isn't sure, but we'd like to know what you think."

Max patted her arm. "Don't worry: just say what you think. We're not going to get mad."

* * *

Cal could understand why the police were concerned about Matilda, but not even the way Matilda had sobbed and clung to him had convinced them they needed to be together.

"Can you tell me the history of your relationship with Matilda?"

Cal started from the beginning, when he'd first seen the baby in Taylor's car and ending with Matilda comforting him earlier that day.

"How can you be sure this is the same Matilda?"

"I just know," said Cal. "She's the right age and she's got the right name and we have a bond."

"That doesn't prove anything, Dr Knight. Do they have the same birthday?"

Cal hung his head. "To be honest, I was too afraid to ask. Then it didn't matter. She's my daughter and I know when her birthday is. 10th October 2015."

"That is the correct date of birth," admitted the policeman.

"It is?" Cal's tears were happy now, though he felt no surprise. "I knew it. I knew she was my little girl."

"Excuse me, Dr Knight, but she is not your little girl. You are not biologically related to her and even if you were, you chose to give her away. You gave up all rights to her. You have been housing an underage girl who has been reported missing."

"After _two days_ ," said Cal. "Matilda's parents abuse her and the fact they don't care is proved by the length of time it took to report that she was missing. Yesterday, I took Matilda out for lunch and we saw her parents enjoying a meal together. How could any family do that when a part of their family was missing? How could they wait two whole days? Listen, if you can't trust me, that's fine. I get that. But please don't make Matilda go back to them. Please keep my little girl safe."


	48. Chapter 48

_I'm sorry this chapter is full of cliffhangers. When I wrote the chapter, it was twice as long as I wanted it to be so I've cut a lot of the scenes in half._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I love Dylan and Lofty's friendship and I've neglected it a bit in this story, so it was good to write a scene about them. Cal would be devastated if anything happened to Matilda.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it would be very wrong for Matilda to go back to her parents, but in the eyes of the law, it's wrong for her to live with Cal, even though he's been so good for her. Yes, Jez is still teasing poor Iain 15 years later! I'm glad you like my inclusion of Connor. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , Louise and Connor would have been interesting, but the story already has two unfaithful or potentially-unfaithful wives - Lily and Robyn. I think Iain sitting and brooding is definitely sexy - nothing to do with your illness at all! Just a natural human reaction to a hot guy. Matilda was always a good influence on Cal! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I was trying to make Louise less gobby than usual, but I'm not going to get it right every time! I'm sure Lofty would love a few cuddles. Cal losing Matilda was really sad to write! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Cal and Matilda won't be together in this chapter, but their storyline does advance. One thing I like about Dylan is that even though she can be quite blunt, she's also really caring.

* * *

Dylan settled herself comfortably in the chair and looked at the computer screen. It was blank, other than a pop-up box that requested a username and a password.

"You do realise this computer is for staff use only?" said Dylan K.

"I thought it might be," said Dylan unconcernedly. "But I have your permission to use it, don't I?"

"I see no harm in giving you permission," said Dylan K, after a pause. "However, you won't be able to do anything without the password."

Dylan smiled to herself, typed Dylan K's name into the username followed by the password: _dervla_.

Dylan K felt almost scared. "How did you know that was my password?"

"Because I saw the look in your eyes when you told me about her," said Dylan. "When you first mentioned her, I assumed she was your wife and was really confused. I know in the past, gay men have married women, but I can't see you doing something like that. Then I realised Dervla was a dog." She smiled. "Well, a bit more than just a dog."

Much as Dylan K agreed with the last statement, it was another that had caught his attention. "You thought I was gay?"

"Well, not that it really matters in our case," said Dylan. "It's better to know if a man's gay before you waste your time trying to flirt with him and if you like fixing up your mates, you need at the very least to pick the right gender. I'm not likely to be flirting or matchmaking. But you are gay, aren't you?"

She said it without the smallest trace of doubt.

* * *

It was taking so long.

Cal had promised to keep in touch with Ethan and let him know any news, but he wasn't always good at keeping promises like that and he did have a habit of not telling Ethan any bad news.

No news was always bad news with Cal.

Ethan rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. He couldn't cope with any more bad news. He really couldn't.

Then he thought of Cal and Matilda and how difficult it would be for them. Ethan's protective instincts, never long dormant, overcame his misery and he sat up, groping for his phone on the bedside table and finding his brother's number.

Cal answered almost straight away. "Hey, Nibbles." He sounded cheerful. Far too cheerful for the circumstances, which could only mean he was terrified. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Cal, what's happening?" Ethan tried not to show how anxious he was. "Are you and Matilda okay?"

"I don't know, Ethan!" burst out Cal. "I don't know anything. I spoke to them and they were quite nice and sympathetic, but I haven't seen Matilda since I got here and I don't know if I'm ever going to see her again!" His voice choked.

"I'm coming to the police station," said Ethan at once. He didn't think about it. It was a reflex action when his brother was so upset. "You shouldn't be going through this on your own."

* * *

Rita wasn't sure what to do.

Alfie had made it clear he didn't want Rita to phone the police. Iain had also said there was no need. Rita was quite tempted to do it anyway, but she wasn't sure now was the time. Alfie had finally come off the computer at her request, but he wasn't talking. He was just sitting there, looking stressed out. He hadn't once gone to check his appearance in the mirror – he hadn't so much as played with his hair. Rita honestly wasn't sure if he could cope with dealing with the police now.

When Iain phoned, Rita hesitated before answering it. The trouble with Iain was that the phone calls he made in the middle of the day quite often weren't the kind of phone calls she wanted to have in front of Alfie.

But she needed to speak to him. She wanted to hear his voice.

"Hi, sweetheart. I'm just having a chat to Alfie," Rita said quickly, before Iain could say anything to make her blush.

"Yeah… I actually kind of wanted to talk about Alfie," said Iain. He sounded worried.

And perhaps even – though Rita couldn't think why – slightly ashamed. Her concern deepened. "What's wrong, Iain?"

* * *

Lily was getting quite experienced at running away. In the space of a week, she'd run first from her husband, then from her best friend, and finally from the biggest mistake she'd ever made.

She was also getting good at choosing her moments. When Ella ordered her to wait downstairs, the clinical lead meekly did as her junior doctor had told her. As soon as she'd heard Ella's raised voice from upstairs, she made her escape.

Lily ran to the end of the road and slowed to a fast walk, reaching in her bag for her phone and calling the first name to come to mind.

"Lily, I'm so glad you called!" said Alicia. "Where are you? I've been so worried."

"Are my children okay?" Lily knew she sounded abrupt, but she hadn't phoned to chat.

"Yes, they are," said Alicia. "They're at Jamie and Jack's."

"Thank you, Alicia," said Lily, with deep gratitude. She missed her children, just as she missed Ethan (Oh God: how she missed Ethan), but she knew they would be fine at Jamie's. Jamie was one of the few people Caleb wasn't afraid of.

"No problem," said Alicia. "Are you okay, Lily?"

Lily's eyes filled with tears. "I don't know, Alicia. I really don't know. I need your help. I've done something so terrible."

She heard Alicia's indrawn breath, but her voice was soothing. "I'm here, babe. Just tell me what you need and I'll sort it out."

"I need a morning-after pill," sobbed Lily.

* * *

"No, I'm not gay!" said Dylan K.

Dylan frowned. "I hope you're not saying there's something wrong with being gay."

"No, of course not," said Dylan K impatiently. "I'm simply not interested in men. Not that I've been very interested in women either recently. But…" He stopped and looked around.

"Relax! No-one heard you and even if they did, I should think they're well aware you're not interested in women," said Dylan. "You didn't even _look_ when Louise walked by and smiled at you just now."

Dylan K looked slightly unnerved. "Louise… smiled at me? Why would she do that?"

Luke grinned. "She probably fancies you, bro!"

"I think she's very unhappy and trying to hide it," said Dylan, ignoring Luke. "But she's overcompensating."

Luke put his hand on her shoulder. "My girlfriend knows _everything_."

" _Almost_ everything," said Dylan K. "Next time, I recommend ignoring your 'gaydar' (I do wish that word had never been invented) and using your brain. It has a much higher success rate."

Dylan laughed. It was a fair point. "Maybe I will." She returned her gaze to the screen. "Hazel Leyton. Is that your mum, Luke?"

She looked over her shoulder at him and he nodded. He was biting his lip.

Dylan put her hand over his. "It's going to be okay. If you've changed your mind, that's fine. We won't do this. But if you want to keep going, you've got the Dylans to look out for you."

"The Dylans," said Dylan K thoughtfully. "You make us sound like a bad sit-com. Not that I can think of any good ones."

* * *

Ariana looked at Zoe, than at Max. There was fear in her eyes but also determination. Max had seen that look in Zoe's eyes too. It was part of what had made her such a good…

…a good doctor.

"Ariana, it's okay," said Max. "Just tell us. We're not going to get mad."

"I-I think Mum should go back to work," said Ariana. Her eyes met Max's again. "There aren't many things in the world to be happy about and if you find something, you shouldn't let it go. Mum loves being a doctor. She's not happy being a homemaker."

Max nodded. Zoe was still a lovely, loving, warm, caring, sexually attractive woman, but she wasn't as happy as she'd once been.

"But it's really important to your dad to be able to provide for his family," said Zoe. "It doesn't make _him_ happy if he thinks I've got a more important job than him."

Ariana hesitated. "But does it matter how much you're earning? It's not Mum's fault that the job that's perfect for her pays her so much money. I'm sure she'd still want to be a doctor if she was earning £10,000 a year."

Zoe smiled. "Ten years ago, I'd probably have disagreed with that. But now… I honestly think I'd do it for free."

"I just feel.. inadequate," said Max. He wasn't sure why he was trying to explain this to his daughter, but she nodded as though she understood.

"I feel inadequate too. All the time. I bet Mum does too."

"I don't know about inadequate," said Zoe. "But I do feel like part of me is missing."

* * *

Matilda sat on the hard wooden chair, her hands folded together in her lap, her chair pushed back from the table. She'd been here such a long time and she'd answered so many questions. She'd been so afraid and she'd wanted Cal, but they'd said she couldn't see him yet.

They'd offered to phone other people, but when Matilda had suggested Lottie (Ariana was still in hospital and Dylan was recuperating) and they'd asked who she was, they'd said they were thinking of someone over eighteen.

"Please," said Matilda, as her hands trembled; "please don't send me back to my parents."

The policewoman, who'd told Matilda she could call her Suzanne, spoke firmly. "We won't be doing that, Matilda. You were very brave to tell me about your parents and we will be making an investigation."

"So you… believe me?" said Matilda, hardly able to believe it.

"Of course we believe you," said Suzanne. "And if we needed further proof, the fact that your parents still haven't reported you missing shows there's a cause for concern."

Matilda felt dizzy. "My parents didn't report me missing? Then who did?"


	49. Chapter 49

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , that's an interesting idea! The last thing Cal wants is to lose her again, but he's breaking the law by keeping her at his house so he's in danger of losing her already. Thank you for your review.

 **pinkginger** , don't worry - there's no obligation to review, so every review is a really lovely bonus. I love Rita and Iain's relationship so I'm really happy you like the way I write it. I'm really glad the Dylans work as characters - he usually hates to be questioned, so I'm glad it's believable that she gets away with it. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Cal hasn't actually seen the person who reported Matilda missing, so it could be anyone, in disguise or otherwise - and Taylor might have changed a lot in 15 years, especially if she spent a lot of it in prison. I think Lily does regret cheating. She always tries to do the right thing and she's got the loveliest husband!

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you like my stories. I hope to start a new one in the next couple of weeks - you know the one I mean!

 **EDSidekick** , Ethan probably isn't in any state to think through his actions carefully, but he has been letting his emotions control him recently and he swings from one extreme to another, so you never know! Ella has grown up quite a lot, but that doesn't mean she can't cause trouble. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Ethan is devastated at the moment, but I didn't think he'd completely lose the instinct to try to protect Cal. Ariana seems a lot more grown-up than her parents at times!

 **Tanith Panic** , it's not even 2016 - it's 2030! So Max should definitely know better! In some ways, Max probably thinks he's quite modern: marrying someone who's ten years older than him and accepting his daughter's condition. But he still hasn't got rid of that old mental block about earnings! Silly boy. And silly Lily! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you're still enjoying the Dylans. I really like that Dylan has such unexpected friendships - I love his friendships with Zoe and Lofty. This chapter is a bit more serious, but I hope you'll still enjoy it.

 _Thank you to Strizzy for the favourite._

* * *

Dylan K stepped forward and put his hand over the screen. "You'd better let me take over now, Dylan."

Dylan hesitated. "No. It's better if it's me."

"It most certainly isn't!" said Dylan K. "You may be - in _some_ respects - considerably less ignorant than the average junior doctor, but you have no right to look at Hazel's Summary Care Record."

"But you and Luke can't look at it either," said Dylan reasonably. "You're family. It wouldn't be ethical."

"It's even less ethical to let you look!" said Dylan K. He looked at the screen again and the enormity of what he'd done hit him. "No. We need to stop this. I should never have agreed to it." He leaned over Dylan and logged out.

"What are you doing?" shouted Luke. "Finally, I almost found out where she was and you… why won't you let me find out where she is? Why are you keeping us apart?"

"I'm not," said Dylan K. "But I could be struck off for this."

Dylan gave him a penetrating look, but then she nodded. "Okay. You're right," she said quietly.

Luke glowered. "That's so typical. Put your job before your family."

"Luke, if Dylan gets struck off, he won't be able to work in a hospital anymore," said Dylan. "I should think most employers would think twice about hiring someone who's been struck off the medical register. He'll lose not only his job, but his income and quite likely the respect of others. You tell Dylan to think of his family, but if you were thinking of yours, you wouldn't allow Dylan to do this."

"You seemed fine with it five minutes ago!" said Luke testily.

"That's because _Dylan_ was fine with it," said Dylan. "It's his decision."

"Oh, you're as bad as he is!" said Luke, and stormed off.

* * *

Cal felt a deep sense of gratitude – but then sanity returned. "I'm not sure you should be driving."

Ethan's calm, comforting voice immediately became scared and wobbly. "So you do think I'm getting symptoms?"

"No, of course not," said Cal. "But it's been a really emotional time for you, Ethan, and if we lose… if Matilda… if it's bad news, I don't think either of us will be in any condition to drive home."

"Then I'll get a taxi," said Ethan. "At least I won't have to worry about parking."

"You can't," sighed Cal. "We don't know when Alicia is bringing the kids back." He was actually surprised and concerned they weren't back already, but he didn't want to give Ethan another reason to panic.

Ethan was silent, clearly torn between his distressed brother and his children. "I'll ask Alicia to keep them for a bit longer. If I explain what's going on, I'm sure -"

But Cal wasn't listening anymore.

A policeman was walking towards him, a serious expression on his face.

* * *

"It's all this facebook business," said Iain. "I was talking to Jez about it – not details: just general – and… you're right. It's causing too much distress – and it's honestly starting to scare me now. I thought it was just some thoughtless kids having a laugh, but they've got confidential information from the hospital."

Rita wanted to hug him. She resolved she would as soon as she saw him. "I'm so relieved you agree. I was starting to think I was going mad."

"The only mad thing you've ever done is marrying me," said Iain. "And I've personally never regretted it. I'm just sorry I didn't take your concerns seriously before."

"Don't worry about it," said Rita. "You had a point: the person behind this probably will find other ways of bullying."

"But that's no reason for not trying," said Iain.

"Exactly," said Rita. "So, what are we going to do now? Could you come home for lunch? I think we all need to have a proper talk before we do anything."

* * *

Dylan K put his hand on Dylan's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Dylan smiled at him. "Don't worry. You did the right thing. I probably shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place." She looked in the direction Luke has taken. "I hope he'll calm down. He's usually so laid-back, but I don't think I'd stay calm if I found out my mum had been attacked. I'll give him fifteen minutes, then I'll go after him."

"That sounds like a good idea," said Dylan K. He felt completely lost with Luke's moods, but Dylan seemed to know what she was doing.

"He's difficult, but he's worth it," said Dylan. She looked almost shyly at Dylan K. "It must be completely obvious to you that I'm in love with your brother so I'm not going to do anything silly like hiding it."

Dylan K was hit by an emotion he struggled to recognise, but he thought it might be protectiveness.

"I'm sorry: did I embarrass you?" said Dylan, but then she answered her own question. "No. I don't think I did." She looked closely at him and her eyes widened. "You're worried, aren't you? I'd understand if you were worried about Luke, but I think you're worried about me."

Dylan K didn't see the use in denying it. "I'm sorry, Dylan."

"Why on earth would you apologise for that?" said Dylan. "I'm pleased you think I'm worth worrying about." She lowered her voice. "What is it, Dylan? If it's something that isn't worth worrying about, I might be able to put your mind at rest. And if there is a reason to worry, it would be much better for me to know about it so I can be prepared."

She sounded so calm. So sensible. But he didn't doubt she could be hurt, just like anybody else.

"Dylan, I have to tell you something." Dylan K was surprised by the pain in his voice. "It's about Luke."

* * *

"You don't need to feel inadequate, Dad," said Ariana. "You help people too. Computers; the internet – they're important to everyone. If your internet connection has gone or an important computer program has stopped working, it feels like the end of the world. It causes massive stress and inconvenience. But you sort it out."

Max shook his head. "I only help to sort it out."

"All _I_ do is help," said Zoe. "I'm part of a team. There is so much that needs to be done. I can't do everything and a lot of the time, I can't fix the problem. All I can do is keep them alive long enough for them to be seen by the person who can fix it. Sometimes I can't even do that. We both play an important role – and you're sometimes helping thousands of people at a time. I can only really cope with one patient at a time and I fail a lot more often than you do."

Max looked at Ariana. "But you must feel so much more proud of your mum than of me."

"I'm really proud of you both," said Ariana. "But not just for the jobs you do. I'm much more proud of _who_ you are, not what you are. You've spent your whole life fighting for what you want and trying to ignore conventionality. Trying to ignore your upbringings." She smiled, a look of wonder in her eyes. "And you both accept _me_. You're my third set of parents and you accept me. You _love_ me. You don't even feel embarrassed about coming to collect me from the hospital! I don't know if I want to work in medicine or computing, but I know I want to be like both of you."

* * *

Ella walked quickly past reception, her eyes staring straight ahead, though she couldn't see much through the tears. She'd been fighting them all through her conversation with her dad; all the way to work – and she doubted it would be any different now it was here.

She felt as though she was being slowly torn into pieces and she didn't believe it would ever stop. Every time she thought she'd reached rock bottom, something would come along and tear her into smaller pieces still.

She finally reached the staff room and went to her locker, blinking hard again as she tried to unlock it.

"Ella? What's up?" A hand touched her back. "Come and sit down for a bit. We've got time."

Ella didn't think they did. It would take years to cry out all the pain inside her, but her tears were overflowing and she knew she couldn't treat any patients now.

Connor led her to the sofa and sat beside her, stroking her back gently. "Ella, you don't have to tell me straight away. You don't have to tell me at all, but I hope you will. I know I might not be able to help – I always thought that being a doctor meant I'd be able to fix anything, but I know now that's not true. But if you tell me, you'll be a little bit less alone - and that makes more of a difference than you might think."

* * *

"The caller was anonymous," said Suzanne. "I'm afraid that's all I can tell you."

"You didn't trace the call?" said Matilda, trembling. Thinking it was her parents was bad enough. But to know that she had an unknown enemy…

"It's possible the call was traced, but the information wasn't shared with me. I'm sorry, Matilda."

Matilda's chest tightened. "When can I see Cal? I want Cal!"

"I'm know, Matilda. I can see that you and Cal care for each other. You have a lovely relationship and I hope that, in the future, that will continue."

"In the future…" whispered Matilda.

"I'm so sorry, Matilda," said Suzanne. "We can't let you go back to Cal. We need to investigate this case more fully and it's going to take time. I personally believe Cal would never hurt you, but he's broken the law in allowing you to live with him."

Matilda began to cry. "Will he go to prison?"

"I can't answer that, Matilda. His instincts were correct: he protecting a vulnerable child from harm. But he went about it in the wrong way."

"He did say I had to tell the police," sobbed Matilda. "But I was scared."

Suzanne gave Matilda a tissue. "Of course you were and I understand why Cal wanted to wait till you felt more comfortable. Although the law is there to keep you safe, it doesn't always make you feel safe. But no matter how faulty the law might be, we do still have to follow procedure. It's very difficult and it can be lengthy, but it's the only way we have of doing this."

Matilda sniffed. "So what is going to happen to me?"

"We have to send you somewhere that has been proved to be a safe environment. I'm very sorry, but for the time being, you'll have to go into care."


	50. Chapter 50

_I just wanted to say that (if all goes well) I'll be updating We'll Meet Again every four days from now on. Thank you for continuing to read and review this story._

 **westlife4ever80** , I'll try to start writing it soon! And I need to reply to your pm to tell you about some of the ideas I've had. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. You'll meet one of Matilda's foster parents in this chapter. Iain and Rita are a great couple - she's really going to need him after last week's episode!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm sure Cal will do everything he can to ensure Tilly comes back to him, but there might not be much he can do. Even Dylan K finds himself learning to care about people sometimes! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Max probably feels inferior to Zoe, so I hope it would help him to know his daughter sees him and Zoe as equals. Cal will be gutted to lose Matilda again - and again, it's kind of his fault. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I didn't think about Matilda blaming herself, but I think you're right and I'll put that in a future chapter. I'm glad you like the humour - thank you! I hope there's some in this chapter too.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. It will be very awkward if Dylan K has got it wrong! Ethan's protective instincts are just so strong where Cal is concerned - I'm sure he - like you - is wondering how long Cal can stay calm! I'm glad you have some sympathy for Max, even if he is being silly! Rita and Iain actually seem to have the strongest marriage in this story!

 **pinkginger** , it's so lovely that you're proud of the characters! I didn't think of the scene with Ariana as being funny, but I can see it now you mention it. I'm glad you like Connor - I think he's a lovely boy and I hope nothing bad will happen to him. I wish you could storm in and sort the police out! They are technically doing the right thing but not the helpful thing. Thank you for your review.

* * *

At first, all Ethan could do was stare.

Cal was being restrained by two policemen whilst shouting at another. "No, you can't take her away from me! She's my daughter and I love her. I know I did it all wrong. I know I should have helped her to tell you about her parents sooner. But I love her and I would never do anything to hurt her. Please don't take her from me! Please let her stay where she's safe and protected. Please let her stay where she's loved!"

The power of movement finally returned to Ethan's body. He walked quickly over to Cal and the policemen. "I'm Cal's brother, Ethan," he said, and reached up to put his hands on Cal's shoulders. "Cal, I'm so sorry. It's not fair and I know no-one could love or care for Matilda more than you do. It's going to be so tough for her, but she's stronger now and that's because of you. She knows you love her. That means everything to her and nothing can take that away from her, Cal. Nothing."

He felt Cal go limp as he stopped struggling. He began to cry: harsh, tearing sobs.

Ethan's eyes were wet too as he held his brother. "I'm here, Cal. I'm here."

* * *

Zoe looked at her daughter with amazement and pride. She'd been told that Ariana lacked the capacity to care for other people, but she'd always known that wasn't true and Ariana had proved her right again.

She realised she'd been silent for too long when Ariana shrank away from her, fear in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mum. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry I said all that."

"Don't be sorry," said Max. He held her hand tightly and looked into her eyes. "You're right, Ariana. You're completely right."

Zoe kissed Ariana on the cheek. "Ariana, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I was lost for words. I'm so impressed by your maturity. I'm glad we came to talk to you."

"Really?" It was Ariana who seemed shocked now.

"We love you so much," said Zoe, "and if we'd lost you…"

"I'm not leaving you," said Ariana. "I mean, I don't want to leave you. But sometimes I believe it would be better for you."

Zoe nodded. "I know. But there would be nothing good about losing you. Nothing." She looked at Max. "And I would hate to lose you too. I suppose – like Ariana – I think about doing things because I think it's for the best."

Max didn't speak for a moment. Zoe watched the emotions passing across his face and tried not to show how afraid she was. He'd admitted Ariana was right – but that didn't mean he'd be willing or able to change.

Then Max lifted his head, his eyes locking with Zoe's. "Zoe. Ariana's right. You need to go back to work. But I don't want you applying for any of those other jobs on that list of yours."

"Max, if we're going to do this, it might be better if you didn't tell me what you 'don't want' me to do?" said Zoe. "Your opinions and support are welcome, but in the end, it's my decision."

Anger came to Max's eyes, but it was quickly replaced by sheepishness. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean I really hope you won't apply for any of those other jobs because I want – sorry, I mean I'm really hoping you'll come back and work here."

* * *

Dylan K knew it should be easy. Five words would do it. Or possibly four, but that wasn't his favourite number in the world and five would carry less ambiguity.

He led Dylan to the staff room and tensely indicated the sofa. "I need to tell you something."

"About Luke," said Dylan, and smiled encouragingly at him.

She had no idea. Dylan, who usually knew everything, had no idea how much he was about to hurt her.

Why did this have to be the one time when she couldn't guess?

Dylan K sat beside her. "I'm no good at breaking news gently."

"Then don't break it gently." Dylan's voice was kind, as though he was the one who needed comfort, though she did look worried. "You don't have to, you know. Not with me."

Dylan K couldn't look at her. "Luke already has a girlfriend." He knew there was no need to say anything else. He knew that what he was going to add was pointless; that it would change nothing. But he said it because it was true. "I'm sorry, Dylan."

* * *

Cal was still crying as Ethan helped him out of the taxi and into the house. He sank onto the sofa and sobbed some more, feeling Ethan's arms around him and hearing, though not understanding, the soft words of comfort his brother murmured.

He'd known, somewhere in his mind, that losing Matilda was a very real possibility, but he'd refused to let himself believe it. He loved Matilda. She loved him. She was his daughter. He didn't see how anyone could fail to see that.

But she'd been taken her away from him.

Cal felt lost. Cut adrift. As though someone had cut him away from Matilda, leaving a raw, bleeding wound. Holding her but leaving him to fall.

If one of them had to fall, he was glad it was him and not Matilda, but falling hurt even before you hit the ground.

He felt Ethan's shoulders shaking and knew he was crying too. Cal hated himself: Ethan was going through so much already. He didn't need Cal falling apart.

"We're not giving up, Cal." Ethan's voice was choked. "Okay? We'll fight for custody. If you can't get it, perhaps I can. And I'm sure you can still see her. You've got her friend Dylan's number, haven't you? You can still be there for her. You can still be her dad. You've always been her dad."

"I could go to prison," wept Cal. "I might not see her for years."

Ethan sniffed and pulled back so he could look at Cal. "We'll fight it, Cal. We'll do everything we can. I'll tell them what a good dad you are. I'll tell them how much Matilda's changed since she's been with us. We're not giving up. We'll get Matilda back."

Cal looked into his brother's eyes. They were red-rimmed and overflowing with tears, but they showed a determination Cal hadn't seen for some time. "And we'll get Lily back too, Ethan," he said. "I don't know how, but I'm not letting you give up either. On anything."

* * *

Charlie opened the door and glared at Jamie. "Finally!"

"You're welcome," said Jamie cheerfully. "Always a pleasure to help such a well-mannered young man." He smiled at Alice. "Jeffrey's looking forward to seeing you. So where's your brother and sister?"

"Caleb's under the bed," said Alice. "Daisy's trying to get him to come out."

Jamie grinned. "You're lucky. It just so happens I have a bit of experience of boys and beds and coming out. Lead the way, Alice!"

Charlie shook his head. He really wasn't sure that kind of talk was appropriate for little kids.

That was one reason why he was so anxious for them all to leave.

* * *

Dylan stared at Dylan K. If it was someone else, she'd have thought it was a joke. She tried to speak. It took her two or three attempts. "Are you sure?"

"I haven't spoken to him much recently," said Dylan K. "I could be wrong. But I did hear recently that they were still together."

"Right," said Dylan. "Okay. Do you know who she is?"

"A girl called Maya."

"I see," said Dylan. She knew Maya, of course. She tried to breathe more deeply, but there was a tightness in her chest and in her throat and her vision had blurred. She tried to analyse her emotions, but she couldn't. She just knew it hurt.

She felt Dylan K taking her hand. "Dylan. Don't cry."

"I am trying not to," Dylan assured him, but her voice was shaking so hard, she doubted her words were coherent. "I mean… he's just a boy. Right? I'll find another one. If I even need one."

Dylan K put an awkward arm around her. "It's all right if you're not okay. And you're not well, remember."

Dylan felt her emotions taking control. Sobs forced their way out of her throat, despite her efforts to keep them back. Her cheeks already felt drenched with tears. And then there was the pain, deep inside her. She tried to compare it with the pain of appendicitis and decided it was worse, which didn't make sense. "You should go, Dylan. I know you're uncomfortable and I can't blame you and it really is okay if you go."

Dylan K placed his hand on the back of her head and pushed her forward. Her head landed in his chest. She could feel how tense he was, but she couldn't speak anymore or even move. She felt Dylan K patting between her shoulder blades, awkwardly and a bit too hard.

He didn't have any idea how to comfort someone.

And for that reason, it meant even more that he was trying to comfort her.

* * *

Matilda heard the footsteps enter the room, but she couldn't turn and look. She didn't want to see.

"Matilda, this is Jess, who's going to be looking after you, and this is her daughter Olivia," said Suzanne.

Matilda didn't move. She heard more footsteps and a dark-haired woman appeared in front of her. The smile on her face was compassionate, but she wasn't Cal.

"Hi, Matilda. I'm Jess." Jess sat beside her. "I know you feel awful. It's terrifying, being taken away from what you know and being sent home with a stranger. I want you to know that's okay. You can be as scared and angry and sad as you like. Something bad as happened to you and I know that isn't going to change because a group of strangers are – I hope – being kind to you."

A younger woman appeared beside Jess. "Hi, Matilda. I'm Olivia. I don't want to get all overdramatic and call you my new foster sister because that's just freaky, but it is really nice to meet you and I'm looking forward to having another girl in the house. I'm the only one at the moment."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "Don't be so cheeky. What do you call me and Dixie if not girls?" She turned to Matilda. "Dixie's my wife. She's at work now, but you'll meet her later. Our two sons are away for half-term, so you won't have to cope with too many new people at once."

Matilda's mouth opened and she stared at the newcomers. _I know who you are…_

Olivia smiled understandingly. "Yeah, okay. I'm Olivia Cranham-Dixon who won _X Factor_. Please don't get all starstruck. It's really flattering and everything, but I'm really hoping you'll treat me like a normal person. No-one's done that for _ages_."


	51. Chapter 51

**EDSidekick** , Cal might get arrested later! I probably should find out about police procedure. That's a good point that it might help Ethan to see how much Cal needs him. I don't want to take Dylan K too far out of character, but I thought he wouldn't be completely against trying to comfort his namesake. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , I can't say I'm completely surprised you liked the boys comforting each other! I was going to send Matilda to foster parents she didn't get on with, but then I had the same thought as you - it could be much more interesting if they were nice. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Matilda could be very happy with Dixie and Jess, but there will always be a part of us that wants Cal and Tilly to be together. He's her dad, whatever the test results said. I'm glad you liked Dylan K's clumsy comforting.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan is probably the only person who could have calmed Cal down enough for the policemen to let go of him, so it's very good he came! Olivia and Matilda were both abused so that might help them form a bond. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it could have been a lot worse for Matilda. Max isn't going to change overnight, but as you say, he is making the effort - and Zoe didn't bite his head off, which is always good in a marriage! I'm glad you sympathise with Cal - his intentions are usually good! Thank you for your review. 51 chapters... I only planned to write 10!

 **ETWentHome** **,** thank you for your review. I'm really glad you liked the way I wrote Cal's emotions. It must be so horrible to have your child taken away. I only had the idea about Dixie and Matilda recently - I'm so glad you like it. I was trying to think of a way of introducing Dixie and Olivia without writing a whole new storyline.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm really pleased you found the update interesting.

 **Applealice10** , I love how you always find parts of the story that make you smile or laugh! Dylan and Luke will see each other again soon - they won't be giving up on each other that easily. Thank you for your review.

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review. Cal really doesn't deserve to lose Matilda - he broke the law because he was respecting her needs. So difficult. Dylan had appendicitis and an infection, so she isn't at her strongest and she's usually a good judge of character. She even understands Dylan K! I'm sorry for making everyone look at you oddly on the train! But I'm glad you found it funny.

* * *

Connor had been pleased the first time he was asked to take charge of Resus. Although a registrar, he was relatively new to the team and he was flattered they trusted him. But with Cal, Ethan and Lily all absent, and Dylan preoccupied with the other Dylan, Connor had been in charge of Resus every day and while he felt he could cope, it was a worrying situation.

Ella was assisting him in Resus, having flatly refused to tell Connor what was wrong. He was watching her closely and although she hadn't done anything wrong, he was aware she could break at any moment.

When she finally did, it wasn't at the moment he'd expected. She'd borne the loss of one patient and the miraculous recovery of another calmly, but when a patient jokingly asked if he could still have a sex life, Ella rushed out of Resus.

Connor finished reassuring his patient, left a locum in temporary charge and went in search of Ella. The two Dylans were having a cuddle in the staff room, but Connor finally found Ella in the on-call room.

"I'm sorry!" sobbed Ella. "I know you need me. I'll be okay in a minute."

"It's okay: the locums are dealing with it and they'll bleep me if they need me," said Connor. "Ella, if you want to talk, I'm here, okay?"

"It's my dad," wept Ella.

Connor put his arm around her. "What happened?"

"He slept with Lily!"

"Lily _Hardy_?" said Connor, shocked – but perhaps that explained Ethan's absence.

"I can't cope anymore," sobbed Ella. "I know he's not well and I want to be there for him, but I can't keep an eye on him 24/7. I have to work. And while I'm working, he gets drunk, goes clubbing and brings girls home. I've told him not to do it, but he won't listen. I know that sounds stupid. I mean, I'm an adult now. I ought to be able to persuade him."

Connor felt a rush of empathy. "Parents can be really difficult. If they still think of you as a kid, which a lot of parents do, it won't even occur to them to listen to you. But that doesn't mean you can't get through to him."

* * *

Dylan K wished he knew what to say. He knew Dylan wouldn't cry like this unless she was hurting very badly. The fact she wasn't well would have an influence, but even so, she was deeply upset. "I thought you needed to know," he said, when she finally calmed.

Dylan sniffed. "You did the right thing, Dylan. Thank you."

Dylan K was slightly surprised she was thanking him for breaking her heart. "I'll get you a tissue."

"I've got some. But thanks." Dylan got one of out her bag.

"How about a glass of water?" said Dylan K awkwardly. "Excessive lacrimation causes dehydration. As I'm sure you know."

"Thanks, Dylan, but I've got some water too."

"Is there anything I _can_ do?" Dylan K spoke diffidently. "I would like to help."

Dylan smiled shakily. "I know. I appreciate it. Could I have some tea, please? It's clichéd but comforting."

* * *

Alicia hugged Lily tightly. "It's okay. You're here now. I'll look after you."

Lily remembered her disappointment when Alicia hadn't been able to get a job at Holby, but now, she was glad to go to St James' instead of her own hospital.

Alicia sat on the edge of the bed and held Lily's hand. "I need to ask you a couple of questions, Lily. I know they'll be difficult to answer."

Lily nodded. She tried to speak through the guilt pressing down on her lungs. "Just ask what you have to ask, Alicia. It's okay."

"Was what happened to you consensual?" asked Alicia, very gently. Lily could see tears shining in her eyes.

"I don't know," she confessed. "A few things have come back to me, but I can't remember if I consented or not." She shivered. "But why would I have consented, Alicia? Ethan hurt me, but I love him."

* * *

Cal sat beside Ethan, tears streaming down his face. He felt a flat, dull pain which he knew would always be there. "She's my baby, Ethan. My baby."

"I know," said Ethan, his voice choked. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I might never see her again. My baby. And it's my fault!" The last few words were a wail of grief. "If I hadn't let her go when she was a baby…"

Ethan held him tightly. "You did what seemed the only option at the time. You'd had a terrible shock and you couldn't think clearly, but you had to make a decision."

Cal leaned against Ethan's shoulder and sobbed some more. "Now I know how Mum felt when they took us away. And I know how Mum loved us as her children, even though we were adopted."

Ethan's hand moved in gentle circles on his back. When Cal was calmer, he moved to the edge of the sofa and reached for a tissue, his other arm still around Cal.

His hand hit the mug beside the box and it fell to the floor. It landed on the carpet and didn't smash, but Ethan's body became rigid. He sat there and stared, his mouth open; not moving.

"Ethan, it's okay," said Cal. "You were using your right hand. You were off-balance. You're upset. You were at least half-focused on me. Everyone is clumsy sometimes."

But Ethan didn't seem to hear him. He was looking at the glass. An uncontrollable trembling seized him.

* * *

Noel smiled as Louise passed, sending a cheerful smile to him and Jack. It was so good seeing her like this. He'd always admired her confidence, her complete honesty and her inability to suffer fools gladly, but it was good to see a softer, gentler, kinder side of Louise. He was sure her patients appreciated it too.

When Louise returned, Noel called to her. To his surprise, she hesitated slightly, but then she walked over to the desk.

"I'm so proud of you," said Noel, as he held out his hands.

"What for?" said Louise, putting her hands in his. "I mean, I… I… thank you."

"I'm proud of you for trying so hard. Changing yourself takes so much courage, but you've done it, Louise. And I love the person you're becoming."

Louise's hands tensed in his, but she smiled. "I love you too, babe. I'd better go. I'm working."

* * *

Jess showed Matilda the living room. "Here you are, Matilda. Why don't you wait there while I sort out some lunch? Or, on second thoughts – Olli, why don't you give Matilda a tour of the house?" She smiled at Matilda. "You'll want to know where everything is."

"Thank you, Jess," said Matilda, barely audible.

Olivia took her hand. "This is the living room, as Mum said. This is your home, so whenever you want to sit in here, all you've got to do is walk right in and make yourself comfortable. You'll never be intruding. Here's the kitchen. If ever you want tea, coffee, water, biscuits, just come in and help yourself. If you fancy anything else, I would ask Mum or Dixie. I've learned the hard way it's much better to ask!"

Matilda nodded and tried to smile. Olivia pointed out the dining room and the downstairs loo ("Very important that we show you that one!"), then took her upstairs.

"Here's the bathroom – also very important!" said Olivia. "Help yourself to any bathroom products. When Mum does her next big shop, you can let her know what you usually use and she can sort that out for you. If you can't find anything, just give a shout." She took Matilda out onto the landing. "This is your room here at the end. I'm next to you, Mum and Dixie are next to me and the boys have got the two bedrooms on the top floor. There's a spare next to you and another one upstairs. When I was younger, Mum and Dixie took in a lot more foster kids, but they've calmed down a bit now! There shouldn't be anyone else for a while because Mum and Dixie will want you to settle first."

Matilda looked around the room. It was small but pretty and it looked comfortable. It was in yellow with a single bed, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, a desk and chair and a full-length mirror. On the wall was a painting. It didn't look professionally-done, but what struck Matilda was how much life was in it. The people in it were at a distance, but they seemed so alive.

"That's one of mine," said Olivia, with an embarrassed look. "I know it's not great, but Mum will insist on sticking them all over the house! It was actually a picture I did that got Mum and Dixie together. They've still got it in their room."

"I think it's good," said Matilda shyly. "It's got energy."

Olivia looked really pleased. "Thanks, Matilda! Can I call you Tilly?"

"Of course," said Matilda. "That's what my friends call me. Do you still do art now?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not so much now because I'm too busy, but once the singing's dried up and I go back to real life and get a proper job, maybe I'll have more time."

* * *

Dylan K looked apologetically at Dylan. "I need to go back to work. Would you like to stay here? I can get you a book."

Dylan smiled. "Thanks, but I should probably go home."

Dylan K seemed slightly disappointed. "You're right. Go home. Get some rest."

Dylan wanted to hug him. He was trying so hard.

"But we should check you over before you go," said Dylan K. He removed his stethoscope and handed it to Dylan. "How are your heart and lung sounds?"

If he kept on like this, thought Dylan, he might be getting a hug whether he wanted one or not.


	52. Chapter 52

**westlife4ever80** , I'm sorry you got emotional! Though it is lovely to know you got so involved in the story. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your reviews. I'm glad you like Connor - he seems very sweet and gentle in the episodes, so I kind of took it from there. I don't think Lily is trying to insinuate anything - Alicia asked a direct question and Lily gave the truthful answer that she couldn't remember. She's still trying to process everything. Perhaps Matilda will thrive better with Dixie and Jess - I hadn't really thought of her relationship with Cal as bad. Although her confidence has improved, she's got a long way to go.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I thought it would be nice for Matilda to have a big sister who cared about her, especially one who might have some idea who she's been through.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm really glad you're still enjoying it, but I wish I had half _your_ writing talent! You're always having ideas I wish I'd thought of and I can't write verse to save my life. Ethan's sonnet in Taylor-Made took me about 6 weeks! I'll join you in the queues for comforting the brothers and hugging Dylan K. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Dixie also knows Matilda from when she's treated Ariana following suicide attempts, so it could be interesting for both of them. Cal and Ethan crying is sad, but I do like to provide excuses for brotherly hugs! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I have a horrible feeling there isn't a single joke in this chapter - I hope you'll prove me wrong! I'm really glad you liked the ending. I suppose Tilly is strong - it took courage to trust Cal when no-one else believed her. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I think Dylan K is probably quite glad now that the baby was named after him! It can't be easy for Matilda at all, but it could be a lot worse. I'm sure Cal will try his hardest to reassure Ethan, but it won't be easy.

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review and your lovely comment! I really am glad you're enjoying the story so much. I'm glad you like the way I wrote Cal's emotions - but you're right: I'm really making him suffer, and Ethan too! I'll need to research whether Cal and Matilda would be allowed to see each other. I would guess not until they'd finished investigating Cal and perhaps not even then. I often want to hug Dylan K too, though I don't much rate my chances of him hugging me back!

* * *

Matilda sat awkwardly between Jess and Olivia. She was grateful for the effort they'd gone to in order to ensure she felt welcome and she did like both of them, but she wasn't happy.

How could she be happy when Cal could be in serious trouble? Because of _her_?

Jess and Olivia had gone over the house rules. They were very small in comparison with the rules Matilda's parents had set. The idea of choosing when her friends came to visit was new to her. She had, in the past, asked her parents if Dylan, Lottie or Ariana could come over on a particular day, but the answer had always been no. Instead, she'd had to wait till her parents had decided it was rude of her to go so long without asking her friends to visit.

She was thrilled to have permission to have a bath more than once a week and it surprised her to learn she was welcome to ask for help and ideas with her homework. Being asked to help with the cooking frightened her as she'd always been told she was too stupid and too clumsy to cook, but at the same time, it was a skill she really wanted to acquire. She couldn't yet imagine living on her own, but she couldn't help dreaming that one day she'd be able to cook for Cal.

The thought of Cal brought her both pain and comfort. She wanted so much to be held in his arms and to hear his reassuring words – but she wasn't without hope that it would be possible. Cal and Dixie had known each other for years. Surely she would see that Matilda needed Cal and wouldn't stand in their way.

* * *

Dylan K saw Dylan safely into a taxi, having completely failed in his attempts to convince her to let either him or the hospital pay. He hoped she'd be all right. Her blood pressure was slightly elevated and so was her pulse rate. The cause of this could be emotional or physical and either way, he was worried.

He trusted her to look after herself and to bring herself back to the hospital if needed, but he found that wasn't enough to stop him from worrying about her.

It wasn't long before he was worrying about Luke too. The boy didn't seem to be anywhere in the hospital and he wasn't answering his phone.

"Connor, have you seen Luke?" said Dylan K. He wasn't sure what to make of Connor. He would have said he was too kind and naïve to be a good doctor – but you could say the same of Ethan and he'd been fine until his wife had left him. Dylan K had the impression (not that he'd been interested enough to ask) that Connor was single. There was one point in his favour.

"He left a while ago," said Connor, looking concerned. "I saw him leaving when I was outside looking for Ella. I hope everything's okay, Dylan."

Dylan K experienced a feeling of foreboding. "Why were you looking for Ella outside?"

"She was... on her break," said Connor awkwardly. "I'm sorry, Dylan: I need to get back to my patients. I hope you find Luke. He's a good kid."

Dylan K nodded and let him go, but he'd just discovered another person he needed to worry about.

First Lily, then Ethan, then Cal – and now, potentially, Ella. One by one, his colleagues were falling apart – and if there was one doctor who was not equipped to deal with that, it was Dylan K.

* * *

Louis somehow managed to hold both twins safely in one arm as he held out his other hand to Robyn. "Come on: it's okay. I've got you."

Robyn would usually have been able to climb onto the train without too much trouble, but everything was more difficult when you were pregnant. It wasn't just that she felt heavier and more awkward; she was carrying an immeasurably precious new life inside her and losing her footing could potentially lead to something so much more terrible than embarrassment.

Louis smiled. "It's okay. I'm not going to let you or the twins fall."

Reassured, Robyn lifted one foot and felt Louis' firm, reassuring grip.

She noticed two women watching and smiled at them. They smiled back. "Looks like you've got that man of yours well-trained, love."

Robyn gave an awkward laugh, but Louis came to her rescue.

"I'm just the childminder, but Robyn's got me well-trained all right. She wouldn't let me near her kids if I wasn't!"

He settled Robyn carefully into one of the seats opposite him and lowered Sienna into her arms. Ava took the seat beside her.

As the train drew away, Robyn told herself she felt happy. It was a lovely day and the kids seemed to be enjoying themselves.

But she couldn't help thinking that a lot of people probably thought Louis was her man.

* * *

Charlie looked at his watch nervously. She was late and that wasn't like her. Of course, he had no idea what she was like as a girlfriend – if 'girlfriend' was the right word – but she wasn't the sort of person you'd associate with being late.

He resisted the urge to look out the window. How pathetic would that look if she saw him?

When the doorbell rang, he jumped to his feet, then forced himself to walk slowly and nonchalantly. He checked his appearance in the hall mirror and nodded in satisfaction. Then he opened the door.

"Hey, Charlie." She was slightly out of breath. "I'm so sorry I'm late."

Charlie smiled and reached for her hand, drawing her into the house and towards the stairs. "That's okay, Lottie. You're here now."

* * *

Dylan wasn't sure what to do.

She didn't want to go home. Chloe would be kind to her, but she would also be horribly worried to see Dylan had been crying. Chloe had spent most of Dylan's life worrying about her, while Dylan had spent most of her life trying to convince Chloe that she was okay.

After losing Lally on their wedding day, Chloe had barely looked at another woman. She was happy to be single and remembered Lally with many more smiles than tears, but she did often question whether denying her daughter a second parent was the right thing to do.

Dylan had always done her best to ensure that these fears were kept to a minimum. On the rare occasions when she cried, it had to be kept a secret from her mother. So she couldn't go home.

Matilda, Ariana and Lottie seemed like the next-best options, but much as she loved them, Dylan had never really confided in them much either. For one thing, apart from the incident in the park when she was five, she didn't usually let anything worry her, apart from the people she cared about.

Dylan walked slowly away from the house. For almost the first time in her life, she felt alone.

She could see now why Ariana always wanted to hurt herself when her relationships came to an end. Not that Dylan was considering doing the same, but she was hurting badly and she could understand Ariana's desperation stop the pain.

* * *

Ethan was still shaking. Cal had spent some time attempting to comfort him and when that hadn't worked, he'd made him some tea. But Ethan was shaking too much to hold the cup and the fact Cal was holding it made him feel even worse because it only seemed to confirm what was happening to him.

"It's okay, Ethan. It's okay." Cal had stopped crying now, but it was very clear to Ethan how upset he was. His voice was full of emotion as he tried to console his brother. "You've had a shock: that's all. You'll be okay in a minute. Here, Nibbles: have some more tea."

Ethan's teeth chattered against the cup as he did as he was told.

"There: that's right," said Cal. "Don't forget your breathing, Nibbles. Breathe in slowly for me? That's better. I'm right here and I'm not going to leave you." He sighed a bit sadly. "I'm all yours now."

"No: we'll get her back," said Ethan, but his words sounded empty and hollow. He couldn't believe they were true because that would involve something going right and he couldn't imagine that happening ever again.

Cal stroked Ethan's shoulder. "Ethan, is this why you turned down the clinical lead job? Because of the Huntington's?"

Ethan sighed sadly and nodded. "We need someone who has the potential to do the job long-term; not someone who'd be lucky to last five years without mental and physical deterioration. I didn't even know if I'd last six months. I was flattered to be invited to apply; even more flattered to be offered the job, but I had to be realistic, Cal."

* * *

Until Alicia's question, it hadn't even crossed Lily's mind that her… _liaison_ with Ash had been anything but consensual. She remembered her unhappiness of the previous night and she remembered making the decision to drink, even if she couldn't remember much of what happened afterwards.

She knew the old Ash wouldn't have been capable of it. She still maintained that his treatment of her had been unacceptable – while she had, perhaps, made a mistake in classing his day-to-day behaviour as bullying, it had been very wrong of him to pretend that the patient whom she'd treated in error had died. But she felt now, with hindsight, that he was a good man who had tried his best. Being a mentor wasn't easy.

But sixteen years had passed and even her limited contact with him this morning had suggested he was a very different man. The Ash she'd known would not have picked up drunken women in bars, yet Ella had suggested it was a regular occurrence.

Lily didn't know what to do. She couldn't and wouldn't accuse Ash of anything if there was no evidence – Alicia had given her no clue about whether her examination of Lily had suggested some sort of struggle. But the possibility remained and if so, other vulnerable (or temporarily stupid) women could be in danger. Where should her loyalties lie?

Lily hoped Alicia would return soon so she could discuss it with her, but when her friend reappeared, Lily's notes in her hand, the expression on her face was such that Lily felt only fear.

There was hurt in Alicia's voice as she asked the question: "Lily, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"


	53. Chapter 53

_Warning: this chapter does include mentions of experiments having been done on animals. It is based on current Huntington's research - it's not just something I made up - but that doesn't mean I approve of it._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. None of this is Matilda's fault, but I don't think she agrees with us! That's an interesting point that Alicia might not be satisfied with Lily's answer - although they're friends now, they're still very different.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I was hoping Dylan might care for David in the show - he was quite supportive to begin with - but later, he lost patience a bit. I wasn't expecting Lily to be pregnant either - it just popped into my head! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid this chapter is serious too - I'll try for some humour next time! I think Dylan is a strong girl, but she still needs support sometimes - and it might be harder to get support if no-one expects you to need it.

 **westlife4ever** , yes, I think we know exactly what Lily's been doing! And very soon, you'll know who she's been doing it with. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , you haven't lost track - Lily slept with Ash last night. I'm still upset Ethan has Huntington's, but it did give him a good reason for declining the job! I was really stuck for a reason till that happened! I didn't plan for Dylan K to hold everything together - he's just the only one left! - but I like writing about him being pulled in so many different directions! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , is 'you've got him well-trained' offensive to women? I thought it would be more offensive to men - implying that women have the intelligence to work it out, but men always need help. I'm glad you can understand Matilda's unhappiness when she's finally got a lovely family. Thank you for your review - I think Casualty is a big, glorious soap opera, only much better-written!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I found Dylan K so difficult to write at first, so it's really good to know I'm getting him right now. Ethan does deserve to know Lily is pregnant, but he might see it as yet another thing that's gone wrong.

* * *

Dylan wasn't paying attention to where she was going, but it seemed like fate – not that she usually believed in it – when she found herself in the park.

The park where it had happened.

She had been here since, of course. It had been impossible to avoid it. Chloe had brought her here as a child. When she was older, she'd come here with her friends. Dylan had dealt with it calmly because the alternative meant she'd have to explain.

But finding it now when she felt so low, not so very long after confessing what had happened for the first time…

Dylan's legs were shaking. She sat down on a bench and got out her phone. Ariana and Matilda had problems of their own, so she called Lottie.

The phone rang a few times, then it stopped.

Lottie had rejected her call.

Dylan stared at the phone in shock, then she tried Matilda.

Matilda's phone didn't even ring. It was already switched off.

So that left Ariana. A shudder of guilt went through Dylan. Ariana had been admitted overnight following a suicide attempt, but although Dylan had been at the hospital for much of the morning, she hadn't visited her.

Dylan should phone to apologise if nothing else.

"Hey, Dylan," said Ariana.

"Ariana, I'm so sorry-"

But Ariana had continued speaking. "I'm really sorry, but I can't talk now. I'm a bit busy with something. I'll call you later."

"Oh… yeah, sure," said Dylan. "I hope everything's okay."

But as Dylan dropped the phone into her lap, she believed nothing was okay.

* * *

Connor smiled at Ariana. "Yes, you are looking better. I think we can send you home now, if you feel ready to go – you'll be in good hands with your parents. Your dad rescued me from a bin once and your mum saved my life, so they know what they're doing!"

"Hey!" said Max jokingly. "I saved your life too, you know. I did the important stuff. Zoe just came in at the end!"

Zoe shook her head, laughing. "It would probably be disloyal to point out you did all the important stuff under my instructions – but I'm not sure I could have done it better."

Max, who had tensed slightly at her opening words, felt himself relax slightly. "I was very well-instructed."

Zoe smiled in acknowledgement of his words, then turned to her daughter. "What do you think, Ari? Would you like to come home with us?"

Ariana's eyes met Max's, then slanted away. "Please don't be angry."

Max gave her a hug. "Of course we won't be angry. If you want to stay, you can stay. I always used to enjoy hanging out with Dr Christie."

"I'd like to go home with you, Dad," said Ariana. "But I think… I think Mum might like to stay here."

* * *

"I'll be in my room if you need anything," said Olivia. She gave Matilda a hug, then left her alone.

Matilda sank down onto the bed.

Jess and Olivia were so lovely and she already knew Dixie was lovely too. She'd been lucky. She could have ended up somewhere much worse.

But the more Matilda tried to convince herself of this, the more upset she felt.

She missed Cal. She wanted to be with him so much. To receive his comfort – and comfort him in her turn.

He loved her. He saw her as his daughter and now she'd been taken away from him.

Because of her, Cal was under suspicion at a time when he was already devastated about Ethan.

 _It's my fault_ , thought Matilda, as her tears began to fall. _He wanted to take me to the police before. If only I hadn't been too caught up in my own problems to realise I was creating problems for him too..._

* * *

Lily felt faint. "I can't be!" She was trembling. "It's too soon. It can't possibly be detected yet. It's only been a few hours!"

"Oh, no, I don't mean it's Ash's!" said Alicia. Her face swam into focus. She looked confused now. "Lily, I'm sorry. I should have told you this first. But you and Ash did not have sex – at least, not last night."

"Or any other night either!" retorted Lily. "Do you really think I would do that to Ethan?"

Alicia looked slightly awkward. "You thought you'd had sex with Ash last night."

"Yes, because I have no memory of last night and I woke up in his bed!" snapped Lily. "But that has never happened before!" She swung her legs from the bed and tried to stand up, but dizziness assailed her again.

"Lily, are you okay?" Alicia hurried to her side.

Lily pushed her away. "No, I am not okay! I am upset and confused and I don't know what to think anymore!" She was breathing hard. "Are you absolutely certain I did not have sex with Ash?"

"Well… it's not impossible," said Alicia. "The new tests are very good, but mistakes can always be made…" She tentatively touched Lily's shoulder. "Lily, I really am sorry for my unprofessionalism just now. As your friend, I was hurt you hadn't told me you were pregnant, but I should have considered that you might not know – and even if you did know, I have no right to expect you to tell me."

"I promise you, Alicia," said Lily, her voice shaking, "I had no idea I was pregnant and I know the baby must be Ethan's. But we always take precautions. We have to."

Alicia sat beside her and put a sympathetic arm around her shoulders. "Even now, no precautions are 100%. But you know, just because it's Ethan's baby, it doesn't mean your baby has the gene. Even if it does, we can scan the foetus before the baby is born. And if you decide to have the baby, he or she can take the same treatment as Ethan."

"Ethan's treatment is experimental!" burst out Lily. "All they know is that it works on mice, but that proves nothing. Mice have a much shorter lifespan than humans and Huntington's in mice is artificially-produced. It's not the same."

"It's also immoral," said Alicia, as she always did.

"I know. But they have stopped it now," said Lily.

"Yes. I know." Alicia returned to the original subject. "It is likely that the treatment will be more advanced by the time your baby starts to show symptoms."

"That's not good enough!" snapped Lily. "I will not bring a child with Huntington's into the world." Her eyes filled with tears. "But can I really let it die? In the test tube, it is different, but this baby is already inside me. It's already a part of me. Alicia, what am I going to do?"

* * *

Rita almost dragged Iain into the house and hugged him tightly.

"Hey, steady on! I thought you said we were going to talk to Alfie!" said Iain. "Any more of this and we'll have another kid to worry about!"

"At our age?" said Rita, and kissed him. "I've just been really worried, Iain. I've never seen Alfie like this."

"Has he forgotten to do his hair or something?" said Iain.

"It's a mess," said Rita bluntly.

Iain's face sobered. Alfie not doing his hair was serious stuff. "What's he said, exactly?"

"He doesn't want to call the police."

"Have you asked him why?"

Rita sighed. "Of course I have. He won't tell me."

Iain saw the frustration in her face and wished he could replace it with another kind of frustration – but now wasn't the time. "Why do you think he doesn't want us calling the police?"

"He won't say," said Rita. "And that worries me, Iain. What if he knows who's behind this? What if he knows and he's covering up for them?"

* * *

Dylan K stared down at the text. That was the trouble with getting close to people. He was already worried about Luke and Dylan. His feelings for Cal, Lily, Ethan and Ella might be stretching in that direction too.

And now, Lofty. He'd just sent a text. _Still not feeling great. No sign of Robyn. She's not answering her phone. Getting worried now._

Dylan K was worried too. Robyn wouldn't have been expecting Lofty home until the evening and there was no reason why she shouldn't spontaneously decide to take the kids out for the day, but if Lofty was worried, then Robyn's behaviour was probably sufficiently out of character to warrant his concern.

And then there was Luke. Dylan K promised Hazel he'd look after him. And what had he done? He'd driven him out of the boat. He'd promised to help him find Hazel and then backed out at the last minute.

The computer was in front of him; tempting him. Dylan K typed in Hazel's name again. There was no reason why _he_ shouldn't know where she was. Hazel should know that he wouldn't do anything that involved communicating with Brian.

Dylan K clicked on Hazel's name and opened up her file.

* * *

Cal pushed open Matilda's bedroom door. The bed had been carefully-made, but it was unquestionably Matilda's room. The book she was reading, a teenage novel which Lily had – wrongly, in Cal's opinion – confiscated from Daisy sat on her bedside table. Taylor was tucked up beneath the covers, her head on Matilda's pillow.

Taylor…

Cal rushed forward and picked up the toy, hugging it to his chest as he sank down onto the bed. Matilda had left Taylor. She was out there somewhere, God only knew where, and without the friendship even of her favourite toy.

Tears were brimming in Cal's eyes as he stumbled down the stairs. He half-remembered that he'd actually gone up to fetch something for Ethan, but it didn't seem to matter now. Ethan could get it himself if it was important. Matilda had no way of getting Taylor back.

He looked into the living room. "Ethan, I have to go out."

Ethan was curled up on the sofa, his glasses off and his eyes red. "Where?" he asked, a tremor in his voice.

"I have to take Taylor to Matilda."

"What are you talking about?" said Ethan. "We have no idea where Taylor is."

Cal held up the toy, before realising Ethan's sight would be too poor for him to see. "Matilda's lamb."

Alarm crossed Ethan's face. "Cal, you can't. You don't know where she is. I'm sure Matilda will be fine: she's managed without it for fifteen years."

"No, I've got to do this." said Cal, running towards the door.


	54. Chapter 54

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm sorry you had a bad day but glad my story helped a bit. I hope today is much better for you. Lily and Ethan's relationship is so fraught already, I'm not sure it could have survived if Lily had slept with Ash - though she did still choose to go home with him. You're not ridiculous! Taylor might easily want to hurt Cal. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. Poor Lily - she can't even feel all that relieved she didn't sleep with Ash after the shock of discovering she's pregnant!

 **Tanith Panic** , maybe Louis really has changed! But if so, he's going the wrong way about making friends. It's a horrible decision for Lily and the situation with Ethan makes it worse. I can imagine Cal hugged the toy the first time he lost Matilda too. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It will be difficult for Cal to find Matilda, but I'm sure he'll try his hardest... unless nothing else happens to distract him.

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you found some humour! And I'll always use your ideas if I can. Dylan does deserve help - her friends do have problems of their own, but Dylan needs help too. Don't worry - you haven't missed anything. Cal and Matilda haven't been told who rang the police, though it will be revealed eventually. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Matilda knew she needed to stop crying. She had a feeling Jess and Olivia would be sympathetic, rather than annoyed with her ingratitude, but she didn't want to worry them.

But she missed Cal. She missed him so much and not even the fact Dixie wasn't a stranger could make up for that.

Matilda knew she'd be able to see Cal if she really needed to. At the request of the police, she'd deleted his number from her contacts and call register, but she still had Ethan's number. She also knew where Cal lived and worked – if she really needed him, she would be able to find him.

But she didn't want to get Cal into trouble.

She jumped as someone knocked on her door. "Tilly?"

Matilda ran over to the big mirror and scrubbed at her eyes, but they were already swollen. "Come in," she. The words sounded odd on her lips. She'd never had to say them before. Her parents had always burst into her room uninvited.

Olivia came into the room. "Hey, Tilly. I was just wondering… aw, Tilly!" Olivia ran into the room and gave her a hug. "It's okay. I know it's a big shock. New house, new people… I was a mess at boot camp. I was just going to say I've found some clothes that don't fit me anymore, but you don't have to look at them now. Is there anything I can do? Shall I get Mum, I mean Jess?"

"I just want Cal!" sobbed Matilda.

Olivia went quiet. "Oh. Um… I'll go and talk to Jess."

Matilda began to tremble. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be ungrateful. I do think your mum's amazing. But I know Cal a lot better and I miss him."

* * *

Dylan didn't think she'd moved since Ariana had virtually hung up on her. She stared down at her phone as she might have stared at a spider if she'd been frightened of them.

Dylan had never been afraid of spiders. She'd never been afraid of anything much. But she realised now she was afraid of being alone.

She would have said her friends were always there for her, just as she was always there for them. But perhaps they never had been there for her. She just hadn't realised because she'd never asked them for help.

Dylan felt tears welling up. Twice in one day, she thought sadly as she tried to blink them away, but they spilled over when she remembered when she couldn't rely on Luke either.

All she had was Dylan K. He was working – overworked, if anything – but Dylan needed him.

She phoned him.

It rang and rang and went to voicemail. Dylan listened to his abrupt message and prepared to leave a reply, but the words didn't come.

He was probably busy treating a patient, but all she could think was that Dylan K hadn't answered her call either.

* * *

Lofty lifted his head very gingerly from the pillow. The paracetamol had helped, but not to the extent where he felt like leaving his bed.

Dylan K had drawn the curtains so Lofty wouldn't be bothered by the light, but he'd left the door open just a crack. Lofty cautiously moved into a sitting position, but immediately, his head protested, sending blinding pain across his forehead.

He wished Robyn was here. Dylan K couldn't have been kinder, but Robyn had ways of dealing with headaches that Dylan K couldn't offer.

Where was she?

Lofty lay back down on the bed.

He didn't mind that Robyn had taken the kids out. If he'd got home from his shift to find Robyn and the children absent, he would have been a little put out if Robyn hadn't let him know – just as she'd have been slightly put out if their positions were reversed. But as far as Robyn knew, Lofty would be working till six. There was no need to let him know she was taking the kids out for lunch.

But it was odd she wasn't answering her phone. That was very odd.

* * *

Alicia regretted her outburst now. It had hurt her to think Lily and Ethan had planned a baby without telling her. Supporting Lily through her second and third successful pregnancies and acting as her birth partner had been the closest Alicia had come to having her own children. But Lily was under no obligation to tell her anything.

Perhaps it was now time to admit the truth: Alicia wanted to be a mother and she was gutted it hadn't happened with Sam. She knew it couldn't be his fault as he'd already fathered Charlie, so that meant it was her fault.

She was a failure. As a mother; as a wife; as a woman…

She knew Lily would understand. She and Ethan had lost their first child, Emilie, and almost hadn't wanted to try again. But Lily needed Alicia's support now. Her own problems would have to wait.

"Alicia, are you okay?" said Lily.

Alicia gave Lily a quick smile but kept her attention on the road ahead. "Sorry. Just berating myself for jumping to conclusions."

"There is no need," said Lily.

"I suppose IVF is so common now, we almost forget what sex is for," said Alicia. She was trying to speak lightly, but she didn't think she'd succeeded.

"I never expected it to happen naturally at my age," said Lily. "We were so careful at first. But perhaps we have become too complacent."

Alicia reached across and patted her hand. "You know I'm here for you, don't you."

"I know," said Lily. "Thank you."

They were home now. Alicia parked the car and they went inside.

The silence hit her immediately. She realised the problem even before Lily turned to her, anxiety on her face. "Where are the children?"

"Maybe Charlie took them out somewhere?" suggested Alicia, but it was unlikely.

Then, from upstairs, they heard a sound.

Creaking bedsprings.

Alicia froze. "Sam…"

"More likely Charlie," said Lily.

"But Charlie's only fifteen!"

"That matters very little to some people," said Lily wisely.

Alicia listened to a few more creaks, then she launched herself up the stairs. The creaking stopped. She heard muffled voices.

She opened Charlie's door.

* * *

Dylan K's phone was ringing, but he was busy. He was writing down the name of the hospital where Hazel was staying.

He'd almost finished writing when a hand came down, blocking the screen.

He looked up in irritation, which quickly became confusion. "Zoe? What are you doing here?" he asked, dimly aware his phone had stopped ringing.

"I'm Dr Walker, your new locum," said Zoe.

There was a light in her eyes that Dylan K hadn't seen for some time. "That's excellent. But I am rather busy."

Zoe took her hand away and peered at the screen. "Oh, Dylan. You're _not_."

"You have no idea what I'm doing," said Dylan K.

"Dylan, I might not know who Hazel Leyton is, but I know your half-brother is Luke Leyton," said Zoe.

Dylan K thought of lying. Then he wondered why. Apart from the fact that he didn't really see the point, this was Zoe. His friend. "Hazel is Luke's mother. Luke wants to know where she is."

"And you're breaking the rules to find out?" said Zoe.

* * *

Ethan leapt to his feet. He was upset and stressed and he didn't want to be bothered with Cal's latest crazy scheme, but Cal was his brother. If he got into another mess, he was going to need Ethan.

He arrived at the door just as Cal shut it in his face. Ethan immediately opened it again, struggling a little as his hand shook ( _I'm tired and I'm stressed and I haven't eaten_ , he told himself), but finally, he managed it. As he ran outside, he became aware he didn't have his shoes on and hesitated for a moment.

But there was no time to get his shoes. Cal was already in the car, backing out of the drive. Ethan ran towards him, waving his arms. A moment later, his face hit the ground.

He also had abrasions on his hands and knees, though the latter were partly-protected by his trousers.

But that wasn't what hurt the most.

He'd _fallen over_.

"Ethan?" Cal had stopped the car and was now bending over his brother. "Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

All Ethan could hear was his death knoll.

* * *

Rita felt stronger with Iain by her side. She thought it was the same for him, though she knew he'd never admit it.

Alfie was staring at the floor, his hands in his lap.

Iain sat beside him and gave him a friendly punch in the arm. "You all right, mate?"

Alfie just shrugged and didn't tell Iain he was too old for friendly arm-punching.

"So, what's all this about the facebook page?" said Iain. "Why don't you want to phone the police, eh?"

"It's just some kids messing around," said Alfie. "Not worth wasting police time over that."

Iain kept his voice friendly. "That's a good attitude to have, mate. A lot of people do waste police time. But the person who's been posting on the page is breaking the law – or at least, they're working with someone who's breaking the law."

Alfie made only the smallest pause, but Rita noticed it. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice guarded.

"I mean, this person knows stuff about what's been happening in the hospital," said Iain. "I don't know how, but they shouldn't have access to this information.

"Then it must be someone from the hospital," mumbled Alfie.

"I really can't see anyone who works at the hospital creating a kids' gossip page," said Rita. She paused significantly. "I don't think you can either, Alfie."

She saw Alfie shrink into himself, his elbows tight to his body. "Why shouldn't they do that if they want to?"

"Because it's illegal," said Rita. She was going round in circles, but sometimes you had to. It could take time to break down someone's defences.

"Alfie," said Iain, and the friendly note was gone from his voice. "Who do you think is responsible for the gossip page?"

Alfie turned belligerently to look at Iain. "How the hell should I know?" he shouted.


	55. Chapter 55

**westlife4ever80** , I'm glad you like reading emotions as I'm sure I will put you and Dylan through lots of stress and emotions when I write your story! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it is really difficult for Matilda and Alfie - it's not easy being the child of someone who works in the ED! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. You found out who Charlie was sleeping with a couple of chapters ago, but you'll find out again in this chapter. I know it's difficult to keep track of all the characters. I get confused too! I do feel mean for torturing lovely Ethan!

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review. I'm really excited that you have theories about who called the police! It's really lovely that you'd think about it that much. I'm doing my best to keep Rita and Iain as a happy couple because the story is short of them! Lofty and Robyn aren't unhappy yet, but as you say, things aren't looking good. But perhaps the new baby will help Lily and Ethan.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm worried about Ethan too! He must feel like he's lost everything. I don't think Lofty minds that Robyn's gone out, but he probably has an inkling that something isn't quite right. Either that or he wants a trained nurse fussing over him when he's ill! They will talk soon. I'm pleased Zoe's working again and so's Ariana so that's five of us! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm really excited you have a theory too! It's so amazing that you and others care enough to wonder about it. Dylan will start talking to someone in this chapter. It's nice that you see Tilly as being strong - I think she would disagree with that, but I'm sure Cal would be proud of her. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Dylan probably didn't think of herself as being alone till she actually needed support - she's very unlucky that her friends are having big dramas of their own! Cal really has a job on his hands to reassure Ethan now.

* * *

Zoe had known it wouldn't be easy, coming back, but she wasn't expecting to have to choose between friendship and duty within minutes of arriving.

"It's against the rules, Dylan," she said gently. "And it sounds like it's against Hazel's wishes too."

"What about Luke?" said Dylan K. "Do his wishes not count?"

"Of course they count, but when someone's made a direct request-"

"What would you do in my position?" interrupted Dylan K. "If Ariana found out her real mother was in hospital – which she quite likely is, given her history – and wanted to see her, what would you do?"

Just the thought of it made Zoe shiver. In the ten years Ariana had lived with her and Max, she'd never once expressed a wish to see her biological mother, but Zoe had been continually bracing herself for that moment.

"It would be difficult," admitted Zoe. "On the one hand, she's my daughter and I'd do anything to make her happy-"

"Luke's my brother," interrupted Dylan K. "And I'd do anything to make _him_ happy."

* * *

Louise needed a break.

She'd never have thought that being nice to people was so much work. Most people seemed to find it effortless, but Louise was exhausted.

Maybe Honey was right. Maybe she was horrible.

Louise took her coffee outside – for once desiring only her own company.

Her wish wasn't granted.

Lottie was sitting outside the hospital. Her hair was a mess, her coat was done up incorrectly and her face was blotchy from crying.

Louise hurried over to her. "Lottie, what's wrong?"

"Dr Bateman and Dr Hardy caught me with Charlie in his bedroom!" sobbed Lottie.

"Charlie Fairhead?" blurted Louise in horrified disbelief. "But he's…" She stopped. She had been going to say he was ancient, but then she remembered he'd died.

"No, Charlie _Bateman_ ," said Lottie. "Who's Charlie Fairhead?"

"Doesn't matter," said Louise quickly. "Here. You can have my coffee if you like."

* * *

"But you promised."

If Grace had sounded upset or angry, Connor might have found it easier. Calming people down was part of his job. But the calm, chilling voice (much like her mum's, from what Connor remembered) struck fear into his heart and made him tremble in his trainers.

"I know I promised. I'm sorry," said Connor. "But I doubt I'll get more than five minutes for lunch – if I get a lunchbreak at all."

"It's getting to be quite a habit, Connor, isn't it?" said Grace coolly.

"Sorry, babe," said Connor. "It's really difficult, three of the consultants going off sick at the same time."

Grace sighed. "If you can't meet me for lunch, then I suppose that's not your fault."

"I'll call you later," said Connor. "Maybe we can have dinner? There's a new place that's opened just down the road. Thai, I think. Want to give it a try?"

Grace thawed just slightly. "All right."

But Connor was looking at Ella, who was running towards him, looking distraught. "Sorry, Grace, I need to go. See you later, babe." He held out his hand. "What's up, Ella?"

"Connor, I need a doctor," sobbed Ella. "I mean, my dad needs a doctor. They won't let me treat him because I'm a relative. Please help me!"

* * *

Dixie arrived home to find Jess and Olivia talking in hushed voices. "What's all this? Where's my new daughter? You haven't frightened her away, I hope?" She kissed Jess and gave Olivia a hug.

"She wants to see Cal," said Jess sadly.

Olivia was visibly squirming. "She's only fifteen! How come I was too young for Cal when I was eighteen and she's not too young when she's fifteen? I mean, what's she got that I haven't?"

"Olivia, please calm down!" said Jess, her voice low but sharp. "I know this is awkward for you, but the… little incident with Cal was a long time ago. I'm sure he doesn't even remember it."

Dixie saw the hurt on Olivia's face. Although Cal was in no way her type, she could understand why her daughter (yes, technically stepdaughter, but 'daughter' to Dixie) had developed a crush on him. "It's all right, Olli. Cal doesn't think of Matilda in that way. He thinks of her as his daughter."

"But she's not his daughter, is she?" said Jess.

"It's complicated," said Dixie, unsure how much she ought to reveal. "Fifteen years ago, one of Cal's exes had a baby girl. She said he he was the father, but he wasn't, so he let the baby go."

Olivia's eyes widened. "So, Matilda's like a replacement for his daughter?"

"That sort of thing," said Dixie carefully. "But please don't say anything to Matilda about it."

"Of course I won't," said Olivia. "Poor Tilly. I still hope he doesn't come here though."

"He won't come here," said Dixie quietly. She looked up as someone knocked on the kitchen door. "Is that you, Matilda? Come on in."

Matilda opened the door and peered around it. "Hi, Dixie."

"Hi, sweetheart. It's good to see you." Dixie gave her a hug. "Are you okay? It must be a bit overwhelming."

"Dixie, I'm sorry. it's lovely here and Jess and Olivia are so nice, but I really need Cal!"

* * *

Dylan had spent so long staring at her phone, she'd almost given up hope that she might ever get another text.

But there it was.

Dylan wiped her eyes and looked to see who it was from. Lottie, Ariana, Matilda, Dylan K... Dylan just wanted to know that _one_ of them cared.

When she saw it was from Luke, she almost decided not to read it. When a boy wasn't good for you, the only logical thing to do was to make a clean break and have nothing more to do with him.

But it seemed Dylan had lost her sense of logic at the same time she'd lost her heart.

 _Dylan I know where mum is. Can we talk? x_

* * *

Cal couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this terrified.

He was fairly sure Ethan's injuries weren't serious, but he knew how Ethan would see it. Clumsiness… falling over… maybe Ethan was right. Maybe the symptoms were starting.

Cal was blinking back tears as he went to get the first aid kit. He didn't want to lose Ethan. He'd already lost Matilda today. To know he was going to lose Ethan too…

Ethan was sitting where Cal had left him, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay," said Cal. "Don't cry. I'll sort this out."

"You can't," whispered Ethan.

Cal put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Yes, I can. Can you show me your hands?" They were badly-grazed and Cal didn't doubt they were painful, but they weren't bleeding. "I'll put some cream on for you in a minute, but let's deal with the bleeding first." He gave Ethan a couple of tissues. "Here you are: you know what to do."

Ethan held the tissues over his nose and mouth. "Are my glasses broken?"

"They're cracked. I'll find your spares in a minute." Cal leaned close so Ethan could see him. "You're going to be okay. Whatever happens, Ethan, I'm going to look after you. I want to do it and you really deserve it after all those years you've spent looking after me."

"I'm sorry," whispered Ethan.

Cal felt close to tears again. "Don't you apologise, Ethan, okay? You've done nothing wrong. Nothing. You're a wonderful husband; a wonderful father; and you've always been a wonderful brother. Nothing is ever going to change that."

"I always wanted to be a wonderful doctor too," said Ethan with teary eyes.

"And you are," said Cal firmly. "You really are and if you don't believe me, ask anyone else in the hospital. But you know no-one can be a wonderful doctor forever. Connie and Elle retired early because they wanted to leave on a high. Maybe you'll be stopping a little bit sooner than most, but that's not going to change any of the wonderful things you've done. You've done so much, Ethan. And I'm sure you'll do a lot more."

* * *

Jamie always enjoyed babysitting. Jack was fond of telling him he still was a kid in some ways and Jamie hoped he'd never lose that quality. He was more than happy to sit on the floor and play Hospitals. It was the closest he ever got to nursing now. He and Jack had planned to take it in turns to be the breadwinner, but it hadn't worked out like that. Jamie didn't mind. He loved going shopping and having coffee mornings with Jeffrey's friends' parents, but it would have driven Jack mad.

He only wished Robyn was still a part of his life. She'd been his best friend until he'd left for Australia… how long ago was it? Sixteen, seventeen years? But then she'd met Lofty and he'd become her best friend instead. Now, of course, they were husband and wife as well as best friends. Robyn and Jamie usually stopped for coffee when they saw each other, but that was only once every four or five years and only briefly.

"Ooh, Jeffrey, I'm dying!" said Alice, batting her eyelashes up at her idol. "I need the kiss of life!"

"You little slapper," said Daisy, with a superior air.

Alice stared at her, confused and hurt. "I didn't slap him! I didn't even touch him."

"That's not what slapper means, squirt," said Daisy.

Jeffrey laughed. "Are you going to tell her what it means?"

"Shut up and get on with the game," said Daisy bossily.

Jeffrey bent over Alice. "Alice, can you hear me?" he asked in a concerned voice.

"No!" said Alice firmly.

Jeffrey tapped her shoulders lightly and she giggled. "She looks unconscious to me."

"If only!" sighed Daisy. She wasn't doing a great job at being the concerned relative.

Jamie let them get on with it and turned to Caleb. As he was the nurse and Caleb was the doctor, they wouldn't be required until Jeffrey, Daisy and Alice arrived at the hospital. "Okay, Dr Hardy?"

"Why don't Mummy and Daddy want us?" whispered Caleb.

"Caleb, of course they do!" Jamie gave him a hug. "They've just got a few things they need to sort out, but I know they miss you very much."

"What things?" whispered Caleb.

"Just grown-up things," said Jamie. "You'll see them again soon."

Jack had told him the rumours about Lily leaving Ethan. Jamie had refused to believe it, but he wasn't sure now. The kids wouldn't be staying with Alicia – apparently without either parent – unless there was something pretty badly wrong.


	56. Chapter 56

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Nothing much happened between Cal and Olivia, but a meeting between them would be awkward. Dixie doesn't know Tilly is the baby she looked after - no-one knows for sure, though it has crossed Dixie's mind.

 **westlife4ever80** , I'm sorry for making you cry, but I'm so happy you liked the scene so much. It is so devastating about Ethan's Huntington's, though I do think it's improved this story! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. That's a nice way of looking at Louise. I think once Matilda's eighteen, it will be difficult to keep her away from Cal if she's happy with it, but three years is a long time. Jamie went to Australia with his boyfriend, but (in this story) that didn't work out so he came home and met Jack, who obviously got his old job back. I'm glad you're enjoying it!

 **Applealice10** , maybe talking to your cheating boyfriend is better than nothing sometimes! Yes, Olivia had a crush on Cal a few years ago and now she's embarrassed to see him. At some point, you'll find out what happened. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , being with nice people you don't really know just isn't the same as being with the guy you think of as your dad. And poor Cal - he's lost Matilda twice now. He always tries to do the right thing and he always messes up! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your reviews. It's really lovely that you recognise that I try really hard to get things right - I make so many mistakes, even with all the research, so it's really nice you've noticed I do try! Dylan's friends don't know what's going on with her - they have had their own problems and Dylan isn't that experienced at asking for help. I think you're right about Ethan and I'm sure Lily's right about that too. Cal was really the first person to listen to Matilda at all - her friends knew she didn't have a good relationship with her parents, but Cal was the one who recognised something was seriously wrong. I'm not sure I've written Zoe and Dylan's friendship before - I'm glad you liked it!

* * *

Dylan waited tensely for Luke's reply. She didn't have to wait long.

 _Dylan told me x_

Dylan had to admit she was surprised. Dylan K had seemed pretty determined not to tell them – and Dylan was inclined to think he'd done the right thing. There was no sense in risking his job.

A moment later, Dylan's phone rang. As she'd expected, it was Luke. She looked at his name on the screen.

Dylan knew she really ought to be refusing to speak to him, but she knew Luke pretty well and had a feeling she knew exactly what he was planning. She had to do this for Dylan K's sake, if not for Luke's.

"Hey, Luke," she said.

"Are you okay to talk?" said Luke. "Texting was taking forever."

"It's fine," said Dylan. "I just wasn't sure if you were still in the hospital and it's probably not the kind of thing you want to say out loud in there."

She could hear the warmth in Luke's voice. "You know, I didn't even think of that? You're so smart, Dylan."

 _Unfortunately not quite smart enough to stop myself from smiling at the compliment, but everyone has off days._

"I left the hospital a while ago," said Luke. "I'm going to get the train and go to see Mum. I'd really like you to go with me."

* * *

"Sorry, Louise," said Lottie as she wiped her eyes.

"No, don't worry," said Louise. "It sounds really humiliating. Alicia's not so bad, but Lily's terrifying. I almost miss Mrs Beauchamp sometimes."

"I've never done anything like that before," whispered Lottie. "But Charlie's so nice. He's in the year above me and he's been tutoring me a couple of lunchtimes a week. I never thought he'd think of me in that way, so when he told me he did, I was so happy."

"Course you were," said Louise. Charlie looked like a younger version of his dad, Sam - and Sam was hot. Louise looked at Lottie and frowned slightly as another problem occurred to her. "Lottie, you're fifteen, aren't you? How old's Charlie?"

"He's fifteen too. He's only a couple of months older than me."

"You do know it's illegal to have sex at your age?"

"Oh, we weren't having sex!" said Lottie at once. She paused. "I think Charlie might have wanted to though. So maybe I'm quite glad Dr Bateman and Dr Hardy came home. But now they'll think I'm a complete slapper!"

* * *

Matilda couldn't believe she'd said it. It was so rude; so ungrateful.

But she needed Cal. No matter how lovely this family was, she couldn't trust them yet.

Dixie walked over to her and gently took Matilda's hands in hers. "Come and sit down, lovely, and we'll talk about this properly. It's natural that you want to see Cal. He was a very good friend to you."

"He was," agreed Matilda softly as a tear ran down her face.

Dixie guided her gently to a chair and asked: "Matilda, how much did the police tell you about staying here?"

Matilda tried to think, but her head was a whirl of words and images and none of it made sense. "I don't know."

"It's a lot to take in," said Dixie. "We've fostered lots of kids over the years. Usually, they either can't remember anything about what the police or social services tell them, or they remember everything to the letter and woe betide us if we even drop hints of stepping out of line."

Dixie smiled and Matilda tried to smile too.

"You know Cal is under investigation, don't you?" said Dixie. "It probably seems ridiculous to you and to be honest, it seems a bit ridiculous to me too. I've known Cal for years. He has his faults, as we all do, but he's a good man. But the people who do the investigating, they don't know Cal. They need to be completely sure he isn't a danger and that's going to take them a bit of time. Even if they believe Cal has done nothing wrong, they can't afford to make assumptions. They have to investigate everybody."

"But it's my parents they should be investigating!" burst out Matilda. "Not Cal."

Dixie nodded. "They're investigating your parents too. But in terms of Cal – I'm very sorry, Matilda, but you won't be able to see Cal until the investigations are complete. I know it's going to be tough for you, but we have to toe the line. Otherwise Cal could get into even more trouble. I know you're going to miss him, but you understand, don't you?"

* * *

Dylan K had regretted his decision as soon as he'd sent the text message.

It had seemed the right thing at the time. It was clearly important to Luke to know where Hazel was and Dylan K's personal opinion was that he had the right to know.

But now, he was wondering.

Luke was such a sensible boy when things were going reasonably well, but he was also inclined to impulsivity. If all he did was phone the hospital and ask to speak to his mum, there was no harm in that, though he wouldn't be very happy if he got a negative response.

But what if a phone call wasn't enough for Luke? What if he decided to get on the train and visit Hazel himself? Apart from the fact that he was (in Dylan K's opinion) much too young to make that kind of journey, he would need to take at least three trains and there were all kinds of things that might go wrong. A sensible fifteen-year-old might cope, but perhaps not a stressed, upset one.

Dylan K flung the file he was carrying down on a convenient trolley. He knew it was unprofessional, but he would have to do something about this. He would phone Luke and if he wasn't talking sense, he'd track him through his phone (Connor would know how all these modern things worked) and go after him.

"Dr Keogh!" It was Connor.

Dylan K wasn't usually pleased to see anyone, but in this case, Connor was the exception. "Ah. Just the person I wanted to see."

But Connor didn't seem to register his words. He was breathing hard and he might have been trembling. He looked more like the young boy he'd been when Dylan K had first met him than a competent registrar. "Dr Keogh, Ella's dad's been brought in. He's had a fall from a third-storey window. Unconscious, multiple injuries, massive blood loss, arrested on route. I can't deal with this by myself. Please, you'll help, won't you?"

* * *

Lily sat up straight in an armchair, feeling her heart beating in her chest. Very faintly, she could hear Alicia having very stern words with Charlie. Although Charlie and his girlfriend had been almost fully-clothed – Charlie had removed his shirt, but nothing else – their intention had been clear.

Lily didn't know what would happen now. All she knew was that she was alone.

Alone and pregnant. Effectively a single mother.

Lily gripped the arms of the chair more tightly. She didn't want this baby. Not now. Her life was in pieces and she didn't need the further complication of a baby.

But the thought of not keeping it sent pain lancing through her. She might not want this baby, but she was already its mother. She always would be.

Even if it had inherited the gene.

* * *

Iain shared a glance with Rita. There was an expression of fear in her eyes. A part of him (some primitive part Rita wouldn't approve of) wanted to get her out of the room and let him deal with this himself; spare her the pain. But she would hate that and in any case, she and Iain were a team.

"Alfie," said Rita, and Iain could feel her fear.

"I told you! I don't know!" said Alfie, turning away from them. He held himself tensely and Iain had the sudden feeling he might try to run. It worried Iain because no parent wants to see their child run from them, but although Iain was older now, he was still very quick. If Alfie ran away, he would not get far.

"Alfie, please be honest with us," said Rita softly.

Iain heard Alfie's breathing quicken.

"I am being honest!" said Alfie, his voice high.

"It just really seems as though you're hiding something," said Rita. She looked at him, waiting for an answer, but when none came, she pressed her hands to her mouth, tears brimming in her eyes.

Iain put his hand on her knee and tried to give her some of his strength – though at this moment, he didn't have very much himself.

"Alfie, I could be wrong, but this is so important," said Rita. "If you don't tell us who it is, we'll have to go to the police. If you do tell us, we'll probably still have to go because they've committed a crime and it's our duty to report it – but at least we'll have more idea of what we're dealing with and more idea of how to support you. Please, Alfie. If you know who's doing this, please tell us."

Alfie's head was in his hands. "I don't _know_. I mean, I can't be sure. But…"

Despite everything, Iain felt himself relaxing slightly. He felt ashamed of the fears that had lurked in the back of his mind; the fears that his own son might be responsible.

"I think it's Ariana," said Alfie.

* * *

Cal sat with his arm around Ethan as he waited for his phone call to be answered. He swore softly when it went to answerphone, but he wasn't really surprised. He knew better than anyone how busy doctors could be.

At last, the answerphone message came to an end. "Hi, this is Caleb Knight. I'm phoning about my brother, Ethan Hardy, who is under your care. Ethan fell over today and he's had a few episodes of clumsiness, forgetfulness and struggling to concentrate. He has had a few recent upheavals in his personal life, which might be contributing, but Ethan is concerned and he'd really like to see you before his next appointment if possible. You've got our numbers. Thanks: I hope to hear from you soon."

Ethan was looking at him with big, scared eyes, though he tried to smile. "Thank you, Cal."

Cal hugged him. "What are big brothers for?"

"To annoy me and embarrass me, I always thought," said Ethan in a shaky voice. "But it looks like I was wrong. I'm so glad you're here, Cal."

"I'll always be here," said Cal.


	57. Chapter 57

**X-Sammii-X** , it's not silly at all to think it might be Taylor - she would hate seeing Cal so happy with her daughter and might well want to separate them. Charlie and Lottie might have slept together if they hadn't been interrupted - Lottie is quite passive so she might have agreed even if she didn't want to. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. Lily is very confused and she probably doesn't know anyone (apart from Cal and Ethan) who have any experience of Huntington's, so there's no-one she can really talk to.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your reviews. I could be wrong, but I would guess with Huntington's that there would be uncertainty at first because the same symptoms can indicate different problems. I actually have half the Huntington's symptoms! I think Caleb might let you cuddle him - he does like people with good medical knowledge, so he might feel safe with you. I'm really glad you liked the way Dixie explained things to Matilda - that was difficult because I always get in such a mess when I try to explain something! Pride has always been a problem for Lily, whether it's her own or someone else's. Ethan is probably the only person who can reassure her.

 **Tanith Panic** , Casualty has certainly provided me with some wonderful characters! I'm especially grateful for Dixie and Jess at the moment because they're the ideal foster parents for Matilda. That's true - in this case, adoption wouldn't solve Lily's problem. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I love writing brotherly moments! The Huntington's storyline is so sad, but it means Cal and Ethan can have lots of dramatic and emotional moments without actually fighting. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I think Alfie was trying to protect Ariana, but sometimes parents won't give up till they've got the truth out of you! I think Ash has done a lot of silly things lately. Ethan definitely has enough to worry about already, but the Huntington's symptoms have tipped him over the edge. I hope you'll find this Luke and Dylan chapter sweet too. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Lily really is feeling horrible. Ethan is probably the person who is best at making her feel better, but she feels she can't go to him. They really need each other.

* * *

Rita went over to Alfie and hugged him tightly. "Alfie, thank you for being honest with us.I know it feels horrible, but you did the right thing and we're going to support you."

"Hold on a minute, Rita," said Iain.

The steel in his eyes frightened Rita. Was there something she'd missed? Was it possible Alfie was lying to protect himself?

No. He couldn't be.

Could he?

You did do the right thing," said Iain. "But do you know for sure that it's Ariana?"

"I don't know for sure," admitted Alfie. "It's just… she's the only person I can think of who might do it. She's a nice girl, but she gets crazy thoughts sometimes. She can't help it. I don't want it to be Ariana. I hate it when people assume the worst just because she's got BPD. She's not a bad person. She wouldn't _want_ to hurt anyone. But I really can't see anyone else doing it."

* * *

Cal couldn't bear the look of hopelessness in his eyes. All their lives, Ethan had helped Cal and rescued him from the various messes he'd landed himself in, but Cal couldn't do the same for Ethan.

Matilda's toy was still in his car. He'd been wondering whether to put the seatbelt around it when Ethan had come bursting out of the house. Then he'd hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should drive off quickly, but then Ethan had fallen and the decision had been taken away from him.

Why did this have to happen now? Why was he so useless?

Ethan was looking at him anxiously. "Cal, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," said Cal, and squeezed his shoulder.

"You're thinking about Matilda, aren't you?" said Ethan. He sighed. "Cal, I really don't think you should go looking for her. It could get you into more trouble."

"I'm not going to try to look for her!" The words came angrily, but Cal calmed himself immediately."I just want to take her toy to police station and ask them to pass it on. That's all."

Ethan looked deep into his eyes, then he nodded. "Okay. If that's all you're going to do."

"But how can I go?" asked Cal. He held Ethan's hand tightly. "How can I leave you?"

* * *

Dylan K had always been good at staying detached. He'd also never been particularly fond of Ash. It wasn't as though he was treating a close friend like Zoe, or someone he'd worked with for the last sixteen years, like Lily, Cal or Ethan.

But when was someone you knew, and when there was a chance it hadn't been an accident...

Connor didn't know Ash, but he was looking pale and shaky. Dylan K eyed him sharply, with half a mind to ask him to leave, but then he lifted his head and looked Dylan K squarely in the eyes.

"You're with me, Dr Christie?" said Dylan K, and saw his answering nod. "Good."

He knew Connor understood how unlikely it was that Ash could survive this. A fall from a window onto a hard pavement. Multiple injuries. Already arrested on route. Massive blood loss.

Then a shutter seemed to come down in Dylan K's mind. His professionalism returned. Personal feelings were gone as though they had never been. He gave his orders with assurance. Connor and the nursing team obeyed.

Even when the chances were small, you still did your job.

* * *

Matilda could feel the walls closing in. She liked Dixie, Jess and Olivia, but they outnumbered her. Surrounded her. She wanted to push her chair back and run, but she was afraid.

She knew they would never hurt her, but they would be so angry with her if they knew how ungrateful she was.

Her breathing was shallow. There was a pain inside her chest. She jumped and cried out as someone took hold of her arms.

"Matilda, it's okay. Try to concentrate on my voice," said Dixie. "You're here with us and you're safe. Nobody's going to hurt you here. I know you miss Cal and you hate the thought of not seeing him, but it won't be forever."

Matilda nodded, her breathing slowing. She knew Dixie wouldn't lie. If Dixie said she would see Cal again, then she would see Cal.

But she needed to see him _now_.

"It's going to be okay, Matilda," said Dixie. "We know you've been through a lot, but we're all here for you. You're going to be okay."

* * *

Dylan heard his footsteps before she saw him. She sat still for a moment, consumed by a surprising fear.

Everything was different now.

"Dylan!" He was so close to her now. A moment later, he was beside her, wrapping her in his arms and holding her tightly. "I'm so glad I've got you, Dylan."

Dylan found she was hugging him back. She'd made no conscious decision, but she was holding him with no signs of letting go. She didn't want to let go.

Luke sat back and looked at her, his expression worried. "Have you been crying? How come you're sitting out here on your own? Are you okay?"

"To take your questions in reverse order," said Dylan, "though it would actually make no difference to the meaning if I answered them in chronological order: yes; it seemed as good a place as any; and yes."

Luke held her hands. "Why were you crying, sweetheart? I can't imagine you crying. You're always so strong."

Dylan shrugged. "I think I'm glad you can't imagine it. I think imagining your girlfriend crying counts as being weird." _Girlfriend? Am I still his girlfriend?_ "But let's not worry about me. We need to discuss this trip to see your mum."

"There's nothing much to discuss really," said Luke. "I know which trains we have to get. I've got enough money for two tickets."

"I'm glad to hear it," said Dylan. "Then you won't have to borrow from me if you lose your ticket"

Luke hesitated. "I meant I could pay for your ticket because you're my-"

"If I were you, I wouldn't finish that sentence," said Dylan. "Otherwise I'll have to lecture you and that would distract us from the main problem. So where exactly is this hospital?"

"East London."

"East London, yes: there should be absolutely no problems getting there and back without anyone realising we're gone."

Luke looked relieved. "That's good. I was worried that might be difficult."

Dylan sighed. "Do you remember that little conversation we had about sarcasm?"

"Oh. Right. So you think there might be a problem."

"Just possibly. And yes, that was sarcasm too. When are visiting hours at the hospital?"

"What does that matter?" said Luke irritably.

"It matters because I doubt you'll be pleased if we go all that way and they won't let us in," said Dylan. She spoke gently. "Luke. Why not wait a couple of days and speak to Dylan and plan it properly?"

Luke tensed up. "I can't wait a couple of days. I need to speak to her! Let her know I'm there. That I'll look after her. Make sure he never comes near her again."

Dylan heard the fierceness in his voice and was shocked by the pride that filled her at his words. He might be a terrible boyfriend, but he was a very good son.

"Please, Dylan," said Luke. "I want to do this. I _need_ to do this. But I can't do it alone and there's no-one else I trust."

 _But do I trust you?_ thought Dylan.

* * *

The only question in Zoe's mind was why she'd ever left. This place was her home. No matter how many times she'd left it, she always came back and she never regretted it.

You'd think she would have learned by now.

Zoe was working in cubicles today; easing herself back in gradually, but a part of her longed for the excitement of Resus.

Another part of her longed for a cigarette, but that was easy enough to deal with. Zoe went to the staff room and took a few drags on her e-cigarette. They hadn't done anything for her when they'd first come on the market, but they were much better now.

She felt a vibration in her pocket and pulled out her phone. She smiled as a message from Ariana filled the screen. _How are you doing Mum? I'm so proud of you!_

Zoe was replying to her when another message arrived, this time from Max. _I'm proud of you too. I'm sure you're knocking them dead – the other doctors, not the patients._

Zoe was sure he'd only sent the message at Ariana's request, but at least he'd sent it. He'd even made a joke.

Zoe smiled as she continued with her shift. Her only slight complaint was that her shoes were so tight. Had she really worked double shifts in heels?

Yes, she most certainly had. And she wasn't about to stop now.

* * *

The train ride ended with a trip to the park. Robyn sat, a twin in each arm, as Louis pushed Ava on the swings and Riley and Archie enjoyed the roundabout.

It was good being out with Louis. He was so relaxed and calm, it was difficult for Robyn not to feel the same. The trouble with taking the children out was that it was often so stressful. She only really felt comfortable when Lofty was there.

Or when Louis was there.

Her concerns seemed a long way away now. Yes, Louis was a man, but he was a good friend, a pleasant companion and great with the kids.

Robyn watched nervously as the boys went to the top of the climbing frame. To her horror, Riley let go with one hand and waved at her. She waved back and asked him in a shaking voice not to let go of the climbing frame, but she wasn't sure her voice carried.

Riley began to climb down again, but Archie didn't. Robyn looked at him again. He was gripping the bars very tightly, but his face was white and he was trembling. All Robyn's instincts told her to go up and help him – but she couldn't. She was pregnant and what would she do with Noah and Sienna if she did climb up?

"It's okay!" Louis suddenly appeared on her side of the climbing frame. "I'll go up." Robyn watched as he climbed agilely to the top. She couldn't hear what he was saying to Archie, but his voice was soothing.

Robyn felt herself beginning to relax – but then she heard the scream.


	58. Chapter 58

**X-Sammii-X** , the ED really isn't the same without Zoe! I hope she comes back too, though she needs more varied storylines as there's been nothing but Max. I'm glad you like the way I write Cal and Ethan - I do love them! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , I hope you get proper WiFi soon - not just for my sake: it must be very difficult for you! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still reading and enjoying the story.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I agree that mentioning Ariana to the police would do more harm than good when there's so little proof. Ethan probably does feel like a burden - he sees everything Cal has done for him but nothing of what he's done for Cal!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review and your idea, which I love! I've been struggling with writing recently, but maybe something simple like that would be good for me! I need to update some other stories, but I'll see what I can do.

 **EDSidekick** , I thought the seatbelt was adorable - I had to mention it! Ella does know about Lily and Ash and she's not always known for keeping her mouth shut. Dylan's emotions are clouding her judgement, which is a new experience for her, and she also might think it's a bad time to drop a bombshell like that. And yes, Lofty's day is about to get worse! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Lofty won't mind at all that Robyn has a male friend, but he won't be so happy that she's kept him a secret. And when he's hurt and ill with an injured child, even Lofty could get angry! I don't know how Zoe does it! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you could be right about Archie being the one who screamed! I love that you're having a guess. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I think quite a lot could happen to Dylan and Luke in London! Rita and Iain did put a lot of pressure on Alfie, but they knew he was hiding something relating to a crime - a horrible situation for a parent! Ethan really didn't need his symptoms to start now, though it would also have been awful if it had happened just when he was finally happy again.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. You'll find out a bit more about the ending to the last chapter, but I'm afraid this one ends worryingly too!

* * *

"Sometimes I hate being the stepmother," said Alicia. "I do get on well with Charlie. He wasn't so keen on me at first, but we eventually managed to be friends. But if you're mates with someone, you don't tell their dad what they've been up to."

"You do if they were about to break the law," said Lily.

"But if I betray Charlie now, I could lose the friendship it's taken years to build."

Lily considered. "Ethan didn't mind when Ella reported him for rudeness to a patient. I had to discipline him, but he didn't mind. He accepted he'd made a mistake."

Alicia stared at her, momentarily distracted. " _Ethan_ was rude to a patient?"

"It wasn't intentional rudeness," said Lily. "He tried to make an intellectual joke. The patient misunderstood. But it was inappropriate and I told him so. He accepted it."

"I'm not sure Charlie would," sighed Alicia.

"How about if Sam talks to him?" said Lily. "I am sure he would not condone Charlie's behaviour."

"But then Charlie will be angry with him too," said Alicia. "I don't want to come between them."

* * *

Cal looked worriedly at Ethan. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine," said Ethan.

His voice was reassuring; his smile seemed genuine, but Cal could feel Ethan's fear.

He also knew that waiting a few more hours; a few more days wouldn't necessarily make it easier for Ethan. But going now might make all the difference in the world to Matilda.

"If you need me, call me straight away," said Cal. "Matilda is my daughter, but you're my brother."

"I promise I'll call you if I need you," said Ethan.

Cal gave him another hug, then he drove to the police station. He didn't know whether to be pleased or embarrassed when the man on the front desk recognised him. He had a feeling he'd been remembered more for crying his eyes out than for his finely-toned physique. "Matilda left this behind."

"I expect someone is coming to see you today or tomorrow to collect anything of Matilda's. We can't take anything now."

"Please?" said Cal. "I don't think she has anything of hers with her. I'm sure the people she's gone to are great, but Matilda was abused by her parents. She has severe confidence issues. She'll be scared to death of being with new people. I really think this toy would give her a bit of comfort. She's had it since she was a baby." Okay, that wasn't completely true, but the truth was complicated. "I'm not asking you to give me her address so I can take it there myself. All I'm asking is that someone who's going that way anyway drops it off at her new house. Please. It will comfort her, as well as reassuring her that I'm not angry with her. Matilda really needs all the comfort and reassurance she can get."

* * *

Ella pressed her hands tightly to the sides of her head as tears streamed down her face. She didn't know why she was holding her head in this way. Perhaps to stop herself from hearing what she couldn't hide from.

Ordinarily, she wouldn't have been allowed to see Ash in that state, but he'd been admitted with no ID. Dixie or Iain would probably have recognised him, but Jez and Rocker had never met him.

Ella had tried to tell them; tried to say: "That's my dad!", but it was like one of those dreams when you couldn't speak. All you could do was mouth the terribly important words at someone who couldn't understand.

But although they hadn't understood what she was trying to say, they'd seen she couldn't treat the patient and told her to find another doctor. Luckily, she'd found Connor.

Ella began to rock from side to side. Her dad was going to die. Perhaps then he would finally find happiness and peace, but he would be leaving Ella behind. And she, the doctor, would have failed to make him better when he'd needed her so badly.

She heard the door open and almost screamed in terror. David Hide came towards her, sympathy on his face. He sat beside her and stroked her hair.

"Is he… is he…" Ella couldn't say it.

"I don't know," said David softly.

Ella clung to him, her head buried in his chest.

It was so good to have someone to hold on to after so long.

* * *

Louis watched in amazement as Robyn took control.

She was upset. She was terrified. She was crying and trembling, but even after several years away from nursing, she knew what to do.

Ava was lying on the ground below the swing she'd fallen from, screaming, her face a mass of blood. Louis had flinched away from it, but not Robyn. She was kneeling beside her daughter, talking reassuringly to Ava and doing her best to stop the bleeding.

"Shall I call for an ambulance?" asked Louis. He stood some distance away with his arms around Riley and Archie. He was shocked and upset too, but it was some small reassurance to know he was helping. After so many years of feeling useless, meeting and helping Robyn had seemed like a second chance. He'd finally found something he could do; someone who appreciated him.

But it was all over now. He'd left Ava alone on the swing when Archie had panicked and now she was hurt. Robyn wouldn't forgive him for that.

"I'll call the ambulance," said Robyn. "But if you could bring me my bag?"

Louis coaxed Riley and Archie over to the bench where Robyn had been sitting. "Riley, do you want to carry Mummy's bag?" Perhaps Riley would like to feel he was helping.

Riley carried the bag carefully to Robyn and found her phone.

"Thanks, sweetie." Robyn pressed a button and her face changed. "It's dead. The battery must have run down."

"Have mine." Louis quickly handed it to her and watched as she made the phone call, giving information he would never have realised was necessary and silently comforting Ava. "Do you want to call Lofty?" he asked when Robyn offered him the phone back.

"I can't remember his number," said Robyn. "But he's at the hospital already." She looked down at Ava. "It's okay, sweetie. We'll be with Daddy soon."

* * *

Dylan couldn't quite believe she was here.

She was supposed to be resting. Instead, she was on a train with her two-timing boyfriend, visiting a hospital they only knew about because Dylan K had broken the rules, hoping to see someone who didn't want Luke to see her.

 _What am I doing? I must be crazy!_

Dylan closed her eyes. She tried leaning against the window, but the train was jolting and her head bounced against the window.

She stiffened as Luke touched her arm. "Are you okay, Dylan?"

"I'm fine," said Dylan.

Luke was stroking her arm now. "I'm sorry. It was selfish of me to bring you with me. You're still not well, are you?"

"I'm a bit tired," admitted Dylan.

She felt Luke's lips on her forehead. "Why don't you lie down?"

He was so sweet. So caring. Dylan felt a lump in her throat. She tried to laugh. "Where? On the floor? Yes: everyone's going to be thrilled about having to climb over me when they're desperate for the loo!"

"You could put your head on my lap and sort of curl up," said Luke. "Go to sleep if you like. I'll look after you." He smiled. "It must be my turn. You're always looking after me."

 _No, I can't. I mustn't._

But Dylan was so tired. She couldn't think straight.

That, she told herself, was her excuse for doing as Luke had suggested.

* * *

Matilda escaped to her room as soon as she could. Jess said she'd come and check on her in half an hour, but it was only a few minutes later that there was a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said softly as she wiped her eyes.

Olivia came in. Matilda was at once struck by the difference in her. Instead of being relaxed and friendly, she now looked tense and uncertain. "Can we talk?"

Matilda wanted to say no. She could tell that whatever Olivia had to say, it wasn't good. But how could she say no when Olivia was allowing her to live in her home? "Of course."

Olivia shut the door. She stood awkwardly beside the bed.

"W-would you like to sit down?" stammered Matilda.

Olivia perched on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry if I seemed a bit funny with you downstairs. I didn't mean to be. It's just… me and Cal have a bit of history. Hearing his name… knowing that you liked him… I suppose it threw me a bit."

"I'm sorry," whispered Matilda.

"No. It's not your fault," said Olivia. "Please don't think that. I just thought I should tell you. warn you. Cal is a lovely guy and he has a way of making girls feel special. I don't think he even knows he's doing it half the time. But you and Cal… it's never going to work. I'm so sorry if that hurts you, but I thought you needed to know." She paused. "I'm speaking from experience, you see."

There was a rushing sound in Matilda's ears. She wanted to grab on to something for support, but there was only Olivia.

She'd thought Cal wanted to be her dad because he really loved her.

But perhaps he'd been looking for a daughter for a long time.

* * *

Connor pressed down on Ash's chest with all his strength. It was the second time he'd arrested since coming to the hospital, but Connor was determined not to lose him. He was determined not to let _Ella_ lose him. They had to keep fighting. They couldn't let him go.

"Connor, stop," said Dylan K.

His voice was firm and detached, but Connor couldn't obey. He carried on with compressions, pushing down harder than ever.

"Connor!" said Dylan K. "I have to call this. We have to let him go."

"He's Ella's dad!" said Connor.

Dylan K nodded. "I know. I'm not taking this decision lightly. If we're all agreed…"

"No!" said Connor. He knew he was wrong and he didn't know why it bothered him so much, but he knew he couldn't let this happen.

Dylan K announced the time of death.

"You said if we were all agreed!" said Connor. "And we're not all agreed. I don't agree!"

"Dr Christie," said Dylan K. "Go and take a break."


	59. Chapter 59

**X-Sammii-X** , I think I could imagine most of the ED being unintentionally rude to someone! But I doubt Ethan gets complaints that often. He's so sweet and he'd be so apologetic. Yes, poor Tilly has got things completely wrong! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice1** , thank you for your review. Love can do strange things to you, even if you're Dylan! I hope the part with Olivia and Matilda wasn't too annoying. It wasn't easy for Olivia to talk about and Tilly's had a bit of a stressful day. All we can hope for with Ethan's illness is that they develop the treatment so it actually works.

 **westlife4ever80** , I don't really like killing characters off, but I did kill Rita once! So very occasionally, if it suits the story, it will happen. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Ella really is feeling awful and Connor's struggling too - I'm really making the ED fall apart! Aw, I don't want to shatter your heart! You'll find out Matilda's reaction very soon.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I'm glad Connor's emotions came across well. I'm glad you like the twist with Matilda and Olivia - that came out of nowhere for me! I like the idea of Lily disciplining Ethan too, now you mention it! I meant it in an innocent way, but now I'm imagining different things! I can't believe I've actually made someone feel sorry for Louis! But I'm happy about it.

* * *

Matilda wanted to stand up and run. She felt dizzy with shock, but she couldn't stay and listen to this. She didn't want to hear about Cal trying to make Olivia his daughter too.

She'd really thought she was special. It had never even occurred to her that he liked her because she was a girl in need of a father.

Matilda didn't know who Olivia's father was, but there was a fair chance he played no part in her life. Cal could have seen Olivia as a girl who needed a father – and now he was seeing Matilda in exactly the same way.

Matilda stood up. "I… I have to go and talk to your mum. Sorry."

Olivia looked surprised and a little hurt, but she nodded. "Of course. That's fine. And we don't have to talk about this if you're not ready. I just thought you needed to know."

"I did need to know," said Matilda. "Thank you."

She hurried out of the room and went downstairs as quietly as she could. The living room door was ajar and Matilda could hear Dixie and Jess talking. Matilda knew she could get past them without being seen, but she was sure they would hear the front door close and she didn't like to leave it open.

She went through the kitchen to the back door. As she unlocked it, it gave a sharp click that made her jump and look around, terrified, but there was no sign that Dixie or Jess had heard.

Quickly, Matilda closed the door behind her and went out.

* * *

"Did Charlie say anything to you when you left?" asked Louise.

Lottie shook her head. "He didn't even look at me."

"He was probably embarrassed," said Louise. "No guy likes to be caught out by their mum. When boys are with their girlfriends, they feel like men, but it only takes one look from their mum to make them feel like little boys again. And they don't like feeling like that in front of their girlfriends."

Lottie considered this carefully. "Even when she's his stepmum?"

Louise wasn't sure about that. She and Alicia weren't that close anymore. She was still hurt that Alicia preferred Lily's company to hers. Another sign that Honey was right about Louise? "I think it's probably pretty much the same."

"Do you think Dr Bateman would tell my parents?" said Lottie. "I don't think she knows them, but she could find their medical records."

"She wouldn't do that," said Louise at once. "Medical records can't be accessed for personal use. But your parents might be fine with it. They're happy for you to see him when he's tutoring you, aren't they? And it's not like you _were_ having sex."

"I wouldn't have done it," said Lottie. "We'd only just got together and we're too young. But I was a bit worried about what he'd say if I said no."

* * *

Dylan K tried to pretend Connor was Dylan. He put his hand on the younger doctor's shoulder and tried to speak kindly. "We've done all we can, Connor. You did very well. I was impressed by your professionalism." He gave Connor two awkward pats on the shoulder. "Go and have a break."

"What about Ella?" said Connor. "Someone needs to tell Ella."

"I'll tell Ella," said Dylan K. He couldn't help thinking Connor would do a better job, but he didn't want to put any more pressure on him.

Connor didn't move. He looked as though he might cry. Dylan K wasn't sure why Connor was so upset. If Ella was his girlfriend, it would have made more sense, but he'd thought Connor was going out with Grace Beauchamp.

Maybe they were having one of those three-way relationships that were so fashionable at the moment.

He wondered if that was what Luke was hoping for with Dylan and Maya, but even Dylan K knew those relationships could only happen if all parties were in agreement. Otherwise, it was infidelity.

"Connor-" he began, only to stop as someone called his name.

Robyn was rushing towards him, a man who looked vaguely familiar at her side. The two adults were each holding a baby in one arm and holding the hand of a young boy. "Dylan, Ava's hurt," Robyn said, trying not to cry. "Where's Lofty? I need Lofty."

"Ah. That might be a little difficult," said Dylan K.

* * *

"I just want to look at it," said Alfie in a low voice. "I want to see if there are updates."

"Why?" said Iain. His voice contained no trace of incredulity or impatience. He simply wanted to know the answer.

"Because there might be a clue," said Alfie.

"A clue to who's doing this?" said Iain.

Alfie's voice was full of emotion. "A clue that says it's someone else... and not Ariana."

Rita turned to look at him as understanding dawned. "So that's why you want to look."

"Why else would I care about some stupid gossip site?" said Alfie, a look of scorn crossing his face.

"But you do care about Ariana," said Rita gently.

Alfie nodded.

Rita wanted to hug him, but you needed to be so careful about hugging your teenage son. She saw Iain's look of concern as she turned towards the laptop, but he didn't try to stop her. "Okay, there are two new items on the site. One about Lottie and one about Dylan." She gasped. "I really hope these aren't true!"

Alfie looked at the screen. "Lottie's sleeping with Charlie? No way! She likes him, but he's got no interest in her. And Dylan running away with Luke… I can't see that happening either. Luke's obviously the type to run when things get bad. He ran away from his dad to his brother's houseboat, then he ran away from his brother to live with Charlie. But Dylan wouldn't go with him. She'd stop him."

"And Dylan hasn't been well," said Rita. "She shouldn't be running off to London. I don't think either of these are true."

"But a lot of them are," said Iain seriously. "Too many for them to be lucky guesses."

* * *

Dylan felt her head drooping onto Luke's shoulder. She tried to find the strength to move it and felt Luke hugging her. He kissed the top of her head.

"Maybe you should lie down again?"

Dylan shook her head. Lying down was too uncomfortable and cramped – and putting her head on Luke's lap felt too intimate. He'd stroked her hair too tenderly. She'd liked it far too much, so of course, she'd put a stop to it.

"Dylan? Everything's okay, isn't it?" said Luke.

Dylan was wondering what to say when her phone rang. She gratefully seized the opportunity to ignore Luke's question. "Hey, Tilly."

"Hey, Dylan. I'm sorry. I know you're not well. I know you have other things to think about. But I need you."

Dylan could tell Matilda was crying. "I'm here, Tilly. I'm listening. Just tell me what's wrong."

"Someone told the police I was living with Cal and they took me away," sobbed Matilda. "I'm living with Dixie and her wife and they're nice, but Cal tried to make their daughter his daughter too and I don't know what to think anymore!"

"But… how long have you been there? Why didn't you tell me before?" said Dylan weakly. How could so much have happened without her knowing? She felt Luke squeeze her shoulder and felt grateful he was there.

"Not long," said Matilda. "But too long. Please can I see you, Dylan?"

Dylan closed her eyes, letting her head fall backwards against the seat. Instantly she heard Luke asking what was wrong; she lifted a hand to silence him. "Tilly, I can't. Didn't you get my text? 'm on my way to London with Luke. To see his mum."

* * *

Connor paused outside the staff room. _You can do this, Connor. You can do it._

He pushed open the door and stared for a moment at Ella in David's arms. He knew he should be glad Ella wasn't alone. David, he knew, would be kind to her. He wouldn't get impatient and he wouldn't come out with any of those clichéd, annoying phrases that always got on Ella's nerves.

But the first thought in Connor's mind – the completely irrelevant thought – was that David was much too old for Ella.

"Connor?" Ella pushed David away and ran over to Connor. "What happened? Is he okay? Please tell me!"

Connor remembered again the moment when he'd tried so hard to save Ash. The moment when Dylan K had told him it was over.

"Connor?" Ella's voice rose. She put her hands on his shoulders and shook him. "Connor!"

"He's… he's alive, Ella." Connor wouldn't tell her that it was his persistence that had brought Ash back. He didn't want her to know that Dylan K had given up on him. Connor didn't blame him, but Ella would be hurt. He never wanted to hurt Ella.

Ella stared at him. She began to tremble. "He's… alive?"

Connor nodded. "His injuries are very severe and he's in ICU. He went into hypovolemic shock, but we got some bloods and fluids into him. He hasn't regained consciousness so there's a lot we don't know, but he's alive."

* * *

Cal shut the door of the police station behind him. Half of his mind was telling him to wait and follow the person who took Matilda her toy, but the other half was telling him he needed to get back to Ethan. He shouldn't really have left Ethan alone. Ethan was devastated and a simple act like making a cup of tea could end in disaster.

"Cal?"

Cal turned towards the voice. He didn't recognise the woman in front of him, but that was often the way now. There had been so many of them and a lot of time had passed since then. Many of them didn't look the same.

"Cal, don't you recognise me?"

Cal looked at her again. He didn't recognise the face. It was older than he would have expected, with lines of pain and suffering. Her hair was shorter; duller. Her eyes lacked sparkle. But the voice… he knew the voice. "Hello, Taylor."


	60. Chapter 60

**Tanith Panic** , thank you for your reviews. I'm glad Casualty invented David - he's been very useful when someone needs comfort! I dread and look forward to the same things all the time. I'm sure Matilda is very special to Cal, but he probably can't convince her unless she sees him. Ash might not be grateful for what Connor did - it must be a horrible position to be in. But I'm sure Ella is grateful.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it would be a very bad idea for Tilly to go to Cal, but she's very upset and probably not thinking straight. Whenever Taylor shows up, she usually brings trouble and this time might be no exception. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I was originally going to kill Ash off, then I decided it would be more interesting if I didn't. But I thought I'd tease you all a little bit first. Cal probably is in a bit of trouble now Taylor's back! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I hadn't got as far ahead as thinking what would happen when Matilda's absence was discovered, but you're right - the police would suspect Cal. Obviously I can't tell you who's updating the gossip site, but I'm glad you're interested! It's probably unrealistic for Connor to ignore the senior doctor and keep trying to save the patient, but this is Casualty! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it probably is natural for Taylor to wonder about Matilda. I'm not sure if she'd have any rights as she might be considered to have abandoned her, but Taylor is usually perfectly happy to break the law. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. Dylan and Luke only have a short scene this time, but there is more in Chapter 61. I hope Ash being alive wasn't a bad shock! Connor is kind to Ella. Shame he has a girlfriend!

 **ETWentHome,** the subject of Cal is so emotional for both Matilda and Olivia, I think they've both got the wrong end of the stick! Matilda definitely shouldn't go and see Cal, but she probably will want answers. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lily's eyes filled as she heard Caleb's voice. Partly because she missed him – she missed all of them. Partly because it was the first time she'd ever heard him speak on the phone. It was another milestone. Lily felt a sense of loss as she realised she could have missed others while she was away.

Caleb spoke softly, but Lily was used to listening carefully to her quiet son. "When are you coming home, Mummy?"

Lily swallowed. "I don't know, Caleb."

"Don't you love us anymore?"

A tear escaped. "Of course I do. I love you so much and I wish I could be with you. I'll come and pick you up soon, I promise. And I am so proud of you for speaking to me on the phone! So later, we're going to stop at the baker's and I'm going to buy you a special treat."

"Home?" said Caleb eagerly. Caleb usually loved a special treat, but perhaps the thought of Lily coming home was even more special.

"I…" Lily stopped. Caleb and the others would to go back home today, but Lily would have to find a new place to stay. "After I buy your special treat, I will take you home."

 _But I'm not staying, Caleb. I'm so, so sorry._

* * *

Matilda listened to Ariana's excited chatter. She was so happy and excited Zoe was back at the ED. Matilda tried to imagine being happy and excited about anything her parents had done. She remembered once, a long time ago, her mum had got a promotion at work. She'd heard her telling her dad and had gone downstairs to congratulate her. She'd still believed then that her parents loved her really. She'd still believed that one day, they'd take her in their arms and everything would be okay.

Her parents had been furious. They'd told her eavesdropping was a terrible thing and she was a terrible girl. Even though they eavesdropped on her all the time and punished her for what they'd heard.

"Dad's being amazing too," said Ariana. "It's hard for him. He's really old-fashioned – it would be quite funny if it wasn't so difficult for Mum. But he's trying really hard to accept things as they are. I wish I could be more like that."

"You try really hard too," said Matilda. "You're really strong, Ariana."

"Aw, thanks, Tilly! Sorry: what was it you phoned about? I've got caught up in my stuff again. I'm so selfish."

"You're not," said Matilda quickly. "I wanted to hear about your mum. I was really hoping she'd gone back to the ED." That wasn't why she'd phoned, of course, but Ariana was so happy and Matilda wanted it to last for as long as possible.

* * *

Dylan glanced at Luke from the corner of her eye. She wanted to talk to him. She needed answers. He was behaving as though she was still his girlfriend – and of course, he didn't know she had any reason to question their relationship. She was fairly sure his relationship with Maya wasn't serious and wasn't likely to last long – Maya was known as the School Bike because just about every guy had got their leg over her at one time or another. Luke's mates Charlie and Alfie both claimed to have done it, though Ariana insisted Alfie was a virgin.

But it didn't matter how serious Luke's other relationship was. The fact was that he was having one.

Dylan didn't think Luke was the kind of guy to be with a girl just for sex. He was sweet and caring and although Dylan knew he found her attractive, he was shy and gentlemanly and hadn't even got close to suggesting they do anything more intimate than kissing. Dylan couldn't imagine him being with Maya unless he cared about her – and he wouldn't be the first to think he could tame her. She was a bit like Ariana in that way. A lot of boys wanted to be the one who managed to change them.

Dylan knew she needed to speak to Luke about it, but was now really the time? He was going through so much at the moment and what would happen if she did tell him? An argument in the middle of a train? Dylan didn't usually mind arguments. She usually won them. But what would she do if he confessed he was also seeing Maya? It would be heartbreaking.

But if she didn't say anything, would that mean she had to go along with their 'relationship'; let Hazel think they were in a relationship; let _Luke_ think they were in a relationship, only to break up with him once they got home?

No. She couldn't do that. It wasn't fair. She had to say something, but she would stay calm. She wouldn't get upset or angry or blame him for anything. She would accept the situation and be his friend. No matter how much it hurt her, she wasn't going to forget that Luke was hurting too.

She turned to him; opened her mouth to speak.

"Oh, Dylan," said Luke, and his voice was trembling. "I'm so scared."

* * *

Robyn hugged Noah tightly and tried not to cry. She didn't want to worry the children. Not that Riley and Archie seemed too worried now – they were happily playing with the toys in the corner of the relatives' room. Robyn only wished she could push the incident out of her mind as easily.

At least Ava was in good hands.

Robyn had been very surprised to find Zoe waiting when Ava was wheeled into the ED. Although Zoe was married to her brother, she'd had no idea she was thinking of going back to work. Max had always said Zoe loved being at home and having time to herself. Robyn didn't think that sounded like Zoe, but she'd been willing to accept that Max knew his wife better than she did.

Louis touched her arm gently. "Are you sure you don't want to call Lofty? You know I'll do anything I can and I'll stay as long as you need me, but I'm not Lofty and I'm sure he'd want to be with his kids."

Robyn shook her head. She'd asked Dylan K not to phone Lofty yet. "I don't want to get him out of bed. He really must be feeling terrible if he's gone home and Ava might not be that seriously hurt."

"Okay," said Louis. "But if you change your mind or if you just don't want me here, the last thing I'm going to be is offended. I'm your friend and I love being your friend, but I'm not Lofty."

But Robyn wasn't listening. She was looking at the person standing in the doorway.

"Robyn," said Zoe.

* * *

All Cal wanted was to run.

He didn't want Taylor in his life again. All she'd ever done was hurt him. He didn't want her coming back now, twisting him inside out when Ethan and Matilda needed him.

Of course, without Taylor, he would never have known Matilda, but that didn't change what she'd done to him.

"Cal?" Taylor sounded nervous. "Where's my baby?"

Cal glared at her. "That's absolutely none of your business. You abandoned her."

"I thought it was for the best." Taylor sounded close to tears. "I know it was wrong. Everything I've ever done in my life has gone wrong. Everyone I've ever tried to love has left me."

"Love? Who have you ever loved but yourself?"

"I love my daughter!" cried Taylor. "I know you think I'm just heartless and out for what I can get, but I wanted her to have the best. I didn't want her to be saddled with a mother like me."

"Giving her to me was probably the best thing you ever did," said Cal.

Taylor's voice was barely audible. "What did you tell her about me?"

"I told her nothing!" said Cal. "You're nothing to her and you always will be. You don't deserve to have Matilda in your life and I'm going to see that you never do."

"Matilda?" said Taylor. "That was your mother's name, wasn't it? I like it."

Cal stared at her. He was stunned that Taylor had actually remembered. He felt something stirring inside him. Perhaps he really was special if Taylor remembered something like that. Then he hardened his heart. "I really don't care if you like it or not! Goodbye, Taylor. I'm really hoping we won't meet again."

* * *

Olivia had been waiting for Matilda in the hope they could finish their conversation, but Matilda hadn't come back upstairs. Olivia could understand why Matilda was embarrassed. It wasn't easy for Olivia to talk about either.

She was fairly sure that Cal wouldn't return the feelings of a fifteen-year-old, but if Matilda had been living with Cal, he obviously thought a lot more of her than he had of Olivia.

Olivia told herself (not for the first time) to get over it and went downstairs. Jess was in the kitchen. "Hi, Olli. Do you want any hot chocolate? Can you ask Matilda if she wants anything?"

"Matilda's down here, isn't she?" said Olivia.

Jess shook her head, confused. "I don't think so."

Olivia frowned. "But she came downstairs to talk to you."

Jess shook her head. "Dixie and I haven't seen either of you since you went upstairs."

* * *

Dylan K read the text through once and pressed the button to call the sender, but Luke's phone was already switched off.

 _How could you be so stupid?_ he asked himself angrily.

He'd suspected this might happen, but he'd still done nothing. He knew how impulsive Luke could be. Arriving out of nowhere. Disappearing as soon as Dylan K said something he didn't like. Kissing Dylan when he already had a girlfriend.

Dylan K thought it was probably hormonal, but that didn't change what had happened.

The fact he'd taken Dylan with him made it even worse. Theoretically, it was the most sensible thing he could have done. She would look after him and ensure he didn't get himself into too much trouble.

But much as Dylan K trusted Dylan, her presence on the excursion was far from reassuring.

Firstly because she wasn't well. She should be resting.

Secondly because Luke had broken her heart.

Thirdly because what they were doing wasn't sensible and that worried Dylan K because Dylan was always sensible.

Dylan K strode towards the exit. He couldn't let this happen. If Luke wanted to go that badly, Dylan K would take him on his day off.

For now, he would go to the station and if they weren't there, he'd go after them and bring them back home.

But he didn't even get out of the building before he realised.

He couldn't leave. Ella couldn't work; Connor had been in no state to work the last time he'd seen him and Zoe was only just back at work after a long absence.

He had to let Luke go and hope everything would be all right.

But Dylan K's hopes weren't high.


	61. Chapter 61

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're sympathetic to Lily as well as towards Caleb - I think a lot of people would just dismiss her as a bad mother, but I don't think she's all bad!

 **X-Sammii-X** , Lily has never been that good at coping when her world is turned upside down, but Cal is older and wiser so perhaps he will resist Taylor. I'm glad you like Tilly Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm afraid you won't find out if your theory about Robyn is right in this chapter, but I'm glad you mentioned it as it meant I realised Zoe was in two places at once. I'm sure technology isn't quite that advanced in 2030! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I think little Caleb really needs a hug! That's an interesting idea about Luke and Maya - I think that kind of thing did happen in the past with courtesans, so why not in the future too? Yes, you probably will see Taylor again! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Dylan and Luke will arrive in London in the next chapter, but they're in this chapter too. I'm glad you liked the dramatic irony. I wanted Tilly to run away and that was the only way! Taylor was only in a few episodes and barely appeared in some, but she certainly made an impression! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid you won't find out about Ava until the next chapter - I didn't especially plan it that way, but there are so many storylines! I tried to squeeze it into this chapter for you, but there isn't room.

 **ETWentHome** , Taylor does have a nerve, though the meeting could have been accidental, but appearing out of the blue is what she does! She probably won't give up on Cal that easily. Lily is so mixed up at the moment. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"We've got to do something, Iain," said Rita. "They're upsetting people, they're getting confidential information from the hospital – and they could be destroying these girls' reputations. Lottie sleeping with Alicia's stepson… Dylan running off with Luke… Matilda living with a guy in his forties…"

"And nothing about Ariana," murmured Alfie.

Iain rested a hand on Alfie's shoulder. "Nothing yet."

Alfie shook his hand off. "Is that supposed to make me feel better, Dad? As long as someone's writing that Ariana's a complete slapper like her friends, there's less chance that she's been breaking the law?"

Iain could see his point. "Is Ariana good with computers? Do you think she's got the skills to do this?"

"Anyone can set up a facebook account," said Alfie disparagingly. "Even you've got one."

Iain ignored the jibe. "I mean, whoever this person is, they've probably hacked into hospital records. Do you think Ariana could do that?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

Rita spoke with deep reluctance. "Ariana's dad is a bit of a computer whiz."

Iain shook his head. "You're not saying Max is behind this."

"No, but he could have taught her a few things," said Rita. "And hasn't he hacked into the hospital computer systems before? Maybe it runs in the family."

"She's adopted!" snapped Alfie.

"But he still could have shown her how." Rita looked desperately unhappy.

Alfie turned desperately to Iain. "Dad, you can't report Ariana to the police. You can't."

Iain looked at Rita. She looked torn. Iain felt exactly the same way. "Okay," he said heavily. "Here's what we'll do."

* * *

Ethan hadn't meant to cry. He'd cried so much already.

But it felt as though everything was being taken away from him. Lily had left him. There was no way he could go back to work, not with his symptoms so far advanced. His children would be much better off with their mother. Before long, Ethan wouldn't be able to take care of himself so how could he take responsibility for three kids?

Cal might be taken away from him too. He could be in prison for years. Matilda had gone too and although Ethan had only known her a few days, he was already beginning to care about her.

Ethan would be alone.

Or not quite alone. He would have to have a carer, but that was worse than being alone.

Ethan sniffled. He needed a tissue, but he hadn't forgotten what had happened the last time he'd tried to get one. His hand had jumped and knocked the cup.

 _What if I can't get it?_ he asked himself as he stretched out a hand that trembled. _What if I can't even pick things up anymore?_

Ethan's fingers closed on a tissue. He tugged it out of the box and brought it towards him. The relief of having managed it, along with the sadness of knowing that one day he wouldn't be able to, brought him close to tears again, but he managed not to cry. He blew his nose, dabbed underneath his eyes, then wiped his nose.

He brought the tissue away from his nose and something caught his eye. Blood.

He stared, wondering what could have made his nose bleed, but then he remembered and his head started to spin. He'd hurt his nose when he'd fallen over. So he shouldn't have blown his nose. That was basic first aid.

Ethan didn't know if he'd forgotten his first aid or his injury, but it didn't matter. He'd _forgotten_.

* * *

Dylan reached for Luke's hand. "It's okay. It's natural to be scared. If you want to change your mind and go home, that's all right. We haven't lost anything except a bit of money and it's not as though your mum's expecting us. But if you go through with this, I'm sure you'll be okay. I'm here and whatever happens, I'm going to support you."

 _Even if he is seeing someone else behind my back, he needs support._

"I just don't know anything," said Luke. "I don't know how badly hurt she is. When I walk into that hospital room, I don't know what I'm going to see." His eyes filled with tears.

Dylan stroked his hand. "I'm not going to say anything silly like that you mustn't think about it. Not only is that unrealistic, it's likely to have the opposite effect. But what you can do is try to distract yourself as much as possible."

"How?" said Luke. He wiped his hands under his eyes. "I'm sorry, Dylan. I know I'm a boy. I shouldn't get upset like this."

"Don't be silly," said Dylan. "Boys are just as much entitled to express emotion as girls." She hesitated, then put her arms around him. He buried his face in her shoulder and held on tightly. "Okay. First we'll have a cuddle and you can be as upset as you like. There's nothing wrong with it and it's not like I'm going to tell the whole school on facebook. Then I'll start my distraction techniques – and believe me, they're not nearly as dirty as they sound, so don't get _too_ excited."

* * *

Cal was almost home when it clicked.

He'd been aware almost as soon as he'd left Taylor that there was something wrong. Something about her sudden appearance that didn't fit – or perhaps fitted too well.

Why had she happened to arrive just at that moment? What was she doing hanging around the police station?

Why hadn't she seemed more surprised to see Cal?

She'd asked what Cal had told Matilda about her. That might mean she'd assumed Matilda was still living with him, but if so, why hadn't she asked Cal to let her see her? Was it because she knew Cal would say no?

Or because she already knew Matilda didn't live with him anymore?

But Matilda hadn't been living with Cal officially. The most Taylor could have got from the official records was that Cal had given her up.

Yet she seemed to think Cal might have told Matilda something about her - suggesting she was aware there had been recent contact.

So she knew Cal and Matilda had been together recently - but she also knew they weren't together now...

Cal stamped down hard on the brake and did a three-point turn, much to the annoyance of the driver behind him. If Taylor was reporting a crime, she would probably still be there. If he went back to the police station and she was there, he could relax and accept it as no more than a coincidence.

If she wasn't at the police station, perhaps he could still find her.

* * *

Dylan K knew he should be thinking of the patient. He should be thinking over the details Jez had given him. But he wasn't. All he could think was: _Please not Bay 4. Please not Bay 4._

For the most part, Bay 4 didn't bother him. He accepted that it couldn't really be any more dangerous than the other bays and he had ways of coping with these thoughts when they did come along. But if he was tired or stressed or not quite well, the thoughts often came back and it wasn't always easy to fight them.

Today, he was definitely stressed.

Dylan K could hardly bear the tension levels as they approached Resus. A moment later, the doors swung open and Dylan K almost froze in horror as he realised Bay 4 was free. _Not Bay 4... Not Bay 4!_

David looked at him questioningly. "Bay 2, Dylan?"

Dylan K wasn't a hugging person, but in that moment, the idea of hugging David wasn't a ridiculous impossibility. He hadn't even thought to check the other bays. "Bay 2, please."

* * *

Matilda arrived at the ED to find Lottie waiting outside. She threw her arms around her friend and tried not to cry.

"Tilly, it's okay," said Lottie. "Just tell me what's wrong when you're ready."

"Could we go somewhere else?" said Matilda hesitantly. She didn't doubt that Dixie and Jess would report her missing and one of the first places they checked would be Cal's workplace.

"Of course," said Lottie at once. "But if you want to go somewhere private, Louise might be able to sort us out a room."

Matilda hesitated. "Thank you, but I don't want Louise to get into trouble. I've kind of…" She broke off, looking at Lottie in concern. "Lottie, have you been crying?"

"I'm fine," said Lottie. "I had a bit of an awkward moment, but it doesn't matter."

"No, please tell me," said Matilda.

Lottie hesitated. "I went to see Charlie."

"For coaching?" said Matilda.

Lottie shook her head. "No, it was kind of a date. We went up to his room and we got caught by his stepmum and Dr Hardy – Dr Lily Hardy."

Matilda couldn't speak for a moment. "Is that where Lily's staying? In Charlie's house?"

"I don't know, to be honest," said Lottie. "She might have been just visiting."

"Okay, it doesn't matter for now," said Matilda quickly. "Tell me about Charlie." They could return to the subject of Cal and the Hardys later.

* * *

Lily didn't know why she wanted to see the house. She knew it would hit her like the ton of bricks it was made of. When she didn't see the house at all, she could almost pretend to herself she was on holiday. But seeing the house and not going in…

When she saw the house ahead of her, she braked a bit more sharply than she'd intended. Caleb and Alice cried out from the back seat, one in fear and one in excitement. Daisy rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "Mum, this is the wrong house."

 _Oh, I miss you all so much…_

"This is close enough," said Lily. "Get out of the car, please." She kept her eyes averted as she heard doors opening and then slamming. Then she prepared herself for the hardest part of all.

Caleb opened the door for her and waited expectantly. At last, he asked in a tiny voice: "Aren't you coming in, Mummy?"

Just for a moment, Lily considered it. How hard could it be? It was her home. It had been her home for years. All she'd have to do was open the door and go inside and pick up her life where she'd left off.

And see Ethan. And know she had the job they'd wanted him to take. And that she was pregnant with his child.

"Just a moment. I need to re-park the car," said Lily. She shut the door and the children moved away.

Lily drove off.


	62. Chapter 62

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you feel sympathy for Lily - she isn't making the best decisions, but she's not a bad person. Tilly really needs Cal and he could probably do with her support too, but I've been cruel and torn them apart! Thank you for your review.

 **xMissWhitneyBexx** , thank you for your review. When I first planned this story, I was thinking it would be 20 chapters, but I kept having more ideas and it just kept growing! I think considering how the story has developed, bringing Ethan and Lily back together in the next few chapters could be really interesting (for me, anyway!). But I wouldn't have thought of it without your review, so thank you for inspiring me!

In case anyone else was wondering, I don't hate Lily and Ethan, but I do tend to write about bad things happening to the characters I care about because I feel a greater depth of emotional involvement, which is probably my favourite part of writing... and then I love making everything better at the end!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. Writing about Lily leaving her children was horrible, but I wanted her to do something outrageous, as she sometimes does when under severe emotional stress, and I didn't want her to see Ethan yet.

 **Applealice10** , I really liked your observation about Tilly talking about her friends' problems instead of her own - it wasn't something I did consciously, but you're completely right. Taylor is definitely in Holby for a reason! I think Ethan probably would feel better if Lily came home - at least he wouldn't be so confused and heartbroken. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , Lily really is confused and torn - she really can't think straight at all. I was kind of inspired by the way Lily treated Alicia - her father's death was a big shock for her, which affected her thoughts and behaviour. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Lily and Ethan won't meet again for a few more chapters, so you'll get your 'so near and yet so far', but there will be a change in their relationship before they meet... if that doesn't give too much away!

 **EDSidekick** , I hope Dylan's decision not to speak to Luke isn't too frustrating. That's the trouble with responsible characters! They only care about the other characters: no thought whatsoever for the readers. But you will find out something in Chapter 64. I'm afraid you'll have to wait to find out Iain's plan too, but there is some more little Caleb coming right up! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan closed his eyes in relief when he heard the door being unlocked. Cal was back, finally. Ethan was no longer alone.

"Is anyone home?" That was Daisy.

"Daddy?" That was Alice.

No. Not the children. They couldn't be home. Not now.

Ethan quickly brushed his hands under his eyes and tried to smile as they burst into the room. "Hey. I'm glad you're home. I've missed you. Did you have a good time with Mummy?"

He looked towards the door, expecting to see Alicia, but there was no-one.

Daisy wrinkled her nose. "Are you _bleeding_?" She wasn't squeamish, but she considered injury to be a sign of weakness. She seemed unlikely to follow her parents into medicine.

"Blood!" exclaimed Alice in delight. "Where's it coming from? Can I see the hole?" Alice's bedside manner suggested her future lay outside the ED as well – which might disappoint Lily slightly but not Ethan.

His heart might be broken, but it still swelled with love as he looked at his children.

Caleb put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Are you okay, Daddy?"

Ethan wrapped his free arm around Caleb. "I'm okay. Thank you. I won't kiss you: I'm a bit disgusting." He turned to his daughters. "I tripped over, but I'm fine."

"You tripped over? At your age?" said Daisy.

"Um, yes. At my age," said Ethan awkwardly.

Alice couldn't keep still. "I want to see the hole the blood's coming out of!"

Ethan smiled. "The blood's coming from my nose, but you can have a look if you like."

Alice went forward eagerly and Ethan held the tissue away from his nose.

"Please don't poke it too much or it might bleed for longer," said Ethan. "Daisy, who brought you home?"

Daisy got that unimpressed look on her face again. "Mum. She dropped us off a couple of houses away and drove off." She shook her head. "Seriously, you two need to sort it out. Don't you think you're being a bit childish?" She looked at him more closely. "Have you been _crying_?"

"Um..." Ethan didn't like lying to his children. "My eyes watered a bit. From the pain."

Caleb hugged Ethan. "Falling over hurts," he whispered.

"It does hurt," said Ethan, but he didn't just mean the falling-over.

* * *

Zoe stopped speaking. She stared at the man sitting beside Robyn.

She hadn't seen him for years, but surely…

What was Robyn doing with Louis Fairhead?

Zoe had been surprised that Robyn didn't want to call Lofty, but perhaps it made a bit more sense now.

 _Maybe I shouldn't have come back_ , thought Zoe. _I might have missed the medicine, but I did not miss this part!_

"Zoe?" Robyn's voice was trembling. "Please tell me. Even if it's bad."

Zoe snapped back to the present. She was Ava's doctor. Whatever Ava's mother was doing behind Ava's father's back wasn't relevant at this time. "Sorry, Robyn. Ava is fine. The scan was clear and she's showing no further signs of discomfort, though we're going to keep her in for a couple of hours. Would you like to come and see her?"

"I'll stay here with the kids if you like," said Louis.

Robyn gave him a hug. "Thanks, Louis. That would be great."

* * *

Honey smiled to herself as she took a dress from the rack. It was short and tight. A dowdy, middle-aged type like Louise could never carry it off, but Honey knew she could do it. Of course, she was ten… no, twenty years younger than Louise.

She'd told Noel she needed money for new clothes as she'd left so much of her stuff at her marital home. Noel had told her to help herself. So Honey had helped herself to his credit card.

She knew his PIN because he'd very proudly told her he'd changed it to her birthday, but she'd only used it at the cashpoint. She'd be fine with the self-service machines, but if she was unlucky enough to get landed with a real person, they would never believe she was Mr Noel Garcia.

Honey had been told she looked like a drag queen on occasion, but she knew that was just jealous bitchiness. She looked nothing like a drag queen. She looked like a beautiful young girl and she'd hardly changed at all in the last twenty… ten years. She obviously had changed in the last twenty years because she definitely didn't look like a ten-year-old.

She was already imagining the look on Louise's face. She would guess Honey had been spending Noel's money. She'd go running to Noel and criticise his baby girl again – and Noel wouldn't be happy with his wife at all.

* * *

Zoe fell into step beside Dylan K. "Hi. I was wondering."

Dylan K jumped. "Will you stop creeping up on me?"

"I didn't!" said Zoe. "How could I creep up on anyone in these shoes?"

Dylan K gave her a quick glance. "Sorry. What were you wondering?"

"Are Robyn and Lofty… I mean… is everything okay? With their marriage?"

"Yes, I think so," said Dylan K. "Why?"

Zoe hesitated. She knew how much Dylan K cared about Lofty and he already seemed stressed. "Robyn's daughter Ava was brought in as a patient, but Robyn didn't want to call Lofty."

"That's because Lofty went home with a bad headache," said Dylan K.

"Did she want him to come to the hospital before she knew about the headache?" said Zoe.

Dylan K looked at her as though she was mad – which was, in some ways, a comfort. "Yes. As soon as she saw me, she asked for Lofty, but when I explained, she decided not to bother him."

Zoe relaxed – but not completely. "Did you see the guy who came in with them?"

"Guy?" said Dylan K blankly. "No. What's the problem?"

"No. No problem," said Zoe quickly.

"Then why go on about it?"

Zoe looked at him, frowning. "Dylan, is everything okay?"

She expected him to say everything was fine, but he didn't. "Luke and Dylan have gone off to London to see his mum."

"Well, what else did you expect?" said Zoe impatiently. "They're fifteen-year-old kids! Did you honestly expect them to behave sensibly?"

"Yes!" said Dylan K.

* * *

Matilda sat in the park with Lottie and listened. She couldn't really imagine having a boyfriend, but she was sure she would be embarrassed to be caught by her boyfriend's mum.

"And it's on that silly facebook site, too," said Lottie, trying not to cry.

Matilda hugged her. "No-one believes everything on that, do they? Isn't it mostly rubbish?"

"I think most of it's made up or exaggerated," said Lottie. "But some people believe it."

"There's... there's nothing about me and Cal on there, is there?"

Lottie hesitated. "Um, yes, but I'm sure no-one would believe it. Most of the entries are about our group of friends. And I think it's my fault!"

"I'm sure it's not!" said Matilda.

"I... I told Charlie," said Lottie. "He was... touching me. I wanted to distract him, so I told him about you and Cal. I'm sorry."

Matilda was horrified. "He was touching you? You mean, in places you didn't want him to? That's awful!"

"I wasn't completely sure if I wanted him to or not," said Lottie awkwardly. "I don't know. I was confused. But I told him that and it ended up on the site. I might have told him other stuff too - he always asks what I've been up to, though he never really seems to listen."

"Do you mean you think Charlie's the one behind it?" said Matilda.

"I don't know," said Lottie. "I hope not. He is trying to move a bit fast for me, but I really like him, Tilly."

* * *

Dylan had been to London before, but never on her own. Paddington Station seemed big and dark and confusing and she had no idea where to go.

The thought worried her because she always knew where to go.

"Where now?" said Luke. He was holding Dylan's hand just a bit too tightly.

"We need to go on the Underground," said Dylan. She looked around uncertainly.

"Well... there's a tube map." Luke gave it a dubious look. "It looks a bit confusing. How many lines are there?"

"Twelve – though the thirteenth is opening this year," said Dylan. "This map looks confusing because it's got all the Overground lines on too, but I think if we do this…" She tapped the screen and a box appeared, along with a touch-screen keyboard. Dylan typed in: _Whitechapel_. "Here we are There are two direct routes from Paddington to Whitechapel – the Hammersmith  & City Line and the Elizabeth Line. The Elizabeth Line has five stops in comparison with the Hammersmith & City's eleven. But it will be more crowded. What do you think? You probably know the underground better than I do."

Luke shrugged. "I've been on it a couple of times."

"You didn't live here then?" said Dylan curiously.

"No, but I've lived just about everywhere else. Holby, Newcastle, Cardiff, Watford, Bournemouth... my dad kept offending people so we had to move."

"When did you live in Holby?" said Dylan. "You never mentioned that."

"Yeah, I was pretty young."

"Which school?" asked Dylan curiously.

"I can't remember. I wasn't there long," said Luke. "Can we go now? I really want to see my mum."

* * *

Cal left the police station with a frown on his face. They'd been reluctant to tell him anything at first, but they'd finally confirmed that no-one of Taylor's description had entered the police station.

He got into the car. He knew there wasn't much chance of finding her – if she had a car, she could be miles away. Even if she was walking, there was no guarantee he'd find her. Even if he went the right way, she could be at home by now.

No. This was stupid. Taylor was in the past. It was _Ethan_ who mattered.

All the same, he kept en eye out for Taylor on his way home, but it was another woman who caught his attention – or rather, her car.

She was sitting in the front seat, her head and hands resting on the steering wheel. Cal tore open the door "Lily, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how upset Ethan is? What he's going through?"

At first, he thought Lily wouldn't answer. It was almost as though she hadn't heard. Then a shudder ran through her and she gave a low moan.

Cal touched her arm and spoke more gently. "Come home with me, Lily. Come home to Ethan."


	63. Chapter 63

**X-Sammii-X** , I think Cal has really helped Matilda to be strong because he loves her. You could be right about Charlie - he's a definite suspect. Cal is trying to put Taylor in the past, but whatever she wants, she probably won't give up too easily. Thank you for your review - I hope this chapter makes you smile too.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm still working out why Louis is back, but it could be something dubious, knowing him. I think it would take a lot to persuade Lily to go with Cal. She's really struggling, but she won't want to admit it, particularly not to her brother-in-law. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. Even if Lily deserves to lose everything, Caleb doesn't deserve to lose his mum. Robyn's involvement with Louis is innocent - the only thing she's done wrong is hiding it from Lofty - but it does look bad! Robyn loves to gossip, but she won't enjoy being the subject of gossip. Honey definitely needs sorting out! No Taylor in this chapter, but she definitely will be back. Thank you for your review - I'm glad it's keeping your interest!

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - I'm glad that Tilly is gradually becoming more mature. I think even though Cal treats her as a child, it still makes a difference as Cal, unlike her parents, treats her as a human being. Dylan is going to find out a lot more about Luke very soon.

 **Liveyourdaydream** , I'm glad I mentioned the town where you live! I'm really glad you were able to find the time to review this chapter - reviewing does take time and it's a very busy time of year. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still reading and enjoying the story.

 **Tanith Panic** , the more people have seen Robyn and Louis together, the more chance there is of something getting back to Lofty and that's not the best way for him to find out. I'm glad Matilda is adorable. She probably didn't believe she could look after someone till recently. I'm afraid Ethan is going to do some more suffering in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. You'll find out how okay Lily is in this chapter and her reunion with Ethan is going to happen very soon. Whether it will be a happy one remains to be seen!

* * *

Lily didn't move. She sat rigidly in the car seat, making no signs that she'd even hear Cal.

She moaned again.

Cal didn't know how he'd missed it. He gripped her arm. "Lily, what's wrong? Where does it hurt?"

Lily turned to look at him, indecision on her face. Then another wave of pain overcame her. "My… my uterus."

Cal felt himself withdrawing slightly. "You mean like… you know… _period pains_?"

Lily's eyes flashed. "No. I mean like… you know… _miscarriage_ pain!"

A stricken look came to her face.

"You're pregnant?" said Cal dumbly. "How?"

"The usual way!" snapped Lily.

Cal was confused. "You mean you had another round of IVF?"

"No, I had sex!" shouted Lily.

Cal spent a few seconds cringing at the thought of Ethan having sex before brain clicked into gear. "Come on. We need to get you to the ED and I don't care what you say: I'm calling Ethan."

* * *

Dylan K knew it was a bad sign, but he couldn't ignore the nagging voice in his mind. The voice was talking sense. If he wasn't 100% sure of what was wrong with the patient, he needed to check everything.

"Dr Keogh?" said David, very softly. "Do you need me to take some bloods?"

The fact David was actually prompting him was a bad sign: there were some nurses, like Rita, who were never afraid to question the doctors and others, like Louise, who always grabbed the chance to show off their superiority, but David wasn't like either of them.

"FBCs?" prompted David gently. "Arterial blood gasses?"

"Not now, David!" Dylan K's voice seemed to echo around Resus. He felt instantly guilty: while he quite often shouted at the other nurses, he was always more careful with David. "I… I'll find another doctor."

"There isn't one," said David. Concern filled his eyes. "But you can do this, Dylan."

Dylan K felt slightly comforted. From another nurse, it would have seemed cheeky, but David was never cheeky. "Just give me a moment," he said, and returned his mind to his checklist. He went through it as quickly as he could and immediately felt calmer. It always helped Dylan K and the delay didn't always harm the patient.

He turned back to David and asked for some bloods.

* * *

Rita stopped outside the police station and turned to face Alfie. He was already quite a lot taller than she was, but he looked young and afraid. "Alfie, it's going to be okay. I know it's going to be difficult, but we can do this."

They followed Iain inside and up to the desk, where Iain explained who they were and why they were here. They were asked to wait and as they sat in the seats provided, Rita could almost feel the tension inside Alfie coiling more and more tightly with every minute.

At last, a policewoman appeared. "Are you the Dean family? I'm P.C. Chandler, but you can call me Suzanne if you like." Rita smiled and made the introductions.

They were taken into a small room. Suzanne took down some details and had a look at the website. "Yes, I can see why you're concerned. We can certainly look into that for you. Out of interest, how much of this information would you say is true? For example, the two boys heading off to London alone; the Year 10 girl sleeping with a Year 11 boy; the fifteen-year-old living with the man in his forties – these are all issues that would concern us."

Rita didn't think she'd imagined the slight emphasis on the last example. "I've known Cal for years. Letting Matilda live with him is the kind of impulsive thing he might do, but she would be in absolutely no danger. Cal lives with his brother and his family anyway: he and Matilda are hardly alone. Alfie says Charlie has no interest in Lottie and she's not that kind of girl, so we don't think that's true. In any case, Charlie is still fifteen, which obviously doesn't make it okay, but it changes the situation. The 'two boys' are a boy and a girl. Dylan is very sensible, so I'd be surprised if they've gone to London. But most of the things on here do seem to be true."

Suzanne nodded thoughtfully. "Have you had any contact with the school?"

"No, because it's half-term," said Rita. "But we do think they need to be made aware."

"I agree, but it might be best if the approach came from us," said Suzanne. "Do any of you have any idea who might be behind this?"

Rita saw Alfie's gaze drop to the table. He looked a picture of guilt and yet he knew nothing.

"We don't know," said Iain firmly.

Suzanne regarded Alfie steadily for a moment. "Alfie, even if you have the smallest idea, it would help to hear it. I'm not asking you to accuse your friends. But any name you are able to give us could bring us a step closer to finding the true culprit."

* * *

Robyn couldn't help smiling as Louis lifted Ava carefully out of the car. "You'd make a good dad, you know."

Louis looked startled, then guilty.

"You don't have kids, do you?" said Robyn.

"I… I… no," said Louis.

Robyn was frowning as they walked up to the front door. She was sure Louis was lying, but why would he? Had he lost a child, perhaps? But he didn't seem sad. More… well, secretive.

"Listen, I need to go," said Louis. "Sorry." He placed Ava gently on her feet. "Get well soon, Ava. See you all soon." He hurried away.

Robyn watched him go, surprised and rather concerned. Then she unlocked the door and ushered the children inside. She put the twins in the playpen and gave the older boys strict instructions to behave before taking Ava up to bed. Only then did she go to see Lofty. "Hey." She kissed him. "Feeling any better?"

"Much better now you're here," said Lofty. He was pale, but his smile was warm and loving. "Where did you go? Did you have a good time?"

Robyn didn't want to worry him, but you couldn't keep a child's accident from her father. "Not really," she admitted.

* * *

"I don't know what to do, Lottie," Matilda wept when she'd finally told her friend everything. "What can I do?"

Lottie hugged her tightly. "Well, I don't know if going to see Cal is a good idea. He probably isn't under surveillance or anything like that, but what if he is? He could get into even more trouble."

"Would you be able to go and see him for me?" said Matilda.

"Why don't you write him a letter?" said Lottie. "Then, if he's not there, I can put it through the door."

Matilda hugged her in gratitude. She hadn't thought of that, but it made sense.

"But what are you going to do tonight, Tilly?" said Lottie. "If you're not going back to Dixie's, you'll need a place to stay."

"I really want to be with Cal," said Matilda, "but I can't risk getting him into more trouble. I don't suppose I can stay at yours?"

* * *

The hospital receptionist was reluctant to let Luke and Dylan see Hazel, but Dylan didn't let that bother her. She remained patient and polite, and before too long, they were making their way up to Hazel's room. Dylan could feel Luke trembling and held his hand tightly. "You know you can change your mind."

Luke looked at her incredulously. "How can I change my mind? She's my mum!"

Dylan didn't argue. She'd have done the same if it was Chloe.

A doctor was coming out of Hazel's room as they arrived. "Can I help you?"

"We're here to see Hazel Leyton," said Dylan calmly. "This is Luke, her son, and I'm Luke's girlfriend."

The doctor looked uncertain. "Ms Leyton didn't mention…"

"She didn't know when we were arriving," said Dylan. "But we're here now and I know we don't have that long before visiting hours end, so maybe…"

The doctor stepped aside. Dylan smiled and thanked him and she and Luke went into the room.

"Luke?" said Hazel. "What… how…"

Dylan thought Hazel was probably beautiful. About half of her face was covered with dressings. On the bare patches of skin were bruises and scars. She was receiving IV fluids – probably including pain relief – and Dylan could see from the monitor that Hazel was tachycardic with high blood pressure, but Dylan had no idea of her medical history so she couldn't draw too many conclusions from that. She had an arm and a leg in plaster and her other arm had a white support bandage around the wrist.

"Oh God, Mum!" Luke dropped to his knees beside the bed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

A grimace of pain crossed Hazel's face as she lifted her arm. Only her fingers were free, but she managed to stroke Luke's hair. "It's not your fault, Luke. I'm glad you got out of there – and it's not as though I couldn't have left if I'd wanted it enough."

Luke was crying. Hazel stroked his hair and murmured something Dylan couldn't catch. Then she lifted her head and smiled. "Hi, you've probably guessed I'm Hazel. Thanks for coming. I'm glad Luke isn't here on his own."

"I'm Dylan," said Dylan, and saw the surprise on Hazel's face. "I was named after your stepson – he delivered me in the ED. He warned them against giving me a boy's name, but I have to say I like it."

"Yes, it's pretty," said Hazel.

Dylan was sure she was being polite and guessed Hazel would have chosen something much more feminine if she'd had a daughter – but Dylan wasn't offended. She looked at Luke and longed to comfort him, but Hazel was his mum and perhaps it was better this way.

* * *

Ella had expected to feel scared, but the closer she and Connor got to ICU, the more her fear drained away.

She felt numb. Or perhaps not numb. She felt like she was on TV or something. _She_ was real. The corridors were real. The ICU and the people in it were real – but the situation was not.

They stopped outside the door. "You want me to go in with you?" said Connor.

Ella nodded. The power of speech had left her. Connor took her hand in his and they went inside together. They walked towards the bed indicated by the nurse.

Ella stopped walking, one foot in mid-air. She turned to Connor. He was several years younger than she was, but she felt like a bewildered child seeking reassurance from an adult. "Connor, that's not my dad."


	64. Chapter 64

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , for once, I'm not keeping you waiting... Connor's and Lily's reactions are in this chapter. Cal has a lot on his plate with everyone at the moment! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you like the cliffhanger. It was actually a bit of a surprise to me too! It wasn't in the plan. I think Tilly has always wanted to fit in somewhere, but almost as soon as she found Cal, she was taken away again. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I hope I'm not being too mean to Lily. I wanted to bring Lily and Ethan back together sooner, so I needed something pretty dramatic and emotional!

 **Applealice10** , yes, Dylan and Luke are finally in London! It should probably have taken them a bit longer timewise, but I wanted them to get there too! You'll find out what Tilly wrote in the letter later - I was thinking of showing the letter when Cal ready it, but he's a bit distracted at the moment because of Lily. There will be a scene at Dixie's house in the next chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you're enjoying the mystery! I'm afraid there's no Lofty in this chapter - he's not in the next chapter either, but maybe I can squeeze him in and kick Louise out as his reaction is very important. Cal might not see the letter for a while as he's so caught up with Ethan and Lily, but I won't forget about it. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , if Ethan wants to be with Lily, the kids will need a babysitter - Matilda could have done it, but the police had other ideas! There's a good chance Robyn won't confess the whole story yet, but there are a few people who know about Louis now, so things could get very awkward. Dylan K really struggled the last time he was in charge and he has family problems now as well, so I thought it would make sense for him to struggle this time too. Now I'm just worried they're going to kill off Brian in Sunday's episode (all I know is that he's in it, but he didn't look good last time) and ruin my storyline! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. It would be devastating to have a miscarriage - even though it was unplanned and it could inherit Huntington's, it's still Lily's baby and I'm sure she loves it. Bringing a suffering relative to the wrong patient would be a big mistake on Connor's part. I'm so glad you're enjoying this.

 _Thank you to **Is-there-somewhere-x** for the follow._

* * *

Connor looked at the man in the bed, then at Ella. "Okay. I'll speak to the nurse." He caught a nurse's eye. "Excuse me. My friend came in to see her dad, but this isn't her dad."

The nurse came over at once. "Who's your dad, sweetheart?"

"Martin Ashford," said Ella.

The nurse checked the notes by the bed and asked Ella to wait a moment. She left the room.

"Connor, I want to go," said Ella. "It doesn't seem right to be hanging round other people's relatives."

"Okay, let's go outside."

The nurse soon returned, accompanied by the doctor. He stopped when he saw Ella, a look of sympathy on his face. "I know this must be very distressing for you, Dr Ashford. It must be a terrible shock."

"That's not my dad."

"Ella, he is your dad. I know him well. We trained together; met up often when he worked here and stayed in touch over the years."

Connor felt the first seeds of doubt.

Ella's voice was fierce. "I bet you never saw him as often as I did! Trust me, that man is not my dad."

"Ella…"

"Look, you could have made a mistake, right? He didn't have no ID when he come in here."

Connor put his arm around her. "Ella, you identified your dad when he was brought into the hospital."

Ella swung to face him, hurt on her face. "What, you don't believe me neither? I don't believe this."

"Look, we can run a DNA test, can't we?" Connor asked the doctor. "If Ella's dad's on file here, that will confirm if it's him or not?"

* * *

Dylan K tried again. Dylan and Luke both seemed to have their phones switched off, or perhaps reception wasn't very good wherever they were. They might be on the underground or something… but didn't they have mobile reception on there now? They'd been talking about it for long enough.

Zoe appeared beside him. "What's wrong, Dylan?"

Dylan K almost wished she hadn't come back. Zoe always had understood him too well.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" said Zoe. "I shouldn't have told you about Robyn and Louis."

Louis… Dylan K couldn't remember a Louis. But it could be spelled Louie: perhaps that was what everyone was calling Louise now. "Have they had an argument?"

"No, they seemed to be getting on _really well_ ," said Zoe significantly.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?"

Zoe looked surprised. "I wouldn't have expected Lofty's friend to say that."

* * *

Cal screeched to a halt directly outside the ED doors. He knew he was blocking the exit, but this was his niece or nephew. He jumped out of the car and almost cried with relief when he saw Alicia walking towards them with a wheelchair.

"Thanks for coming," he said unsteadily as he opened the car door and lifted Lily in his arms. She looked so tiny and delicate. He tried not to look at the front seat, not wanting to see how much blood Lily had lost, but he couldn't tear his gaze away.

He knew Lily had only found out about her pregnancy that day so she hadn't attended any scans. With everything else that was going on for her, perhaps it wasn't surprising she'd missed any signs she was pregnant. Especially as she'd never conceived naturally before.

Cal gently lowered Lily into the wheelchair.

"Ethan?" said Lily softly. It was the first time she'd said his name.

"I'm going to get him now," said Cal. "Jack's meeting me there and he's going to take care of the kids. I'll get him to you as soon as I can."

"If he comes," said Lily.

Cal bent down and stroked her hair. "Of course he'll come."

* * *

Iain let the door swing shut behind him and turned to his family. Rita's gaze was fixed on Alfie. He'd stopped walking and was standing, his back to them, blocking their path.

Iain put a hand on his shoulder. "You did the right thing, mate."

Rita nodded. "I'm so proud of you, Alfie."

Alfie spoke as though the words hurt his throat. "Then you're the only one."

"You didn't accuse anyone," said Rita. "All you did was talk about who had the computer skills."

Alfie swung to face them. "Why do they even need to know that anyway? They can find out which computer it came from."

"Anyone who's clever enough to hack into a hospital database without being caught can probably cover their tracks pretty well," said Iain.

"But this is someone I care about!" said Alfie. "And if they make an arrest, it's my fault!"

* * *

Lottie had argued the case eloquently more than once. She did tell her parents Matilda was in foster care, which Matilda hadn't wanted her to, but considering the information had followed a panicked: "No, you can't call Matilda's parents!", she was grateful Lottie had broken that promise.

That, however, had seemed to tip the scales against Matilda. Lottie's parents didn't seem to think Matilda should be staying with a friend so soon after her adoption.

In any other situation, Matilda would have agreed, but she couldn't bear to stay in the house with Olivia, knowing Cal had wanted to adopt her first.

"Okay," said Lottie at last. "It's okay. I understand. I'll see you later." She turned to Matilda. "Tilly, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," said Matilda. "I'll try Ariana."

Lottie hesitated. "But you don't want… I mean… if you're upset…"

Matilda knew what she was trying not to say. If Zoe and Max made a fuss of Matilda, Ariana might start thinking they didn't love her anymore; that they wished they'd adopted Matilda instead. "I don't know what else I can do."

* * *

Ethan was trying to cope. He listened to Daisy's latest rant about Lily's inappropriate behaviour and said Lily probably had a good reason, but he agreed with Daisy in theory that Lily shouldn't have driven off and left her children.

He reassured Caleb, who was worried that he'd done something wrong. Ethan told him he'd done nothing wrong and he and Lily both loved Caleb very much.

Ethan wished he could be half as sure Lily loved him.

He patiently explained to Alice exactly what was happening inside his nose as the blood clotted, though he rejected her idea that he should blow his nose "so I can see what happens."

Ethan remembered joking with Lily once that perhaps Alice was Honey's daughter. Of course she wasn't – not unless the doctor had swapped their embryos somehow. But Ethan and Lily did joke sometimes. Not very often because Lily was naturally serious, but sometimes they sat in each other's arms and laughed and felt happy.

At least, Ethan had felt happy.

Ethan was glad when Cal arrived home. After a moment's confusion about why Jack was with him he saw the look on Cal's face. He was filled momentarily with panic, but he tried to ignore it. Whatever had happened, Cal needed him. "What's wrong? Is it Matilda?"

Cal waited until Jack had taken the children upstairs to play' and sat sat beside him. "Matilda is fine as far as I know."

Ethan began to shake. "Is it Lily? Oh God, what's happened?"

"She's at the ED," said Cal. "We think she might be losing a baby. I'm so sorry."

"But she's not… but we haven't…" Ethan shook his head. "It's impossible. We're always careful."

"Accidents happen," said Cal. "And now Lily needs you."

Ethan felt emotion coursing through him. He felt as though he might break apart. Cal put his arms around Ethan and held him tightly.

Ethan stayed there for a moment or two, fighting back the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him. Then he pulled away and spoke in a voice that was almost calm. "Will you drive me to the hospital, please?"

* * *

"So, you and Dylan are friends?" said Hazel, when Luke was calmer.

"She's my girlfriend, Mum," said Luke.

Dylan was surprised by his tone of voice. He seemed almost defiant. Perhaps he thought Hazel wouldn't approve of her.

"Girlfriend?" said Hazel. She glanced at Dylan, then back to Luke. "Have you told her?"

"No," said Luke in a low voice.

Hazel's voice was serious. "You need to tell her."

"I know."

Dylan stepped forward. "It's okay. I know already."

Luke turned and stared at her. "What? How?"

"Dylan told me," said Dylan.

"He did WHAT?" Luke got up from the bed. He was breathing hard. "He had no right to tell you! He had no right to say anything!"

"He thought I needed to know," said Dylan.

"But Luke, if Dylan knows and she's still happy to be your girlfriend, isn't that good?" said Hazel.

Dylan knew she had to be honest. "I'm actually not completely sure if I'm happy or not."

She knew Luke would be upset, but she didn't want to lie or get his hopes up.

She wasn't expecting a great scream of rage and pain, followed by Luke's abrupt exit from the room.

"I'm sorry: I didn't mean to upset him!" said Dylan. "I just don't want to share him with another girl. I know three-way relationships are fashionable at the moment and if all three parties agree, then it's fine. But I didn't agree to anything so it's technically infidelity. Much as I like your son, I don't want to be cheated on."

Hazel held out her hand. "Dylan, come here."

Dylan felt a moment's uncertainty. She moved to Hazel's side. "I'm sorry I upset him. I probably shouldn't have sprung it on him like that."

"I know," said Hazel. "I can see you care about him and I agree you shouldn't have to share him with anybody. But that wasn't what I meant, Dylan."

"What did you mean?" asked Dylan.

"I think it's best if I just say it," said Hazel.

Dylan nodded. She couldn't argue with that.

"When Luke was born… he was a girl," said Hazel. "He's been living as a boy for a while and having hormonal treatment, but in certain ways, he's biologically female."


	65. Chapter 65

_Thank you so much for all the support with this story. I realise some of my storylines are very complicated, so if anyone isn't clear on anything, you are always welcome to ask and I'll be happy to clarify things if I can._

 **X-Sammii-X** , yes, you're right! I am trying to fit the story with what's happening onscreen at the moment, so a lot of twists are actually attempts to fill in holes in the plot! But I really am glad you like it. I'm really glad you like Lily in this fanfic - she does love her kids, but she is also scared because her world is no longer as she thought it was. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I thought about ignoring the baby girl and sticking with the boy, but as there was a way around it, I decided to go for it! I'm sure there will be things to ignore in the future though. I'm really glad you like Lily and Ethan's children and that you feel they are convincingly 'theirs'. Caleb is my favourite too! I haven't seen tonight's episode yet, but I am keeping my fingers crossed Brian will be okay!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it will be horrible for Lily. It would be terrible to lose a baby and the way things are between her and Ethan, she probably can't be sure of having his support. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you can wait for your Lofty moments - because you'll have to wait until the end of the chapter! I'm glad you like the ending. Unfortunately, I thought it would take something potentially tragic for Lily to swallow her pride and talk to Ethan - and this is also relevant to the Huntington's storyline. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I need to research DNA tests and decide how far they might have progressed, but it will clear everything up for Ella. Staying strong hasn't been Ethan's forte recently, but he does have Cal. Dylan is usually very open-minded and she had two mothers, so I'm sure she would accept transsexuals, but the situation is complicated. Thank you for your review.

 **xMissWhitneyBex** **x** , thank you for your review. It can be confusing sometimes when stories don't fit the 'facts' and I haven't exactly kept things simple where Matilda and Olivia's storyline is concerned! The trouble with confusing the characters is that readers can become confused too. I'm glad everything is clear now.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the twist with Luke's character - I wanted it to fit with what had happened onscreen and this seemed to be the only solution. You'll find out more about Matilda and Dixie in this chapter. I'm sure Ethan will want to be supportive, but it won't be easy!

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , I love that the twist surprised people - I thought some people would see it coming, so I'm really happy it was a surprise! I would hope the situation would be vastly improved by 2030, though there might always be a few idiots who don't understand. Lily and Ethan's reunion will be very soon, though not in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Biologically…" Dylan stopped. "Okay. So he's living as a boy, he's had some hormonal treatment, but of course he hasn't had surgical treatment because he's too young."

Hazel nodded. "He's always wanted to be a boy, though I wonder if his father influenced that. He loved Rihanna – that was her name - when she was a baby, but once she started to grow up, he didn't have much use for her. But she insisted she wanted to be a boy, so I let him live as a boy. He started the hormonal treatment when he was twelve. I didn't like it. It felt too soon. But she'd wanted this ever since she could talk." She grasped Dylan's hand. "Dylan, please tell me you still feel the same way about him. I'd understand if you didn't, but... he's still the same person. He really is."

"Of course it is, and I like him just as much as ever. He's kind and sensitive and if you'll forgive me for saying this about your son, he's hot." Dylan paused. "I am still worried about Maya. Obviously, their relationship can't be nearly as advanced as I imagined it was, but this could still be infidelity and that's not a trait I'm terribly keen on."

Hazel nodded understandingly. "Of course not. If my son is cheating on you, then I'm very sorry and you're quite right not to accept it."

"But in theory, I don't object at all to going out with a boy who is partly biologically female," said Dylan. "I'm not going to be unrealistic and say it's the same as dating any other boy. There are certain biological functions we can't perform which might be something we want to do once we're sixteen – though he'll be eligible for surgery at that age. But I like Luke a lot and what you've told me doesn't change that."

* * *

Ariana jumped out of Max's car and gave Matilda a hug. "Tilly, are you okay?"

"Yes," said Matilda, but she couldn't stop crying.

Ariana held her tightly for a moment. "Come on, Tilly. I'll sit in the back with you. We'll be home soon."

Matilda did as she was told and wondered how she could begin to tell Ariana. She couldn't say anything now, not when Cal's new colleague's husband was driving the car.

"What happened?" said Ariana.

Matilda glanced nervously towards the mirror, where Max was reflected. She felt guilty. Dixie, Jess and Olivia had tried so hard to make her welcome, but how could she have stayed after discovering Cal might not really love her?

"Okay," said Ariana. She looked hurt. "You don't have to tell me."

"Ari, of course I want to tell you!" said Matilda. "But I can't talk about… about boys in front of your dad."

Max laughed. "Don't mind me. Ari's always talking about boys. There's nothing you can say that I haven't heard before."

Matilda glanced at him uncertainly. Max seemed so friendly and relaxed – the kind of guy you could tell anything - but Ariana had told her how old-fashioned he could be.

Max's mobile was ringing. He half-reached out a hand towards it.

"Don't answer it!" shrieked Ariana. "We'll crash!"

"It's okay. I won't answer it." Max's voice was reassuring, but then he frowned. "Ariana, do you think you might have left something in the ambulance yesterday?"

Ariana looked as confused as her dad. "I don't think so. Why?"

"Dixie's calling me."

* * *

Louise led Alicia to the relatives' room. Louise didn't speak on the way and for that, Alicia was grateful. She wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone.

This was all her fault. If she'd insisted that Lily had a scan when she'd discovered her pregnancy…

Louise opened the door and spoke gently. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

Alicia shook her head. It was always awkward being with Louise. They'd got on so well when they'd first met, but when they'd met again, many years later, Lily had been the one she'd ended up becoming close to. "You should get back to Lily."

"They don't need me," said Louise. "I can stay with you." An emotion flickered across her face. She closed her eyes and spoke almost in a whisper. "Unless you don't want me to."

Alicia heard the sadness in her voice and felt guilty. It was her fault she and Louise weren't as close as they had been. Louise had wanted to rekindle the friendship, but Alicia had resisted - and not allowed herself to think how much that would have hurt.

She couldn't reject Louise now. Alicia's selfish behaviour had already caused Lily to leave the hospital without having medical attention she'd really needed. She didn't want to hurt anyone else. "Of course you can stay, Louise. I'd like that. Thanks."

* * *

Zoe watched as Dylan K paced the staff room. He didn't seem to have noticed she was there. He was holding something in his hand which she hadn't been able to identify at first, but now she remembered it. It was a magnet Lofty had given him once.

He was rubbing his hand over it rhythmically as he walked. Every so often, he glanced down at it. At first, Zoe thought the glances were casual, but then she realised they seemed to come at regular intervals. She began to count the number of times Dylan K rubbed the magnet before looking at it.

Fifty times.

Fifty times and then a glance. And so caught up in it, he hadn't seen her.

Zoe didn't interrupt him straight away. Being Ariana's mother had taught her how comforting repetitive actions could be and she didn't want to interrupt him mid-cycle. She counted to fifty with him. "Dylan."

He jumped and looked round at her. "How long have you been there?"

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"You're struggling, aren't you?" said Zoe. She nodded towards the magnet.

Dylan K stuffed it into his pocket. "I think I'm struggling less than any other doctor in this hospital."

"Perhaps," said Zoe. "Look, I'm not saying you need to go home. You're working well and we need one person who knows what they're doing."

"Then what's the problem?" said Dylan K irritably.

"There's no problem yet," said Zoe. "But I'm concerned there could be a problem if you keep pushing yourself. So take it easy, okay? If there is someone else who can do a job, let them. You can't look after all of us if you don't look after yourself first."

* * *

Olivia watched helplessly as Dixie tried another number. So far, all the calls had gone to voicemail.

"Okay: Max isn't picking up either," said Dixie. She'd already tried Cal and Zoe, but neither had answered. "I think we can afford to wait a little while, but if we don't hear from them soon, I will need to contact the police."

"But you said you knew Tilly's friends!" said Olivia.

"I know them by sight, but I don't have their contact numbers," said Dixie. "I was going to ask Max. I don't _want_ to involve the police – Matilda's had enough to deal with. I also don't want to get Cal into any more trouble. But she's a vulnerable child and it's possible she hasn't gone to any of her friends. It's possible she's out there on her own."

Olivia looked down at the table.

"Olivia?" said Jess.

Slowly, Olivia lifted her eyes to her mother.

"Is there anything you haven't told us?"

* * *

Cal and Ethan sat side-by-side in the staff room. Ethan hadn't said anything for a while, but Cal could feel him trembling. His face was pale and he was biting his lip.

"Ethan?" said Cal softly. He put his arm around his brother.

Ethan sagged limply against him. "I don't want Lily to lose the baby."

"We've got to stay positive," said Cal. "Lily's young and healthy." She wasn't young to be having a baby, but perhaps Ethan would let that go.

"But if the baby survives… and it's got the gene…" Ethan's voice was choked.

"Then we'll deal with it together," said Cal. "But we don't know for certain that your medication isn't working. Even if it isn't, they might have perfected it by the time your child needs it."

Ethan closed his eyes. "I promised Lily she would never be in this position."

Cal stroked his shoulder. "Accidents happen. Lily's a doctor. She knows that."

"But I thought… if we were really careful…"

Cal shook his head. "There are no guarantees. But it's nobody's fault, Ethan. I'm sure you and Lily can deal with it. This could be what brings you back together."

Ethan took his glasses off, a sure sign he was close to tears. "Why would she want me back after what I've done?"

"What you've _done_?" echoed Cal. "You slept with your wife, Ethan. It's not a crime. That's what I'd be doing if I had a wife." He hated the sadness that crept into his voice.

He hated the sympathetic glance Ethan gave him too. "There's still time, Cal. Still time to meet someone."

"Well, I can't do anything about it now," said Cal. He wasn't sure he could ever do anything about it. He had Matilda to consider, and if Ethan was already showing symptoms… "Let's just focus on Lily and see what happens."

* * *

Lofty stared at Robyn, unable to process what she was saying. Ava had been hurt and that was terrible and in a minute, he would go and check she really was okay now, but in the meantime… "You went to the park? Who went with you?"

"Um, no-one," mumbled Robyn, avoiding his eyes.

Lofty always tried not to show anger. It achieved nothing and Robyn had had a horrible shock. "You went to the park on your own with five kids?"

"You've done it!" said Robyn with uncharacteristic aggression. "What, is it okay for you because you're a man and I'm only a woman?"

"Of course not. I only take the three older kids and I'm not pregnant," said Lofty. He breathed deeply, reminding himself to stay calm. Robyn had made a mistake. Everyone made mistakes and it was very difficult being cooped up in the house with the kids all day. Of course they wanted to go out and have some fun. "So, you were all alone in the park?"

"No, there were other parents there," said Robyn. "Other people I know. One of them came to the hospital with us."

Lofty felt himself relax slightly. "Who was it?"

"No-one you know," said Robyn.

"And she brought her kids too?"

There was a long pause before Robyn replied. "He doesn't have any kids. He was just there."

Lofty's horror was back in full force. "There's a guy with no kids who hangs around the park? And you let him help with our kids?"

"He's a friend!" said Robyn. "He helped me. He helped Ava. He hasn't done anything wrong!"

"What's his name?" said Lofty.

"Louis."

"Louis what?"

"I don't know."

"How much of a friend is he when you don't even know his surname?" said Lofty. He closed his eyes as a memory hit him. "The kids. They mentioned someone called Louis. I assumed they meant Louise, but… was it him, Robyn?"

Another pause that seemed to go on forever. Something twisted in Lofty's gut. His wife was withholding information about another guy. His _wife_.

Finally, Robyn spoke. Her voice was quiet and she still wasn't looking at him. "Yes. He was."


	66. Chapter 66

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. All Robyn has really done is make a friend and worry that Lofty wouldn't understand - but she's also been meeting a guy in secret. Ethan will get some news about Lily in this chapter.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Olivia really seemed to like Tilly on sight, which would have been really good for Tilly's confidence if the misunderstanding hadn't occurred! I think Tilly needs more friends. Lofty is supposed to be coming back - David is a great addition to the show, but I still miss Lofty. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Robyn has every right to make male friends, but she's managed to make Louis sound really dodgy! Ethan and Lily probably won't find out if the baby as the gene until the birth, but there's a 50% chance. I think Dylan will go for it - if Luke agrees. I definitely prefer Luke to Alfie and Charlie! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I imagine there probably is more acceptance generally in 2030, but I imagine a lot of people, particularly teenagers, would hesitate to do what Dylan is doing. The misunderstanding between Matilda and Olivia will be sorted out - but Dixie doesn't know the full story yet.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I really hope I'll be able to keep fitting things in with the TV series, but it sounds like Brian won't live for another 15 years. I can change a character's sex, but a resurrection seems a step too far! I really wanted to show Ariana's supportive side again as we haven't seen it for maybe 30 chapters and I do really want to show that people with BPD are caring. I also wanted to show Cal and Ethan caring about each other - we all love a bit of brotherly love!

* * *

"I think you'd better tell me everything you know about this Louis," said Lofty.

Robyn knew the anger that rose up inside her came at least partly from guilt. She and Louis were only friends, but she had hid her friendship with him from Lofty – and she couldn't even tell him why because she didn't know. "You have no right to demand that I tell you everything about my friends."

Lofty looked upset. "Of course I haven't. But… I don't know what to say, Robyn. You've been spending time with this guy I've never even heard of. You didn't tell me about him and you're only telling me now because you felt backed into a corner. What's going on?"

Robyn looked away. "Don't you think you'd better go and see how Ava is?"

She wasn't looking at Lofty, but she heard him gasp. "Okay. I'll go and see Ava." His voice wavered. "But when I've seen her, Robyn, I really hope you're going to tell me what's going on. Of course your friends are your own business. But… I just don't know what to think, Robyn. I really don't."

* * *

Louise felt rather than saw Alicia shrink towards her as the door opened. David stood there, looking apologetically at the two of them. He made eye contact with Louise. "Louise, can I… it's not about Lily."

Alicia looked at him with relief and gratitude. David still didn't say much, but he always knew what needed to be said. He knew Alicia would worry if she saw two nurses whispering

Louise didn't think she'd have thought of that. Some people were naturally nice. Louise wasn't.

She patted Alicia's arm. "I'll just be a minute, okay?"

David closed the door behind them. "Noel's waiting in reception for you."

The sound of Noel's name was like a blanket being wrapped comfortingly around Louise's shoulders.

But only for a second.

In that second, she'd forgotten.

David's face filled with anxiety. "Louise?"

"Tell him I'm staying with Alicia," said Louise. It hurt her to say the words, but she knew she couldn't go home with him now. She doubted she was of much comfort to Alicia, but now, when she was so tired and overwrought, the last thing she needed was to go home and see Honey.

"I'll tell him," said David quietly. He half-turned away, but a moment later, that concerned gaze was back. "Louise, is everything all right?"

He sounded so kind. So caring. Louise fought back an urge to cry.

David rested his hand on her arm.

"Everything's just a mess, David. Me… Noel… our marriage… our lives…"

* * *

It was easy to find him. Dylan simply tracked his phone. She knew it wouldn't necessarily be accurate and that he might keep moving, but she told herself she'd deal with that if it happened. There was nothing to be gained by panicking.

So Dylan didn't panic – but that didn't mean she wasn't scared. She cared about Luke; perhaps even loved him and she knew that his mistaken belief that Dylan K had betrayed his secret to Dylan must have hurt him very deeply. And then Dylan had hurt him too: again, it had been an accident, but she'd told him that the secret she knew about him did make a difference to their relationship.

 _I should have been more careful_ , Dylan told herself as her phone led her to Luke. _I shouldn't have made the assumption that it was the same secret. If I'd thought about it properly I'd have realised that Hazel wasn't talking about another girlfriend._

 _Oh God, please be all right, Luke. Please._

 _No. I've got to be calm. Luke needs me to stay calm._

Dylan carried on walking. _I can do calm. I've spent my whole life being calm._

But calm was the last thing she felt now.

* * *

Fifteen years ago, Dixie would have left the room at this point. Jess and Olivia had their own mother-daughter relationship and Dixie wouldn't have wanted to butt in. But now, she was as much a part of this family as either of them.

"I warned Matilda," said Olivia in a low voice. "She loves Cal and I didn't want her making a fool of herself over him like I did. I told her he didn't feel the same way and that I should know because I was in the exact same situation as her once."

Jess's eyes met Dixie's. Horrified.

"Olli, it wasn't like that," said Jess. "Matilda thinks of Cal as a father. She was unhappy at home and wanted someone to look after her and she likes and trusts Cal. It was just unfortunate that he let her live in his house without making any attempt to contact the authorities."

"That is a bit weird," said Olivia. "When I was fifteen, I wanted to grow up and live on my own, not be adopted."

Jess smiled, her beautiful face lit with love. "So did I. But it was different for us. We felt secure and loved at that age. Matilda has spent her whole life being treated badly. She doesn't have the confidence to imagine being alone. All she wants is a family to love her and Cal seemed to offer that."

"But why did she run off then?" asked Olivia. "If she doesn't love Cal, why was it a problem that isn't interested in dating her?"

Dixie hesitated. "We can't know exactly what was in Matilda's mind. She's vulnerable and very scared. She could easily misinterpret something. But … did you spell out exactly what happened between her and Cal? Or did you just say you'd been through it too?"

Olivia looked uncomfortable. "I suppose I didn't say say straight out what I meant. I didn't want to embarrass her and I thought she'd know."

"Matilda thought Cal wanted to adopt her," said Dixie. "She might have thought you meant he wanted to adopt you too."

"Why does he want to adopt her?" asked Olivia. "Because he met her and liked her? Or is there more to it than that?"

"Quite a lot more," admitted Dixie.

* * *

As soon as his patient had been sent upstairs, Dylan K tried Connor again. He could guess where he was and he could understand why, but the fact was, he was needed down here in the ED.

"Connor," said Dylan K when the registrar answered. "I'm not going to ask where you are. I know you're with Ella and I accept she's going through a very difficult time, but she's not in a life-threatening situation. We have patients here who are and we're already four doctors down, including Ella."

"I'm sorry, Dylan," said Connor. "But we've got a situation up here."

"Then let the doctors up there deal with it," said Dylan K.

"It's a bit more... delicate than that. "I took Ella up to see her dad, but she says it's not him."

"And is it?" said Dylan K bluntly.

There was a pause. "I don't know," said Connor. "I mean, I treated him. I got his heart going. It looks like the same guy. And one of the doctors up here says he knows him. But I think Ella would know her own dad..."

Dylan K wasn't sure what to do. On the one hand, the ED needed Connor and if there were concerns about Ella's mental state, there were people upstairs who could contact the psych team just as easily as Connor could.

On the other hand, Connor was clearly worried about Ella, and Dylan K didn't want any doctors on his team who weren't 100%.

Dylan K had to decide. He had to make a choice.

* * *

Max handed drinks to Ariana and Matilda and smiled at them both. "Okay. I'll give you girls some space to talk about boys, but if you need anything, you know where I am, okay?"

They both nodded, but Max didn't miss the wary expression on Matilda's face. He'd been expecting her to be upset: Ariana had said as much, but he couldn't help feeling something was different. Something had changed on the journey home. She'd been upset before, but now she was scared too.

He went downstairs again, wondering what to do. If Zoe was here, he could have asked her, but she was working. He should probably phone Dixie back, but he couldn't imagine what Dixie would want with him. Since her return from the West Country with her family, their meetings were mostly centred around Ariana's suicide attempts. They'd had a lot of conversations on personal matters, but Max wouldn't have said they were friends.

He picked up his phone but them impatiently threw it aside. It was the last thing he wanted to be bothered with now. Dixie would phone back if it was important. For now, Ariana was stable and happy.

Whatever Dixie wanted to talk about, it probably didn't matter very much.

But whatever Matilda wanted to talk about obviously did.

* * *

The door opened and Ethan almost levitated out of his seat. Cal quickly stood up too and put his arms around his brother, supporting him. He was terrified of what Zoe might be about to tell them, but one fact was fixed in his mind, even amidst his terror.

Ethan had jumped out of his seat, but he hadn't stumbled.

"How is she?" said Ethan desperately.

"Why don't you sit down?" said Zoe gently.

Ethan started to tremble. "You mean there's something wrong? She's lost the baby, hasn't she? It's all my fault. I should have been more careful! No wonder she hates me."

"Ethan." Cal turned Ethan to face him, his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "Zoe hasn't said anything yet. Just sit down like she said and listen."

The calmness in his voice – a calmness he wasn't feeling – seemed to get through to Ethan. He sat down. Cal kept his arm around him. He could feel Ethan shaking.

Zoe sat on Ethan's other side. "The pregnancy is viable as it stands. We think Lily's body might be trying to miscarry the baby, but with all the research that's been done in the last fifteen years, there is a chance we might be able to prevent it. You know the obstetrics team will do all they can. They're on their way now."

"Can I see her?" asked Ethan tremulously.

"Of course you can," said Zoe. She put her hand on Ethan's arm. "She's asking for you."


	67. Chapter 67

**Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you're on Louise's side - I think she's being unusually restrained considering what Honey's like! Fifteen years ago, I think Louise would have talked herself into a divorce by now. I don't think I'd dare make Lofty chauvinistic! If I ever do, it's an accident. I'm sure Ethan and Lily appreciate the good karma - they really need some! Thank you for your review.

 **is-there-somwhere-x** , I've so enjoyed thinking about possible medical advances. I hope everything I've thought of will happen, though a reliable cure for Huntington's would be even better. I hope Casualty is still going in 30 years! Jess and Dixie are ideal foster parents for Matilda. I'm sure they're worried, but they know how to stay calm in a crisis and they're not going to be angry when Matilda eventually does get home. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Babies can bring couples back together so it might be a really positive thing for Ethan and Lily, even though they'll be worried about the baby inheriting the gene. I think Matilda will find it easier to trust Jess and Dixie now - it's so difficult to trust anyone when you're expecting a negative reaction, and when/if Matilda goes back to them, she'll see how accepting and understanding they are.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Thank you also for what you said about Ariana - I appreciate it. Even my psychiatrist (whom I respect very much) has quite a negative view of BPD. I suppose mental health professionals often only see people at their worst. I think Dylan will always be very accepting of everyone, but Luke is a lot more special to her than most. Just one problem with resurrection is that there would be a lot less point in having an ED!

* * *

Cal could see Ethan was nervous. He stopped outside the cubicle and looked up at Cal, once more a little boy who needed the reassurance of his big brother.

Cal put his arm around him. He said nothing, but Ethan relaxed slightly. He stayed close to Cal as Zoe held open the curtain for them.

Lily looked weak and ill, but some of the life seemed to return to her when she saw Ethan. She slowly lifted her armst, her expression pleading.

Ethan didn't hesitate. He ran to her side and hugged her tightly. They clung and cried and didn't let go.

Cal felt a bit teary too, but he hoped no-one would notice.

"I'm sorry, Ethan," sobbed Lily. "I'm so sorry."

"Sweetheart, it's me who should be apologising," wept Ethan. "I promised you I would never put you in that position and I broke my promise. I'm more sorry than I can say and if this baby has Huntington's, I'll never forgive myself and I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't blame you at all for leaving me and I'm so lucky you even spoke to me again."

Lily's eyes widened and she pulled back. "You think that's why I left you?"

"Isn't it?" said Ethan.

Lily shook her head.

Ethan stared at her for a moment, then he reached for a tissue. Cal held his breath, hoping Ethan hadn't forgotten about his nosebleed again, but he just wiped his nose before getting another tissue for Lily. Hoarsely, he asked: "Then why did you leave me?"

"I…I…" Lily turned away from Ethan and spent a long time drying her tears. Cal heard Ethan suppress a sob and longed to comfort his brother, but he knew Ethan and Lily needed to sort this out together.

Ethan wiped his nose again and spoke brokenly. "Lily, you don't have to tell me. But you _can_. You can tell me anything."

Lily met his eyes. Softly, she began to speak. "I left you because you gave up the clinical lead job for me. I found the letter." Her voice shook and more tears fell. "I was so proud. they chose me. But that pride was misplaced."

Ethan shook his head. Gently, he wiped Lily's tears. "That wasn't why I gave it up, darling. And you weren't second-best. Connie told me it was almost impossible choosing between us. They even considered appointing joint clinical leads, but that wouldn't work with the pay structure and one of us would have had to make the final decision. They eventually chose me on experience, but they could so easily have chosen you."

Lily gazed at him wonderingly. "They wanted us both?"

Ethan nodded. "And I didn't give up the job for you. I didn't allow that to become a factor in my decision because I knew you'd hate it. "

Lily looked at Ethan for a moment, then she slowly leaned forward. Her lips touched Ethan's. "I love you."

Ethan's voice shook. "I love you too, my darling."

Lily kissed him again, then she pulled away, a curious look on her face. "Why did you turn down the job, Ethan?"

"Because of the Huntington's," said Ethan.

* * *

Dylan K looked impatiently at Zoe. "Yes? What is it?"

"Where is everyone?" said Zoe.

"I-"

"We're dropping like flies in this place, Dylan! It's not good enough. I get that Ella has to be with Ash. I get that Ethan has to be with Lily. But where's Connor? We need him _here_."

"He's supporting Ella," said Dylan K tiredly. "Ella thinks the patient we treated isn't Ash."

Zoe did a double-take. "It isn't Ash? Then she can get down here too. If it's not her dad, where's the problem?"

"Connor's concerned about Ella's mental state," said Dylan K.

"And Connor knows better than Ella who her dad is, does he?" said Zoe. "Dylan, I know this is tough for you. I know you hate being in charge and I sympathise. But we can't manage without Connor. If Ella needs support, she must have friends or family. Call Connor and tell him to get down here now. I'll find Cal and tell him to get some scrubs on."

Dylan K looked hopefully at Zoe. "Cal's here?"

"He brought Lily in," said Zoe. "There's nothing wrong with him as far as I can see. I don't know the story with Ethan and Lily, but you can't take three weeks off work or whatever it's been just because your spouse has left you."

"It is… difficult when your spouse leaves you and you have to work with them."

"Do you think I don't know that?" said Zoe. "Are you going to call Connor or not?"

* * *

Rita stroked Alfie's arm. "You did the right thing, you know."

"I told the police my mate might have hacked into the hospital computer system!" said Alfie. "How is that right?"

Rita spoke gently. "You didn't say that. The policewoman asked if there was anyone you knew who would be capable of that. You said your mate Charlie was probably the best in the school, but you didn't think he'd ever hacked into anywhere."

"But I mentioned his name!" said Alfie. His hands were in his hair, but instead of smoothing it and putting it into place as he usually did, he was making it look more like a bird's nest. "I mentioned his name to the police! And…" He stopped.

Tension crept into Rita's shoulders. "And?"

"I lied," said Alfie.

Rita closed her eyes. "Oh, Alfie. Why?"

"Because it wasn't relevant, okay?" said Alfie. "He doesn't do it in a malicious way. It's just to see if he can. But if the police get hold of his computer, they'll go into his history and they'll find out."

"But they'll also see he hasn't hacked into the hospital," said Rita.

"But what if he has?" said Alfie.

* * *

Matilda didn't know why she was still here. It wasn't safe. Dixie might phone Max again. She had to go.

But she didn't know where. She couldn't go to Lottie's. She couldn't go to Dylan's.

She definitely couldn't go to Cal's.

"Tilly, you're shaking," said Ariana anxiously. "Are you having a panic attack?"

"I… I've got to get out of here," mumbled Matilda. "Not because of you. Because of your dad."

Ariana stared at her. "My dad's not going to hurt you. He's lovely!"

"I know, but Dixie phoned him," said Matilda. "Dixie's fostering me, but Dixie's daughter Olivia told me Cal wanted to adopt her too. He's probably been trying to adopt girls for years. He just wants a kid, but he hasn't met anyone special."

"Poor Cal!" said Ariana.

"I thought I was special," said Matilda, her eyes filling with tears. "He said he loved me. I… I've got to go, Ariana. I'm sorry. I can't stay here."

* * *

Robyn cradled her bump: the sixth baby she and Lofty had created together. A baby she'd believed they would bring up together.

There was resignation in Lofty's eyes. "What happened, Robyn?"

"I met him in town," said Robyn. "I was struggling to control the kids. He helped. He noticed I was upset so he took us all to a café, then he gave us a lift home."

"And then what?" said Lofty expressionlessly. "You exchanged numbers?"

Robyn shook her head. "I wasn't expecting to see him again. But then he showed up on the doorstep, saying he was going down to the lake and he was wondering if the kids would fancy it. I could never have taken them on my own. It's a struggle taking them anywhere."

"I thought Zoe said she'd help out," said Lofty.

"Zoe's back at the ED," said Robyn. "She's officially just a locum, but I can't see her going anywhere now she's back."

Lofty sighed. "I had no idea you were struggling so much. I always thought you were some sort of supermum."

"I could cope with _three_ kids," said Robyn, stung. "I even managed with three kids when I was expecting the twins. But now I have two babies to carry; three other young children…"

A stricken look came to Lofty's face. "I'm sorry. I should have realised. I should have taken paternity leave; arranged for someone to come and help…"

"It's not your fault," said Robyn. "I didn't tell you I was struggling. Then Louis was there and he wanted to help. The kids love him."

Lofty's voice was full of pain. "But do you love him, Robyn?"

* * *

Dylan found Luke standing at the end of a corridor, staring out of the window. She guessed he'd come to the end of the corridor and discovered there was nowhere else to go. She stopped walking and closed her eyes for a moment, letting the relief wash over her.

She'd found him. He was safe.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" she burst out. She ran over and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry. I thought your mum meant something else. I don't care if you're not completely biologically male. You're still you and I love you."

"You… _love_ me?" The look on Luke's face might have made her smile if she hadn't been so terrified of what he might say next.

She swallowed. "I didn't exactly mean to say that, but now the cat's out of the bag, it seems a bit silly to deny it."

Luke took her hand in his. "I love you too, Dylan. You're beautiful, intelligent, kind, understanding, _accepting_ …"

Dylan felt herself trembling. No-one had ever told her she was beautiful before. Not a boy. And he loved her...

She trembled even more when Luke kissed her.

* * *

David and Louise still hadn't come back, but Alicia didn't mind. She needed to think. About Lily. About herself. About how she felt.

If Lily lost her baby, Alicia would be gutted for her and Ethan. Of course she would be. They were her friends.

But they had three children already. True, they'd lost their first child, Emilie, only a month or so after her birth, and that had been devastating for both of them. Alicia had been devastated too, but she'd supported and encouraged them and eventually they'd tried again. Daisy had survived. So had Caleb and Alice.

But meanwhile, Alicia was still childless. She and Sam had tried, but the babies hadn't come. She had a stepson, but that wasn't the same.

Tears filled her eyes. She knew she shouldn't be thinking of herself now. Lily was still in danger of miscarrying and even if the pregnancy continued, there were so many things that could go wrong.

But Alicia had never even been pregnant and she wanted a baby. She wanted to be a mum.

She jabbed at her phone and immediately heard the sound of ringing.

"Hey, you okay?" said Sam. "I was wondering where you were."

"Come and get me!" begged Alicia. "I can't do this, Sam. Please come and get me."


	68. Chapter 68

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think it will make a difference to Tilly if she found out the history of her relationship with Cal, though there's no official proof she's Cal's Tilly. I think Lily and Ethan are finally realising how much they need each other. Robyn and Lofty have problems, but at least they're talking.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , when Ethan talked about naming his first child Emilie, I'd already named his first daughter Daisy. I didn't want to ignore Emilie as Ethan really came to love her in the end. Surrogacy is an option for Alicia. She really wants her own child, but I think any child can become your own. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Dylan and Luke might be kids, but they're showing more maturity in their relationship than most of the adults! I can imagine Robyn and Lofty wanting lots of kids, but maybe they should have spaced them out a bit more! I'm glad the 'supermum' part came across as naive and not derogatory. It is possible Lily and Ethan's next scene will be quite emotional... Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , that's true - Lily might think Ethan should have taken the job anyway! She might think it shows a lack of ambition, but she might think it was sensible, under the circumstances. Matilda must feel very alone - she's very introverted so she might not have any other close friends. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you liked the chapter. I'm glad you think Dylan and Luke are cute. I agree Alicia would make a great mum - I'm sure she's a great stepmum, but she tries to be Charlie's friend rather than a replacement for his mum. I'm sorry I've deprived you of Ethan and Lily. You're not the only person who's disappointed about that. I won't split them up again, though there both upset and stressed so there might be a few sharp words.

 **is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I wish I'd got Ethan and Lily back earlier now as a lot of people are very happy about it! When I started writing it, I didn't know Ethan had Huntington's so the split was the whole focus of their story, but the Huntington's storyline will continue even if they are the happiest couple ever.

* * *

Alicia paced up and down outside the hospital. Where was he? Why was he taking so long?

At last, she saw Sam's car approaching the ED and she hurried over to it and got in. Sam took her hand and gave her a kiss. "You want to go straight home or would you rather have a chat first?"

"Chat," said Alicia as she tried to fight back tears. She waited until Sam had driven around the corner and parked the car. "Sam, I want a baby!"

Sam stared at her for a moment, then he put his arms around her. "Okay. We can try again."

Alicia was crying now. "It won't do any good! We've tried so many times already."

Sam kissed her head. "We were probably just unlucky, babe. I think it can be quite scientific. We just need to work out the best time."

"No, we can't!" Alicia tried to bring her sobs under control. "There's something wrong with me, Sam."

"Alicia, there's _nothing_ wrong with you. You're great and I love you. And you're a brilliant stepmum."

"But I want to be a _mum_ ," wept Alicia. "And now Lily's having her fourth… well, fifth, and I feel so jealous. My _best friend_ is lying in a hospital bed, terrified she might lose her baby and I'm _jealous_ , Sam! What kind of friend am I?"

* * *

Lily watched in distress as Ethan's eyes filled with tears again. _Oh, Ethan… you were suffering and I made it worse._

She caught his hand in hers and looked into his eyes. "Ethan, I love you. Whatever's happening now; whatever's going to happen in the future, I'm here. Okay?"

Ethan's voice was shaky but determined. "I know you are and I love you so much. More than I can say." His tears escaped; he wiped them away and sniffed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth about the clinical lead job."

"It is understandable that you would find that difficult to talk about," said Lily. "I'm sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion and leaving you."

Ethan kissed her forehead. "Darling, you'd found out something that changed the entire meaning of your existence. It's always been important to you to work hard and earn your rewards so it upset you to feel you'd been given something you didn't deserve - and that I was responsible," He held her face in his hands. "But you did deserve it, Lily. You're a wonderful clinical lead. Much better than I would have been. And I'm so proud of you."

"Oh, Ethan." Lily tried to blink back more tears. "I love you. But please. Promise me. If you're ever worried about symptoms, you'll tell me? I want to be here for you."

"I promise," said Ethan. He gazed into her eyes. "I don't want to upset or worry you, but we're married and I… I can't do this without you."

"You will never have to," promised Lily. She stroked his cheek and placed a small kiss on his lips.

Ethan held her hand tightly. "I love you, Lily. So much. And we need to think about you and the baby now. Whatever happens, I'm here and I'm going to support you and love you and do everything I can to be a good husband and father while I still can be."

His voice shook and his eyes filled again. Lily spoke as firmly as she could. "Ethan. Ethan, look at me."

Ethan lifted his head. His tears overflowed.

"You are a wonderful husband and father and you always will be," said Lily fiercely. "I know you will always love us and do your best for us."

"But when the symptoms start, it might change my behaviour," said Ethan, as more tears fell. "I... I might not behave as though I love you."

"But you will love us," said Lily. "Nothing will change that."

"Yes. Yes, I will." Ethan sniffed and got another tissue. "I'm so sorry, darling. We should be talking about you."

"It's okay, Ethan," said Lily, and it was. "It's always okay."

* * *

Lofty watched as shock came into Robyn's face.

"Do you really think I'd… no, of course I don't love him! I'm not even sure I like him. I mean, he's lovely and helpful and great with the kids, but if he's coming between us in any way…"

"He's never made any… suggestions to you?" said Lofty.

Robyn shook his head. "No. Or if he did, I completely misinterpreted him. He has kissed me on the cheek once or twice, but it really did seem friendly and once he'd kissed the kids, it probably seemed a bit odd to leave me out."

Lofty's hands clenched into fists. "He _kissed_ our kids!"

"Um… yes, he did," said Robyn guiltily. "I didn't really think anything of it. Some people are really affectionate and they kiss everyone. But I suppose it is a bit odd."

"And you've got no idea what his surname is?" said Lofty. "Do you know anything about him at all?"

"I know he lost his father quite recently," said Robyn. "He said he nursed him. And he must have been a patient at the hospital because he recognised me. It must have been from ages ago because he didn't know we were married."

A warning bell was ringing somewhere in Lofty's mind. Louis… that was name was familiar. Too familiar. And the Louis who came to his mind had recently lost his father, though Lofty had been of the impression that Louis had done nothing for him.

"Robyn … could he be Louis Fairhead?"

* * *

Cal couldn't felt feeling a little emotional as he walked behind Ethan and Lily. Lily was in a wheelchair and Ethan was walking beside her, holding her hand and speaking softly and lovingly. His eyes were red from weeping, but he was completely calm as he comforted his wife.

Seeing them back together brought tears to Cal's eyes and he decided to distract himself by looking at his phone. He knew he'd had a number of phone calls and texts since finding Lily, but he'd rejected the calls and ignored the texts because he had more important things to consider.

He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked through the texts. The latest was from Alicia, saying she was sorry but she needed to go home. Cal was surprised, but Alicia had her own life and Lily had Ethan. There was also a text from Jack asking if it was true that Daisy was allowed to stay up till midnight in the school holidays (that made Cal laugh: he remembered making the same claim to various babysitters). And a missed call and a text from Dixie.

 _Cal, please call me as soon as you get this. It's very important._

Cal couldn't think what Dixie might want to talk to him about, but he decided he'd better call her. "I'll catch you up," he told Ethan and Lily, who seemed too wrapped up in each other to hear. Cal smiled before the sense of foreboding returned. He pressed the button to return Dixie's call.

"Cal, thanks for calling back."

"No problem: what can I do for you?"

Dixie paused. "I shouldn't really be calling you, but… I don't suppose Matilda's with you?"

* * *

"We should go back," said Dylan, once she'd resurfaced from a kiss that left her dizzy.

"Home, you mean?" said Luke.

"Back to your mum first," said Dylan. Even though she'd let go of Luke, she felt shaky. As they started walking, she reached across her body and surreptitiously tried to take her pulse.

"Are you okay?" said Luke.

Dylan nodded, but she wasn't sure. The corridor was starting to swim. She stopped.

Luke looked anxious. "Dylan, what's wrong? Maybe you should sit down."

Dylan, registering that this was a sensible suggestion, sank to the floor, her back against the wall, but the dizziness didn't abate.

"Dylan?" said Luke anxiously.

The corridor seemed to be getting darker. Luke's voice seemed to be getting louder. He sounded scared. "What do I do, Dylan? Tell me: what do I do?"

"We're in a hospital..." mumbled Dylan.

Quite suddenly, Luke's voice became soft and calm. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. You're right. We're in a hospital. I'm going to call for help and then you'll be okay."

"Good idea," murmured Dylan as darkness descended.

* * *

Dylan K tried to keep his voice firm but calm. "Connor, I do sympathise, but we need you to get back to work."

"But I can't!" said Connor. "I'm sorry, Dr Keogh. My job is important, but so are my friends and Ella needs me."

"I don't see how she can possibly need you if the accident victim isn't her father," said Dylan K.

"Well, it's not necessarily…" Connor didn't finish the sentence. Dylan K guessed Ella was nearby.

"So, you think it is him," said Dylan K. "You've never met him and he's _Ella's_ father, but you clearly know best."

"Okay, I don't _know_ ," said Connor. "But either way, Ella needs my support."

"No. Ella _doesn't_ need your support," said Dylan K. "The hospital needs your support. I expect you back at work in five minutes."

"No," said Connor quietly.

* * *

Matilda kept running. She knew Ariana hadn't followed her, but that might mean she was talking to Max. She dodged around corners till she found herself in unfamiliar streets. She was breathing hard and she had a stitch, but she couldn't stop. She couldn't let Max find her.

But soon, the pain was too much. Matilda leaned against a gateway and tried to get her breath back. As she did so, she realised she was crying.

She wanted Cal. She needed him.

Matilda started moving again, but more slowly. She was aware of someone coming towards her. Matilda stood, paralysed with fear, but she quickly realised it wasn't Dixie or Max. Matilda had no idea who she was, but she reminded her of someone.

The woman stopped beside her. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Her kindness made Matilda cry even more. "Nothing. I'm okay."

The woman gave her a tissue. "I've got time if you want to talk about it. What's your name?"

"I'm Matilda," whispered Matilda as she wiped her nose. "Matilda… Knight."

"That's a beautiful name. My name's Taylor." Taylor put her hand on Matilda's arm. "And I'm going to look after you, Matilda. Don't worry. How about we go back to my place and have a chat?"


	69. Chapter 69

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It is difficult to think of any good coming from Matilda's meeting with Taylor. There's no Lofty in this chapter, but he has definite reasons to be concerned about Louis. You're right that Dixie shouldn't have called Cal - if the police find out, that could mean Matilda can't stay with her.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Taylor doesn't do anything without a reason and it's usually not a very good reason, so you could be right! Cal is already at the hospital, but he'll have to choose between his brother and his daughter - though as you say, at least Ethan and Lily have each other. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm not sure how I feel about Connor's choice either - I love him for being such a good friend, but he's in the hospital as a doctor, so I'm not sure! Cal has a cute face now so it wouldn't surprise me if he'd always had one! I think the name Louis Fairhead would make a lot of people see red. Thank you for your review.

 **xMissWhitneyBexx** , I've known a few fifteen-year-olds who have done this sort of thing. Even though Matilda is reasonably sensible, she's in a terrible mess emotionally and is desperately looking for someone she can actually trust - and a con-artist like Taylor knows how to make people trust her. Thank you for your review.

 **is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the timing of Ethan and Lily's reunion. The long separation did mean I could write something extra-emotional for two characters who probably hold back in public as a rule. I'm glad Alicia comes across as a good friend despite leaving Lily.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I don't think anyone is glad to see Taylor! Dylan is very strong, but even she has limits. I agree Alicia would be a great mum and I think she'd love having a daughter. I love that idea so much! Sam is Sam Bateman, Tess' son. He and his son Charlie appeared in Tess' last episode. It is very confusing as I think there have been at least three other major characters called Sam.

 **ETWentHome** , I think Lily and Ethan usually do understand each other pretty well, but they both struggle sometimes with finding the right words to admit what's wrong and asking for help. Luckily they've managed it now as they do really need each other. Let's hope Taylor won't abandon Matilda again. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Matilda was impressed when she saw the large and beautiful house Taylor lived in, but as soon as the door was unlocked, Taylor led her to a small room on the ground floor.

"I'm sorry, Matilda. It's not much. I've… I've had a few problems with money and this room was cheap to rent."

Matilda sensed her embarrassment and hastened to reassure her. "No, I think it's lovely."

"Sit down," said Taylor, leading Matilda to the only armchair in the room. She bent down to her level, taking Matilda's hands in hers. "Don't worry, Matilda. You're safe now. No-one's going to hurt you. You're on the run, aren't you?"

Matilda hadn't thought of it like that. "Yes. I suppose I am."

"I know how horrible that is," said Taylor, almost to herself.

Matilda looked up at her new friend curiously but said nothing.

Taylor smiled and squeezed Matilda's hands before letting go. "How about I get us both a drink and then you can tell me everything from the beginning."

* * *

Dylan hated to admit it even to herself, but she was glad to be in bed. Adrenaline had kept her on her feet when Luke had needed her, but now she felt terrible.

"Is there any possibility you might be pregnant?" asked the junior doctor who was looking after her.

"Absolutely none whatsoever," said Dylan. She smiled slightly despite the pain. "I am only fifteen."

The doctor looked surprised. "Oh. I didn't realise."

"I did give you my date of birth," Dylan reminded him.

"Yes… but you look so much older…"

"Then it's a good thing I'm fifteen and not twenty-five, isn't it?" said Dylan. "Or I wouldn't be nearly as pleased."

The doctor looked awkward. "Forgive me for asking this again, but there's no need to be embarrassed. We won't judge you – and we won't tell your mother if you take a pregnancy test and it comes out negative. A lot of fifteen-year-olds are having sex."

"I don't know about lots," said Dylan. "All I can be sure about is that a lot of fifteen-year-olds claim to be having sex and that's not the same thing at all."

Luke smiled slightly when she said that. Dylan was glad. He'd looked so worried about her.

"Point taken." The doctor was smiling too. "But you are clearly in a committed and loving relationship."

"That doesn't mean we're breaking the law," said Dylan.

Luke spoke softly. "Dylan isn't pregnant. Please stop asking her that. We haven't and we… can't."

"I think it's time to move on and ask me something else," said Dylan. "For example, whether I've had any recent surgery. The answer to that is yes: I had a very recent appendectomy. You could follow that up by asking if there are any problems with the wound and the answer is that I was admitted to Holby City Hospital after suffering a wound infection. After that, you'll probably want to ask what I thought I was doing rushing around London instead of resting like a sensible person and the answer is because Luke needed my support."

The doctor smiled. "Okay. If you've got the guts to tell me how to do my job, I'm sure you'd have no problems with saying if you're sexually active. So, what do you think I should do next?"

"I think you should examine my wound, of course," said Dylan.

* * *

David stroked Louise's hair as she cried into his chest. There were a lot of things he could have said, but he knew it wasn't the time. Louise needed to release her emotions and know that he was here. That was all that mattered for now.

When Louise stopped crying, he passed her a tissue but continued to be silent. He sensed that Louise would talk when she was ready. Some people needed to be encouraged to confide in him, but not Louise.

"What am I going to do?" said Louise as she crumpled the tissue in her fist.

"What happened?" said David gently.

"Noel's daughter Honey has left her husband and moved in with us," said Louise.

David nodded understandingly. He didn't doubt that it would be a difficult situation.

"I don't mind that she came," said Louise. "It would have been nice if she'd given us a bit more notice, but the problem is the way she behaves."

She stopped and David waited. He stroked her arm gently, ready to remove it at once if Louise showed signs of discomfort, but she didn't.

"She's just… she makes me feel bad," said Louise. "She's always having little jabs at me. In front of Noel too, but she does it with the sweetest smile on her face. Maybe I shouldn't let it bother me, but it hurts."

David nodded. He saw Louise's expectant look and knew he should speak this time. "Little jabs are always hurtful. Especially when you're the only one who can feel them."

To his relief, Louise seemed happy with his comment. "And there's nothing I can do. If I object, I'm the bad guy. Especially as Honey can cry at the drop of a hat. Then Noel gets annoyed with me."

"But the only other option is to keep quiet and keep your feelings hidden. But that's painful too."

"I try to be nice," said Louise. "All day, I've been trying so hard to be a nice person, but I can't do it, David. It's so hard. And I just think… I must be so horrible!" Her eyes filled again.

David patted her arm. "Louise, I think doing anything, including being nice to people, when you're feeling this unhappy is always going to be very hard. To be nice, you need to concentrate on the situation in order to understand what's needed. That takes mental energy and you need most of yours to fight back your unhappiness."

Louise looked at him in surprise. "Do you think so?"

"Unhappiness can make it hard to do anything," said David. He paused. "Even talking."

"So, when you first came here, you were unhappy?" said Louise.

David hesitated, then nodded.

Louise lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry I made it worse."

David smiled. "You wouldn't have said that if you weren't a nice person."

* * *

Iain groaned aloud. "He didn't."

"He did," said Rita seriously. "And I understand why. Charlie's his mate and he wants to support him." She looked uncertainly at Iain. "Iain, do you think we have to tell the police?"

"Well..."

Rita's eyes flashed. "I don't want my son to be punished for being a good mate, Iain."

"No, me neither," said Iain. He thought for a moment, hugging Rita closer to him and feeling instantly comforted. "We should tell the police really. They said to get in touch if we thought of anything else and if we know the police have misinformation..."

Rita sighed. "I know you're right, Iain. I just don't like it."

Her obvious unhappiness spurred Iain on to think harder. "Actually, maybe we don't need to tell them."

"But wouldn't that affect the investigation?"

"I'm not sure it would," said Iain. "They're probably going to check Charlie's computer anyway. Not because they doubt Alfie's word but because Charlie won't necessarily tell Alfie everything he does. If they find out Charlie's been hacking into places, that won't prove Alfie lied."

A sliver of hope came into Rita's eyes. "So we could just say nothing on the grounds they'll find out anyway?"

Iain nodded. It was a risk and it didn't feel right - but a lot more right than hauling his son back to the police station would have done. "Don't you think, if we do tell them, it will just create extra work for the police and distract them from the real problem?"

"Yes! Yes, it will," said Rita in relief. "You're right. They won't want us complicating matters. It's much better to keep things as simple as we can."

* * *

Cal was trembling. For a moment, his throat felt frozen, but he knew he had to say something. "You're fostering Matilda?"

"Yeah," said Dixie quietly. "I shouldn't have told you really, but I wanted to check with you before I phoned the police."

"Well, she's not with me!" said Cal. He was breathing hard. "I haven't seen her; heard from her… nothing since they took her away from me, even though I never did anything except love her!"

"I'm sorry, Cal," said Dixie. "It's not fair. But I'm sure it won't take the police long to realise she's safe and happy with you. In the meantime, you know I'll do everything I can for Matilda."

Anger burst from Cal. "You haven't done much for her so far! She hasn't been with you five minutes and you've lost her!"

Dixie's voice remained calm. "Jess and I thought she was with Olivia and Olivia thought she was with us."

"Why did she leave? What did you said to her?"

"She left because she misinterpreted something Olivia said," said Dixie.

"Oh God! How could you let that happen? Poor Matilda: she's all alone out there!" Cal's voice broke. "Oh God… what if she _isn't_ alone? I've got to go and look for her!"

"No, Cal: that's a job for the police," said Dixie. "If you go looking for her, you and Matilda could both get into trouble. She's our responsibility now."

"You seriously think I'd let you be responsible for her when you lost her?" shouted Cal. "You stay away from her, Dixie. Stay right away!

* * *

Dylan K put the phone to his ear without looking to see who it was. "Connor?"

"It's Luke."

Dylan K was even more relieved. "Luke, is everything okay? Where are you?"

"We're at the hospital with Mum," said Luke. "I'm fine, but Dylan…"

Panic rose. "What's wrong with Dylan?"

"She's been admitted. Her infection got worse; they want to keep her overnight. And… I'd like to stay too."

"No, Luke, I don't really think…" Dylan K stopped. "No. No, you're right. You should stay with Dylan."

There was a silence. "Really?" said Luke in a soft voice.

"Yes. Really," said Dylan K. He knew he wouldn't be able to get up there until he was off-duty and he hated the idea of Dylan being alone. "I think that's for the best."

There was another silence. "You don't want me back then," said Luke.

* * *

Max was halfway through a beer when his phone rang. He looked at it: Dixie again. He sighed and answered the phone. "Hey, Dix."

Dixie sounded agitated. "Max, I don't suppose Matilda's with you?"

"Yeah, she is," said Max. "She's upstairs with Ariana. She did seem a bit upset."

"Oh, thank God," said Dixie in relief, before adding: "We're fostering Matilda. There was a bit of a misunderstanding between Matilda and my daughter."

Max hesitated. He wanted Matilda to feel safe in his house; to feel that she could come and see him, Ariana and Zoe anytime. "How about I tell her you called and it was a misunderstanding?"

Dixie hesitated. "Okay. Yeah. We can start off like that and see how it goes. I'd really like her back before bedtime, but if she wants to stay with you and Ariana for a bit..."

"I'll go and speak to her now," promised Max.


	70. Chapter 70

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I hope you'll like the conversation between Tilly and Taylor. I think Cal has had a few other good storylines (Taylor, feeling like a waste of space, Ethan's accident), but the writers don't always take storylines as far as they can. I hope they'll bring back the Huntington's storyline soon. Max could be in trouble with a few people! I'm so happy you like Dylan. I thought everyone would find her a bit annoying!

 **Tanith Panic** , I really am happy you find the situation with Matilda and Taylor believable. When Cal gets wound up, he says all sorts of things he'll regret later, but I think Dixie would understand. I'm glad Louise is coming over in a positive way. I love being able to include David in this story - he's really lovely and I was running out of medical staff! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I hope you'll like this one too.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your reviews. There is still a lot that could go wrong for Lily - I'm glad you're finding the storyline involving. Lofty can be very supportive, but that doesn't help when he can't see Robyn is struggling! Dixie shouldn't have told Cal, but she thought that was the most likely place for Matilda to be.

 **Applealice10** , I doubt you're the only person who wants to punch Taylor in the face. It takes a lot for Dylan K to care, but when he does care about someone, he goes out of his way to help them - we've seen it recently with Zoe, Lofty and Rihanna. He was also the only one who objected to the way Iain spoke to Rita. I take it as a compliment that you care enough to want to know who Sam is! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I can imagine that Taylor might always have regretted leaving Matilda. If she really didn't care, she wouldn't have sought out Cal and risked meeting Ethan again. She could have left her in the hospital where she was born or taken her to the ED and left her in the waiting room.

* * *

Ariana opened her bedroom door. She was crying. "Dad!"

"Hey, what is it?" Max hugged her tightly.

"Tilly's gone," wept Ariana. "It's my fault!"

Max felt himself beginning to panic, but he tried not to show it. "What happened?"

"I didn't want her to go, but she was scared you'd send her back to Dixie," sobbed Ariana. "I let her go so she wouldn't be scared anymore, but I should have gone with her!"

Max guided Ariana into her room and sat beside her, hugging her close to him. "You haven't done anything wrong. You were just trying help Tilly by giving her what she wanted. Do you have any idea where she's gone?"

"She didn't tell me anything," said Ariana. "That's the truth, Dad. Please believe me."

"Of course I believe you," said Max.

* * *

Dylan held Luke's hand tightly. "Of course he wants you to come home Luke."

"Then why would he say that?" said Luke.

Dylan stroked his hand. "I'm sure all he meant was that he didn't want me to stay here on my own. My mum won't be here for a while."

Luke didn't look convinced. "What if he didn't mean that, though?"

"Luke, I'm sure he's proud of what you've done today," said Dylan. "I don't see how Dylan would be anything but proud. You've been wonderful."

"But I've made so much trouble for him."

"Of course you have," said Dylan. "You're a teenager. No matter how good our intentions are, we're full of raging hormones. Most of us end up causing trouble sooner or later."

Luke sighed. "I bet you never cause trouble."

Dylan started to laugh. "Luke. I'm the girl who went charging across the country after an appendectomy and now I can't go home because I've ended up back in hospital! I've definitely caused trouble today."

"I'm sorry I made you come with me," said Luke. "It was selfish of me."

"You didn't make me do anything," said Dylan. "It was my decision. I do feel guilty for worrying my mum, but I don't regret coming here at all."

* * *

Matilda felt Taylor's arms going around her. For a moment, she stiffened, unused to being hugged by an adult woman, but then she realised she liked it.

"Poor Matilda," said Taylor. "I'm sorry you've been through so much. If only your mother hadn't given you away… but perhaps she had no choice. She could have been desperate and alone, just like you are now."

Matilda felt herself relaxing into Taylor's arms.

"Can I tell you something?" asked Taylor.

"Of course," said Matilda, happy to change the subject and eager to know more about the lady who'd rescued her.

"About sixteen years ago, I met a man," said Taylor. "I loved him very much. I had so many problems, but he was there for me. I was having financial difficulties and I asked my boyfriend if he knew if I was eligible for any financial help. Instead of contacting organisations, he gave me a gift of £15,000. I didn't want to accept it but he insisted. We were going to get married so I told myself that in a way, it was my money."

Matilda saw the uncertainty in Taylor's eyes and found herself trying to comfort her. "Of course it was your money. If your boyfriend gives you money, then it's yours."

Taylor smiled. "Thank you, Matilda. If the money had really come from him, perhaps it would have been mine – but the money belonged to his brother. He let my boyfriend have it, but then he decided I'd stolen it. He reported me to the police and I was sent to prison for a crime I hadn't committed."

Taylor gave a little sob and Matilda held her more tightly, her own eyes full of tears. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I'm so sorry."

Taylor wiped her eyes. "Whilst in prison, I discovered I was going to have a child. I didn't know what to do. I hadn't heard from my boyfriend and I knew his brother had poisoned his mind against me. I gave birth to my baby: a beautiful little girl. I knew I couldn't let her live in a prison.." Taylor was sobbing. "I know it was wrong, but I wanted to take my little girl to her daddy. I escaped from the hospital and took my daughter to see her daddy. He agreed to speak to me and I was beginning to think everyone would be all right, but then his brother arrived. He said terrible things to me. It was so horrible, Matilda!"

"It sounds so awful!" said Matilda tearfully. "But it's not your fault, Taylor. It's not."

Taylor sniffed. "I wanted to run and take my baby with me, but I was ill after giving birth and I collapsed. My boyfriend and his brother gave me medical care. My boyfriend promised that he would care for our baby until I'd served my sentence and then we would be a family. I was so happy, Matilda. But then I went to sleep – his brother had given me some medication for the infection and I think he must have put something in it to make me sleep – and when I woke up, I was alone. I tried to find my baby, but the police were looking for me by then. I was recaptured and taken back to prison. I never heard from my boyfriend again."

Matilda held Taylor tightly as she sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Taylor. I'm sure your boyfriend loves you, but his brother was really horrible and your boyfriend must have been terrified of him. Have you tried searching for your daughter?"

"I managed to trace my boyfriend," sniffed Taylor." He's not interested in me now, but he's still in his brother's power. They still live together. His brother's married, but he isn't."

"Maybe he was waiting for you," said Matilda.

"Oh, I hope so, Matilda," said Taylor, with more sobs. "But I can't allow myself to believe that. I can't."

Matilda felt more tears falling as she imagined how much pain Taylor must be feeling. To lose the man and the baby you loved… "Is your daughter still with them?"

Taylor shook her head. "They gave my daughter away," she wept. "I'm sure it was his brother's idea. I don't know how to find her. But I think perhaps…" She stopped and looked into Matilda's eyes.

"Yes?" breathed Matilda.

"My little girl is called Matilda," said Taylor. "Her father is called Cal. His brother is Ethan."

* * *

"I'm not sure Alfie would even get into trouble with is Charlie," said Iain. "The police probably wouldn't say who told gave them his name. Charlie does tutoring – he helps students who have trouble with computers – so anyone connected with the school would think of him."

"I wonder if he tutors anyone else," said Rita thoughtfully. "Anyone who doesn't find it a struggle, I mean."

Iain was confused. "Why would be the point in that?"

"There are probably kids who can do all the schoolwork easily but want to do something a bit more advanced," said Rita. "And who better to teach them than Charlie?"

Iain looked at his wife with respect. "That's an idea, that. Who else is good with computers?"

"Well… Ariana's pretty good," admitted Rita. "And her friend Dylan…" She stopped and her eyes met Iain's. "…who happens to be deeply interested in the hospital."

Iain shook his head. "If Dylan wanted to hack into the hospital records, she could work it out for herself."

"Maybe she did," said Rita. "Maybe this is nothing to do with Charlie. Or…" She stopped and turned to Iain, a light in her eyes. "Dylan's mates with our Dylan, isn't she? He's been lending her books and getting her involved in her own treatment. Who's to say he's not letting her help with other people's treatment too?"

* * *

Ella shrunk closer to Connor as the doctor approached. The expression on his face was serious.

"Perhaps we should sit down," the doctor said softly.

"No, just tell me!" burst out Ella.

"Sit down," said Connor gently

Ella let him guide her to a chair, but they were wasting time. "Tell me!"

The doctor sat opposite them. "We have performed the test as requested, Ella. I'm sorry to have to inform you that the patient is your father, Martin Ashford."

* * *

Ethan bent to kiss Lily. "I wish I didn't have to leave you."

"So do I," said Lily. She looked small and vulnerable. "But we must obey the rules."

"I won't be far away," promised Ethan.

"I know," said Lily softly. "I love you, Ethan."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

They kissed again and Ethan very reluctantly left. He was shown to the waiting room, but Cal wasn't there. Ethan pulled out his phone and found a text.

 _Ethan I'm so sorry to leave you now but Matilda's missing. I feel so bad, you're my brother and you need me but Matilda's my little girl. I'm sorry Ethan, I'm always a bad brother when it really counts but I will be there for you and Lily I promise. You know I'm not religious but I'm praying for your baby and mine._

* * *

Zoe watched as Dylan K exited a cubicle, a piece of paper in his hand. He ran his hand down it, muttering to himself. His hand stopped moving and he stared, horrified, at the paper. Before Zoe could speak, he ducked back inside the cubicle and Zoe heard him making anxious enquiries about the patient's diet.

When Dylan K emerged again, Zoe stepped forward and spoke almost inaudibly, not wanting Dylan K's patient to hear. "Are you okay?"

"It's the patient you should be concerned about," muttered Dylan K, scanning his list again.

"If you need to take a break, Dylan, I'm sure Connor could take over."

"Connor's still with Ella."

"What?" Zoe forgot about keeping her voice down. "Didn't you tell him we needed him?"

"I did. He refused to come," said Dylan K.

"He _refused_ to obey an instruction from the clinical lead?"

"Acting clinical lead – and only with the greatest reluctance," said Dylan K.

Zoe's voice rose. "Well, no wonder everyone's ignoring you if that's your-" She stopped. This wasn't helping. "Dylan, why don't you take a break?"

She wasn't sure Dylan K had heard. His eyes were on his list again. "Zoe, does Begonia Avenue back onto the farm?"

"I don't know," said Zoe, a bit impatiently. "Which farm?"

Dylan K returned to the cubicle and asked the same question of the patient. The answer was negative and Dylan K soon appeared again, clearly agitated. "I can't find out what's wrong!"

"Go and have a break. I'll deal with it," said Zoe.

The fact she was able to find the cause of the symptoms in a matter of minutes did nothing to reassure her about Dylan K's mental state.


	71. Chapter 71

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it was a slightly twisted version of the truth, but Taylor came a lot closer to the truth than she usually does! You'll find out Matilda's reaction soon, but it will be a little while before either of them see Cal. Max is usually very kind and understanding in Casualty - I think he'd be a good dad. Thank you for your review.

 **XX-Sammi-XX** , thank you for your review. I know that love/hate feeling! I experience that a lot when I'm watching/reading/writing about Taylor! I think it's lovely that you're swooning over Dylan and Luke! I'm really flattered. I'm glad it's clear how much Cal loves Ethan and Tilly. It's a horrible choice to have to make.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I really like that you're seeing Taylor's point of view - she's doing things in the wrong way (possibly the only way she knows), but maybe she is actually motivated by love for once. Cal really will be devastated if Matilda turns against him, and Ethan might not be able to support him this time.

 **Tanith Panic** , I thought Taylor needed to do something devious... it would be in character and I can imagine her blaming Ethan, even though he possibly saved her life. I think Zoe is terrified by the thought of another doctor not being able to work, but I hope she seems more caring in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm really am so pleased you like Dylan. I just hope you won't go off her over the next few chapters because she is going to struggle a bit. I also like that you want to punch Taylor in the face - I was trying to make her do something awful and your reaction suggests I didn't mess it up! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I agree that Cal would be an excellent father. He's twice been tricked into thinking he had a child (though once only for about half an episode) and both times, he really did everything he could to help the child. He's not exactly a monk, so it wouldn't surprise me if he had a child somewhere! Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Dylan, what's going on?" said Zoe quietly as she sat down beside him in the staff room.

Dylan K sighed. "I upset Luke again. Dylan - you know: the precocious child who's after my job-"

"-who you're actually very fond of," put in Zoe.

"Possibly… she and Luke went to see Luke's mum, who's in hospital in East London. But Dylan's just had an appendectomy and she's been admitted to the same hospital after suffering complications. I told Luke it would be best if he stayed with Dylan and he took it to mean I didn't want him to come home."

Zoe smiled, part-amused, part-sad. "Teenagers, eh? I know what they're like. I was one, and now I've got one!"

Dylan K didn't smile – but she hadn't expected it. "Zoe, I will stay till the end of my shift. But after that… do you think it would be ridiculous for me to go to London?"

Zoe's first thought was: _NO._ A loud, emphatic, insistent no.

Even if Dylan K got back in time for his shift tomorrow, he probably wouldn't be in any state to work and the last thing this place needed was another doctor taking time off. Cal and Ethan might come back to work if the news about Lily's baby was good, but Zoe knew she couldn't count on it. The ED needed Dylan.

But then she thought of her own family. She was glad to be back in the ED and she didn't ever want to leave, but if Max and Ariana needed her in the way that Hazel, Luke and Dylan needed Dylan K, her family would always come first. Always.

"I think it would be an excellent idea for you to go to London," said Zoe.

Dylan K was surprised. "Really?"

Zoe nodded. "Your family needs you, Dylan - and I include little Dylan in that. Take as long as you need. We'll manage."

Dylan K shook his head. "I have to work tomorrow. I'm the only doctor left. You can't run an ED entirely with locums. I know I haven't been at my best, but this place needs me."

"Did you ever think that maybe your family might need you even more?" said Zoe.

* * *

Ella jumped to her feet. Connor reached for her, but she pushed him away. He watched as the blood drained from her face. "No, no, no, no, no…"

Connor closed the gap between them and put his arms around her, but she began to struggle, stamping on his feet as she tried to push him away. He gritted his teeth against the pain and tried to calm her, but Ella's words rose to a wail.

Connor could have shouted, but he didn't. He held her in his arms. When her legs began to give way, he carried her back to her seat and held her tightly.

"It's not him! It's not!" cried Ella, still struggling. She kicked her heel repeatedly into the chair leg.

Connor stroked her hair. He resisted the urge to tell her everything was okay. He knew it wasn't. "You can do this, okay? I know it's bad, but you're strong and I know you can cope and I'll be right here."

"But… but… he… he…"

"I know," said Connor. "Can you breathe for me, Ella? I'm not going to leave you. No matter what Dylan says."

* * *

Jez bounced the ball around the garage and threw it at the hoop. He pumped a fist in victory and whooped as it went in. He ran to collect the ball and threw it to Rocker. "Your turn, mate. Unless you're too old for this."

Rocker, who had been looking rather unenthusiastic, rose with alacrity at the age jibe and prepared to take his shot. Jez felt a vibration in his pocket. He smiled to himself. Maybe it was that cute guy he'd met last night.

Somewhat to his consternation, it was his boss calling. Jez felt the familiar stirrings of guilt. There was something about Dixie that always made Jez think guiltily about his latest misdemeanours: the _very_ slight scratch on the side of the ambulance from the post that had jumped out of nowhere; the last time Jez had invited his latest girl/boy to enjoy the back of an ambulance with him or the coffee stain on the cushion he'd tried to hide by turning the cover inside out.

"Hey, boss," said Jez, sounding as innocent as he could.

"What have you done now?" said Dixie in a weary tone.

"Um… nothing?"

"Oh, never mind!" said Dixie. "Long story but I've adopted a kid called Matilda: friend of Ariana Walker. She's gone walkabout after some crossed wires with Olivia. I don't suppose you've seen her?"

"We haven't brought in anyone called Matilda," said Jez. "But if we do, I'll give you a call straight away."

Dixie sounded relieved. "Oh, would you, love? I know it's not really allowed, but-"

"Dix, if she's young enough to be adopted, we have to call her parent or guardian, don't we?" said Jez. "And that's you. So we've got to call you. It's the law!"

* * *

"Are you okay?" Luke asked softly.

"I… yes. Yes, of course," said Dylan. She had a look at her monitor. Physically, everything was as she expected.

"Dylan. What's wrong?"

"I don't know," said Dylan unsteadily.

Luke held out his arms. "Do you think a cuddle might help?"

"I can't imagine a cuddle making it worse." Dylan was careful of her IV line as she put her arms around him. "I know there's no need to be scared. I love hospitals and I know I'll make a full recovery, but.. I'm scared, Luke."

Luke held her tightly. "It's okay, Dylan. I get scared all the time."

"But I don't know why I'm scared!"

"Is fear logical?" asked Luke.

"Not in the slightest."

"You see? So you can't expect your fear to be more logical than anyone else's," said Luke. He held her more tightly. "It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be upset. And it's okay not to cope every time." He kissed her. "You're amazing, Dylan. And if you don't believe me, ask my brother."

* * *

Matilda backed away from Taylor. "You're lying!"

There were tears on Taylor's cheeks. "I wish I was lying! The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I love you. It tore me apart when I lost you. The police found me and took me back to prison, but I didn't care. I'd lost you. I'd lost everything."

"But it can't be true!" Matilda started to cry.

Taylor gave a sob. "If I was making it up, I wouldn't tell you I'd been in prison. No child deserves to hear that, but it's _true_. I'd much rather say I was a princess or a doctor or that… that I had my own charity helping disadvantaged children. But I'm not."

"Then why didn't you come and find me before?" sobbed Matilda.

"I always wanted to," sniffed Taylor. "I was afraid for such a long time, but then I realised my life was slipping away from me. I tracked Cal down. He said he'd given you away. I thought it was a lie. I'd seen you together. I watched you. You were like a family. A family I should have been part of."

"But… Cal and Ethan… they're lovely," said Matilda, her head spinning. "Cal would never have given me up – and he would never have given up on you. He's kind and caring and he'd do anything for his family. Did you know he's going to be Ethan's carer? Ethan has Huntington's Disease and he's lovely too. When his wife Lily left him, Cal did everything he could to bring her back."

Taylor's eyes narrowed. "Ethan's lovely, yet his wife left him? And he's letting his brother give up his whole life to care for him?"

"No!" said Matilda. "You're twisting things!"

"Matilda, can't you see?" Taylor's eyes were wide and imploring. "It's Ethan who's twisted things. That's what he always does."

* * *

"Louis Fairhead…" repeated Robyn.

She said it again, conjuring up the distant memory of Charlie's son. Then she thought of her friend Louis. She compared the two images.

"I didn't know, Lofty!" cried Robyn. "I didn't know!"

"Of course you didn't," said Lofty gently. "How could you have known?"

"But you knew!" wept Robyn. "You knew who he was and you hadn't even met him. Oh, Lofty, what am I going to do?"

Lofty hugged her. "Here's what we'll do. I'll move Ava into my bed so I can keep an eye on her. You go downstairs before the others start killing each other. Tonight, when they're asleep, we'll talk about Louis; about getting you some more help with the kids - but the main thing I want you to do is not worry. You made a mistake, just like everyone does, all the time – but we can sort this, Robyn." He kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too," said Robyn. They kissed again, then she reluctantly went downstairs, just in time to discover Riley and Archie trying to drink bottles of expressed milk through their noses. She was almost laughing as she took the bottles away to sterilise them, but she was distracted by a knock on the door.

She went to answer it.

"Hey, Robyn," said Louis.

* * *

Cal drove up and down the streets, trying to be methodical and not miss anything, but there were so many streets. And for all he knew, Matilda was in someone's house or somewhere that was inaccessible by car.

It was hopeless. Completely hopeless. He'd probably have more chance of finding her if he went home; to the one place Matilda had felt safe, but he had to do something and Jack had promised to let him know if Matilda arrived.

Cal reached the end of a road, indicated and slowly turned right. He drove along a little way and then turned right again.

He saw flashing lights ahead and screeched to a halt. He parked untidily by the side of the road and got out of the car, running and running towards the lights.

Someone was being loaded into an ambulance. Cal couldn't see who it was, but there was a feeling of dread deep inside him. He ran over to the ambulance. "Matilda? Is that Matilda?"

"It's Dr Knight, isn't it?" A hand gripped his arm and he spun round to see a policeman.


	72. Chapter 72

**Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the cliffhangers! There might be a few more in this one. I think Dylan K probably does think of Dylan as family - he cares about her and she does take after him in some respects, though she's completely different in others. Even though Tilly does have doubts about how much Cal cares about her, she knows he and Ethan are good men. Taylor is right about one thing though - Cal did give Tilly away.

 **westlife4ever80** , I'm afraid Cal might be in a bit of trouble - but when is he not? He is often quite good at talking himself out of it through. As usual, Louis has arrived at exactly the wrong moment - it must be awful for Robyn as she hasn't had time to think about what to say when she sees him again. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Cal would do pretty much anything to keep Tilly safe - and if anyone hurt or frightened her, who knows what he'd do? It's probably a good thing he hasn't had the opportunity to tell her parents what he thinks of them. I had mixed feelings about letting Dylan K go to London, but I knew that was where he'd want to be! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I feel in some ways that Taylor poisoning Matilda's mind against Ethan is worse than poisoning her mind against Cal because there was a tiny amount of truth in what she said about Cal. Everything she said about Ethan was a complete lie. Cal probably is in trouble - it wouldn't be the first time!

 **Tanith Panic** , do you really think I'd kill Matilda off? Well... possibly. If Louis deserves a punch in the nose, maybe he'll get one from Lofty! It actually doesn't seem impossible - he's usually so gentle, but he's very protective of the people he cares about and Louis has crossed just about every line there is. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Jez is in his late 30s in this story, so he probably does have the occasional mature moment, though he might always be a big kid at heart. I think he's quite a sweet guy, but I'm not sure I'd trust him to save my life! I can see why Iain has reservations.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , I really liked Connor when he was in the show - he was set a terrible example by his parents, but he still managed to be a sweet and thoughtful boy. I'm glad you like Dylan's vulnerability. I think Cal and Ethan might not be terribly happy when they find out what Taylor's up to! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Cal stood by the side of the road and watched as the patient – who definitely wasn't Matilda, being seventy years old and male – was loaded into the ambulance. He'd thought once or twice about running away, but he doubted he'd get far. Even if he managed to get to his car without getting caught, it would be difficult for him to look for Matilda with the police on his tail.

At last, the ambulance drove away and the policemen came towards Cal. The one who seemed to be in charge had been there when he was questioned about Matilda, and Cal hadn't been impressed. He had a feeling his opinion wasn't about to be revised.

"Dr Knight. Thank you for waiting. Perhaps you'd like to explain exactly why you're looking for a child you're not allowed to see and why you thought she was likely to need an ambulance."

Cal had been spending the last five minutes or so deciding how he was going to answer that question and he still wasn't sure of the best approach, but he'd decided it would be better to be as truthful as possible. "She's missing. I decided to help look for her and when I saw the ambulance, I suppose I just panicked, like a lot of parents would."

"And who was it who informed you of Matilda's disappearance?"

"It was-" Cal realised he was getting into dangerous ground here. If the police knew Dixie had contacted Cal, she could get into trouble. Dixie was a friend and a colleague, not to mention a great foster mother and he didn't want to cause any trouble for her. He also knew that, despite his harsh words to Dixie earlier, Matilda would be very lucky to find a better foster home.

"Now, now, Dr Knight. This is the police you're speaking to. This is no time to be covering up for anyone. If you want Matilda to be found, we need you to be as truthful as possible."

* * *

Dylan K was sure he'd seen the woman somewhere before, but he couldn't place her. He often couldn't. He met so many people in the course of his job and he couldn't have remembered them all even if he'd wanted to.

All the same, he had a feeling she was a bit more than just another patient.

Perhaps she felt his scrutiny. Something made her turn her head and their eyes met. Some of the worry faded from her eyes and she smiled before walking towards him.

 _Oh, great,_ thought Dylan K. _She thinks I fancy her. That's all I need._

"Dr Keogh?" said the woman. "I'm Chloe Wilkinson-Brae. Dylan's mother. Are you going to see Luke?"

 _Of course: that's who she is_ , thought Dylan K. _And she's a lesbian, so I'm safe in that respect._ "Yes, I am. And you're going to see Dylan."

Chloe nodded. "I feel so terrible. I didn't even know she'd left the house."

"If we were talking about any other child, I would advise you to keep a closer eye on your daughter in future, but with Dylan, I'm not completely certain it would do any good," said Dylan K.

"No, perhaps not… but I should keep a closer eye on her," said Chloe. "She's very mature and intelligent – she frightens me a bit sometimes by how mature and intelligent she is – but she's still my baby."

* * *

Lily held out her arms as Ethan rushed into the room. He put his arms around her and she hugged him back, burying her face in his chest. "I'm glad you're here, Ethan. If you weren't here…"

"But I am here," said Ethan. He was frightened, but he was determined not to show it. He would be devastated if they lost their baby, but he needed to be strong for his wife. In all too short a time, Ethan would become dependent on Lily and Cal for everything, but he would look after her for as long as he could. "I'm here, Lily. I'm not going anywhere. And no matter what happens, I love you and I'm proud of you."

Lily gave a wobbly smile. "I love you, Ethan. Very much. I'm so sorry for the way I behaved. I will never leave you again."

Ethan held her tightly. "And I'll never hide anything from you again, Lily. Ever."

The doctor came into the room. "Dr and Dr Hardy. I… I have some news for you."

Ethan could feel Lily trembling. He put his arms more securely around her, looking down at Lily's stomach. _Please be okay, little baby. Please be okay._

* * *

Dylan was appalled when she started crying. Until recently, she hadn't cried for years and it seemed stupid to cry now, when she had more support than ever.

Luke held her tightly. "It's okay," he said, in between the soft kisses he was planting on the top of her head. "I know you probably hate crying more than anything. You like being in control of things and you don't like to show weakness, but maybe it's not a sign of weakness. You're tired and you're not well and you've been worrying about me all day and you could have cried at any point, but instead it happened now, which is the perfect time because you don't need to do anything except lie in bed. Your mum won't be here for a couple of hours so all the physical signs should be gone by then. So as usual, you couldn't have managed things better."

Dylan sniffled and pulled away from him so she could get a tissue. "If I'd planned it, I'd have done something much more sensible like waiting till the middle of the night where no-one could see me."

Luke put his arm around her. "But then I wouldn't have been here."

"I am glad you're here," admitted Dylan. "It's nice to have a cuddle and you really seem to understand. I do hate crying. I don't mind at all when my friends cry – all I want is to look after them. But when it's me, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. It doesn't even make me feel better. It's noisy, it's messy and – much as I hate myself for being so shallow - it makes me look ugly." She snuggled closer to him. "By the way, I am just stating a fact. If you dare to think I'm fishing for compliments, I'll never speak to you again."

"Then I'd better not tell you how cute you look," said Luke, smiling.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't," said Dylan. She was smiling too.

"Then I won't," said Luke firmly. "But I do understand. I mean, if Alfie or Charlie cried, I wouldn't be horrified or disgusted or anything like that. I'd just be worried. But when I cry, I feel like a big fake because I wouldn't do it if I was a proper boy."

"That's utterly ridiculous," said Dylan. "I'm so glad I'm not the only one who starts having completely irrational thoughts when I cry. But there's really nothing wrong with crying at all – and it actually releases toxins and endorphins, so it's good for us."

Luke hugged her. "Well, you should listen to yourself because you know what you're talking about. It's weird, though. I actually cry more now than I did when I was Rihanna."

"You didn't have as many hormones racing around inside you when you were Rihanna. Some girls cry a lot more as teenagers than they did when they were younger. There are some girls at primary school who never seemed to cry. I remember there was one girl who…" Dylan stopped. She looked at Luke. How could she not have realised? "Rihanna… how is that spelled?"

She'd assumed he'd spelled it Reanna – the name had become very common after a girl with that name had won Big Brother and then gone off to South America to start up her own children's charity. But perhaps she was wrong.

Luke spelled it for her. "I was named after a singer. Quite an old singer. We'd have been about seven or eight when she stopped singing."

Dylan was smiling. Yes, she really had been stupid – but everyone had their airhead moments. Besides, the spelling made all the difference. "You didn't cry when you fell off the climbing frame and sustained a distal radius fracture."

* * *

Taylor moved towards Matilda. "I love you, Matilda. My baby Matilda."

"I'm sorry you lost your baby," said Matilda, her voice shaking. "But I don't think she's me."

"Do you think I'm making it up?" shouted Taylor.

"No, of course not!" said Matilda. "I'm sure you believe every word you're saying, but I _know_ Cal and Ethan. Cal would never steal anyone's baby and Ethan wouldn't twist the truth."

Taylor was crying again. "Then maybe they've changed over time. I don't know. All I know is they took you from me and I want you back! I want you back so much."

Matilda looked at the distraught woman and didn't know what to think.

 _Oh, why did I come here?_ _It was so stupid. Why did I trust her?_

 _Oh, I want Cal…_

"Please don't leave me, Matilda!" begged Taylor. "I love you so much. I love Cal so much. I just want someone to love me. Not even my parents loved me and you know how that feels!" Her legs seemed to give way and she collapsed onto the floor, sobbing loudly. "I just want my daughter to love me!"

* * *

Lofty was about to go into Ava's room when he heard the knock on the door. He went to stand at the top of the stairs and heard a male voice greeting Robyn.

There was a long silence.

"Robyn? Is everything okay?" asked the man.

Lofty didn't wait any longer. He hurried down the stairs. On the doorstep was a man, probably in his late thirties, with brown wavy hair and ice-blue eyes.

Lofty could understand why Robyn hadn't recognised him. He probably wouldn't have done either if he hadn't been looking for a resemblance. This Louis was older, better-dressed and wasn't likely to be mistaken for a drug addict. "Robyn, why don't you go and see to Ava. I'll deal with this."


	73. Chapter 73

**WARNING** : I always forget to post warnings, which is very bad of me, and I don't want to give anything away, but there is a violent bit involving a knife in this chapter.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It's going to be a bit touch and go with the baby, I'm afraid - not even I know what will happen! Lofty isn't usually stupid (though he has his moments, as everyone does), but he is very angry... I'm really glad Taylor sounds convincingly desperate - it can be difficult to believe a word she says!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Cal has a big decision to make - and he doesn't always tell the truth if he thinks a lie will make it easier for him! I'm glad yI brought Ethan and Lily back together. Matilda is right not to take the word of a crazy-sounding woman! Taylor has given up her rights - though so has Cal.

 **Tanith Panic** , I hope you're happy with the way Lofty deals with the situation! I think my standpoint is that Robyn has the right to choose her friends, but Lofty has a say in who spends time with their children. Taylor is an accomplished actress - but she's also a mother. You can never be sure with Taylor! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , it would be terrible if Matilda listened to Taylor and believed her over Cal and Ethan. I think a lot of people in books do take the stranger's word in that situation, but Tilly knows Cal so well, I thought I'd do it differently. She might be upset when she finds out Cal really did give her away though. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Ethan and Lily really do deserve some happiness, but I think I might have to do something else cruel. I'm glad Taylor's feelings for Matilda seem genuine, but she really is sneaky - she's probably never won anyone's love and trust without deceiving them and she might think it's the only way.

 **westlife4ever80** , Cal really does need to tell the truth this time, but it's not something that always comes naturally to him! I love Cal, but he only seems to make the right decisions under pressure when he's working. I'm not sure, but I think you might have another reason to smile in this chapter... Thank you for your review.

* * *

When Robyn had gone, Lofty turned back to Louis.

"Louis, I have no reason to assume your interest in my family isn't completely innocent," said Lofty. "But I'm afraid I can't help being a little bit concerned about a man who suddenly appears and involves himself in my children's lives."

Louis looked down at the ground. "I just wanted to be friends," he mumbled.

"As far as I can see, you've been a good friend to Robyn and the kids," said Lofty. "I'm grateful for the help you've given her. But I hope you can understand why I'm a bit cautious – and I would feel the same way about _anyone_."

"I like your family," said Louis, still not looking at Lofty. "And it seems like they like me. Not many people do."

Lofty could understand why, but the thought wasn't without compassion. "Well, if Robyn's happy to remain friends with you, there's no reason why you shouldn't be friends – but we'll do things in a more conventional way from now on. No more outings. If Robyn agrees, we can start with dinner and take it from there. Does that sound okay?"

Louis finally lifted his head. His eyes met Lofty's. He nodded and there was the beginnings of a smile on his face. "Really?"

"If Robyn agrees, yes," said Lofty. "We need to discuss it and make a decision together. Now, I need to get back to my family, but you must have come here for a reason…"

"I was going to ask how Ava was," said Louis. "And to see if Robyn... if both of you needed any help."

Lofty smiled. "That's very thoughtful of you. Ava's fine: just a bit upset, as you'd expect, and she's taking things quietly for a while. We're okay, but thank you for offering."

* * *

"It was her foster mum who told me," said Cal. "She thought Matilda might come to my house. She told me that if she did show up, I needed to ask my brother or his wife to bring her straight home again as I'm not supposed to be in contact with her."

The policeman's face remained blank. "So, what made you decide to come looking for a girl you're not supposed to be in contact with?"

"Because I was worried," said Cal. "I knew it would frighten Matilda to be found by the police. And I love her. I know she's not biologically my daughter, but I think of her in that way and I'm scared to death something might have happened her. She's vulnerable and alone. It would be so easy for her to fall in with the first person who was kind to her and then God knows what might happen."

"There would be no need for Matilda to be frightened of the police if she hadn't done anything wrong," said the policeman.

Cal's fists clenched at this irritating stock answer. "You'd be scared too if you'd spent your whole life being misunderstood. Matilda was abused by her parents. Everything she said was twisted into something bad. And if your parents, the people who are supposed to love you, are treating you like that, how can you help fearing everyone else will be the same?"

* * *

Dylan K wouldn't quite have said Dylan was a baby, but he could see Chloe's point. Dylan was only fifteen. She probably believed she could cope with anything, but while confidence could carry you a long way, it could also lead you straight into trouble. "I'm sure Dylan is in good hands."

"That's what she said," said Chloe. "She said she'd be fine and I didn't need to come. I know she probably will be fine, but she's my daughter. And I know how… how suddenly you can lose someone."

Dylan K knew she was referring to her wife. "It's a completely different situation, but I think you're doing the right thing, going to be with Dylan now." He frowned slightly, wondering why he was still having this conversation. He had no professional obligation to Chloe and the fact they both cared about Dylan didn't mean they had to communicate with each other.

"I know it's stupid," said Chloe in a trembling voice, "but I'm just so scared. Of losing her. She's so much cleverer than me and she's so capable and sometimes I feel like she doesn't need me at all… I'm so sorry, Dr Keogh. I'm sure you don't want to be bothered with all this."

"I think it's a natural fear with an intelligent, capable, independent child," said Dylan K. He knew he could end this conversation now. He'd walked away from conversations at much less appropriate points than this – and it was very rarely that he regretted it. "I was going to walk to the far end of the platform – there's more chance of finding a seat there. Would you like to, um…"

Chloe smiled at him gratefully. "I would like that, Dr Keogh."

"I think you should use my first name. Your daughter does – with my permission – and I would prefer it if our entire carriage didn't know I'm a doctor. It's all very well at work, but I don't want to spend the entire journey being asked for advice about suspected brain tumours and ingrown toenails."

* * *

The doctor was still speaking, but Lily hardly heard him. There was something about loss of blood and her cervix dilating, but there was a rushing sound in her ears and then she was begging him not to say the words. Begging them to save their baby. She felt Ethan holding her tightly and heard his tearful voice telling her he loved her and he was there, but even that wasn't enough now.

"Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Lily," said Ethan, his voice firm despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. "None of this is your fault."

"But when animals miscarry, it's when they're stressed and they can't provide a safe environment for it to be born in," sobbed Lily. "I miscarried because I left you."

Ethan shook his head. "You know it's not like that, Lily. Miscarriages happen for a biological reason that's entirely outside your control. There are babies who have been born on the streets who have survived, yet there are also young, healthy, happy couples with much larger and arguably more comfortable homes than ours who have lost a baby." He pressed his forehead against hers. "But you haven't lost the baby, Lily. We still have hope. The dilation of the cervix can be reversed."

"It has been done successfully on one or two occasions," wept Lily. "Never in this hospital. The chances are so small, Ethan."

"But we mustn't give up hope, sweetheart," said Ethan. He gently wiped her tears. "We've got to keep hoping. Whatever happens, Lily, it won't be your fault or anyone else's, but we mustn't give up hope until there's no hope left."

* * *

Luke's face lit up. "So you do remember me?"

"Oh, yes. The first time I saw you, I thought you were a boy," said Dylan. She smiled. "I was right."

"First time for everything," said Luke.

Dylan laughed and kissed him.

"I remember you, of course," said Luke. "There aren't many girls called Dylan. And there aren't many girls like you." He smiled shyly. "You asked me which school I went to in Holby, but I couldn't tell you. I knew you'd make the connection and I had no idea how you'd react. I knew you wouldn't have a problem with a transsexual friend, but a transsexual boyfriend is a bit different."

"It doesn't make any difference at all at the moment," said Dylan. "As for the future, let's wait till it happens. I might be completely fed up with you by then."

"Or maybe I'll be fed up with you!" said Luke, and they both laughed. "I'm so happy you remember me."

"I couldn't forget Hanna Leyton," said Dylan. "The way you fell off the climbing frame and didn't cry… I almost hoped the same would happen to me so I could be equally brave."

"You didn't cry when you tripped over Lottie's skipping rope and cut your arm," said Luke.

Dylan let him in on a secret. "I did come pretty close. But then I saw the state of my arm… that big, dirty laceration… and I realised I would have to go to hospital! I felt much better then."

"I hadn't seen you so excited since they promoted you to the Year 5 maths book," said Luke.

"It was you who told the teacher, wasn't it?" said Dylan. "Lottie asked you to say I'd cut my arm and I told you to say I'd sustained a laceration to my left forearm."

"A laceration to your left forearm?" said Luke. "Oh, no, Dylan. I think you were a _lot_ more specific than that!"

* * *

Matilda's heart trembled. She knew how Taylor felt. It was horrible not being loved.

A part of Matilda wanted to take Taylor in her arms and hug her and promise to be her daughter. She didn't want anyone to feel unloved. Even Matilda had Cal, Dylan, Lottie and Ariana. Taylor had no-one.

Only the little baby she'd lost.

But Matilda couldn't go to her. Taylor needed help, but Matilda had no power to give it. She didn't know if Taylor was a manipulative liar or if she was so deeply damaged by the lack of love in her life, she no longer knew what reality was, but either way, Matilda was not equipped to deal with it.

Taylor let out a few heart-rending sobs and buried her face in her hands.

Slowly, Matilda began to back away from her. She didn't want to take her eyes off Taylor, but sooner or later, she knew she would have to turn and run… and hope.

She was shaking hard and the room was swimming around her, but she knew she had to get out.

She was almost at the door when Taylor lifted her head. She looked around and saw Matilda. "Matilda, don't leave me!" she screamed. She jumped to her feet and seized something from the table.

A knife.

Matilda felt sick. Spots danced in front of her eyes. She knew she had to run, but her legs were like jelly. Taylor came closer, the knife raised.

The knife pierced her flesh.

Matilda fell.


	74. Chapter 74

_I know almost nothing about the next episode of Casualty so please don't tell me if one of the characters in this story is supposed to be dead! I'd like to be surprised when it happens. As far as this story is concerned, all I can do is say it's set in an AU where no-one died._

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I can't blame you for hating Taylor - hurting your baby girl is terrible. Cal has been asked to stay away from Matilda so he has no right to know anything about her, but there are times for professionalism and times for common sense. I'm glad you liked the way Lofty resolved the conflict with Louis.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I get quite carried away when I'm reading too - you've probably seen that from some of my reviews! I always take it as a compliment if someone is emotionally invested. Lily hasn't had a miscarriage, but she's been diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage so it could happen. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm glad I managed to surprise you! I hope the update is everything you're hoping for. It does have the potential for caring Cal and crying Cal, which is always a positive!

 **ETWentHome** , I'm not sure Taylor had much idea of what she was doing, but stabbing your daughter (or anyone for that matter) really is taking things too far. I'm afraid there isn't much chance of Taylor calling an ambulance. I think a lot of people would be upset if I killed Matilda! Thank you for your review.

 **westllife4ever80** , I think I would do exactly the same thing if Dylan asked me not to tell anyone he was a doctor! It's just too tempting. Trying to kill your daughter certainly isn't a very nice thing to do. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it's nice to see some sympathy for Taylor, though I do understand why so many people hate her more than ever! I'm glad you like the way Lofty handled the Louis situation - I was a bit worried he was too soft, but I thought Lofty would be kind but firm. I'm happy you liked the Ethan and Lily scene. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I think a lot of people would like to see Taylor locked up in prison! Let's hope Cal has the opportunity to tell Tilly why he really gave her away. It will be less hurtful once she knows Taylor lied about Cal being her dad. I think Dylan K probably really appreciates Dylan's acceptance of him too.

* * *

Matilda opened her eyes. She felt dizzy and sick. She didn't know where she was and there was someone on the floor crying.

An image flashed into her mind. A knife. A crazed, angry face. And then darkness.

Matilda edged across the floor and picked up the knife Taylor had dropped, throwing it across the room. Then she looked at Taylor. The blood pooling around her wrist made Matilda shiver, but she knew she had to help her.

Matilda shuddered as she lifted Taylor's hand onto her lap. "It's okay, Taylor. I'm going to put pressure on this for you and I'm going to call you an ambulance. It's going to be okay."

She pressed hard on the skin beside the wound. The bleeding didn't stop, but it wasn't spurting. Dylan said it was more dangerous if it was an artery, but you'd know if it was an artery because of the spurting.

Matilda felt in her pocket for her phone. She pressed the 9 three times and held the phone to her ear as she increased the pressure on Taylor's wrist. "Ambulance, please… oh, please help me!" Matilda started to cry. "It's, um, a woman. She stabbed her wrist with a knife. It's bleeding, but I don't think it's an artery because it's not spurting. Please send someone to help?" She closed her eyes. "Oh… I don't know! Taylor, what's the address? Please, Taylor, you've got to tell me!... I'm sorry. I know it's weird, but I don't know where I am!"

* * *

Most of the passengers, including Chloe, eyed the fallen man with terror. Dylan K merely sighed and got to his feet. "Give me some space, please. I'm a doctor." He climbed over some seats so he could kneel on the floor beside the man. He opened the man's airway, holding his cheek close to his mouth as he felt, listened and looked for signs of breathing. "I need someone to phone an ambulance, please, and somebody to contact the driver and ask them to stop at the next station, whether it's scheduled or not."

"I'll pull the emergency cord!" said one ignoramus.

"No, don't do that," said Dylan K. "It will be harder for the ambulance to reach us if we stop in the middle of nowhere. The button to speak to the driver is over there."

Dylan K began compressions. He heard Chloe speaking to the emergency services, explaining everything clearly. She remembered the name of the previous station and from that, she was able to work out the next one. Chloe might not be one of the more academic members of her family, but Dylan K felt she underestimated herself.

He was starting the second round of compressions when heard a scrambling sound from somewhere near him. It sounded like someone was climbing over the seats, but he ignored it, instead concentrating on his task. As long as they didn't interfere, he really didn't care what the other passengers did.

Chloe dropped down between the seats opposite him. "I've called the ambulance," she said breathlessly. "Let me know if I can help. I might not be on Dylan and my father's levels – or yours, of course – but I know some basic first aid."

* * *

Honey entered the living room to discover Noel sitting sadly on the sofa. "Is she still not home?"

Noel shook his head.

"And she hasn't phoned you or nothing?" Honey let her voice rise with indignation. "The inconsiderate, selfish… no, I mustn't call names. I mustn't sink to her level."

"Louise doesn't usually call people names," said Noel. "She's a good person, Honey."

"So, it's just me she hates?" said Honey, letting a tremor creep into her voice.

Noel looked alarmed. "No, she doesn't hate you, love! It's just difficult sometimes for a woman to accept another woman into the house. But I'm sure she'll come round."

Honey went to sit beside him. "I wonder where she is. I mean, the obvious thing to think is that she's having an affair. But I'm sure Louise would _never_ do that. Who'd want to have an affair with… I mean, who would want to do anything that would involve hurting you?"

"I'm sure she's not having an affair," said Noel, but he doesn't sound completely convinced.

"No, of course not!" agreed Honey. "Though it is a bit odd."

Noel tensed. "What's odd?"

"She seems to be spending a lot of time with that girl Lottie. She helped deliver her or something so I get there might be a bond, but it's a bit weird. I mean, it's not like she usually likes young people. She hates me and I'm only like, ten years older than Lottie."

"Louise doesn't hate you," said Noel.

"If it was anyone else," said Honey, "I'd think she was having an affair and Lottie was just an excuse." She smiled at Noel. "But this is _Louise_ , isn't it?"

* * *

"I got teased about my name at my first primary school," said Luke. "Rihanna wasn't popular anymore, so it was a bit embarrassing. So when I joined your school, they agreed I could be Hanna. Still a bit girly, but at least it was normal."

"I got teased about my name too, but I didn't mind," said Dylan. "A girl called Dylan… I could live with that. But Rihanna is such a distinctive name. Luke suits you much better."

"I thought you were beautiful even then," said Luke.

Dylan took his hand. "If you want me to say it was love at first sight for me too, I'm afraid you're going to be very disappointed."

Luke laughed. "That's one reason why I like you, Dylan. If you pay me a compliment, I know you mean it."

"Then you'll know I mean it when I say I did like you and I was sad when you left."

Luke held her more tightly. "I was sad too. But I'm not going to leave you again."

"I… I hope not," said Dylan cautiously.

"What?" She felt Luke's body go tense. "What does that mean?"

Dylan hesitated. It was the wrong time, but there would never be a right one. "I like you, Luke, but that doesn't mean I want to share you. What's going on with you and Maya?"

* * *

Cal looked up anxiously as he heard footsteps. He'd done that ever since he'd arrived at the police station, but so far, they'd always walked on past.

The same happened this time.

Cal wasn't completely sure what he was doing at the police station. He wasn't under arrest, but he wasn't sure there was much he could do to help the police, considering he was as much in the dark about Matilda's whereabouts as they were.

He suspected he might have been brought here in order to keep him out of the way.

Cal heard more footsteps, but this time they stopped. "Dr Knight. We shouldn't really be telling you this, but Matilda's okay. She met an injured woman and called an ambulance for her. Matilda's accompanying her to hospital."

"Oh, my little girl!" said Cal, as his eyes filled with tears of pride as well as relief. "She would have been so scared… but she did it. My clever, brave little girl." He caught himself. "I mean, not _my_ little girl. But…"

The policeman smiled. "It's all right, Dr Knight. This conversation is off the record. But I do have some questions for you about a woman named Taylor Clement. You might have known her as Taylor Ashbie."

* * *

Zoe was tired and she missed her family, but she knew she had to stay. Having spoken to Connor, she could only agree that Ella was incapable of working and that it would be unwise for Connor to leave her.

With Dylan K on a train to London, Ethan and Lily dealing with a threatened miscarriage and Cal not answering his phone, Zoe was needed more than ever.

As soon as she could, she phoned Max to explain what had happened. "I'm so sorry, Max. And if Ariana needs me, of course I'll come home. But things really are bad here."

"I might have known you'd put your job first!" snapped Max.

Zoe was too shocked to speak.

Max sighed. "No. Sorry. That wasn't fair. You said you'd come home if we needed you. I do appreciate that."

"What's happened?" asked Zoe. "Is Ariana…"

"Ariana's coping really well," said Max. "But... I'll start from the beginning. Dixie's fostering Matilda. Dixie's daughter upset her – crossed wires, I think – so Matilda ran off and came to us. Dixie called me – I think she's ringing round all Tilly's friends. I didn't answer because I was driving, but Tilly got scared and ran again. Now we've got no idea where she is."

Zoe rubbed her hand across her face. "Okay. Maybe it's best if I stay here for now, but we'll keep checking in with each other. If Ariana needs me, let me know." She paused. "And if I hear news of Matilda, I'll let you know."

* * *

Ella knew she was supposed to be asleep. She was in bed and apparently sedated, but she'd never felt so wide-awake.

Connor had gone to look for Grace to cancel their date tonight. Ella doubted he would. He was crazy about Grace Beauchamp and she could make him do anything.

Ella got up from the bed. There was no-one keeping an eye on her. She removed the IV line, put a dressing over the wound and slipped quietly out of the room. _If I go back to work, maybe this won't be real._

She felt as though she was in some sort of cloud. Or perhaps she _was_ a cloud. She was floating. Everywhere looked grey and slightly out of focus and she didn't think she was in the ED, but maybe it didn't matter. Maybe this was where she was supposed to be.

Ahead of her, a door opened. A voice spoke. "We'll be back soon, Dr Hardy." A doctor closed the door and walked away.

 _Dr Hardy…_

Ella felt the air crackle. She almost flew through the air, pushing the door open and bursting into the room. Lily was in bed, crying. Ethan was trying to comfort her.

"This is your fault!" hissed Ella, jabbing a finger at Lily.

Ethan got up from the bed. "Ella, I really don't think-"

"No, Ethan, you need to listen to me!" shouted Ella. "My dad tried to kill himself today and considering he slept with your wife last night, it doesn't take a genius to figure out she was the reason why!"


	75. Chapter 75

**Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you're letting Max off this time! I didn't think he should find it too easy to change. I agree about Taylor needing treatment rather than prison - she's not well and the most she could be accused of is child abduction, which is dubious as Matilda went with her willingly. I thought Cal would be proud of Matilda even though he's upset and worried. I'm glad Honey comes across as funny and not just horrible. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , I'm sure everyone who reads this story has favourites - it's exactly the same as when we watch the show. Casualty is full of sad stories, but certain characters (you know which ones!) often do stand out that little bit more. Ethan has been struggling to cope with anything recently so I can see why you're worried about him! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I thought something had better happen to Dylan on the train or I'd have to leave him out of the story for a few chapters! I think Cal would really appreciate a hug right now. I love his vulnerable side too. He always acts so tough and it's easy to believe that's his true self, but when something does hurt him, he really falls apart.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I felt a bit mean making it look like Matilda was the one who got hurt when actually it wasn't, but I couldn't resist. You can't do that in every language because the grammar doesn't work, but English is a great language for confusing people!

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you enjoyed the Dylan and Luke scene. I've been wanting Dylan to ask that question for ages, but new things kept happening! Cal wouldn't refuse medical help to anyone and I think Tilly takes after him a lot more than her adoptive parents or her birth mother. I think probably everyone would like Cal to live with Tilly - Dixie and Jess would be good foster parents, but Cal and Tilly's relationship is special! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It's so lovely you feel some sympathy for Taylor - she's done some terrible things, including abandoning Tilly, but that doesn't mean she has no positive feelings at all. That's a very interesting observation about Dylan K - not something I'd necessarily have thought of, but it's true and I think I might include it. I couldn't let Cal be kept in the dark about his brave 'little girl'!

* * *

Ethan felt on the verge of breaking apart, but Lily needed him to be strong. She was sobbing harder than ever, her head in her hands.

Besides, it couldn't be true. It couldn't be.

He put his hand on Lily's shoulder. "Ella, I'm truly sorry about your dad and it's understandable you're so emotional, but there's obviously been some confusion."

"No. No confusion," said Ella. "I know what my clinical lead looks like and I know what my dad's bed looks like and _she_ was in my dad's bed."

"I'm sorry, Ella, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," said Ethan, with another glance at Lily. "Dr Hardy and I are going through a family crisis too. Would it be possible to discuss this another time?"

Ella looked at him in disbelief. "Don't you care what your wife's been doing?"

"Of course I do, but I know you're wrong." Ethan's voice rang with certainty.

Ella pointed at Lily. "Ask her then!"

Ethan felt his temper rise. "Dr Ashford, I'm asking you to leave."

"Lily?" said Ella tauntingly. " _You're_ very quiet! What have you got to say then?"

"You're not to speak to Dr Hardy like that!" snapped Ethan. "She's your clinical lead and she's possibly about to lose our baby!"

Shock filled Ella's face and she burst into tears. Whether it was in reaction to the news Ethan had inadvertently blurted out or the fact that the male Dr Hardy had actually raised his voice, Ethan didn't know.

Ethan squeezed Lily's shoulder and took a step towards Ella. "I'm sorry for shouting. I know it must be a very upsetting time for you. Would you like me to call someone to take you back to your dad?"

"No, I…" Ella stopped and looked at Lily. "I'm sorry, Dr Hardy. I'm so sorry about your baby." She turned and left.

Ethan wrapped Lily tightly in his arms. "It's okay, darling. Ella's confused and very upset."

"I didn't sleep with him!" sobbed Lily.

"I know, sweetheart." Ethan stroked her hair and tried not to feel relieved.

Lily cried harder. "But I did wake up in his bed!"

* * *

Jez waited till Taylor was settled in the ambulance. They'd bandaged up the wound and put a line in, but she was showing early signs of shock and there were also concerns about her mental state. He wished he'd been able to convince Matilda to sit in the front with Rocker, but she'd refused.

"Matilda, I hope you don't mind, but I'm phoning Dixie," said Jez. "I'm sorry - I always hated it when someone phoned my mum and told her what I was up to – but she's worried about you and as you're under sixteen, I have kind of got to."

"Okay," whispered Matilda, her eyes on Taylor.

Jez quickly found Dixie's number.

"Jez? Have you found Matilda?"

"Matilda's fine," said Jez. "A woman injured her wrist and Matilda gave first aid and called for help. She did really well. She's with us in the ambulance."

"Oh, thank God!" said Dixie. "Please tell her I'm on my way – and we're not angry at all. We're just glad she's safe."

* * *

Grace looked at Connor in disbelief. "You are joking."

"Sorry, but I really do need to be with Ella," said Connor awkwardly. "She's a mate."

"A mate?" said Grace. "You seem to care quite a lot for her considering she's a mate."

"I care about my mates," said Connor. He reached for her, but she moved away. "Come on, Grace. You understand, don't you?"

Grace shook her head. "Connor, you promised. And I'm sure she has other mates."

"I'm sure she does, but I'm one of her best mates," said Connor. He tried to take her hand. "Please, Grace. She needs me. You could come too if you like."

Grace slapped his hand away. "You're not listening to me! I don't want you to see that girl again."

"Sweetheart, Ella and I work together," said Connor. "I can't really ignore her."

"I know you can't ignore her when you're working," said Grace. "But you're not working now. Your shift is over."

"Yeah, but-"

"I'm giving you two choices," said Grace. "Either you take me out to dinner now, like you promised, or it's over."

* * *

"For the last time, I wasn't going to sleep with Lottie!" shouted Charlie. "Can we just drop it now?"

"No, we can't drop it!" Sam yelled back. He took a step closer to his son. "You were up here in your room with a girl and-"

Alicia jumped between them. "Sam. Leave it, babe. You've made your point. You don't need to make it again." She fought to stop her voice from shaking. She hated these rows. She really hated them, but she could usually calm them down. "Charlie's told us he didn't intend to sleep with Lottie and there's no reason to doubt that. Come on, babe. Let's go downstairs."

For a horrible moment, she thought Sam would refuse, but as she looked into his eyes, his anger slowly drained. "You're right, Alicia. Charlie, if you're lying to us, I hope you'll think about what I've said. If you're telling the truth – I'm sorry for doubting you."

Some of the tension in the room dissipated. Alicia took Sam's hand and led him out of the room. She walked downstairs, hoping he wouldn't notice the tears filling her eyes. Everything was such a mess, but she couldn't let it get on top of her. Sam needed her. _Lily_ needed her. It wasn't a good time to have a baby, so why she was even thinking about it…

"Ali?" Sam caught her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. "What's wrong, babe?"

Alicia shook her head, unable to speak. Sam led her into the living room and sat beside her, wrapping his arms around her and letting her cry.

"It's going to be okay," said Sam. "Me and Charlie will get through this and we'll have a baby and everything will be fine."

"But what about Lily?" sobbed Alicia. "She's supposed to be my friend and she and Ethan weren't even properly talking and I _left_ her! What kind of friend would do that?"

Sam gave her a tissue. "A friend with problems of her own. Sometimes it gets too much, Alicia, and you need to take a step back. Like you made me do just now." He looked at her seriously. "I know you haven't been happy for a while – you can fool everyone else, but I _know_ you – but you just kept pretending everything was okay. All I could do was wait till it all came bursting out and make sure I was here. And I am."

"I should have stayed with her," said Alicia, sniffling. "But you needed me too. And all I could think about was myself!"

Sam kissed her forehead. "It's been a horrible day. Worse for Lily than for anyone. But you don't have to pretend you're not upset just because someone else has it worse." He stroked her hair. "Isn't that what you always tell me?"

Alicia laughed shakily and wiped her eyes. "Yes," she whispered, hugging her husband tightly.

* * *

Dylan K finished the latest round of compressions. He nodded at Chloe, who was sitting by the defibrillator.

She'd never used one before, but she seemed confident and Dylan K was grateful for it. She'd been very helpful. The station they were at was a small one and although they had a defibrillator on site, they didn't have anyone who was trained in its use, which meant Dylan K was free to continue working with Chloe. Chloe wasn't trained either, of course, but anyone could use a defibrillator as long as they listened well and did as they were told. Dylan K trusted Chloe to do both. She wasn't the daughter of a GP and the mother of a future ED consultant for nothing.

Dylan K watched as the defibrillator charged and ensured he was clear as Chloe pressed the button. The patient jumped and Chloe checked for a pulse.

"No," she said, a slight quiver in her voice this time. "Do you think…"

"He's been down for twenty minutes, so it's not looking good," admitted Dylan K. They were also - though he was trying not to think about it - on Platform 4. "But it's not my call. We'll wait for the paramedics."

* * *

Taylor lay in the ambulance and sobbed. Matilda watched her through eyes blurred with tears of her own. She still didn't know what to make of Taylor. She knew with certainty that the things she'd said about Ethan weren't true and that made her doubt everything else.

But one thing was clear: Taylor was deeply unhappy. Whether she'd lost a daughter or not, she obviously wanted one.

Matilda reached across and took Taylor's hand. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry about your daughter. I hope you find her."

"I have found her," sobbed Taylor. "But you don't want to know me."

"Of course I do, if you're really my mum," said Matilda.

"Of course I'm really your mum!"

"I just don't know how you can be sure," said Matilda apologetically. "Cal hasn't said anything about knowing me from before."

"He said her name was Matilda," sniffed Taylor. "And you're called Matilda. And you were with him. And I love you."

* * *

Dylan felt Luke tense in her arms. He slowly removed his arms from around her and moved from the bed to the chair. Dylan felt herself beginning to tremble, but she told herself to stay in control.

"Luke?" said Dylan softly. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but I will need to know at some point."

"I don't know what I was doing," said Luke.

"Very few people do know what they're doing all the time," offered Dylan. "Including me."

Luke sighed. "She liked me. Charlie said I'd have to be gay to turn her down. Obviously, I'm not gay. Not now I'm a guy. But..."

"But you didn't want him to suspect there was anything different about you, so you went out with her?" said Dylan gently. She liked Charlie Bateman – like Dylan, he gave up his time willingly to tutor less able students - but he wasn't the most sensitive guy Dylan knew.

Luke nodded. "I didn't want to. And I knew that sooner or later – probably sooner – she'd expect to sleep with me."

"But you obviously didn't," said Dylan.

"Of course not!" Luke managed to laugh a little bit. "She is quite good company. Quite intelligent too. Not like you, obviously, but not stupid. She said she knew the difference between a tease and someone who wasn't ready and she knew I wasn't ready. So she said she'd wait."

Dylan discovered she didn't like it when Luke was complimentary about other girls. She tried to hide it. This conversation was was very important and it wouldn't help anyone if she let her emotions get in the way. "Is she still waiting? I mean, are you still with her?"

The silence was endless.

But at least it meant Luke's reply didn't come as a shock. "Yes."


	76. Chapter 76

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Ethan's reaction could go either way - he's a sweet man, but he's under severe strain emotionally. Cal's reaction to the news about Taylor could cause problems too. I feel mean for making Grace so manipulative when she might be about to die, but that's what she was like when I planned the story.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Tilly is very confused - Taylor's version of events explains a lot, but who could think Ethan is manipulative? I hadn't planned for Dylan K to go with Chloe, but I thought there was a good chance they'd meet and Chloe would recognise him and everything just kind of grew from there! Thank you for your review.

 **Casualty30** , thank you for your review. I plan to bring Connie and Jacob into the story in Chapter 78. They would have come into it sooner, but with all the extra characters, storylines, ideas and inspiration, this story is a lot longer I expected it to be.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for all your reviews! It was lovely to read them all and I'm glad you've enjoyed catching up. I think the general attitude towards transexuals is more accepting in 2030, though not to the extent where Luke is happy for everyone to know, but Dylan kind of takes acceptance to another level as she almost doesn't see him as a transexual - she just continues to see him as Luke. But that doesn't mean she'll accept infidelity! I hadn't thought about it till you made the point that she isn't so accepting of her own needs, but she's probably only allowing herself to object to possible infidelity because she can think of it as a general objection to infidelity rather than a personal one. I agree this probably is the first time she's put herself in a position where she can be hurt. Ignoring her health wasn't quite so sensible, but if she wants to be a doctor, she needs to be a bad patient!

I'm glad you like the new, responsible Cal - he showed with baby Matilda and Emilie that he can step up so I can imagine him doing the same with Ethan, but I wanted him still to be impulsive and emotional at times - like when he shouts at Dixie and rushes off to look for Matilda. I'm glad you didn't see the Taylor twist coming. I love the way you saw the positives in Taylor's lie - yes, she lied, but not as much as she used to! I'm really glad you thought the warning related to something else - I thought I'd given too much away! I would imagine the police have some sympathy for Cal and they can see he and Matilda really love each other, but they can also see there are times when Cal doesn't help himself.

Louis' back story... there's something else I've forgotten to think about! Thank you for reminding me. I nearly forgot about the Ella/Ash/Lily situation and Luke and Maya! I'm also really happy that you can see the good in Louis, even though there are reasons to distrust him. I've been wondering for ages why Alicia didn't have kids of her own, but luckily I thought of something!I hope you don't mind such a long reply.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm really relieved you think I've handled Luke's story sensitively. I am in constant terror of offending someone. I feel guilty for giving Ethan and Lily such a sad storyline, but Lily is so stubborn and Ethan was completely broken - they needed something 'bigger' than their own personal unhappiness to bring them together. You've probably had the experience where characters won't do what you want so you have to invent something to give them an extra push! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan gently moved away from Luke and leaned back against the pillows. She knew Luke cared about her. She believed every word he'd said about Maya. It wasn't even a shock.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Luke tentatively reached out a hand towards her, but he withdrew it before he made contact. "I'm sorry, Dylan."

Dylan swallowed hard and turned to face him. "I know it's difficult. Breaking up with someone is horrible. But you can't be with both of us."

"I know," said Luke unhappily. "I'll tell her when I get back."

"Well, I'm certainly not suggesting you do it via text!" said Dylan. "In some ways, it would be more sensible as it avoids the horrible moment afterwards where the person you've broken up with is hurting and trying desperately not to show it and you're standing there awkwardly, trying to work out how to make a graceful exit (which by the way is almost always impossible), but society has decided it's cowardly not to do it face-to-face and we have to go along with it."

"I think Maya will be more put out than hurt," said Luke. "But I can't be sure about that. Is that your phone?" He passed Dylan her bag, clearly relieved to change the subject.

Dylan couldn't blame him. "It's your brother."

Luke smiled. "You've got the Doctor Who theme tune when my brother rings you?"

Dylan took her phone out of her bag. "It seemed appropriately ironic. Hi, Dylan."

"We're going to be a bit late," said Dylan K. "There was a medical emergency."

"Really?" said Dylan excitedly. "What happened?"

"A cardiac arrest." Dylan K sounded tired. "We lost him."

Dylan's excitement vanished. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course." The complete lack of sarcasm suggested otherwise. "We'll be there as soon as we can."

* * *

Cal looked at the policeman in horror. "What _about_ Taylor? Why are you asking me about _her_?"

"Taylor is the injured woman Matilda helped."

Cal jumped to his feet. "WHAT? She spoke to Matilda? She involved Matilda in her... her..."

"Dr Knight, I know this must be very upsetting. But if you want to help Matilda - and yourself - you need to stay calm."

Cal felt a tightness in his chest. He didn't want to calm down, but he knew the policeman was right. "You've got to get Matilda away from her. Taylor is a liar. She could tell her anything. About her; about me…"

"Do you think Matilda is likely to listen?"

"She might," said Cal. He sighed. "I'd better tell you. Taylor is Matilda's mother. She's the one who gave Matilda to me, saying she was probably mine. I know she wants Matilda back because she told me – and considering Matilda and I have both met Taylor in unexpected places recently, I think there's a good chance she's been following us." He looked closely at the policeman. "But you probably know that already. Taylor was the one who reported me to police, wasn't she?"

* * *

The silence seemed to go on forever. Everything stopped, including the pain. And yet there was still agony twisting inside Lily. She could be about to lose her baby – and her husband too.

"What happened?" said Ethan at last. He sounded about the same age as Caleb.

"I don't know," whispered Lily. "I was drunk."

She heard Ethan's shaky breathing. "Then how can you know you didn't sleep with him?"

Lily tried to be glad he was still talking to her. "I can't be completely sure. But I asked Alicia for a morning after pill. She told me I was pregnant – I had no idea – but she also said there was no evidence I'd had sex last night."

"Then you almost certainly didn't," said Ethan unsteadily. "And I honestly don't think you would. But…"

Lily looked up to see a tear working down Ethan's cheek. She was crying too. "I'm so sorry."

Ethan brushed a trembly hand across his face. "Can you remember anything?"

* * *

Matilda thought that if she sat very still, maybe none of this would be real. This morning, Cal had been her dad. An adoptive dad, but still a dad. This evening, he really was her dad. Assuming Taylor was telling the truth.

It was also possible Taylor was her mum. She'd had a baby girl on the day Matilda was born.

She'd thought at first that Taylor couldn't be telling the truth about Ethan, but Matilda realised she couldn't be sure what the 'real' Ethan was like. She only knew the depressed Ethan, who'd been deserted by his wife and was so lost and confused, he accidentally stole from shops and went out in his pyjamas.

But it seemed impossible. Ethan had been so kind to Matilda.

Except… he hadn't. Not always. He'd told Matilda to leave Cal alone. He'd told her the only 'Matilda' in Cal's life was their mother. He'd also kicked off when Matilda had called her toy sheep Taylor.

But he'd helped her away from the edge of the roof, even though he was terrified of heights and could easily have used that as an excuse for leaving her. And despite his own problems, he'd been caring towards his brother, his children and to Matilda.

"Hello. Are you Matilda?"

She looked up to see a man in scrubs. "Yes,"

He smiled shyly. "I'm David. I'm looking after Taylor."

* * *

Iain had quite liked the idea at first, but now they were actually inside the ED – where they technically had no right to be - he was beginning to have reservations.

Rita's eyes sparkled as she dragged him into her office (which she'd done on numerous occasions over the years, but not usually for this reason). She looked absolutely beautiful – but Iain could tell she was getting carried away. When Rita got carried away, it often led to trouble.

Rita powered it up her computer. David – although still only Band 6 by choice – was nominally in charge this evening, but he always steered well clear of Rita's office. "Look at this, Ethan! When Dylan was admitted with an infection, Dylan was her doctor."

"That's a coincidence," said Iain. "She'd go to the first available doctor."

"He wasn't her doctor when she got appendicitis though," said Rita, disappointed. She searched for Lottie-Daniela Andrews. "But he _was_ Lottie's doctor when she dislocated her shoulder!" She tried Ariana Walker. "He hasn't been Ariana's doctor recently, but… hang on. It says Dylan was involved in the handover. How could she do that?"

"Because Dixie let her," said Iain. "She knew she'd do a good job. Completely fooled Lily. Listen, Rita. I've been thinking. Dylan could have got all this information just from talking to her friends."

Rita opened a new window. Iain saw she was going on facebook and closed his eyes. He opened them again when he heard Rita gasp. "Iain, there's a new entry. About Matilda. And _Ethan_."

* * *

Connor checked the roof first.

It was an undeniable fact that anyone at the hospital who felt seriously unhappy had a fair chance of ending up on the roof. This didn't always meant they intended to throw themselves off it: it was often just somewhere to go, but either way, it was always sensible to check there first.

Ella was sitting cross-legged near the edge. Her head was lowered and although she made no sound, her shoulders were shaking slightly. Connor hurried over and sat beside her.

"Hey," he said softly, feeling pain inside him as he saw the tears on her cheeks.

She looked up at him, surprised. "You cancelled Grace then."

"Yeah, I did." Connor smiled at her. "You need me."

Ella wiped her face and turned to face him. "Do you think my dad tried to kill himself?"

"It's impossible to be sure," said Connor. "No-one saw him fall as far as we know."

"He's been depressed for such a long time," said Ella.

Connor put his arm around her and felt her leaning against him. "Has he tried to kill himself before?"

Ella sniffled. "Once or twice. Not for a long time."

"That might be a positive sign," said Connor. "Not everyone who's depressed makes attempts."

"But sometimes they do." Ella cuddled closer to him. "I'm glad you cancelled."

Connor held her close to him. "Me too."

* * *

The traffic had been horrendous. Dixie let out a sigh of relief as she finally arrived at the ED. She stopped briefly at the ambulance station, but Jez wasn't there: he must be out on a call.

Dixie looked around the waiting room, but she couldn't see Matilda. Perhaps she was in the loo. She'd been waiting only a very short time when David appeared. He made eye contact and quickly came over.

"Dixie, Matilda is with Taylor, the lady she helped. Taylor says she's Matilda's biological mum."

"I hope you're not taking her word for it," said Dixie.

David looked uncomfortable. "Matilda wanted to see her."

Dixie knew the hospital staff had no reason to doubt Taylor's word, but still, it was irresponsible and potentially dangerous. Dixie and Jess were Matilda's current guardians. No-one else had any rights. "Can I see Matilda?"

David nodded and led the way to Taylor's room. Matilda was sitting standing beside the bed, holding Taylor's hand.

Dixie went over to her and smiled. "Hi, Matilda. Are you okay, lovely?"

Matilda nodded. "I'm okay." She regarded Dixie warily.

"Don't worry. I'm not angry," said Dixie. "Sometimes you do need to get away - but we can talk about that later." She turned to Taylor. "You must be Taylor. I'm Dixie, Matilda's guardian."

"Please don't take my daughter away from me," said Taylor.

Dixie spoke soothingly. "I can understand why you feel like that and we can have a chat about that in a minute, but I'd like a quick word with Matilda if that's okay. We'll stay by the door so you can see us."

Taylor hesitated, then nodded. "Okay."

"I won't be long," promised Matilda, and left the room with Dixie. "I'm sorry, Dixie. For running away."

Dixie gave her a hug. "It's all right, lovely. It was all a misunderstanding, which I hope we can sort out later, but I need to say something about Taylor. You've been very brave and I know Cal will be proud, but David says there's no actual proof Taylor's your mother."

There was defensiveness in Matilda's eyes. "She knows my birthday and she knows Cal."

"That does sound... promising," said Dixie, "but you know what rules can be like. I can't accept her word for it without some kind of official confirmation. There are all kinds of rules about fostering and if I want to keep doing it, I need to follow the rules. Now, I need to have a chat with Taylor as I promised, but I'd like to take you home fairly soon. You've had a long day."

"I don't want to go," said Matilda in a little voice. "I want to stay with my mum."


	77. Chapter 77

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I think you're probably right about Taylor - even if she genuinely wants to be part of Matilda's life now, she's not the most reliable person in the world. Cal and Dixie will have to deal with this very carefully - so Cal will have to be very calm and mature. That could be a problem.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I have found people with depression to be the best friends. On the whole, I find them much easier to connect with. Most people with depression are very understanding and caring and it's sad so many people don't realise that. Tilly probably doesn't know who to trust. She probably knows Dixie means well, but, a foster mother can't compete with a real mother. I imagine Tilly has always wanted her real mum. It also doesn't help that she sees Taylor as the honest one and Cal as the one who hides things from her! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I agree with you, but I doubt many people in Matilda's situation would make the logical choice rather than the emotional one. Dylan might, but not many people would! I'm sure the evidence helps Ethan, but something probably happened even if they didn't sleep together.

 **EDSidekick** , unfortunately, Matilda takes after her dad where Taylor is concerned! It's difficult for Cal because even when he's in the right, he's usually done something wrong that muddies the waters. Feel free to make guesses about anything if you want to - you might give me a brilliant idea! I do know you love little Caleb, so I've decided to bring him back in Chapter 79. Rita is definitely risking all sorts of trouble and it is pointless. Ethan has a big decision to make and he's not really in the right frame of mind for making it - so whatever he decides, he might change his mind later, creating more turmoil for Lily. I'm glad you like bratty Grace. Thank you for your review.

 **I** **nfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Taylor is certainly capable of twisting everything to her advantage and as Cal is always doing the right thing in the wrong way, so even if he has no feelings for her, he's going to be vulnerable. It would be helpful if Lily could remember what happened - as long as Ethan believes her.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your reviews. Even if I knew Taylor was telling the truth, I would be suspicious - if she's talking to me, the chances are she's after something and the lies might come later. I think you're advice to Matilda is very good - but I can't promise she'll listen.

 **Applealice10** , I thought it was time Dylan found out the truth about Luke's girlfriend - she's done a great job of ignoring the problem up till now, but it's not going to go away. I think in Tilly's position you're often either going to trust no-one or be desperately looking around for the person she can trust. Tilly has chosen the wrong person to trust! Thank you for your review.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you think Dylan is convincing as a future doctor. I think I'd be quite happy to be treated by her. She can be a bit scary, but I hope she also seems caring. I'm so happy you find Cal's storyline gripping. As usual, part of the mess is his fault, which makes it even scarier for him!

* * *

Matilda trembled as she said the words. She didn't want Dixie to be angry, but Taylor had begged her not to leave and the more time Matilda spent with her, the easier it was to believe she was her mum. She _loved_ Matilda. No woman had ever before.

Taylor knew how that felt. Nobody loved her either – and that made Matilda want to love her even more.

"Matilda, we don't know Taylor's your mum," said Dixie gently.

"But she knew my birthday. And she says Cal's my dad!"

Dixie looked like she wasn't sure what to say. "Matilda, even if Taylor did have a baby who was born on the same day as you and even if Cal was the father, that doesn't mean the baby was you. Matilda is a very common name."

"But they love me," said Matilda. "Why would they love me if I wasn't theirs?"

"It sounds like you've been really sweet and supportive to both of them," said Dixie. "It's natural that they'd love you for that. But you're in my care and I can't even begin to think about letting you see Taylor or Cal until there's some official proof. I'm sorry - I know Cal would never hurt you and I'm certainly not saying that Taylor will, but I still have to follow the rules. If Taylor and Cal gave you up for adoption, they don't have any rights."

"But Taylor didn't want to give me up for adoption!" said Matilda. "Someone stole me. I'm sure it wasn't Cal and Ethan - they were obviously tricked too - but someone took me away from Taylor."

* * *

Ethan had to look away. He stared at the wall, trying to control his emotions.

Lily was sobbing quietly.

His wife, who had spent the night in another man's bed.

It hurt. It _really_ hurt - but Ethan had to ask himself: had she really done anything wrong? Lily had believed their marriage was over. She hadn't been living with Ethan at the time she'd met Ash. Didn't that mean she was free to seek comfort from another man if she needed it?

And as Alicia had found no signs of recent sexual intercourse, it probably had been no more than comfort.

But they could have been intimate in other ways and if Lily was in his bed, perhaps the intention had been there. Could she really have done even that much if she loved Ethan?

And if she didn't love him, what would it mean for their future? A future that looked bleak even with Lily in it?

Ethan closed his eyes and tried to think things through. Lily getting drunk… yes, he could imagine that. She wasn't a regular drinker, but she did occasionally go overboard after a bad day. Lily sleeping with Ash, or even just kissing him… Ethan shook his head. No matter how drunk Lily was; no matter how convinced she was that her marriage to Ethan was over, he couldn't see it.

For one thing, a drunken Lily was very quick to fall asleep. Ethan usually had to carry her from the car to their bed. Much as he hated the thought of it, it wasn't unlikely Ash had done the same. The chances were that she would have slept until morning.

For another… Ethan sat back down beside his wife. There were tears in his eyes, but his voice was steady. "It's okay, Lily. You were alone and unhappy. You had nowhere to go. Your former mentor offered you a bed for the night." He took Lily's hands in his. "I believe that was all it was." He looked into her eyes. "I love you, Lily, and I _know_ you. I know you didn't sleep with Ash."

* * *

Dylan could tell the nurse meant business, but that was okay. Dylan meant business too.

"I do understand the necessity of visiting hours, but I think it would be inadvisable to remove Luke from the hospital," said Dylan. "He's only fifteen and he lives in Holby. That's near Wales, by the way. Not everyone's heard of it. A lot of people seem to be under the impression it's not a real place." Dylan realised she was digressing. That wasn't like her. "We came here for a couple of hours in order to visit Luke's mother, who is a patient here. It's hardly Luke's fault I've been admitted to hospital and he can't go home - his brother, who is his guardian, asked him to stay with me. The only person Luke knows in East London is his mother. I suppose you could send him down to the ED waiting room with all the drunks and violent people who keep beating each other up, but that doesn't seem like a very safe environment for a fifteen-year-old boy."

She felt Luke squeeze her hand and a slight smile flickered across his face. He loved it when Dylan took control of everyone, but it amused him at the same time because he knew she really couldn't help it. He might even tease her about it later. Dylan didn't mind. The line between confidence and arrogance was thin and she knew she could cross it if she wasn't careful. Luke would help keep her feet on the ground.

The nurse was starting to look a bit panicky. "Well, as I said, it's past visiting hours. He's not supposed to be here. Especially not alone with a female patient."

"I hope you're not making the mistake of assuming that every teenage boy is only interested in sex," said Dylan. "That could be considered rather insulting, though I'm sure you don't mean it that way. But I can understand if you're wary of breaking the rules. I personally believe that rules should be disregarded whenever common sense dictates – but I can see your point of view. Why don't you find your nursing manager and ask what they think? Or ask them to come and talk to me. That might be better." She smiled at the nurse. "I'll leave it up to you."

* * *

Robyn was falling in love with Lofty all over again - not that she'd ever fallen out of love with him. He spoke about Louis with such compassion and understanding. Respect too. Whatever Louis' past was, he'd been good to Robyn and the children. Lofty recognised it and appreciated it.

"So, we need to make a decision," said Lofty, "but it doesn't have to be now. Take as much time as you need. If you need weeks, months – that's fine. Years, even. It's a lot to take in and even though Louis was never anything but friendly and helpful, he did hide his identity from you – and you worked closely with his dad for years. If you don't want to see him anymore, no-one can blame you for that." He smiled. "And if you do want to see him again, no-one can blame you for that either. Sometimes people do change."

Robyn nodded. "I think he has changed. He was different. Maybe a bit odd, but he must have been lonely."

"I'm sure he was," said Lofty.

"I like him," said Robyn slowly. "I'm grateful for his help."

"So am I."

"And maybe he wasn't ready to tell the truth... not everyone hides things for a bad reason. I'm sure he wasn't going home and laughing because stupid Robyn still didn't know who he was."

"No, I'm quite sure he wasn't," said Lofty. He hugged her. "How about we give him a call in a couple of weeks?"

"We should," agreed Robyn. Then she sighed and dropped the pretence. "But I don't want to."

* * *

Rita's voice shook slightly. "It says Matilda split Ethan and Lily up – and now Lily's losing a baby that might not be Ethan's. I didn't know Lily was pregnant!"

"It might not be true," said Iain.

"We can find out easily enough," said Rita.

Iain's voice was firm. "No, Rita."

Rita looked at him in confusion. "Why not?"

"We can't find out this way. Lily and Ethan should be the ones to tell us - if and when they're ready." Iain looked deeply into her eyes. "I think we should leave now, Rita."

"Laeve?" Rita felt a stab of hurt. "I thought you wanted to find out who's doing this."

Iain's voice was gentle. "I do, Rita. But the police are handling it now. There's nothing we can do that they can't."

"But we've got information they haven't," said Rita. "Hardly anyone knows about Lily's baby. If we find out who treated her, we could narrow it down to just a couple of people." She opened another window. "Or if it is a kid that's doing this, they might be in the hospital now. It could be Dylan: she could have posted the London story to throw us off the scent. And Matilda: I can't see her and Cal letting each other go without a fight. I'll look to see if anyone close to them - like Dylan's mum or Cal - has been admitted."

" _No!_ "

The harshness of Iain's voice caused Rita to stop. "What's wrong?"

"Rita, you're obsessing," said Iain. His eyes were pleading. "You've got to let this go. Or you know what will happen. You know what it'll do to you."

* * *

David had known she would still be here. He'd told her to go some time ago, but she was still in the relative's room, typing furiously on her phone.

"Are you texting Noel?" he asked, more in hope than anything.

Louise looked up. There were tears in her eyes. "No. Just a friend."

David sat beside her, pretending not to notice the way Louise clutched her phone to her chest. "You need to go home, Louise."

"I can't!" said Louise.

"You need to sleep," said David. "You're exhausted."

The tears came then. "I am so tired, David. So tired."

* * *

Cal desperately scanned the waiting room, but there was no Matilda.

 _Where is she?_

"Cal." Zoe appeared at his side. "Are you here to see Lily and Ethan?"

The guilt inside Cal intensified, but Lily and Ethan had each other. Matilda had no-one. He was the only person who could tell her the truth. "Is Matilda here?"

Zoe hesitated. "Yes. She's in Resus, but she's not a patient."

Cal's voice was sharp with anxiety. "Is she with Taylor?"

"Cal, listen to me."

"Just answer the question! Please."

"Yes, but Dixie's there too," said Zoe. "I'm sorry. I'd stepped out for a minute and one of the nurses found Matilda and took her to Taylor."

"Oh God." Cal was about to run, but Zoe stepped in front of him, catching his arms.

"Cal, I know you want to be with Matilda. I think you're the one person she might actually listen to. But please – calm down. Whatever Taylor's done, she's mentally unwell and Matilda's a very vulnerable child. I am going to let you see her, even though I shouldn't, but my first priority is to my patient. If you can't keep calm, you'll have to leave."

Cal nodded, trying to appear in control. "I love Matilda. I want to do what's best for her."

Zoe hesitated, then nodded. Together, they went to Resus.

Matilda and Dixie were standing outside, talking.

"Please let me stay here, Dixie!" Matilda was saying. "Please let me stay with my mum. She needs me."


	78. Chapter 78

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal would be heartbroken and I'm afraid he did hear - I'm sorry that wasn't clear. I think Ethan has so much to worry about already, the past doesn't seem very important. But it's possible that when things are calmer, the doubts might start creeping in.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it is difficult for Tilly - we know who to trust because we know Cal and Taylor, but she doesn't have our knowledge. I think the plan is still that he'll come back, but Lee Mead is so busy. A meeting between Cal and Taylor will probably be quite volatile! So I'd better make sure I write it. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I was thinking Matilda took after Cal rather than Taylor, but maybe she has inherited traits from both of them! It's difficult - she's effectively got three parents fighting over her and she doesn't really know any of them. I wish I was more like little Dylan - she has her wobbles but she always copes.

 **westlife4ever80** , unfortunately for Louis, even if he has turned over a new left, it will always be difficult for him to get people he used to know to trust him. They can't forget what he was like before - and everyone loved, Charlie, of course. Parent-child relationships are so complicated - just as Matilda! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm relieved Dylan always comes across well - I'm never quite sure if she's impressive or rude! Robyn probably did make the right choice. It's sad for Louis if he did mean well, but he went about things in the wrong way. I hope this chapter has a proper cliffhanger too, but I think it's quite improper. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Of all the things Cal could have overheard, that was probably the worst! Dylan K warrives in this chapter then there will be a couple of scenes between the two Dylans. I wonder what would happen if Dylan tried telling Connie what to do. I might have to write something about that.

* * *

"Cal?!" gasped Matilda.

Cal was trembling.

Taylor had got to Matilda.

Taylor had told her… well, Cal had no idea what she'd told her, but he doubted very much it was the truth.

Dixie stepped between them. "I'm sorry, both of you. I know you need each other. But until Cal's been investigated-"

"It was Taylor who reported me," broke in Cal. "Because she wanted Matilda back."

"Are you sure about that?" said Dixie. "I'm sure the police wouldn't have told you."

Cal tried not to show his impatience. "Of course they didn't confirm it, but it's obvious, isn't it? Who else would want to hurt me?"

Matilda shook her head. "No. She wouldn't do that. She loves you, Cal."

Cal looked at Dixie. "Please can I talk to my daughter? It's really important. I want to protect her and there are things she needs to know about Taylory."

Dixie hesitated and stepped aside.

"Thanks," said Cal. He held Matilda's hands. "Tilly, I don't want to hurt you. That's the very last thing I want. But Taylor… she's done a lot of bad things in her life and one thing she's done a lot of is telling lies."

"She says she's my mum," said Matilda. "And you're my dad."

"She… she is your mum," admitted Cal. "She told me I was your dad, but I had a paternity test and I'm not. I was distraught. I loved you so much. I thought giving you away was the right thing to do, but I've spent my whole life regretting it. I love you, Matilda, and I want to be your dad again. I want that more than anything."

Matilda stared at him. "So, it wasn't Ethan who made you give me away?"

"Ethan?" Cal was startled. "No! Ethan wanted me to keep you, but I wasn't thinking straight."

"But he persuaded you to take me away from my mum?" said Matilda.

Cal shook his head. "He wasn't there. You and Taylor went to sleep in my arms – and when I woke up, it was just me and you."

* * *

Dylan K was tired. So, so tired. He was expecting another battle to be allowed to see Dylan and Hazel, but to his surprise, the nursing manager knew who they were and took them straight up to see Dylan. "Your brother's with her, Dr Keogh. It's past visiting hours, but Dylan convinced me it was for the best to let him stay."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Chloe. "Dylan means well, but she's very… proactive."

"No, don't apologise. She talks sense, your daughter. Here you are: we put her in this little room here."

The nurse left them to it. Dylan was lying in bed, looking calm and happy. Dylan K wasn't sure why he'd expected anything else.

"Hey, come in!" said Dylan. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry for dragging you both up here. It doesn't sound like you had a good journey at all, but it is nice to see you. Would you like some tea or something?"

Dylan K found he was smiling. "So, you're running _this_ hospital too."

"No, she just owns it," said Luke, with a teasing smile.

"No. I'm just _acting_ like I own it," said Dylan. "That's very different. I get all the fun and none of the work… not that I mind work, but it's nice to get a break every now and then."

Chloe hugged her daughter. "Are you okay, Dylan?"

"I'm fine," said Dylan. "Don't worry. The hospital staff panicked."

"I hope you haven't been telling the doctors how to do their jobs again," said Chloe.

Luke smiled. "No. Just the nurses."

"Well… the nurse we spoke to didn't seem annoyed," admitted Chloe. She smiled at Luke. "I would thank you for looking after my daughter, but I don't suppose she let you do that! So thank you for staying with her."

"He phoned for help when I collapsed," said Dylan. "That was probably looking after me. Even if it was under my instructions."

Luke squeezed Dylan's hand and smiled at Chloe. "I'm just going to talk to my brother."

"Okay, but don't let him sneak off without talking to me," said Dylan.

"I'm sure he wouldn't dare." Luke kissed Dylan on the cheek and he and Dylan K left the room, though they weren't quick enough to avoid hearing Chloe telling Dylan that Luke was adorable.

Luke was squirming visibly. Dylan K was almost amused. But then the embarrassed look was replaced by a smile. "Dylan, I _told_ her."

"You mean about…" Dylan K had always had a feeling Dylan would react well, but he'd honestly never expected things to reach that stage. Luke had had girlfriends before, but he'd always broken up with them before things had got serious.

Luke nodded. "She's fine with it. She's realistic, but she says it's not a problem now so we should just enjoy being together and deal with any problems if and when they happen."

"Yes: I would say that's a very good way of looking at it," said Dylan K. He paused. "Not that you need my approval: you're fifteen; you're almost a man. But I approve."

* * *

Rita found Zoe talking to one of the locums, who was fussing about not knowing the fire rules. Rita smiled: the locum reminded her a bit of a young Ethan Hardy. He always liked to do things by the book.

Though maybe there was a hint of Caleb Knight about him too: Ethan would probably have thanked Zoe meekly and slunk away by now, but this doctor wasn't giving up so easily.

Being a locum herself, Zoe probably wasn't completely sure where this information could be found and she looked relieved to see Rita.

"You can find posters all over the hospital – the nearest one is behind the reception desk," said Rita.

The locum thanked her and walked off.

"Thanks, Rita," said Zoe. "You're a lifesaver." They shared a smile because it was actually true.

"Can we go somewhere private?" Rita really wanted to get out of the way before Iain realised she hadn't really gone to the loo.

Zoe looked as though there were a million other things she should be doing, which was probably true, but she led Rita to the clinical lead's office. The door said _Dr Lily Hardy, clinical lead_ in large letters. Underneath that, in smaller letters: _Dr Ethan Hardy, consultant_ '."

Rita teared up slightly as she wondered if either of them would ever come back.

Zoe was looking at her in concern. "What's wrong, Rita?"

Rita went straight to the point. "Confidential information about patients is being posted on the internet."

That got Zoe's attention. "You mean we've been hacked?"

"No. This is much smaller and focused on specific individuals," said Rita. "Most of them children." She sighed. "I think a member of staff is involved."

* * *

Alicia leaned across to kiss Sam. "Thanks for bringing me here."

"No problem," said Sam. "Listen, if you want me to stay=, I'm sure Charlie will be fine on his own."

Alicia thought for a moment, but she shook her head. "No. I can do this. But thanks, babe."

The worry didn't fade from Sam's face. "Whatever happens, it's going to be emotional. Are you sure you can deal with that?"

"I'm sure," said Alicia. She wasn't sure at all, but she knew she couldn't deal with knowing she'd left Lily. She kissed Sam again and hurried into the hospital before she could change her mind.

* * *

Ella had always felt comfortable with Connor. She felt some of the older doctors looked down on her and far too many of them could remember her as a rebellious teenager. But when Connor had joined the hospital a couple of months ago, she'd felt instantly that here was someone on her wavelength.

The fact he was good-looking was also a positive, but it hadn't been long before Grace had got her claws into him. Ella hadn't been sure if that meant he was a pushover or if he had very high standards Ella couldn't hope to reach, but she'd made up her mind at that point that she would be friends with Connor and no more. She was too old for him anyway. It was much better to be friends. Friendship lasted.

Or sometimes it did. Most of Ella's friends had faded away and she only saw them when they were patients in the ED. A lot of her former friends were still on drugs. They hadn't found a reason to give them up.

"I'm sorry I ruined your evening," said Ella, trying not to think about how comfortable her head felt on Connor's shoulder.

"You didn't," said Connor. "Not at all."

"Are you sure Grace didn't mind?"

"Grace understood the situation." Connor stroked her shoulder. "Ella, I don't want to push you. I know it's really hard to see your dad like that, but-"

Ella's eyes filled with tears. "I can't go back in there, Connor. I can't."

"Do you think you can tell me why?" said Connor, his voice gentle.

"Because… I'm scared," whispered Ella.

"That's completely natural."

"I'm scared it's my fault."

* * *

Zoe had known it for a while, but she hadn't wanted to admit it - not even to herself. The situation here was more than she could handle. Cal, Ethan and Lily would almost certainly be in no state to work for a while and she didn't know when Dylan K was likely to be back. There was no way Ethan would come back and do a couple of shifts while Lily was in hospital. Especially not after what she'd heard about Ethan's symptoms.

Zoe wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to work either. Her daughter was being targetted. A part of her wanted to stay here so she could help find the culprit, but what if Ariana needed her?

Zoe didn't know if Ariana had seen the facebook site, but there were a lot of things on there that could upset her.

 _I can't do this on my own_ , realised Zoe. _I need help. And I don't mean more locums. If there is a leak, it's probably a locum so the last thing we need is more of them._

It had to be a locum. It couldn't be anyone Zoe knew and she couldn't agree with Rita's suggestion that it might be little Dylan. Dylan would never want to hurt anyone, particularly not her friends. Zoe didn't think it was Matilda either. She was far too sweet and she wouldn't have the nerve.

But whoever was behind it all, the hospital needed more doctors – and as locums weren't an option, there was only one thing Zoe could do.

Sidestepping several locums with promises she'd be five minutes tops, Zoe ducked into Lily's office and got out her phone. She didn't even know if the number she had was current, but she had to try.

It rang. It rang. It went to voicemail.

"Connie, it's Zoe. Please phone me as soon as you get this. I'm at Holby ED and I need help."


	79. Chapter 79

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think Cal's version will be quite hurtful for Matilda, but I think it's a positive he's been honest about his mistakes. It is hard for Rita - Iain doesn't realise how hard, though he does care. I had to make Dylan and Luke happy - most of the couples aren't! You'll be seeing Connie very soon...

 **westlife4ever80** , Zoe would have hated calling Connie, but at least she didn't try to handle things alone and cause a bigger mess. Zoe has so many wonderful qualities and the ED needs her, but she's not a clinical lead. But it might have been even worse for Cal, telling Matilda he gave her away. Thank you for your review.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're finding this exciting! Yes, it is similar to the time when Connie called Zoe after Jeff died. I think Connie and Zoe are incredible doctors and incredible people, but they have very different qualities - rather like Lily and Ethan - and the ED needs both of them.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Max will try his hardest to support Zoe, but he won't change overnight - and this is likely to be quite a long night! My doctors are always breaching confidentiality, which I don't find acceptable, but Zoe and Connie would take it very seriously. I'm going to make you wait for Cal and Matilda's next scene! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , Matilda will be very confused - especially as Cal has admitted to withholding information, which never creates a good impression. I'm glad you liked Dylan K telling Luke he approved of his new relationship - I think that's the closest he's likely to get to a big emotional speech! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal is the only dad - and really the only parent - Matilda has ever known. I think a lot of people see that he and Matilda really love each other and that's why Dixie and the police are so anxious for him to keep out of trouble. The problem with Cal is that he doesn't always stick to the rules!

 **Applealice10** , I'll see what I can do about a Connie-Dylan showdown! Connie is a brilliant character. I missed her in this story. Tilly shouldn't have been allowed to stay with Taylor, but David only knows Taylor's version of what happened; it hasn't been officially proved who Matilda is, and no-one's properly in charge, so I don't think anyone knows quite what to do! Connie is going to have a lot to sort out when she arrives! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Jacob glanced across at Connie's phone as it began to ring again. "I really think you should-"

" _I_ think you should carry on with what you're doing, Senior Charge-Nurse Masters," said Connie.

Jacob had been rather enjoying what he was doing, but Connie's phone had been ringing regularly for the last half-hour. That told him something was wrong. "I'll tell you what, Mrs Masters. How about you look and see who's phoning you and then I'll do something even better than what I was just doing."

Interest came to Connie's eyes. "You think you can do better than that?"

"I'm going to give it a good, hard try," said Jacob.

"Sounds intriguing," said Connie, her eyes sparkling as she rubbed her leg against Jacob's, making him gasp. "But answering the phone involves moving. I'm in a bubble bath with you. Why would I want to move?"

"Well, that is a good question," admitted Jacob.

Connie's phone stopped ringing. A few minutes later, Jacob's phone started.

"Now, something has got to be very wrong if they're calling _me_ ," said Jacob. He reluctantly disentangled his limbs from Connie's and got out of the bath and stood dripping on the mat as he reached for the phone. "Zoe," he said thoughtfully. "Zoe Walker…"

Connie's look of annoyance changed to concern. "I wonder what Zoe could want."

* * *

Lily wanted to believe everything was okay between her and Ethan. She needed to believe it. There was so much that wasn't okay.

But could he really have accepted the situation so easily?

Ethan might believe Ash had only offered her friendship, but even Lily couldn't be sure. _I don't deserve this wonderful man. Even if Ash and I did nothing, I don't deserve Ethan._

Tears dripped down her cheeks. She felt Ethan gently wiping them away. "I'm here, darling. Is the pain worse?"

"Not really," said Lily brokenly.

Ethan wrapped his arms around her. "Keep hoping, Lily. Keep hoping and wishing and praying and everything you can."

"I don't deserve this baby."

"Of course you do," said Ethan. "You are a wonderful mother, wife, doctor, person… you deserve this baby in every way. And if our baby has to go and live with its big sister and its grandparents, then it won't be because you don't deserve to be a mother again. Because you _do_ deserve it. More than anything."

They heard a knock on the door. Alicia was standing there awkwardly. "Hey. How are you?"

Lily had been slightly annoyed to discover Alicia had left her, but that had kind of got lost in all the other feelings. Now, her anger hit her with a force that surprised her. "So, you came back."

"I… I wanted to see how you were," stammered Alicia.

"It's a shame you weren't more concerned about me before," said Lily tartly.

"I'm sorry!" said Alicia. "I had to go home. Charlie had a girl in his room. Sam needed my support…"

Lily glared at her. "Yes, that is much more serious than your best friend possibly miscarrying!"

* * *

Iain's suspicions had been growing for a while. When he'd asked a patient to look for his wife and been told there was no-one called Rita in the loos, his suspicions were confirmed.

 _How could I have been so stupid?_ he asked himself as he ran a hand through his hair. He knew what Rita was like. An amazing mother. An amazing wife. An amazing nurse. But she sometimes got carried away – and it was only a short step from there to obsession.

Iain didn't blame Rita. She couldn't help it. But _he_ could have done something to stop it.

"Hey," said a voice. He looked into Rita's adorably guilty face.

"What have you been up to?" said Iain, smiling despite his concern.

"I… ran into Zoe and we got talking," said Rita.

Iain sighed. "You told her, didn't you?"

"Does it matter?" said Rita. "The police will probably tell her tomorrow anyway."

Iain tried to contain his frustration. It wouldn't help and he wasn't really frustrated anyway. Just scared to death about the trouble Rita might be getting herself into.

"She thinks it's probably a locum," said Rita. "I think she could be right. At least one of them has a kid at Alfie's school. Though I do still wonder about the Dylans. She's clever enough to do anything and he hasn't looked quite right lately."

 _And he's not the only one!_ thought Iain, his concern tinged with distress now. "Come on, Rita. Let's go home. You've told the police; you've told Zoe – you don't need to do any more."

* * *

Dylan hadn't been sure how Chloe and Luke would react to her idea that Chloe should meet Hazel. It was a very weak idea by her standards and if Hazel was asleep, they'd only be a few minutes.

But either Chloe and Luke were used to doing as she said or they'd guessed what she really wanted.

Dylan K barely waited for the door to close before asking: "Is everything all right? Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

Dylan wanted to hug him. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You know. After losing the patient."

"Yes, I'm okay," said Dylan K, a bit testily.

"I know not every patient can be saved," said Dylan. "And without meaning to be insulting in any sense, I imagine you've lost a similar number of patients to most doctors with your amount of experience."

Dylan K regarded her warily but said nothing.

"But I can't imagine that it gets easier," said Dylan. "Perhaps it gets easier not to show your feelings, but I don't believe you can ever reach a stage where you don't mind anymore."

"It can be more difficult to begin with," said Dylan K. "It's more difficult to accept a death. Easier to see it as a failure rather than an impossible task."

"So, you're completely okay with it?" said Dylan.

"Yes," said Dylan K.

"Would you think I was very rude if I told you I didn't believe you?"

* * *

Louise stood on the doorstep, looking up at the house she'd shared with Noel since their marriage.

It hadn't always been just the two of them. Big Mac had stayed with them frequently until he'd started to find travelling too difficult. Honey, of course, had often made her home with them when she'd left her husbands, temporarily or otherwise. But it had mostly just been Louise and Noel, and Louise had liked it.

She'd been so happy when she'd overcome her fears and become a nurse again, but she'd always felt there was something missing. Something that the reception desk had given her that nursing didn't. Eventually, she'd realised that something was Noel.

When Louise wanted something, she usually went out and got it. Noel had been no exception. He'd been surprised but very happy.

They'd both been very happy.

But now…

Louise thought again of the text she'd received just before leaving the hospital. The text urging her to consider her own happiness. _You matter too Louise_ …

She wished she could be certain she still mattered to Noel.

* * *

Cal stormed through the doors and over to Taylor's bed. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

She flinched at his tone but lifted her chin defiantly. "Matilda's mother."

"Her birth mother, yes," spat Cal. "But you abandoned her. You abandoned any rights you had. Matilda is _not_ your child."

"She's not yours either," said Taylor. She held out her hand, her face and voice softening. "But she could be ours, Cal."

Cal looked into her shining, hopeful eyes and almost felt tempted. But only almost. "If you wanted Matilda to be ours, why did you report me?"

Taylor looked at him blankly. "Report you? You mean for living with Matilda? Of course I didn't!"

It sounded convincing – but Cal knew what she was like. "Who else could have done it?"

"Well, the obvious answer would be Matilda's adoptive parents."

Cal shook his head. "I don't think it was them. They haven't even reported her missing."

Shock came to Taylor's face. "They didn't even… what kind of monsters are they?"

Cal heard the tremor in her voice but felt little sympathy. "Matilda has had a lot of monsters in her life. But I intend to see that changes."

"I'm not a monster." Taylor's eyes filled with tears. "I love Matilda. I don't ever want to hurt her. And I didn't report you, Cal. I promise you I didn't report you. What use would it be? You said it yourself: I have no rights. You and Ethan are the only people who know I'm Matilda's mother. If I want to build a relationship with my daughter, why would I send her to strangers who don't know me when I could let her stay with a guy who's always been... good at listening to me?"

* * *

Lofty had only meant to spend a few minutes checking on Ava, but when she told him she felt sick, he stayed with her until the nausea had passed. By the time Lofty left her, Robyn was downstairs, feeding Noah and Sienna while Riley and Archie pretended to be wrestlers.

"Hey," said Robyn, meeting his eyes for a moment but then lowering them guiltily.

"It's okay," said Lofty. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. Seriously. You did the right thing, Robyn."

Robyn kept her eyes on the twins as she spoke. "I know you're disappointed. I know you liked him. So did I. But..."

"Of course I'm not disappointed," said Lofty. He'd surprised himself by liking Louis but the most important thing was Robyn and the children's safety.. "I'm proud of you for your honesty. I know it must have been tough because your instinct is to like everybody. But you put our kids first and that's just one reason why I love you."

* * *

Caleb and Alice were in bed and Daisy was in her room, most likely _not_ doing her homework. Jack had taken advantage of the opportunity to have phone sex with Jamie, though only in a very oblique way of course. Nothing that the kids would understand.

"I'm so hungry," said Jack. "I wouldn't mind some nuts to nibble on."

"But would they fill you up?" said Jamie.

Jack sniggered. "They're's just the starter. After that, I'll need a big, fat sausage inside me."

"Shame I can't give you one," said Jamie. "I'd turn the heat right up."

"Everything heats up so quickly with our equipment," said Jack. "Just twiddle the knob, stick it inside and bang."

"You always leave everything inside so long," said Jamie. "And everything gets hotter and hotter. Until it explodes."

Jack felt almost ready to explode just listening to him.

He heard Daisy's voice from the doorway. "Uncle Jack, can you stop being rude with Uncle Jamie for five minutes? Caleb's not very well."


	80. Chapter 80

**X-Sammii-X** , I thought it was about time to bring Jonnie into this! There's some Rita in this chapter too. Chloe, Luke and the Dylans feel almost like two parents and their kids, but there are so many reasons why it's not like that! I don't think Cal loves Taylor, but she's always had the power to fascinate him. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it would be awful if Caleb was seriously ill - he would feel even more uncomfortable than most kids in hospital and I'm making Ethan and Lily suffer so much already. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I hadn't consciously planned for everyone to be at a crossroads at this point, but I think you're right! Cal and Rita especially, though Rita's probably on the wrong path and we know what Cal's like where Taylor is concerned.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for all your reviews. I'm really glad you think Dylan was right about letting Luke stay. I think I've decided where the Louis storyline is going - let's say we haven't seen the last of him. Zoe and Connie very different and they don't always get on, but I love the way they appreciate each other's strengths. It's good Cal has told Matilda the truth, but you're right - she's young and very vulnerable and could easily make the wrong choice. The young locum does sound sweet, but he's probably about 10 years old now! I think adults often forget how much they knew when they were kids - though some, like me, are shocked by what they _didn't_ know! Cal must be lonely - he's always been so sociable and Taylor has always been able to enchant him. I'm glad you like the Chiltern family. And I love your rambling.

 **Tanith Panic** , Connie in the bath is quite a nice thought! She's probably getting on for sixty, but there are lots of beautiful older women. I like Louise so much more when she's vulnerable. She seems much more genuine. I feel mean making Caleb ill, but the ED needs patients even more than it needs doctors! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you liked the ending! I love double entendres. I suppose Dylan is quite like Connie - I bet she'd love to be clinical lead! She's already bossing the hospital staff around and helping to look after the patients. Connie will either love her or hate her! I'm glad you liked Cal and Taylor's scene. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **ShadowBlueLover** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Jack might work in a hospital reception, but that didn't mean he was comfortable with ill people. He'd only left his travel agency in order to return to the ED because he liked the idea of having sneaky meetings with Jamie in cupboards at work. "In what way ill?" he asked warily.

"He's been sick in his bed," said Daisy.

Jack groaned. "Oh, great. How absolutely f… flipping fantastic."

"You can swear if you want to," said Daisy. "I swear all the time at school. Are you going to come with me or are you going to sit there and panic? Because you're really not being very helpful."

"Is everything okay?" asked Jamie's voice in Jack's ear.

"Caleb's been sick," said Jack, not bothering to hide his horror. "Can you stay on the line in case I have to do something?"

Jamie's voice was soothing. "Of course I can. But I know you can deal with this. Do you know if there are any other symptoms?"

Jack relayed the question to Daisy, who thought for a moment.

"He's got a rash," she said.

"He's got a flipping rash!" Jack shouted into the phone.

He heard Jamie's intake of breath, then his soothing voice. "It's okay, Jack. You can deal with this. I know you can – but I can come over if you need me. Can you take some deep breaths for me? You sound like we've been having a bedroom marathon. That's better. Okay. I need you to go to Caleb and do exactly what I say."

* * *

Cal and Dixie had been watching Matilda for a while. Cal guessed Matilda needed some time to herself, but they wanted her to be safe.

It was only when her sobs became so loud, he could hear them from the entrance to the ED, that Cal's resolve crumbled. "I've got to be with her, Dixie. I've got to."

There was concern in Dixie's eyes and for a moment, Cal thought she was going to say no – and he knew he couldn't blame her if she did.

Then Dixie nodded. "Okay," she said quietly. "I shouldn't let you… but she's had a shock. She needs to be with someone she trusts. But I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on you."

"Thanks, Dixie!" Cal said in relief. He hugged her, then raced towards Matilda, but when he was nearly at Matilda's bench, his steps faltered. He'd lied to her – at least by omission. "Tilly?" he said nervously.

Matilda lifted her head. ""I don't know what to do!" she cried.

Cal saw the tears trickling down his cheeks and knew he'd helped to put them there. "I'm so sorry, Matilda. It's all my fault," he said as he sat beside her. "I should have been honest with you from the start."

But even as he said the words, he knew it would have been impossible. You couldn't tell a complete stranger you'd once believed she was your daughter. As with many secrets, it had always been too soon or too late.

"But how do I know what the truth is?" asked Matilda helplessly. "You say one thing; Taylor says another. The only thing you agree on is that Taylor's my mum. But Taylor can't be right about Ethan – so what if she's wrong about other things too?"

* * *

When Iain went to have a word with Alfie, Rita took her chance.

She scrolled through her phone until she'd found Max's number. "Hi, Max. This is going to sound like a weird question and you might not know the answer, but are any of Ariana's friends in hospital at the moment?"

If Max did think her question was weird, he gave no signs of it. "Dylan's in hospital in London. Dylan – Dr Keogh – has gone up to see her. His brother's there too. Zoe did say Matilda was at the hospital, but she's not a patient. She came in with some injured woman who's claiming to be her mum."

Rita silently congratulated herself on deciding to ask Max. Zoe was always so careful about telling Max exactly what was going on – partly so he felt part of things and partly because she needed his support. He wouldn't think of telling anyone who didn't work for the hospital, but Rita was the most senior nurse in the ED. "Thanks, Max. That's very helpful. What about Lottie?"

"Zoe hasn't mentioned her," said Max. "She did tell me not to tell Ariana in case it upset her, but she might have called Lottie if Matilda needed support. I can let you know if I hear anything."

"That would be great," said Rita. "Thanks, Max. You've been really helpful."

* * *

Connie had honestly thought that once she'd resigned from the ED, that would be it. No more responsibility. No more struggling to be civil to Rita. Limited contact with anyone from the ED – except, of course, for Jacob.

It wasn't that Connie disliked her former colleagues, but she'd never been close to them. You couldn't be when you were clinical lead. You had to maintain a certain distance. Zoe had tried to be everyone's friend, but she couldn't do it.

But Connie couldn't help feeling close to some of them. Charlie and Zoe, though they'd left long before she had. And Lily… Connie had always been far more fond of Lily than she'd ever let on. She'd secretly wished Grace would grow up like Lily.

There was another problem. Grace was at the ED. She'd refused to work there until Connie had left. She wouldn't be happy if Connie showed up in 'her' hospital.

Jacob took a step towards her and put his hands on her shoulders. "What are you thinking, Mrs Masters?"

At one time, Connie would have refused to tell him. But not now. "I need to go to the ED, Jacob. Lily's losing her baby; Ethan's getting Huntington's symptoms; Dylan's OCD is making a reappearance; Ella's dad, one of our former doctors, is in ICU after a possible suicide attempt; Grace's boyfriend Connor, who's a registrar, is refusing to leave Ella's side, which is going to go down _very_ well with my daughter; and Cal's dealing with the reappearance of the child he thought was his daughter, not to mention her psychologically-damaged mother. Zoe's working as a locum and she's pretty much had to take over, but she needs help."

"Definitely sounds like a case for Mrs Masters!" Jacob's smile was wide, but she could see the worry lurking in his eyes. "Want me to call Pancake? Might be good to have someone else who knows the hospital."

Connie smiled despite her worry. 'Pancake' was the one doctor they were still in regular contact with, though she was more Jacob's friend. "I think Dr Gardner's expertise and experience would be invaluable. Perhaps you could give her a call while I'm packing."

"Yes, boss!" said Jacob, a big smile on his face.

It occurred to Connie that Jacob might miss the ED as much as she did.

* * *

Dylan K wished Dylan wasn't so good at seeing inside his head. There hadn't been anyone since Zoe who'd been able to do that. He could see it wasn't an entirely bad thing, but it was disquieting.

"It wasn't your fault," said Dylan. "You did everything you could. It's not your fault there wasn't a defibrillator on the train."

Dylan K sighed. "You're right. Of course you're right."

"But there's a bit more to it, isn't there?" said Dylan. "Was it an OCD thing?"

Dylan K looked at her sharply. "How can you possibly know if I have OCD or not? You're not qualified to make a diagnosis."

Dylan's voice was gentle. "That answer told me quite a lot."

"You can't be a therapist _and_ a doctor, you know!" said Dylan K irritably.

"Of course not, and I want to be a doctor," said Dylan. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to ignore other conditions – though neither am I going to assume that all physical health problems are an extension of mental health problems."

Dylan K knew she wasn't criticising him, but he still felt defensive. "There isn't time to check everything."

"Of course not, but please let me say one more thing." Dylan paused for a moment. "You don't have to tell me anything, Dylan, but you can if you want to."

* * *

"Just go!" spat Lily, her eyes full of tears. "Get out!"

Alicia stared at her for a moment, her eyes wide with shock and hurt, then she turned and fled.

"Lily…" Ethan didn't know what to do. Of course, his wife came first, but she shouldn't speak to Alicia like that. Alicia shouldn't have left Lily, but she didn't deserve the way Lily was speaking to her. "Sweetheart. I know you're devastated – so am I - and you can't deal with anything else at the moment. But…" He broke off. How could he criticise Lily now? "No. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry. Let's just think about you and our baby."

They heard loud sobbing coming from outside.

Lily looked stricken. "I didn't mean… I shouldn't have… go after her, Ethan."

Ethan shook his head. "I'm not leaving you, sweetheart."

"You won't be far," said Lily. "Please, Ethan. I'm so angry, but I didn't mean to hurt her. If you don't go and speak to her, I will!"

* * *

Noel could see Louise had been crying. If she had been with another man, he obviously hadn't made her very happy. The anger that filled him was a surprise. He would be heartbroken if Louise was cheating on him, but if she was, he wanted her other man to treat her properly.

Noel held out his arms. "What's wrong, love?"

Louise stopped about a foot away from him, ignoring his attempt at an embrace. "This isn't working, Noel," she said, her eyes filling with tears.

Even as Noel's heart trembled, he moved closer to Louise, enveloping her in his arms. "What isn't working?"

"This," said Louise, blinking hard. "Me. You. Honey."

Noel sighed. "I thought everything was going better. You were so nice to her this morning."

"Yeah, and I'll go on being nice to her, but it's just… I can't…" Louise wiped away a tear.

"Come on, love. You can tell me."

Louise hesitated.

Noel's phone rang.

"I'd better take this. Sorry. It's Honey." Noel answered the phone. "Hi, love."

He heard violent sobbing. "Dad, you've got to come and get me! You've got to!"


	81. Chapter 81

**X-Sammi-X** , thank you for your review. It is confusing for Tilly, but I think it's good she's wary of trusting Taylor. I love Connie too - I promise no-one will be making her her over a cliff in my story! Rita certainly knows how to get the information she needs. I like Lily's vulnerable side and I hope we'll see more of it.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure Noel will do everything he can to save Honey. He probably still wants to be Action Man, even at whatever age he is now! I think Dylan is quite good at making people confide in her, whether they want to or not. I couldn't let Matilda go through that without Cal! Thank you for your review.

 **pinkginger** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you've found the story again and that you still like it. I love what you said about Matilda. I hadn't thought of that, but you're right - she does see the best in people, even though, with her upbringing, you could forgive her for only seeing the worst. I don't think I have OCD, but that was the storyline that really made me fall in love with Dylan - he was so vulnerable and I thought the story was written really sensitively. It took me a while to take to Jonnie, but I love them now and I was so happy when they got back together. Once they arrive, I'm sure Connie will be everywhere, sorting everything out!

 **EDSidekick** , I think that's what everyone will think with symptoms like that - it's good Daisy found out really because Caleb might not have said anything and Jack was... rather busy. He's not okay, but things are moving in the right direction at least. I really am so relieved the Dylans' relationship works - it would be so awful if he came over as a dirty old man! Of course, it helps that we all know he's not like that. Your comment about Honey made me laugh because you're right - and that's really nice to read because it feels like you've accepted my version of Honey. Yes - soon every living regular character since I've been watching will be in Holby!

 **Tanith Panic** , I do love some of the nicknames in Casualty. Pancake is my favourite after Nibbles, followed by Lofty! I'm very curious about how Elle got her nickname. It doesn't seem to suit her, so I think there's more to come from her. I'm glad you still like the Dylans and the Knights. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm pleased you're enjoying the story. I've just started a story called Fractured that's based on the anniversary episode - I don't want to give spoilers, but it won't be following the plot exactly. I hope you'll read it and enjoy it.

 **Applealice10** , anything could have happened to Honey - or nothing at all! You can never tell with Honey. I think Dylan will stand up to pretty much anybody - so Connie had better watch out! I thought Matilda really needed Cal after everything, so I thought Dixie had better give them a few moments! Thank you for your review.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the phone sex! I like double entendres and I sometimes see them where they don't exist, so I'm glad these worked!

 **InfinityAndOne** , telling the truth would be a good idea for Taylor, but it's probably not one of her biggest talents... she was quite honest with Matilda earlier though, so there's hope! I'd choose Louise over Honey as she's improved while Honey's got worse, but it's different when they're your wife and daughter. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I think Connie is probably very happy with Jacob, but I imagine she'd really miss the ED if she left. Having one person to boss around just isn't the same. Lily really is fragile - it's a good thing Ethan managed to find some strength from somewhere. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **ColaCubesAndSkittles** and **Wheelspin** for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Louise looked helplessly at Noel, but she knew it was no use. "Yeah. Course I'll go in."

Noel gave her a smile of gratitude. "Thanks, love." He spoke into his phone. "Honey, Louise is coming to get you and I'll be waiting right outside."

Louise walked past the long queue of girls. "Sorry, excuse me. I'm not jumping the queue. I'm a nurse and there's a girl in here who needs help." Louise had said that lots of times. This was one of relatively few occasions on which it was true.

She politely asked the people blocking the door to let her through and then looked round. The basin area seemed awash with girls. All she could hear were angry girls having heated exchanges about guys; heartbroken girls being consoled by their friends and at least three girls throwing up.

 _Yeah, I really am too old for clubbing_ , thought Louise. _Sometimes I think I miss it. But now I'm actually here…_

She raised her voice over the throng. "Honey, are you there? It's Louise. I'm here and your dad's right outside." Louise knew that most women wouldn't appreciate having a whole bathroom-full of girls to know their dad was here, but Honey would probably think it made her sound like a teenager and she'd love that.

A door opened. Honey peeped out, her face streaked with enough make-up to fill an entire aisle in Boots. Her hair was falling out of an elaborate up-do and her assets were falling out of her dress, but Louise's bitchy thoughts vanished as she realised this was because Honey's dress had been torn.

She held out her hand. "Come on, Honey. Come with me. We'll go and find your dad and we'll look after you."

* * *

Connor kept his arm around Ella as they entered ICU. Ella was trembling hard. He guided her gently and slowly towards the bed.

Ella began to cry. She clung to Connor at first, shaking even harder, but then she dropped to her knees beside the bedclothes. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry."

Connor crouched beside her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"It's all my fault," wept Ella. "I should have done more. I should have been better. I'm your daughter and I'm a doctor. I should have known what to do!"

Connor let go of her shoulder and put his arm around her. To his surprise, he felt an ache in his chest. At first, he thought it was empathy with Ella. He hated to see her suffer. But then he realised he was thinking of his mother.

Mercedes, to his knowledge, had never tried to hurt herself, but other people had hurt her. Connor hadn't liked it at all, but he knew it was part of their life. He'd given her what support he could, but he'd accepted he was a child and there wasn't much he could do.

But perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps he could have done more.

He'd been twenty years younger than Ella was now, but perhaps he should have fought to help her, as he knew Ella had fought for her dad.

* * *

"I always dreamed about meeting my birth parents," said Matilda. "I thought it would be wonderful. I thought I'd finally be happy. But the reality is Taylor is human. With as many failings and problems as anybody else."

Cal gave a sad smile. "That's how it was when I met my real mother. I found out she had an incurable disease which she'd probably passed it on to me or Ethan. I grew to love her and our last few weeks together were special, but there was a lot of pain too. It also changed my view of my adoptive mother. She was a wonderful woman. That's why I named you after her. But she never told Ethan and me we were adopted. Not even when she knew she was dying. They were both wonderful – Matilda and Emilie - but they kept such big secrets from us."

Matilda looked up at him. "Emilie… wasn't that Ethan's first daughter?"

Cal nodded. "He and Lily always planned to have a little girl called Emilie. But they lost her. And they won't get her back again." Cal blinked back tears. "And I've lost my Matilda, not once but twice."

Matilda reached for his hand. "No, you haven't lost me. I mean… I'm confused. I'm scared. But I think in the same situation as you were. You kept a massive secret from me. But that doesn't mean you're not wonderful."

* * *

Dylan K decided there was no harm in it. If he didn't tell her, she would probably work it out. He wouldn't be completely surprised if she knew already. There wasn't very much his namesake didn't know. "There's a… a number I don't like. Between three and five. Someone told me it was an evil number at a time when I was, er, vulnerable. Usually, it doesn't bother me. But sometimes…"

"In a vulnerable moment, you can't help worrying?" said Dylan gently. "Was the defibrillator on the platform with this number?"

Dylan K nodded. "Usually, as I'm sure you know, you'd bring the defibrillator to the patient. But we had to carry the patient off the train – the conditions were far from ideal and the station operatives didn't want us to hold up the train, which shouldn't have stopped there anyway and it wasn't far to the defibrillator. I think he might have been sitting in the seat with that number on the train too

"It must have been awful," said Dylan. "Thoughts like that are so powerful. But it wasn't your fault, Dylan. You know that really, of course, but it's hard to believe it sometimes. It's probably not going to help no matter how many times I say it. But it wasn't your fault. You did everything you could."

"How can you possibly know that when you weren't there?"

"Because I know you," said Dylan. "And I know that, if you weren't that kind of doctor, I probably wouldn't have been born."

* * *

Elle knew she shouldn't be excited. It sounded like the ED was in a complete mess and she couldn't be completely sure that even Connie could sort it out. It had been a while and things had probably changed. One reason why Connie had been so brilliant (one reason of many) was because there was nothing going on in the ED she didn't know about (or so it had seemed). But now, she'd not only been away from the ED but away from medicine. There was a chance she wouldn't be able to do anything at all.

But Elle had a feeling she would. She was still Connie Beauchamp.

Well, no. She was Connie Masters, but she hadn't changed much. She was still devastatingly intelligent and absolutely terrifying. As Jacob could attest.

The doorbell rang. Connie and Jacob were standing on the doorstep. Elle was struck by the difference in Connie and realised it was the light of battle shining in her eyes. She hadn't seen Connie look like that for a while. She ruthlessly dealt with anyone who had the temerity to dismiss her as a middle-aged woman and therefore unimportant, but that was child's play for Connie.

"Ready, Pancake?" said Jacob, once they'd exchanged greetings. Elle could see he was excited too.

"Ready," said Elle.

"Then let's go," said Connie.

* * *

Jamie's heart was beating fast – and this time it was nothing to do with delicious double entendres. He clasped the phone with one hand and crossed his fingers with the other. Mostly that Caleb would be okay, but he was also really hoping Jack could keep it together.

Jamie adored Jack's dramatic moments, but right now, he needed to keep calm.

"Okay, I'm here," said Jack nervously. "And yes. He has puked in the bed. What fun."

"Give Caleb a pat on the shoulder, tell him not to worry and you're here," said Jamie.

He heard Jack doing as he was told. To Jamie's relief, he sounded quite reassuring.

"Does Caleb have a temperature?" said Jamie.

"Um… I think he might do."

"Okay, can you have a look at the rash?" said Jamie.

"Do you think it will be really gross?"

"Perhaps, but I know you can handle it. You're doing fine." Jamie waited, resisting the urge to ask Jack what he was doing. He knew it might take Caleb a while to be comfortable with showing Jack.

But it was terrifying, sitting here and knowing something could be seriously wrong, yet able to do nothing.

He heard Jack gasp. "I can see the rash, Jamie. Ew, it looks horrible! But I'm okay. I can do this."

"You're doing really well, Jack. Okay, I need you to get a glass and press it against the rash."

* * *

Alicia was sitting on the floor, her head in her hands. Ethan hesitated, then sat beside her. "Lily's very emotional at the moment. She didn't mean what she said."

Alicia looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "She was right. I shouldn't have left her."

"Charlie is your son," said Ethan.

" _Step_ son!" said Alicia with a strangled yelp, and cried even harder.

"Well … yes, of course… but you're still family," said Ethan.

Alicia's crying became even more distressed.

"Hey…" said Ethan awkwardly, patting her shoulder. "Please don't worry. Lily's sorry for upsetting you and she asked… no, she _told_ me to go after you."

Alicia got a tissue out of her bag and blew her nose. "I'm sorry. I just… I want a baby so much and I can't have them and Lily's having a miscarriage and I... I... I'm jealous!"

Ethan gasped and patted her shoulder helplessly as she burst into fresh sobs. "Oh, Alicia. I really am so sorry." He hadn't forgotten how he'd felt when he'd decided not to have children. The hospital had seemed so full of babies… "Why don't you go home? I'll tell Lily you're not well. You should be with Sam."

"No, I… I want to support her."

"You need support too," said Ethan. "We've all had some heartbreaking news. We're so grateful and so lucky you want to help, but please don't push your own feelings aside."

Alicia wiped her eyes. "I haven't had any tests done, but I'm a doctor, Ethan. I _know_."

"It's always possible to make mistakes when it comes to your own health," said Ethan. "But I know what you mean. Sometimes you do just _know_." Like he knew that he was having Huntington's symptoms.

"And I _know_ ," whispered Alicia, as more tears fell. "I _know_ , Ethan."

Ethan felt almost like crying too, but Alicia vanished from his mind when he heard the scream from Lily's room. He tried to jump to his feet, but his legs got twisted up underneath him and he crashed to the floor with a cry of pain of his own.


	82. Chapter 82

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think Louise is reacting as a nurse - she probably still hates Honey! I think most people are probably scared of Connie, but she's definitely awesome. It would be really awful of Ethan to cheat on Lily, especially now, so that probably won't happen. I think I'm making Lily suffer enough!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan really did hurt himself at just the wrong moment, but he might be okay. I think it's good that Matilda was honest with Cal - and it sets Cal a good example too! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I like Jack, but he probably isn't the most natural comforter! He probably has ways of comforting Jamie that aren't appropriate for Caleb. Connie, Jacob and Elle are exactly like retired superheroes! And I have no doubt that they will save lives. I don't think anyone could blame you for assuming Honey was fussing about nothing again! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I feel mean in a way to make jokes about Honey under the circumstances, but I thought that was what Louise would think. She's so used to Honey getting into a state over nothing. I remember poor Dylan talking about "two and two ribs" in one episode. Ethan could easily have reacted badly to Alicia's confession, but he's too sweet!

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I love Dylan too and I think he really needs a hug, even if he doesn't know it. Everyone has a vulnerable side, but it's so easy to see it in yourself and not in other people.

 **pinkginger** , it is getting worse for Ethan and Lily - I do actually love them! They could potentially lose two children. I was nervous of writing the Dylans' relationship at first - everything I wrote sounded flirty, so I had to keep changing it! I think it would have made a great story if there had been a bit of dodginess: Dylan is the kind of character who could very easily be misunderstood. But I'm glad I wrote it this way. I'm so glad Alicia was sweet rather than horrible. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm so glad you love Elle! I think she's brilliant, but sometimes it feels like I'm almost the only person who likes her. The Dylans will probably never say so, but I do think they love each other as friends. Cal was the first person who loved Tilly and I think she kind of recognised him, even though she didn't remember him. Sometimes water is thicker than blood! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Alicia shoved her tissue in her bag and jumped to her feet. "I'll be back, Ethan. Lily, what's happened?" She raced to Lily's side and pressed the button for assistance.

"Ethan," sobbed Lily, clutching at her stomach. "Ethan… fell!"

Alicia stroked her arm. "I know, sweetheart. I'll look after him in a minute. Do you mind if I take a look?"

"Ethan…" said Lily.

"I'm worried about him too, but let's check on you first," said Alicia.

She pulled the bedclothes back. It only needed a glance to tell her Lily was bleeding heavily. She felt an answering stab of pain inside her. She knew Lily's baby could still survive, but the chances had to be so low.

She looked up as she heard voices outside the room. "In here!" she called. "I'm Dr Bateman: I'm an ED consultant. Lily is bleeding heavily. She's bradycardic; blood pressure is dropping. No foetal heartbeat, perhaps due to size of baby. I'll let you get on with your work, but call me if you need help. Lily, I'll bring Ethan to you as soon as I can. Hold on for me, okay? I love you, babe, and so does Ethan."

* * *

"Look, Dylan, there's a little buzzer by your bed," said Chloe. "So if you're worried about anything, you can call for help. Just try not to be _too_ bossy."

"But if they're doing something wrong, make sure you tell them," said Dylan K.

"Politely," added Chloe.

Dylan smiled. She knew a lot of people would find their fussing annoying, but she didn't. They were trying to help. It didn't much matter if they were actually succeeding. The point was that they cared enough to try. "I'll do my best to behave myself."

Luke kissed her on the cheek. "We'll be back as soon as they let us in."

"Or as soon as I tell them to let you in!" said Dylan. "Mum, it's okay. I'm joking."

"Get well soon," whispered Luke. He turned round and pointed. "Look over there!"

It was the most clumsy attempt at distraction Dylan had ever seen, but it made her love him even more – and they both took full advantage of Chloe's and Dylan K's backs being turned.

"I know exactly what you're doing, you know," said Dylan K.

"Good," said Luke. "Then you won't need to ask me any embarrassing questions later." He kissed Dylan again. "Text me before you go to sleep, okay? Bye, beautiful."

* * *

Jack sat on the sofa with his arm around Caleb. "It's going to be okay, Caleb. You'll probably know the paramedics. You know Dixie and Iain, don't you? And Jez and Rocker? Iain's getting on a bit and Dixie's really not my type and I still haven't forgiven Rocker for not introducing me to Harry Styles, but Jez is hot!"

Caleb whimpered and his head flopped against Jack's chest. "Mummy, Daddy?" he whispered.

Jack held him more tightly and wondered what to say. He doubted Lily would be allowed to see Caleb. Ethan would be torn between his wife and son.

They didn't even have Cal, who'd pulled his usual disappearing act at the first sign of trouble.

"I'm sure Mummy and Daddy will come and see you as soon as they can," said Jacob." He heard the doorbell. "Daisy can you get the-"

Daisy was already answering it – and sounding almost exactly like Lily.

Jack's face fell when he saw the paramedics. He definitely hadn't seen the man before: he was sure he'd remember. The woman wasn't ringing any bells either, but women never had rung Jack's bells.

The woman gave Caleb a big smile and knelt beside him. "Hi. I'm Tamzin. What's your name?"

Caleb shrank against Jack and trembled.

"This is Caleb," said Jack. "He doesn't like talking to strangers."

"Well, I don't think I'm _very_ strange," said Tamzin. "So, you're not feeling well, are you? Would you like to tell me what's wrong or shall we ask...?" She looked at Jack.

"Jack. He's got a rash and a fever and he was sick." Jack showed Tamzin the rash.

"We'd better get him in the ambo," said Tamzin. She smiled at Caleb. "I'll sit in the back with you and Jack, yeah?"

Daisy looked hard at Tamzin. "Are you the Tamzin who stole Uncle Jamie's uncle away from Dixie?"

"Come on, Caleb," said Tamzin. "Let's get you in the ambo."

"Why do adults always complain when kids don't answer questions?" said Daisy. "Adults are just as bad and it's very rude. Don't you think, Uncle Jack?"

* * *

Cal wrapped his arms around Matilda. She hugged him back, feeling close to tears again. "I love you, Cal."

"I love you too, Tilly," said Cal.

"I don't want you to go," whispered Matilda.

Cal's voice shook. "I know, Tilly. And it's the last thing I want, believe me."

Matilda held on to him. "But you have to go, don't you? If you don't go, you'll be in trouble with the police and you won't be able to adopt me."

"That could happen, yeah," said Cal. "It's stupid and everyone knows it's stupid. Even the police know. But you're going through so much and now Taylor's got involved…."

Matilda screwed up her courage. "I know Taylor's done bad things, but no-one's ever loved her. I know what that's like."

"I know," said Cal. "And if you want to see Taylor, I'm not going to stand in your way. But…" he stopped.

Matilda looked at the worry on his face and felt guilty. "I won't do it if you really don't want me to. I'd like Taylor to be my mum, but you're already my dad. But… could I tell you an idea I had?"

Cal smiled. "Of course you can, Tilly."

"I thought I would see her, but not on my own," said Matilda. "I'll ask Dixie or Jess to come with me. I want to give her a chance, Cal. I want her to know what it's like to be loved. But I know not everyone is like you. I need to keep myself safe."

* * *

Honey was crying so hard, she could hardly breathe. She wrapped her arms around Noel and trembled. Noel held her tightly. Louise was looking worried. Really worried.

"I know it's hard, love." Noel's voice wasn't completely steady. "But we need to know what happened. Do we need to contact the hospital or the police?"

"No, Dad!" begged Honey. "I can't deal with it now! I just want to go home!"

Noel's voice was panicked. "What should we do, Louise?"

"We respect Honey's wishes," said Louise. "If… if there's any kind of medical issue, we've got three days to report it. Sometimes they can even detect things after five days now. Or even longer. For now, we just think about Honey and what she wants."

Honey clung to Noel and sobbed. "He pushed me up against the wall and he held me there and I couldn't get away and he just sort of smiled at me…"

"That's it!" burst out Noel, making Honey cry out in panic. "We're going to the police."

"No," said Louise quietly. "The decision is Honey's. She decides if and when. When she's a little bit calmer, I can explain to Honey what her options are. But what Honey needs now is to feel she's in control. We support her; we listen to her; we advise her when it's appropriate. But it's Honey's choice what she does." Her voice gentled and she stroked Honey's hair. "You're safe now, Honey. You're with your dad. And we're going to take you home."

* * *

"I'm sorry I can't be friends with Louis," said Robyn as she sat in Lofty's arms, her head on his shoulder.

Lofty turned her gently to face him. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Robyn. Nothing. You want to keep our kids safe. How can I do anything but love you for that?"

"It's not just that," said Robyn softly.

Lofty didn't look surprised. "Is it Charlie?"

"He was dying and he left him!" burst out Robyn. "I know there were lots of other people caring for him, but Louis was his son!" Her voice broke. "I wish I could forgive him, Lofty. It's a difficult, horrible thing to see a parent like that and Louis was always weak – and I mean that as a fact, not a criticism. But I can't forgive him, Lofty. I know it's horrible of me, but I can't."

Lofty kissed her gently. "You're not horrible," he said. "Not at all."

* * *

The first reply came almost straight away. Rita viewed the text and smiled.

 _Hey Alfie, nice to hear from you. I haven't been a patient at the hospital since I dislocated my shoulder, but I've been there to visit my friends. My best friend in the department is a nurse called Louise – she's really sweet and we text sometimes. She's a really good person to talk to and I'm sure she wouldn't tell your mum if you asked her not to. I don't really know anyone else, sorry, but if you wanted to talk to a guy, there's a nurse called David who seems very understanding and he's not a gossip. Hope this helps, see you at school and don't forget to delete this before you give your mum her phone back! xx_

Ariana was next. Rita had taken a slightly different approach: she knew pretending to be Alfie could upset Ariana all over again.

 _Hey Rita, its not a weird question at all, I'm flattered! I think everyone at the hospital is really nice & understanding, obviously I love my mum best but your lovely & so's David & Lofty! David doesn't say much but he has this way of looking at you so everything seems more ok! Lofty does the looking thing but he talks to and its like he really feels everything I'm feeling! Louise is really friendly & Dr Keogh really respects Dylan, he tells her lots of medical stuff. Dr Knight is really sweet & funny & he's hot for an old guy. Male Dr Hardy is kind. Female Dr Hardy is always honest. Dr Ashford never talks down to us, its like chatting to a mate! I don't know Dr Christie but I think he's hot! Please txt me back if you need more! Lots of love Ariana xxx_

Rita was so sure the next sound she heard would be a text from Dylan, she jumped when the landline rang. She went quickly to answer it: she didn't want Iain coming in here. "Hello?"

"Rita, this is Dylan Wilkinson-Brae. Why did you text me pretending to be Alfie?"


	83. Chapter 83

**EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I love how you always find so much to say. I probably did go a bit crazy with marrying people off! Alicia Bateman, Lily Hardy, Zoe Walker, Connie Masters, Rita Dean, Robyn Chiltern... and probably more I've forgotten! I actually didn't consider bringing Jeff back - I'm trying to keep as close to 'reality' as I can, but it would have been nice for Jeff to be in it too. Daisy stole a scene with your little Caleb in? That's quite impressive! She is very direct, just like her mum. Taylor almost certainly has a plan! And we haven't seen the last of Louis... I bet Cal would hate being described as an old guy, but late 40s can seem old when you're 15!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I think if this story was happening in the present, Lily would definitely lose the baby, but there have been medical advances, so there's still a tiny bit of hope.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm really glad I was encouraged to bring Ethan and Lily back together. They're more interesting to write now they're on the same side. The two Dylans might have made a good couple, but there's a the 38-year age gap. I think Robyn probably finds hating someone really difficult. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , Cal has made so many mistakes and probably always will, but one reason why I love him is because he really loves his family - even though he has a funny way of showing it at times. Ethan and Lily really need his love at the moment. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I think trying to deceive Dylan is a complete waste of time! She'd figure out who was behind the facebook site in about two seconds and she'd probably work out Taylor's next move before Taylor did. I'm not sure what Elle's storyline will be in this, but I hope I can think of something!

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. Ethan and Lily really don't deserve what's happening to them - not that anyone does, but it's one thing after another and they don't even know about Caleb yet.

 **Tanith Panic** , there will definitely be trouble! I think Louise is basically right to say it's Honey's choice whether she reports what happens, but at the same time, it should be reported. I think Louis' reaction to Charlie is quite common, sadly. Cal was the same with his adoptive mother. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Rita tried to laugh. "I don't know what you're talking about! I haven't texted you, Dylan. Why would you think that?"

"Your spelling's too good," said Dylan. "If Alfie wanted to see a doctor without his parents knowing, he'd go to St James' and if he ran out of battery, he could stick it on charge and be texting almost straight away."

"Maybe… maybe he's not very well," said Rita. "Maybe he has something really private he needs to talk about and he doesn't feel as though he can tell his parents, so he wants to speak to someone else from the hospital. Someone who's responsive to kids; someone he knows he can trust."

"Yes… almost word for word what you wrote in the text," said Dylan. "I don't mean to insult Alfie, but he probably only uses the word 'responsive' when talking about girls."

Rita gripped the phone more tightly. "I don't know who you think you are, phoning me up and making accusations. But I'm not having it, Dylan."

"Rita, I would like to help you," said Dylan. "But I can't unless you tell me everything. If you want a kid's point of view, you're going to get a much more accurate one if you tell the kid what's going on."

"There's nothing going on," said Rita. She was getting scared now. Maybe she shouldn't have phoned Dylan. Contacting one of her main suspects was stupid now she thought about it. Not just stupid. Dangerous. "And you have no right to call me like this! I'll be speaking to your mother tomorrow."

* * *

Lily was screaming and it didn't matter that Ethan's knee was screaming too. It didn't even matter that he'd fallen over again. He had to get to his wife.

Hetried to stand, but his knee wouldn't hold him. He collapsed to the ground with a cry of pain. His brain was telling him to stay where he was and treat his injury, but his heart said only one thing: _Lily_.

Ethan inched along the floor on his hands and his good knee, his bad knee dragging along behind him. The pain made spots dance in front of his eyes, but he couldn't stop. He heard a whimpering sound and wondered if that was him or Lily.

"Ethan!" Alicia was blocking his way.

"Excuse me, please!" said Ethan.

"Ethan, you're hurt," said Alicia. "Let me help you."

"No… got to get to Lily… please, Alicia. Treat me… when I'm with Lily."

"Ethan, I'm not sure…"

"MOVE!" snapped Ethan. "Please."

Alicia moved aside.

"Thank you," whimpered Ethan as he passed her. He reached the bed at last and grabbed hold of it. Lily was sobbing. He took her hand and held it tightly, stroking her arm. "I'm here, Lily. I love you. Look at me, darling. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you, Lily. Ever."

* * *

Dylan K had thought it would be difficult to find a place to stay, but they were lucky enough to find a Premier Inn with two room cancellations. "And they're next to each other, Mr Keogh, so you and your wife won't be too far from your son."

Luke sniggered. "Actually, I'm Dylan's brother and Chloe is my girlfriend's mum and she's a lesbian, so I really don't think there's anything going on there!"

"Yes, all right, Luke," said Dylan K, who was secretly relieved by this explanation. "I'm sure they don't need our life story." He filled in his and Luke's details on the tablet before handing it to Chloe with the words: "I'll pay."

"No, I can't let you," said Chloe.

"Fine, but it's much better to let me pay now and argue with me about it later than to thrash it out in the middle of reception."

"Okay," said Chloe, but Dylan K could see the determination in her eyes and wasn't surprised when he lost the argument.

The room wasn't too bad. He let Luke have first choice of the beds and was perfectly happy for him to have the one nearest the window. Luke stood, looking down at the streets. "There's a woman hanging round on the street corner. Do you think she's a prostitute?"

"I'm not sure Dylan would like you asking questions like that."

"Dylan wouldn't mind. She'd actually bother to look and then tell me the answer," said Luke.

Dylan K sighed and went to the window. "No, I think she's just a woman hanging around on a street corner. Now. We need to talk about living arrangements. Are you happy to come back to the boat?"

Luke smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I'd like that. But when my mum gets out of hospital, she's going to need me."

"She could come and live on the boat too if she wanted," said Dylan K awkwardly.

"Really?" Luke turned to Dylan K in amazement. "Do you really mean that? It wouldn't make you feel weird having a woman around?"

"I shared the boat with a woman for fourteen years," said Dylan K, and almost laughed at Luke's shocked face. "Her name was Dervla."

* * *

For the most part, Tamzin's former colleagues were happy to see her. She saw Dixie and Iain occasionally on training days and Rocker, who'd shared an ambulance with her until his transfer to Holby, was an old mate.

They were nothing but friendly, but she'd still stolen someone's husband. The fact his wife was a lesbian had made everything seem okay at the time, but the more she'd thought about it, the more she'd realised she was lucky they were speaking to her at all. Dixie and Jeff had loved each other in their way and it would be wrong to say their bond was any less special than romantic love.

"Well?" said Daisy, her hands on her hips.

Tamzin could have said they needed to focus on helping her brother, but Daisy did have a point. It was rude not to answer. "Yes. I was going to marry Jamie's Uncle Jeff."

Daisy turned to Caleb. "It's okay, Caleb. You'll be fine with Tamzin. Uncle Jamie's Uncle Jeff wanted to marry her and he's a hero. If a hero wants to marry you, you must be all right."

Caleb spent a few moments thinking about this, then he nodded.

Tamzin smiled in relief. "Thanks, Daisy. I know it's scary, Caleb, but we'll make it as stress-free as we can. Jack, is there anyone who can take care of Daisy while you're gone? Not that she really seems to need taking care of."

"No, but Uncle Jamie - who you probably know - is going to look after my little sister Alice while I'm getting on with my life," said Daisy.

Jack smiled at Tamzin. "Jamie is my husband. We've been together for thirteen yeas, married for eleven and we have a ten-year-old son. He's called Jeffrey."

Tamzin smiled too. "That's a lovely name."

* * *

"He held me up against the wall," sniffled Honey. "No-one saw. Everyone would have been dazzled by the lights flashing. I kept screaming, but the music was too loud. He felt inside my dress and tore it. He was only holding me with one hand then so I tried to get away, but he hit me."

"He did what!?" said Noel angrily. "I'm sorry, Honey. I have to call the police."

Honey burst into loud sobs again. "No! I can't talk to them!"

"Noel, I told you. It's Honey's decision," said Louise. She gave Honey another tissue and stroked her arm reassuringly. "It's your decision, Honey. We'll do whatever you want."

Honey sniffed loudly and dabbed her eyes.

"Where did he hit you?" asked Louise.

"On the side of my head," said Honey, pointing.

Louise touched it gently. "Honey, it is your choice about the police, but if you've got a head injury…"

"No, I can't!" wailed Honey. "Please don't make me, Louise."

"Okay. I suppose you're not really showing any signs of a head injury," said Louise. "But I'll keep an eye on you."

Honey wiped her eyes. "And then he pushed his hand up my skirt and he… he…"

Noel looked heartbroken. "I'm going to kill him."

* * *

Matilda hadn't felt so safe and happy since she'd been taken away from Cal. Dixie and Jess were lovely, but Cal was her dad. He was the first person to love her apart from Taylor and he'd never stopped.

She saw Dixie approaching. "I'm sorry, but I really need to take Matilda home now. I can see you two belong together and I'm not trying to be difficult. I just don't want you to do anything that could jeopardise your chance to be a family."

Cal reluctantly nodded. "Dixie will look after you, Tilly. She looked after you a bit when you were a baby too." He heard a text message arrive and reached into his pocket. "Excuse me: this might be from Ethan."

It was from Alicia. _I'm so sorry Cal but Lily and Ethan really need you now. Could you come up please? xxx_

Cal had half-expected it, but it still hit hard. He groaned aloud and slumped forward.

"Cal?" said Matilda anxiously. "What's wrong?"

"Lily's miscarrying," he said, without even considering that perhaps he shouldn't tell her.

"Oh, Cal. I'm sorry." Matilda's eyes were full of tears as she hugged him tightly. "I love you. Is there anything I can do or should I go with Dixie?"

* * *

Sam walked slowly up the stairs and hesitated outside Charlie's room. He knew he should knock, but the suspicions that had grown in his mind refused to go away.

He pushed the door open and walked quickly into Charlie's room.

Charlie grabbed the laptop and pulled the screen down, hiding it from view.

Sam strode towards it. "Show me."

"It's not porn, Dad!" said Charlie. "It's just private stuff."

"If that's what I think it is, 'private' is exactly the right word for it!" said Sam.

Charlie was silent. Slowly, he lifted the laptop screen and Sam looked at the page he'd only caught the merest glimpse of before.

Charlie was looking at patient records for Holby City Hospital.


	84. Chapter 84

**EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I hope Charlie's explanation will be plausible, even if you don't believe it! I can imagine Jeff watching with Charlie, Josh and anyone else who's dead, kind of shaking their head at all the bad decisions everyone's making and wishing they could sort it out. Rita is in a pickle - and I don't see how she can complain about little Dylan without the full story coming out! Wrong decisions do run in Matilda's family. It's worse for Honey, but I'd also hate to be in Noel's position.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm glad you like Tamzin coming back - I got the impression she's not that popular, but I like her, though I didn't know the full story behind Jeff and Dixie's marriage, so I was quite confused! Honey's situation must be so difficult - not ready to talk about it, but there's a time limit. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'll be sad if Alicia ruins Cal and Ethan's relationship. We've hardly had any chance to see them getting on and then _she_ comes along! Alicia in this story is more like Alicia in her first episodes. It is a shame Rita didn't confide in Dylan - she might have been able to help, as well as calming Rita down. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you like Ethan and Lily together. They have always seemed well-suited and they've had some lovely scenes together in the past. Whatever Charlie's up to, he has been breaking the law and the police have got him down as a possible suspect, so he's in trouble whatever his reasons! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , it doesn't sound cruel. Considering the way Honey has behaved in this fanfic, it doesn't really surprise me if some people are hesitating to accept her word. Lily and Ethan's storyline is completely outside my experience, so I'm glad it's convincing so far. You'll find out about Charlie very soon! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Families can come in all shapes and sizes, so perhaps the Dylans, Luke and Chloe are a family in a way - they will be if Dylan and Luke's relationship lasts anyway! I'm glad Matilda is there for Cal because she won't let him run away like he always used to! I think I have an idea for Elle...

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I think I've now introduced almost every regular or former regular I've seen on Casualty who's likely to be still of working age, apart from the ones in the anniversary episode. Casualty has so many brilliant characters! Lily and Ethan's storyline is sad to write too.

 _Thank you to **HolbyCityFanfics** for the follow._

* * *

Sam sighed and sat down on the bed beside his son. " _Why_ , Charlie? Why would you hack into the hospital records?"

"Why not?" said Charlie aggressively. "What else am I going to do?"

"Well… play games. Go out with your mates. Date girls. Or boys. Or both."

Charlie glared at him. "Yeah, because you were really supportive the last time I had a girl round here!"

"That was different," said Sam. "She was in your bedroom, you're both underage and Alicia says you looked... friendly. But don't change the subject. Why were you looking at the hospital records?"

Charlie looked stubborn, but Sam refused to back down.

"I don't have to ask, you know, Charlie. I could just call the police. But I know you and I don't believe you're doing this for criminal reasons. So here's your chance to tell me why."

"Because I could!" said Charlie.

Sam shook his head. "I need more than that."

Charlie glowered. "What do you care anyway?"

"If my son is breaking the rules, I want to know why."

"I did it because of Alicia, okay?"

* * *

Cal tried to stand up, but his legs gave way. He'd known Lily might lose the baby, but all he could think of now was that he'd left Lily and Ethan.

And not just left them. He'd _forgotten_ about them.

Matilda was his daughter, but how could he have forgotten about his brother?

Matilda put her arm around him. "You can do this, Cal. I know you can."

Dixie sat on Cal's other side. "Cal, I need you to breathe for me, okay?"

Matilda took his hand in hers. "I'm here, Cal. I love you."

Somehow, that calmed him a bit. He hugged Matilda and felt his breathing settle. "I love you too, Tilly."

"Would you like me to go with you?" said Matilda.

Cal looked at her with gratitude. "Would you? Just up to the department?" He felt as though he needed her support, though he couldn't let her see what was happening to Lily. It was bad enough watching it happen to strangers. He couldn't let a kid like Matilda see it happen to her aunt.

"Of course I will," said Matilda.

They both looked anxiously at Dixie. She looked torn, but she nodded. "Okay. I'll follow you up. But then I'm taking you home, Matilda, and after you've said goodbye. there can't be any contact between you. I know it's going to be hard and I'm sorry it's got to be this way, but if you want to adopt Matilda, Cal, we can't let anyone catch you breaking the rules."

* * *

Jack would have liked to ask Tamzin what Jamie had been like when he was younger, but that would have to wait. Only Caleb mattered now.

He wasn't looking good. He'd been sick again (luckily not on Jack) and he could tell Tamzin was worried.

"Do you think it is… you know?" Jack couldn't say it out loud.

"We probably shouldn't discuss it now," said Tamzin apologetically, with a glance at Caleb.

"Oh right. No. Sorry." The atmosphere was so tense. Jack wanted to say something funny to break it, but he knew nothing would be funny now.

"Did you say you'd called his parents?" said Tamzin, as she touched Caleb's shoulder and checked his readings. "Well done, Caleb. You're doing really well. Not too much longer now."

Jack shook his head. "They're already at the hospital. Lily's having a miscarriage. So this is the last thing they need. I suppose someone will have to go up and tell them." He hoped it wouldn't have to be him. He was no good at that.

Tamzin turned away from Caleb, her face concerned. "Jack, you do realise we're going to St James'?"

* * *

Zoe had forgotten how bad it was.

Of course, it was always bad. She saw terrible illness and death every day. She also saw people at their most vulnerable: saw the cracks they desperately tried to paper over as the doctors fought to save them and their loved ones. She would never have wanted to do any other job, but it was always difficult. Always sad.

She ducked into Lily's office as soon as she could and phoned Max again. "How's Ariana?"

"Yeah, she's okay," said Max. "We're having a look at Robyn's laptop. It's got a virus or something so me and Ariana are sorting things out. She's pretty good. I'm letting her do most of the work!"

Zoe closed her eyes and thought how happy this would have made her in other circumstances. Her daughter was clever. Just like her dad. She was doing something useful to help someone she cared about.

"Are you okay?" asked Max gently.

"Yeah," said Zoe. "But it's tough. Lily and Ash are patients. I'd forgotten what that was like."

"Yeah, it is really tough," said Max. "Especially when you think about what they're going through. Even I know it's not just about patching them up the physical stuff and sending them home."

"You understand so much more than you give yourself credit for," said Zoe. "That's why I can talk to you - and I'm so glad I can. But there's more. Cal and Matilda are here together, even though the police have asked him not to have contact with her and…" She stopped. Perhaps she shouldn't tell Max about the hospital records being accessed. Not when Ariana was probably sitting right next to him.

But why wouldn't she tell Max? Surely she couldn't be thinking that Ariana…

It was a locum. It had to be a locum.

"And then there's this person hacking into the hospital files," said Max sympathetically.

Zoe started to agree, but then she stopped. "How did you know about that?"

* * *

Ella held Ash's hand tightly and felt Connor hugging her. She felt so lucky to have both of them. But for how much longer? She was sure Connor would go back to Grace once she'd got over her latest hissy fit and if Ash had attempted suicide, he could try it again. And again.

Ella felt tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I wanted to make you proud. I wanted to be more like you." She sniffed. "But I wasn't doing enough. I never do enough! Making you proud… that wasn't what you needed most. You needed me to be there for you. All those women… like Dr Hardy… that wasn't some stupid mid-life crisis. You just wanted to be loved, didn't you? You wanted affection. Because you didn't get enough from me."

She felt Connor squeezing her shoulder. Ella sensed he didn't agree with what she'd just said, but he didn't interrupt. He understood this was between her and Ash,

"But I'm here for you now," said Ella. "And I'm going to keep being here for you as long as you need me." She paused. It was a big step and once she'd said it, there was no going back, but she was beginning to understand now what the important things were. "But this time I'm going to do it right. I'm going to quit the hospital. I'm going to take care of you."

* * *

Dylan K could tell Luke was worried. He wished Dylan was here. She would know what to say. There didn't seem to be very much she didn't know.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" asked Luke suddenly.

"She'll be fine," said Dylan K. "It seems like a good hospital and she won't let them get away with being anything else."

Surprise crossed Luke's face, then he laughed. "I think you're right about Dylan. But I actually meant Mum."

"Oh, yes. Of course," said Dylan K guiltily. Much as he might despise his father, he'd become rather fond of his stepmother - though at only six years older than him, she was more like a sister. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Physically, she'll recover. Psychologically, things could be more difficult, but she's coping very well. You probably don't remember, but she used to be a bit like Dylan. Not as bright, but she was… spirited. As long as she's left Brian for good this time, I think she'll be fine."

Luke looked at him gratefully. "If another doctor said that, I'd be worried they were trying to make me feel better. But I don't have to worry about that with you."

* * *

Connie didn't think she'd felt this invigorated for a long time. At least not outside the bedroom.

Not that she and Jacob usually restricted themselves to the bedroom, but that was a thought for another time.

Right now, they had an ED to save.

She and Jacob had brought Elle up to speed about the latest. Elle was very sad to hear about Lily and Ethan's baby, but she was looking forward to seeing Zoe again and meeting the younger doctors.

"I bet Grace is a brilliant therapist," said Jacob. "It was always very difficult to pull the wool over her eyes. She always knew exactly what I was up to. Just like her mum."

Connie smiled a bit sadly. She hoped she'd get the chance to see Grace, but she knew Grace would do her best to ensure it didn't happen. It broke her heart because she'd only ever tried to do her best for Grace… but she wouldn't think of that now. "Ella Ashford as a doctor is certainly an interesting proposition. To say she was a wayward teenager is rather understating the case – but I'll let you judge for yourself."

"And Connor Christie's a good lad," said Jacob. "His mum was a drug addict and involved with some very dubious people-"

"Yes: I believe I had the pleasure of meeting one of them on my first day," said Elle.

"-but he was a good lad," said Jacob, smiling. "I expect he still is."

A car horn sounded somewhere behind Connie. She felt herself tense up and glanced in the mirror. There was another car a short distance behind them, but it was gaining. She thought she could hear faint shouts and thumping music.

"Idiots!" was Jacob's assessment. "Slow down and let them pass, Connie."

Connie was shaking. A drunk driver was much like a crazy, vengeful one. Capable of anything. Connie stamped down hard on the accelerator.

"Connie, slow down," said Jacob, his voice firm. "You're okay. Just let them pass and you'll be fine."

Connie shook her head. Her knuckles were white. "They're trying to run me off the road, Jacob."


	85. Chapter 85

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm not sure Charlie does have a good reason really. I wanted to think of a better reason, but I couldn't. Dixie can see what we can see, luckily - Cal and Matilda are a family. Connor was a great character and I wish he had been in it more. Maybe he'll come back into it as his mum might have pregnancy issues or further drug problems. Connie and Grace are such strong characters, I think their relationship will always be complicated, but they do love each other. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I don't know if Cal will adopt Matilda in this story as the process takes a while, but they really are meant to be together. I think tumbling off one cliff would usually be enough for anyone, but this is Casualty! A memorial at the hospital for Lily and Ethan's baby is a lovely idea. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Elle's storyline will start in Chapter 87. Tilly probably hasn't really been there for anyone before because she's always felt there were more capable people, but Cal has given her so much more confidence. His baby girl is growing up! And so's her dad. I really wanted Dylan to understand Dylan K because I don't think many people do.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. There's more than one bit of déja vu in this chapter, though I've only just realised it! I hope Brian's latest act will be the last straw, but Hazel's obviously been forgiving him for years. I don't know what she sees in him, but there must be something! I'm glad you think Dixie's doing the right thing.

 **westlife4ever80** , unfortunately, a lot of people in Honey's situation would let it slide, but she does have a few days to change her mind. That would be mean of me to kill Connie and Jacob off when I've finally brought them into the story, but Connie was lucky last time. Maybe she will be this time too. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Jacob knew a drunk driver could cause a lot of damage – but so could a panicked one who was reliving her past. This wasn't the place where the accident had happened, but they were driving along a country road with a big drop to their left. Talking about Grace had probably brought it back too. Nearly losing Grace had nearly killed Connie: it had done so much more damage than the fall. But in the end, she'd lost her in a different way.

Though Jacob hadn't given up hope that Grace could be reached.

"Connie, it's okay," said Jacob. "They're not trying to run you off the road. They're just trying to show off how big and clever they are by driving much too fast. Stop the car and they'll drive right on past. I promise."

"But what if they don't?" said Connie desperately.

"Then I'll get out of the car and give them what-for!" said Jacob. "Or I'll let you deal with it. One look from Mrs Masters and they'll suddenly feel stone-cold sober."

"They won't listen," said Connie. "They want to hurt me. They know who I am!"

She stamped on the accelerator. The speedometer crept higher.

Too high.

"Now, how could they possibly know that?" said Jacob. He put his hands over Connie's. "Come on, Connie. Slow down and stop the car."

Elle spoke from the back seat. "It'll be okay, Connie."

"They'll hit us!" said Connie. "They'll push us over the cliff."

"No, they won't," said Jacob with a calmness he didn't feel. "They won't, Connie. Trust me. I'm a nurse."

* * *

Alicia touched Ethan's leg. "I'm sensing déja-vu. You've dislocated your knee."

Ethan cringed slightly at the memory – and not just because of the pain. He couldn't believe he'd wanted to be with Alicia. She was a nice girl, but Lily was… _Lily_. His soulmate. His future. His whole life. "Please. Just do what you have to do." He wasn't even looking at Alicia. He kissed Lily's hand and stroked it. "I'm here, my darling. I'm here. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever happens, I'm going to love you just as much. None of this is your fault and I'd never blame you for anything."

"Do you need pain relief?" asked Alicia.

"The only thing I need is to be with Lily," said Ethan. His knee was hurting, but it really didn't matter. Still, Alicia was being kind and he roused himself to show some appreciation. "Thank you, Alicia. I know you're helping me and I'm grateful. But nothing matters as much as Lily and our baby." He kissed Lily's hand again. "I love you so much, Lily. And I love our baby. Whether we get to take care of it or it goes to live with its big sister and grandparents, it'll always be our baby and I'll always love him or her. Just like I'll always love you."

* * *

Max groaned silently. He'd forgotten it hadn't been Zoe who'd told him about the hospital records.

It usually was Zoe. She told him things she probably wouldn't tell him, but she needed to talk and she knew Max would understand.

"Who told you?" said Zoe, a note of panic in her voice.

Max decided he'd better be honest. "Rita told me."

There was a shocked silence. "Rita?" echoed Zoe. "Why would she do that?"

"She was asking me if Ariana or any of her friends had been admitted to the ED recently," said Max.

" _What_?" said Zoe. "Why would she do that?"

There was a gasp from Ariana. She turned to look at Max, her eyes wide.

"Just a second, Zoe," said Max. "Are you okay, Ari?"

"It might be nothing," said Ariana nervously.

Max took her hand. "It's okay. Just tell me."

Ariana reached for her phone. "You know that text I got a while ago? It was Rita. She said she was doing a survey she wanted to know how helpful the doctors and nurse were and how easy they were to talk to."

"Just let me tell Mum about that," said Max, and relayed the information to Zoe.

"Well, I'm only a locum so that could be how they do things now," said Zoe. "But it seems really odd."

* * *

Sam stared at Charlie. "You hacked into hospital records because of _Alicia_?"

"She came into our lives and you thought she was so clever and amazing," said Charlie. "It was always just you and me and then _she_ was here. There's no way I'm going to be a doctor or even a healthcare assistant like you were."

"Charlie, you should be whatever you want to be," said Sam. "I didn't even work in a hospital for long."

"I just wanted a way of measuring up to her," said Charlie heavily. "Something I'm good at. Something she can't do. And this is it. I can look at every patient record in the hospital and no-one knows."

Sam spoke seriously. "Charlie, you don't need to measure up to anyone, but even if you did, this isn't the way. This is confidential information."

"I've only looked at mine," said Charlie. "I've searched for other people, but I haven't viewed their records."

Sam hated himself for wondering what else Charlie might have done. "And you do this because Alicia makes you feel you're not good enough in some way?"

Charlie spoke bitterly. "It used to be just you and me, but now it's always you and Alicia."

"I love Alicia," said Sam. "But that doesn't mean I feel any different about you. You're still my son. If there's anything wrong, I'll always be here." He looked seriously at Charlie. "But something's obviously very wrong if you're breaking the law."

* * *

Matilda held Cal's hand tightly as they climbed the stairs. She couldn't imagine how much he was hurting. She didn't know Lily, but she knew how much Cal cared about Ethan. Poor Ethan had been struggling so much. Why did this have to happen to him too? How was that fair?

Cal pushed open a door and they passed through it into a corridor. Dixie hadn't spoken, but Matilda knew she was right behind them and she was glad. She knew now there had been no reason to run away from Dixie. Dixie cared about her – and she also cared about Cal.

Cal stopped walking and pointed to a door. His lips opened, but no words came out.

Matilda could feel his hand shaking. "You can do this. I know you can." She kissed him on the cheek.

Cal caught her tightly in his arms and held her for a moment without speaking ."I'll see you soon," he managed, his voice shaking. "I don't know when. But it will be soon."

"I love you," said Matilda. "Dad."

Cal held her even more tightly. "I love you too, my wonderful, beautiful daughter."

* * *

Tamzin saw the horror on Jack's face

"No, we can't go to St James'!" Jack was waving his arms about in an overdramatic manner, but she knew he was serious.

She could understand it. Of course Jack wanted Caleb to be near his parents. He also knew the people who worked in Holby ED and obviously trusted them.

"They're expecting us at St James'," said Tamzin awkwardly.

"Then tell them to un-expect us!" said Jack. "He's a kid, Tamzin. He's got to be near his parents."

Tamzin lowered her head. He was right. In these circumstances, going to Holby would make more sense. It just so happened that Jack's call had been answered by a paramedic who was based at St James'.

"Go on!" said Jack. "Tell the driver we're going to Holby instead."

Tamzin wanted to. It was what Caleb needed and that was what mattered. Her patient.

"Is there a problem?" asked Jack, his hands on his hips.

"I… I don't know," said Tamzin. "But I haven't been back to the hospital since Jeff's funeral. I hoped I'd never have to again."

* * *

Iain came out of Alfie's room to discover Rita sitting innocently on the sofa.

Too innocently.

There were times when Iain loved to see Rita in this kind of mood. The more innocent she was, the naughtier she was likely to be and Iain had always loved a naughty Rita.

But he was worried. The facebook business had got into her head and he knew she could say and do pretty much anything.

Iain sat beside her. He'd expected to be angry, but instead he felt sad. He loved Rita, but she had a problem. A problem he'd mostly ignored because he couldn't bear to hurt her by mentioning it, but now he couldn't help worrying that she'd gone too far. Again.

"Rita, what have you done?" he asked sorrowfully.

"I've been compiling my suspect list," said Rita. "Whoever's doing this is a monster, Iain. They're targetting vulnerable kids and spreading damaging rumours. We can't wait for the police. We need to do something now."

* * *

Dylan K was surprised to get a text from Dylan. He wouldn't have expected her to get frightened or lonely.

He read her text and nearly smiled. _I can't sleep. I'm bored._

He'd never have expected Dylan to send a childish text like that. He'd have thought a series of medical questions she wanted to know the answer to was far more her line.

It might have annoyed him in another child (not including his brother), but he was glad to see that Dylan approached the adults for help sometimes.

No-one could do entirely without adult help, even when you were an adult. Dylan K had tried to cut himself off from it, but even if you could manage without other people in your personal life, it was very different at work.

He texted her back. Would _you like me to explain how to perform a pericardiocentesis?_

He was unsurprised by Dylan's response. _How about I tell you and you can correct me?_

He agreed and said he'd phone her as it would be easier that way. He took himself out into the corridor so he'd be less likely to disturb Luke and called her.

Dylan was halfway through explaining the procedure when she stopped suddenly.

"Are you all right?" asked Dylan K. "If you need medical assistance, press the button."

"I don't," said Dylan. "But it sounds like someone does. I'll be right back."

"Dylan, stay where you are!" said Dylan K sharply. "You're not well and you can't give hospital treatment!"

But Dylan had gone.


	86. Chapter 86

_There's a surprise relationship in this one. I hope it's not too weird. I'm so happy you still like this story._

 **X-Sammii-X** , I imagine something like what Connie went through with Grace never goes away. I've been wanting Tilly to call Cal 'Dad' for a while, but it never seemed like the right moment. I hope it's the right moment now. Even Dylan has her teenager moments! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Cal and Matilda moments. I really love writing them together. I'm not sure if Tamzin will have flashbacks as Connie has only just had one, but it's not going to be easy for her! I doubt much scares Connie, but those memories always will.

 **Tanith Panic** , luckily, Jacob is one of the few people Connie listens to or we could have had another 30th anniversary on our hands! Or 45 years as this would be. I'm glad Cal and Matilda's scene was moving - I'm sad I can't write another for a while. Maybe I can engineer a coincidental meeting! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you like the last section! I'm glad you liked Cal and Tilly soon. I wanted to write them a longer scene, but I wasn't sure what else they could say, so I'm really glad it worked as it was. The crash episode was so helpful in giving me lots of ideas - I'm glad you liked them.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I was worried about the crash episode as I thought it would kill off half my characters, but it really helped as I needed something to happen to Connie on the way and something for Ethan and Alicia to say to each other besides 'poor Lily'! I'm glad Ethan's love was convincing. Thank you for your review.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I'm not an Alicia fan and Ethan is my favourite, so I hated the idea of them together, but the last episode did have some sweet moments. I can't see them together long-term, but maybe the writers will change my mind! I'm glad you felt Connie's scene was realistic.

 **EDSidekick** , I'm behind with reading fanfics too, so don't worry! My output is ridiculous. That's a really interesting point about Ella possibly stepping up in the wrong way. I didn't think of that, but I love it! That's one thing I like about Dylan K: that any positive comment is definitely sincere. You know where you are with him. I couldn't split Rita and Iain up - not after what the show did to them! Yes, Lottie was in Charlie's room and Charlie does tutor other students. Thank you for your reviews.

 **westlife4ever80** , I think there probably are a lot of people Connie has upset over the years - she's lovely really, but she keeps people in their places! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan stood outside Hazel's room and tried to convince herself everything would be okay.

She hadn't done anything wrong All she'd done was administer pain relief. She knew how it was done and she'd checked Hazel's chart to make sure sufficient time had elapsed since has last dose.

It had felt good. Dylan had felt like a real doctor.

Until the actual doctor had arrived.

He'd pulled Dylan roughly away from the bed and he'd told her to leave. He'd said it so forcefully, Dylan had found herself obeying without explaining she was trying to help.

She'd been confused at first, but now the adrenaline had worn off, she could see his point.

He didn't know Dylan. He didn't know she knew what she was doing.

The door opened and the doctor snapped at her to get out of the way. Dylan watched in horror as Hazel was wheeled out of the room. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"No," said the doctor shortly. "She was given an overdose of medication by a child."

Hazel was whisked away. Dylan couldn't move.

 _But I know what I'm doing._ _I couldn't have given her too much._

But how could she be sure of that? She knew what to do, but she also knew how to remove a gall bladder and perform a pericardiocentesis. But that didn't mean she would have tried it.

Dylan walked slowly back to her room. Her phone was lying on the bed where she'd left it. There was a message from Dylan K.

 _If you get this in time, don't do anything. I'm on my way._

* * *

Jack looked at Tamzin in alarm.

He did get it. He wouldn't have gone back to the ED if it wasn't for Jamie. He'd spent the whole of his first day back worrying for his suit and his sanity.

But this was different.

"I'm sorry!" said Tamzin. "I know it's wrong. I know it's selfish."

"You might not actually have to go in," said Jack. "Wait outside and I'll help what's-his-face in the front with the trolley."

Tamzin shook her head. "I'll need to do the handover. I'm the one who knows how he's been in the ambo."

Jack put his hand on her arm. "You can do this, Tamzin, okay? I'm sure when you get back into it, you'll go straight into work mode and everything will be fine. I'll even hold your hand if you like and that's not an offer I make to every girl."

* * *

Noel left the room tightly and entered the bathroom, his phone in his hand.

He was trembling. He was devastated by what had happened to his little girl and he wanted to kill the man responsible.

Noel felt partly responsible too. If he'd taken better care of Honey; if he'd been there for her instead of worrying about his marriage. He loved Louise, but Honey was his baby girl. He'd neglected her. He'd failed her.

Louise had said they had to respect Honey's wishes, but Noel was sure Honey wasn't thinking clearly. No-one could be after something like that. She wasn't in any state to make a decision. Therefore, someone had to make the decision for her.

Noel found the number. "Hello. I'd like to report a rape."

* * *

Connie sat in the back of the car with Jacob's arms around her. She couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. When she'd finally stopped, the other car had slowed down slightly but driven right past. Not a care in the world.

"It's okay, Connie," Jacob was saying. "We're safe."

"I'm okay now," said Connie, not very convincingly, but when she repeated the words, her voice sounded stronger. "Come on. We'd better go."

"I'm not sure you should be driving yet," said Elle cautiously.

"I'll drive then," said Jacob, but he didn't let go of Connie. "We'll give it a few more minutes, okay? Then I'll drive."

"No. We can't waste any more time," said Connie. "We need to get going."

Jacob seemed to recognise that she meant it. He smiled, kissed her and went to get into the driver's seat.

"Have you told Grace you're coming?" asked Elle.

"How could I?" said Connie. "I had to pack and you've been with me ever since."

It was an excuse. Connie knew it. Elle knew it too.

"It might be better to tell her," said Elle. "If she sees you unexpectedly…"

"She'll have gone home now," said Connie.

"Yes," said Elle, "but I get the impression we'll still be here tomorrow morning."

* * *

"I'm sorry I ran away," said Matilda.

Dixie rubbed her shoulder. "Let's not worry about that, shall we? It was all a misunderstanding. Olivia thought you were in love with Cal. She had a crush on Cal, but he turned her down because she was too young. Oli didn't want the same to happen to you."

"Did he want Olivia to be his daughter too?" asked Matilda.

"Not at all," said Dixie. "The only person Cal has ever had any interest in being a father to you is you – well, you and the little baby who might be you. We shouldn't make any assumptions about that till we've checked the records."

Matilda looked at Dixie. "Do you think Lily's baby will be okay?"

Dixie's voice was sympathetic. "I can't answer that, Matilda. I'm sure even the experts can't be sure. All we can do is hope and whatever the outcome, good or bad, we can be there to support the family."

"But I won't be able to see them," said Matilda.

"Not immediately, no," said Dixie. "But I'm sure it won't be forever. I'll be putting in a good word for Cal and I'm sure the police won't find any reason to worry. Cal has sailed close to the wind at times, but he's a good man."

"Is Taylor a good woman?" asked Matilda.

"I think…" Dixie paused. "I think she's a very unhappy woman."

"Do you think I'm making a mistake, getting to know her?"

"I think it's very difficult to know if something's a mistake or not until you've given it a try. But don't expect too much, Matilda. Taylor's not going to be perfect. Nobody is. If you put somebody on a pedestal, they'll almost always disappoint you – because they're only human."

* * *

David unlocked the door and walked slowly into the flat. He couldn't remember when he'd last felt this drained. He'd never had a day at the hospital he could have described as 'easy', but it was always so much worse when your colleagues were suffering.

"Hey!" Amira came to meet him, enfolding her in his arms and giving him a kiss. "Where have you been then? Not got another woman on the go, I hope?"

David just shook his head, unable to bring himself to speak or even smile.

Amira's face changed. "What happened?" When he didn't answer, she put her arm around him. "Come with me." She took him into the living room and sat on the sofa beside him. "I know you've had a tough day and I know you're not ready to talk about it yet. But when you are ready, I'm here, okay?"

"Dr Hardy's having a miscarriage," said David.

"Oh my God!" said Amira. "I didn't know she'd had more IVF."

David shook his head.

Amira understood. "So even if this baby survives, it might have…"

David nodded.

Amira held him more tightly. "Poor Lily. Poor Ethan. And Cal too. No-one deserves that, but they've been through too much already."

"Ella's dad's in ICU," said David. "Possible suicide attempt. Dylan's OCD is back. His stepmother's in hospital."

"That does sound bad," said Amira. "For all of them. But let's get you sorted now. I know you probably don't want to eat and I promise I won't get offended if you can't eat everything, but I really think you ought to try, okay?"

David nodded and she led him to the table.

* * *

Ethan held on to Lily's hand for as long as he could, but eventually, he had to let go. He couldn't go into surgery with her. As their hands parted, he felt the strength drain from his body and he thought he was going to fall.

Alicia hurried to his side, but Ethan felt strong arms around his waist and knew it was Cal.

He turned Ethan to face him. "I'm here, buddy. I'm here. I've got you."

"I'll get a chair," said Alicia, brushing past them.

"Where were you?" said Ethan, even though it didn't matter.

"With Matilda," said Cal. "She's gone home with Dixie now."

Ethan turned to face him. "What aren't you telling me, Caleb?"

Cal looked guilty. "It's nothing, Ethan. Really."

"Just tell me!"

"Taylor's got in contact with Tilly. Tilly wants to get to know her."

Ethan buried his face in Cal's chest. "Why does everything have to happen at once?"

Cal held him. "I don't know, Nibbles. But I'm sure Daisy, Caleb and Alice are fine."

"They probably aren't, the way today's going!"

* * *

Rita held out the list to Iain. "Zoe thinks it's a locum and it's possible. A couple of them have kids at the same school so maybe Ariana and her friends have upset them in some way. Then from out lot: Cal and Ella are pretty indiscreet; Ethan's not well and could have said anything; Lily might have wanted to get back at Ethan; Connor's mother was a drug addict. I've also got the four girls down: Dylan is always trying to get involved with the running of the hospital; Ariana is unstable; Matilda's obviously really unsettled at the moment; and Lottie… well, you've always got to watch the quiet ones. Then I've got Charlie too as he definitely knows what he's doing, and Luke. He's got two girlfriends so he obviously doesn't mind a bit of deception."

Iain sighed. "Are you going to put Alfie on there too?"

Rita stared at him in shock. "You don't seriously think Alfie…"

"Of course I don't," said Iain. "But it seems to me like you're sticking everyone down and thinking up a reason."

"I might be right," said Rita.

"Yeah, you might be right about one of them," said Iain. "But you could cause a lot of upset, Rita. Let the police handle it. They're trained in how to handle this and they don't have a personal connection like you do."

"But they're too slow!" said Rita. "We need to do something now."

Iain gently took the tablet where Rita had written her list. "We don't have to do anything at all. Let this go, Rita. I'm serious." He paused. "Maybe tomorrow, we should give Grace a call."


	87. Chapter 87

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Noel shouldn't have done it without Honey's agreement, but guys like that do need to be caught and stopped. Ethan probably can't take too much more - and he doesn't know about Caleb yet. It's Cal's turn to be the safety net. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I really liked Amira and wanted to put her in the story and I didn't want David to be alone. Amira will be happy to do all the talking when David doesn't want to! Rita and Iain are a great couple - the Casualty writers could have done so much more if Rita hadn't left. It's one thing after another for Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I agree - a lot of people would support what Noel did and I can see why, but taking control at a time when Honey needs to feel like the one in control probably wasn't the best idea. His heart's in the right place now. Connie is in a state - but who isn't? Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. It is difficult for Dylan - she was trying to help and perhaps she did do exactly the right thing, but she shouldn't be messing with the patients' medication! It's sad in a way that Matilda wants Taylor to be her mum - I think Dixie would be so much better. She 'gets' Matilda and that's important.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I think Dixie has probably seen a lot of damaged people in her job and as a foster mother so I think she'd be really good at not judging. It's a shame Taylor didn't have a foster family like Dixie. It might have made a difference. I'm glad the Cal and Ethan comfort isn't getting repetitive! I do write it a lot!

 **Applealice10** , you might have a point about Taylor. She probably can't be a good mother. Yes, even Dylan has her childish moments. She forgets she can't do everything herself - and that's a childish quality because part of growing up is doing most things yourself but accepting that sometimes you need someone else. I hope you like Elle's storyline. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Rita stared at Iain in disbelief. "What are you saying, Iain?"

"I'm saying that maybe you need to have a chat to Grace," said Iain. "Obviously this facebook business has upset you. Understandably. And when you get upset, it's natural for you to use your old coping methods."

"I'm not crazy!" said Rita.

Iain knew he'd hurt her. It was hurting him too. "Of course you're not crazy. I didn't say you were. But I think you need a bit of…" He stopped short of saying 'help'. "Of guidance. And it helped talking to Grace when you thought I was having an affair with Ella, didn't it?"

Rita looked down at the floor, her lips pressed tightly together. "I don't need guidance, Iain."

"Okay, maybe you don't need it now," said Iain. "But you know what Ben Harding used to say. When something upsetting happens, the feelings of obsession can return and then they spiral out of control. You framed Connie for murder; pretended to be a victim of domestic abuse; made false reports about Ella's competence and got her suspended… You don't do these things for malicious reasons, Rita. Nobody's saying that. But you can't think straight and if you keep on trying to work out who's being the facebook account, you might end up doing something else – something that seems completely logical and right to you, but it could cause real damage."

Rita's eyes were full of tears. "I just want to make things better."

"I know you do," said Iain gently. He put his arms around her. "That's why you're a nurse; that's one of the reasons why I love you. You want to help people." He looked seriously into her eyes. "And there's nothing wrong with that. But when you start trying to fix things that are outside your control – that's when you get yourself in trouble. I love you, Rita, and I don't want to see that happen again."

* * *

Zoe had gone outside for a cigarette (she hadn't actually smoked for years, but there was something about working in an ED that brought back all the cravings), but she could hardly ignore the ambulanced. She dropped her cigarette and stubbed it out with a spiked heel. "What have you got for… Jack, what are you… _Tamzin_? Is that you?"

Tamzin stared at her for a moment, clearly not recognising Zoe ( _do I really look that old?_ ).

"I'm Zoe Walker, Tamzin. Formerly Zoe Hanna."

"Yeah, course. Sorry." Tamzin was looking pale and a bit shaky. "This is Caleb Hardy, aged-."

"Oh my God!" said Zoe.

"He's still conscious, so if you need to get another doctor…" said Tamzin.

"No. No, I'll do it," said Zoe. "Caleb knows me. He won't be happy with a stranger."

"I'll stay too as long as he's not sick on me," said Jack.

They started walking towards the ED as Tamzin explained what had happened.

Poor Ethan and Lily… why did life keep throwing things at them like this? Surely if any couple deserved some happiness…

Ahead of them, the doors opened. Zoe tried to push the trolley towards Resus, but the trolley didn't move. She looked back at Tamzin, who'd stopped speaking. "Tamzin? What's wrong?"

"I can't go in there," said Tamzin.

* * *

"So. We're here," said Jacob in a quiet voice.

Elle looked out of the window.

They were here. They were really here. After so long.

There was an easy smile on Jacob's face. The slight concern entered his eyes only when he looked at Connie. "You okay, sweet-cheeks?"

"It's Mrs Masters while we're here, Senior Charge Nurse Masters."

"I think everyone's going to know from our names that we're a bit more than casual acquaintances," said Jacob.

"Then I'm sure you have sufficient affection for me to respect my wishes," said Connie.

Jacob's voice was certainly full of affection as he replied: "I'm glad you're feeling better. You gave us quite a scare."

"I gave myself a scare," admitted Connie.

"I know," said Jacob. "But you're okay now."

Elle was glad they weren't looking at her. She was sure her feelings must show on her face.

"All right, Pancake?" said Jacob, peering around the seat.

Elle forced a smile. "That's Dr Gardner while we're here, Senior Charge Nurse Masters."

Jacob laughed. "Put in my place again. I can see a theme developing here." He and Connie got out of the car and Elle hesitated only a moment before following.

She was being silly, after all. It was ridiculous to be nervous about coming back here. She'd been a very successful consultant and also done well in her stints as acting clinical lead.

Yet, as Elle followed Connie and Jacob towards the ED, she was filled with an impending sense of disaster.

* * *

Cal wasn't surprised when Ethan fell apart. It had happened so often lately and Cal could only imagine the strength he'd have needed to support Lily.

Alicia arrived with two chairs. Cal thanked her and helped Ethan into one of the chairs before sitting beside him.

"I can't do this, Cal! I can't do it!" wailed Ethan.

Cal rocked his little brother in his arms. "I know you can, Ethan. You've been brilliant. So brave."

"He really has been," said Alicia. "He didn't even flinch when I put his knee back for him. He dislocated it again, but luckily, he was wearing more flexible trousers. He just held Lily's hand and told her he loved her."

Cal's anxiety rose. "How did he hurt his knee?"

Ethan cried harder. "I fell, Cal! Again."

"He was sitting next to me on the floor," said Alicia. "I was upset about Lily. Lily told him to go after me. Then Lily screamed and Ethan tried to go from sitting to running in one move. I know I'd have fallen over if I'd tried that."

"So would I!" said Cal. "And I'm not surprised you did, Ethan. You've never been the most athletic person and… well, not being rude, but you are in your forties now."

"I fell, Cal," wept Ethan. "It's getting worse. Lily's having a baby and even if she doesn't lose it, it might have the gene and the cure doesn't work and I won't be able to look after my baby! How can I hold a baby and keep it safe?"

Cal noticed Alicia was getting teary too, but Ethan was his priority. He always had been. "Ethan, you don't know it's the symptoms. You're really tired and stressed. We'll know more when your doctor calls back. And even if it is the symptoms, this is just the beginning. You'll be able to hold and care for your baby. I promise."

* * *

Dylan K found Dylan sitting on the floor outside her room. He didn't even think twice about sitting beside her. "Dylan, what happened?"

Dylan looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. "I'm sorry, Dylan."

"Don't apologise. Tell me what happened."

"I was so stupid." Dylan brushed her fingers under her eyes.

"We're all stupid sometimes," said Dylan K. "You heard a patient calling for help, so you went to help?"

Dylan nodded.

"What happened then?"

Dylan wiped her eyes again. "She said she was in pain. I… I gave her…"

Dylan K tried not to groan. He managed it. Just. "You gave her pain relief?"

Dylan nodded, more tears escaping.

"Dylan, even I'm not supposed to give pain relief in someone else's hospital! Have you even been trained in how to do it? You're very capable and it wouldn't surprise me if you did it more competently than a lot of professionals, but that doesn't matter. You don't work here so you can't treat the patients."

"I gave her an overdose!" sobbed Dylan. "I didn't mean to. I checked her chart and the timings and I gave her the correct amount… or that's what I thought. But I'm just a kid. I'm not a doctor. And now she's going to die because of me!"

Dylan K pushed Dylan's head into his chest. "You don't know that. Most overdoses aren't successful. She might be fine."

"She's never going to let me be with Luke now!" said Dylan.

"Oh no. Tell me you didn't give pain relief to _Hazel_."

"I'm sorry!" cried Dylan.

Dylan K sighed. "It might still be all right. Listen. Whatever happens, we'll face it together, all right?"

Dylan lifted her head and looked up at him. "You don't hate me?"

"Oh, don't be so ridiculous," said Dylan K.

* * *

Matilda knocked lightly on the door and opened it. "Taylor? It's Matilda. Can I come in?"

"Of course you can!" Taylor sounded emotional.

Matilda went into the room and straight to her side. "How are you?"

Taylor looked pale and she'd obviously been crying. "I was so scared, Matilda. I thought I was never going to see you again."

"You will see me again," said Matilda. "I don't know when because I have to go back with Dixie now and there might be rules, but you're my mum and I'd like to get to know you. Dixie's okay with that and so is Dad, I mean Cal."

Taylor held out her hand. "I'm so glad you're here, Matilda. I'm so glad I met you today."

Matilda knew Taylor had engineered the meeting, which could have been creepy, but it also touched her that Taylor had bothered. "I'm glad I met you too, Taylor."

"Can't you call me 'Mum'?" asked Taylor, looking up at her.

"I only started calling Cal 'Dad' today," said Matilda. "I'll need to get to know you a bit better first. But I'll come and see you as soon as I can. I promise."

"I love you," said Taylor.

Matilda gave her a hug.

* * *

Max went to get his laptop from the hall, but it wasn't there. He must have left it in the car again, but it was cold and dark, and Ariana's laptop was on the table.

"Ariana, is it okay if I use your laptop?" he said.

Ariana hesitated, suspicion coming into her eyes.

"I promise I won't look at your documents or anything like that," said Max. "I told you. They're not my business."

"Okay," said Ariana cautiously.

"Thank you." Max smiled at her and spun the laptop to face him. He knew that using Ariana's laptop wasn't ideal so he would delete what he was doing from her history before he gave it back to her, but he was curious.

He'd managed to hack into the hospital computer system in an emergency, but not for some time. The system had probably changed, but more advanced systems didn't always have better security.

Every time technology upgraded, so did those who liked to exploit it.

Max went on google and started to type in the name of the Holby City Hospital website. Almost immediately, several suggestions came up, including: _holby city hospital patient files_. Max went to click on it, but then he stopped.

There were two types of suggestions offered by google. Suggestions in black, which showed what most internet users were searching for. And searches in red, which showed previous searches Ariana had made.

The suggestion of 'holby city hospital patient files' was in red.


	88. Chapter 88

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you like what I'm doing with the hacker! There will be other possible suspects revealed in future chapters. I'm sure a hug with Lily would help Ethan, even if he feels like he's got to keep his feelings hidden. Taylor was very pushy, though at least she accepted what Matilda said - for now. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It is horrible seeing Ethan upset, but as you say, when Ethan is sad, Cal will comfort him! I think everyone likes to see that. I don't know if I like seeing Ethan sad because it is very upsetting, but at the same time, I do get extra-involved in those episodes and stories.

 **Tanith Panic** , I wish I never forgot details! It's hard keeping track of everything in this story. I think most people would feel uneasy about Matilda and Taylor - Matilda's a vulnerable child and Taylor's a criminal. It's a scary combination. I love it when Dylan K says 'horrible' things that are actually reassuring. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. It would be hard for Tamzin to go into the ED and it probably made it much worse that she's avoided it for so long. Sometimes staying away from somewhere can really help the emotions to fade, but sometimes it makes it much worse.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the Dylans' scene. I did wonder about Matilda being so desperate to find her mum, she'd do everything Taylor wanted, but I think she's grown up too much for that and she does have Cal so she's not alone. I'm afraid Elle's storyline will start slowly, but she'll be in every chapter.

* * *

Max looked at the computer screen. His gaze flickered to Ariana, but she was looking at something on her phone.

 _Looking at what?_ Max couldn't help thinking. _At the hospital records?_

Of course, he knew Ariana wouldn't be able to find the files from a google search, but she'd shown today how good her computer knowledge was. Much better than Max had realised. She might have started with a google search and gone on from there.

 _But gone where?_ thought Max. _And once she'd got there, what did she do then?_

His fingers hesitated over the keyboard, then he started to type the URL of the site where the online records used to be stored.

Almost at once, the computer predicted what he wanted to know.

The site asked for a log-in. Max clicked inside the box and it came up with a log-in he knew to be Zoe's.

Max tried to feel reassured. It wasn't impossible Zoe had accessed the site on her daughter's laptop. Max couldn't think why – or when, for that matter: this was only Zoe's second day back at Holby – but perhaps she'd wanted to check up on something.

"Dad?" Ariana was looking worried. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," said Max. He exited the site and deleted his visit to the site from Ariana's history. "Everything's fine, Ariana. Don't worry."

* * *

Zoe had experienced a lot in her career, but a paramedic who refused to enter the hospital was something new.

But wasn't that one reason why she loved the job? There were some problems that presented themselves over and over again, but almost every day brought a new challenge.

"I know it must be difficult," said Zoe. "It's your first time back, isn't it?"

Tamzin nodded. "I did come back to hand my resignation in. But after that..."

"I'm sure you can do this," said Zoe. "Of course it's very different for you, but we all loved Jeff. We all missed him. We still do."

"How about if I tell you everything that's wrong with Caleb and then you and Jack can take him inside?" said Tamzin.

"We could do that," agreed Zoe with a glance at Caleb. "And if Caleb's condition deteriorates, then we'll have to. But I think you need to do this, Tamzin. For yourself. For Jeff. He wouldn't want you to be feeling like this: unable to go into a place that was such an important part of your lives. I know you're a brave woman, Tamzin. You have to be, in your job. No sane person would face what you do every day without fear, but you face it and you control it. I know you can do this."

" _I_ came back," offered Jack. "I thought I'd never come back here again, but I knew it was what Jamie wanted and I love Jamie."

Zoe nodded. "And that's why I came back too. Three times. For Max. He doesn't work here now, but this is where I'm meant to be and he wants me to be happy. And I'm sure this is where Jeff wants you to be, Tamzin."

* * *

Matilda walked nervously into the kitchen. Jess immediately got to her feet and gave her a hug. Olivia gave Matilda a hesitant smile. Her eyes were slightly red.

"I'm sorry," said Matilda, and started to cry. "I'm so sorry for worrying you all."

"No, I'm sorry," said Olivia. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

"It's understandable," said Matilda. "I think I'm probably the only teenage girl who doesn't have a crush on an older man." She was trembling, but she looked at all three women in turn. "I'm not going to run away again. I promise. It was stupid of me. I'm afraid I can't regret it completely because I got to meet my real mum at least, but I am sorry for all the worry I've caused you."

Olivia got up and hugged her. "You're back now. So it's okay." She looked at Dixie and Jess. "Isn't it?"

"Completely," said Jess. Dixie nodded and smiled at Olivia.

"I would like to go and live with Cal eventually," said Matilda apologetically. "He's my dad and I love him."

"You mean he actually is your _dad_?" gasped Olivia. "Oh God. I really did mess up."

Matilda shook her head. "No. You helped me to realise I can trust Dixie and Jess. I wish I hadn't caused you all so much trouble, but I'm so grateful and so lucky to be here."

* * *

Connie walked in to discover the ED in chaos.

She smiled. She knew that was no reason to worry. Since when was the ED not in chaos?

"Excuse me!" One of the receptionists was calling her. "Can I help you?" There was an edge of sarcasm to her voice. She reminded Connie of a young Louise Garcia in her pre-nursing days.

"I'm Mrs Masters," Connie said impressively. "Former clinical lead and current locum. I think you'll find _I'll_ be the one helping _you_."

She heard Jacob's light chuckle behind her, but she didn't smile.

"Oh. You're Grace's mum, aren't you?" said the receptionist without interest. "Go on then."

Jacob laughed more loudly this time and Connie really was fighting to hold her own smile back now.

' _Grace's mum_ '?

Of course, that was how she'd been known at Grace's schools and when she'd taken her daughter for her many hospital appointments following the accident, but she hadn't expected to be 'Grace's mum' in her own ED!

Connie didn't even look behind her to check Jacob and Elle were following. She knew they would be. It would be a bit like looking up to check that the ceiling wasn't collapsing.

Though it wouldn't completely surprise Connie if the ceiling did collapse. The ED was that kind of place.

She walked into the nurses' station. "Who's in charge, please?"

"Dr Walker is acting clinical lead," came the reply.

"Thank you," said Connie. "And you are?" There was something familiar about the nurse. She felt sure she'd seen her before.

"Staff Nurse Evie Fletcher," she replied.

"Staff Nurse Fletcher," said Connie. "I'm Mrs Masters, former clinical lead and current locum. I believe I know your father."

Evie nodded. "He was a nurse here. So was my stepmum, Tess. My stepbrother Sam and his wife Alicia worked here too. And I'm mates with Grace."

"Small world," murmured Connie.

* * *

Ethan was so grateful for Cal's support. So, so grateful. Cal couldn't take all his pain and fears away, but Ethan knew everything would be so much worse without him.

"Okay?" said Cal as Ethan finally lifted his face from Cal's damp shirt.

"Sorry," whispered Ethan.

Cal shrugged. "I'm your big brother. That's what I'm here for."

Ethan sniffled. "And I'm sorry for being a baby."

Alicia offered Ethan a tissue. "It's okay to be upset, Ethan. Lily's your wife."

"And I love her," said Ethan as he dried his tears. "And everything keeps happening one thing after another and I can't stop it."

Cal hugged him. "You can't stop it, but you are coping, Ethan. You were there for Lily when she needed you."

Ethan shook his head. He knew he wasn't coping. He could feel all the thoughts racing around inside his head, crashing into each other and making his head to throb. He felt that, at any moment, he might break completely.

He heard footsteps and looked up. He thought for a moment that he was going crazy. He was sure Elle had retired.

"Ethan," said Elle. "Cal. Alicia. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here."

"Yeah," said Cal cheekily. "We thought we'd got rid of you years ago."

Elle didn't laugh. She stood awkwardly in front of them. "I'm… an unofficial locum, I suppose. Ethan, I know you're going through a difficult time. I know you all are and I'm very sorry."

Ethan murmured: "Thank you," and tried to smile.

"But I do need to tell you this," said Elle sadly. "I'm afraid Caleb has been brought into the ED. He's showing symptoms of meningitis. I'm so sorry."

* * *

Dylan K helped Dylan back into bed and wished he knew what to say. He couldn't imagine the pain Dylan must be feeling. The guilt. It was a mistake he'd made and it had been difficult, even though the patient had made a full recovery. But he was a trained doctor and he hadn't known the patients personally.

"If she's not okay…" said Dylan in a shaking voice.

Dylan K was holding her hand. He didn't remember doing it, but it had happened. It didn't bother him and he thought Dylan needed the support. "If she's not okay, it's not necessarily because of what you did."

"But it might be," said Dylan quietly.

Her courage was admirable. She was distraught but ready to face whatever happened next.

Dylan K's phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and groaned. "Luke."

"You'd better speak to him," said Dylan. "He'll be worried."

"Okay. If you're sure. Hello, Luke."

"What's going on?" said Luke. "I woke up and you weren't here."

"I left a note," said Dylan K irritably.

"Yeah, you've got 'some business to attend to'," said Luke. "Very reassuring, Dylan. What 'business' could you be attending to except Mum and Dylan?"

"Sometimes, when you're a doctor, you get a feeling that something's wrong," said Dylan K. "You don't always know what it is immediately, but it usually comes to you eventually. Usually in the middle of the night."

Luke didn't sound reassured. "Well, you've only seen two patients and that's Mum and Dylan!"

"I treated several patients in Holby today," said Dylan K.

"So you expect me to believe you've gone back to Holby in the middle of the night?"

Dylan K didn't know what to say. He couldn't lie to his brother.

"Okay. I'm getting a taxi to the hospital," said Luke. "And if you keep on making a fuss, I'll forget the taxi and walk."

* * *

Louise was shocked by how much her feelings for Honey had changed.

She still thought Honey could be irritating and grasping and selfish and demanding and all sorts of things, but that didn't seem to matter. She was a human being and she'd been through something terrible. She needed support.

All Louise wanted was to provide it.

"We're here for you, Honey," said Louise softly. "You're not going through this on your own, okay?"

Honey continued to sob.

"And if that guy ever comes near you again, I'm going to kill him," said Noel fiercely.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll… I'll get that," mumbled Noel.

Louise stroked Honey's arm. "I'm sure he'll get rid of them, sweetheart."

She looked up as Noel entered the room.

He wasn't alone.

Louise stared at her husband in shock. "Noel, what have you done?"


	89. Chapter 89

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I miss Zoe's compassion - even though the patient is the priority, she supports the rest of her team too. I hope Matilda will be with Cal eventually, but she's got a good foster family so I wanted her to appreciate them. You could be right about what Noel's done!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think it really helps Matilda that Dixie likes and respects Cal - and vice-versa. I don't think Connie will ever lose the ability to shock people! She's got so much presence. It's open to opinion whether Noel has done something good or bad, but Louise certainly thinks it's bad! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Luke will be at the hospital very soon! Dylan K has been very supportive, but it's going to be difficult for him if Luke doesn't take the news wellt. I think seeing Cal and Dixie together really helped to reassure Tilly that she could trust Dixie, but it's still been a tough day and it's not over!

 **Tanith Panic** , I hope what Noel's done isn't a disappointment! It must be galling to be known as 'Grace's mum' in what you consider to be your own hospital, though if anyone can revise that opinion, it's Connie! I love worrying about characters too - and it's always a compliment when a reader cares. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm so glad you like Matilda. I think Cal can take some of the credit! He might even be setting a good example! It's a particularly small world in this story and there are going to be more returning characters, though their role will be minor (unless I change my mind). Thank you for your review.

* * *

Honey looked up in terror at the policemen. "Dad, I told you I can't talk to anyone!"

Noel sat beside her. "Listen, love. I know you're upset, but you do need to report this and it's better to do it while it's still fresh in your mind. You'll feel safer, too, once he's behind bars where he belongs. And this man, he's probably going to do this to other people's girls. Other people's daughters. I don't want any dad to feel the way I'm feeling right now. I didn't protect you, Honey, and I'm so sorry. Please let me make it up to you now."

Honey looked up at him in fear. "But I don't know anything, Dad! It was so dark. The lights were flashing. I don't even remember what he looks like. I…" She broke off as tears filled her eyes. "I can't do this, Dad. Please don't make me."

Noel sat beside her and hugged her, but she was tense in his arms. "Just do your best, love. That's all anyone can ask of you. Even if we can't get him this time, your evidence could help next time."

The policewoman stepped forward. "Hi, sweetheart. Are you Honey?"

Honey nodded warily.

"I'm Sergeant Saskia Bateman and this is PC Mikey Fletcher. Honey, it's absolutely your decision whether you tell us anything or not."

"I can't," said Honey.

"That's all right, Honey. If you want us to leave, then we can."

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Noel angrily. "My daughter has been raped. She needs your help." He stood up and barred their way. "I am not letting you walk out of here."

* * *

Ethan went still. Completely still. Cal couldn't even see signs that he was breathing.

Then Ethan did start to breathe, but with fast, wheezy breaths. He got unsteadily to his feet. "Got to… Caleb… no… Lily… Cal?"

Cal put his arm around Ethan. "Come on, Ethan. I've got you. Sit down. Now, I need you to breathe with me, okay?"

Ethan pressed his hand against his chest. "Hurts…"

"I know," said Cal gently. "But you can do this." He breathed with Ethan, aware of Elle's sympathetic eyes on them. At last, Ethan's breathing returned to normal. "Okay? Now, we need to decide what to do."

"I've decided," said Ethan quietly. His eyes were bloodshot from crying but determined. "I'm going down to be with Caleb. I don't want to leave Lily, but Caleb's a little boy – and perhaps a more vulnerable little boy than most. I have to be with him. Cal, Alicia, will you both stay up here, please? If Lily asks where I am, please…" Ethan closed his eyes for a moment. "I hate asking you to do this, but please tell her the truth. It's the last thing I want and I know it could make things worse, but I know Lily. We just can't keep this from her. I wish we could, but she's going to need us so badly and she's not going to accept support from us unless she trusts us."

* * *

Matilda couldn't do it.

She couldn't cope alone. She needed to talk to someone. She needed to let out some of the words that were battering her brain.

She knew it was wrong. She'd promised to be a good foster daughter and this probably wasn't what a good foster daughter should do. But she couldn't help it.

Every stair creaked as Matilda stepped on it and she glanced fearfully over her shoulder. If anyone heard her, they would think she was breaking her promise and running away.

But she needed to talk to someone. Someone she knew.

Dylan was in hospital and there was always a chance the conversation might upset Ariana, but they weren't Matilda's first choice anyway. She wanted to talk to Lottie. Lottie would listen and comfort her and she'd do it without trying to diagnose Taylor or getting into a panic that she might do the same bad things as Taylor had done.

Matilda sent a text first. She waited for the reply, knowing it might not come. She might be sitting here until morning, scared and alone, longing for her bed but unable to risk it.

But then her phone began to vibrate and Lottie was there. "What's happened, Tilly? You can tell me."

* * *

Ethan walked beside Elle as she quietly described Caleb's symptoms.

"He has a rash and he's vomiting. He's also showing signs of photophobia, but there's no nuchal rigidity. His GCS is 10, but although he's making no verbal sounds, we're aware that might just mean Caleb is scared and doesn't want to talk. Zoe asked him to lift his hand if he had a headache and he was able to obey the command, though he found it difficult. Can you tell me if he's been in a high-risk situation recently?"

"I… I don't know," said Ethan. "They were with Lily for a couple of days. I don't know what they did then. Caleb was at school last week. He's nervous of animals so I doubt it's that. We haven't been away anywhere. I'm sorry that's not much help."

"No, it's very helpful," said Elle gently. "You know that sometimes, as doctors, all we can do is rule things out. I do appreciate your honesty, Ethan. You know how important it can be."

* * *

Ella didn't know what to say now. She knew it would be good to keep talking to Ash; to let him hear her voice, but she was exhausted and she felt as though she'd said the same things so many times.

She felt Connor squeezing her shoulder. "Ella, if you want to talk to your dad, you can tell him anything. You don't just have to make promises. Tell him what cases you've worked on: that might interest him. Or we could have a chat. Your dad will still hear your voice, but it will take the pressure off you a bit."

"I'm not afraid of pressure," said Ella, even though she was. "It's time to grow up, Connor. Time to be responsible. I thought I'd grown up before and I have grown up a lot, but there's still more to do."

Connor smiled. "I think growing up is a process that never stops. There's always more you can learn. About yourself; about others; about the world in general..."

Ella gave him a sudden hug. "Thanks, Connor. I couldn't have got through the last few hours without you, but I've got to be grown-up about this too. You're working tomorrow. You need to sleep."

"I don't want to leave you on your own," said Connor.

Ella looked at the figure in bed. "I'm not on my own. I'm with my dad."

"I don't know…" said Connor worriedly.

"I'll be okay," said Ella. "However bad I feel, it's nothing compared with what my dad's feeling. I'm not pushing my feelings aside. I know I need to think about that too and I'm going to be sensible. I need to eat and sleep. There's no way I can take care of my dad if I don't take care of myself too. So I'm going to sleep now. As close to my dad as they'll let me. But you need to sleep too."

Connor looked at her for a moment, indecision on his face. "I'll come back and see you both tomorrow. And if you need me, just call."

Ella looked at him in gratitude. "Thank you."

"I'm proud of you, Ella." Connor kissed her on the cheek. "Your dad will be too."

* * *

Dylan could barely even look at him. He was running towards her, his arms outstretched and he had no idea.

Dylan K had offered to tell him, but Dylan knew she couldn't allow it. It was her mistake. She had to be honest about it. She couldn't let someone else to do it for her.

Luke kissed her. "It's okay. I'm here now. Whatever's happened, I'm going to support you."

 _No, you're not_ , thought Dylan. _I might have killed your mum. How can you ever support me again?_

Dylan K stood behind Luke, his eyes seeking Dylan's. She read the question in them. _Are you sure?_

"Luke, I need to tell you something," said Dylan.

Luke smiled and settled onto the bed beside her. "You can tell me anything, Dylan."

Dylan felt his hand taking hers. She looked down at their joined hands sadly. It was probably the last time. "Luke..." She looked up at Dylan K and realised he probably did this all the time. Giving bad news to relatives. She hadn't really thought about it before. She knew that not everyone survived in the ED, but this was one side she hadn't considered.

"I'm here, Dylan," said Luke.

"Luke, I'm so sorry," said Dylan, and didn't know how to go on.

Fear came into Luke's eyes. "Is it Mum?"

"Yes," said Dylan shakily.

* * *

Lily couldn't believe it. At first, she couldn't move or speak, then she dropped her head into her hands and began to moan. "Why?" she asked the whole world. "Why, why, why, why, why?"

"Oh, Lily." Cal sat on the bed and hugged her tightly. He didn't try to answer her question. Perhaps he knew there was no answer.

"I can't," groaned Lily. "I can't lose another one."

"I'm sorry," whispered Cal.

Lily lifted her head. Tears fell down her cheeks in streams. "Am I really such a bad mother that I deserve to have my children taken from me?"

"Lily, of course you're not a bad mother!" said Cal. "You know that's nothing to do with it. You're a wonderful mother and you're the very last person this should be happening to. You don't deserve this."

"Then why?" asked Lily. Her voice was clogged with tears and misery. It didn't sound like her voice anymore. For a moment, she clung to the hope that it wasn't; that someone else was saying these words; that it wasn't happening to her.

But she knew it was.

"I have had five pregnancies, Cal," moaned Lily. "Five. And I have two children."

"No, Lily! You have four children," said Cal. "What happened to Emilie wasn't your fault, and Caleb and your new baby are still here. Still fighting."

"'m going to lose them, Cal," said Lily flatly. "And I'm going to lose Ethan. His symptoms have started."

"We can't be sure of that." Cal was crying too now.

"I know," said Lily in a calm voice that belied the storm in her head and heart. "I know, Cal."

The door opened and the doctor entered. Lily barely reacted. She knew, after all. She _knew_.


	90. Chapter 90

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Honey is lucky Noel is so protective and loving. I think Cal, Ethan and Lily all got a bit caught up in the hope the treatment would work, but I don't think it was a surprise. I'm sure they will support each other - if we can get them all in the same part of the hospital at the same time!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It's a good thing Cal is there - Ethan and Lily might not have coped without him. He always steps up when it matters! I've never managed to make friends offline, so I envy Matilda slightly for having three friends! I think even a professional would really struggle to admit to Dylan's mistake.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Noel did the right thing and the wrong thing, if that makes sense! I don't mind that you're not 100% sure about Honey - bad things do happen to manipulative liars, but reputations happen for a reason and doubts can help keep a story interesting! I hope you won't be disappointed with the Luke and Dylan section. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review - I'm pleased you enjoyed the last chapter. It would be sad to split Luke and Dylan up, but he is in for a shock. Luckily, Tilly has Lottie to talk to, but it's only really Cal who can come close to giving her the answers she needs. Elle's story starts in the next chapter - finally! Sorry it's slow. Chapters 90 and 91 were supposed to be one chapter, but it was too long!

 **InfinityAndOne** , Noel has good intentions and he's probably thinking of nothing but Honey, but he really does need to listen to Honey too! It must have been a horrible shock for him. It's probably a good thing Louise didn't leave him - and that Lily has gone back to Ethan! They're stronger together. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Cal held Lily's hand tightly. His own hand was shaking, but Lily was so quietly, devastatingly calm. Cal didn't know how she did it, but it was just a front, of course. He knew her heart was shattering into pieces.

"I'm here, Lily," whispered Cal, but he knew he was a poor substitute for Ethan. He always had been. Matilda was the only person who had ever loved Cal best.

The doctor walked slowly towards them. "Dr Hardy, is your husband here?"

"He's gone down to the ED," said Cal. "Their son was brought in as a patient."

"He has suspected meningitis," said Lily.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. But I have some good news for you: your pregnancy is still viable, Lily. Your baby is very weak and we'll need to keep you in – I can't say how long, though if your son becomes a patient here, I'm sure we can let you visit him. We need to keep monitoring the baby to give him or her every chance. But your baby is alive, Lily. Still fighting."

* * *

In any other circumstances, Rita told herself, she would not have picked it up. Unless it was on the floor or something. But phones and bathrooms still didn't make a great combination. Those phones you could use in the shower were out of financial reach for the combined incomes of a nurse and a paramedic. Especially when their son changed his phone more regularly than his underwear (not literally) because he had to have all the latest gadgets.

Therefore, removing the phone from the bathroom was only the correct thing to do.

Sitting down with it and looking through Alfie's messages probably wasn't the correct thing to do, but Iain had a point. They couldn't rule out Alfie yet. The fact Rita and Iain were both certain he would never consider such a thing would not mean very much to the police.

Most of the messages were as harmless as they were illiterate. _Cumin out l8er_? That sort of thing. The numerous unanswered messages from Ariana begging: _Can we talk? xxx_ were more worrying, though irrelevant to Rita at the moment.

Then Rita found some more messages.

 _Charlie ull never guess wot lukes a girl! Think dylan knows? Obv maya dont!_

Rita consoled herself with the thought that this hadn't appeared on the facebook site, but it worried her. She knew Luke had been a girl, of course. She'd known Rihanna. It only became a problem when people saw it as a problem.

She only hoped Alfie didn't.

More messages followed. Most of them for Charlie, who didn't usually bother to answer.

 _U no matilda, shes shacked up with sum doc me mum works with! She likes his bro 2, his wife left him! there rly old 2 like 40s!_

 _Lotties familys well wierd, she cant just take a mate home, she got to give 2 days notis!_

 _Ariana says dylan watches operations for fun, like cuttin ppl open, gross!_

 _Found out 2day lukes bro got ocd, I thort he was just wierd_

Rita put her head in her hands.

It seemed she'd underestimated Alfie's love of gossip. But how much?

* * *

"Taylor's your mum?!" gasped Lottie.

Matilda nodded, then remembered she was talking on the phone. "Yes, she is. I wasn't sure…" She stopped for a moment, terrified she'd heard a creak from upstairs, but all was silent.

"Are you still there?" said Lottie.

"Sorry. I thought I heard something," said Matilda. "I wasn't sure if I should believe Taylor at first. She's not very well so she might not know what she's saying all the time. But Cal said it was true."

"How are you feeling about everything?" asked Lottie sympathetically.

"I don't know," said Matilda. "I do feel so sorry for Taylor. She wasn't loved growing up and I know how that feels. But the things she's done… I'm sure I could never do that. Pretending to love Cal and taking his money… that's awful. But unhappiness can make you do things you shouldn't."

"Unhappiness can be a very powerful emotion," said Lottie. "But it's not always an excuse. Matilda, you need to be careful. You don't know what she's capable of. All you know is what she used to be capable of – and you know she's not well. I don't want to see you get hurt. I wish I could tell you not to do it, but it's your decision and I can see how important this is to you."

Matilda wiped away a tear. "It is important. I want to get to know Taylor and I want to give her a chance, but I don't want to be rejected by another mother and I'm so scared."

* * *

Noel tried to fight down his anger. The police wouldn't really walk out and leave Honey. They couldn't!

"It really is a terrible thing to happen," said Saskia. "I do understand why you called us, Noel, but as you say, it's Honey who's been hurt and it's her decision if or when this is reported." She turned to Honey. "Honey, we can't investigate this without your consent. It's entirely your decision what happens now. We can leave now, as I said – you don't have to tell us anything. We can have a chat about your options and your rights – it can be good to know these things, but that doesn't mean you have to act on them and we don't have to talk about it now. It's completely your choice what happens, Honey."

"Please go." Honey began to cry.

Louise hugged her. Noel stared in disbelief. It was wrong. This couldn't happen. He couldn't get away with this!

"Of course we can go," said Saskia. "If you change your mind later and you want to report it or just have a chat, you can contact the police – you can ask for me personally if you'd like to, or for any female officer. Or you can contact a rape crisis centre or a hospital – you can find details online."

"Have you got leaflets or anything you can give her?" said Noel.

"If Honey asks, we can provide them, but they can be a physical reminder of what happened and the information is available online. Okay, Honey. We'll leave you with your family. I really am so sorry about what happened to you. We're here if and when you need us."

* * *

When they arrived in Resus, Caleb was lying on one of the beds. Ethan rushed towards him, stumbling slightly but refusing to let it bother him. "Caleb, it's Daddy. I'm here and I'm not going to leave you. I love you very much and so does Mummy."

Zoe came forward, her expression sympathetic. "Ethan, I'm glad you're here. I'm so sorry: this is a terrible thing to happen at any time, but it must be particularly difficult now. You know we're here for you and we'll help all we can, with anything."

"Thank you," said Ethan, turning for a moment to meet her eyes. "Thank you, Zoe."

"We're not going to perform a CT scan as there are no indications that it's necessary and it's likely to distress Caleb more, but we do need to take some bloods and perform a lumbar puncture," said Zoe. "I know you're aware of the procedure and the risks, but I'm happy to go through everything if you'd like me to – it always feels different when you're the relative and not the doctor."

"No, it's okay," said Ethan. "Unless there are contraindications, I'm happy to sign the consent form now."

"Okay, are you sure you want to be here for this?" asked Zoe, once the form was signed.

"I think so: yes," said Ethan. He knelt beside his son. "Caleb, can you see me? I'm right here. I know you feel awful, but we're going to help you. You're being so brave and I'm really proud of you."

* * *

Connie walked slowly along the corridors. In many ways, it was exactly the same. It smelled different; the scent of disinfectant was more easily-masked now. But the walls, ceilings and floors were still that bright, startling white. The floors made exactly the same sound beneath her stilettoed feet.

She knew she should be at the centre of the ED now, shouting out instructions as they fought to save another life – and soon, that was exactly what she would do.

But there was something she'd wanted to do for a long time and now, in the middle of the night, was her best chance of doing so unobserved and unchallenged.

Connie was careful to follow the signs, knowing that not everything would still be in the same place, but she knew as she walked that she was following the same route she always had; the route she'd dreamed of following when she'd imagined this scene in her mind.

Yet when she arrived, it was almost a shock because she'd never really believed that the moment would ever be more than a dream.

A white door, like so many other doors in the hospital. A name-plate on the door.

This was the only time Connie had ever reached out a hand and traced the letters of a name on the door. She hadn't even done that with her own name. But this name was different.

 _Grace Beauchamp, Psychotherapist_

Connie found she was close to tears – because, despite all the tantrums and arguments and unhappiness, Grace was still Grace Beauchamp and not Grace Strachan, and that gave Connie more help than she had felt for a long time.

* * *

Dylan reminded herself this was what she wanted to do. To be a doctor. To be as ready for the failures as she was for the successes because no doctor could succeed every time.

But she was afraid. So afraid.

"Your mum's suffered a complication," said Dylan. "I can't say how serious it is, but she awoke in severe pain and cried out for assistance. Someone came along and checked her chart. As it showed she was due another lot of morphine, this person administered pain relief, but they gave her too much. When she started to show the symptoms of overdose, a doctor was called. She's being treated now. They are doing everything they can."

Luke's hand gripped hers painfully tightly. "Will she be okay?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that," said Dylan. "We're waiting for an update. I hope we'll hear something too. But that's not all, Luke." She looked at Dylan K, seeing sympathy and concern in his eyes. She didn't think many people would have seen it, but she knew. "I was the one who gave her the medication, Luke. I'm so sorry."


	91. Chapter 91

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I did think about Lily losing the baby, but at the moment, I can't bear to give the poor Hardys another reason to suffer! Rita could be heading for trouble, but at least Iain has seen the signs.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for all your reviews. I hope my explanation for what happened with Hazel will be convincing. I also hope I won't have to punish Dylan too harshly as I'm sure she'll be punishing herself. I'm still sad about Rita's exit - at least everyone understands and loves her in this story! It must be horrible choosing between your wife and child - there was really only one choice as you said, but it must have hurt Ethan so much to walk away from Lily and his unborn child. I thought 'Grace's mum' would really sting for Connie, even if it did make her proud. I think if Lily wasn't going through such heartache, Cal would have had a lot more to say to her. Taylor has a criminal record and she's still telling variations on the truth, so I can't blame you for being uneasy. I'm really glad you like Connie going to Grace's office - she does love Grace so much and I thought seeing Grace's name would mean even more after she nearly lost her and probably wondered if she could ever be independent.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , I'm glad you like the addition of Connie and Elle to this story. I always planned to bring Connie back, but I didn't know about Elle when I started writing this. I love supportive Zoe - she's the only doctor who is comfortable with showing so much warmth and support. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it must be so weird for Matilda, meeting Taylor. I'm still not sure how it's going to work out for them. It's a big shock for Rita and she can't tell Iain without admitting what she did! Lily must be relieved, but she still has so much to worry about. I think Louise being a nurse really helps Honey. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Dylan could be in a lot of trouble. I'm not sure what the punishment will be and I hope I can find out! It will depend on what happens to Hazel. It is so sad thinking how many times Matilda's been rejected already - even Cal rejected her once. Connie isn't the perfect mum, but she really does love her. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Luke is usually really understanding, but "I gave your mum an overdose" might be a step too far even for him. I've really loved the emotional Connie and Grace scenes since the start of the new series, so I had to put some emotion in, even though they're not talking! I'm trying to think of a way of bringing Cal and Tilly together in a way that won't jeopardise their future as a family.

* * *

Luke stared at Dylan in disbelief. "You gave my mum the pain relief?"

Dylan nodded, forcing herself to meet his gaze. She deserved his anger and she was going to face it.

"But you're just a kid!" said Luke. "And this is my… no, I'm not hearing this. This isn't true. You wouldn't be that stupid."

"I was that stupid," said Dylan. "I am truly sorry, Luke."

Luke stood up and moved away from the bed. "Do you seriously think that makes it any better? I mean, maybe my mum will be okay. You say it's likely she will be – if I can trust your word on anything. But that's not going to change the pain and suffering she went through because of you!"

Dylan knew he was right.

"What were you _thinking_?" said Luke.

"That I could help her."

"You really are an arrogant little… and I always thought you were so clever," said Luke. He turned to his brother. "I'm going, Dylan. I can't deal with this."

"Luke, I understand why you're upset," said Dylan K.

"No, I don't think you do." Luke turned and walked quickly away.

Dylan looked at Dylan K. "Go after him, please."

"Will you be okay?"

"I don't know, but I won't be leaving this bed," said Dylan. "We don't know where Luke's going. He's upset, vulnerable and it's the middle of the night. I appreciate your support so much, Dylan, but I really think he needs and deserves your support more."

* * *

Elle pulled Lily's overflowing in-tray towards her and wondered how long it had been since anyone had looked through this. It was probably Dylan K''s job if anything with Lily, Ethan and Cal all not working, but Elle knew Dylan K would have done everything he could to avoid taking any kind of clinical lead role – and that included the admin.

Elle knew that many clinical leads had an online in-tray now. She'd been relieved to discover Lily was old-fashioned. When you had physical pieces of paper in your hands, it was much easier to write notes and to put everything into order of priority. The online system of writing notes was quite complicated and it was far too easy to make a mistake. It was also much quicker to flip through the real pieces of paper to find what you wanted – particularly as they were on different-sized and different-coloured paper with different typefaces – than it was to use the online flip option.

There were still emails to deal with, however, and Elle had been horrified to see that Lily had over a thousand unread. Many she'd been able to delete as they were either irrelevant or relating to something that was in the past. There were also at least twenty from the hospital CEO, demanding to know what was going on.

Elle sent a quick reply, explaining who she was and the situation as she saw it, and promising a more detailed account tomorrow. Then she grabbed a piece of scrap paper, wrote a note to remind herself that she needed to make the promised update, and put it into the in-tray with everything else.

She worked busily, reading through emails, letters, complaints forms. She'd already worked out the shift pattern for the next few days. With the arrival of Zoe, Connie, Elle and Jacob, most of the pressure had been taken off the team, but she'd requested an F2 locum to replace Ella.

Elle's head was already aching. She rested it in her hands for a moment and wondered if all this paperwork was really what she wanted to do, but the answer to that was simple.

If Elle didn't do the paperwork, she would have to get out onto the shop floor and she didn't want to do that.

She didn't want that at all.

* * *

Jack smiled and raised his hand so Tamzin could give him a high-five. "You did it!"

"I did it," said Tamzin, still unable to believe it. For a long time, she'd told herself it was something she would do one day, but as the years had passed, it had become easier to avoid it; easier to tell herself she had no reason to visit Holby ED and that everyone who knew her was probably long gone.

"So what now?" asked Jack eagerly. "What amazing thing are you going to do next?"

Tamzin was touched by his enthusiasm. She hadn't even met him before and he really seemed happy for her. "Well…" She glanced at the other paramedic and lowered her voice. "Maybe I could say yes the next time Norman asks me on a date."

Jack stared at her. "You mean you haven't been on a date since Jeff died? You must be gagging for it!"

Tamzin laughed. "I don't think it's quite that bad. I have friends and I love my job and there have been dates. Just no-one special. But maybe it is time to get back out there. Take the risk of loving someone again."

"More than time!" said Jack. "You're lucky you're still gorgeous."

"I'll take that as a compliment," said Tamzin. "Thanks for everything you've done, Jack. Jamie's a lucky man."

Jack got out his phone and offered it to her. "Give me your number and then you can come round and see Jamie. And you can meet little Jeffrey, who would absolutely kill me if he heard me calling him little."

Tamzin smiled and took the phone. "Yeah… I'd like that."

* * *

Alicia was waiting for Cal outside Lily's room. She threw her arms around him when he told her the good news. "That's brilliant, Cal! I know nothing is definite yet, but I'm so happy there's still a chance."

"Would you be able to go down to Resus and tell Ethan for me?" said Cal. "He must be in such a state."

"Of course I can," said Alicia at once. "Poor Lily and Ethan. Why does everything seem to be happening at once?"

"And not just to Lily and Ethan," said Cal. "I saw my daughter Matilda today. She was adopted by a family who were abusing her – it's been going on all her life, but nobody's done anything about it - but she's now being fostered by Dixie – do you remember Dixie? – only tonight, she met her real mum. Alicia? Are you okay?"

Alicia had gone very still. "Matilda was abused?"

Cal nodded. "Terrible, isn't it?"

"What's Matilda's last name?" said Alicia urgently.

"Well, she thinks of herself as Matilda Knight now," said Cal with a smile. "But officially, her name's Matilda Meadowes."

Alicia started to cry.

* * *

Louise could hear him pacing.

He'd said he'd go to bed as soon as Honey was asleep, but Louise had heard Honey had asked him to leave. She could understand why, but it had to hurt.

Louise got out of bed and opened the door. She held out her hand. "Come on. Let's have a chat."

Noel followed her into the bedroom. "She's my daughter, Louise. How could I have let them leave?"

"Because it was what Honey wanted," said Louise.

"And why did I let her go out tonight?" Noel almost moaned the words. "I _knew_ she was upset. I _knew_ she was vulnerable."

"Noel, Honey is forty… I mean thirty years old," said Louise. If Noel and Honey wanted to believe that, where was the harm in it, really? "I know she's your baby. She always will be. But she's an adult and she can make her own decisions and all we can do is let her do that – and be here for her."

Noel sighed. "I tried to be here for her. I called the police for her. But she wouldn't talk to them!"

Louise put her arm around him. "Noel, being there for someone isn't about doing things. The most important thing you can do is listen. Listen and respect their wishes. You won't always agree with them and you know I still get into trouble at work sometimes when I say what I think instead of biting my tongue."

Noel managed a small smile.

"But what Honey wants, more than anything, is to feel in control," said Louise. "She lost control when it happened to her. Now, she wants to take control of her life back. But she can't do that if we ignore what she says. Honey knows better than we do what she needs – so when she tells us, we have to listen."

* * *

Grace wished she could fall asleep.

She'd taken her sleeping tablets, which she tried not to do if she could help it, but they didn't seem to work when her heart was broken.

She'd taken her maximum dose of painkillers too, but her head was still pounding.

Why was it still so hard?

Sometimes it seemed like a battle every day. People came to see her with questions she could never answer. _Why do the people we love always hurt us? Why do we hurt them? Why can't life be fair?_

Connor had effectively ended their relationship today, but Grace had backed him into a corner and forced him to make a choice. She loved him so much and she'd known she was losing him. She'd needed him to affirm his commitment and his love. But he hadn't done it.

She would talk to Evie tomorrow. Evie was a good listener – or she was now she'd realised Grace's rants about 'that stupid cow Ella' were about Dr Ashford rather than Evie's sister Ella, the hospital's barista.

Evie probably would advise her to take some time off. She always did. But Grace would ignore her.

She wasn't going to take any time off. The accident had been fourteen years ago. Grace wasn't going to let it beat her now.

* * *

Zoe's eyes were blurring with tears. She'd forgotten what it could be like sometimes. She turned away to wipe her eyes.

She felt Connie's hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'll… I'll go and tell Ethan," whispered Zoe.

"I can do that for you," said Connie.

Zoe sniffed. "No, it should be me."

"Would you like me to come with you?" offered Connie, clearly concerned.

Zoe shook her head. "Thanks, but I can do this. Please stay with… with Caleb."


	92. Chapter 92

_I'm not sure if I'm going to include Robyn and Glen's baby in this story or not - I do like the idea of Robyn having Glen's baby, but I have no idea how that storyline is going to pan out and if I do include the baby, I'd also need to explain his or her absence from the story so far. I'm sorry this update is late. I'm ill so I haven't updated anything for a few days._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Zoe really should have got someone who didn't know Ethan and Caleb to look after Caleb and deliver the news, but if I was Ethan, I'd want Zoe and Connie because I trust them!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I hadn't thought of that, but you're right - it's better for Luke to walk away than to lash out. Elle is a brilliant clinical lead - she really showed that in the last episode. She's kind of halfway between Zoe and Connie. You'll find out about Alicia and Caleb in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you felt Luke reacted in the most realistic way. don't think Taylor will back off quite yet, but at least she's stuck in a hospital bed for now! Though this is Casualty and patients are always wandering off... Yes, this is the start of Elle's storyline. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I think giving Hazel the pain relief was definitely an impulsive moment for Dylan - if she'd thought about it, she'd probably have realised it was a bad idea. I'm not sure if Noel believes Honey is thirty or if he pretends to for her sake! It sounds arrogant, but yes, I do have some brilliant characters!

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I love a bit of drama too so I'm pleased you think I created some! I'm glad you liked Tamzin and Jack. If things had been different, she'd have been Jamie's aunt, so it was nice to bring her and Jack together. I wanted to make Louise sound like a good nurse but still like Louise, so I'm happy that worked! I love what you said about Grace - it was an accident, but I agree with you and I'll try to use it in future scenes. I'm a bit scared of what you'll do to me if I kill Caleb!

 **InfinityAndOne** , it has been a long time coming for Tamzin! Probably unrealistically long, but I couldn't have included it if she'd resolved it any earlier! Alicia's next scene is in this chapter, so you'l find out what's wrong with her. I'm sorry the ending scared you... well, kind of! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan hated himself so much.

To be fair, he'd only left Caleb when a couple of nurses had dragged him out of Resus, but he hated himself for panicking in the first place.

He looked up in terror as Zoe entered the room. Ethan knew he deserved bad news for deserting his son – but Lily didn't deserve this. Caleb didn't deserve this.

 _The world can't be this cruel_ , he thought as he broke down in tears again. _Not to Lily and Caleb._

"Ethan!" said Zoe in concern. She gave him a hug. "It's all right. Caleb's very poorly, but he's stable. He has an abscess on his tooth, which obviously wasn't picked up before as he can't visit the dentist. We've got him on antibiotics, we've catheterised him and we're giving fluids to keep him hydrated. His oxygen levels are fine at the moment, but we're obviously monitoring that. We can't remove the abscess ourselves, but we're going to refer him to max fax. Can you come with me now and see him?"

"He wouldn't want to see me," wept Ethan. "I let him down. I let Lily down."

"Ethan, you didn't," said Zoe." Not many parents could stand there and watch their child go through that – and we only asked you to leave because we were seriously concerned about _your_ health. You were wonderful with Caleb, even when you could hardly breathe."

"I remember when this happened to Matilda," sobbed Ethan. "I gave Cal such a hard time about it. I didn't know how it felt! How could I have expected him to think as the doctor when he was the dad?"

Zoe spoke soothingly. "Ethan, you've been through so much lately and I can't imagine how difficult it must be. You've been so brave and coped brilliantly and you have nothing to feel guilty for. You're a wonderful dad. But Caleb really needs you to keep being strong for him for a little bit longer. Do you think you can stop crying and come with me?"

* * *

Lofty wasn't sure what time it was. He'd awoken some time ago and found it impossible to get back to sleep. He'd stayed in bed, anxious not to disturb Robyn, but lying in bed with nothing to do but worry – about Robyn, the baby, Ava, Louis – was beginning to get to him.

He reached for his phone, shielding the brightness of the screen as he read again the text he'd received from Dylan K.

 _I'm in London with Luke and Dylan, visiting Hazel. I hope your head's better._

No matter how many times he read it, it made Lofty smile. Lofty knew Dylan K cared about him, but it wasn't something he didn't show very often. So it meant a lot to Lofty when he did.

"Lofty?" Robyn murmured sleepily.

Lofty turned to her, filled with remorse. "Did I wake you, sweetheart? I'm sorry."

"No: my bladder woke me!" groaned Robyn. "Are you okay?"

Lofty smiled. "I got a text from Dylan."

"Ooh, really? Let me see!"

"Why don't you go to the loo first?" suggested Lofty.

"Oh, yeah. That's probably a good idea," said Robyn with a small giggle.

* * *

"Matilda? Matilda?"

Matilda didn't even know who was calling her. Everyone was chasing her. Her adoptive parents, Taylor, Ethan, Dixie, even Cal. Maybe some of them were trying to help her, but maybe everyone had worked out that she was bad.

She felt hands gripping her shoulder, shaking her. She froze in terror and screamed for Cal, but then the dream faded and she was in her bedroom in Dixie's house.

"Matilda, it's okay," said Dixie. "It's just a nightmare."

Matilda began to cry. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's not your fault if you have a nightmare, lovely!" said Dixie. She rubbed Matilda's shoulder. "We all have them sometimes and you've had a very eventful time of it lately."

"I'm so sorry I woke you up," sobbed Matilda.

"I'm glad you woke me up," said Dixie. "How else would I have known you needed me? That's what we're here for, Matilda. To look after you."

* * *

Jacob looked through the doors of Resus, but she wasn't there. She wasn't in cubicles either. Finally, with a heavy heart, he made his way to Connie's – no, Lily's office. Or Elle's office, as perhaps he should call it now.

Elle was deep in paperwork. "You wouldn't believe how much they've got behind on their admin – though it's understandable really - but I've managed to get through quite a lot. How's it looking out there?"

"Out there? Not too bad," said Jacob. He sat down opposite Elle. "In here… I'm not so sure."

Elle laughed unconvincingly, her gaze on the papers in front of her. "If you think it's bad now, you should have seen it when I first got here."

Jacob caught her hand. "Elle. I know it must be tough, coming back here. And that's okay. We all struggle sometimes."

Elle tried to pull her hand away from his. "It's not that. It's in the past, Jacob. I'm fine."

"Then why are you hiding in here instead of doing your job out there?"

* * *

Alicia wanted to run. She wanted to run far away where no-one would ever find her.

"Alicia?" Cal put his arm around her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," sobbed Alicia.

"It doesn't look like nothing," said Cal. "It's been a really tough evening. Seeing Lily like that and then supporting Ethan as well."

His kindness made Alicia cry harder. "It's not that. I mean, it's not just that."

"What is it then?" asked Cal.

Alicia knew she didn't have to tell him. She could lie.

But what would happen when Lily introduced her to Matilda?

Alicia spoke without meeting his eyes. "I've met Matilda. She came to St James' just over a year ago."

Cal looked terrified. "Oh God, was she okay?"

"She came with her friend," sniffed Alicia. "Her friend had hurt herself. Self-harm."

Cal nodded. "Ariana Walker. Zoe and Max's daughter."

"Probably. She said her name was Lottie, but Matilda called her Ariana." Alicia's tears continued to fall. "I decided to let the name thing go, but I talked to Ariana about what support was available. Then Matilda asked to speak to me. She said…" Alicia sobbed some more. "She said her parents were abusing her and she needed help. I asked her name and for details of the abuse. And I… I didn't believe her! I told her no parent would say that to their child and I told her to stop making up silly lies and try supporting her friend instead of seeking attention for herself!"

* * *

David was already pouring hot water into a second mug when Amira came into the room.

"You read my mind!" said Amira. "Again!" She kissed him, then took one of the mugs of coffee and gulped down a mouthful. "Are you going to tell me about it?"

David nodded and they carried their drinks into the living room. He knew it would take him a while to get started, but he knew Amira would wait.

Or perhaps not _wait_ exactly. She would probably keep talking; keep encouraging him because Amira found keeping quiet about as easy as David found speaking, but when he was ready to talk, she would listen.

"I told you about Dr Hardy's baby," said David slowly. "I think perhaps Ethan's Huntington's symptoms are starting. Cal thinks he's found his daughter. Her mother is also in the ED. Dylan is concerned about his brother, mother-in-law and protégée. Ella's father is in ICU after a possible suicide attempt. Rita came into work unexpectedly and started looking at patient files. Louise wants to leave Noel. Robyn has struck up a friendship with Louis Fairhead."

"And you?" said Amira.

"I can feel my mood dipping," said David. "Just when my friends need me to be strong."

* * *

Dylan offered a small smile to the blonde woman who entered. From her stethoscope and smart appearance, Dylan guessed she was a senior doctor.

"Dylan, hi. I'm Dr Nicholls: I'm deputy clinical lead here. I've been looking after Hazel."

"Hi," said Dylan, her voice barely working. She cleared her throat. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done it. It was very stupid and completely wrong of me. I… is Hazel…"

Dr Nicholls sat on the chair beside her. "Hazel is going to be fine, Dylan, and the overdose wasn't your fault."

Dylan looked at her in confusion. "How is it not my fault?"

"About half an hour before you went to Hazel, a nurse came to see her. She saw Hazel was in pain and gave her some pain relief. However, when she went to write it on the chart, she realised she was an hour early. She didn't want to admit to the mistake, so she left the room, intending to return and write the amount on the chart an hour later."

"But that's-" Dylan stopped. "It's not as bad as what I did. I'm in no position to judge. I'm sorry, Dr Nicholls. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You shouldn't have given her the morphine, Dylan," said Dr Nicholls. "I know that and you know that – but it was only possible because of a series of errors. And to be honest, almost any member of staff would have done what you did. I'd have asked Hazel if she'd had the dose already, but a lot of people would just have checked the chart."

"I'm not trying to make an excuse or to blame Hazel," said Dylan, "but I did ask her if she was due for more morphine and she said yes."

Dr Nicholls nodded. "I did wonder. We give Hazel a standard dose to begin with, then add a top-up half an hour to an hour later if needed. I imagine Hazel meant she was due for a top-up, but you couldn't have known that. The only problem as far as you're concerned is that you shouldn't have done it." She looked at Dylan, curiosity coming into her eyes. "Have you administered morphine before?"

"Never," admitted Dylan.

"Then it was a very impressive first attempt," said Dr Nicholls – stating a fact rather than paying a compliment. "You administered the drug successfully without causing damage to the cannula or the patient. Although we can't be completely sure, it does look as though you gave the correct amount. But when you do something like this, Dylan, no matter how competently you do it, you not only put the patient at risk - you put yourself at risk. Your future. And it looks to me that your future is very-"

She stopped as the door was opened. Dylan K had entered the room. Dr Nicholls turned to see who it was.

They stared at one another.

"Dylan?" said Dr Nicholls.

"Sam," he replied.


	93. Chapter 93

_Don't you just hate it when you're editing a document on here and you haven't saved for a while and something weird happens to the computer and you lose all your changes? My fault for not saving more often but it's still annoying!_

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Sam's appearance is just a coincidence - she just happens to be working in the London hospital where Dylan and Hazel were patients. Nightmares really are horrible. Matilda probably has a lot of them - I think Cal comforted her after a nightmare in an earlier chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you - I feel much better now. Ethan usually has managed to stay in control when someone has needed his comfort, but he has been through so much, as you said. I love Ethan to bits and therefore I heap misery on him. Cal has been through a lot too so he might easily lash out at Alicia. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , there is a lot to get your teeth into - they're all so edible! Dixie is probably used to foster children who want to be somewhere else and she's too sensible to take it personally, luckily. I'm sure lots of doctors have made the same mistake as Alicia - she doesn't know Matilda and sadly, this is something kids lie about. She did her best with the information she had and got it wrong. I thought it was time for some more Dyfty friendship! I'm glad you liked the cliffhanger. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I only know Sam and Tom from what's available youtube and I'm not confident about writing Tom, so I need to watch more episodes, but I would like to include him. There is quite a long Elle section in this chapter. Between Taylor's deviousness and her illness, she could do pretty much anything!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I really need to watch some old episodes with Sam and Dylan as I've never seen them together - I actually don't know why I haven't done that already! I think Alicia was much nicer when she was first in Casualty and much more Ethan's type too. But I do think she made an honest mistake with Matilda as it can be very hard to judge. None of this is Ethan's fault at all, but he can't see that, poor man.

 **x snow-pony x** , I only started watching Sam recently, but as soon as I saw her, I wanted to bring her face to face with Dylan. I need to do more research though as I'm not that confident writing her yet. Yes, I really am making everyone suffer! But I hope to solve as many problems as possible by the end. Thank you for your review.

* * *

 _These two know each other,_ thought Dylan as she looked at Dylan and Sam. _I would say intimately_

"Sam and I... used to work together," Dylan K told Dylan awkwardly.

"Yes. I used to work at Holby ED," said Sam.

"Dylan's going to work there one day," said Dylan K.

"There's certainly no doubting her potential," said Sam.

Dylan checked Sam's left hand again, but she hadn't been mistaken. _She's married… and I don't think it's to Dylan._

"Um… how's Tom?" asked Dylan K.

 _He's the husband_ , thought Dylan instantly.

"He's good," said Sam. "He's the clinical lead here. I'm deputy clinical lead. You?"

"I've tried to stay as far away from any kind of clinical lead responsibility as I can," said Dylan K.

 _He's tried it,_ thought Dylan. _It didn't work out._

"So… how do you two know each other?" asked Sam awkwardly.

"I helped with Dylan's birth and she was named after me," said Dylan K. "She's also my brother's girlfriend."

 _Oh, I hope I still am…_ Dylan's gaze strayed towards the door, but she saw no-one. _Please be okay, Luke. Or as okay as you can be after what I did._

Sam stared at Dylan K. "I didn't know you had a brother."

"Half-brother. Much younger. His mother is a patient here. Hazel Leyton."

"Is he here?"

Dylan K nodded towards the door. "He's skulking out there, refusing to talk."

 _Oh, I'm so glad he's safe!_ thought Dylan.

She was also glad Hazel was okay, but there was one more thing she needed to know – and this was one thing she couldn't guess.

She needed to know how much trouble she was in.

* * *

Cal stared at Alicia in mounting disbelief. He couldn't speak, but the things he was thinking now should not be said out loud.

He'd known that Matilda had asked for help and not been believed, but he'd never have imagined it was someone he knew. Someone he'd considered a friend.

Someone he'd _slept_ with, though Cal had always liked to think that applied to pretty much every woman in Holby.

"I'm sorry," whispered Alicia. "I honestly thought she was doing it for attention. It didn't seem believable that parents could be that cruel."

"You _know_ it happens," said Cal, his voice dangerously quiet. "You've done the training. You should have spotted it."

Alicia sniffed. "I just thought she seemed a bit… odd."

"My daughter is not odd!" Cal found that not only was he shouting, he was on his feet. He tried to moderate his tones. "She's shy. She's anxious. She's traumatised. She's been told she's horrible her whole life and the doctor she trusted to help her did _nothing_. Because of _you_ , Alicia, she'd given up believing that anyone would ever like her or want to help her."

"But if I'd believed her," said Alicia desperately, "she might have been adopted by a family a long way away and you might never have found her again."

The thought hurt Cal, but he didn't waver. "And potentially saved my daughter a whole year of abuse! I think that's a bit more important than Matilda meeting me, don't you?"

* * *

Lofty cradled the phone between his shoulder and ear and lifted Ava, who was clamouring for his attention, onto his lap. "Jamie, I don't suppose you could come and help Robyn watch the kids today? It's getting a bit much for her."

"Um… you haven't heard then," said Jamie.

Lofty moved further away from Robyn, not wanting to worry her. "What's happened?" he asked, concerned.

Jamie sounded worried too. "I'm at the Hardys'. Lily was rushed to hospital with a suspected miscarriage – she and the baby are okay for now, but they're being kept in. Then Caleb developed symptoms of meningitis – it turned out to be sepsis caused by an infected tooth. Ethan thinks his Huntington's symptoms have started too."

Lofty hugged Ava closer to him. No family should suffer that much. Ever. "And Cal? Is he okay?"

"Cal's met Matilda – you know, the baby he gave up for adoption?" said Jamie. "She's with Dixie for now and Cal wants to adopt her, but because she was living with him, the police have got involved. Jack's coming over too: these kids really need both of us."

"Of course they do," said Lofty. "Don't worry about the babysitting. I'll sort something out. Look, I have to work today, Jamie, but if there's anything I can do, just let me know, okay?"

* * *

Connor knew it was too early. Much too early for his shift. Also much too early to be visiting Ella.

But he knew she wouldn't be sleeping.

He was right. Ella was sitting by Ash's bed, holding his hand.

"Hey, Ella," said Connor softly, hoping he wouldn't startle her.

"Connor!" Ella turned to face him. "You'll never guess what!"

Connor's gaze passed briefly over the unconscious Ash before returning to Ella.

"He's waking up!" said Ella, tears trembling in her eyes. "He squeezed my hand and he tried to say my name!"

"Have you notified a doctor?" asked Connor, trying to keep the doubt out of his voice.

"I am a doctor!" said Ella. "And everything's improving! Pulse, BP, temperature, resps, sats…"

Connor glanced at the monitor. He could see no improvement. "Ella, listen to me."

"I don't need no doctor to tell me that!" said Ella. "He's waking up, Connor!"

* * *

Zoe stroked Ethan's arm. "It's okay, Ethan. I know it's been a horrible day and you've had no sleep and everything seems to be going wrong, but Caleb needs you and I know you can do this."

Ethan wiped his eyes. "I don't even know if I can blow my nose."

"Of course you can," said Zoe. "No need to be embarrassed."

"No, I mean I fell over and my nose bled," said Ethan faintly. "I don't know how long ago."

"Okay, was it daylight?" said Zoe, trying not to think about the implications of Ethan's fall. "Was it before you heard about Lily?"

Ethan thought. "Quite a long time before."

"I think you'll be okay," said Zoe.

Ethan turned away from her to blow his nose, then he waited a moment before dabbing his nose lightly. "I don't think it's bleeding."

"That's good," said Zoe, realising she was talking to Ethan rather as she'd done to Caleb. "Are you ready now? I know it's not easy. Even I got a bit emotional. But I know you can cope with this, Ethan. And I'll be right there."

Ethan nodded and stood up. His steps were hesitant. Zoe put her arm around him.

Caleb was lying still, listening as Connie spoke to him gently. She looked up as Ethan entered. "Here's your daddy, Caleb!"

Zoe ushered Ethan forward. His hands were shaking, but there were many possible reasons for that.

Ethan walked to Caleb's side. "Hey, Caleb. I'm sorry I was so long. But I'm here now and I'm not going to leave you. I love you so much and you've been so brave and in a little while, I'm going to text Uncle Cal so he can tell Mummy." He stroked Caleb's hand. "I'm so proud of you, Caleb. And it looks like you've got Mrs Masters eating out of your hand." He laughed shakily. "Not even Uncle Cal could manage that!"

* * *

It wasn't often that Jez was the first one here. He leaned back against the cushions and sent off a text. _Guess whos first in 2 work 2day!_

His cousin responded almost immediately. _Well done! Unless they got here ages ago and they've gone out on a call without you._

Jez laughed. _I think id of got a moany text off iain if they had! But I reckon id be late EVERY day if i was married 2 rita or jess!_

 _You are late every day Jez. I hope Iain and Dixie are okay._

 _Idk. Dixie got a new daughter whos actually cals daughter so idk wot happened there! dixie must of been v drunk that night! iain says ritas not well so obv there goin 2 play doctors & nurses!_

 _Poor Rita! Maybe she's going to have another baby._

Jez had to laugh. _At her age? I no she looks good but she must be 45 If shes a day. Probs older. Between u n me tho ritas a bit crazy. She gets ideas in her head gtg sry_

Rocker had walked into the room. "Don't mind me. It's not like I've never texted a pretty girl before my shift starts."

Jez threw his phone onto the sofa. "It was only my cousin. We weren't talking about anything really."

* * *

Jacob was wrong. Elle wasn't hiding. She'd simply stayed in the office because there was a lot of work to do.

She walked up to a nurse. "Dr Elle Gardner, consultant locum. Can I help at all?"

The nurse handed her a file without asking for any kind of ID. "Abdominal pains in Cubicle 1."

"Thank you-" Elle checked the name tag. _Evie Fletcher_. "Nurse Fletcher."

"I'm his daughter," said Evie. "Before you ask."

Elle frowned.

"Senior Charge Nurse Fletcher, who used to work upstairs?" said Evie. "He's my dad."

"Right…" Elle vaguely remembered him.

"I'm just saying because everyone's asking me," said Evie. "And I know you used to work here. I remember your hair. So I thought you must know my dad."

Elle smiled. "I remember him well. He must be very proud." She lifted the file. "Better get on!" She walked towards the cubicle and pushed aside the curtain, telling herself she wasn't disconcerted to discover Jacob there. "Hi, I'm Dr Gardner. I'm a locum, but I used to work here, so I'm sure I haven't quite forgotten where everything is."

Jacob smiled and gave her a discreet thumbs-up. Elle told herself she had no idea why.

The girl stared at Elle. "My tummy hurts."

"Yes. So I was told." Elle realised she had no idea of the patient's name. She quickly glanced at the file. "Miss Beaumont." She quickly ran through the girl's symptoms. "Is there any possibility you might be pregnant?"

The girl stared. "I'm fourteen."

Elle looked at her in surprise. She did look like a kid, but anyone under thirty looked like a kid to Elle nowadays. She looked at the front of the file again, this time taking note of the girl's first name. "You know, this is completely confidential, Amelia. If there is a chance you could be pregnant…"

Angry spots of colour appeared in Amelia's cheeks. "Do I look like a slapper?"

"No, of course not… I didn't mean…" Elle could feel her chest tightening, but she knew she mustn't give in to the panic. "Do you mind if I have a feel?"

Amelia edged away from her. "It depends what you mean by 'a feel', doesn't it?"

Jacob spoke placatingly. "Dr Gardner just wants to feel your tummy, Amelia. To find out where it hurts."

Amelia grudgingly consented. Elle couldn't feel anything untoward, but she took note of Amelia's moans of pain. She turned to Jacob. "Okay, FBCs, U&Es, LFT…"

And then her mind went blank. Completely blank.


	94. Chapter 94

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I haven't seen much of Evie (and only on Holby City), but she seems quite self-sufficient, so when I was looking at family trees to find another child to be a nurse, she seemed like a good choice. If only Matilda and Ariana had gone to Holby instead of St James' and seen Cal instead of Alicia! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think a lot of people would react to Alicia as Cal did. She could have done something, but she didn't even look into it. I'm not sure Dylan and Sam will work together, but they will have various discussions. I haven't forgotten my planned story where Rita has a little girl. I hope that will happen.

 **Tanith Panic** , I really like Elle too - I'm glad she's more accepted now. Alicia had a very difficult decision to make - one which Cal might have got wrong in the past - but Cal's reacting as a parent whose child has been hurt. I can imagine Robyn and Lofty wanting lots of kids! I'm glad you liked Zoe and Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I don't know Sam that well, so I hope I can do her justice. The scene where she and Dylan said goodbye was so sad. Once I'd decided to bring Sam into the story, Tom had to follow! There's a little bit more about Elle in this chapter.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm happy you think Dylan is charming! I do worry that she's getting annoying because she does seem to know everything! Something is definitely wrong with Elle. You'll find out eventually! Ethan does need something to go well - he's barely hanging on. But maybe I'll kick him while he's down? Thank you for your review.

* * *

Jacob had seen it coming.

He'd hoped he was wrong. He'd been surprised and proud when Elle had entered the cubicle, but although she'd started well, the slight belligerence of the patient, as well as her overestimation of the patient's age, had thrown her.

When she'd started to tell him about the blood tests that were needed, Jacob seen the uncertainty in her eyes and heard the slight slowing of her voice. The patient wouldn't have noticed, but it was screamingly obvious to Jacob.

And then she'd frozen.

All Jacob could do was try to bring her back. "And a group and save, right, doc?"

"Yes," said Elle, though her eyes were blank and Jacob didn't think she knew what he'd just said. "That's right, Jacob."

Jacob winked at Amelia. "She can't catch me out. I might be just a nurse, but I know what I'm doing."

Amelia gave him a distasteful look. "I hope you do if you're going to be messing around with my blood."

"Okay. I'll go and get that sorted," said Jacob. He started to walk past Elle, then stopped. "Oh, Dr Gardner. Can I have a quick word about the guy in Cubicle 2?"

He took her elbow and to his relief, she went with him. Jacob closed the curtains and put his hands on Elle's shoulders.

Elle looked through him.

"It's okay," said Jacob softly. "You're all right, Pancake. You're with me."

Slowly, Elle's eyes seemed to focus. She looked at Jacob, her eyes slowly widening. "It happened again, didn't it?"

Jacob nodded.

* * *

When Zoe saw Max walking towards her, there didn't seem to be anything unusual about it. How many times had their eyes met across the crowded reception? How many times had his face lit up at the sight of her? How many times had they walked into each other's arms?

And then she remembered. She was no longer a permanent fixture at the ED but a locum and Max was no longer a porter.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously. "Is it Ariana?"

"Yes, but not in the way you're thinking," said Max.

Zoe looked around anxiously. "Where is she?"

"I dropped her at school. I know it's early, but Lottie was there. It's just…" Max caught her elbow. "Let's go to your… I suppose you haven't got an office now, have you?"

"We'll find one," said Zoe, dragging him down a corridor and finding an empty room. "What's happened?" She was exhausted and she didn't think she could cope with one more thing going wrong – but she had to.

"Have you used Ariana's computer recently? Like to log into the hospital site?"

"No," said Zoe, confused. "My login would have been deleted as soon as I left the hospital."

"Zoe, I know this is the last thing you need," said Max. "But Ariana's been trying to access the hospital records using your login."

Zoe's brain was tired, but it made the leap. "You think maybe Ariana's the one who's been… no. It couldn't be. Besides, my login wouldn't work."

"No, and there are no signs she's used another one," said Max. "But the thing is, Zoe, you can get in without a login. I did it myself last night – and I think Ariana could too."

"She wouldn't do that to her friends," said Zoe. "If someone upsets Ariana, she turns on _herself_. Not other people."

"I agree," said Max. "I don't think she did this. But what's it going to do to her if someone thinks she did?"

* * *

Lily looked down at her stomach. Her hands ghosted over it lightly, but she didn't dare apply any more pressure.

She'd come so close. So horribly close.

She hadn't wanted this baby. She'd never wanted to become pregnant in this way. She didn't want any child to suffer as Ethan would suffer – and if they did conceive a child who had the gene, she wasn't sure Ethan could live with the guilt.

But the baby was growing inside her and she wanted and loved it. She would do anything to keep it safe. She would even take immediate maternity leave if that was what was required – and Lily hated maternity leave. Even just lying here, Lily couldn't feel completely useless because she was doing the best she could for her unborn child.

But there was nothing she could do for Caleb. Nothing but lie here helplessly and wish for him to be saved.

Lily jumped as the door burst open. "Please knock before… Cal? Do you have news about Caleb? Please tell me!"

Cal took her shaking hands in his. "Caleb's going to be okay. He has an infected tooth. He's on antibiotics now and he's being referred to max fax to have the abscess removed. Ethan's going with him."

Lily read between the lines. "Caleb had sepsis?"

"Yes." Cal held her hands tightly. "But Connie and Zoe got it under control."

"Connie and Zoe?" said Lily, confused. "I don't think you mean Connie and Zoe."

Cal shook his head, smiling slightly. "Wow, you really have missed a lot."

* * *

Dixie had decided not to send Matilda to school today. She'd been through so much. There had been so many ordeals and revelations – and she guessed Matilda found school difficult as it was.

Her sons were also due home that day. Dixie knew they would accept Matilda's presence without question and be nothing but sensitive, but she'd recognised Matilda's quickly-concealed look of fear.

"Why don't I take Tilly out for a walk or something when they're due home?" said Olivia. "If you feed them enough, they should be in a better mood when we get back."

Dixie smiled at her daughter gratefully. "That's a great idea. We'll do that. But be careful. Matilda's got to stay away from Cal and we don't want her going near her parents either." She went on google maps and put in Cal's address. "So stay away from this area, and the hospital too, of course. I'm not sure where Matilda's parents live, but I'm sure you'll sense it if she doesn't want to go somewhere."

Olivia nodded. "Don't worry, Dixie. I know how she feels, remember?"

Dixie hugged her. She would much rather Olivia had been able to forget.

* * *

"This really isn't a good time to take the day off, you know, Iain," said Rita. "Everyone's really struggling. We've got a serious shortage of consultants – I know Zoe was brilliant five years ago, but she hasn't worked since and she doesn't know the way we do things now."

"But you're a nurse, Rita," said Iain gently. "I know the ED won't function as well without you, but I think Lofty and Louise can hold the fort for one day. And David's brilliant. You said yourself he'd have got the Band 7 job ahead of Louise if he'd wanted it."

"David's actually one of the reasons I'm worried," admitted Rita. "He hasn't said anything, but he's been struggling."

Iain looked at her closely. He knew, better than anyone, how incredibly caring and intuitive Rita was.

He also knew she was capable of using David as an excuse in order to gain access to the files.

Of course, she would only do it if she believed it was absolutely necessary and for the good of the hospital. But Rita could talk herself into thinking pretty much anything was necessary.

"Has Amira said anything?" said Iain.

Rita shook her head.

"Then he's probably fine," said Iain. "If there was anything to say, Amira would have said it. At least twice."

"Amira's had a couple of days off," said Rita. "And David's been working. Maybe they haven't spent that much time together. I'm worried about him, Iain. I really think I should go in. For an hour at least, just to check on him."

* * *

Dylan K wasn't known for his mind-reading skills, but he had no trouble working out what Dylan was thinking.

Fortunately, it wasn't related to him and Sam. Dylan had looked briefly intrigued on discovering they knew each other, but she'd probably formed her own conclusions by now.

They were probably the right conclusions too.

But he knew that was the last thing on Dylan's mind now. All she wanted was to know what action would be taken against her.

Dylan K knew that probably wouldn't be decided until Tom was here.

Sam and Tom together… Dylan K still wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"…Luke about his mother," said Sam.

"Er, yes. Of course," said Dylan K. He was able to guess what Sam meant, even only hearing a few words, but he wondered what else he'd missed.

"Go on. I'm fine," said Dylan.

"No, you're not fine," said Dylan K. "You're in hospital and you nearly killed your future mother-in-law."

Sam gasped slightly. "Dylan, that's a bit..."

Dylan was almost smiling. "No, he's got a point. I'm not fine. But Luke needs to know about Hazel. He's the priority now. So maybe you could…"

Sam stopped looking horrified. She smiled. "You're quite right, Dylan."

"She always is," muttered Dylan K.

* * *

Alicia ran down the steps far too quickly, missing her footing on the last step and turning her ankle, but she didn't let that stop her.

She had to get out of here. Right out of here.

She'd always had a niggling feeling about Matilda. When she'd spoken to her, there had been no doubt in her mind that she was just another attention-seeking teen who'd had a row with her parents. Matilda hadn't made eye contact and hadn't seem to expect Alicia to believe her.

But the look on her face as she'd left had always haunted Alicia. Not all the time, but every so often, it came back to her and she wondered if she'd got it wrong.

Now, she knew.

 _I need a drink…_

 _No. I don't need a drink. One drink might help, but the seventh or eighth won't._

She tried to keep on running, but her ankle was hurting.

She got out her phone. There were several messages from Sam, the latest saying he was at work. Alicia phoned him anyway. "Sam, please come and get me! Lily hates me and I hurt Cal's daughter and my ankle hurts and I need a drink…"

"Alicia, it's okay. You don't need a drink and the pubs won't even be open. I'm sure you'll sort things out with Lily: she's just vulnerable at the moment. Get a cab, go home, call work to say you're sick and I'll come and see you at lunchtime, okay?"

Alicia realised she was sobbing loudly, right in the middle of the path.

Outside a pub.

"No, please come!" begged Alicia.

"Sweetheart, you know I can't," said Sam. "But you'll be okay. You can do this. I know you can. I love you."

Alicia ended the call without speaking and hammered on the pub door.


	95. Chapter 95

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I love Elle and she's friendly and kind, but she does seem to keep at a bit of a distance personally, which intrigues me. Her friendship with Jacob seems like the only link to the non-doctor Elle. I'm glad you agree with Dixie keeping Matilda off school - some would disagree, but if her parents want to find her, that's the obvious place to look. I agree that Lily would be devastated if she lost her baby, just like Robyn when she was worried about Glen's baby. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I love that you're thinking about what might be wrong with Elle! Your ideas are very clever. I'm relieved you're happy with the way Lily's storyline is going. I think it would be good for Tilly to have a 'sister'. even if she ends up living with Cal. I've noticed Alicia tends to drink a lot when she's had a bad day - for some people, that's completely fine, but for others, it can develop into a problem. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't think Alicia is an alcoholic on TV, but she is a heavy drinker after a bad day, so I can see her potentially going in that direction. I will give you a spoiler for once and reassure you that Jacob and Elle are definitely just friends. I'm glad you like the way I write Dylan K - he isn't easy to write, but it is fun thinking up what he might say, so I'm really happy you like the way I do it. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry the part with Elle is confusing. I'm afraid I don't shed any light on it in this chapter either, but she and Jacob will talk about it properly soon. They do have a lovely friendship. Something will definitely happen on Tilly and Olivia's walk. Thank you for your review and your offer to help me to write Tom - I'll pm you.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your reviews. I hope Elle's secret won't disappoint you! In my experience, most people react like Alicia, unfortunately. I get muddled with this story all the time! I had to do some major rewriting yesterday and moving scenes around because Cal was in three places at once. I'm glad you were happy with his reaction to Alicia and I can only agree with you that he is hot. And he has grown up! Matilda always did have that effect on him. I'm glad you felt Zoe was supporting Ethan in the right way. I don't do text speak either so I make half of it up as I go along! Sometimes it takes me ages to translate and I find it so much quicker to type the whole words!

 **InfinityAneOne** , I'm afraid you won't find out about Elle quite yet - I hope I'm not taking too long over the reveal. Lily's storyline kind of mirrored Robyn's on TV, which was also moving, though I didn't know about Robyn when I wrote the scene. Alicia really is all alone... but she won't be for long. Thank you for your review.

* * *

When the door opened, Alicia almost fell inside.

"I'm sorry, Madam," said the man. "I'm afraid we're… oh God, you'd better come inside." He helped Alicia over the threshold. "Is there anything I can do? Do you need an ambulance? The police?"

"A drink," sobbed Alicia. "I need a drink."

The man helped her over to a table. "It's okay. You're safe now. If there's anyone I can call for you, just let me know, okay? I'll make you some tea." He patted her shoulder and disappeared behind the bar.

"I don't want tea!" wailed Alicia. "I need vodka."

The man looked worried. He came out from behind the bar with a whole dispenser full of napkins. "I'm really sorry, but I can't serve you before eleven."

Alicia grabbed a handful of napkins. "Please. I've had the worst night. My friend nearly miscarried and now she hates me! I upset her brother-in-law's daughter and now _he_ hates me! My husband won't help me and now he hates me!"

"Well, iIt does sound like you've had a rough night and my boss isn't around till we open and he's usually late… I suppose there's no harm in it. Just this once." The man touched her arm. "What's your name?"

"Alicia."

"It's nice to meet you, Alicia. I'm Louis."

* * *

When the knock came at the door, Lily trembled. It was someone with bad news about Caleb. Or perhaps Ethan had collapsed or had another meltdown or...

Cal opened the door. "Hey, Mrs Masters!"

"I think we can make it 'Connie' all the time now, Dr Knight… I mean Cal! I'm so sorry."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever heard you apologise to me before," said Cal. "It was usually the other way round!"

"There was a reason for that, Dr… Cal. I was wondering how Lily was."

Lily called out: "Please come in, Mrs Masters."

"Please call me Connie," said Connie, as she sat down. "I'm just a consultant locum. You're the clinical lead!"

Cal cleared his throat. "Sorry: is it okay if I go and check on Ethan and Caleb?"

"Yes, of course!" said Lily at once. "Please tell them I love them very much and the baby and I are okay."

"I'll stay with Lily till you come back," promised Connie. "How are you, Lily?"

"I am not too bad. I think I am very lucky. My baby is lucky. Fifteen years ago, I would have lost this baby. Though fifteen years ago, Ethan was too busy chasing around after Honey to notice me. And then Alicia!"

"And we thought Cal was bad!" said Connie. "Ethan loves you, Lily. You have no reason to doubt that."

"I know," said Lily quietly. "I did doubt him for a while. I found out he'd rejected the clinical lead job before I was offered it. I felt so unworthy of such a sacrifice. But then he told me he did it because of his condition."

Connie nodded. "Honestly, Lily, we came very close to deciding by the toss of a coin. We all knew we wanted to offer the post to Dr Hardy… but which one? In the end, we made the choice on experience. When Ethan turned it down on health grounds, we were sad for him, but it wasn't a problem for the hospital because we had you - and I hear you've been outstanding."

Lily looked at her for a moment, wondering if she could trust her. "Connie, can I talk to you about something?"

* * *

Ella shook her head. "No. You're wrong."

The doctor looked sympathetic. "I know how easy it is to see what you want to see, Ella."

"No, don't you talk down to me!" snapped Ella. "I'm a doctor too, you know!"

She felt Connor's hands on her shoulder. "Ella."

Ella glared at him. "Get off me! Everyone's going on like I don't know nothing just 'cause I'm the relative now, but I don't care what they say. I'm still a doctor. And if I say my dad's waking up, then he flaming well is!"

Connor spoke again. "I'm not saying you're wrong, Ella. But when my mum was in ICU, I wanted so badly to see an improvement. I didn't want the drugs to have won when she'd fought so hard. I kept thinking I could see things. But they weren't there. All I could see was my hopes and dreams and I couldn't bear for them to be shattered. When I finally knew I'd lost her, it hurt like nothing else could have done. But that was the first stage in getting over it and even though I miss her every day, I can think of her with happiness now. But the pain has to come first."

Ella looked up at him. It hurt to speak; even to breathe. "But my dad isn't going to die, is he?" She turned to the doctor in sudden fear. "Is he?"

* * *

Louise had never been able to decide whether it was more annoying when Honey slept late or when she didn't. If Honey slept late, Louise didn't have to see her, but it did mean the remains of Honey's breakfast would still be on the table when Louise got home.

Today, Louise still didn't know which was worse. If Honey was asleep, perhaps she was somewhere far nicer than the real world.

But what if she was dreaming about _him_?

For at least the third time that morning, Louise went to check on her daughter-in-law, but she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

She heard Noel's footsteps, followed by his tired voice. "I have to go in."

"But it's your day off!" said Louise.

"Jack's having an emergency."

"Probably just a bad hair day," said Louise dismissively.

Noel shook his head. "He's sitting for Lily and Ethan's kids. The two who aren't in hospital. Caleb had sepsis and Lily has a very unstable pregnancy. Cal and Ethan have been there all night."

Louise was about to say that you couldn't compare that with what Honey had gone through, but perhaps you could. Honey was still with them, albeit in pieces. Lily and Ethan could have lost two children last night.

"I can't say it puts Honey's problems in perspective," said Noel. "Because it doesn't. But it's not just our family that's suffering, so I'm going to go in."

And then a solution entered Louise's mind. "You stay here with Honey. I'll work on reception."

Noel stared at her. "Louise, it's been fifteen years. The computer system's changed."

"I can still use a computer, Noel," said Louise. "And I'll have that kid to help me."

"Her name's Lana," said Noel. "Look, are you sure you're up to this?"

"Completely," said Louise.

* * *

"Can I help you?" said Amira, hands on her hips (though looking nothing like Dylan when he did it), eyebrows raised.

"I'd like to look at a file," said Cal meekly. A lot of people did become meek when faced with Amira.

"And why would that be?" said Amira. "You're not on the rota, Dr Knight."

Cal knew he could wait till Amira had gone to treat a patient, but Senior Staff Nurse Zafar-Hide wasn't showing any signs of moving. "One of our patients was brought in accompanied by a teenage girl," said Cal. "The patient, who is an acquaintance of mine, says the girl is her daughter. The first name and birthdate seem to match, but I'd like to check her file to make sure." He smiled ingratiatingly. "Or you could check. I'm the friend of a patient and I'm asking a member of staff to check a file for me. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"

Amira looked at him suspiciously "What's the daughter's name?"

"Matilda Meadowes." Cal spelled it.

Amira went to the large filing cabinet and looked under M. It seemed to take her some time. "No, she's not here. You're sure you've got the name right?"

 _I think I know my own daughter's name!_ thought Cal. Matilda, of course, wanted to be Matilda Knight (Cal couldn't think of that without smiling), but the hospital staff wouldn't change something like that at the request of a fifteen-year-old girl – or even at Taylor's or Dixie's request. "Can you try on the computer?"

"Okay, but that doesn't explain where the file's gone," said Amira. She pressed a few keys. "Here we are. Matilda Meadowes: born September 23rd 2015. Previous names…" She stopped and turned to stare at Cal. "Matilda Knight. Yeah, I'd say the mother was more than an acquaintance!"

* * *

Rita knew she wasn't doing anything wrong. There was no need to sneak around. She was a grown woman and she had every right to enter her own workplace.

Even so, she moved carefully around the car park, watching out for wing mirrors as well as nosy paramedics. Finally, she made it inside, relieved to find David in the nurse's station. David wouldn't ask any awkward questions.

"David, is Dylan working today?"

"No: he's still in London."

That was annoying, but at least David gave you a straight answer. "What about Louise?"

"She's not on shift."

"Okay, what about Zoe?"

David looked concerned. "She's up in the on-call room with Max." He blushed slightly. "I don't mean…"

"What about Cal?"

"Cal was here a minute ago, with Amira," said David. "I think a file's gone missing."

Rita felt a stir of interest. "Do you know whose file?"

"Matilda Meadowes'. He seemed to think her mother might have taken it. Her mother's on the psych ward."

A light bulb went on inside Rita's head.

Whoever was responsible for the facebook messages could definitely be insane – and from the little she knew of Matilda's adoptive mother, she would have little difficulty in getting information out of her daughter.

* * *

Dylan wasn't expecting to see Dylan K for a while. She also wasn't expecting him to come back alone. But when she saw him, her relief was so absolute, she nearly cried.

Dylan K looked momentarily panicked, then he seemed to remember he didn't need to panic anymore. Not with Dylan. "Dylan, it's okay. Well, it might not actually be okay, but the good news is Sam really likes you."

"She really likes you too," offered Dylan.

"Well, I… I don't know about that." Dylan K looked very awkward. "She thinks you've got a very bright future as a doctor. Obviously, the final decision will rest with Tom - Dr Kent, that is: the clinical lead - but I imagine he'll listen to Sam. Sam's really impressed with you and she doesn't want to jeopardise your career."

Dylan looked at her hands. "That's very kind of Dr Nicholls. I do appreciate it. But she doesn't need to worry." She looked Dylan K in the eye. "I don't want to be a doctor anymore."


	96. Chapter 96

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it probably is a mixture of nerves and guilt with Dylan - she's had a big shock and she's not well, so she might change her mind. I'm happy you think she'd be a good doctor. Louis seems to like helping wives in distress! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. The characters are quite good at getting themselves into worrying situations! It would be sad if Dylan didn't become a doctor, but she's got time to change her mind again. I don't know about Louise having an easy time on reception, but the patients won't necessarily have an easy time with her!

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review and your pm. I agree Dylan has to be a doctor - luckily, she has lots of people around her who know she'd be great. Elle and Jacob begin their talk in this chapter. Most of what you're waiting for will happen in Chapter 98, so I hope you won't be bored in the meantime!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think the respect Connie shows to Lily shows how much they've both changed - Lily has earned the respect of a brilliant clinical lead, and Connie has accepted her in that role, rather than trying to steal her job as she did with Zoe! Cal is a very proud dad. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Not very much shocked Dylan K. This did. "Dylan, you mustn't let this upset you. Sam was really impressed with you. She said a qualified, experienced doctor would have done the same and done an equally good job – and I've certainly seen much worse. You have great promise, a great future and I'm looking forward to working with you."

Dylan smiled sadly. "I know you mean it, Dylan. And thank you. But if I'm capable of this kind of mistake, I'm not safe to become a doctor."

"On the contrary. Some of the 'safest' doctors and nurses I know are the ones who have made mistakes and learned from them. You know my friend Ben, don't you? Known as Lofty? Senior Charge Nurse Chiltern? He gave up nursing after making a mistake with a defibrillator. He retrained as a bereavement counsellor and worked in this role briefly, but his heart was in nursing and he finally came back. There is nobody in any hospital I would trust with a defibrillator more. He has saved lives not only from using the defibrillator but in ensuring that the whole team stands clear. And I don't say this about many people, but I'm very proud of him. I'm proud of you too, Dylan."

Dylan looked at him rather blankly. "I'm sure it's true about Senior Charge Nurse Chiltern. But he's a nurse. I'm just a kid."

"Dylan, you are much more than just a-" Dylan K stopped as his phone rang. He looked at the display and groaned. "It's your mother. I think I have some explaining to do." He answered the phone. "Hello, Chloe."

"Dylan, where are you?" said Chloe. "I've been knocking at your door; no-one's answering. Please tell me you're safe!"

"We're all safe," said Dylan K. "There was a small emergency at the hospital involving Hazel. Luke and I came to see her. She's going to be fine. Dylan is fine too."

He heard Chloe sigh with relief. "I'm so glad you're all okay. Would you like me to book another night at the hotel for all of us? I'm not leaving London till Dylan is discharged."

"If you wouldn't mind," said Dylan K. "Thank you."

Even if Dylan was pronounced fit to leave the hospital, it seemed unlikely that Sam and Tom would be willing to let her go just yet.

* * *

The office had looked so tidy when Elle had left it. Or if not exactly tidy, at least ordered and a great deal tidier than it had been when she'd first seen it.

Now, everything looked like a haphazard mess and it felt as though she'd achieved nothing at all.

Jacob sat down on the chair opposite her and regarded her with sympathy. Elle found it galling, but she was still grateful for it.

"So… what are you going to do?" asked Elle at last.

"Do?" said Jacob, his eyebrows raised curiously.

"Are you going to report me?" said Elle. "Declare me unfit for duty? What?"

"What would you suggest?" asked Jacob, much to her surprise.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Okay, so you had an issue in cubicles just now that will need to be addressed – but you're still a perfectly competent adult, Elle. How would you like to proceed?"

* * *

Matilda didn't want to be scared. She was sure Dixie's sons were lovely. They'd grown up in a loving family environment. They were also used to new foster siblings appearing out of nowhere. There was no reason for her to be terrified.

After all, she'd lived with two adult men recently – one had said he wanted to be her father and the other had mental health problems. The situation might have frightened a lot of people, but not Matilda. She loved Cal and she was very close to loving Ethan.

Dixie's boys would be lovely too. The boys at school tended to tease Matilda and tell her she was weird and ugly (at least when Dylan wasn't around), but not all boys were like that. Dixie's sons were Year 12s anyway – not twins and not biologically brothers, but legally adults.

Dixie came into the living room and smiled at Matilda. She sat down beside her and spoke gently. "Are you nervous about meeting the boys?"

Matilda nodded shyly. "Sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for being nervous," said Dixie. "It's natural to worry about meeting new people, but you won't feel like this forever. They're nice lads and they understand how difficult it is moving into a new home. They had a few different homes before coming to us – and they didn't arrive at the same time, so it was very hard for both of them. But that doesn't change the fact you've never met them before, so of course you're going to be nervous."

* * *

Grace stared at herself in the mirror, nothing the dark smudges under her eyes and general appearance of exhaustion. She'd taken the maximum number of painkillers, but her head still throbbed horribly and she was almost tempted to take the day off – but a headache was no reason to call in sick. Not unless it was accompanied by nausea and even then, only if it was very severe.

Letting down your patients was only acceptable if you had a serious contagious illness or if you were likely to vomit on them. Neither applied to Grace. Therefore, she would go to work.

She put her make-up on, trying her hardest to cover the dark circles, but it only seemed to accentuate the swelling. Grace sighed and went to pack her bag. She knew she wasn't heavy – she'd actually lost weight recently – but it seemed an effort, dragging her body around. At least she would mostly be sitting down at work. It really was the perfect job. A mental challenge that didn't tax her physically.

Grace knew that wasn't quite true. Even sitting down could cause her head and back to ache, but she preferred not to let herself think about that too much.

If she allowed herself to look in too much detail, she might see how much she was really struggling.

* * *

Max knew it was wrong. He'd been half-expecting Zoe to tell him it was wrong; that they couldn't possibly do it.

But although a look of guilt had come into Zoe's eyes, she'd made no objection. She'd just nodded and suggested going to the on-call room.

The thought had made Max smile despite his concerns – after all, they had so many wonderful memories of the on-call room – but he knew it would be different today.

They sat side by side on the bed, Ariana's tablet balanced on Zoe's knees. Some teachers advised their students to bring their tablets to school; others categorically forbade them in their lessons. Today, apparently, Ariana had not needed her tablet.

"Do you know her password?" asked Zoe. Max could tell she was half-hoping he wouldn't.

Max nodded. "It's still _alfie_."

Zoe sighed. "I wish she could move on from him. He's a nice enough kid, but he's obsessed with his hair. Did I tell you he came over in the rain once and insisted on using Ariana's hairdryer and straighteners?"

"Us men can be a vain bunch," said Max with a laugh. "Though you do get those women who put their hair behind their ears for no apparent reason…"

Zoe laughed softly too, before they both remembered the situation wasn't funny at all.

He looked down at the tablet, knowing they were both delaying the inevitable. He went to the hospital site first, wondering if Ariana might have used someone else's login. She might have seen Rita's when she was at Alfie's house, or perhaps one of the hospital staff had been less than cautious about accessing the system during one of Ariana's many hospital visits.

Zoe dropped her heard into her hands. "Should we even be doing this? I mean, it can't be her. We know it's not her."

"No, it can't be," said Max, but he didn't close the window. Instead, he clicked on the site to see if any logins came up.

He groaned.

The logins of Lily, Ethan, Cal, Dylan, Ella, Rita, Lofty and David had all been used.

* * *

Connie smiled and stroked Lily's arm. "Lily, you can tell me anything you need to. I promise you it won't go any further. Even if what you tell me is a cause for concern, I'll deal with it myself. And if I think Ethan needs to know, that's just my opinion – it's your decision."

Lily smiled at her, then looked away. "I know I should be grateful for this baby and I am. I love it already and I know I will love it when it's born. But I… I am afraid. Afraid that the baby will…"

"…that the baby will have inherited the Huntington's gene?" said Connie gently.

Lily nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "I know it's wrong of me. It's not Ethan's fault and I knew there was always a risk of this happening. It's not that I mind having a child with Huntington's. They will be my baby and I will love them. But Ethan… he will blame himself so much. He will believe it is his fault because the gene came from him and not from me. How will he cope, Connie? I know he has been struggling. I left him because I could not deal with the fact he'd given up his job for me. He says he understands my reaction and it's okay, but I know I hurt him. Now he thinks the symptoms are coming and of course he is worried about Caleb and the new baby." She looked at Connie, her tears falling now. "How will he cope if he knows he has passed on the gene to his child? How can I support him?

* * *

Cal stood, breathing hard, until the young psych healthcare assistant was out of sight, then he shoved the door open. "Where it is?"

Taylor jolted awake and stared at Cal in bewilderment. "Cal?"

Cal walked up to the bed, trying not to let her pale, gaunt appearance affect him. He knew what she was like and he knew what she'd done. "Just tell me where it is and I'll go."

"I don't know what you mean!" Taylor burst into tears.

"Yes, you do!" Only the fear of being interrupted prevented Cal from shouting. "You took Matilda's file, didn't you?"

"What file?" wept Taylor. "What are you talking about?"

"Matilda's hospital file!" Cal bent over, holding his face close to hers.

"I haven't seen it!" sobbed Taylor. "How could I have seen it? They wouldn't tell me anything about Matilda. I have no rights! I gave her away! " Her eyes met his. "Just like you."

"No, Taylor, I am nothing like you!" Cal straightened up and breathed deeply a couple of times. "Okay. This is how it's going to be. I'm going to ask you once more what you did with the file – and you're going to tell me. All right?"

"Cal-"

"Taylor. Where is Matilda's file?"


	97. Chapter 97

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Taylor definitely has a motive as well as a history of theft! I've really enjoyed some of Connie and Lily's scenes together so it's nice writing them as equals now, even though they're sad scenes!

 **Tanith Panic** , I had to put in some Dyfty friendship! I loved the defibrillator storyline - Lee was brilliant and I thought I should explain why Lofty was a nurse again. I also wanted Lily to show her love for Ethan after putting the poor man through so much stress - I'm so glad that worked. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it must be really awful for Max and Zoe - they wanted so much to find nothing, but now they've probably got to admit what they've done. I was sad Dixie didn't get to adopt a child in the show. Cal must be so scared - Matilda is vulnerable and Taylor isn't known for her morals! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like the story - I hope you'll keep reading.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you liked the part about Lofty. I love the friendship between Dylan and Lofty, but it's not often you get the chance to make Dylan admit to how much he values Lofty! Lily talking about her feelings is unusual too... but not as unusual as Taylor telling the truth! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review and your pms. I'm glad you liked Dylan K showing his emotional side - I don't think he cares for people easily, but when he does, he really does! If that makes sense. I hope it's not too frustrating that Elle and Jacob are skirting around the issue a bit. They'll get there eventually!

* * *

Taylor shook her head as tears streamed down her face. "I didn't take it, Cal. You've got to believe me."

Cal laughed scornfully. "Believe _you_? Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

Taylor sniffled. "It's the truth! You can search my room if you like. Search my bag…"

"You could have hidden it somewhere. Given it to one of your friends."

Taylor looked up at him, her eyes wide. "But I don't even know where the files are kept. Even if I did, I doubt it would be that easy for me to walk into wherever it is and search through the Ks without being seen."

"Well, you always did have a way with doctors," said Cal. "And asking someone to steal for you was always very much your-" He stopped as something occurred to him. Something odd.

He thought for a moment. He knew what he had to ask, but he needed to ask it in the right way.

"Cal?" said Taylor hesitantly.

"How do you know Matilda's surname begins with K?"

"She told me," said Taylor, as though she found this rather a stupid question. But then something seemed to strike her. "Though if you haven't adopted her yet… is her adoptive family called Knight too? Or did she keep your name from when you had her before?"

Cal stared at her, his eyes narrowed. Taylor might only be pretending she didn't know Matilda's surname. But it wasn't unlikely Matilda had introduced herself as Matilda Knight and if Taylor had stolen the folder, it might have made more sense to claim she didn't know Matilda's surname rather than pretend she thought it was something else. Cal remembered how she'd said it: she'd kind of blurted it out. It hadn't seemed calculated.

But then again, this was Taylor.

* * *

Evie was waiting outside the ED when Grace arrived. She looked about as exhausted as Grace was feeling, but that was understandable when she'd just done the night shift. "Grace, are you okay?"

"Just a headache," said Grace.

Evie looked even more worried. "Maybe you should have called in sick."

"I'm fine," said Grace. "I'm sure it's just a normal headache."

Evie didn't look convinced. "Okay. If you're sure. But there's something I need to tell you."

"Is there something wrong?" asked Grace guiltily. She would normally have realised far more quickly, but she'd often found she was less empathic when she was in pain.

Evie hesitated. "You know I told you we've got a shortage of doctors?"

"Yes. What about it?" said Grace impatiently. She could see how it might make things more difficult for Evie, but Grace didn't work in the ED.

"Dr Walker came in as a locum and she called in lots of other doctors she knows and one of them's…" Evie looked apologetically at Grace.

Grace looked at her in confusion... but then she felt a horrible tingle of suspicion. "Please tell me it's not my mum."

"There probably is still time to call in sick..."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" snapped Grace.

This was _her_ hospital now. She wasn't going to let her mum drive her away.

* * *

When Amira saw David peering around a corner with a frown on his face, that meant one of two things. Either had had a concern about someone - which was more than likely to be legitimate – or he really needed to go home.

"David?" said Amira softly. "What's wrong?"

David turned to her, the concern now replaced by embarrassment. "I'm worried about Rita," he admitted.

"I didn't think she was working today," said Amira. "What's she done? Do you think she's going into one of her… phases?"

"Possibly," said David. He started walking, his hand slipping into Amira's. "She's taken a selection of files. I was only close enough to read the surnames, but they said Andrews, Bateman, Leyton, Meadowes, Walker and Wilkinson."

Amira could tell the names meant something to David. "Is that Jez Andrews and Zoe Walker?"

"I think they might be children," said David, "but one of the surnames isn't quite right. Lottie-Daniela Andrews, Matilda Meadowes, Dylan Wilkinson-Brae and Ariana Walker are best friends. Luke Leyton is Dylan's boyfriend. Charlie Bateman is Alicia's stepson. They're all at school with Rita's son. But Rita took 'Wilkinson', not 'Wilkinson-Brae'. So she can't have taken Dylan's file."

Amira didn't feel any less confused. "I don't get why Rita would look at their files though."

"Neither do I," said David. "But perhaps we need to find out. For Rita's sake."

* * *

Hazel's eyes were closed. Luke was sitting very close to her, leaning close to her as though he was trying to hear her breathing.

Perhaps he was.

"Luke."

Luke turned sharply to look at Dylan K. Then he looked away.

"I know you're angry with Dylan and I understand," said Dylan K. "But this isn't her fault. If Dylan hadn't given Hazel the overdose, someone else would have done."

"Someone else would have checked," snapped Luke.

"Dylan did check," said Dylan K. "She checked the chart and asked Hazel."

Luke stared at him in disbelief. "Are you saying Mum lied?"

"No, of course not," said Dylan K. He explained about Hazel's occasional top-up dose. "It's terrible for your mum and it could have been a tragedy, but Dylan also _saved_ your mum. A nurse or doctor would have left after administering the dose. Dylan stayed, recognised that something was wrong and called for help."

"Shame she didn't do that in the first place," muttered Luke.

"Perhaps, but whoever she called would have done the same as Dylan," said Dylan K. "Technically, the first dose caused an overdose too as it came an hour too early."

Luke put his hands to his head. "But if Mum had already been given too much pain relief, why was she in so much pain?"

That had occurred to Dylan K too. "Dr Nicholls is looking into it. But your mum is stable now."

Luke said nothing.

"I don't think blaming Dylan is going to help anybody," said Dylan K. "She's very upset. She says she doesn't want to be a doctor anymore."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," said Luke.

* * *

Ethan held Caleb's hand as the trolley was wheeled along. "You'll be fine, Caleb. I'll be right there the whole time." He'd already spoken to the max fax department on the phone and had told them about Caleb's concerns. "I'll hold your hand and do as much of the talking as I can. If they do need to ask you something, you can always whisper the answer to me or write it down. I'll keep holding your hand while you're asleep and I won't let go." Caleb didn't want to be gassed, so Ethan had persuaded them to give him an injection. "I'll be able to see your monitor so if there's anything going on there that I don't like, I'll be able to tell the doctor straight away. I won't let them hurt you or be mean to you – though I'm sure they won't do either. They're very nice up there." He smiled. "They're also terrified of Mummy, so they wouldn't dare say anything bad to you."

He looked over at Lofty, hoping he hadn't said anything wrong. Despite Ethan's calm words, his head was all over the place and he wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Lofty smiled at him before turning to Caleb. "Daddy's right. They're all lovely. I had to go up there once when I fell over. I used to do that a lot."

Tears filled Ethan's eyes and he saw the concern on Lofty's face before he quickly looked away. Soon, he would be the one falling over a lot, but while Lofty had gradually found it happened less and less, it would be the opposite for Ethan.

"They couldn't say anything bad about you anyway," said Lofty. "You're a lovely young man and very brave."

Ethan knew he meant it, but he was also taking Caleb's attention away from his dad; giving Ethan time. Ethan blinked his tears away and swallowed hard before turning back to his son.

"Brave like Daddy?" said Caleb, who'd always liked Lofty. He was one of the first people outside the family Caleb had felt able to speak to. Ethan could understand why.

"Well, Daddy is a very brave man," said Lofty. "But you're a very brave boy." He smiled at Ethan. "So I think you're just as brave as Daddy."

* * *

"Mummy, look at my new dance!" said Ava.

"Mummy, can you play football with me?" said Archie.

Noah and Sienna started screaming. Robyn guessed Sienna was due for a nappy change, whilst Noah, who'd refused to feed earlier, was probably hungry.

There was a crash from the next room. "Mummy!" screamed Riley.

Robyn dragged herself to her feet, ignoring a wave of dizziness as she hurried to find her son.

Riley was lying underneath a bookshelf.

"Oh my God: are you hurt?" Kneeling wasn't easy for Robyn, but she had to get close to him.

"My mountain fell on me!" howled Riley.

Robyn had told him not to use the shelves as mountains, but the reprimand could wait. "Where does it hurt?"

"My knee hurts!"

"Okay. I'll-" Robyn stopped. She'd never be able to lift the shelf on her own. She wasn't even completely sure she'd be able to stand up.

She didn't have her phone with her, but if she could get to the landline…

Robyn tried to stand and felt another wave of dizziness, but she knew she couldn't let that beat her. Riley needed her.

* * *

As soon as he'd left the meeting, Sam had tried to call Alicia on her mobile and the landline, but she hadn't picked up. That might have been because she was asleep (she'd been awake all night, after all) or because she'd been called in to work.

But it might be because she was drunk.

Sam wondered what to do. He could explain he had to go home because of an emergency, but what if Alicia wasn't there? What would he do then?

He was so relieved when his phone rang.

But it wasn't Alicia. It was reception.

"Hi, Sam. Sorry to bother you, but there are two gentlemen in reception who'd like to speak to you. They're... policemen."

Sam's heart went into his throat. He raced down to reception. "Please tell me she's okay."

"Mr Bateman?" The policeman introduced himself and his partner. They looked vaguely familiar to Sam. They probably worked with his sister Saskia.

"Yes, I'm Sam Bateman. Is Alicia okay?"

"We're actually here about your son, Mr Bateman. There was no answer at your house, so we came here. We'd like to speak to Charlie regarding a facebook profile."


	98. Chapter 98

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like the twist and I hope you're not disappointed it's Rita. She didn't take the files for a malicious reason. Luke is being harsh, but he's very upset and still scared his mum could die. I think Dylan gets that, even though she must be devastated. I'm glad you like Caleb.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Grace would hate to be told she was like Connie, but I was trying to make her like her mum so I'm really happy you picked up on that. Robyn is certainly only just hanging on. Charlie probably will be in trouble if he's responsible for the facebook posts, but it could be anyone! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. It is horrible for Dylan at the moment, losing Luke and deciding to give up on being a doctor, but she and Luke have both have massive shocks so any decisions they make in the heat of the moment could change... let's hope so! I really hope the Sam and Tom scene is okay and the Elle scene too. Thank you again for helping me with Sam and Tom.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you feel Luke's reaction is understandable in the circumstances. Even though we want him and Dylan to be together, I think a lot of people would be annoyed if he forgave her instantly. I'm glad you liked Lofty and Ethan - Ethan needed someone and it was about time I gave Lofty something medical to do! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Sam glanced around reception, aware that he was being stared at. A part of him was convinced Charlie had done nothing, but he hadn't forgotten the incident with the hospital records. What more might he have done to prove he was as good as Alicia?

(And where was Alicia?)

"Um… yeah. I think one of the conference rooms is probably free…" Still feeling shocked, Sam led the policemen down a corridor and found an empty room.

He got the policemen settled at a table and asked what was going on.

"There's a facebook site, Mr Bateman, that's based around gossip at your son's school."

The relief was so strong, Sam almost laughed. "I can't see Charlie being into that."

The policeman looked at him with interest. "Why would you say that?"

"Because he hates gossip," said Sam. "One of his mates is always texting him stuff about the kids at school and it drives him mad."

"Charlie has a friend with a love of gossip? Can we have his name, please?"

Sam hesitated. He didn't want to land one of Charlie's mates in it, but he couldn't very well claim he didn't know. "Alfie Dean."

He saw surprised recognition in both pairs of eyes, but neither policeman commented, merely asking for more details about Alfie, which Sam provided, even though he was certain they knew already.

"Thank you, Mr Bateman. The reason why we asked is that the gossip site has expanded somewhat. It includes not only school gossip, but gossip about the students' medical records. We understand that Charlie is talented with computers. Would you say he has the ability to hack into the hospital records?"

* * *

Robyn shuffled along the floor, trying to fight the dizziness. She could hear Riley crying and it sounded like at least one of the other kids was screaming too, but there was nothing she could do about that now. She had to help Riley.

She reached the table at last and grabbed hold of the telephone lead, pulling the telephone off the table and down into her lap. As soon as she'd done it, she began to panic that she'd pulled it out of the socket, but when she lifted the receiver, there was a dialling tone. She felt for the number 9 and jabbed it three times, her heart pounding as she waited for the voice on the other end.

"Ambulance!" gasped Robyn, and waited to be put through. "My little boy's trapped and I'm pregnant so I can't lift it off! Oh God, I think I'm going to…"

* * *

Tom looked at Sam in disbelief. "How could you have allowed this to happen?"

Sam had expected him to be angry. He had every right to be, of course, but he knew that part of his anger came from concern.

"How was she even able to get in there and treat Hazel?" demanded Tom.

"There was an incident in another room. A couple of patients had come to blows and several others got involved too. Almost all available staff members were helping me to deal with that – they all needed to calm down and a few needed to be physically restrained. I controlled the situation as quickly as I could, but we didn't hear Hazel's cries of pain - or the alarm, if she used it."

"And how was this Dylan able to access the medication?" said Tom.

"My guess is that Caitlin was horrified by the mistake she'd made and left the room in a bit of a panic," said Sam.

Tom shook his head despairingly. "She'll have to go. Caitlin, I mean. We all make mistakes sometimes, but to make a mistake and then try to cover it up… I like the girl, but I don't see what else I can do. And as for Dylan…"

"Dylan did what any doctor or nurse would have done," said Sam.

"But she's not a doctor or a nurse, is she?" said Tom. "I don't want to see a kid get into trouble, but this is serious."

Sam spoke to him with a hope she didn't feel. "I suppose there's no way we can cover it up? I don't mind saying I gave Hazel the dose."

"Of course you can't!" said Tom. "Even leaving aside the fact it's dishonest and we almost certainly will get caught, which will cost us both our jobs, Dylan needs to face up to what she did. She seems to have potential, but she needs to be brought back down to earth for her own sake."

"Tom, she's not like that," said Sam. "She's very mature and level-headed. She just acted on impulse."

"Maybe she did, but her impulsiveness had serious consequences," said Tom. "I really am sorry for her, but some things have to be faced. There's nothing I can do, Sam. I'm sorry. There will have to be an investigation and we need Dylan's side of the story, apart from anything else." He looked at her curiously. "She seems to have made a great impression on you considering you've only just met her."

Sam felt slightly awkward. "She has. You'll understand when you meet her. But… it's not just that. Dylan – my ex-husband – is here too. She was named after him and he's a kind of mentor to her, I think. He thinks of her very highly too. I don't think I've ever heard him speak so highly of someone else, particularly not a child."

Tom looked stunned. "Your ex-husband's here and you've only just mentioned it?"

"Don't you think everything else is a bit more important?" said Sam.

* * *

Honey felt trapped. So, so trapped.

"Honey, I know it's hard, but we've got to catch this guy and the only way of doing that is through his DNA," said Noel. "We'll find a nice female nurse for you – maybe Louise will be able to leave the reception desk - and a nice lady doctor. I think you'd like Ella: I think she's thirty-three so she's only a few years older than you."

"I don't want to!" sobbed Honey. "I can't, Dad. not ready. Please don't make me go. I don't want people touching me!"

She felt Noel stroking her hair. "I know, love, and I'm so sorry. The last thing I want is to be putting pressure on you, but if we're going to get his DNA, we've got to do it quickly. And if we don't get it in time, the police won't know who they're looking for and you might spend the rest of your life regretting it. None of his is your fault, love. He's the only person who's done something wrong. Please, Honey. Let me take you to the hospital."

"Okay," whispered Honey. She lifted her wet face from the cushion. "I'll go to the hospital."

* * *

Elle could see the mixed emotions on Jacob's face. There was definitely relief there. If Elle stayed out of the way in the office, she would get important admin done and there wouldn't be any more incidents at a time when the hospital was already overstretched and didn't need to be supporting one of their doctors as well as looking after the patients.

But he was also disappointed that she wasn't going to fight.

Elle had always been a fighter. Not in an aggressive way, but she was someone who would calmly get on with what needed to be done and not let anyone or anything get in her way. Certainly not her own fears.

But she'd let her fears get in the way the day she'd quit and now she didn't know how to push them aside.

Jacob reached across the table and took her hand. "I think you're doing the right thing."

"Do you?" said Elle doubtfully.

Jacob held her gaze. "You can't run from this forever, Elle. You need to face what happened, work out why it happened and then decide how to deal with it. But let's get the new locums settled in first – and you know as well as I do, that could take half the day!" He squeezed her hand. "But when everything's sorted, I'll be back. You're not going through this alone."

* * *

"I'm so sorry," sniffed Lily, ashamed of her weakness. A clinical lead, she believed, should always be strong.

Connie gripped her hand firmly. "Don't apologise, Lily. It's all right to be sad. I know it's difficult sometimes. Everyone expects you to be the one who stays in control no matter what – no-one more than yourself. But it is all right to cry, Lily."

Lily buried her face in her hands, surprised but comforted when she felt Connie stroking her hair.

"It is impossible for me, or anyone else, to say how well Ethan will cope," said Connie. "But I was very impressed with him just now. He has a lot to worry about at the moment, not forgetting that he hasn't slept, but he pushed everything aside to support Caleb. It will be very difficult for Ethan – for all of you – but Ethan has been in a lot of difficult situations. He's come through each one a stronger person."

"He has," said Lily shakily. "And I'm so proud. But this…"

"I know this is a bit different," said Connie. "But he's not alone. He has a wife who loves him more than anything. Three children who adore him. A brother who's shocked and humbled us all by his determination and devotion. And a lot of colleagues, past and present, who love and respect him, and always will. But we're not just here for Ethan, Lily. We're here to support you too."

* * *

 _Finally_ , thought Rita in relief as she escaped the bustle of the ED and headed for her office.

She was beginning to think it was a good thing she'd come in. Although they apparently had a full complement of nurses, half of them seemed to have disappeared. She knew Lofty was with Ethan and Caleb (though why his presence was required was a mystery to Rita), but she had no idea where Jacob had disappeared to and she hadn't seen David and Amira for a while either.

Rita had been glad to help out – this was her job, after all, and she hadn't wanted to take the day off - but she hadn't forgotten the main reason why she was here. She'd started to look through some of the files earlier, but then the patients had started pouring through the doors and it had sounded like they really needed Rita's help.

Rita opened the door.

"What do you think you're doing?" she gasped when she saw David and Amira sitting at her desk.

In front of them were the files Rita had stolen.


	99. Chapter 99

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think you might be right about David being better at thinking on his feet than Amira. Amira might give a quicker response, but she'd be reacting rather than thinking and would probably make things worse! I think Connie and Lily are quite alike and could be good friends. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm so glad you liked Tom's scene. He meets Dylan in this chapter, so I hope that scene is okay too. I think he's a character I'm going to like - he seems professional but caring. I'm glad you like the way we find out a bit more about Elle in of her scenes, but there's not much longer to wait! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think it really would mean a lot to Lily to be able to confide in Connie as she's always admired her so much. I think Connie feels proud to see Lily as a clinical lead too, knowing she was an important part of her career. The hacking situation must be a real worry for those who know.

 **Tanith Panic** , Robyn does need to talk to Lofty! He's a lovely man, but his opinion of Robyn is so high, I think he still hasn't really taken in that she's not Superwoman! I don't want to make you sad, but I don't think a storyline like Honey's can ever be happy. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I'm glad Robyn is coming across as a loving mother. I would love to bring Glen's child into the story too, but I haven't thought of a storyline yet. I think Lily's determination to be strong is admirable, but it does sometimes get her into trouble, so it's a worry too.

* * *

David slowly turned to face Rita, grateful when Amira took his hand. At one time, she would have blurted out the first thing that came into her head - anything to save David the terror of having to speak.

Now, she was staying silent because she believed in him.

David could only hope her trust wasn't misplaced.

"I'm waiting for an answer." Rita sounded stressed.

"Rita, we're concerned about these files," said David. "If you have a legitimate reason for taking them, we apologise. But we know it could be a sign that you're unwell and I know what that's like. We'd both like to offer our support if you need it."

It was a long speech for David. Amira squeezed his hand in silent celebration.

Rita sighed and sank into an empty chair. "I can understand why you're concerned, but I do have a legitimate reason,. Someone's been accessing confidential information and I'm looking for links between the patients mentioned."

"Have you told the police?" asked David.

Rita nodded. "I have, but I thought I'd do some digging - and I think I've found a link."

"Would you like to tell us?" asked David. He was still concerned, but they could help Rita more if she confided in them.

Rita hesitated. "The patients involved are all children – which is bad enough. I was concerned at first that the parents might be involved in some way, so I looked at their parents' files, but I know most of the parents – the Walkers and the Batemans are obviously completely trustworthy and one of the children is Dylan's brother, Luke, who's currently in Dylan's care."

"They're all doctors," said David thoughtfully. "Zoe Walker, Alicia Bateman, Dylan Keogh, Cal Knight..."

Rita nodded. "All the children have a family connection to someone who works or used to work here except Matilda Meadowes, who was looked after by Cal as a baby; Dylan Wilkinson-Brae, who is the granddaughter of a GP who had links to the hospital; and Lottie Andrews."

"Andrews!" said Amira. " _Jez_ Andrews! They could be siblings. Father and daughter?"

"I haven't been able to find a connection yet," said Rita. "But what do you think? Could I be on to something?"

* * *

Sebastian didn't notice the text when he got out of bed. Or if he did notice, he was too exhausted to care. He went into the bathroom, took his time over showering, and only once he was out did he bother to look at his phone.

He had a text. It requested his presence at Holby City ED in about two minutes' time.

Sebastian couldn't turn it down. Far too many EDs had made it known that they didn't want Sebastian to work there again.

But his feelings about returning were certainly mixed. He hadn't been there since the last time he'd seen his father. He still had no idea if the old man was alive or dead.

He had no idea which he hoped for.

* * *

Lofty groaned silently when his pager bleeped. He was the senior nurse on duty and if he wanted to accompany an anxious relative to another department, that was his call. However, if he was needed downstairs, he could hardly say no.

"It's okay," said Ethan, who stood pale and trembling at Lofty's side, his eyes flickering between Caleb and his monitor. "If you need to go, I understand."

Lofty touched Ethan's shoulder. "I'll just give them a call and find out what's going on."

Ethan nodded, his lip trembling, and Lofty guiltily left the room to make the call.

"Good morning: Holby ED reception."

"Hi, Louise," said Lofty, before remembering she wasn't a receptionist and hadn't been for years. He wondered for a crazy moment if they'd entered a time warp. Connie, Zoe, Elle and Jacob back in the ED; Louise back on reception. "It's Lofty. You paged me?"

"Yeah." Louise's voice had softened. "I think you need to get down here, Lofty. Jez just called."

* * *

Alicia lay panting on the bed, the alcohol singing in her veins and a smile on her face as the warm body held her close. It hadn't been like that for some time. She missed the spontaneity. She missed the feeling of simply having sex without the baggage of her life pressing down on her.

She felt Louis' hand on her hair and remembered how sweet he'd been. He hadn't minded her tears or her drunkenness. He'd just wanted to make her feel better and he had.

When was the last time Sam had made her feel better? When was the last time they'd been free to love each other without Sam thinking about his job or his son, or Alicia secretly fearing that she wouldn't get pregnant this time either?

 _Oh, Sam…_ Alicia closed her eyes.

 _Oh God. Sam!_

Alicia sat bolt upright. The happy, floating intoxication fell away and all she was left with was the knowledge that she'd cheated on her husband.

 _How could I have done this?_

 _How could I have turned out just like my dad?_

* * *

Zoe looked helplessly at Max. "So, what do we do?"

"We have to talk to her," said Max. "We to tell her we know."

"But to say we suspected her; that we invaded her privacy…"

There was agony on Max's face. "What choice do we have? She's broken the law. Either we talk to her or wait for the police to do it."

An idea entered Zoe's mind. She clutched at it desperately. "We don't know she accessed the records. All we know is that she put the usernames in. She'd still have had to guess the passwords."

Max sighed heavily and clicked on Lofty's username. Immediately, a password came up. It was all in stars so they didn't know what it was, but Ariana's tablet had saved it. Max clicked on the login.

 _Incorrect login or password._

Zoe collapsed with relief against Max's shoulder, but almost immediately, the fear was back. There were other usernames.

Max tried again for Cal. The result was the same. Then he tried Dylan.

Zoe found she'd closed her eyes. She knew Dylan's password. Anyone who'd ever worked with him could guess it. But was it equally obvious to Ariana?

The password Ariana had guessed had six letters. It could so easily be _dervla_.

Max clicked on it.

There was a long silence.

"I'm in," said Max sadly.

* * *

"Hi, Dylan. Sorry I was so long," said Sam. "This is Dr Kent, our clinical lead."

Dylan smiled and held out her hand. "Hello, Dr Kent. I'm Dylan. Forgive me for not standing up. And I'm truly sorry for causing so much trouble."

Tom shook her hand and she read the surprise in his eyes. "It's good to meet you, Dylan. And please don't apologise. As far as I can make out, your behaviour would have been completely professional if you were employed at the hospital. So I'd like to thank you for your prompt and correct actions. Unfortunately, you aren't employed by the hospital, and that means we have a few problems."

"I fully understand if you want to include me in your investigation," said Dylan quietly. "It's only right – and I think it would be extremely difficult to leave me out considering I gave the second dose and raised the alarm. You can't really know exactly what happened without talking to me and you can't quote or paraphrase me without giving my name. And I imagine there will be an investigation, which will mean other members of the hospital and possibly the police will need to speak to me too."

"That's… exactly the conclusion I came to," said Tom, clearly stunned, though he quickly hid it. "We will try to keep the police out of it as we do feel it was a genuine mistake from our nurse followed by a genuinely well-meaning action from you, but you're right: there will have to be an investigation – and I can't promise a positive outcome."

Dylan felt her stomach clench in fear, but her voice remained calm. "I understand, Dr Kent. I'm not saying I'm looking forward to this, but with the greatest respect, I'd be disappointed to see a hospital covering up an incident like this - much as I'd appreciate the thought. I'm ready to talk about it whenever it suits you."

* * *

Matilda kept her eyes fixed on the ground as they walked. She liked Olivia, but she didn't know what to say.

"Tilly, it's okay," said Olivia. "You can say anything you like to me. If you want to talk about what's happened to you, you can. If you want to talk about the future, you can. If you want to ask me anything, that's fine too. About Mum and Dixie; my brothers; about the singing… nothing is off-limits."

Matilda looked at her in surprise. "Aren't you worried I'll go running to the papers?"

Olivia shook her head. "You're not like that. I usually know when someone wants to hurt me and you don't. You seem a bit scared of me, but when you've been hurt, you're scared of almost everyone for a while. But it's over now, Tilly." Olivia turned Matilda to face her. "I know you don't feel safe yet. That takes time. But you can move forward from this and be happy. You've got a family here for as long as you need us."

"How do you know it'll get better?" said Matilda.

"Okay, I can't be sure about that," admitted Olivia. "But I got better. I got away from the person who hurt me and Mum. Then Mum got together with Dixie and I started to feel safe. It took a while and it helped that I always had Mum on my side, but I believe in you, Tilly. I know you can get through this."

Matilda couldn't imagine ever being like Olivia. Olivia was so pretty and talented. Olivia had two mothers who loved her. Matilda had one mother who hated her and another who was probably too unwell to know how she felt. But she appreciated Olivia's kindness. "Thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for, but if I said something right, I'm happy," said Olivia. She put her arm around Matilda. "You're lovely, okay?"

Matilda was a bit surprised, but it was incredible hearing things like that. Her friends were always kind to her, but Matilda didn't really talk about the way she felt inside. "I think you're lovely too," she said shyly. "I'm sorry you… that you know how I feel."

Olivia hugged her more tightly. "Thank you. But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing. It's led me to where I am now and there's nowhere else I want to be,"

Matilda smiled. Behind her, she heard a car being parked. The door opened. Someone got out.

But these sounds weren't important. They were nothing to do with her and Olivia.

At least, that was what she thought until she heard the voice.


	100. Chapter 100

_So a few weeks after Chapter 100 of Butterfly comes Chapter 100 of We'll Meet Again! I don't think there will be a Chapter 200, but I think the story will hit 200,000 words. Thank you for all your encouragement, support, reviews, favourites and follows - you're the reason I'm still posting here._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Your guesses about who the voice is are good, but I'm not sure anyone could have guessed. I'm glad you liked Tom's introduction to the story. I love Sebastian, so I really wanted to include him in this story. I strongly dislike his dad though!

 **Tanith Panic** , it is a horrible situation for Max and Zoe, especially as confronting Ariana could cause more problems than it solves. I admired Amira when she looked after the little boy in the anniversary episode and I've kind of got an idea that the relationship started when Amira felt protective of David and decided to help him stand up for himself. Then she realised how amazing he was! I'm glad you aren't feeling too angry with Alicia. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , Alicia probably would be best off coming clean, though the timing wouldn't be great considering Sam has just been told his son could be a criminal! I hope you won't be disappointed by who the voice is. Rita could be on to something, though it might get her into more trouble. Thank you for your review.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like all the cliffhangers! I think I know where all the stories are going - I hope you'll enjoy them. I'm glad you're happy I've included Sebastian. He doesn't seem overly popular, but I really love him.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think most people would guess Dylan's password! Even little Dylan guessed and she never knew Dervla. I'm glad you like the way Rita, David and Amira are working together. I quite like knowing Rita has obviously been forgiven and everyone loves her again. Matilda has been through too much already, but I'm afraid there's more to come for her. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you liked the scene with Tom - he's not in this chapter, but he and Dylan are in the next two. He's not easy to write, but reading your comments has made me so glad I've included him. Matilda's getting a nice little family together - she's got a dad and a big sister so far! Whether Taylor will be a good mum is definitely questionable.

* * *

The voice was soft and menacing. " _Olivia_."

Olivia took a shaky breath and swung to face the speaker. "I'm sorry, Cameron, but you know the rules. You're not supposed to contact me. If you go away and leave us now, I'm prepared to let this go and not tell the police."

The man laughed. He was wearing dark glasses and a cap pulled down so low, Matilda couldn't tell from this angle what colour his hair was – or even if he had hair at all. "Maybe, if you stay and talk to me, you might find you don't want to tell the police."

Matilda trembled.

"I'm sorry, but we really have to go now," said Olivia.

"I don't think so!" His hand shot out and grabbed Olivia.

"Tilly, run!" shouted Olivia.

Matilda couldn't have run even if she'd wanted to.

Cameron held Olivia by the shoulders and shook her. "This is the way to treat stuck-up little snobs like you. You might think you're special, Olivia, but you're nothing. You just wait till you your record company drops you. Then you'll know." He shoved her away from him. She lost her balance and fell, striking her head on the pavement.

"Get up!" shouted Cameron.

Matilda dropped to her knees and felt for Olivia's pulse as she'd seen Dylan do.

"Get up!" Cameron kicked Olivia's leg, but she didn't react.

Matilda got out her phone and dialled 999, her hands shaking. "I need an ambulance, pl-"

She screamed as Cameron's foot made contact with her wrist. Her phone fell into the road with a clatter.

"You're going to regret that," said Cameron.

Matilda already did.

* * *

Ethan gently stroked Caleb's hand. "It's okay, Caleb. It's all over now. You sleep for as long as you need to and I'll be there when you wake up. I love you so much and I'm so proud of you."

He listened to Caleb's breathing for a moment, silently assessing his appearance and then checking the monitors.

"You must have been in so much pain," said Ethan sadly. "I'm so sorry you couldn't tell me. I'm sorry I didn't notice. I've been such a bad daddy. So wrapped up in my own problems, I didn't notice yours. I'm so sorry, Caleb. But it's going to be different now. I promise."

He kissed Caleb's forehead.

"There are some things I might not be able to do for much longer, but I'm still going to try to be the best daddy I can be. I'm going to be here when you need me. I'm going to listen to you – to the things you don't say as well as the things you do. I'm going to support you and encourage you and be proud of you at every moment."

Ethan stopped. Saying it to Caleb, even when he was asleep, was surprisingly easy, but he knew the next part wouldn't be.

"I might have to give up my job soon – not very soon, but probably in the next couple of years. And that means I'll be here a lot more. I'll be able to take you to school and bring you home – I probably won't be able to drive, but we can go in a taxi, in style. And if you need me during the day, I'll be there."

Ethan's eyes were filling. If only that was as bad as it was going to get. He'd probably be in a wheelchair by the time Caleb finished school. Every word would be an effort. Even telling his children he loved them.

Though he would never stop saying it.

"Even when I can't be a doctor anymore, I'll still have something very important to do," said Ethan. "More important than anything. I'm still going to be your dad."

* * *

"So, what's the plan?" asked Amira eagerly.

"I'll keep digging," said Rita. "See what I can find. In the meantime, there are still patients who need us, so maybe -"

She stopped as the sound of shouting filled the air.

"That's Louise," said Amira. Rita knew Amira and Louise had enjoyed sparring over the last… it must be twelve or thirteen years now.

Louise was yelling at Noel as Honey watched on helplessly. "I told you! It's up to Honey! It's nothing to do with you, Noel."

"Honey wanted to come in!" said Noel angrily. "She asked me to bring her. But did you think of that? Oh, no. Noel always has to be wrong."

Rita touched Louise's arm. "Okay. Let's calm down. Honey, is there anything we can do to help, sweetheart?"

Honey didn't look at her. "I need some tests," she mumbled. "I was…"

Noel whispered a word into Rita's ear.

Rita gasped and gave Honey a hug. "I'm so sorry, Honey. Come with me. We'll go to a cubicle, then we'll take it from there, okay?"

* * *

Sebastian told himself he wasn't nervous. Why would he be nervous? All he was doing was walking into a hospital. He'd walked into hundreds of hospitals. Besides, everyone who knew him had probably left.

It was also very unlikely his dad would be there. The old man must have retired years ago.

Sebastian walked towards the reception desk and was happy to see Noel wasn't there. He jumped the queue and smiled at the attractive young girl. Her name-badge said _Lana Coldwell_. "Hey, Lana. I'm a locum registrar." He tried to keep smiling. The fact he was still a registrar despite sitting FCEM eight times really hurt. "Dr Sebastian Grayling."

Lana smiled at him. "Hi, Dr Grayling. If you could just wait while I..." She stopped, looking over Sebastian's shoulder. "Dr Walker? This is another locum: Dr Grayling."

The woman smiled. "Thanks, Lana. Hi, I'm Zoe."

Zoe Walker… so far, so good. Sebastian hadn't met her before. "I'm Sebastian."

"Nice to meet you, Sebastian," said Zoe. "Follow me, please."

Sebastian fell into step beside her. "Are you the clinical lead?"

Zoe shook her head. "Not officially. I have been fulfilling the clinical lead role, but I'm actually a locum consultant. Dr Hardy is our clinical lead."

 _Ethan Hardy? They let him be clinical lead? Oh, great._

"But she… she's not working today," said Zoe.

 _She?_ thought Sebastian in great relief. _Not Ethan then. I'm safe._

"Grayling…" said Zoe thoughtfully. "Your name sounds familiar. I'm sure I've heard it before."

Sebastian would have been worried, but she was probably thinking of his dad. "So does yours. I used to know a porter called Walker." He felt safe saying that. Porters never stuck around for long and the consultants never knew their names anyway.

Zoe's face broke into a smile. "Oh, do you mean Max Walker? He's my husband."

 _Oh ****._

"He used to be a porter, but he works in computing now."

 _Thank God for that_ , thought Sebastian. Zoe would probably tell Max about him tonight, but he probably wouldn't be back tomorrow.

Zoe looked at him with interest. "You've worked here before then?"

"It was a _very_ long time ago," said Sebastian quickly. "So I'll need you to show me where everything is."

"If I can remember!" said Zoe. "It's not easy being a locum, is it?" They passed a small, blonde woman. "Hi, Rita. I can't stop now, but this is Dr Grayling, a locum registrar. Sebastian, meet Rita, our clinical nursing manager."

"Hi," said Sebastian, feeling very relieved.

If Rita was clinical nursing manager, then Jacob had gone too.

Things were definitely looking up.

* * *

Dylan K stood uneasily opposite Sam. He told himself the main reason he was uneasy was because he was concerned about Dylan. She was alone with Tom, who had never been one of Dylan K's favourite people. Of course, Tom had a background in paediatrics, but Dylan was unlikely to be like any child he'd ever met.

"Have you known Dylan long?" asked Sam.

"I was present at her birth, as I told you, but we didn't meet again until perhaps a couple of months ago."

"Do you think she's strong enough to handle this?"

"To an extent," said Dylan K. "She understands what she did wrong and she'll take full responsibility and do whatever is asked of her. But she says she doesn't want to be a doctor anymore."

Sam looked slightly sad. "That would be a shame – she has promise. I can't get over the fact that she managed to give Hazel IV medication. Though if the police get involved..."

Dylan K wasn't sure if that would have an effect or not. Dylan would have a police check before she started work in the hospital, but even if this was on her record, most hospitals would be more inclined to pay attention to what Dylan K was sure would be a glowing report from her medical school.

If she went to medical school.

"So... Luke's her boyfriend?" said Sam, after another awkward silence.

"He was," said Dylan K. "Luke's struggling to deal with the fact she gave his mother an overdose."

"Understandable," said Sam. "But if he really cares about her, I'm sure they can get through this."

 _You obviously didn't 'really care' about me then_ , thought Dylan K.

* * *

Jacob found Elle staring at the computer screen. "You okay?" he asked.

Elle turned to face him. "I don't know."

He sat opposite her. "What is it?"

"The admin is fine," said Elle. "I'm getting through it. There's still a lot I've got to do – I've cancelled Lily's meetings for the rest of the week so I can get properly up to speed, though most of them will need rescheduling. But things are looking better than they were."

Jacob nodded, his eyes on her face. "You look tired, Pancake."

"Yeah: working through the night will do that to you, especially at our age, Pudding."

"Come on," said Jacob. "What's really bothering you?"

Elle fiddled with some of the things on the desk. "I heard back from the CEO. She says she remembers me. She says she's glad Connie and Zoe are here to support me."

Jacob nodded understandingly. "So you think she knows what happened."

"It's not exactly something that can be kept secret, is it?" said Elle.

* * *

Lofty leaned against the reception desk, breathing hard. "Louise, are they here yet?"

"Not yet," said Louise shortly. She looked upset.

"Are you okay?" asked Lofty.

Louise sighed. "No, but I can't really talk about it. Let's just say my husband's an idiot."

"I'm sorry," said Lofty. "Robyn's husband is an idiot too."

Louise managed a small smile. "At least you can see where you've gone wrong."

Lofty smiled comfortingly. "So you're back on reception then?"

"I said I'd do it so Noel could stay home with Honey," said Louise. "But it hasn't worked out like that. And the computer system is so… Lana! One of those stupid windows has opened _again_!"

Lana calmly leaned over and pressed a single key. "There you go."

"Thanks," said Louise huffily.

Lofty guessed she hated struggling with a job she'd once been able to do with her eyes closed. He could understand that. He started to say something supportive, but Louise cut him off. She was looking over his shoulder.

"Is that Robyn?"


	101. Chapter 101

_If anyone tried to read the new chapter of Fractured yesterday and couldn't, the deleted chapter has now been rewritten and replaced._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Ethan and Caleb scenes. I think Ethan would be a brilliant dad! Poor Matilda and Olivia... they can't even go for a walk without me making it tough for them!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I think Sebastian could definitely be in for a few shocks later on! I don't want Robyn's storyline to be the same as Lily's, but there could be more stress coming up for Robyn and Lofty.

 **X-Sammii-X** , there's a clue about Cameron's identity in this chapter, but you will find out for sure later. Huntington's can make it difficult to see other people's points of view, so Ethan might not always be this loving. I think Dylan K might still care about Sam. Thank you for your review and the congratulations.

 **Tanith Panic** , it really must be really humiliating for Louise to struggle with her old job! Lofty has been an idiot, but I'm glad you still think he's kind. You will find out for sure about Honey fairly soon. Matilda and Olivia are certainly in a dangerous situation - Cal won't be happy! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , there's more Tom in this chapter - I hope it's okay. I'm really glad you liked the Dylan K and Sam conversation - there should be a couple more scenes between them. Although I haven't seen much of them together. I get the impression a few things were left unsaid. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **AnonymousCandyCane** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Robyn lay on the trolley, her face pale. Lofty took her hand. He tried to speak, but the guilt seemed to be crushing his throat.

He'd known Robyn was struggling. But he'd told himself she'd be okay for one more day…

"Riley," whispered Robyn.

Lofty saw another trolley behind her. "I'll go to him. But I love you, Robyn. And I'm really sorry."

"What for?" he heard Robyn say, but there was no time to answer her.

Riley was in good hands. None other than Connie Masters was walking alongside the trolley, listening to Jez. Lofty moved his hand slowly towards Riley's, giving Jez the chance to object if there was any injury to that hand. Jez gave him a quick smile but said nothing, so Lofty took Riley's hand in his and made eye contact with his son.

Riley's breathing instantly calmed a little, though it was still shallow and noisy. The pain he was likely to be in and the resulting fear could explain the issues with his breathing. Lofty really hoped that was all it was, but he found he couldn't think as a nurse anymore. He couldn't assess Riley's condition. All he could do was feel terrified – and try not to show it.

 _Is this how Ethan feels?_ wondered Lofty. A sick child and a wife who could be losing her baby. Ethan had been distraught, of course, but he'd just about held it together when it mattered.

Lofty could only hope he would too.

* * *

"I keep going over and over it," said Elle. "I keep looking for whatever it was that made that situation different. But as far as I can see, it was a completely normal situation I'd dealt with a hundred times before."

"And if you had to deal with it again," said Jacob, "I'm sure you would."

Elle shook her head sadly. "I'd like to believe that, Jacob. But I couldn't even cope with a simple problem in cubicles today."

Jacob took Elle's hands in his. "You need to get some sleep. You've been up all night and all this worrying isn't going to help."

"But someone's got to do all this admin," said Elle. "Lily can't do it. Ethan and Cal have enough on their plates. And even if Dylan is prepared to do it, who knows when he'll be back?"

Jacob spoke calmly. "Zoe can do it."

"Zoe?" Elle had to laugh. "Zoe's practically working a triple shift. She must be dead on her feet. She's the one you should be telling to go home, Jacob. Not me."

"And I will tell her," said Jacob. "But for now, I'm here with you and I'm telling you, Elle, you're pushing yourself too hard."

"I need to," said Elle. "I know I'm a liability, Jacob. That's why I left."

"Elle, you made one mistake! A mistake we all could have made. But that wasn't what ruined your career."

Elle felt a stab of hurt. It took all her courage to meet Jacob's eyes. "You're right. I'm the one who ruined it."

* * *

Olivia groaned and opened her eyes. "Matilda?"

Matilda wiped her eyes and took Olivia's hand. "It's okay, Olivia. I've called for an ambulance. It should be here soon."

"Cameron…" moaned Olivia.

"He's gone," said Matilda, trying not to cry anymore. Her wrist hurt and she was terrified, but she knew she had to be brave. "TIt's going to be fine. Can you tell me where it hurts?"

"Head… shoulder…"

"You should try to keep still," said Matilda. She looked at the phone lying in her lap and thought again of calling Cal. He'd know what to do.

But she could get him into more trouble.

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "Sorry, Tilly."

"It's not your fault!" said Matilda. "Lots of famous people have stalkers. I know it's horrible, but it's not your fault."

"It is-" Olivia broke off as a siren was heard.

* * *

Alicia stopped beside the police car and tried to wipe her nose on the sodden mess remaining of the tissue a concerned passenger on the bus had given her. She'd cried all the way home and she didn't know how she was going to face Sam.

Should she tell him? Not tell him?

She had no idea.

Louis had been lovely about everything and had said he was there if she needed a friend, but Alicia knew she wouldn't call him. She couldn't. Kind as he'd been, she didn't ever want to see him again.

The last thing she needed was to discover Sam's car parked in the drive.

Alicia considered getting into her own car and driving off, but Sam would probably hear the engine. Besides, if he was home at this sort of time, something was obviously wrong. She wiped her face on her sleeve and slowly walked towards the house. She couldn't avoid him for ever.

Besides, if she did leave, where would she go?

As she let herself in, she became aware of voices coming from the living room, but it wasn't until Sam came out and told her the police were there that she made the connection between Sam's unexpected return home and the police car outside their house.

* * *

Tom set up the table over Dylan's bed and placed a laptop on top of it. "How's that? I'll adjust the table a little bit. Is that okay?"

"It's fine, thank you," said Dylan, her face expressionless, but Tom's instincts told him that behind her mask of calm and maturity, she was unhappy and afraid. He looked at her for a moment, wondering whether she was ready to handle this, but he had a feeling Dylan would probably prefer to get it done as soon as possible.

Tom watched as Dylan switched the computer on without being shown how and opened up a document. "There's no hurry with this, Dylan. It would help if you got it done today, but you should take as many breaks as you need."

Dylan nodded. "I'll make sure it's done today. What would you like me to write? I thought perhaps a chronological account of what happened, together with a brief explanation of my thought processes and approximate timings?"

"That's… exactly right," said Tom.

"Okay. I'll get started then," said Dylan. Her face was pale but determined.

"I'll be checking on you regularly, so if you have any questions, you can always ask," said Tom.

"I will," said Dylan. "Thank you for being so kind, Dr Kent." She smiled at him: a professional but grateful and very respectful smile. "I appreciate it."

* * *

It was all a lot easier than Cal had feared. Once Cal had explained to one of the psychiatrists that Taylor might have stolen a file from the ED, he'd at once agreed to check Taylor's belongings.

"It will have been done already to check for sharp implements and any kind of drugs. Theoretically, a patient's file would have been recognised and returned to the ED. But it's possible the person who made the check didn't realise what it was, so I'll double-check for you."

The doctor went to find Taylor's belongings, but came back with the news there was nothing in there that didn't appear to belong to Taylor.

"Is there anywhere else it might be?" asked Cal.

"If it's not back in the ED, it's possible it's still in the office – we might not have had the chance to send it over yet." But this search too proved fruitless and after checking Taylor's notes, the psychiatrist revealed that Taylor had brought nothing untoward onto the ward with her.

Cal didn't know what to think. Everything suggested Taylor had told the truth for once – and she'd been correct when she'd said it would be almost impossible for her to steal anything. Her presence anywhere near the files would undoubtedly have raised comment.

He entered the ED and went to seek out a trustworthy nurse. "David, one of my patients' files has gone missing. I don't suppose you have any idea where it might be?"

It was a risk. Cal wasn't wearing his scrub top and he never wore blue jeans for work. But there was a good chance David wouldn't question it.

David lowered his gaze. "I, um, what name, Cal?"

"Meadowes."

A look of guilt crossed David's face. "I… no, I don't know, Cal."

Cal leaned on the desk so their faces were level. "I think you can do a bit better than that."

* * *

Iain paced up and down outside Resus. He had to admit, he'd expected to find something a lot worse than Rita simply doing her job, but he couldn't relax. Rita was a dedicated nurse and if her help was needed, she would give all that was required and more, but Iain knew that wasn't why she was here.

Iain wasn't expecting her to be out for a while, so he was surprised when Rita said a few words to the nurses helping her and left Resus.

But this made it worse. The fact she couldn't even do her job to her normal ability showed the level of her obsession.

Rita was so deep in thought, she didn't see Iain until she'd almost walked into him. She stopped and stared, suspicion flooding her face. "What are you doing here,?"

"That was actually what I was going to ask you," said Iain.

"I'm doing my job," said Rita simply.

Iain shook his head. "Walking off and leaving your patient is not doing your job."

Rita hesitated before answering. "My patient no longer needs treatment, but her little boy is still being treated. Connie agreed she could stay."

"Okay, so where are you going now?" said Iain.

"I don't have to explain myself to you!" snapped Rita.

Iain felt himself draw back slightly. "No. Of course you don't, Rita. But I love you and I'm really worried. I got a text last night, though I didn't see it till this morning. It's from Dylan Wilkinson-Brae."

Rita looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. "She told you about those texts I sent?"

Iain was consumed with sadness. He'd wanted so much for Dylan to be wrong.


	102. Chapter 102

**InfinityAndOne** , thank you for the review and the congratulations - 100 chapters feels like a lot! Olivia and Matilda certainly are safer now the emergency services are here, but they'll both be injured and scared, so the story isn't over. Lofty will have to be strong. He can probably do it, but he struggled to deal with his last big mistake/

 **Tanith Panic** , married couples can be so bad at talking to each other! I think maybe it's partly that Lofty and Robyn are used to knowing things without speaking, Lofty forgets to look other signs and Robyn thinks she doesn't need to speak out. But a couple of the people you mentioned might be about to speak out... thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , there is still time for Dylan to change her mind, luckily. No, it's not bad at all to want Cal to be there for Matilda - he's the person who would comfort her the most. He won't see Matilda arriving, but he's there now and she'll be there for a while so a meeting is definitely possible! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think helping Ethan has only made Lofty even more inclined to fear the worst. You could be right about Olivia. The police will tell Alicia why they're here in this chapter, but it's nothing exciting - it was mentioned before, but those scenes were posted weeks ago, so everyone's probably forgotten.

* * *

"Dylan didn't mention any texts," said Iain. "She just said she was concerned about you." He paused. "What texts, Rita?"

Rita didn't reply. _How could I have been so stupid?_ If she hadn't mentioned the texts, she could have said Dylan was worried about nothing. Iain might not have believed her, but he couldn't possibly have guessed about the texts.

And now she'd given herself away.

She felt Iain taking her hands. "Come on, Rita. I love you and I want to help."

"But you won't," said Rita bitterly. "You'll just tell me I'm getting obsessed. But there are kids getting hurt!"

"And that's really awful and I love you for wanting to help them," said Iain. "But what you mustn't do, Rita, is get yourself into trouble too. I don't know what texts you were sending and I know you meant no harm. But the fact is you texted a fifteen-year-old child and worried her. If the police find out, it won't look good."

Rita looked away. He was right... so perhaps she should tell him. But could she really trust him?

Of course she could. This was _Iain_.

She began: "At first, I thought someone from the hospital was responsible, so I wanted to know who the kids were close to. Lottie said she was close to Louise and to be honest, I could imagine Louise getting in a mood and wanting to discredit the hospital. But she and Lottie haven't known each other for that long. Louise was involved in Lottie's birth, but they only met again recently. Same with Matilda and Cal, and the Dylans. Ariana has obviously known Zoe and Max for longer, but there's no way they'd try to discredit the hospital."

"So that idea's a non-starter." Iain looked relieved.

"But it still really worried me," said Rita. "And then I realised something else. The kids that are mainly being targeted have a connection to this hospital. The posts about the hospital make the hospital look bad and the posts about the kids would upset people in the hospital. Maybe the hospital is the real target."

* * *

"Straight through to Resus, please," said Connie calmly. "Lofty, you know the rules. You get in the way, you're out. In case you didn't hear, Riley pulled a bookcase on top of him. He doesn't think he was KO'd, but there is a wound to the back of the head. Medial dislocation to the right knee with pulses present in foot; query fractured ribs."

"Thank you," said Lofty. Some would have taken her calm, unemotional recital as a sign she didn't care. Lofty could tell she was at her most focused – and that was exactly how he needed her to be. He said a few more words to Riley before asking: "How's Robyn?"

"Robyn fainted," said Jez. "It's probably a normal pregnancy thing, but we thought it was worth checking up on iron, blood sugar and anything else Zoe thinks of. She was sitting on the floor so she didn't fall."

Lofty gave Jez a smile of relief and gratitude before returning his attention to Riley. "Nearly there now, Riley. You're being really brave – I've seen lots of grown-up men who aren't as brave as you."

* * *

It seemed like a long time before the ambulance came into view. Matilda stood up and waved just to make sure they could see her, but they were already slowing down. A man and a woman jumped out of the vehicle. Matilda didn't recognise them. She was glad Dixie wasn't working today as it would have been a horrible shock for her, but she wished it had been Jez and Rocker.

"Hi, are you Matilda?" said the woman. "My name's Tamzin and this is Norman."

"I'm Matilda and this is Olivia," said Matilda in a trembling voice. "A man got out of his car and shouted at us. He's stalking Olivia. He shook her and pushed her over and she hit her head. She's been unconscious since I called you. I tried talking to her and tapping her shoulders like Dylan does – she's my friend who does first aid – but she's not answering. When I first tried to call, Cameron kicked my phone out of my hand and it hurt my wrist. I think it's about six on a scale of one to ten."

Tamzin knelt down beside her. "Good thing you were here. It sounds like you know what you're doing! Would you mind showing me your wrist?"

* * *

Tom heard Dylan's steady voice and met her calm gaze. He knew now why Sam had been so impressed and why Dylan K thought so highly of her. She looked older than fifteen, though he felt her appearance was partly influenced by her personality.

If Tom hadn't known, he'd have assumed she was a medical student – though most medical students wouldn't have done nearly such a good job of administering the medication. "Dylan. For what it's worth, I do wish there was some way around this. But I don't think this will necessarily affect your future. You have a lot of promise and if I'm still here when you graduate, you'll be welcome to spend part of your rotation here."

Dylan smiled sadly. "Thank you so much, Dr Kent, but you shouldn't take the risk. There will be more reliable doctors than me."

Tom hesitated for a moment as a memory came to him. It wasn't something he'd share with every patient, but Dylan was different from most. "I once worked with an F1 who did the same as you. Only he tore out the cannula and then claimed it wasn't him. He still has a career, if not a stellar one. You already have so much more potential – not only in terms of competence but courage, maturity, integrity… don't let it go to waste, Dylan. Of course, medical school is four years away and you might be equally gifted in other subjects, but if being a doctor is what you want, you shouldn't let one lapse of judgement hold you back. We all have them. Even the consultants."

* * *

"Come home with me," said Max.

Zoe wished she could. To be held in Max's arms and to hold him in return. Zoe didn't believe for a moment that Ariana was responsible for the facebook page, but she'd hacked into the hospital records and she was sure the police would discover that.

"You need to sleep," said Max.

It felt like Zoe had been here for a week, but she wanted to get the latest lot of locums safely settled in before she left. "One of the locums… he said he knew you."

"What was his name?" Max asked without much interest.

Zoe tried to remember, but she was so tired. "I'll ask him again and let you know."

Max looked deeply into her eyes. "Just take care of yourself, Zoe, okay? And don't stay here for more than an hour."

"You know the ED doesn't work like that," said Zoe.

"And neither do you," said Max. "You can't keep going forever."

Zoe wasn't honestly sure she could keep going for another minute. "If you hear anything from the police or from Ariana, you'll call me, won't you?"

"Of course," said Max at once.

"I'll see you later." Zoe kissed him, holding him close to her for a moment longer than she normally would. "I love you."

"I love you too, Zoe. And we'll get through this. I promise."

* * *

Sam gave Alicia a hug and she immediately started crying again. Sam had needed her and she'd been with another man. It was the first time she'd ever cheated on him, but it was one time too many.

"I'm sorry about Lily and Cal," said Sam. "Why don't you have a quick word with the police, then go to bed?"

"No, you need me," sniffled Alicia. "I'll stay with you."

Sam nodded. "I do need you. But you need me too. I'm sorry I didn't come and see you when you asked me to." He kissed her forehead. "I'll just be a minute." He went back into the living room. "I'm sorry. My wife's very upset. Could we have a few minutes, please?"

Alicia was vaguely aware of two policemen leaving the living room and felt terrible for throwing them out, but she couldn't find the words to tell them they could stay. She felt Sam helping her to the sofa and holding her tightly, which made her feel even worse, but even more determined to support him through whatever had happened now.

At last, she managed to stop crying. There were more tears to come, but they would have to wait. Alicia blew her nose on the tissue Sam handed her and asked him to let the police back in.

"I'm so sorry," she said as they came back into the room. "I'm fine now. Please tell me what's happened and I'll help in any way I can." She listened as they explained about their concerns that Charlie had been accessing hospital records and shook her head. "He wouldn't do that. Would he, Sam? He's good with computers, but he's not _that_ good - and he just wouldn't do it."

Sam nodded. "Exactly what I said. I'm really sorry we can't help you, but I know Charlie wouldn't do this."

And Alicia knew instantly, without a doubt, that he was lying.

* * *

Ella kept her eyes on Ash's face, trying not to hear the slowing of his heartbeat; trying not to look at the monitor to see if there were other signs of deterioration too.

Connor had taken her hand in his and Ella was gripping it so tightly, she knew it must be hurting him, but he made no complaint. His other hand was on her shoulder, his own grip not painful but firm.

"You're going to be all right, Dad," said Ella. "You're going to be fine. You're going to get through this and I'll be there for you. Properly."

There was no reaction from Ash. Ella scanned his face in desperate hopes of the smallest twitch; listening closely for any sounds he might make. But there was nothing. Completely nothing.

And then a new sound filled the air. A warning.

Oxygen saturation was dropping.

Ella turned to Connor. "What do we do?"

"Can we have some help over here, please?" Connor said calmly.

As help arrived, he pulled her into his arms and held her tight.


	103. Chapter 103

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I actually haven't decided what I'm going to do with Ash yet! I need to decide soon as it's been going on for about 50 chapters. Wrist injuries can be nasty, but even if Matilda's is just bruised, it must be a really upsetting experience. We all love a bit of Zax!

 **Applealice10** , it is possible Tom will be the one to get through to Dylan. He's seen her at her worst and he still thinks highly of her. I watched one of Tom's episodes a couple of days ago - he was kind and very likeable but he has an impressive air of authority. He's a great character and he'd be a really good addition to the cast if he came back. Matilda really needs Cal - and she really needs her doctor to realise that. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you felt Connie handled Lofty well - she wouldn't speak like that to most relatives, but she knows what it's like to be a medical professional with an injured child. I don't think Tom would have told Dylan the story if it hadn't had a happy ending in case she guessed! I'm trying to get Zoe and Max working more as a team now after all the arguments in the early chapters. I really hope Cal will find out how well Matilda did. He'd be so proud.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Rita and Iain are the only couple who have been in the story from the start without having marital problems - they've had disagreements, but I don't think their love has ever wavered. It will be a shock when Cal finds out about Tilly. I'm so glad you like the twists. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Connor knew he had to keep calm. It was horrible for him, but it was so much worse for Ella.

"Let me see him!" shouted Ella, struggling to break free of Connor's grasp. Her fists pounded Connor's chest, but he didn't feel it.

"Ella, they'll let us back in in a minute," said Connor. "But I need you to be calm, okay?"

"How am I supposed to be calm when my dad might be dying?" screamed Ella.

"Ella, you have every reason not to be calm, but they can't let you back inside if you're this upset. If you want to be with him, you'll have to pretend to be calm – and I know that's a lot to ask of anybody. But they have rules to follow and that's your only chance of being with your dad."

Ella collapsed against him. "But what if they do the wrong thing?"

Connor held her more tightly. "They know what they're doing, Ella. I promise."

"But he's just another patient to them," wept Ella.

Connor shook his head. "No-one is just another patient, Ella. They're all important. And right now, your dad the most important patient they've got because he needs them more than any other. They're doing everything they can. I know they are. But he doesn't just need them. When you're ready, he's going to need you too."

* * *

"I should probably check on Dylan," said Dylan K.

He looked at Luke, but he gave no sign of hearing.

"Is that okay, Luke?"

Luke nodded, his eyes still on Hazel.

"But I'll come back as soon as I've spoken to her."

Luke nodded again.

"Right. Well." Dylan K turned and walked out of the room, only to stop when Sam called him back.

"I need to go soon," she said, not meeting his eye. "My shift is over."

She didn't look tired. She didn't look twenty years older either.

Sam looked at the floor. "Dylan, has there been... anyone… since me?"

"Leaving aside the question of whether it's anything to do with you, no. There hasn't."

"Do you still… think of me?"

Dylan K sighed. "It would be a bit difficult to forget your existence entirely, though there was a short time when I tried."

Sam took a step towards him. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I don't imagine for a moment that you did. Given the choice between hurting me and hurting both yourself and Tom, there was only one sensible solution."

"You are a good man, Dylan."

"Out of interest, why are we having this conversation? To make me feel better or to make yourself feel better?"

Sam looked taken-aback. "I…"

"Let's make this a bit easier. There's nothing wrong with divorcing me and marrying someone else, so you shouldn't feel guilty. As for making me feel better, you've done that already. I'm much better single than I ever was married."

"Do you really mean that?" Sam looked stunned.

"Of course I really mean it. If you think I've been spending the last twenty years pining for you, I can only say you're wrong."

Sam flinched slightly. "Well, that's me told. I'm going home then. It was… nice meeting you again." She walked off.

"Sam, I didn't mean-" Dylan K stopped. He couldn't worry about Sam now. His priority was Dylan.

She was sitting up in bed, the computer table pushed to one side. "Hey, Dylan. I've finished my report."

"Now, why doesn't that surprise me?"

Dylan's eyes widened. "Dylan? What's wrong?"

* * *

Grace smiled at her departing client. "I'll see you next week." To her own ears, her voice sounded slow and disjointed, but perhaps that was her imagination. "Goodbye."

She closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. Her head was pounding and her side was aching too. She walked back towards her chair, giving in to the limp she'd struggled to hide when seeing her client to her door.

She had bad days quite often. She knew she always would. She was extremely lucky she'd been able to go to university and work full-time. At first, her pride in what she was doing had been enough, but more recently, there had been another reason: Connor Christie. Even the thought of his smiling face and his arms around her had been enough to make any pain bearable.

But now she'd driven him away in the same way that she drove everyone away.

 _No! I won't think of Connor. He's in the past._

She collapsed into her chair and pulled her painkillers from her drawer. She swallowed a tablet, knowing it was unlikely to do more than take the edge off the pain.

 _But what does that matter? There are people living with worse pain than this every day. Why should I let this beat me?_

* * *

David closed the staff room door and turned to face Cal. "The local high school has a facebook gossip page. It's supposed to be about the students, but recently, there's been a lot about the hospital. Rita's reported to the police, but she's doing some investigating of her own too. She's looking at various files and trying to make connections."

Cal stared at David, trying to make sense of what he was saying. "They've been gossiping about _Matilda_?"

"I haven't actually seen the site, but yes," said David.

Cal tried to speak calmly, but it wasn't easy. "So Rita's taken Matilda's file?"

A surprised look came to David's face. "No. Not _Matilda's_ file. Matilda's parents'."

"Matilda's adoptive parents, you mean?" said Cal. "The Meadowes'?"

"I didn't realise Matilda was adopted, but yes," said David. He looked at Cal curiously. "Is that a problem?"

"Personally, I think the more the Meadowes' are investigated, the better," said Cal. "They never should have been allowed to adopt a child! But you're saying Rita didn't take Matilda's file?"

"I don't think so," said David. "Are you saying _Matilda's_ file is missing?"

Cal nodded. "At first I thought Matilda's biological mother, Taylor, took it, but she's been transferred to the psych ward and no files were found in her possession. But if Taylor hasn't taken it and Rita hasn't taken it, where is it?"

* * *

Dixie knew it would be one of the boys calling. They said they'd call when they were ten minutes from Holby so she could go and meet the train. She answered the phone without looking at it. "Hi, love."

"Dixie, this is Tamzin Bayle."

Talk about a blast from the past. Dixie had wanted to stay in touch to keep Jeff alive in the minds of the two women who loved him, but Tamzin had wanted to cut all ties.

Dixie tried to keep the shock out of her voice. "Hi, Tamzin. Nice to hear from you."

"Dixie, I'm sorry, but this isn't a social call."

"Is it the boys? Did the train crash?"

"I'm afraid it's Olivia and Matilda," said Tamzin. "They were accosted by one of Olivia's fans. They're both awake and talking and seem physically fine, but Olivia hit her head and Matilda has a bruised wrist so we're taking them to the ED as a precaution. We're going to Holby at Matilda's request. I just wanted to let you know so you could be with them as soon as possible. I'm sorry to give you such worrying news."

"No, you did the right thing," said Dixie, trying to keep her voice steady. "Thank you, Tamzin. I really appreciate it. I hope we can catch up soon."

To her surprise, Tamzin said: "I'd like that."

* * *

Noel had always been slightly annoyed with people who paced the waiting room. As for the ones who constantly accosted the reception staff, they were even worse. But now he was beginning to understand how it felt.

He wished Honey hadn't sent him away. It was understandable that she was ashamed, and natural that she'd want to be with female staff, but he was her dad and she _needed_ him.

Louise had spouted some more rubbish about how it was Honey's decision, but Honey was in no state to know what she needed. She might feel like it was her fault; that she didn't deserve Noel's support.

He walked up to the reception desk. "Have you heard any news?"

"Noel, I told you!" said Louise. "If I hear anything about Honey, I'll let you know straight away."

"But you must know where she is!" said Noel, waving his hand towards the computer. "Look up her cubicle number."

Louise sighed. "Noel, go back and sit down, okay? I _said_ I'd let you know."

"She's a bit OTT, isn't she?" he heard one person in the waiting room say to another.

Frustrated as Noel was with Louise, he couldn't have that. "Louise is my wife and the reason why she's working on reception is because she offered to take my shift so I could support my daughter, even though Louise is a senior nurse and hasn't worked on reception for fifteen years. And the reason why she's a bit snappy with me is because I asked her to break the rules. So save your criticism for someone you actually know, okay?"

* * *

It felt odd being here without supervision. Zoe had stayed with Sebastian for his first patient, but she seemed satisfied he knew what he was doing. So Sebastian faced his second patient alone: Matilda, fifteen, suffering from a bruised wrist and mental distress.

She'd seemed remarkably calm and articulate when she'd been brought in and was offering reassurance to a friend on a trolley (to Sebastian's relief, he'd never seen the paramedics before in his life), but since then, Matilda had dissolved into tears and Sebastian couldn't get anything out of her at all.

"Okay, let's leave the questions for now," said Sebastian. The paramedic had given him the necessary medical information and everything else would be in her file. He turned to the nurse, whose name he'd already forgotten. "Can you stay with Matilda for two minutes while I grab her file? Thanks."

He went to the nurse's station, looking out anxiously for past acquaintances as he went. He knew Charlie wouldn't be here: he'd be about a hundred if he was still alive. Duffy had probably retired too. David and Robyn were still of working age, but he'd seen no sign of them so far.

The files were where he expected them to be. Sebastian went to the M section and started searching.

Matilda's file wasn't there.

He looked again, then checked on the computer. Everything was there, including her next of kin.

Sebastian got out his phone. "Mrs Meadowes? My name is Dr Sebastian Grayling. I'm calling from Holby City Hospital. I don't want you to panic or anything, but your daughter Matilda is here. She's not seriously hurt, but she's very distressed and I'm sure she'd like to see you."


	104. Chapter 104

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm glad I added Connor to this story. It would have been awful if Ella was all alone. I love Noel and Louise's friendship on TV - they've always got each other's back. I'm sure they will get together eventually! Sebastian has rung Matilda's adoptive parents, who might be worse than Taylor! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , if Dylan always said the right thing, we probably wouldn't love him nearly as much. I think Noel and Louise will be great together - I actually thought they were a couple when I first started watching. Always fighting but always looking out for each other. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I love Sebastian and I had to include him. I could imagine him trying really hard to do the right thing and avoid trouble, and then end up causing a major crisis. Though maybe he can get out of it! Cal will see Tilly fairly soon. I hope you'll like the continuation of the Dylans' conversation.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It's possible Matilda's adoptive parents won't turn up - they've probably been told not to have contact with her. I'm glad you liked the Sam and Dylan K scene. She did seem fond of him, if not in love with him, in their goodbye scene. Yes, Grace is struggling because of her injuries from the accident.

 **InfinityAndOne** , that's a really good point - and it's given me an idea too, so thank you! I think Sebastian impulsively decided to call the number while he had it in front of him - he's not that great at thinking things through, though even if Matilda had told him what was going on, he might not have believed her. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Hi, Matilda. How are you doing now?" asked Sebastian as he re-entered the cubicle.

"I'm okay, thank you," said Matilda with a sniff.

She did look calmer now. Sebastian smiled in relief and moved closer to the bed. "I wasn't able to find your file, but it's obviously all online as well so I checked out everything I need to. It says you're not on any medication and you don't have any allergies, so I don't need to worry about that. We'll just send you for an x-ray, which I'm expecting to come out clear, then I'll bandage you up and prescribe you some medication."

"Okay. Thank you, Dr Grayling." Matilda gave him a shaky smile.

"Oh, and obviously – sorry: I really should have told you this first – your next of kin details were in your file too," said Sebastian. "So I called your mum and she's on her way to see you now."

Matilda's eyes widened. She sat deathly still, the colour draining from her face.

"Matilda?" said Sebastian anxiously. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," whispered Matilda as she began to tremble. "It was scary, what happened. That's all."

* * *

Robyn felt awful when she saw the anxiety on Lofty's face. She'd been trying so hard not to worry him and now she'd only landed herself in hospital.

She held out her hands and Lofty took them in his. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine," said Robyn. "They don't think the fainting is anything to worry about in itself. They were pretty thorough about checking everything – they considered postural tachycardia syndrome – but the only possible explanation that seemed likely was dehydration-related orthostatic hypotension."

Lofty looked at her closely as though he could tell there was more. "Was that all they said?"

"They said my blood pressure was a bit high," admitted Robyn. "Apart from the OS episode, obviously – you see: I haven't quite forgotten everything! But I often do have high blood pressure when I'm pregnant and probably when I'm not pregnant, considering my weight, so I'm fine."

Deep sadness filled Lofty's face. "Robyn, I'm so sorry."

 _Why is he sorry? I've just told him I'm fine. So why would he…_

She gripped Lofty's hands. "You mean… Riley? What… what's happened?"

"No! I'm so sorry Robyn. Riley's fine. He's with Jacob and they're having a great time talking about cars." Lofty bit his lip. "I meant I'm sorry for what I did."

Robyn looked at him in confusion. "You haven't done anything!" The thought of an affair entered her mind, but that was so impossible, she almost laughed. Not that she'd ever have blamed Lofty for looking elsewhere. She wasn't exactly slim even on the rare occasions when she wasn't pregnant. But she knew he never would.

"That's exactly what I've done," said Lofty. "Nothing. I've been so inconsiderate. Going off and working and leaving you to care for the babies on your own. You're a wonderful mother, Robyn, but anyone would struggle to deal with five kids under five – and you're pregnant! I've been expecting you to be Superwoman, which you are as far as I'm concerned, but not even Superwoman could cope with what you're having to do. I thought I was doing the right thing by working hard and ensuring we had the money to keep our kids happy and comfortable, but it was _me_ you needed."

* * *

"I don't know why you'd think there's anything wrong," said Dylan K.

Dylan patted the edge of her bed. "Sit down, Dylan. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but it might help. Is it to do with Dr Nicholls?"

Dylan K looked almost spooked. "How did you know that? Has she said anything to you?"

"Nothing," said Dylan. "But you obviously know her and I get the impression you don't much like Dr Kent. Dylan, I know it's not my business, but were you and Dr Nicholls married?"

"I… yes." Dylan K sat down abruptly on the bed. "We were married. I worked in a hospital. She was in the army. She had an affair with Iain Dean. Alfie's dad. Before he met Rita."

Dylan was saddened but not shocked. So many marriages were ended by affairs.

"We separated and I got the job at Holby," said Dylan K. "Then she started work there too. We kept our marriage a secret, but then there was a fire in the hospital and they called my next-of-kin – little dreaming it was Sam."

Dylan took his hand. He looked a bit surprised, but he didn't pull away.

"I hoped we'd get back together after that, but Sam wanted Tom, not me. So I left the ED. I daresay it seems stupid, but I couldn't stay there."

Dylan squeezed his hand. "Of course it isn't stupid, Dylan. It was what you needed to do and what many people would need to do. I'm glad you came back though."

"So am I," aid Dylan K.

* * *

 _Sam knows_ , thought Alicia. _Charlie did hack into the hospital records and Sam knows it. And now he's trying to protect him._

The policeman looked sympathetic. "I can see why you don't want to believe Charlie capable of this, but the fact is, we've traced the IP addresses used to access the system. And one of them is Charlie's computer."

"You don't know that," said Sam. "It could be from any computer in this house."

"We can be a bit more specific than that now, Mr Bateman. We know the site was accessed from the computer that's in Charlie's name. I'm very sorry, but there's no getting around it."

Sam looked at Alicia, panic in his eyes.

And Alicia knew what she had to do. "Oh! I'm so sorry. I used Charlie's computer a few days ago. I wanted to access the records from home, but I'd left my laptop at work and my tablet had a virus."

Sam was nodding. It was true about the virus and she'd used his computer on a few occasions.

"I suppose you must have been out," said Alicia. "So I asked Charlie."

The policeman looked at her. It felt as though he was trying to see into her mind. "How many times did you use Charlie's computer, Dr Bateman?"

"A few times," said Alicia. "Though I don't think…" She cast her mind back, trying to remember the policeman's exact words. "No, I'm almost sure I only looked once."

The policeman nodded. "The records were accessed only once from Charlie's computer. And you're sure that was you, Dr Bateman?"

"That was me," said Alicia.

* * *

Dixie hugged Olivia tightly in her arms. She had wavered over who she should go to first – her actual daughter (well, stepdaughter, but still very much a real daughter) or her foster daughter, but she'd finally decided on Olivia, as she was more seriously hurt and apparently the focus of the attack.

"Is Mum here?" asked Olivia, holding on tightly.

"She's gone to pick up the boys," said Dixie. "She wanted to come, lovely, but Matilda's known me for longer."

"How is Matilda?" whispered Olivia.

"She's okay, I think," said Dixie. "I wanted to see you first."

Olivia's voice was muffled by Dixie's shoulder. "It's my fault, Dixie. It's all my fault."

* * *

Rita didn't know if she was glad or annoyed to discover David had told Cal everything. Cal couldn't always be relied on to do the right thing, but it was good to have one more person on her side.

"I found out something else," she said. "I went and spoke to Noel to ask if anyone called Andrews had ever worked in the hospital – it might be Jez, but he hasn't got any kids. Noel said there was a nurse called Linda Andrews who worked here. Lottie's mother is Sarah, not Linda, but perhaps their husbands are brothers."

"Is there anything on the system?" asked Cal.

Rita shook her head. "Not as far as I can see, but Noel says Robyn's still in touch with Linda and Robyn's been brought in as a patient, so I thought I'd ask her."

The three men looked at her in shock.

"Robyn's a _patient_?" said Cal.

"You can't just barge in on a patient!" exclaimed Iain.

"Is she okay?" asked David.

"Robyn's fine," said Rita. "She fainted and she was admitted as a precaution. So I'm going to talk to her now."

* * *

When Max arrived home, he gratefully collapsed onto the sofa and closed his eyes. He would nap for an hour, then he would check up on Zoe; make sure she really had left the ED.

It had been a long night and Max didn't doubt there were more long days and nights to come.

Especially if the police found out what Ariana had done.

Max believed she was innocent. Ariana would have little interest in setting up a gossip site as she was primarily interested in herself. When she could see for herself that one of her friends was upset, she was always there for them, 100%. She was very caring and a good listener. If she'd promised to do something for a friend, she almost always did it – which was more than a lot of people could say.

But when Ariana was alone, the same thoughts always took hold: that she wasn't good enough. And those thoughts were so powerful, she didn't think of her friends again until she was reminded of them. She would never be able to concentrate long enough to seek out the gossip and then put it on the site. And she would certainly never write the kinds of things that were appearing on the facebook page.

Or so Max wanted to believe.

He sighed and closed his eyes. Tired as he was, he didn't think he'd be able to get any sleep anytime soon, but he was wrong about that as he suddenly found himself starting awake.

His phone was ringing.

He looked at the display. A chill of fear went over him.

Ariana's school.


	105. Chapter 105

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I've only seen a couple of Linda's episodes (when I was getting to know Tom and Sam), but I liked her and I had to include her after finding out her surname. I'm glad you liked Dylan reassuring Dylan K. I don't know how she gets away with it, but I'm glad it's convincing that she does!

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad Lofty's realised too. I felt a bit guilty for making him get it wrong for so long! I think Robyn and Lofty both lost their way a bit, but luckily, they didn't lose each other. Dylan K does trust Dylan, but she's also someone who can make people talk and he kind of can't help telling her things! I think William Beck would come up with some wonderful "Did I really just say that to a 15-year-old?" expressions. But sadly, I can't write those! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Alicia in this story is more based on the way she was when she was first in the show, so she is a lot nicer, though I have brought in a couple of things from her current appearances. Tilly is scared, but Cal isn't very far away. The idea of Lofty cheating does seem impossible! I miss him. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. Dylan is certainly very good at seeing into Dylan K's mind. I'm sure he's grateful in some ways but a bit disturbed in others! I think Tom and Sam will be in Chapter 107 - there is more to come with their story, but I have so many characters. Do you still love Sebastian? I don't like what he's done, but I think he's a bit like a child in the way he thinks and reacts, so he really needs someone to help him understand what he's doing.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Things could get very bad for Matilda, but Dixie and Cal are both there, so she's still got a chance. Even if they don't get there in time, the police will find Matilda, but what kind of state will she be in? I'm glad you like the Dylans' friendship. It always amazes and thrills me to know people like them.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your reviews. It's really nice reading reviews from older chapters and remembering what was in them - and I really can't complain when you were equally behind with Casualty! I loved what you said about the past clinical lead passing on her wisdom to the current one. A lot of people thought it was Matilda's parents sneaking up on Matilda and Olivia and it's always nice to surprise you! And I love that you're thinking of all the possibilities and questioning everything everyone says - I really am so pleased you'd invest so much brain power in this! That's true: you might not need a pregnancy test to know if a baby is Louis' or Sam's, but that won't be much consolation for Alicia! 'm really hoping Rita will come back one day as I loved her with Iain. I'm glad you liked Tom's advice to Dylan too. It always feels like a stab in the dark when I want a character to say something wise because I'm really not wise! It wasn't really Sebastian's fault, but if he wanted to avoid trouble, he's failed! I was actually really excited when I realised Linda's surname was Andrews. And Jez too - Lottie appeared several months before he did so it was all a coincidence.

* * *

The last thing Max wanted was to put any more pressure on Zoe, but he had no choice. He could go to the school alone and not tell Zoe, but she'd find out eventually and she would not be happy he'd hidden it from her.

Max walked up to the desk. "Hey, Louise. How's it going?"

"If one more person asks me that, I'm going to scream," said Louise.

Max backed away. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just finding this a lot more difficult than I was expecting." Louise pasted a bright smile onto her face. "Welcome to Holby ED. How can I help you?"

"Oh, um, I was looking for Zoe," said Max, quite taken-aback by how terrifying the smile looked.

Lana leaned across to speak to him. "She's in cubicles. She's looking after some locum."

"Thank you," said Max, managing a strained smile. He walked towards cubicles and to his relief saw Zoe almost immediately.

She hurried over. "Max, what's wrong? Is it Ariana?"

Max nodded. "The school called. She's been making allegations against Alfie Dean."

* * *

Robyn smiled. "Hey, Rita. How are you?"

"Good, thanks," said Rita. "How are you, Robyn? I heard you had a few pregnancy-related blood pressure issues."

"Oh, nothing serious," said Robyn. "They'd probably have discharged me if we weren't waiting to hear about Riley. Got any gossip for me?"

To her surprise, Rita seemed to cringe slightly at her words. "Not exactly. Noel says you're still in touch with Linda Andrews."

Robyn nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I am. We don't talk loads. Just on facebook sometimes."

Again, Rita cringed. "Does she talk about her family at all?"

"Yeah, all the time," said Robyn. "She's got four grandkids! All Britney's. That's her daughter."

"Has she ever mentioned a relative called Lottie?" asked Rita.

"All the time!" said Robyn. "She's so proud."

"Why is she proud?" Rita almost whispered.

Robyn was confused. "Well… she's proud of all her grandchildren. And Lottie's her first granddaughter."

Rita's face fell. "Lottie is Linda's _granddaughter_? Are you sure? How old is she?"

"About twenty months, I think," said Robyn, looking at Rita in confusion. "Charlotte Linda, her name is."

"Oh. Okay."

"Is everything okay, Rita?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine, Robyn. So, why don't you tell me what you've been up to."

* * *

As she entered Lily's office, Connie's steps faltered a little.

"Connie? Are you all right?" Jacob hurried over.

Connie nodded, not resisting as he led her to a chair. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise you'd be here, Elle. It took me back a bit."

She could see they both understood what she meant.

"So, what are you both doing?" said Connie. "Is there no work to do?"

"I think we all need to sort out a place to stay and then get some sleep," said Jacob.

Connie sat up straighter. "There's no time for that, Charge Nurse Masters. The ED is struggling. We need to make plans, not sleep."

"We can't keep running on empty," said Jacob.

"You may be empty. I most certainly am not," said Connie. "Where's the shift plan for today?"

Elle handed it over.

"Far too many nameless locums," said Connie. "We need to know our locums. Some will be known to the department already, of course. The others we need to get to know. Determine their strengths and weaknesses. Weed out the ones that have no place here and play to the strengths of the others. We haven't got time to babysit registrars and consultants; we need to put them where we can trust them wherever possible. Okay, Elle, what else have you done?"

"We've had a few complaints," said Elle hesitantly. "I've been drafting letters, inviting them to come in and-"

"No!" snapped Connie. "We don't have time for that. Clear your diary of all non-essentials till the end of the week, then get out on the shop floor. If we don't speed things up out there, we'll end up with more complaints on our hands and I'm sure you don't want that."

* * *

Ethan climbed the stairs slowly, one hand on the rail. He tried to appreciate the fact he was still able to walk up the stairs.

Lily smiled as he entered her room.

"Hey, Lily. You look beautiful."

"I'm quite sure I don't," said Lily, but she couldn't help smiling.

Ethan leaned over to kiss her. "Yes, you do."

"How's Caleb?" asked Lily.

"He's asleep now." Ethan sat beside her on the bed and took her hand. "They're going to call me if there's any change. How are you, sweetheart?"

Lily looked at him, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm so scared, Ethan. I'm scared that every time I forget, it's a sign that I don't want it enough and that increases the chance that our baby will be taken from me. Or that..." She stopped.

Ethan wanted to grab her and pull her into his arms, but he was afraid of hurting her. He put his hands gently on her shoulders. "It's not your fault, Lily. No matter what you've done and no matter what you've thought, this is outside your control. All anyone can ask of you is that you rest – and you're doing that. Whatever happens, it won't be your fault."

"Ethan," said Lily, her voice breaking, "what if our baby has Huntington's Disease?"

* * *

Dylan looked sympathetically at Dylan K. "Do you still care about Dr Nicholls?"

"Well, if she got murdered by a patient, I wouldn't dance for joy," said Dylan K. "But I don't regret the divorce."

"I think, whatever your feelings are now, a meeting like this will always be awkward," said Dylan. "But you're handling it really well."

"If I was handling it well, we wouldn't be having this conversation because you wouldn't have guessed," said Dylan K.

"I think a lot of people would have done something much worse than revealing to the truth to a friend," said Dylan.

Dylan K sighed. "For all you know, I've murdered Tom and stuffed the body in the laundry cupboard."

Dylan laughed. "No, you haven't. But I'll mind my own business now if that's what you'd prefer."

"I would."

Dylan changed the subject. "How's Hazel?"

"It's actually _Sam's_ feelings I'm worried about," said Dylan K.

* * *

Sebastian leaned against the wall around the corner from reception and gave a sigh of relief.

That had been close. When the staff nurses had started talking about a scary nurse named Louise, he'd thought he was done for.

But luckily, they'd gone on to say what a good thing it was that she wasn't working today.

He'd been really lucky. Connie, Elle and Dylan must all have gone if they'd got someone new in to be clinical lead. Not running into Dylan had definitely been high on Sebastian's priority list. He was a little bit worried the new Dr Hardy might be Alicia Munroe, but as she wasn't here, it didn't matter too much. With Jacob also out of the way and at least two unfamiliar paramedics, he was almost starting to feel safe.

Sebastian walked up to the desk and stopped short.

No. It couldn't be. What would a _nurse_ be doing on reception?

But either it was Louise, or Louise had a twin – and Sebastian wasn't sure which possibility scared him more.

He edged away from the desk, only to cry out in fright as he backed into someone. He turned slowly. To his relief, it was two strangers. "I'm so sorry."

"You're as bad as our eldest. She never looks where she's going either." The woman smiled at him. "We're looking for Dr Grayling."

Sebastian started to panic that they meant his father, but then he remembered. "Oh, that's me."

"We're Matilda Meadowes' parents. We got your message and we're so worried."

Sebastian hesitated, not wanting to hurt their feelings by telling them how Matilda had reacted. "Matilda's gone for an x-ray, but she should be back soon. She's okay. She's just had a bit of a fright."

"What exactly happened?" asked Mr Meadowes.

"Matilda was out with a friend and they were accosted by a guy who assaulted him."

Mrs Meadowes sighed. "Isn't that typical of Matilda? Hanging around with strange men when she should be at school. We really don't know what to do with her. We've tried our best, but we feel so helpless."

Sebastian was a bit surprised. He wouldn't have said Matilda was that type.

"She actually ran away from home," said Mr Meadowes confidingly. "We were so worried about her. It turned out she'd been living with a man in his forties."

Sebastian gaped. "Matilda's only fifteen, isn't she?"

"Yes, Dr Grayling, but there's not much you can do with girls like that." Mrs Meadowes sighed. "No matter how hard we try; no matter how much we love her and try to understand, all she ever wants to do is hurt us."

* * *

"Can I go now?" said Honey. "Please. I just want to go. I've done the tests. Now all I want is to forget about this."

Amira patted Honey's hand sympathetically. "I know, sweetheart, but we need to wait for the results. There might be a bit more we can do for you and we don't want you to have to come back. I'm sure the results won't be long."

"How good are the results?" asked Honey. "Will the police be able to look at it and know who it was?"

"They won't know instantly, but they have ways of finding things out," said Amira. "We just need to keep positive, okay? I'm sure the police will do everything they can."

Honey nodded. "Yeah. I'll keep positive."

She looked terrified, but Amira could hardly blame her. "You've been very brave, Honey. I'm sure your dad's very-" She stopped as her phone rang. "Sorry. I'd better take this." She decided not to tell Honey it was the lab. She hoped they weren't phoning to say the evidence had become contaminated and Honey would have to go through the whole ordeal again. She went out of the cubicle and moved a safe distance away before answering the phone, though instinct told her to keep an eye on Honey's cubicle.

It was the right thing to do. A few moments later, Honey pushed the curtain aside and started to walk towards the exit.

Amira hurried over to stop her. "No, Honey. You can't leave now. Go back in the cubicle, please." She kept the phone pressed to her ear as she took Honey's arm, ignoring her protests, and led her back to the cubicle. "Okay. Thanks for calling." Amira slowly turned to look at Honey. "Honey. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?"


	106. Chapter 106

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I agree that Honey will avoid telling Amira anything if she possibly can! I like the name Charlotte Linda too. I don't think many cast members who leave are mentioned again unless relevant to the plot. I think it's a shame - it would be nice to hear how they're all doing occasionally! Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I have no insider knowledge - I don't even watch trailers - but there have been a few occasions when things I've posted in fanfiction have happened in the show! Maybe they're copying me! Lottie was born in A Child's Heart and Andrews was her parents' name, so I can't claim the credit for that. I think Louise is a very interesting character who is underused, but she can be really horrible at times. I'm really glad Robyn and Rita's conversation had a hint of awkwardness without being awkward to read - I was really hoping to convey that somehow! Connie really can't help herself! She's a great clinical lead. I hope you won't be disappointed with what Honey has done. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm looking forward to finding out if you're right about Honey. It can be quite boring if characters are too perfect, though when Ethan was perfect, I didn't mind at all! I thought Sebastian should fulfill some of his potential - he's made a terrible mistake, but it wasn't his fault at all.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I didn't mind Sebastian's Casualty storyline that much, but I'm so relieved it was resolved in the way it was. I was worried it might end very differently. I really do need to write a scene for Luke and Dylan soon, but there's so much else going on!

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you're annoyed with Matilda's parents - it wouldn't be so good if you were annoyed with me, but it's a good sign when someone cares enough to be annoyed with a character! It is horrible for Lily and Ethan, but it's probably better to discuss things than to ignore them. Thank you for your review and it's good to see you back!

* * *

Honey looked fearfully at Amira. "What's wrong? I was only going for a wee. I might be only twenty-eight, but I can't hold it in forever."

 _Twenty-eight?!_ thought Amira, almost amused - but there were more serious things to worry about now than Honey's age. "Honey, the tests are very good now. If there was any semen ejected inside you in the last week, this test would know."

"He used a condom," muttered Honey. "He wouldn't want to catch anything, would he?"

"So he put the condom on whilst holding you against the wall with both hands?" enquired Amira.

"He had it on already."

"So, you couldn't see his face well, but you could see that he had a condom on?"

"It was one of them coloured ones," said Honey, but her shoulders were sagging.

Amira sat down on the bed. "Honey, listen to me. You can either tell the truth now and accept the consequences. Or you can continue with your lie and make everything worse."

"Are you going to tell my dad?" asked Honey. "You can't do that. I might look like a teenager, but I'm not."

"We can't tell your dad, but the result will be on your file - which your dad certainly shouldn't be accessing but does have access to," said Amira. "It's also possible that it might be mentioned in his hearing if he brings you in - this shouldn't happen, but it often does. But it's not just that. Honey, if you don't tell the truth, you'll have to keep up this lie for the rest of your life. You'll always have to be on your guard to make sure you give it away. You'll keep on lying and your lies will get bigger and bigger. It's a hard route to take and a lonely one and I should know. Trust me, Honey. I'll be much better for you if you tell the truth now."

* * *

Cal was quite disappointed. He hadn't seen Robyn for ages and she'd always been closer to Rita, so it made sense for Rita to be the one to question her about Linda. It also made sense for Iain to question Jez as they actually worked together. Rita and Iain could probably make the conversations seem quite natural; Cal wouldn't have a hope.

But still, he wanted to do something. This facebook person was writing things about his daughter.

He stomped towards the exit, intending to find somewhere quiet so he could call Ethan, but then he stopped.

Three people were standing just ahead of him. Three people he recognised.

Dr Sebastian Grayling and Mr and Mrs Meadowes.

"I'm so glad you called us, Dr Grayling," Mrs Meadowes was saying. "All we want is to take Matilda home with us. To our family. We didn't know what to do. We didn't want to report our own daughter to the police, but we were getting so worried about her. It's been so long and she's just a child. She doesn't understand the hurt she's causing."

"Please. Won't you take us to our little girl so we can take her home?" said Mr Meadowes.

"Of course I will," said Sebastian, obviously moved by what they'd said. "Follow me, please."

The complete and total _idiot_.

Cal strode over and blocked their way.

"Cal!?" The look on Sebastian's face could have been comical. It wasn't.

"Seb," said Cal. "Can I have a word?" He tried to smile at Matilda's abusers. "I'm one of the consultants. Please excuse us."

Sebastian looked ready to wet himself. He followed Cal a short distance away. "Is there a problem, Dr Knight?" he asked, very respectfully.

"Yes, there's a problem! The problem is that these people _abused_ Matilda!" hissed Cal. "She's in foster care. Why did you call _them_?"

Sebastian looked shocked. "But they're her next-of-kin. It said so on the computer."

Cal looked at him for a moment, wondering if Sebastian was lying to get himself out of trouble, but then he realised Sebastian couldn't have got their number unless it was in the file. "Okay. Maybe it's not your fault. But you – and especially Matilda - are very lucky I came along!"

Sebastian looked very upset. "I'm really sorry, Cal. Matilda did get upset when I said I'd called them, but she's just been attacked and I thought-"

"Attacked?!" almost shouted Cal. He hadn't even thought about why Matilda was here. What was wrong with him? He dropped his voice back to a whisper. "Please can you take me to her? No: we've got to get rid of these people first." He looked over at reception and stared. " _Louise?_ What are you… never mind. Can you take that couple to the relatives' room, please? And whatever you do, don't tell them my name."

"Why can't I tell them your name?" asked Louise.

"Please," said Cal. He didn't like to beg, but this was his daughter.

Louise shrugged. "Okay."

Cal spoke quietly to Sebastian. "We'll give Louise five minutes to get them into the relatives' room – we can't risk them seeing where we're going. Then I need to see Matilda."

* * *

Connie didn't bother knocking. It had been her office for so long and she wasn't used to knocking.

Elle jumped, then looked at her fearfully.

"What are you doing in here?" said Connie.

"I'm, um, cancelling all non-essential appointments," mumbled Elle, not meeting Connie's eye.

"I told you to get out on the shop floor."

"And I will," said Elle.

"But you haven't," said Connie. "And considering your screen has hibernated, you obviously haven't done anything since I left. And don't try to tell me you've been looking through the admin tray. You haven't, have you?"

Elle said nothing.

"I think it's about time you told me what's going on," said Connie. "Don't you?"

* * *

Lofty smiled when he saw Rita and Robyn chatting. He was about to back out again and give them space, but Robyn looked up and smiled, holding out her hands.

Lofty went over and kissed her. "Hey, beautiful. I'm sorry to interrupt. I can go if I'm in the way."

"You're never in the way," said Robyn, gazing at him in a way she hadn't done for a couple of years. She'd never been anything other than loving, but now she was looking at him like she'd discovered the most amazing thing in the world.

He was so lucky. So, so lucky.

His doubts disappeared and he turned to Rita. "Rita, I'm very sorry. I know this is a bad time, but I need to apply for some time off. My family needs me. The only reason Robyn is in hospital today is because I was expecting too much of her and not looking after her properly. I don't ever want that to happen again. Please, Rita, can I have some time with my family?"

* * *

"You think she still has feelings for you?" Dylan would have hesitated to accept such a statement from anyone else, but Dylan K didn't usually care if someone liked him or not.

"It seems ridiculous," said Dylan K, "but she did seem rather annoyed when I told her I was glad I wasn't married to her anymore."

Dylan tried not to let her amusement show. Dylan K was so intelligent and such an incredible, admirable, remarkable person, but every so often, something very simple would pass him by. "I think she probably didn't quite take it in the way you intended it. I'm guessing you were trying to reassure her that you were over her and you were happy, but I think she took it to mean you were glad you weren't married to her because you don't like her."

Dylan K looked startled. "Why on earth would she think that? I did not, at any point, tell Sam I didn't like her. I like Lofty too, but I wouldn't want to be married to him."

"Some people don't just pay attention to what you say," said Dylan. "They look for hidden meanings and if they're insecure for whatever reason, they look for insults. I think Dr Nicholls might have thought you were insulting her."

Dylan K shook his head despairingly. "And Sam was always so sensible."

* * *

The door closed behind the policemen. Alicia let out a long sigh of relief.

It wasn't over. The facebook investigation was ongoing and the police might still want to question Charlie, but Alicia would see him before then. She could warn him of what they'd said.

"Alicia," said Sam, and there was an odd note in his voice.

Alicia's thoughts flew to Louis. He couldn't _know_ , could he? "Um... shall I make coffee?"

Sam shook his head. "Alicia. You work at St James', not Holby. Why were you accessing records at another hospital?"

Alicia stared at him as the enormity of what she had done hit her. She hadn't even considered that, but he was right. She had no reason to access the Holby records. "I accessed the Summary Care Record. That's available to all hospitals."

"But why would you do that through the Holby site?" asked Sam.

"I…"

"Why did you lie, Alicia?"

"Well… why did you lie?" she said.

* * *

Jez and Rocker were enjoying a coffee break when Iain appeared.

"Thought you weren't working," said Rocker.

"I'm not," said Iain. "I just need a quick chat with Jez."

Rocker laughed. "What have you done now, Jeremy?"

Jez decided a show of hospitality wouldn't go amiss. "Kettle's just boiled, Iain. You want one?"

Iain gave the kettle a longing glance, but he shook his head and sat down opposite them. "Jez, you don't happen to have a relative called Lottie, do you?"

Jez jumped up, the coffee sloshing onto the floor. "You mean she's been brought in?"

"No," said Iain quickly. "I just heard about a Lottie Andrews and wondered if she was related to you. Sorry. Didn't mean to worry you."

Jez sat down again. He was relieved, but still curious. "She's my little cousin. Well, not so little now. She's fifteen. Why did you want to know?"

"She's at school with my son Alfie," said Iain.

"Yeah, they get on quite well, I think," said Jez. He laughed. "I think Lottie's got a bit of a crush on him. She likes tidiness in a guy."

"She probably doesn't like you then!" said Rocker.

"And she obviously hasn't seen Alfie's bedroom," added Iain. He paused, before adding: "Which I'm very glad about. So… what's she like?"

Jez laughed to himself. Obviously, Iain wanted to make sure Alfie wasn't getting involved with the wrong kind of girl. It was sweet really. "Lottie's a really sweet kid. Quiet. Hardworking. Wants to be a paramedic. A bit of a gossip, but it's all pretty harmless. Not malicious."

He stopped. Iain was staring at him, his mouth open. "Lottie's 'a bit of a gossip'?"


	107. Chapter 107

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Jez is in trouble! Cal is a very protective dad. He was so good with Matilda in the episodes and I don't think that will ever change! She might get fed up with it in ten years' time, but right now, it's what she needs. Jez is in trouble - though Lottie could be in more. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm sure Dylan K wants to be with Lofty really - he just loves him too much to ruin his marriage. Or something like that. I don't know whether to be glad or sorry you were right about Honey! I thought Connie would catch Elle out if anyone would! But Sebastian's problems might not be over. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I wish I was as clever as Dylan - I barely know what's going on half the time even when I am there! I love that you called Cal a knight in shining armour, though I think he would love it even more. I feel Sebastian made the accusation when he was feeling devastated and rejected, then he was too scared to admit he'd lied, but it could have been resolved more quickly, though Casualty time doesn't always follow real time, so it might have been days rather than weeks.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. What Honey did is definitely very wrong and it does make it harder for genuine victims. Noel was usually very understanding of Big Mac, so he should forgive Honey eventually, but she needs to learn she can't behave like that. I'm glad you were right about Jez and Lottie! It's great getting things right.

 **EDSidekick** , I think you might be right about Iain! But I must go back and check whether Iain knows about all the evidence against Alfie as I can't remember! It's very difficult keeping track of who knows what. I do try to keep Cal out of trouble, but he just can't help himself! I like that you're wondering about Honey's reasons... all I can tell you is that you won't find out in this chapter. I think Lofty is lovely, but we've never really seen his romantic side. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad Honey is getting some sympathy - she's done a terrible thing, but I don't think she's very happy, which isn't exactly an excuse, but if someone can recognise and address her problems, maybe she wouldn't do things like this. Cal did come very close to flipping out... and still might! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Jez shook his head. "There's no way Lottie would do that. You can't just walk in here and accuse my cousin of-"

"Of course I can't and I'm not," said Iain. "I just want to know who's posting personal details about my son – _and_ _your cousin_ – online. But the thing about gossips is they don't just like _hearing_ gossip. They like passing it on too."

Jez felt himself relax just slightly. "So you think Lottie might be – unknowingly – giving the real culprit the information?"

"I think it's possible, yeah," said Iain.

"Okay," said Jez cautiously. He knew Lottie wasn't off the suspect list yet, but as long as Iain wasn't directly accusing her. "Can I see this site?"

"If it hasn't been taken down," said Iain. "It really should have been."

"Maybe the police want to wait and until someone logs in," said Jez. He went over to the computer. "It's possible they've been using different IP addresses – if they log in at home; at school; at the library; at some café; at various friends' houses, then it's harder to trace."

"Can't they trace individual computers now?" asked Iain.

"Yeah, but it's a bit dodgy," said Jez. "Every computer is registered in someone's name and if you get a computer second-hand, you're supposed to update the registration. But a lot of people don't bother. Then you get computers that are stolen and sold on; some people buy a computer as a present but register it in their own name – in most situations, the current owner can be traced, but it takes time." He typed in the address Iain gave him and looked at the site. It took him only a moment to see why Iain was worried. "How do they even know about this stuff? I did tell Lottie some of it, but not all. I didn't know Dylan had OCD. And these details of Ariana's suicide attempts: that was written by someone with better medical knowledge than me."

"We thought someone might have hacked into the medical records," said Iain.

"Well, it wasn't Lottie!" Jez had to laugh. "She couldn't even figure out how to use her phone without help! I can't see her writing this stuff about the Garcias either. She is mates with Louise, but I can't see Louise telling all this to a kid."

Iain nodded worriedly. "The thing is, all the kids who've featured on here recently are related to a doctor, nurse or paramedic. We think the hospital is the real target."

Jez looked at him in shock. "So, you think we haven't been hacked at all. You think someone from the _hospital_ is doing this."

* * *

Ethan's chest tightened with pain. He tried to speak.

"Ethan, I'm sorry," said Lily. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you were right." Ethan held her hand tightly. "It is something we might have to face and we shouldn't hide from it. But it's not your fault, Lily. You're in no way to blame for this. I am." He tried to fight back tears. "And I'm so sorry I'm putting you and our child – and all our children – through this terrible-"

Lily's face filled with horror. "Ethan, it's not your fault!"

"Of course it is."

"Ethan, _no_ ," said Lily. "I am afraid of what might happen; I am not going to lie about that. I don't want that to happen to my child. But we've done everything we could to try to prevent is from happening."

"But not enough," said Ethan sadly. "I am so, so, sorry, Lily."

"I always knew it was a risk," said Lily. "Always. Precautions aren't 100%, even now. I always knew mistakes could happen; that the only way of ensuring we would never have a child with the gene would be to abstain."

"I'm sorry. We should have done that."

"No! Don't you understand? I was not prepared to do that!" said Lily. "I love you, Ethan. I love you so much and I took that risk because I chose to; because a life without you in it; a life that didn't involve loving you in every possible way was no life at all to me. If I had a chance to live my life again, knowing this moment would come, then I would still make the same choice. The only choice. I love you. I want to be with you. I am afraid for my child; so terribly afraid, but I have no regrets." She touched his face. "I could never regret being with you."

* * *

Someone was screaming. It made her ears hurt and all she wanted was run far away from it until the sound had died away and she never had to think again about what had caused it.

But she couldn't.

She couldn't run away because she was the one making the sound. Screaming and screaming. Over and over.

"Nooooooooo! You can't switch it off! You can't kill my dad!"

"Ella." Connor took her hands in his. "Ella, please listen to the doctors. I know you're hurting, but listen to their reasons, okay?" He brought his face close to hers. "And then, when they've told you, you can give them the reasons why not."

* * *

Tom walked into the staff room and stopped in surprise. "You're still here."

"I work here," said Sam.

She looked tense and upset. Hardly surprising really, considering her ex-husband was here.

"I'm just surprised," said Tom. He sat beside her and put his arm around her. "Come on, Sam. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing!"

Tom began to feel angry. "It's Dylan, isn't it? What did he say to you?"

"Nothing."

"Well, clearly that's not true!"

Sam glared at him. "Obviously he spoke to me! I treated his stepmother! Is that why you don't want me here? Because he's here?"

Tom sighed. "Sam, I never said I don't want you here. I'm just concerned because you've had a long, emotional shift. Why are you twisting my words?"

"Why are you twisting mine?" said Sam. "All I've done is sit here for a bit and you've jumped down my throat! I just needed a moment to collect my thoughts before I drove home, okay? There's nothing wrong with that. Dylan is my patient's stepson. That's all."

"How can that be all? You were married to him. Come on, Sam. Just tell me."

"There's nothing going on!"

* * *

"I'm sorry!" burst out Sebastian. He looked distraught.

"No, don't worry," said Cal. The five minutes were almost up and he was anxious to get to Matilda. "Forget it."

"I just wanted to do something good!" said Sebastian. "I wanted everyone to see I'm a good doctor. Then I called a couple of abusers and l would have taken them to Matilda if you hadn't come along!"

"But I did, didn't I?" Cal patted his shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up, okay? Now, please take me to Matilda."

Sebastian nodded and seemed to be trying to compose himself. He led the way to the cubicle. "Matilda, I've got someone here for you."

Cal groaned inwardly. Now Matilda would think her parents were here! He hurried into the cubicle.

Matilda was under the covers, sobbing.

"Tilly, it's me," said Cal. "It's Dad. Cal. We won't let those people near you. You're safe."

Matilda came out from under the covers and threw herself into his arms.

"It's okay," said Cal, hugging her. "They can't hurt you anymore. I'm so sorry and I love you."

* * *

"Hi, we're Dr and Mr Walker," Zoe told the school secretary. "Ariana's parents. "The Head wanted to see us."

The secretary nodded. "Yes: he mentioned that you were coming, Mrs Walker. Do you know where the office is or would you like me to show you?"

"That's Dr and _Mr_ Walker," said Zoe. _As you well know, you sexist twit._ Max found it hilarious when anyone assumed he was the doctor, but it never failed to infuriate Zoe. "But no, thank you. I think we can remember."

It wasn't their first visit, after all.

They went around the corner to the Head's office and knocked on the door. Mr Grimes opened the door and smiled at them. Zoe tried to smile back. He was a good Head in that he knew how to benefit the school as a whole and made sound financial decisions, but he wasn't so good at dealing with the students as individuals.

"Come in, Dr and Mr Walker." At least he'd got that right.

Ariana was sitting hunched up in the corner of the room. Zoe ran over and hugged her. "We love you, Ariana, and we're not angry."

Max hugged her too. "We love you very much and we're going to sort this out."

"Alfie said stuff about me!" cried Ariana. "About my attempts!"

"Why don't we tell your parents from the beginning?" suggested Mr Grimes. He didn't wait for Ariana's response. "As I understand it, Alfie Dean approached your daughter and asked if it was true Matilda Meadowes was… I believe the term is 'shacked up' with a married doctor from your hospital. Ariana denied this. He then wanted to know whether Dylan Wilkinson-Brae and Luke Leyton had eloped. Ariana, not unreasonably, said that was none of his business. Alfie claimed that Dylan was 'in for a bit of a surprise', and when asked to elaborate, Alfie informed Ariana that: 'Luke's a girl, innit.' He then asked if Lottie was interfering in, er, 'some old couple's' marriage. Ariana became extremely angry and told him he was a liar and he'd clearly been 'stalking me and my mates' and that he'd 'done that site' specifically for the purpose of 'doing her head in'. She then spoke to various students and teachers, recommending in the strongest terms that they were not to listen to a word Alfie said; that he was probably 'cheating and stealing and all sorts'. At this point, Ariana was brought to my office and I made the decision to phone you."

Zoe looked at him in shock. "Is that all?"

Mr Grimes raised an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon, Mrs Walker?"

"Kids say stuff like that all the time," said Zoe. "Especially when they get emotional and stressed. Yes, we have a problem here and we do need to sort this out. But why just call in Ariana's parents? What about Alfie's? Just because Ariana has BPD, it doesn't mean she's always the bad guy. And speaking of bad guys, don't you think you should be investing a little time on finding out who's responsible for this site?"

* * *

Dylan K wasn't usually that great at reading people, but he could tell Chloe was upset. Really upset.

Dylan sat up straighter in her bed. "Mum, what's wrong? Is it Hazel?"

 _Is it Luke?_ thought Dylan K, who'd been away from his brother for far too long, but he tried not to show his anxiety as he helped Chloe to a chair. "Sit down and tell us what's happened."

"I just had a phone call from the police," said Chloe shakily. She looked at her daughter. "Apparently, there's a facebook account that posts gossip about the school and also Holby ED. The police have traced the computer that's been used to make these updates. And… it's yours, Dylan."


	108. Chapter 108

**EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the ending! Soapy plots in Casualty usually annoy me, but I've got to admit my stories are full of them! It was very easy to imagine Zoe getting irritated if someone assumed Max was the doctor. It's lucky Max isn't the type to take offence at her reaction! Yes, Cal is being a complete idiot. And not for the first time. I'm really happy you like what Lily said to Ethan and I love that you kind of fell in love with her. Not many people fall in love with Lily, sadly.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Sam is stressed - it's seldom easy when your ex-husband meets your current one! Dylan is in big trouble. I remember a lovely moment Zoe was really kind to a teenager who'd done something stupid - that kind of inspired me for the scene with Ariana. Cal came along at the right time, kind of. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I thought of you when I wrote Zoe's rage against sexism! I hoped you'd like that bit. Cal might have been tougher on Sebastian in the part of the scene we didn't see, but he knows it's not his fault. I've already written a story where Honey is sexually assaulted so I didn't want this one to be too similar. I'm glad you felt it was realistic. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I hoped it would be a shock - I wasn't aware of any readers suspecting Dylan, but not everyone will say who they suspect. I really need to write a Dylan and Luke scene very soon! I'm glad you liked Tilly and Cal's reunion. I always feel a bit guilty for keeping them apart!

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you're interested and intrigued! I really like writing the whodunnit element of this storyline, but not everyone finds that interesting, so I'm trying not to overdo it. I want to end the story with Cal and Matilda living as father and daughter, but I am a bit worried it's not realistic. Thank you for your reviews.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the twist with Dylan! I thought a lot of people would suspect her as she has the ability, but no-one said anything. I think Jez can be an idiot sometimes, but he also seems very loyal and I love that about him. I'm so happy to know I make you smile. I hope I can do it again.

* * *

Dylan K stared at Chloe in disbelief. Then he started shaking his head. "No. It can't be. They've made a mistake."

Chloe didn't seem to hear. She moved closer to Dylan, who looked scared. Really scared.

But there was no need, was there?

But Dylan would be one of very few children with the ability and if it came from her computer…

Dylan K looked at Dylan and waited for her to deny it, but she didn't. She lowered her head and stared down at her hands, which were fiddling with the bedclothes.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" said Chloe. She probably meant to sound authoritative, but she only sounded afraid.

Dylan lifted tortured eyes to meet her mother's. "I can't."

"But Dylan, the police are involved!" gasped Chloe.

"If the police want to speak to me, then I'll have to talk to them," said Dylan. "But I don't want to talk to anyone else and I don't have to."

"But I'm your mother!" said Chloe.

"I know," said Dylan quietly.

Dylan K couldn't keep quiet a moment longer. "Aren't you even going to deny it?"

Dylan shook her head. "I'm sorry, Dylan."

* * *

Lily sat in Ethan's embrace, her head against his chest. She was so glad she'd been able to say what had been in her mind for so long. It had never been the right time, but now, finally, Ethan knew the truth.

"I love you, Ethan," said Lily again as she held on to him. "I always have. I always will."

"And I love you too, my darling," said Ethan.

They didn't speak for a while after that. They just held one another.

When Ethan pulled away from her, it was with obvious reluctance. "I wish I could stay longer, but I should probably go and check on Caleb. Probably both Calebs. "

 _Caleb…_ Lily couldn't believe she'd forgotten him, even for a moment.

She spoke with decision. "I want to see him."

Ethan gave her an apologetic smile. "I know, darling, but you really can't get out of bed at the moment. I'll bring Caleb to see you as soon as he's well enough."

"But I want to see him!" said Lily. "I need to tell him I love him."

"He knows."

"But I left him, not once but twice." Lily was becoming agitated now. "I need to tell him. I need to tell all of them."

Ethan kissed her trembling lips and stroked her hair. "I'll tell you what, darling. Film a message for all the kids and I'll show it to them as soon as I can."

It wasn't as good as seeing them, but Lily was so grateful to Ethan for thinking of it. "I think that's a lovely idea."

* * *

"Well?" said Rita, when Iain returned.

"Lottie is Jez's cousin," said Iain.

Rita gasped. "Then they do all have a connection!"

"They do and I think it's worth mentioning it to the police," said Iain.

Rita looked at him and smiled. "You see? I'm on to something, aren't I?"

"Possibly," said Iain. "But it's for the police to investigate. Not us. We'll tell them what we've found out, then we'll leave it to them. Okay, Rita?"

Rita ignored the question. "Do you think it could be Lottie?"

Iain shook his head. "She is a bit of a gossip, according to Jez, but he doesn't think she has the computer skills."

"But she is having tutoring from Charlie Bateman," said Rita.

* * *

Dylan K walked slowly away from Dylan's room. He'd wanted to stay, but Chloe had asked him to leave and he couldn't refuse. Dylan had said very little. They'd both asked questions, but she'd remained silent.

It seemed impossible, but the more he thought about Dylan, the more he started to wonder. He knew Matilda had been taken away from her parents due to abuse, but why hadn't Dylan spotted this? She had the intelligence and probably the knowledge, but Matilda had continued to suffer.

He walked into a room almost at random and discovered it to be the staff room, but it wasn't unoccupied. Sam was sitting on the sofa, her head in her hands. She didn't appear to be crying, but something had clearly happened.

"Sam?" he said softly and she looked up.

"Dylan," she said, and there was an emotion in her eyes she couldn't quite read.

Dylan K went over and sat beside her. "What's happened?" He had a horrible thought. "Is it Hazel?"

"No, Hazel's fine as far as I know," said Sam wearily.

"Then what's wrong?" said Dylan K.

Sam kept her gaze on the floor. "Tom and I had a fight."

Dylan K had a feeling an outpouring of sympathy would be appropriate, but he didn't do those. Sam probably wouldn't appreciate it anyway; she'd never been touchy-feely.

Or not until she'd met Tom…

"Would you like to… tell me about it?" he offered awkwardly.

Sam shook his head. "It was nothing."

"Clearly not" said Dylan K. He leaned closer to her. "Sam, you can tell me. I'm not very good at sympathy, but I am good at finding solutions."

"I remember," said Sam with the ghost of a smile. "But you can't fix this."

"I'd like to try," said Dylan K. He remembered what Dylan had said to him earlier. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Sam, and I certainly don't mean to be disrespectful; I like and respect you very much. I do care about you."

"I care about you too," admitted Sam. "I always have."

Then another voice spoke. Tom's voice. "I thought it was a bit of a coincidence."

* * *

Elle looked away, but she could still feel Connie's gaze burning into her mind. A part of her wanted to run, but she knew there was no point. Not many people managed to say no to Connie and even if she did manage it, Connie could look up her record easily enough.

"Well?" said Connie. There was only a touch of impatience in her voice, but it was all it took for Elle to cave in.

"I made a mistake," said Elle, staring at the bent-over corner of one of the items in her in-tray. "Another one."

She saw the pain on Connie's face as she remembered the first mistake; the mistake that had confined Grace to a wheelchair, but her voice remained calm. "We all make mistakes, Elle. But I think you need to tell me what this mistake was."

Elle looked at her for a moment, wondering if she could. Jacob knew: he was almost the only person she'd told willingly. Dylan and Ethan knew: they'd helped to deal with the matter - Ethan with sympathy and understanding that had been well-intentioned but had made her feel worse; Dylan with a practical, brisk detachment that had allowed her to pretend it was happening to someone else. Lofty and Robyn had been there when it had happened so they knew.

But there was no-one else.

"Elle?" said Connie, an expectant edge to her voice.

Elle shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it, Connie."

"It wasn't a suggestion," said Connie.

"Connie, you're not clinical lead anymore!" said Elle desperately.

"Neither are you," Connie pointed out calmly. "But I'm the one who has taken charge and if anything is going on with my doctors, then I need to know about it. Now."

Elle looked at her in silent misery, but she knew Connie was right and while talking might not help, keeping it inside certainly wouldn't. "I treated a child. A ten-year old girl. She… she arrived by air ambulance. There was-"

Connie cut her off. "Are you talking about Grace?"

"No, I'm not," said Elle, meeting Connie's eyes. "But Grace was in my mind that day."

* * *

Cal sat beside Matilda, his arm tightly around her as she dried her tears. "It's okay, darling. It's okay. You're safe."

"But what if they come back?" said Matilda.

"They won't come back," said Cal. "They can't. They're not allowed."

Matilda looked up at him, a hint of apology in her beautiful eyes. "You're not allowed to see me either and I'm here." She shivered.

"They would attract attention if they looked for you," said Cal. "I'm one of the consultants. No-one would think anything of it if they saw me walking around."

"But Dr Grayling said he was a locum," sand Matilda fearfully. "He said there were lots of locums. What if they think my parents are doctors?"

Cal opened his mouth to say that was unlikely, but when he'd been a locum, he'd never bothered to question anyone's presence unless they were actively causing trouble. Also, any vigilant locum was arguably more likely to question Cal: he was dressed in jeans and a casual shirt and looked nothing like a doctor. Matilda's parents were wearing coats and didn't have stethoscopes, but they were more smartly-attired than Cal. "I'll stay here. I won't leave you." It was a risky promise to make: his sister-in-law was fighting not to lose her baby; his brother was very fragile emotionally and physically and his nephew was also a patient.

But Matilda was his daughter; his very own daughter.

"I won't leave you," he promised.

Then the curtain was pushed aside.

* * *

Dixie knew something was going on. She was trying to be patient and she understood that whatever had happened, it wouldn't necessarily be easy for Olivia to talk about it. She accepted that and she was prepared to wait, but she couldn't help feeling Olivia was stalling.

"Olli, if you'd like to tell your mum, I can call her," she said at last.

"No!" said Olivia in a panic. "You can't tell her, Dixie."

"Okay, but I really hope you can tell someone," said Dixie. "Whatever's happened, it's obvious you can't deal with it alone."

"I was dealing with it alone," said Olivia in a low voice. "Until he showed up."

Dixie stroked her hand gently. "Do you think you might be able to tell me who 'he' is, lovely?" She had some idea already. Tamzin had described him as a fan, but Dixie felt that 'stalker' might be more accurate. Jess had worried horribly that Olivia might become the victim of stalkers. But now Dixie was beginning to revise her opinion. "He's not just some random fan, is he? You know him."

Olivia looked up at her for a moment, then she sighed. "Yes, I know him. He was just my fan at first – but now he's my husband."


	109. Chapter 109

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think Dixie will be very shocked to hear Olivia is married. You'll find out who overheard Cal and Matilda in this chapter. I agree Connie needs closure over what happened to Grace. I like Ethan and Lily as a couple too. They're quite alike and really well-suited. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , I hope you can take some more shocks because I hope there will be more! Dylan did always seem very caring, but perhaps, as you say, she likes finding solutions. Cal is a silly boy! He hasn't changed in that respect. And Rita's listening skills could definitely do with some work. You'll find out a bit more about what happened to Elle in this chapter. Sam and Tom will be around for a few more chapters, so closure is possible. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , if Cal gets reported, he really will be in trouble. I could be wrong, but I get the impression on Casualty that the staff are always so busy, it's easy for the wrong person to gain access to any cubicle. I'm so happy you like my surprises and cliffhangers - I'm glad they are actually surprising! The first time I tried to write a suspense story (on a different site) everyone knew who it was straight away. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I hope Chapter 109 is readable too! Poor Dylan K is going through it a bit at the moment with a love triangle (not another one!) on top of all his family and friend issues. Yes, I'm afraid there is more trouble awaiting Cal and Matilda! I like making them suffer too.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. You'll find out what went wrong with Olivia's marriage straight away, rather than waiting ten chapters like I usually make you do! I'm so glad you still like the Dylan scenes - I was really worried that would annoy everyone as you all like her so much

* * *

Dixie didn't know what she was feeling. Shock, certainly. Disappointment, perhaps. It had been in the back of her mind that Olivia might have been romantically involved with this guy, but _marriage_?

"I'm sorry," said Olivia miserably.

Dixie shook her head. "You're a grown woman, Olivia. It's your choice who you marry – and how. Having your parents around can be embarrassing and even in this day and age, not everyone can accept two female parents."

She knew Jess would be hurt. She'd be distraught. But there were a lot of problems to be ironed out and Jess's reaction wasn't her immediate concern.

"I wasn't embarrassed," said Olivia. "I'm proud of you. So proud. But I couldn't let him meet you the way things were. I couldn't tell him I had two mums; I thought that might frighten him off completely." She looked desperately at Dixie. "I know it's terrible to be homophobic, but his family are very religious. He's actually not that religious, but some of the things he was taught as a child have got stuck in his head. I believed I could change him, but I needed time. I couldn't let him meet you till I knew he'd accept you."

Dixie nodded: it was sad that this attitude still existed, but it was one she'd grown up with. She knew it was possible to love someone with such beliefs. "But you're not living together now. What happened?"

"He was abusive," whispered Olivia.

"Oh, Olivia!" Dixie hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you again."

"He said he'd try to stop," said Olivia. "His parents had hit him; it was the way he'd been taught to cope when he got annoyed. I gave him time to get help, but he didn't. So I left."

"You did the right thing," said Dixie firmly.

"He wouldn't go, so I got a restraining order," sobbed Olivia. "We're not divorced yet. He won't sign the papers. I thought we could get divorced and you'd never know what a terrible mistake I made. But it's true what they say about mistakes. They don't go away. They keep on following you."

* * *

Sebastian tore his stethoscope from around his neck and hurried outside. He was shaking. He couldn't believe the damage he'd nearly caused. The fact it wasn't really his fault was little comfort.

If Cal hadn't come along at just the right moment, Sebastian would have taken those monsters to see Matilda and then he'd have discharged her and they'd all have left together.

He didn't even want to think about what they might have done to her. Even if they'd never hurt her physically, he knew what emotional abuse from a parent could do. He'd actually done well when he'd first gone to St James', but then his dad had transferred there and before long, Sebastian had been a bag of nerves. He'd tried moving to other hospitals, but Archie always seemed to follow. He'd finally thought he'd found his perfect hospital when he'd moved to East London and started working with Tom and Sam – he'd actually messed up pretty badly with inserting a cannula and thought he'd lose his job, but Tom had supported him - and everything had been great until Archie had arrived.

Locum work had seemed like the only way around it, but it wasn't as satisfying as working in one place and it was stunting his development. He'd managed to scrape through his FCEM Primary and Intermediate, but FCEM Advanced continued to elude him and probably always would until he had a settled position.

But he couldn't get one. If he did, Archie would find him.

Though even without Archie continually on his tail, he was useless. Sebastian attracted trouble like Caleb Knight attracted women.

"Sebastian? Is that you? What's wrong?"

* * *

Sam looked at Tom in disbelief. "Tom, please tell me you don't think there's something going on with me and Dylan."

"It does seem ridiculous," admitted Tom. "But the fact he just happened to come to our hospital…"

"I came to this hospital because my stepmother is a patient here," said Dylan K.

"She was transferred here from somewhere else," said Tom.

"Yes, but if you'd like to check the paperwork, you'll see it wasn't my decision," said Dylan K. "I've had very little contact with Hazel since she chose to go back to Brian. I didn't even have much contact with Luke till he arrived unexpectedly on the houseboat equivalent of a doorstep. The only reason I'm here is because Luke and Dylan decided to come here. If they'd shown a modicum of common sense – something which they're not lacking as a general rule - I wouldn't be here at all. And I had no idea either of you worked here."

"He looked even more shocked to see me than I was to see him," admitted Sam.

"But… just now, you said you cared about each other," said Tom.

Sam sighed. "Of course I care about him! He's a good man, Tom. But that doesn't mean I want to tear up the divorce papers and jump into bed with him."

* * *

Amira took Honey's hand gently in hers. "We all do bad things sometimes. I know I have. But it's not usually because we want to hurt or deceive someone. I'll be honest: the reason we do it isn't always enough to make a difference. But unless the reason is explained, we'll never be sure if it's enough or not."

Honey stared straight ahead of her. She knew Amira could have thrown her out. She probably should have done.

But Honey was still here – and so was Amira.

"Do you know what happened the first time I worked at Holby?" said Amira. "I was an agency nurse. That was the day the air ambulance crashed into the side of the hospital and Grace Beauchamp, who'd already been in a car accident, was even more seriously injured."

"The day Ethan got trapped with that slut Alicia and got all obsessed with her?" asked Honey.

"That's right," said Amira. "The person who caused the accident was a little boy. His parents had split up and his dad brought him a toy drone. He couldn't control it and it hit the helicopter, causing it to crash. A lot of people died that day, but the boy never intended to hurt anyone. He just wanted to feel better. People can do pretty extreme things to stop something from hurting."

Honey looked up at her. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

Honey sighed. "I wasn't completely lying. It did happen. But it wasn't a couple of days ago. It was a year ago."

* * *

Zoe sat beside Ariana, holding her hand. "I understand why you did it. It would have been better if you hadn't – but you could say the same about hundreds of things I've done. However good our intentions are, we won't do the right thing all the time."

Ariana looked at the ground.

"Do you think Alfie is responsible for that site?" asked Max gently.

Ariana shrugged.

"Okay, Ariana. Let me see if I've got this right," said Zoe. "Alfie started asking you those questions and it made you think of the site and in that moment, you believed he was behind it?"

Ariana nodded.

"And now, are you completely sure he did it?"

Ariana shook her head.

"Okay," said Zoe. "Alfie's mum, Rita, is also aware of this site and is very concerned – she doesn't think it's Alfie, but some of the information there is quite worrying. She's told the police."

Ariana gasped and looked fearfully at Zoe.

"I don't think there's any need to tell the police what happened today," said Zoe. "I think it will just distract them from the real issue. It seems much more sensible to let them get on with their investigation in their own way. But as you are mentioned on the site, they might want to ask you a few questions."

Max nodded. "We know you don't want to talk now and that's fine. But when you're ready to talk about it, would you be able to let us know? Then we can help you decide what to say so you're prepared."

* * *

"Cal, what are you doing?" asked Jacob.

Cal turned to him in irritation. "Supporting my daughter. What do you think I'm doing?"

"No, Cal. You're talking to a child you're legally banned from having any contact with!" Jacob almost hissed the words.

Cal's irritation turned to amazement. "How the hell do you know that?"

"Connie told me," said Jacob.

"How the hell does _Connie_ know that?"

Jacob shrugged. "How does Connie know anything? But she knows, Cal. She asked me to make sure you two are kept apart."

Cal sighed. "Haven't you got some other patients you can bother instead?"

"Cal, I'm trying to help you," said Jacob. "I'm not going to dob you in and neither is Connie, but if the wrong person catches you, you won't be allowed to adopt Matilda. Is that really worth the risk?"

* * *

Connie tried to stop her anger from taking control. It was a long time ago. It was a mistake anyone could have made.

"I was treating the little girl," said Elle. "And then Grace popped into my head. I'm not blaming Grace or anyone else. This is no-one's fault but mine. But as soon as I thought of Grace, I froze. I called for another doctor to take over; I handed in my resignation the same day."

"Elle, why didn't you tell me?" said Connie, but as she asked the words, she knew. Elle couldn't have told her. Not after the things Connie had said and done.

"I've never really told anyone," said Elle. "I got over it by myself - or I thought I did - and when I heard Zoe needed you, I agreed to come almost without thinking about it. But being back in cubicles again, I couldn't cope. Jacob had to help me."

"And so you've been hiding in here," said Connie softly. She touched Elle's hand. "Thank you for telling me, Elle. I know it can't have been easy. But I think the fact you came back here showed it was what you wanted to do. And I'm going to help you."

Elle looked at her in disbelief. "You'd help me? After what I did?"

"You saved my daughter's life," said Connie. "Whatever else happened, that fact is indisputable." She held Elle's hand tightly. "We'll sort this out. Don't worry."

There was a knock at the door and Rita poked her head round. "Connie, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't be doing this. I've been asked not to do this, but -"

Connie was on her feet. "Is it Grace?"

"She fainted during a therapy session," said Rita. "She's in cubicles. We think it's just a faint, but with her history…"

Elle was the one who took Connie's hand this time.


	110. Chapter 110

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I agree it's not worth the risk for Cal to see Matilda now, but will he actually listen to Jacob? He doesn't listen to most people. I think Sam probably will always care for Dylan in a way. I've been watching her episodes - she's quite distant with him, but she's considerate of him. Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I struggle to keep up with everything too! I was looking through David's scenes because I couldn't remember if he knew something and I noticed a Cal and Alicia scene I'd completely forgotten about! I'm glad you like the Cal and Jacob scene. I thought suppressed anger might work better than screaming at each other, which they have both been known to do in their younger days. I'm still watching lots of Tom and Sam - I love Sam's bluntness. She's funny and I'm happy if I've captured that. I can see why she and Dylan liked each other - they both say exactly what they mean. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Maybe Connie and Elle will become friends, as Connie and Zoe did. I think they could both do with a friend. I thought Amira might be the right person to deal with Honey: she seems good with mixed-up people. Did you know she's in Saturday's episode? Cal is quite sentimental in his own way!

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. It must have been really hard for Olivia. She's probably got lots of advisors and people around her, but that's not the same as family and friends. Cal is very lucky it was Jacob and no-one else! Though if it had been Connie, Cal would have left before she'd even finished speaing!

 **EDSidekick** , I'm glad Honey's behaviour makes some sort of sense! I think a lot of people in that kind of situation wouldn't behave logically, but there usually needs to be some kind of logic in fiction! I didn't know Connie and Elle were going to fall out when I wrote Elle into the story and I thought they'd be friends because of Jacob, but I'm glad I was able to use the storyline in some sort of way! I'm glad you liked the line about Connie knowing everything. It seemed inconceivable that Connie could have been in the hospital for a good 12 hours and not know absolutely everything! She probably knows what Rita's up to too. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm sorry you've been feeling unwell. Physical illness can make mental health even worse. I hope you're feeling better now. I'm glad you're enjoying all the twists. Jacob is right, but as you say, it's going to be hard for Cal to leave his baby. It must have been very hard for Honey - it could explain why she's so difficult! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Grace glared at Connie. "What are you doing here? Get out!"

"I'm not leaving till we know what's wrong," said Connie, trying to keep calm.

"It's none of your business what's wrong!" snapped Grace. She turned on Rita. "How dare you tell my mum? That's a breach of confidentiality and I will be making a complaint. Both of you, just leave. I don't want anyone treating me unless I can trust them and that does not include you."

David touched her shoulder. "You need to calm down, Grace." He looked hesitantly at Connie. "Perhaps it would be best…"

Connie turned on him disbelievingly. "You're turning me out of my own cubicle?"

"Grace is my patient," said David apologetically. "I have to listen to her."

* * *

Cal looked helplessly at Jacob, then at Matilda. "I can't leave her."

"You have to, Dad," said Matilda quietly.

It hurt her to say it, but Jacob was right.

"Matilda, I can't!" Cal sounded like he was hurting too. "I love you. You just watched your mum… do something in front of you that you should never have to see. And now your adoptive parents tried to get to you too… you need me!"

"I need to know you'll be there for the rest of my life," said Matilda, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm sure I can manage for another few weeks. It'll be hard, but I'm sure I can do it. But I can't go the rest of my life without knowing you're there."

"Of course I'll be there, Matilda!" said Cal. He held her hands tightly. "We'll just have to make sure we don't get caught, that's all."

"We've already been caught," said Matilda, nodding towards Jacob. "And next time, it might not be someone who understands. And this isn't just about me." Matilda looked into his eyes, desperate to make him understand. "Do you know what this could do for your career; your whole future? I can't let you take the risk."

* * *

Dylan K watched from a distance as Sam kissed Tom goodbye left the hospital. He was glad that had been sorted out. It was a complication he didn't need.

But now he had another complication to sort out.

Dylan was typing something into her phone.

"What are you doing?" Dylan K said in alarm.

"Giving my friends an update," said Dylan.

Dylan K didn't know what to do. His instinct told him Dylan was telling the truth, but it looked as though Dylan was as good at lying as she was everything else.

He looked at Chloe. She seemed close to tears.

"Dylan… do you have any concept of what you've done?" Dylan K couldn't keep the pain from his voice.

"Yes, I know exactly what I've done," said Dylan calmly.

"But… why?" said Dylan K.

"I don't think it would help if I told you that," said Dylan. "Accept it, Dylan. Move on. It's the only way. For both of us."

* * *

Jez didn't know what to do. In his mind, he'd hardly changed from the silly young kid who'd made Iain's life a misery ever since his first day at the ED, when he'd allowed Cal and Ethan to hijack an ambulance.

But he knew he couldn't walk off and leave Sebastian.

Jez listened to his shaky breathing and saw Sebastian holding back tears. Jez had seen upset doctors loads of times, but he could tell Sebastian wasn't crying over a patient. He tentatively stroked Sebastian's arm. "Do you want to come and have a cup of tea?"

Sebastian shook his head, swiping at his eyes.

Jez remembered Rocker was in the office and decided not to push it. "What happened, Seb?"

"I'm just hopeless!" said Sebastians. "Everything I touch falls apart. I'm never going to be a consultant. I'm never going to achieve anything."

"Hey, that's not true," said Jez. He couldn't possibly know, but he had to say something.

Sebastian wiped his eyes. "I hoped no-one would be here who knew me."

"Quite a lot of us are," admitted Jez. "There's me, Iain, Lily, Ethan, Cal, Dylan, Louise, David, Noel… then Connie, Jacob and Elle have come back to help out. Alicia came to help a few days ago too."

He hadn't missed the way Sebastian cringed at Dylan's name.

"Though a lot of them aren't here today," said Jez quickly. "None of the consultants are. Well, Cal and Ethan are around, but that's because Lily – she's Ethan's wife now – is a patient and so is their son Caleb. But Dylan isn't here."

"I was really scared when I found out I was locumming here," admitted Sebastian. "But then I realised it was an opportunity to show I'd changed. That I could actually do this job."

"You don't have to prove anything to anyone," said Jez. "And you're still a doctor. That shows you've achieved something."

"I failed my FCEM Advanced eight times," confessed Sebastian.

Jez stroked his arm. "That must hurt, but a lot of people fail. Lily passed first time, but none of the others did – none of the younger ones anyway. I think Alicia took it four or five times. It's a really tough exam. Have you been locumming for long?"

"Seven years," admitted Sebastian.

"That's got to have an effect," said Jez. "Alicia had a tutor helping her, but she had to get someone new when she switched to St James'."

"I've never even had a tutor," said Sebastian.

Jez thought. "What about your dad? Isn't he a doctor?"

Sebastian's face hardened. "I'm hoping I'll never see him again!"

* * *

Sam had to smile. He should have known he'd never fool Alicia. "I lied to protect my son. I know Charlie's been hacking into the hospital records. I caught him. But he explained why he did it and I believe him. I didn't think there was any reason to tell the police – that would only confuse things."

Alicia looked at him curiously. "Why is he hacking into hospital records?"

Sam hesitated. "He told me in confidence."

"But I'm your wife!" said Alicia, hurt.

"I know, but I still can't tell you," said Sam. He felt guilty, but he knew he was right. "I'm sorry."

Alicia pouted – something she hadn't done for years, to Sam's knowledge – but then she sighed. "You're right. It's not my business."

"So, why did you lie for him?" asked Sam.

Alicia didn't look at him. "I wanted to protect him too, I suppose. I can see him doing that out of curiosity, to test himself, but I can't see him doing it for malicious reasons."

Sam would have liked to accept what she'd said. He really would.

But he knew Alicia too well and he knew there was more to it than that.

* * *

Ethan sat on the bed, one arm around a rather sleepy Caleb. "There you are. I'm sure you can use these modern phones a lot more easily than I do. We'll just sit here and wait for Mummy to call. And I'll be right there, so if you have trouble saying anything, I'll talk instead. I know these video calls are weird. The first time I had one, I nearly dropped my phone in shock. Though Uncle Cal did look a complete mess…"

The phone rang.

Caleb pressed the button to answer it and Lily's face filled the screen. "Mummy!"

"Hi, Caleb," said Lily, waving. "How are you?"

"I'm tired and I'm worried about you," said Caleb.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine," said Lily. "I just need to rest. I'm very tired."

"I love you, Mummy," said Caleb.

Ethan felt a lump in his throat.

"I love you too, Caleb," said Lily. "And I'm so sorry you didn't see me for so long. I love you so very, very much. I thought of you and missed you all the time. You are my handsome, clever, brave son and I am so proud of you. When we get out of hospital, I will live with you again and everything will be different and better. I promise."

Caleb regarded Lily's image, a very serious expression on his face. "Do you still love Daddy?"

"Oh, yes!" said Lily, her face lighting up. "I love Daddy very, very much. And Daisy and Alice. I miss you and I can't wait to see you again, but the hospital staff are very strict. I have to be very strict because I'm the big boss of the ED, but that means everyone wants to be very strict with me too!"

"I hope they're not nasty to you, Mummy," said Caleb anxiously.

"Not at all," said Lily. "Everyone is very kind."

They talked for a few minutes more, but Caleb's eyelids were drooping. Ethan persuaded him to say goodbye to Lily and helped him to lie down. Once Caleb was asleep, Ethan slipped outside and called Lily back. "Thank you for doing that, Lily. I love you so much."

* * *

"I'd like to talk about it now, if that's okay," said Ariana in a small, clear voice.

Zoe didn't even try to hide her relief. "Thank you, Ariana. That's very brave of you."

Max nodded. "But if you need a break, just let us know, okay?"

Ariana nodded, then a look of uncertainty filled her face and she looked down again, fiddling with her school blazer.

"What would you like to say first?" asked Zoe.

"Why would the police want to talk to me?"

"Because you're mentioned on the site," said Zoe. "They might want to know if you have any idea who did it."

"But they should be able to trace the computer," said Ariana. "It might take a while if it's still registered with a previous owner and if the person has been making the posts in different locations. But they can do it."

"Yes… that's true," said Max, a worried expression on his face. "But the thing is, Ariana, there's another problem too. It looks as though this person has been accessing hospital records. So if anyone's been doing that, the police will find out."

"Max, not now," said Zoe quickly.

Ariana was staring at Max, her eyes wide with panic.

"Ariana, we know you accessed the hospital records using Dr Keogh's login," said Max. "We know it wasn't so you could post private information online. You wouldn't do that. But the police might want to know why you wanted to access the records. And we'll be able to help you more if you can tell us why."


	111. Chapter 111

**westlife4ever80** , David certainly wouldn't dare kick Connie out of her own cubicles now! He's technically doing the right thing, but I'm not sure Connie would see it that way, even though she's usually very good at respecting the patients' wishes. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it must be difficult when children grow up and sometimes they know better than their parents! I think it probably meant a lot to Lily to see Caleb so excited to see her. I doubt her own family were ever that demonstrative. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like how mature and adult Matilda is being - even though she's being mature than Cal at the moment, he's the reason she's developed enough confidence to do that. Connie and Grace do need to make up - they need each other!

 **bronny9** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed this update.

 **Applealice10** , it will be a few more chapters till you find out a bit more about Dylan's reasons, but I hope it will make sense when you do start to find out. There's a bit more of Tom and Dylan in this chapter. He and Sam will be back in later chapters. Now I'm getting to know them, I really like them. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I agree it would probably help if Ariana talked to Zoe and Max - they are very understanding. I think Jez has grown up more than he realised! I think Amira would be a good regular - she seems quite similar to Rita. They're both tough when needed but they can also be very gentle.

 **The BeautifulNerd** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you enjoyed the latest chapter, even though it probably didn't make a lot of sense! If you do go back and read the story from the beginning, I hope you enjoy it! It has turned out a lot longer than I was expecting.

* * *

"I wanted to see my medical records," said Ariana, not looking at Zoe or Max. "I wanted to know what the doctors had said about me."

Zoe was filled with relief. It was worrying, but it was what she'd expected and hoped for – and so much better than it could have been.

Ariana lifted her head. "I didn't look at anyone else's records."

"We know you didn't," said Zoe firmly.

Max nodded in agreement.

"The last time I saw my therapist, she said things," said Ariana. "It sounded like she thought I was making things up to get attention. I couldn't stop thinking about it."

"I'm sure she doesn't think that, but I can understand why you were worried," said Zoe.

"Did you find anything on your medical record?" asked Max.

Ariana shook her head. "My mental health notes weren't on there."

Zoe reached for her hand. "I'm sure there's no need to worry, but if you want to see your mental health notes, we can put in a request to see them. That's no problem."

"Thank you," said Ariana, but she clearly had other worries now. "What are we going to tell the police?"

"I think we should tell them the truth," said Zoe. "I can't promise they'll understand how strong your paranoia can be, but we'll do everything we can to help you explain. And it's hardly your fault Dylan had such an obvious password."

* * *

Tom finished looking through Dylan's notes and nodded. "Okay. I've looked at your latest blood results and checked the readings on the monitor and I've come to a decision about what we need to do with you next." He handed the notes to Dylan. "But I'd be interested to hear your opinion."

Clearly, Dylan K hadn't told him.

"Dr Kent, you're the doctor," said Chloe. "Dylan's a child."

If she'd seemed angry, Dylan might not have minded it so much. But she seemed hurt. Shocked. She'd asked Dylan so many questions. Dylan usually excelled at answering questions, but this was something she couldn't explain.

"A child with promise," said Tom. "A child who's in danger of letting her significant talents go to waste if we don't give her the proper encouragement."

"I think she's had too much encouragement," said Chloe, her voice low and unsteady.

Tom glanced at Chloe, then back at Dylan. "Okay, Dylan. I've decided that as your bloods and your readings are normal, you no longer require treatment. But as you haven't had much sleep and as you had such an eventful day yesterday, I don't think you should return to Holby until tomorrow."

* * *

Robyn was enjoying herself. She was sitting on the sofa with Ava beside her. Archie and Riley were on the floor at their feet – Riley apparently none the worse for his little escapade - while Noah and Sienna sat happily in the playpen.

Lofty appeared in the doorway with a smile on his face.

"You look pleased with yourself!" said Robyn. It was good to see him happy. He'd been spending most of the day looking guilty.

"I've been speaking to child-minding agencies," said Lofty.

"But we don't need anyone yet," asked Robyn. "You were going to take some time off work."

Lofty nodded and came to sit beside Ava, who climbed onto his lap. "There. Are you comfortable? Hold tight: I'm just going to move a bit closer to Mummy." He managed to do it without kicking Archie or Riley. "I am taking time off, but I thought I should arrange this as soon as possible."

Robyn smiled. "That's very organised of you, Senior Charge Nurse Chiltern."

"Only the best for the former – and I'm sure future – Charge Nurse Chiltern." Lofty kissed her. "Our childminder is coming next week to meet us and the kids – they like to come and see us all beforehand so we're not leaving our kids with a complete stranger."

"That sounds good," said Robyn, but she had a feeling there was more.

Lofty smiled. "Our childminder is called Oliver Hide."

Robyn's eyes widened. "David's son?"

* * *

Cal held Matilda tightly in his arms. "I love you, Matilda. You know that, don't you?"

"I love you too, Dad."

"As soon as this stupid ban-thing is lifted, I'm coming to find you and I'm going to take you home with me and be the dad I always would have been if I hadn't been so stupid as to give you away."

"You're not stupid, Dad," said Matilda. "You're the best man in the world. I don't mind about the decision you made then. I only know about now and you're the perfect dad for me."

"And you're the perfect daughter," said Cal tearfully. "I love you so much. And if there's anything you need, I want you to promise me you'll… ask Dixie. I've known her since before you were born. She's one of the best. And if there's anything you need while you're in here, Charge Nurse Masters will look after you. You'll be okay, Tilly. I'm going to miss you so much, but you're with good people. People I trust. And soon, we'll be together again. I promise."

* * *

Honey was shaking as she and Amira left the cubicle.

"I'll stay with you and I'll help you explain," promised Amira.

Tears fell down Honey's cheeks. "He'll hate me."

"I can't promise he won't be angry, but he loves you, Honey," said Amira. "He might need time, but I'm sure he'll support you. Your dad's worked in this hospital for a long time. He's seen a lot of people doing things that seem wrong. But the thing about this hospital is we go a bit further than that. We don't just patch you up. We listen to you. Not all pain is physical."

Honey nodded and wiped her tears away.

They arrived at the relatives' room. She knocked on the door and pushed it open. "Hi, Noel."

There were three people in the relatives' room. The other two ignored Honey and Amira, but Noel jumped to his feet and rushed over to them. "Honey, are you okay?"

"Honey's physically fine," said Amira. "But we need to talk to you."

The couple got to their feet. "We're going to get a coffee, so we'll give you some space."

* * *

Dixie said goodbye to Jess and turned to Olivia. "Mum's on her way, love. Have you decided what you want to do?"

"I'm not telling her," said Olivia. "Not yet."

Dixie nodded. "That's fine. As I said, you're a grown woman. You have no obligation to tell anyone about your marriage. But there are a couple of things I'd like to say – is that all right?"

Olivia nodded.

"First, I think Mum will understand," said Dixie. "It will be a shock for her; she'll be sad she missed your wedding, but although she's a bit younger than me, she grew up in a time where same-sex relationships weren't always understood. She knows prejudice still exists to some small extent today. She knows that means sometimes you have to make sacrifices. But it's up to you, love. It's your decision to make. It's not my business to tell her without your consent."

"Thank you," said Olivia softly.

Dixie touched her shoulder. "The other thing's a bit more difficult. It's likely the police will want to speak to you more and once you're discharged, they'll be coming to the house. Now, it's your home and you have every right to speak to the police privately. But if the police have caught up with Cameron and he's mentioned you're his wife, the police probably won't realise you haven't told us. If you like, I can get in touch with them and explain the situation. If the police are anything like the ambulance service, messages don't always get to the right person quickly."

* * *

Connie was shaking her head. "But she's my daughter, Elle."

"I know," said Elle sympathetically. "But if an adult patient refuses to see a family member…"

"…then I can usually change their mind," said Connie. She looked helplessly at Elle. "But I can't do it for myself. Elle, will you talk to her for me, please?"

"I can try, but this is a bit different," said Elle. "When we reunited families, we weren't usually personally involved. Even if we had more sympathy for one party or the other, we were basically neutral. I'm not neutral this time. I'm emotionally involved."

"But we've got to do something!" said Connie. "There must be someone who doesn't know Grace. Dr Grayling: where's he?"

Elle stared at her. "Archie Grayling retired a couple of years ago."

Connie sighed. "Not that one. His son. Sebastian."

"Seb? He was at St James', the last I heard, but that must be over ten years-"

"He's here," said Connie. "He's a locum registrar. He was never the most competent – the fact he's still a registrar shows that - but he'll do. He should be in cubicles."

Elle shook her head in bemusement. How did Connie know all this? "I'll look for him."

She walked towards cubicles but stopped as a trolley was wheeled out of one of them. She instantly recognised the person on it.

So did Connie. "Grace…"

"Elle, can I have some help, please?" said Rita briskly. "She became very confused and photophobic; she vomited, then she started fitting. Her resps are very low. Sorry, Connie. You can't come with us."

"Don't tell me what to do in my own hospital!" hissed Connie. She turned to her daughter as they went to Resus. "Grace darling, it's Mum. Dr Gardner and Sister Freeman are with me. We're going to do everything we can for you, okay?"

"Connie, you can't treat her," said Rita, as she hooked Grace up to various monitors.

"Of course I can treat her!" snapped Connie. She looked down at Grace. "Okay, we need IV access, please, Rita, and 4mg lorazepam at 2mg/min. We'll also take FBCs, serum electrolytes, serum glucose levels, BUN and crenatine levels. Also urine electrolyte levels and toxicology screening. Jacob, can you organise an MRI and EEG, please. We might also do a lumbar puncture, just in case, but we need to check her intracranial pressure first. Rita, has Grace been on holiday recently?"

"I don't know," said Rita. "Connie, listen to me."

"I don't know either. She's my daughter and I don't know." Connie looked at Grace again. "I can't lose you! Not now." She began to tremble. "Not this again. No."

Rita moved towards her. "Connie."

Connie swung to face Elle. "You've got to treat her for me."

Elle backed away. "No. No, I can't."

"Please!" Connie came towards her and seized her by the shoulders. "You can do this. I know you can. You did it before. You've got to save my daughter!"


	112. Chapter 112

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it is good Connie has faith in Elle - she could so easily have insisted on doing it herself! It will give Elle a confidence boost if it goes well. It is extra special when Matilda calls Cal 'Dad' in this story because she's doing it by choice. Baby Matilda probably thinks it's his name. Thank you for your review.

 **bronny9** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the update. There might be something you'll like in the chapter after this one!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Connie often does have tunnel vision! It probably helps her in her job but not so much when she's dealing with people. I've only seen Ollie Hide once so I'm not sure what he's like, but he's much older now and could be very different. Sebastian was a fool but he was in love! (Perhaps I should show similar understanding to Ethan.) Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you liked the scene with Dylan and Tom. I wasn't sure whether Tom should be told what Dylan had done or not, but as it's not relevant to her medical care, I thought he probably wouldn't know. I'm really happy Cal and Tilly's relationship works - there are so many romantic stories where you really want two people to end up together and it's nice to be writing a father-daughter version of that. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Even Cal does the right thing in the end sometimes! Let's hope he manages to stick to it. He's never had very good willpower, but his love for Matilda is very strong, so let's hope he can do it! When I wrote the last chapter, I didn't know Elle would save Grace's life at the hearing, so that scene probably doesn't make quite as much sense, but I'm glad you like it.

* * *

Elle read the desperation in Connie's eyes. "I'll do it." She'd done it before, after all. Technically, she'd done it twice.

"Elle, we can call for another doctor," said Jacob gently.

"No! I trust Elle," said Connie fiercely. "I'm not letting any of those locums touch her!"

"What about Zoe?" suggested Jacob.

Elle hurried over to Grace. "No. We're wasting time. Arrange everything Mrs Beauchamp asked for, please. I can do this."

* * *

It hurt Cal to leave her.

His daughter; his only daughter (as far as he knew), who needed support and protection so badly.

But she was right. Leaving her was the best thing he could do for her.

He'd intended to go to the relatives' room to check Matilda's parents hadn't gone walkabout, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep calm if he saw them. In any case, they were with Louise. Louise was the most terrifying person in the ED after Lily. And Connie, of course, now she was back.

It had only been a few minutes, but Cal missed Matilda. He was worried about her, but he also admired his little girl. She'd grown up so much in the short space of time he'd known her. She understood their situation and had the strength to insist Cal did the right thing. She had so much more strength than he did.

But so much might happen before she was returned to him and he was afraid.

So afraid.

* * *

Dylan was tired. So, so tired and not just physically. She didn't want to leave her hospital bed, but she knew she had no choice. She'd somehow have to deal with everything and hope there was something left of her by the time she came through the other side.

She'd made such a big mistake. At the time, there had seemed no harm in it at all, but she'd misjudged the situation and all she could do was face the consequences.

"Dylan, hurry up. They might need the bed." Chloe's voice was anxious and shaky.

Dylan hated the thought that she'd caused it. It seemed as though her mother was afraid of her. Dylan was used to people being intimidated by her intelligence and she did her best to show them she was reasonably normal under the circumstances, but she didn't know what to say to Chloe now.

She heard a light tap on the door and looked up to see Luke. The sight of him filled her with happiness, but it was soon replaced by pain. Even if he was ready to forgive her for what she'd accidentally done to Hazel, he'd change his mind about her soon enough.

"Dylan?" He approached her slowly; cautiously. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me and I don't blame you, but I talked to my mum. She told me how kind you were. She told me it didn't hurt and you were better than the doctors. She told me I shouldn't be angry with you and she's right. I'm so sorry, Dylan. Please will you forgive me for being so stupid?"

Dylan smiled sadly. "It's not stupid to take your mum's side over a girl you haven't known very long."

"I should have known you better," said Luke.

Chloe gave a soft, sad sigh.

Dylan knew she had to do it. "Luke, I do want to be with you. I promise I only wanted to help your mum."

"I know that," said Luke. "And I want to be with you too."

Dylan forced herself to look at him. "But I need to tell you something."

* * *

Rita was clearly torn. She glanced back towards Resus, then looked at Iain. "I can't go with you. I'm sorry."

"What's happened?" said Iain. He put his arm around her. "Don't worry about going to the police. We can go without you or we can wait for you. What's happening with the facebook site is worrying, but at the end of the day, you're saving lives here."

Rita nodded and looked down at the bottles she was holding. "I need to get some bloods sent off." Her lip trembled. "It's Grace. She collapsed, then she had a seizure. It's not looking good. I really need to…"

"I'll go with you," said Iain gently.

Once the bloods were dealt with, he walked Rita back to Resus, his arm tightly around her as he silently vowed to support his wife and do whatever she needed.

He didn't even feel much relief that Rita was able to put the issue of the facebook site aside and concentrate on saving Grace's life. The fact that she was able to do this might show that she wasn't as obsessed as Iain had feared – but he could never be glad to see someone he knew needing emergency medical treatment.

"I should get back in there," said Rita. "Elle's dealing with it and she's got Jacob and David; she's got a good team around her. But I'd like to be there too."

Iain stared at her. " _Elle_ 's dealing with it? After…"

"Connie asked her to," said Rita. "She didn't want anyone else. I would find her another doctor as support – it's just her and Connie; no other doctors – but who else would Connie trust? Cal and Ethan are around, but they have their own problems."

"I'll see if I can find anyone," said Iain. "I think Elle would be glad of support. We have to consider her as well as Mrs Masters." He kissed Rita. "You go back in there now and be the amazing nurse you are. You can do this, okay? I love you."

* * *

Alicia sat very still as she waited for Sam to return. He was such an incredible man. The fact she'd done exactly the same for Charlie meant little; she had believed it she owed it to her family after what she'd done to them. Sam had had no obligation to lie; nothing to try to make amends for.

But maybe he'd felt he had no choice. Alicia didn't know how it felt to be a parent. She didn't believe she'd ever find out. She'd accompanied Lily to IVF appointments and hated the idea of it, but she knew it might be her only hope. Adoption was a possibility, but Alicia wanted her own child. She couldn't see that her relationship with an adopted child would be different from her relationship with Charlie. It probably would be different because the child would be hers as a baby and she would be the only mother they knew, but Alicia couldn't imagine it being enough.

It didn't matter though. She'd proved today that she didn't deserve a child; that she was the same person she always had been; the sort of woman who tried to run away from her problems by jumping into the nearest man's bed. She'd thought she'd got past that stage and until today, she'd never cheated on Sam, but now she had and she had no idea if she could really trust Louis to keep quiet if she ever saw him again.

She'd be a terrible mother anyway. Matilda had asked her for help and she'd turned her away. She'd always wondered about her; always had some doubts about whether she'd made the right choice and now she knew she hadn't. She'd hurt the child who was basically her best friend's niece; she'd caused Matilda to suffer another year of abuse that might have continued indefinitely if she hadn't happened to meet Cal.

 _I'm a bad person… a horrible person. And I could be about to hurt Sam even more…_

* * *

Sebastian realised he'd hardly talked to Jez before. It was odd their paths hadn't crossed, but it hadn't been long before his feelings for Dylan had developed and he hadn't wanted anyone else.

He was glad Dylan wasn't here. Their last encounter had been friendly, but that was part of the problem. Dylan had been so encouraging; he'd believed Sebastian had a future as a doctor. But he'd have expected Sebastian to have become a consultant long ago. He would be disappointed and disgusted if he could see him now. Especially if he knew what he'd done.

Who was he kidding? He wasn't a good doctor. A good doctor wouldn't have taken Matilda to see her abusers. Cal said it wasn't his fault and he couldn't have known, but a good doctor _would_ have known.

"Hey, it's okay," said Jez, drawing Sebastian into his arms and holding him. "Whatever's happened, I'm sure it'll work out. And if you want to tell me, I'm quite a good listener when I stop talking."

There seemed little point in hiding it. "I nearly took a couple of relatives to see the kid they abused."

He half-expected Jez to push him away, but he didn't. "I know that must feel awful, but's difficult sometimes. It's a busy ED. You have to make quick decisions; you don't always know all the facts."

"Her file hadn't been updated," said Sebastian. "Not her online file anyway. I couldn't find the other one."

"Then that's definitely not your fault," said Jez. "And files do go missing. Someone must have put it back in the wrong place and to be honest, that doesn't surprise me. There's locums everywhere. Er… no offence."

Sebastian smiled slightly. He wasn't offended. He liked it when Jez hugged him. "Where's Dylan?"

"He's gone to London. Some kind of family problem."

"Family?" said Sebastian. "You mean like wife and kids?"

"Little brother and stepmother I think," said Jez.

"Didn't Dylan have a little sister too?" asked Sebastian.

"Yeah, but she's his-" Jez stopped as Iain appeared.

"Sebastian?" said Iain.

Sebastian nodded nervously.

"You're needed in Resus."

* * *

Matilda wished Dixie was there.

Olivia obviously needed her more. She was more seriously hurt and she'd been the focus of the attack and she was Olivia's stepmum. Dixie was right to put her first. She had so much more to worry about than Matilda.

But Matilda was afraid. Cal had gone; even Jacob had gone. And her parents were out there. She knew Cal would do everything he could to keep them away from her, but what if he couldn't do it? Cal was the most wonderful man in the world, but he had a lot of people to worry about at the moment. If Lily, Ethan, Caleb – or a patient – needed Cal, then he would have to go to them.

But in the meantime, Matilda was alone.

She gasped as the curtain was torn roughly aside. Two figures smiled down at her.

"Hello, Matilda."


	113. Chapter 113

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you could be right about it being Matilda's foster parents! And if it is, they could try anything. Cal really did hate leaving her and he'll feel even worse if you're right and it is her foster parents. Thank you for your review.

 **bronny9** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you enjoyed the update. There's a Cal and Ethan scene in this chapter - you might like it.

 **Applealice10** , if you're right about it being Matilda's foster parents, I think Cal will always feel bad about not going to check they were still where he left them. I thought it was about time I got Dylan and Luke back together. They've got a scene in this chapter too. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Sebastian definitely deserved another chance as he did leave too soon, but I think part of the problem was that Archie kept upsetting him - I hope St James' didn't give Archie the free run of the ED like Holby did. I think Cal is definitely one of the most wonderful men in the world!

* * *

"So, Matilda," said Mrs Meadowes. "You've been telling lies about us again. But why would we expect anything else?"

Mr Meadowes spoke in a whisper as he stroked Matilda's hair. "You won't get away with this, you know. They won't find any evidence because there's none to find. We're two kind, respectable, loving parents and you're a nasty, toxic little girl. You'll have to come back to us. Back to our loving family home."

Matilda's skin crawled as Mrs Meadowes took her hand. "We'll help you to realise the errors of your ways. We'll do whatever it takes to help you see we are right and you are wrong."

"I hope you can see how kind we're being to you," said Mr Meadowes. "We could have let you go, Matilda. After all, you've never loved us. All you've ever done is break our hearts. How do you think we felt when we found out you were sleeping with Dr Knight?"

Matilda gasped. "I'm not sleeping with Dr Knight! He's my dad!"

She gasped as Mrs Meadowes' knuckles rapped lightly but painfully against Matilda's injured wrist. "You always were a liar, Matilda. Your mother is a criminal and no-one knows who your father is."

"It's not your fault you're such a worthless human being," said Mr Meadowes. "I suppose we've only proved that nature wins over nurture. We've been blaming ourselves, but perhaps there's nothing anyone could have done."

"But we're not giving up," said Mrs Meadowes. "We're good people, Matilda, and we're never going to give up. But we'll obviously have to watch you very carefully. We won't be letting you out of our sight again."

* * *

"Do you know how long you'll be staying?" asked Tom.

Dylan K told himself he didn't care if the question came from a desire to be rid of him. "I'm not sure. Dylan and Chloe might return to Holby tomorrow, but I'll stay until Luke's ready to leave."

Tom looked at him curiously, then a smile came to his face. "But you'd rather be going back with Dylan and Chloe."

"Perhaps," said Dylan K. He didn't know how to say Dylan might need him most of all.

"It can be frustrating, being in someone else's hospital," said Tom. "I was just the same when Sam gave birth. Both times."

Dylan K felt his jaw dropping. "You and Sam have children?"

Tom nodded. "A boy and a girl. Twelve and fourteen. Have you got kids?"

"No, though I played a big role in Luke's upbringing," said Dylan K.

"It looks like you've done well there," said Tom. "He's a good kid. It can't have been easy for him. And losing his sister too."

Dylan K looked at him in confusion. "His sister?"

It was Tom's turn to be confused. "Oh. I'm sorry. I must have made a mistake. But I was sure Hazel said something about losing a daughter."

* * *

It sometimes seemed to Connie that she'd spent half her life doing this.

Sitting beside Grace; waiting for a response that might never come.

"Grace, I'm here, sweetheart," she said, stroking Grace's hand. "I know you'd probably rather I wasn't. I know you felt I held you back from achieving your dreams and perhaps I did. I never doubted that you had the capability or the determination. Although you might not consider it a compliment, you've always been very much like me in that respect. But any job – even a job like yours, where you spend almost all the time sitting down - has physical demands."

She paused for a moment and reached out to stroke Grace's hair.

"Sitting in my office, doing my admin jobs; holding meetings; disciplining and advising the other doctors – that actually tired me much more than being out on the shop floor, saving lives," said Connie. "I was terrified it would be too much for you; terrified you would make yourself ill; terrified that you would fail because you didn't have the physical strength the job required."

Terrified… it wasn't a word Connie had often used to describe herself. But where Grace was concerned, it was often exactly how she felt.

"If you had failed, I would have loved you as much as ever and I'd have been so proud of you for having the determination; the courage to give yourself the chance to follow your dream. But I'd have worried for you because failure; knowing you've failed; being afraid of being judged for that… they're some of the most difficult things anyone could face. If I had to back anyone to survive failure, it would be you because you've survived so much more, but that doesn't mean it would have been easy and I didn't want to see you go through that."

Connie took a moment to breath; to control her emotions. After all, she was Connie Masters.

"But that says so much more about me than you; about _my_ weaknesses. I wanted to keep you close to me and protect you forever; I wanted to ensure you took on no challenge but that which you could be certain of completing. But I was wrong. I should have encouraged you; listened to you; helped you. I don't blame you for pushing me away. But now, I'm willing you to wake up now and tell me what you need. Whatever it is, I will do everything in my power to help you achieve it. I doubt you'll need me, Grace. Not when you've achieved so much alone. But I'll be here."

* * *

Dixie knew it wasn't an easy decision to make. There was so much to be considered. Of course Olivia didn't want to hurt Jess in any way, but she also had to consider her own feelings.

Dixie tried not to have any feelings either way. It wasn't her decision. But Dixie knew that if Olivia made the decision to tell Jess nothing, she would feel uncomfortable about hiding that from Jess. They'd been together for nearly fifteen years and married for most of that.

And as far as Dixie knew, there had been no secrets. Ever.

"Dixie, I've decided," said Olivia.

"What have you decided, lovely?" asked Dixie, trying to smile.

"Will you please ask the police not to say anything about it in front of Mum? I don't want her to know about Cameron. Not yet."

* * *

Ethan wanted to run up the stairs to get back to Lily, but he knew that would be asking for trouble, even if he didn't have his knee to consider. He made himself walk slowly, holding tightly to the rail. He was probably too old to be running up and down the stairs anyway. Daisy would be appalled if he even considered something so unseemly at his age; Alice would come to the conclusion that if Daddy was allowed to run up and down stairs, she should be too.

He wondered what his eldest daughter would have thought. Emilie had been such a happy baby. Ethan had a feeling she wouldn't have minded seeing her dad running up a flight of stairs. But of course, he couldn't be sure. He'd never had the chance to get to know her.

 _Oh, I miss you, my beautiful girls._

Ethan's eyes were misty as he rounded the next corner. Perhaps that was why he almost didn't see his brother sitting on the stairs, his head in his hands. "Cal, what is it?" Ethan sat down carefully, mindful of his knee and his coordination difficulties, and tried to take his brother's hands away from his face. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Panic lurched in his stomach. "Has something happened to Lily and the baby?"

"No!" Cal dropped his hands. "Nothing like that. It's okay. It's just… you'll be so cross with me. Your big brother messing up again…"

"Of course I won't be cross," said Ethan. "We all mess up." _Especially me._

"Matilda's in the hospital," said Cal. "I… saw her."

Ethan felt the faint stirrings of habitual exasperation, but he also felt sympathy. After all, he was a father too. "Is she okay? What happened?"

"She was out with Olivia and they were accosted by some stalker," said Cal. "He kicked Tilly's phone out of her hand when she tried to call for help. But after they'd gone, she did call." He smiled, though he was clearly upset. "She's a brave girl."

"She is," agreed Ethan. "Just like her dad. Um, not that you're a girl."

Cal looked surprised by the compliment, but he smiled and gave Ethan a hug. "Thanks. But there's another problem. No-one's changed her NOK details on her file. So one of the locums – remember Sebastian Grayling? - called her parents and told them she was here."

Ethan stared at Cal in shock. "Oh gosh! What happened?"

"Louise is keeping an eye on them," said Cal. "But I'm really scared, Ethan. Scared of what they could do to her."

* * *

Ella shook her head stubbornly. "No. They're not switching it off."

"You heard what they said, Ella," said Connor gently. It hurt him to say it. He hated it when he was a doctor; it was much worse saying the words to a friend.

"I know what they said," said Ella. "But he has cerebral cortex activity."

"I know," said Connor. "But the injuries to the brain stem are so severe. Even with the new medical advances…"

Ella folded her arms. "So you think I should just give up? Since when can you tell me what to do anyway? I know you're my senior when we're at work, but we're not at work, are we? And you've never even met my dad. You can't remember the times when he looked at me like I was the most important person on earth. You don't know how hard he tried to put me back on the straight and narrow. You don't know how hard he tried to get over his problems because he knew it was what I wanted. I can't just give up on him, Connor!"

"But you know he'll probably never…" Connor felt close to tears now, but he knew he had no right to cry. "And even if he does, he'll be…"

"He won't be," said Ella. "He's going to wake up. You don't know my dad."

* * *

"Dylan… why?" said Luke, a look of complete confusion on his face.

"I can't explain it," said Dylan. "Usually, when you do something, you know why, even if the answer is just that it's become habit. But sometimes… who knows? One moment of madness and before you know it…"

"I don't mean that," said Luke.

Dylan felt a jolt of fear. "What did you mean?"

"Why are you letting everyone believe you're the one behind the facebook site?" asked Luke. "You're _not_ , Dylan. You're psychologically incapable of doing something like that." He paused. "And right now, you're physically incapable of it too."


	114. Chapter 114

**Tanith Panic** , I hope it's still interesting. It has been going on for a long time! It helps that there are so many characters and the show provides me with new storylines and characters all the time. Luke has caught Dylan out... if he's right! I'm glad you don't like the Meadowes'. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think Matilda's parents go in more for emotional abuse than physical abuse, but they are going to be feeling very angry with her. Cal would never forgive himself if anything happened. Ash probably wouldn't be able to communicate even if he did remember Ella. Thank you for your review.

 **bronny9** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying the story.

 **Applealice10** , it is quite confusing! You will find out eventually whether Dylan is behind it or not. There might be more twists to come. I'm glad you like the bit with Cal. I think he's a very caring person, but his actions can often suggest entirely the opposite! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , it's a busy ED with lots of locums. A lot of people won't realise there's anything wrong even if they did see Matilda with her parents. Jacob shouldn't have left her; Louise shouldn't have let them go. Lots of crises and errors! It's difficult for Dixie, but she's done the right thing Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Tilly's parents really don't deserve her - they really are horrible to her and even I have no idea why! Cal has reported them so that should help, but the police are clearly taking their time. There's another Connie and Grace seen in this chapter, but it's not really sweet... Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Luke, I know you don't want to believe it's me," said Dylan. "And that's sweet of you. But the police have traced it to my laptop."

"You haven't got your laptop with you," said Luke.

"I've got my phone with me," replied Dylan.

"But you said the police had traced it to your laptop," said Luke.

Dylan shrugged. "Not everyone uses the same device all the time. Obviously, they mean the main device is my laptop. But I often use my phone for social media."

"Not this time," said Luke.

Dylan looked away. "Luke… I'm sorry, but you've got to accept it."

Luke reached out and touched her cheek. She shivered at his touch and almost smiled as he gently turned her face towards him. "Dylan, listen to yourself. You can't even say straight out that you did it. It's all 'the police did this'; 'the police found out'. You've never once said that you did it."

"Obviously, it's a difficult thing to admit to," said Dylan.

"Especially when you didn't do it!" said Luke. "Dylan, you're the most honest person I know. I'm not even sure you _can_ lie."

"Anyone can tell a lie," said Dylan. "Like… Dylan Keogh is a bad doctor." She could hardly say it without cringing. "That's a lie."

Luke laughed softly. "Dylan, I've just found out the one thing you're bad at. Lying. So come on. Look me in the eye and tell me you hacked into hospital records and posted personal, sensitive information about your friends online."

"Why would you want me to tell you that?" said Dylan.

"Because that's the only way I'm going to believe it's you."

* * *

"I have to tell you something," blurted Alicia.

Sam smiled and sat beside her. He put his arm around her. "I know."

"You… know?" said Alicia uncertainly.

"I know you have something to tell me," said Sam. He stroked her arm. "I was just waiting till you were ready."

Alicia closed her eyes. Could she really do this? Tell the man she loved she'd cheated on him?

"You can tell me," said Sam. "Whatever it is. I love you and I'll understand."

"I… I found out today that a girl I called an attention seeker really was being abused," said Alicia.

She felt even worse when Sam hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry, babe. It's so difficult sometimes. But you're not a mind-reader. I know you feel guilty; anyone would. Everyone gets that wrong sometimes and it's horrible, but it's no-one's fault."

Alicia started crying. "But she suffered for an extra year because of me."

"You don't know that," said Sam. "The authorities might not have acted on it. You might just have given the girl false hope."

"You don't know that," sobbed Alicia. "And I haven't even told you who she is. She's Cal's daughter."

Sam got it straight away. He always did. "Your best friend's niece."

"Yes."

* * *

Cal didn't want to make a big fuss about it, but he hoped Ethan knew how grateful he was. The old Ethan would have been irritated, if not angry; the new Ethan accepted he was a human being who sometimes made mistakes.

Then he berated himself for thinking of the new Ethan and the old Ethan. While he hadn't meant it as any reference to his illness, he'd always promised himself to avoid thinking about Ethan like that.

"I need to go and check on Lily," said Ethan. "Would you like to come?"

Cal nodded. Ethan stood with the aid of the rail and extended a shaky hand to Cal. Cal took it, pretending not to notice the tremor, and was careful not to lean on Ethan too hard as he let his brother help him up. He stayed close to Ethan as they walked to Lily's room, his senses on hyperalert. If Ethan fell, he would need to try to catch him.

Lily looked tired – she probably hadn't slept, just like the rest of them – but she smiled when she saw Cal and Ethan. Ethan went to her side and kissed her. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

Cal saw Lily melt at the endearment, not to mention the tenderness in Ethan's voice.

"I am still feeling tired, but I am not in pain," said Lily. "I am trying not to hope too much, but I'm trying not to assume the worst either. I believe neither would be helpful, either physically or psychologically."

Ethan gazed at her adoringly, and Cal smiled to himself. Despite the many things she had to worry about, Lily was still the woman Ethan had fallen in love with – even if it had taken him four years to realise he loved her.

"How is Caleb?" asked Lily. She turned to smile at Cal. "And Caleb?"

"Caleb is sleeping," said Ethan.

"And Caleb is…" Cal hesitated. He trusted Lily, but she had enough to think about. "Caleb is actually in a bit of a mess."

Lily reached out her hand to him. "It would actually surprise me a lot less if you were not."

* * *

Grace knew what was happening. She felt as though something was dragging her upwards and she knew what it was: wakefulness.

She didn't want to wake up.

"Grace?" said Connie's voice softly.

Anger coursed through Grace. It tensed her muscles and opened her eyes. She glared into her mother's worried face. "Go away!"

"Grace…" Connie didn't often show hurt, but she did then. "Darling. Please listen to me."

"Go away!" hissed Grace. She felt as though she was going to cry and she didn't want to do that in front of Connie. "This is all your fault and I hate you!"

Connie recoiled. "I… I'll go and get the doctor."

Grace closed her eyes and longed for sleep again. Everything was so much better when she was asleep.

* * *

David glanced around nervously as they entered the police station. Although he'd done nothing wrong, he couldn't help being afraid. It was difficult being different from most people. So many people assumed the worst, while others discounted your view on the grounds you were too weird to be right.

Things had improved to an extent. There was a greater understanding of mental illness; a greater understanding that there was more than one 'right' way to be, but David still saw fear, doubt and censure and it still hurt him.

Rita led the way to the desk and spoke to the man on the desk, explaining who they were and what they wanted to talk about. They were asked to wait, expecting it to be a while, but to their surprise, two police officers appeared fewer than ten minutes later.

Rita half-glanced at them, then a smile crossed her face. "Hi, Saskia! And is that Mikey? I'm so glad it's you two."

"We're not the senior officers on the case," said Saskia, "but we'll do our best for you." She greeted Iain, then introduced herself to David with a friendly smile which he nervously returned. "If you'd like to follow me?" She led the way to a small room. "Okay, so this is about the Holby High facebook case?"

"That's right," said Rita. "We've done a bit of digging and we've uncovered something rather odd."

"Oh, good!" said Mikey, evidently pleased. "I like odd. Even if there's nothing in it, it's usually a lot more interesting than a normal case. Who wants to be normal?"

David smiled. He liked Mikey already.

* * *

In all the time Dylan K had had a brother, this moment had been difficult. Not because the situation in any way bothered him: why would it? To his mind, Luke was exactly the same person he always had been, except now he was free to be himself. But divulging it to others: that was something that had never got easier because Dylan K didn't really feel it was his story to tell.

But he had to say something. If he didn't, Tom might say something to Luke about his 'sister'.

The second problem was even more serious.

He'd always believed Hazel felt as he did about Luke's transition, but the fact she saw herself as having lost Rihanna suggested otherwise.

"Dylan?" Tom looked at him uncertainly. "I didn't mean to pry. If I'm crossing a line…"

"No, it's not that," said Dylan K. "The facts are simple. Luke was named Rihanna at birth and was – and to an extent is still – biologically female. Psychologically, he has always been male."

Tom nodded. "Thank you.," He asked no questions; he simply accepted the situation. That was the standard reaction now.

Dylan K found he was looking for signs of disapproval. He stopped himself. He knew it came from his own issues with Tom and it was time he put those behind him. He'd thought he had. But evidently not.

Sam and Tom had had children. She'd told Dylan K she didn't want any.

Dylan K hadn't thought he wanted children either. He certainly hadn't thought he wanted Sam.

But now he wondered.

* * *

Louise had wanted to call out to them; to stop them from leaving.

But how could she? Her family needed her.

The chances of the abusers' finding their daughter were small. There were so many places she could be; so many people who could ask questions.

Noel and Honey needed her now. Louise had to put them first.

Amira sat with them, holding Honey's hand as she told them the truth; that she hadn't been assaulted that night in the club. Or not to the extent that she'd pretended.

Louise watched Noel's heart break. He was probably relieved his daughter hadn't been hurt in that way, but the fact she'd lied… A part of Louise wanted to rise and strike Honey, but something kept her in her seat, holding tightly to Noel's hand, as Honey explained it actually wasn't a complete lie.

"I just wanted… I don't know." Honey was crying now. "It happened and I couldn't tell anyone. I wanted someone to hold me and say it would be okay. But I thought you'd say it didn't matter; that it was a year ago and I don't need support. But I hate feeling like this! I just want it to stop."

Louise didn't want to hit her now. She wanted to hold her tightly.

But she couldn't.

She was Honey's stepmother, but she was also Noel's wife. If he rejected Honey, Louise would talk to him about it and try to change his mind, but for now, she had to support him.

Noel didn't say anything for a long while. The only sound in the room was Honey crying.

And then he spoke. "Get out."


	115. Chapter 115

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , 'poor Louise' reviews are always good because it means you're sympathising with the characters. It's especially good when they're not a character you usually like - and also good when it's a character I don't usually like because it means I haven't let my dislike take complete control! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , I'm glad you like the Dylan and Luke part. They're in this chapter too. I'm not sure Cal and Lily have even spoken for ages, which is sad as Lily might be quite a good support for Cal now he's become so focused on his career. They will be the perfect family once Matilda is back! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you think Noel's response to Honey is convincing. The Louise of fifteen years ago would have treated Honey as she treated Rita, but she is a bit less judgemental now. I'm so glad you like the Dylan K scene. He's a wonderful character, but not the easiest to write! I do love him.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I like Cal and Ethan's relationship better in most stories than in Casualty! They'll probably always argue sometimes, but they do love each other. I think Cal is gradually learning how to make a subtle fuss of Ethan. You could be right about Dylan! I like anyone who thinks normal is overrated.

* * *

Honey stared at Noel in shock. She'd known it was possible he'd react like this. She'd lied about being raped in the club. She'd taken up hospital resources by allowing them to examine her. But there were lots of things she hadn't done. She hadn't made up the story entirely and she'd refused to talk to the police.

"Leave," said Noel coldly. "I don't care where you go. Leave the hospital; leave my home." He turned to Louise. "Louise, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. You were right about Honey. I'm ashamed to call her my daughter."

"No!" gasped Honey, tears pouring down her cheeks. "Dad, listen."

"Don't call me that ever again," said Noel. "I've only got your word for it that you're my daughter anyway."

"Noel, I know this has been a shock, but you need to think about what you're saying," said Louise. "Honey went the wrong way about this, but she is still a victim of abuse."

Noel shook his head, his face contemptuous as he looked at Honey. "We've only got her word for it about that too."

* * *

Chloe was standing at the end of the corridor, looking out of the window. Dylan K hesitated to approach her: this was not his area of expertise and if Chloe wanted to be alone, that was a feeling he could very well understand.

But some things had to be said.

He walked briskly towards her, walking slightly more heavily than normal to be sure she noticed his approach. He saw her jump slightly and then turn; as soon as she saw Dylan K, she looked away again. Dylan K didn't take it personally. It didn't really matter to him whether she wanted to talk to him or not, but she needed to know something and he was the only person who knew the information and was willing to convey it.

"I never thought… I never dreamed," said Chloe, as he joined her at the window.

"No… and I _still_ don't think," said Dylan K firmly.

Chloe didn't pretend to misunderstand. "What do you mean? Of course she did it. She admitted it."

Dylan K shook his head slowly. "I'm not sure she did admit it. All we know is that she didn't deny it."

"What difference does it make?" asked Chloe impatiently. "The police said it came from her computer."

"Dylan doesn't have her computer with her," said Dylan K. "Updates have been made since she was admitted to hospital. It's possible they came from her phone, but I think the police would have mentioned it. Is it possible someone else has access to her computer?"

Chloe gasped. "Are you suggesting that I-"

"That you'd have the computer skills to operate Dylan's computer wirelessly from here?" said Dylan K. "With all due respect, I doubt it."

"But… Dylan probably could," said Chloe sadly.

* * *

Rita explained her discovery as clearly and concisely as she could. "It's possible it's a coincidence, but it's a pretty big one. The children who are being targeted the most have a relative in the hospital; now the hospital itself is being attacked. I haven't got as far as working out how it all works, but the coincidence seems too big not to be brought to your attention."

"It does seem a bit of a coincidence," admitted Saskia. "Of course, it might be exactly that. Sometimes children become friends because their parents are friends. If another child or group of children takes a dislike to this group of friends, it's usually nothing to do with their parents."

"Yes, but then why would they bother posting personal – and damaging – information about the hospital?" asked Rita. "If it was just the group of kids they hated, they wouldn't care about what jobs their parents did. They probably wouldn't even know. But they've not only found this out, they've attacked the hospital directly."

"Accessing hospital records is a more serious crime than gossiping about people online - and it's also a lot more difficult," said Iain. "It would be a lot of work and a big risk if all they wanted to do was to upset the children. Listen, I'm Rita's husband and I'm the first to admit she gets crazy ideas sometimes-"

"Hey!" said Rita, but she was smiling. Iain didn't mean anything and besides, he was right.

"-but this time, I really think she's on to something," said Iain. "And if there's even a chance my son might be in danger, then I want to do everything I can to keep him safe."

* * *

Even though she was expecting it, Dixie couldn't help smiling when she got the call from Jess. "Hi, love. Are you here yet? Okay. I'll meet you at reception. See you in a bit." She smiled at Olivia. "She's here."

Olivia smiled, but cautiously. Dixie thought it probably would be awkward between her and Olivia now. That was the trouble with keeping a secret. There were so many things you couldn't say; you needed to monitor your speech at all times. Dixie could relate to that. There had always been so much she couldn't say to her dad; she'd felt uncomfortable even going close to the subject.

But it was going to be tough having a secret from her wife.

Even before she reached reception, she saw Jess coming towards her. They shared a brief kiss, even now enjoying the fact no-one would bat an eyelid, then Dixie took Jess' hand and they walked towards Olivia's cubicle. "She's okay. She's a bit shocked and upset, of course, but she's not as seriously hurt as we thought and she's coping really well."

"How's Matilda?" asked Jess, and Dixie thought how like her it was to remember her new foster daughter even when her own child was so seriously hurt.

"She's fine too," said Dixie, feeling guilty that she hadn't seen Matilda yet. "I'll take you to Olli, then I'll go and see her if that's okay."

"Oh, yes, of course," said Jess. "She'll need some support and it's not as though Cal will be allowed to spend time with her."

Dixie had a feeling that wouldn't stop Cal, but she had no reason to suppose Cal would know. "I'll bring her to Olivia's cubicle after she's been discharged, then we can all decide what to do."

* * *

"Who is it?" asked Luke softly.

"I think you'll need to explain who you're talking about if you want the right answer," said Dylan.

Luke smiled, but sadly. "You know who I'm talking about, Dylan. If you didn't, you'd have said so."

"Perhaps I did just say so," said Dylan, wondering why she couldn't just lie to him. She didn't want to lie, but there was no way they could have this conversation now.

"You didn't," said Luke firmly. "Dylan, I know you didn't do this. So the only reason you'd be implying it is is because you're trying to protect someone."

"Who else would have access to my laptop?" asked Dylan.

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. But all the police know is that the laptop was registered in your name. If you sold it on to someone else when you got a new one, or even gave it to someone as a present, they wouldn't necessarily have bothered to change the name on the registration."

"Perhaps not, but that's outside my control," said Dylan.

"So, you did give a laptop to someone else?" said Luke.

"I didn't say that," said Dylan.

"You didn't say you didn't either."

* * *

Connie stood outside Grace's room, one hand pressed to her mouth as she tried not to cry. She should be used to this, of course. Her relationship with Grace had always been volatile. There had been a lot of rejections. Choosing to live with her father over Connie. Blaming her for the accident. Becoming angry when all Connie was doing was trying to make sure she didn't overdo it.

But every new rejection hurt just as much as the last. It wasn't something you could ever get used to. _She's my daughter. I'm her mother. And no matter what I do, she hates me._

"Connie, is there anything I can do?" Elle's voice was soft.

Connie was glad Elle hadn't asked if she was okay. That was what most people asked and that was another thing that hadn't changed over time: her lack of tolerance over the ridiculousness of that question. How could anyone in her position be okay? Even if Grace had welcomed her with open arms, she'd still collapsed and had a seizure.

"I… I don't know what to do," admitted Connie, her voice breaking.

She stiffened when Elle hugged her, but then she realised it was what she needed. To let go, just for a moment. To let someone else take control.

"Don't make any decisions quite yet," said Elle. "You've had a shock. You need to process it. I'll make you some tea and you can think about things; see what seems best to do. If you want to talk it over with anyone, I'm here. Whatever you decide, I'll support you." She paused. "Although… it is up to you, of course. But have you considered phoning Grace's father?"

* * *

Matilda was trembling so hard, she could feel the bed shaking too. "But I haven't been discharged yet."

Mrs Meadowes leaned close to Matilda. Too close. Frighteningly close. "Are you arguing with us already, Matilda? When you haven't even got home?"

"I… I'm just trying to explain…"

"Well, don't!" snapped Mrs Meadowes. "Whatever it is you think you know, you've got it wrong. You always get it wrong."

Mr Meadowes nodded. "This is what's going to happen, Matilda. We're going to take you home, then we're going to try our best to explain to you everything you've done wrong. We don't know if there's any point. We know you don't care. We know you probably wouldn't understand even if you did. But we'd be failing in our job as your parents If we didn't attempt to explain. So is that clear? Are you coming?"

 _No! No!_ screamed a voice in Matilda's head, but she was already getting up from the bed. She allowed her adoptive parents to take her arms and they walked out of the cubicle.

They were surrounded by people, but no-one knew. Everyone who looked at them saw a happy, caring family – and perhaps that was what they were. Perhaps it was Matilda who was wrong. Perhaps this was what needed to happen.

"Not far to go now, Mattie," said Mrs Meadowes sweetly. "Soon you'll be home with us. Soon you'll be safe."


	116. Chapter 116

_It's been a long time and this isn't something I expected to happen, but I am updating. I don't know if I'll update my other stories, but I was thinking I might._

 _As it's been so long since I've updated, I've written a Story So Far for the characters in this chapter. It's at the bottom of this update. So if you can't remember what's going on, that might help. In the past, I've changed the story to reflect recent changes in the episodes, but I don't think I'll include any of the most recent events. So Cal is still alive, Ethan has never let a patient die and Lily has never misbehaved in a hearse._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it might take Noel a long time to forgive Honey - if he ever does. If I write a few more chapters, you'll find out if Connie decides to ring Sam S. Matilda really needs Cal to appear right about now and rescue her, but he's with Ethan and Lily, so she might need another knight in shining armour! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , Matilda's parents are horrible - let's hope someone will come and save her! There's not much about Dylan and Luke in this chapter, but if I do write more of the story, there will be more of them. I think probably not many people do 'get' Dylan - most people like and respect her, but they're probably also a little bit afraid of her intelligence. Dylan K and Luke know she's actually quite vulnerable. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Cal hasn't done as he's told with regard to Matilda so far, but there's not much he can do unless he finds out what's going on! It is really horrible for Noel knowing Honey put him through so much fear and misery for nothing.

 **Is-there-somewhere-x** , thank you for your review and for somehow managing to inspire me to update again! I'm so glad you've enjoyed my stories. I'm sorry you're not enjoying Casualty anymore, but I definitely understand why! I might watch today's episode as I find the idea of it interesting and the fact it's written by one of the old Casualty writers might mean it's a better script, but I'm fully expecting to be disappointed.

Thank you also to **InfinityAndOne** and **Panic-at-casualty** who've also recently sent lovely pms.

 _Thank you to **cal-sualty** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

 _Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen_

"How did it go?" asked Jez.

Sebastian looked almost shy. "I saved a life."

"Well done," said Jez with feeling. He didn't doubt Sebastian had saved many lives in the time he was away, but coming back to the ED must have been difficult. The last time he'd tried to save a life here, he hadn't been able to do it.

"It was Mrs Beauchamp's daughter," said Sebastian. "Dr Gardner was there too. So it was difficult for all of us, but we got there."

"I'm glad," said Jez. He hesitated, then reached out to touch Sebastian's arm.

He felt Sebastian jump, but Sebastian wasn't looking at him. He was looking over his shoulder. "Jez, will you call security, please?"

"What!?" said Jez, still thinking about Sebastian. Was Sebastian asking Jez to call security on himself for sexual harassment?

"Just do it!" said Sebastian, and raced past Jez.

Jez turned to watch as Sebastian ran up to a group of people: a man, woman and child.

"I'm sorry. I can't let Matilda leave yet. We're awaiting the results of a scan; it would be very dangerous to let her leave now."

"But Matilda wanted to go," said the woman. "She was upset about being in the hospital. She says she feels fine and I trust her judgement."

"I'm glad Matilda feels fine, but when there's a risk of head injuries, the patient needs to be under observation," said Sebastian. "Not all symptoms appear immediately. Jez, stop standing around and do as you're told, please."

Jez saw the look almost of desperation on Sebastian's face and then he realised. "On it, Dr Grayling," he said, and hurried into the ED.

* * *

Louise didn't know what to do.

Noel was sitting in the relatives' room with his head in his hands. Honey had gone away somewhere with Amira. Louise had no idea why she was so torn between them: she loved Noel, and she and Honey were hardly the best of friends.

And Noel had a point. He had simply taken Honey's word for it that she was his daughter. Even if Honey's birth certificate proved she was born nine months after Noel's encounter with her mother, he'd never actually had a paternity test.

"What am I going to do, Louise?" whispered Noel.

"You need to take some time," said Louise. "Go home and think. What Honey did was definitely wrong, but I do kind of get it. Someone who was raped last week will often get a lot more sympathy from someone who was raped last year, but that doesn't mean she's not suffering. It could even get worse over time if you try to bury it and deal with everything on your own."

Noel said nothing.

"And you've got to admit it, Noel: she did do her best to avoid getting to this stage," said Louise. "She absolutely refused to speak to the police – she wouldn't allow them to waste their time on an invented crime. And she only agreed to come to the hospital because you wouldn't stop going on about it. She's done a lot of things wrong, but she could have done things more wrong than she did."

"She shouldn't have done it," said Noel.

"No. You're right. Honey went about this in completely the wrong way – I'm not arguing about that," said Louise. "She's really hurt you and I am angry about that. But what's the most important thing here? The fact your daughter gave us an edited version of the truth or the fact your daughter was the victim of one of the worst crimes there is?"

* * *

Lofty walked slowly out of the room, listening to the chattering of his family behind him.

His lovely, wonderful, amazing family, whom he'd hurt so much.

He'd always promised himself he'd do his best to take care of Robyn; to make sure every pregnancy was as happy and stress-free as possible. Her first pregnancy, before they'd got together, had been neither and Lofty didn't want her to go through anything like that ever again.

Of course, Lofty had never made her give birth in a graveyard, but he'd hurt her and stressed her out and not seen what should have been obvious to him as a husband and a nurse.

And now he was doing it again. Skulking around in the hall instead of supporting his family.

 _Dylan…_ he thought. _I need to talk to Dylan_.

But Dylan had family problems of his own. He couldn't be expected to deal with Lofty's too.

Full of self-disgust, Lofty returned to his wife and children, smiling through the pain.

* * *

Elle moved to the side of Grace's bed and smiled at her. "Hi, Grace. How are you?"

Grace looked at her coldly. "Did my mother tell you to speak to me?"

"No, she didn't," said Elle.

Grace's disbelieving look was unnervingly like her mother's.

"It was my idea, Grace." Elle paused. "But I would like to talk to you about your mum. I know families are difficult. I know your whole life has been difficult and Connie hasn't always made the best decisions." She cringed slightly at her own words: whatever bad decisions Connie had made, Grace wouldn't be in this position now if Elle hadn't made one of the worst mistakes of her career. "Sometimes it's impossible to know what the best decisions are."

"She made the decision _not_ to support me in what I wanted to do," said Grace. "She made the decision it was too much for me."

"She was concerned it might be too much for you," said Elle. "As a doctor and a mum, she couldn't help being concerned. But you have proved her wrong, Grace. You showed her just how strong and capable you are and I know she's very proud of you."

"Have I though?" said Grace bitterly. "Have I really showed her anything except that she's right and I can't cope with my job? If I could, I wouldn't be here now, would I?"

* * *

Lily was surprised to discover she almost admired Cal. Yes, he had been incredibly stupid, not for the first time, but his love for Matilda and his determination to be there for her and protect her was very touching. "I'm glad you were there, Cal."

The amazement on both brothers' faces almost amused her.

"The most important thing was that someone was there for Matilda," said Lily. "You were there. As a doctor protecting a child in danger, you acted correctly. You could not have allowed Matilda to see her parents. I hope the police won't find out about your involvement as that could make things more difficult for you, but I think it was very clear that intervention was necessary. Given a choice between keeping a child safe from abuse and keeping yourself safe from trouble with the police, you made the correct decision. "

"If there are any repercussions, Cal, we will support you," said Ethan.

"You've got enough to deal with," said Cal.

"Yes, but anything that affects you is part of that," said Ethan. "We're a family, Cal, and you're as much a part of it as me or Lily or our children. And I include Matilda in that. She's always been part of our family."

Lily nodded. "I agree with everything Ethan has just said. You're more to me than a brother-in-law, Cal. You're my brother."

Cal looked close to tears, though he tried to hide them behind a joke. "Okay, if I'm _your_ brother and Ethan's _my_ brother and you married Ethan, I think there's something slightly wrong here."

"You know exactly what I mean," said Lily with just the smallest touch of severity. "And as far as our family is concerned, there's nothing wrong at all."

* * *

They walked slowly back to the hotel together. It was partly exhaustion that weighed them down; partly the fear of what lay ahead. As a doctor, Dylan K would have recommended sleep for all of them, but he doubted it would be possible.

They had too much to think about.

He was glad Dylan and Luke seemed to be a couple again. Dylan K didn't normally have the slightest interest in the relationship of two teenagers, or in anyone else's relationship, but Luke had been special to him since he was a little girl and Dylan… perhaps she'd always been special to him too. He'd tried to pretend it had no effect on him at all, but it was a compliment if someone decided to call their baby after the doctor that had saved her. If she'd turned out frivolous and unintelligent, perhaps he wouldn't have been nearly so flattered, but he was proud to share her name.

When they were almost back at the hotel, Dylan K touched Dylan's arm and drew her aside.

She looked at him anxiously but steadily. She managed to smile.

Dylan K felt himself smiling back. "I just wanted you to know, Dylan. If you want to talk to someone. If there's anything you need to tell someone. You can trust me."

* * *

Ella looked down at Ash. It was so easy to believe that he was just asleep; that at any moment, he would open his eyes and ask why she wasn't at work. His breathing was deep and steady (though controlled by a ventilator); His face looked relaxed in sleep and free of the worries that had plagued him for the last sixteen years.

If he awoke, he would return to the agony. If she let him sleep forever, he would never have to suffer again.

She could leave him like this indefinitely, of course, but was that any sort of life?

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words stuck in her throat. She couldn't say them. She couldn't condemn her dad to die, even though she knew it was what he wanted.

"Ella." Connor caught her hands in his and turned her to face him. His gaze was gentle but steady. "You don't have to answer this now. It's a difficult question and you should take as long as you need to answer it. But I know how difficult it is to say the words, even if you do believe it's the right thing to say. So I'm going to ask you the question and all you have to do is nod or shake your head. If you shake your head, I won't ask you again today. If you nod your head, that isn't a complete commitment: there's still time to turn back; time to talk to as many people as you need; to spend as much time as you need alone and with your dad. So I'm going to ask you the question, okay?"

 _Okay…_ Ella's lips formed the reply, but she didn't think the word came out.

"Ella," said Connor, his eyes full of sadness, "do you think it's the right time to let your dad go?"

Ella noted he didn't ask if she _wanted_ it. He understood that she could never want that. He asked only whether it was the right thing and that was very different.

Ella nodded. "Yes."

* * *

 ** _Cal_** _, who is very much alive, has met a fifteen-year-old_ _ **Matilda**_ _. They formed an instant connection and Cal sheltered Matilda when she ran away from her abusive adoptive parents, but the police are now investigating Cal while Matilda is temporarily fostered by_ _ **Dixie**_ _. Cal lives with_ _ **Ethan**_ _and his wife_ _ **Lily** , who is now clinical lead_ _. They have three children, all conceived by IVF, including the very sensitive_ _ **Caleb**_ _, who is currently a patient in hospital, recovering from an infection. Lily is also in hospital with a threatened miscarriage. It's the first time she's conceived naturally and there's a 50% chance the baby will inherit Huntington's from Ethan, who has recently started showing symptoms._

 ** _Dylan_** _has met the baby who was named after him in the Series 30 opener. She's intelligent, articulate, empathic and she and Dylan K share a genuine mutual respect. Little_ **_Dylan_** _is dating Dylan K's half-brother_ _ **Luke**_ _, who used to be his half-sister_ _ **Rihanna**_ _. She recently had an appendectomy but travelled to a London hospital with Luke to see his mother_ _ **Hazel**_ _, who was attacked by Brian. Dylan K and Dylan's mother_ _ **Chloe**_ _followed them. Chloe has received a phone call from the police who believe Dylan may be responsible for a facebook site that posts personal information about students and hospital staff. Dylan hasn't denied it, but Luke believes she's covering for someone._

 ** _Sebastian_** _has returned to the ED as a locum. He's spent most of his career as a locum after his dad started following him from hospital and hospital and belittling him. Sebastian is still a registrar after failing FCEM a number of times. He was devastated after an admin error led to him calling_ _ **Matilda**_ _'s abusive parents to let them know their daughter was in hospital after an experience with her birth mother_ _ **Taylor**_ _, who is now in the psych ward. But he was given the chance to redeem himself when_ _ **Grace**_ _(now the hospital psychotherapist) collapsed and_ _ **Connie**_ _(now Mrs Masters, who's come out of retirement to help the ED) asked him and_ _ **Elle**_ _to help. Elle is also low on confidence: she left the ED after freezing in the middle of a procedure and is scared of the same thing happening again. Sebastian has confided in_ _ **Jez**_ _about what happened with Matilda._

 ** _Noel_** _and his wife_ _ **Louise**_ _are in a state of shock after_ _ **Honey**_ _told them she was raped and this was discovered to be a lie – though she was raped about a year before the alleged attack took place. Noel no longer wants anything to do with Honey._

 _Lofty has tried to be a good husband to his wife_ _ **Robyn**_ _by working all the hours he can, but Robyn, who is pregnant, has been struggling with their five children and was grateful for the support of a kind male friend until she discovered he was_ _ **Louis**_ _Fairhead. Louis was conspicuous by his absence when Charlie died a few years ago and Robyn can't forgive him. Lofty meanwhile can't forgive himself for not realising Robyn was struggling alone._

 ** _Ash_** _has never recovered from_ _ **Jeff**_ _'s death and has been receiving mental health treatment as well as support from his daughter_ _ **Ella**_ _, now an ED doctor herself. He is currently in ICU after a fall from a window (which might have been suicide) left him in a coma and probably brain damaged. The doctors have suggested to Ella that it's time to let him go. Ella is supported by registrar_ _ **Connor**_ _Christie, son of_ _ **Mercedes**_ _, who died from a drug overdose a few years ago._


	117. Chapter 117

_Thank you for the reviews and comments! As before, I'll explain the storylines so far at the bottom of the chapter._

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I don't think Noel did ever have a paternity test, so I thought it might be quite interesting if that was questioned. I'm sad for Ella too, but I did feel like I ought to kill someone! I like writing about Cal in the future. Most of my other stories are set before the stabbing, so it could theoretically still happen. But in this story, it obviously didn't!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I love Lofty in Holby. I think he's still the same person, but they're doing so much more with him as a character. With Rihanna, I had no idea of the gender of Hazel's baby, so I took a guess, got it wrong, and then got around the problem with a sex change! I liked writing about Sebastian doing the right thing for once. Thank you for your review. I love long reviews!

 **InfinityAndOne** , I think every story where Cal is alive should be canon! I wish Casualty would do a storyline where it turns out half the ED have been replaced by lookalike aliens. I think Dylan is sweet in his own way, but can you imagine his face if anyone said that to him? Louise isn't always the most empathic character, but every so often, she really surprises me! Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I have tried to keep the story in line with the series, but I couldn't bring Cal back from the dead and I hate that storyline anyway, so I'm very happy to ignore it! I think Dylan is more caring than he seems - he always works very hard for his patients and doesn't give up easily. But he doesn't let many people get close - just Zoe, Lofty and now little Dylan!

* * *

Connor touched Ella's arm. "You don't have to do this now."

Ella's eyes were full of pain. "Waiting isn't going to make it easier."

Connor knew she was right. He pulled her into his arms. He knew he was delaying her further; delaying the moment; prolonging the agony. "I'll be here, okay?" He would always be here. Even if all she ever wanted was to be friends.

Ella clung to him for a moment, her shoulders shaking. Then she let go and walked towards the door. She looked small and fragile. At the door, she stopped; turned. "Connor?"

He had to clear his throat before he could speak. "Yes, Ella?"

Her own voice was soft and scratchy. "Will you come with me, please?"

He didn't hesitate. "Of course I will, Ella."

* * *

Sebastian had never felt such relief as he did when he saw Security coming towards them, but the ordeal wasn't quite over. "I know you just want to get your daughter home. I don't suppose Matilda wants to be here either." _As **you're** here, it's the last place in the world she'll want to be._ "But I know you'll also want to make sure Matilda is completely well."

Almost without pausing for breath, he turned to smile at the approaching security guards.

"Hi. I'm Dr Grayling: these are Mr and Mrs Meadowes and her daughter Matilda." As he spoke, he moved quickly to catch Matilda's hand in his, pulling her away from her parents as he'd wanted to do ever since he'd seen them together. The security guards needed no further instructions: they caught Matilda's parents by the arms and hauled them away.

Sebastian put his arm around the trembling Matilda and hurried her towards the hospital. "It'll be okay, Matilda. I promise."

"I want my dad!" sobbed Matilda. "Cal, I mean."

Sebastian remembered all the times he'd wanted his dad. Mostly when Archie was right in front of him but hadn't been there in all the ways that mattered. "I'll see if I can find him."

"But Dixie won't let me see him," wept Matilda. "I don't want my dad to get into trouble."

"Of course you don't, but it's my fault he broke the rules this time," said Sebastian. He paused. He knew it was wrong, but the kid was distraught. "Listen. I'll give you my number. If you need to give Cal a message, text me. And if he wants to get a message to you, I'll pass it on."

* * *

"I need my phone," said Lily.

Ethan looked at her anxiously. "You're supposed to be resting, darling. Who do you need to call?"

"No-one," said Lily. "And I am resting. I am lying still in a bed. But I need something to help fill the time so I thought we should look for a new house."

The words were said calmly, but Ethan felt the force of them. He struggled to inhale.

"Ethan?" Lily caught his arm. "Ethan, what is it?"

"I'm all right," said Ethan, the air flowing freely in and out of his lungs now. "It was just a shock. But you're right. I will need a wheelchair soon and it will be quite difficult to adapt the house we've got."

It was Lily's turned to look shocked now. She held Ethan's hand tightly. "Ethan, I did not mean that."

Ethan looked at her doubtfully. "You didn't?"

Lily spoke gently. "I meant only that Matilda needs a room of her own and I don't want Cal to sleep on the sofa every night because can you imagine the state of the living room after a few days?"

"Hey!" said Cal, pretending to be annoyed, but then he bent and kissed Lily's cheek. "Thank you. For everything you've done for Matilda and me."

"As I said, Cal, Matilda is family," said Lily.

* * *

Robyn wasn't stupid.

You'd be forgiven for thinking she was after some of her recent behaviour . She and Louis had done nothing wrong and never would, but it was a risk she shouldn't have taken.

But she wasn't completely stupid and she could see her husband was unhappy.

She wondered for a moment if she suspected there had been something more than friendship between her and Louis, but she was sure that wasn't it. She'd told Lofty the truth and he believed her.

But something was wrong and she had a horrible feeling she knew what.

Robyn waited till the children were occupied with various games, then she moved closer to Lofty. "You mustn't blame yourself, you know. You have nothing to blame yourself for."

Lofty turned and smiled at her. "Don't worry about that, love. Everything's fine."

But it wasn't, and Robyn knew that because he hadn't denied blaming himself. "I mean it. None of this is your fault. I should have told you I wasn't coping."

"No. None of this is your fault, Robyn."

"Of course it is. But what else would you expect? It's just stupid old Robyn making another bad decision, just like she always does."

"Robyn…"

"I thought it would get easier," whispered Robyn. "I thought if I had more kids, I wouldn't miss her so much. And even though I hate Louis for not being there for Charlie, I know Charlotte wouldn't be there for me. But that's not her fault. It's mine."

* * *

Dylan paced the corridors quietly, but she wasn't surprised when the door opened. She turned, smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry, Dylan," she said softly. "Did I wake you?"

"With your pacing? No. I was actually about to do the same thing myself, though I was thinking of it more as a walk to the vending machine for a bottle of water than anything as overdramatic as pacing."

Dylan smiled. "Maybe I wanted some water too."

Dylan K shook his head. "If you wanted water, you'd be going in the right direction."

Dylan realised he was right. "I... didn't think I should go too far."

"You're one of the most considerate people I know," said Dylan K. "And the more I think about it, the more impossible-"

"Please don't think about it," said Dylan. "I need time. I need to think. There are things I need to do. If I was able to discuss this with anyone, I'd discuss it with you. I know you'd understand it better than most people and see it more clearly and not get distracted by irrelevancies."

"Certainly not," agreed Dylan K, but his voice was gentle.

"But I can't tell you," said Dylan sadly. "Not yet."

Dylan K put his hand on her shoulder. "Then how about we walk to the vending machine and restrict our conversation entirely to craniotomies?"

Dylan wanted to hug him, but of course she didn't. "I would love that, Dylan. Thank you."

* * *

The Walkers sat side by side on the sofa, Ariana between her parents. Max had his arm around Ariana. Zoe was holding Ariana's hand tightly as she explained Ariana's reasons for accessing the medical records and her strong belief that Ariana hadn't looked at anyone else's.

It was strange to be explaining this to Tess' daughter and Fletch's son, but reunions seemed to be happening all over Holby at the moment.

"Can you be sure about that?" asked Saskia.

Zoe knew she was asking because she had to, rather than because she disbelieved Zoe or Ariana. "When Ariana thinks someone has a negative view of her, it eats away at her. She really wants to know the truth. The obvious solution was to look at her medical records, so she did. Ariana is always very kind when someone needs help, but unless she's aware of someone needing help, she focuses on her own problems. In that state of mind, she wouldn't consider checking someone else's medical records. She was afraid her therapist hadn't written bad things about her and there would be no other thought in her mind. Someone else's medical record wouldn't give her the answer to that question."

Saskia nodded. "Thank you, Zoe. We can confirm that the only file accessed from Ariana's device was her own medical file. It's possible she might have accessed the others from a different device and we might have to consider that at some point in the future, but I don't think we'll be needing to do that."

Zoe heard the certainty in her voice and was surprised. "You have another suspect then?"

"I can't tell you that," said Saskia. "Sorry." She sounded like she meant it. "You were such a good friend to my mum and Mikey's dad, but our job is a bit like yours – confidentiality gets everywhere."

"Don't I know it!" said Zoe with a smile. "Don't worry." She turned to her daughter. "It's okay, Ariana. No-one suspects you. They've just got lots of silly rules."

Mikey smiled. "That's exactly what I always say. At least, I do when none of the big bosses are listening."

* * *

Rita heard the bathroom door close behind Iain. She knew that what she was doing wasn't a good idea. Iain was right: she was obsessed. Every moment, or so it seemed, there was a part of her mind that wondered if there had been any further updates to the site.

But this wasn't a _bad_ obsession. The things that were happening were worrying and Rita had to protect the people she cared about. She couldn't do that unless she knew exactly what she was protecting them from.

It wasn't like she was obsessing over something that didn't matter.

She quickly picked up her phone and used a bookmark to go directly to the facebook site. It was slightly dangerous, keeping a bookmark, but you could call your bookmarks anything you liked and Rita had remained this one Tampax.

Iain wouldn't even be able to _read_ that without panicking. He'd certainly never look at it.

She loaded up the site and had a look at the latest entry.

She wished she hadn't.

* * *

 _Most of the storylines I explained in the last chapter._

 _Zoe and Max are married and they have an adopted daughter called Ariana who has BPD. Lily delivered Ariana in the ED car park in Series 30, but she was taken away from her birth mother, who also has BPD, soon afterwards. Ariana was adopted by another couple, but they couldn't cope with her, so Zoe and Max became her parents. Zoe took early retirement a few years ago in order to spent more time with her daughter, but it doesn't seem to be helping and she misses her job. Max now works in computing. Zoe has been helping out at the ED recently as all the other doctors are having personal crises, but she and Max now have one of their own: Ariana has hacked into the hospital records to look at her medical records. Shortly afterwards, details of various people's medical records were posted online. Zoe and Max know Ariana isn't responsible, but they can't prove it._

 _Rita and Iain are also married and have a son called Alfie, who broke up with Ariana at the beginning of the story. Rita was pregnant when she left Casualty and she and Iain reunited a couple of years later. Rita is back in her old job in the ED and Iain is still a paramedic, though Dixie is again the boss. Rita discovered Alfie's school had a facebook gossip site which started off being fairly harmless, but now posts hurtful and untrue information. Recently, they've also posted information about hospital staff. Rita reported them to the police, but she's obsessed with the site and has come close to getting herself into serious trouble when she's tried to do her own investigations._


	118. Chapter 118

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Ella really needs Connor - I don't know if she has any other family and all the other doctors are very busy with their own crises. Sebastian was a little bit naughty to offer to pass messages between Cal and Matilda, but I think it was what Matilda needed to hear.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. I'm glad the last chapter explained some of the many confusing aspects of this story! Sometimes I have to think quite hard in order to remember what's going on! As for wanting more... here's a new chapter for you! I hope it lives up to expectations.

 **InfinityAndOne** , it will be difficult for Matilda. I can't see her being forced to go back to her adoptive parents, but Cal is still in trouble and even though most people can see they belong together, there will be all sorts of legal hoops that need to be jumped through first. I'm glad you liked the way Dylan K talked to Dylan. If you're not sure you want to know what Rita's found, maybe you should look away now! (But I hope you won't.) Thank you for your review.

 **Applealice10** , thank you for your review. I love Dylan's caring side too - he doesn't express it in the same way as most people, but it's definitely there and I think a lot of staff and patients have seen and appreciated it. I haven't seen/read Pretty Little Liars, but maybe I should - it might give me some inspiration!

* * *

Iain returned to the living room to discover Rita staring at her phone. Her eyes were wide and staring; her face was white. Iain hurried to her side and gently unprised her fingers from the phone.

He glanced at the phone and sighed. He might have known. If he was honest, he had known. He'd known as soon as he'd left the room that Rita would check the facebook site. She couldn't help it. She was obsessed and she'd probably keep trying to take it until it was finally taken down.

"Rita, I know it's upsetting, but the police are dealing with it now," said Iain. "So just let them get on with it and we'll get on with our lives like we agreed."

"Did you see what it said?" said Rita, her voice shaking.

"I don't need to look," said Iain. "Either it's something that isn't true or it's something that's none of my business. Or both."

Rita turned to face him. Her lip was trembling and her eyes were full of fear. "It's about Alfie."

Iain tensed. "His medical records?"

"No, just something they said he'd done. But it's not true!"

"Of course it's not true," said Iain. He tried to pull her closer to him. "None of it's true."

"But if anyone thinks it is…" said Rita.

Iain had promised himself he wouldn't get sucked into this; wouldn't even look at the site - but he had to admit it was a bit different when it was his son they were writing about. Maybe he did need to know. "Okay, what does it say?"

"It says Alfie was seeing Lottie behind Ariana's back and Lottie had an abortion."

* * *

Dixie opened the door and put her arm lightly around Matilda as she guided her into the flat. "There you are, lovely. I know it probably doesn't seem like home to you, but you're safe here. I promise."

She took Matilda through into the kitchen. Several cupboard doors had been left open and there was a pile of plates in the sink. Clearly, the boys had helped themselves to lunch.

"Would you like to meet the boys now, Tilly, or would you rather not?" said Dixie. "It's fine either way. They do understand that a lot of foster kids need to spend time alone."

Matilda looked as though she didn't know what to say.

Dixie usually encouraged her foster children to make their own decisions, but she knew there were times when they simply couldn't cope anymore and needed Dixie to make a decision for them. This was one of those times. "Why don't you go up to your room for a bit? You must be exhausted. I'll bring you up a drink, then I'll go and have a chat to the boys."

The corners of Matilda's mouth lifted just slightly. "Thank you, Dixie."

Dixie pulled Matilda into a hug. "I know it's hard to believe now, sweetheart, but things will get better."

"They already have," said Matilda.

* * *

Louise found them sitting in an office. Amira was trying to comfort Honey, but it didn't look like it was working. Louise came quietly into the room and caught Amira's eye.

Amira spoke gently to Honey. "Honey, I'll leave you and Louise to have a chat: is that okay?"

Honey lifted her head. Her face was red and drenched with tears. She looked fearfully at Louise.

"Honey, it's okay. I'm not mad at you." said Louise gently. She was a little bit, but she couldn't show too much anger when she saw how miserable Honey was.

Amira patted Honey's shoulder. "I'll come back and check on you later." As she passed Louise, she squeezed her arm and smiled sympathetically, then she left, closing the door behind her.

Louise sat beside Honey. "I'm really sorry about what happened to you. It must have been awful having no-one to talk to about it."

"Where's Dad?" asked Honey through more tears.

"He's still in the relatives' room," said Louise. "He's having a hard time dealing with it. I don't think he's really got his head round why you did it. It was the wrong way to go about it, Honey, but I think I do understand."

"I just want my dad back!" wailed Honey. "I wanted to tell him. But I couldn't tell him. And then it was too late."

"It's never too late," said Louise. "And you need to keep talking about it. About what really happened. It doesn't matter if it was last week or last year or ten years ago. It's a terrible thing to happen and you're entitled to help and support."

"I am his daughter!" wept Honey. "I am! Mum said I was!"

"I know," said Louise. "I'm not doubting your mum at all, but even if you're not his blood relative, you've formed a bond with Noel. You're his daughter in every way that matters. That's why he's hurting. Because he loves you. It might take time, Honey, but I'm not giving up on him and you mustn't either. I know we haven't always got on, but… I'm here. Lying about abuse isn't a good thing to do. It makes it harder for the people who are telling the truth. But the important thing is you have told us the truth now and that's what we need to focus on."

* * *

Ethan didn't want to leave. He wanted to be near to Lily in case something happened – but there were other places he wanted to be too. "I should go and check on Caleb."

"They said they'd call when he woke up," Cal reminded him.

Ethan nodded. "I know. But I don't want him to be alone."

"I could go then," offered Cal. "Then you can stay with Lily."

"No, I'd like to go," said Ethan. He looked apologetically at his wife. "Not that I want to leave you, Lily-"

"Don't be silly, Ethan. I understand. I don't want Caleb to be alone either."

"-and I hate being away from the girls too," continued Ethan. "I'll give them a call on my way to see Caleb. But if Caleb wakes up and I'm not there, I at least want him to know his daddy came to check on him."

Lily smiled and squeezed his hand. "Caleb would like that."

* * *

She knew.

Olivia knew Dixie wouldn't have told her. She'd promised not to and Dixie kept her promises. But Jess was looking at her closely and when she did that, she always knew. Olivia knew her mum had never forgiven herself for not realising her abusive partner Nikki was also hurting Olivia. She'd understood why Olivia hadn't felt able to tell her, but she felt she ought to have known.

She had the same look on her face now; the look Olivia remembered from her childhood. The look of guilt.

"Olivia, who was he?" Jess asked the question as though she was afraid of the answer.

Olivia tried to think how to reply. She could say he was a fan and that would be true up to a point. Or she could say she'd never seen him before in her life, though she knew Jess wouldn't believe her.

Or she could say he was the man she'd married without telling her family.

"Olivia?" said Jess sharply, and Olivia knew she'd hesitated too long to tell her she'd never seen the man before in her life.

"I don't really know him," she found herself saying. "But he came to some of my concerts. A lot of my concerts. But it's okay. The police are dealing with him now."

* * *

Dylan stopped outside the door to her room. She'd said she was tired now; that she would sleep, but Dylan K doubted she would. Not with so much on her mind. She spoke without turning to face him. "I always thought I could deal with anything."

"And you can," said Dylan K. "Look. I know you're scared and that's difficult because you're not used to being scared. You're used to being in control and this is outside you're control. You thought you could deal with anything – and now you've discovered you can't."

"I thought I was pretty much indestructible," said Dylan with a slight laugh.

"Now, there's your big mistake," said Dylan K. "I had a patient once who thought he was indestructible. He looked just like Dr Hardy – Ethan, I mean, not Lily – only without the brain. He was high on drugs and he asked his friend to prove his indestructibility by hitting him in the face with a plank of wood. It knocked his teeth out."

Dylan looked at him uncertainly. "Okay, so what's that got to do with me?"

"What do you think it's got to do with you?" said Dylan K.

"He thought he was indestructible, but something came along and hit him and proved he wasn't," said Dylan. She smiled unwillingly. "Okay. I suppose that did happen to me, metaphorically."

"It happens to everyone who thinks they're indestructible," said Dylan K. "Including me. The important thing is how you deal with it."

Dylan asked: "How did Dr Hardy's lookalike deal with it?"

"I actually don't know," said Dylan K. "I never saw him again – though I was a bit surprised when I met Ethan. So either he worked through his lack of indestructibility and found the strength to get himself out of his mess – or he let it destroy him. You have one advantage over him. While certainly not indestructible, you're not lacking in strength."

"Maybe my strength was as much a dream as my indestructibility," said Dylan.

* * *

Elle came out of the room, shaking her head. "She's still very upset. Maybe it's better to leave her be for a while."

"She's my daughter!" said Connie. "How am I supposed to leave her be? Would you if it was one of your sons?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on Elle's face. "Probably not – not that they'd thank me for it. I don't think they'll ever grow out of being embarrassed by their mother."

"It's a bit more than _embarrassment_ with Grace," said Connie, her voice hard.

"I know," said Elle gently, rubbing Connie's arm.

Connie knew a hug was on offer if she wanted one, but she was afraid that if Elle hugged her, she might break down completely.

She was two seconds away from allowing it anyway when they heard the voice.

"Connie? Where is she? What the hell have you done to my daughter now?"


End file.
